Deathly Hallows, yet another visit to a doctor's office, courtroom stuff, slapstick on the radio and loose ends.
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The Mutual Audio Network
Teknikal Diffikulties #122- Example x(071224)
It's time for Friday Follies, right here on the Mutual Audio Network. The following audio drama is rated R and is recommended restricted for anyone under the age of 17. This is Culture Shock with your host, Kevin Stark. The online radio magazine program about the arts. And I am your host, Kevin Stark. Thank you all for joining me. Well, literary fans, this is it, 2007, July. And of course, what else could we be talking about at the end of the Harry Potter series? For 11 years now, JK Rowling's books about a young wizard have enchanted audiences the entire world over and have become an international best-selling phenomenon, probably one of the most popular and fiction book series in the entire world. But later this month, it comes to an end. But the final chapter, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. As you can imagine, a lot of people are really sad to see the whole thing end. I mean, they're excited to see how the story finally turns out, but, you know, you have to say there's a certain amount of bittersweet apprehension associated with this, the final book in the Harry Potter series. But just as a change of pace from the rest of the culture, I thought I'd invite him one of Harry Potter's biggest detractors, just to have his final say on the books. My guest in the studio today is Pastor Jesse Dunlap of One Way Books Publishing Incorporated. Welcome to the program, sir. Ah, thank you, Kevin. Thank you very much for having me on now. It's my pleasure, sir. Well, this is it. You know, last of the books, probably the biggest literary event in the last hundred years, and your publishing company has been nothing but a detractor of Harry Potter. I mean, you published numerous books on the series here. Let's see some of these titles. Harry Potter and the Devil's Lies, Harry Potter, Thredder Menace, Harry Potter and the Devil and the Playpen, Harry Potter and Which Way to Evil, with a question mark. And Harry Potter and the Da Vinci Code movies destroying our youth, so, you know, this is it. It's finally over. Giant literary, huge event. You know, all across the country, this book is going to be selling the millions. Any thoughts on that? Well, I don't know what else to say, Kevin. It's just going to be a very, very dark day when that last book comes out. That's all I have to say. Just the whole sort of children embracing the supernatural and the fairy stories corrupting our youth and bringing them away from Jesus, like you say in all your books, that kind of thing. Oh, yeah, that too. What did you mean? Well, I'm going to be honest with you, Kevin, and 98% of the entire Christian book publishing industry is supported by Harry Potter. I mean, we're all constantly putting out more and more books on the subject of Harry Potter and the evils associated with our youth and, you know, with the book's ending. I just don't know what we're going to do. So you're telling me you're actually sorry to see the Harry Potter books go? No, no, of course not. I mean, I'm, as a Christian, I praise Jesus every time I think about this final blight on literary history coming to an end here, Satan turning his sulphur's tail and slithering with those books back down into the smoking pit of hell where it came from. All right, maybe yes I am, just a little. So you're telling me that the entire Christian book publishing industry is just a reaction to stuff like Harry Potter? Well, no, not completely, but I mean, that's where the real meat and potatoes are. You know, the big cultural phenomenon comes along and we just jump on to it. You know, I mean, I mean, I started my company right after J.K. Rowling's put out her first book, you know, about Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone back when it was still called the Philosopher's Stone, I'll have you know. But you know, I mean, you know, when the DaVinci code was popular at the same time, it was a license to print money. But now, you know, books ending, yeah, I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, you know, there's a couple of more movies coming out that'll keep things going a bit, I suppose. But I don't know, the luster is kind of fading away, I'm just going to have to sit around and wait, I suppose. But I can't imagine anything taking its place. So this really is a bad deal for you guys then. Yeah, I'm afraid so. I mean, I'm going to have to let a few employers go tell you what, which is the same because they're family members. Frankly, I don't know what I'm going to publish. Books on theology? Oh, Christian book buyers aren't interested in that. Okay. All right, well, we'll be right back and remember this is a culture shock for July 6th, 2007. You were experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by. So you think Snape is a bad guy or what? I don't know. I still think he might be working for Dumbledore. That mic's not on, isn't it? Oh, no. