The gang figures out what special thing to do for episode 300!
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The Mutual Audio Network
Bells in the Batfry #299(071924)
[MUSIC PLAYING] This episode is brought to you by Experian. Are you paying for subscriptions you don't use, but can't find the time or energy to cancel them? Experian could cancel unwanted subscriptions for you, saving you an average of $270 per year, and plenty of time. Download the Experian app. Results will vary. Not all subscriptions are eligible. Savings are not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required. What's so funny, why Friday follies, of course, right here on the Mutual Audio Network. [LAUGHS] The following audio drama is rated G for general audience. This episode originally released September 22, 2022. Hello and welcome to Bells in the Battery. I'm your genial host, John Bell. And this is episode 299. What are we going to do for your next episode, which is number three? I'm trapped. [MUSIC PLAYING] I don't have the foggiest idea. Oh, just like your regular shoes. I think we need a brainstorming system except hell. In your case, that would be a brain drizzle. Brained gentle, cheap joke. That's the kind we're doing for you. OK, tell you what. We'll go to lunch, my treat. Wow. You are going to pay for lunch. Oh, stop. Let me go grab my notebook, and I'll meet you guys at the elevator, and we'll head out. Well, I don't think he's never paid for anything. Let's get going before he changes his mind. OK, but I need to stop by the break room for just a second. What do you need for the break room? Mr. Bell's going to buy his food. I need to prove something. Turn on the garbage disposal, will ya? Oh, all right. What are you doing with that spoon? Just dropping it in here. Did you say something, Arnie? Oh, you know it. Brad. Yes? You are just-- [LAUGHTER] [MUSIC PLAYING] Hello. Welcome to Snooky Oogie's Biggie Burger, home of the Veece Burger, a beastly feast of a Biggie Burger. Mr. Bell, why did you bring us the Snooky Oogie Biggie Burger? Don't you like Snooky Oogie Biggie Burger? I figure I don't like it about as much as the Board of Health does. I'm just saying Mr. Bell has a coupon. We don't have croutons. I didn't say croutons. I said coupon. Oh, come, you don't have croutons. We don't have salads. I don't have a coupon. I have a group on. You can't use a group on on croutons. I don't have croutons, Mr. Bell. Now, croutons, how about one ton? Well, I don't have a one ton Groupon coupon. What kind of Groupon coupons do you have? Buy two Biggie Burgers and get a Biggie Bunny Burger at a bargain price. No, which of us is the buddy that gets the bargain Biggie Bunny Burger? Well, you're both my buddies. I'm his biggest buddy, so I get the bargain buddy burger. You might enjoy the Snooky Oogie Biggie Burger bongo bundle. Bongo bundle? The burgers are bound in cardboard bongo. Yeah, a bongo beefy boss on cardboard. Dig it, man. Well, that's no bogus bongo, baby. All right, we'll take a batch of Biggie Burger Bongo bundles. Oh, thank you. Would you like extra Snooky Oogie Goop on those? What is Snooky Oogie Goop? Simply a succulent secret sauce source from several sensational seasonings and sauteed to savory supremacy. And what exactly is in it? Mostly mayonnaise. Why do they call it Oogie Sauce? There's a sample. Ooh, that's Oogie. It's Oogie, let's just-- Look, Oogie can boogie. And with your mail, you get your choice of fantastic, fun-filled flavor fries or fantastic, fun-filled flavor freaky fries. What's the difference? What is freaky? How can fries be freaky? Here, take a free, freaky peak. Eek! Oh, come on. You can't find those fantastic, fun-filled flavor freaky fries. That freaky? Take a free, freaky peak. All right. [SCREAMING] That freaky. I think we'll forgo the freaky, friend. That's fair. And your Snooky Oogie Biggie Burger Bongo bundle comes with a complimentary colossal, cold, carbonated colovetta burst your thirst in five fabulous flavors. And it's freaky of flavor, like in the France. Affirmative. [SCREAMING] What are the flavors? Well, there's the aforementioned freaky. [SCREAMING] We got Mary Cherry Berry. That's not scary. Shank heaven. And we got a shot of apricot. We're out of apricot. Or not. It could be time for a sublime lime, truly prime. But that's an extra dime. What a crime. And now we're making bacon. Bacon. Don't be mistaken. Bacon is raking in the dough. You have a dough-flavored colum? Oh, yeah. We tried dough, but it's so, so slow. We had to let it go. Oh. Have you got a shake? No, I'm usually pretty calm. I mean, like a milk shrink. Oh, we don't have a shake. We have a quake. A quake? It's really cold. How cold is it? The cold is so bold. When you take our quake, your quake headache will break all records on the Richter scale. You made a sail. And go sit at your table. I'll bring it to you as soon as I'm able. Oh, I need a name. I'm a Benny Grable. Yeah, that works. OK, guys, getting down to the matter at hand. Episode 300 is coming up quickly. I don't like our food when we're keeping it. Oh, here he comes now. Sorry for the delay. I had to tune your bongos. I hope that's not a metaphor. Well, I never met a four. I didn't like-- Well, you'll enjoy this, Mita. For you never met a meteor massive meat. Yes, thank you. OK, guys, as we dig into our burgers, we got to figure out something to do for episode 300. Arnie, could you not play your bongos right now? But I'm in the groove, get you? Knock off the bongos. Music here. So what are your thoughts? I'm thinking I shouldn't have gotten the extra oogie sauce. How about if we had a contest? To make a new sauce? No, a bell's being a bad free contest. There's already a bell's in the bad free. And it's no winner, let me tell you. No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Arnie may be on something here. I'm definitely on something. So what is it? I don't know. Probably something the last person who sat in his chair dropped on it. Maybe it's oogie sauce. Stand up, let's take a peek. Is it oogie sauce? Yeah, it's oogie sauce. Here are some paper towels, Arnie. I think I'll get a need more than that. You