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And welcome back to the program. I'm your host, Kai. Chris Kahnroy, and this, of course, is technical difficulties here at techdiff.com, if I may say so in my worst DJ announcer. Hey, in my worst DJ announcer voice. Anyway, this is my comedy show. I write, produce, and perform the entire ding dang thing except where otherwise noted. If you're new to the program, this is what it's all about. And this is the beginning of the show. So why don't you just sit back, relax, enjoy the ride, and I'm going to bring you something to laugh at, I hope. One would think. And I've got all kinds of cool news at the back end of the show, which comes after the comedy. And we'll see you then. Bye. ♪ Who's that knocking at my door? ♪ ♪ Who's that knocking at my door? ♪ ♪ Who's that knock? ♪ ♪ For God's sake, help me! ♪ Crap, I guess it is in Barnacle Bell. All right, come on in. Thank heavens. I need your help, doctor. Well, I'd love to give you a hand, but unfortunately I'm not a doctor. I'm an architect. Damn, I've entered the wrong office. All right, let's try that again. Overlaunches your barge, buddy. Come on in. Water's fine. Thank heaven. I need your help, architect. I appear to have broken my arm. Poor you. Well, I'd love to give you an assist there, pal. But as I mentioned before, and you may have noticed on the door, I'm an architect and not a doctor. Surely there must be something you can do for me. Yes, there is. I can design a hospital for you. That'll do nicely. Design away. All righty. There you go. Build that and call me in the morning. Top shelf my good man. See you tomorrow. And so the next morning. Well, there's your hospital. What do you think? That's the most ineptly built building I've ever seen. Well, what do you want? I built it overnight with a broken arm. I would have used a hammer and nails, but this was cheaper. Well, what do you call this dump then? Saint Swiddens of the busted shoulder. You're just in time for the christening oo-paudry. I baptize thee in the name of the lord. It's the world's first underwater hospital. We'll be famous for our amphibian doctors. Well, while you were out gallivanting with your so-called nautical friends, I got myself a medical degree so we can start this sketch over from the top. Magnificent. Now let's get over to your office. It's just a short swim from here. One short swim later. Okey-doke, let's get this show on the road. Doctor, thank God you're here. I've got a broken arm and it hurts when I rip it off and eat it right in front of you. Are you sure? Pretty sure, let's find out. Well, yep, hurts when I do that. Then don't do that. Fantastic advice. In the future, I remember not to doooooooooooo. So got anything for missing limbs? Do I ever hold still while I strap this baby on? Alrighty then. What are you gonna do with it? Ah noooooooo! Noooooooo! Oooooooo! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! Does it hurt? Yes, you're standing on my foot. My apologies. So what do you think? Well, let's have a look, shall we? Mmm, bit hairy. It appears you've given me a monkey's arm. Not just a monkey's arm. On the end, a monkey's paw. Each one of those outstretched digits represents a wish and you can wish for anything you want. But when you get it, that desire will be perverted. Wait! You mean that if I- That's right. If you were to wish for great wealth, you'd get great wealth, but you'd also get butt sex. I see. So if I were to wish for say, true love, I'd get true love. Exactly, but you'd also get butt sex. Alright, I'm looking for the downside to this. Downside? Why, the downside is butt sex. What if I like butt sex? Well, you're in business then, aren't you? You've tried this out for yourself then. Have I ever! Oh boy! And I'm gonna tell you one thing, oh you meant the monkey's paw. Yeah, that works. You know what I think? I think you're full of poo. I think you're a sick, twisted little individual of a medical practitioner who likes to put himself in positions of power over his own patients. Oh, you do, do you? Yes, I think you're the sort of person who gains your patients' confidence, tricks them to having animal parts sewn onto their body, and then enjoys having anal sex with them. You know there's a word for people who do what you do. I don't know what it is, but it's probably in German. What's your point, buddy? My point is... You didn't have to go that far. You could have just asked nicely. Well, I mean, in that case, would you and that cute little monkey arm of yours like to have butt sex with me? No, you freak! Ha! Now here, have a rude gesture with my monkey fingers, and I'm out of here. You think you're so smart, well I'll see that you pay for that. Well, that's alright, I have medical coverage. Oh, alright then, well see you with my other patients at the class action suit. Brought to you by class action suits for the active sporting lawyer in your life, also available in class action swimwear. Hey, judge baby, you want to see my briefs? Do I have a court of gerund? Hi, welcome to the fashion barn, can I help you with something? Yes, I'd like to buy a class action suit, please. Well, certainly, sir, is there a particular style you had in mind? Well, I'd like something I could wear on a Saturday night while filing a case against the tobacco industry. Oh, I have just the thing for you here, it's a smoking jacket, try it on! Alright, I will. Hey, this jacket is on fire. Yes, I know, it doubles as a blazer too. Oh, I'm burning, I'm gonna assume. Now you've got the right attitude. Order, order in the court, please, please state the name of the case. Your honor, this is the People versus Inferno Fashions. The defendant, CEO James Inferno, is accused of wantonly distributing highly flammable and extremely dangerous clothing to the general public. Yes, I seem to have the case information here. Mr. Inferno, your clothing sold to various outlets across the country, was soaked in kerosene and contained a small battery operated ignition system, causing them to burst into flames when they were put on. Yes, that's correct, your honor. Yes, many innocent people have been injured or killed as a direct result of your clothing, Mr. Inferno. So, how do you plead? I plead not guilty on grounds of religious persecution, your honor. Well, that's a novel approach, Mr. Inferno, and the court eagerly anticipates the bizarre otherworldly explanation for it. Well, your honor, I'm a deeply religious Christian man. And? Well, I intended this clothing for other committed Christians, just like myself. It says so right on the label, your honor, fashion styles for people who want to be on fire for the Lord. Hold it right there, Inferno, you're busted. Jiggers, it's the pun police. The pun police, in action and on patrol. The pun police, stopping groiners and boners with sheer brute force. Wherever you find abusive language for humorous intent or just plain old cheap laughs, you're fine. The pun police, stopping cheap humor with a steel tip boot right to the nards. So, do you think that slapstick translates well to radio? I don't know, let's find out. The following examples have been provided for your consideration, please take note. Example number one. Son, your mother and I think you're finally old enough to understand about the birds and the bees. Ah, okay. Good, okay. Around outside with the feathers that occasionally smack into the glass. Ah, yeah? Well, those are birds. Just file everything else into bees and you should do just fine. Example number two. So, I started the band back in about 1981. It was me and actually it was just me. There were no other members and I didn't have any songs, so things didn't work out very well in that case, so I broke the band up and then I tried to start another band with this guy or a new, but he was already in a band by himself and he was also in another band by himself, so there was a lot of scheduling conflicts. We never could really make it that work out, so I thought I'd take this opportunity then to really pursue my solo career. Example number three. So, my plan is that we make a musical based on the works of Andrew Lloyd Webber. Isn't that a little bit redundant? Andrew Lloyd Webber, your damn ready is. Example number four. Hey, I heard you and Steve had a bit of a falling out. Yeah, he just got up in my grill. What happened? I hit him with my car. Example number five. As a comedian, what would you consider to be the strangest thing about comedy? You know, I think it might be the connection to the violence. You know, there's always this kind of violent imagery associated with humor, which has been always very strange to me. You know, you always say stuff like, ah, I slayed him, you know, or that joke knocked him dead, or that joke killed the audience, or that joke slaughtered the audience. That joke brutally murdered the entire audience's family with a chainsaw and had sex with their dismembered corpses on live TV. Um, I've never heard that one before. Ah, must be regional. Example number six. Our new eco-friendly house has everything you need. Water, electricity, all right, that's all it has. Well, watch for dinner then. Electric water, would you care for taste? Mmm, don't mind if I do. Wow, just like mom used to make. Example number seven. Oh look, the local museum is showing an exhibit of psychedelic art. Hey, did you have a drop acid? Now my eye-hand coordination is really good. Whoops, example. Number eight. Well, here we are at the brand new, palatial technical difficulties studios, and I hope we'll get some great sound out of this equipment. Hello? What's that you say? This isn't my studio, it's George Clinton's studio. Well, no wonder it has no roof. Example number nine. For those of you out there who beat those fans, you have something very special for you. This is an outtake from the session where they recorded Revolution number nine off the whiteout, and here we go. Number three. Number three. That's still not fair yet. Example number ten. So is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? I keep my gun in a shoulder holster, that's my penis. Example number eleven. Just like you to bring a knife to a gunfight. Yeah, well, this