got a leaf blower, are you? Here, this is every napkin in their dispenser. So let's follow this idea about doing a contest for the 300th episode. What kind of contest would it be? How about if we ask people to tell us who their favorite bad free character is? And how would you get a winner from that? Well, the winners are the ones that choose me. Oh boy. And what would the prize be? They get to keep brag. Yeah. Wait. I'm liking this idea. Me too. Arnie, that doesn't mean you can start playing your bongos. Oh, I thought we were done. How about if we have everybody come up with a new name for the podcast? You mean to replace bells in the bat free? Exactly. Why would we want to do that? Have you ever tried to explain somebody what bells in the bat free actually means? Yeah, we shall. You've already expressed an embarrassing a bell for this. I've never heard it back in your bell for you. If you heard it back in your bell for you, it's with your bells in the bat free. I'll get bells in the bat free. OK, OK, point taken. But no, we're not going to change the name of the show. Besides, before we think of a contest, we need to think about what kind of prizes we'll give away. Well, prizes, Mr. Bell? Yeah, you know, prizes. What kind of prizes? You might win a whirlwind. All expenses paid trip around the world, including airfare on spirit airlines, where using the bathroom costs extra and carry ons are not allowed. What? You'll stop in Venice, Italy. Micanos, Greece, Lagos, Nigeria. Wait. Here I go, Fuego. Before returning home, to find your workplace got along just fine without you. And you've been replaced by automation. Wait. What should I do, Mr. Bell? When you like the prizes, we can't afford those prizes. Mr. Bell, you don't have to pay for them. They're free prizes. It could be a fully loaded winner bag, no Chuck Wagon. Of the second name in luxury RVs, you'll get fabulous amenities, like mattresses stuffed with goose down, still attached to the goose. All right, all right, let's put the prizes aside for the moment and talk about the contest. It looks like this time for me to use my least invention. Invention? They think of a good contest idea later. It thinks of good ideas for contests? I thought the name was rather self-explanatory. How long have you had this invention handy? I don't know, a couple of years now. Why would you invent something like that, much less carried around with you? 'Cause it might come in handy. Why would something like that come in handy? I'll tell right now, for instance. Yes, the most we can do. Guys, guys, look, we've got the gizmo. Let's use it, see if it can come up with a good contest idea. Can you, no, no, no, no, no. Let's turn it on, and... Hello, contest idea you later, please. Give us a contest idea. I recommend a contest contest. Did it say contest contest? Contest contest. I think your machine has a stutter there. Contest contest, contest, contest, contest, contest. No, it's a contest in the contest contest. What's a contest contest contest? A contest where people come up with a contest. We challenge the listeners to come up with a contest for the listeners. Exactimonulatory. They send in suggestions for a contest for us to run. So we choose a winner, then we do the contest, and they suggest it. No, we don't have to, because the contest was coming up with a contest. Will we get a winning contest? The contest is over. Well, what do we give out as a prize? You might win a pair of old and golden slivers. Silver on the outside. Gold on the inside, designed with style and comfort in mind. It's from Spiegel, Chicago, Illinois, 60609. Back to you, Johnny. Whatever your name is. Who is that guy? I don't know, but don't you wish you sounded like that? Hey, no. Maybe. He didn't even mention the right show, Roni. No, I can't find the show, treat. Well, I happen to think the perfect prize would be the honor of having your name mentioned on Bells in the Battery. Yeah. I don't know. Well, that's all I can afford, so that's what we're going to do. I'm going back to the studio to set up this contest right now. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Roni? Yeah. My example, I'm definitely-- [YELLING] He's about to ask him not to shot like that. Well, it's like right in my head. Presenting the official Bells in the Battery 300 episode contest contest. Here are the rules. To enter the contest, you must email your suggestion for a contest to-- since this contest took place some years ago, there's no need to give you the email address. It's too late anyway. The contest is over. But here's how you could have entered way back in 2022. You can write down your suggestion, or you can attach an audiophile of yourself explaining your suggestion. Go to a local recording studio, and they'll record it for you for just a few hundred bucks. Or you can record it on your phone. Oh, sure, if you want to go cheap. This is the battery. We're all about cheap here. Be sure to include your name, or whatever alias you want us to use, and where you live. Not your address, just a count. Or a village. Or a hamlet. Or a federal prison. All entries become property of John Belkreative, LLC, for use and misuse, as I see fit, like reading or playing them in episode 300. Your contest suggestion can be serious, or as absurd as you can make it. Talk about the prize. I can't afford a prize. And give them something free. Free? Maybe they're like a recording of us saying something. Like for a birthday or special oxygen. Or just telling a favorite story. Like Goldilocks and the free nuclear physics. OK, the winner gets us saying something silly that you can use for whatever purpose. Or other aquatic animals. He said purpose, not purpose. The deadline for entering your contest idea is Monday, October 3, 2022. Oh, that's not a whole lot of time. What? A whole lot of time. A whole lot of time. A whole lot of time. Then get thinking. We want your contest ideas. You've been listening to Bells in the Bashfree episode 299, copyright 2022 by John Belkreative. You left out some damage here, Bell. What's that? It's John Belkreative. Hello, she. Hello, she. Hello. Oh, just stop. Rock on, dude.