is a semi-automatic knife. That'll learn him. We hope these examples have been helpful in your making a selection. Please feel free to contact us at the above address at any time if you have any questions, and thank you. And that's it for this week's episode of Technical Difficulties. I'm your host, Kyan Chris Conroy, I wrote, produced, and performed the whole ding-dong thing. And I will have you know that with this particular episode, I finally finished off all of my notes. I had a big stack of notes I've been using to write the show over time, and I had a bunch of orphan jokes, a bunch of stuff I didn't know what to do with, and I finally finished it all off. So I have a clean slate, which is either good or bad in my case, either. This means I will, by the way, that's why the show came up just a little short. I wanted to, I was bound and determined to get every idea out the door, and I think I did. Anyway, what was I going to say? Oh yeah, so I got a clean slate, which means I get to start over with a brand new comedy thing here. I literally went through every note I had. That was it. I used up all the stuff I've got, and now I got to come up with a whole stack of brand new ideas, so that's what I'll be working on for the next week. I promised last week that I was going to do Leonard's Big Adventure the next part this week, and I changed my mind at the last minute, so don't worry, there'll be a brand spanking new, Leonard's Big Adventure starting next week, it's going to have Leonard's origin story, or at least the story you're going to get until I change my mind about it later, because remember, this show has no continuity whatsoever. For them, what's interested to know the sort of things, I collaborated with a, let me start that over again. I did a little collaboration this week. That's another reason the show came up slightly short, because I actually felt like I did a whole bunch of work on a show, because in a sort of way. Anyway, there's a guy named Tonto. His name is Tom Campbell, and he runs a show called Thank Tonto It's Friday, which is connected to YouthCom Radio, or YouthCom, that's with 2Ms, Y-O-U-T-H-C-O-M-M.com/UK, I believe. It's a live internet radio show called YouthCom, very, very good stuff done out of England, and he runs a show called Thank Tonto It's Friday. He asked me to collaborate with him on a bit. He wanted to interview me, but instead of just doing a normal interview, he wrote a script and had me perform with my characters. I changed some stuff in it, but for the most part, he pretty much nailed my characters down pretty hard, so anyway, if you want to hear a bunch of sketch stuff that I did on somebody else's show, then you can go ahead and go to iTunes and look up Thank Tonto It's Friday podcast, and on Monday, it will be available, so that'll be sort of a... if you didn't like the show, I guess you get to hear somebody else's show. Anyway, he wrote that script, gave it to me, and did a little tweaking here and there, but for the most part, it's his script, so I was really impressed by the handle he had on my character, and that's really... and it's a really fun radio show, but it's podcast as well. As I said, Thank Tonto It's Friday, it's available over at iTunes, or just Google Thank Tonto It's Friday podcast, and you'll find it. It's a pod show, one of those long pod show names, I believe, so it's kind of hard to track down there. Anyway, Thank Tonto It's Friday, and you can go ahead and hear a brand new material from me, in addition, well, sort of from me, well, I performed it anyway, in addition to the other stuff, so that's that. Anyway, that's the end of the program for the week, I'm going to stop bending your ear off here, if you want to send me any... if you want to contact me, and please do, you can leave a comment over on the board at techdiff, T-K-D-I-F dot com, or you can go over to Techdiff at, you can go to techdiff@gmail, it'll go to techdiff@gmail, send me a note at techdiff@gmail.com and you'll get that going, you'll have that going for you, and you can send me some, some mail. Yeah, that made sense. Okay, so anyway, that's the end of the program for the week, I'm going to stop bending your ear off, like I said, talk to you guys next week with a brand spanking, well, it's always new stuff every week, but I'm going to have, for me, it's going to be literally, I have to do brand new material, and my dogs are freaking out. Great. Talk to you guys later. You're listening to Friday Follies, jokes, laughs, and guffaws to tickle your funny bone, on the Mutual Audio Network. Join us tomorrow morning on Mutual for Saturday's Story Circle, bring the kids your coloring books and crayons and get the whole family into a great start to the day with audio cartoons. You can always subscribe to the full Mutual Audio Network feed for everyday of audio drama that fits your fancy, or discover Saturday's Story Circle in your favorite podcast players like Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, or Spotify. The Mutual Audio Drama Network, where we listen and imagine, together. (chiming)