It's the weekend, so relax and listen to some stories the whole family can enjoy. That's right, it's the Saturday Story Circle, here on the Mutual Audio Network. The following audio drama is rated G for General Audience. Come in, you requested to see me captain. Yes commander, have you noticed them are all amongst the crew lately? Not that I can think of sir. Well, I think after all of our business with the milliks, we need some time to unwind. Unwind? I've bought exactly, so I've put my mind to something that will cheer everyone up. A play? A play? Yes, a play. I just finished typing it up, but before distributing it to the crew. I was hoping to be finished hours ago, but there seems to be a glitch with the typing program. Don't you think captain, it could be because you're typing in gloves? There's nothing wrong with typing in gloves, lots of people typing in gloves. It keeps their hands warm. Not in the bittens captain. I'm not sure. [Music] Hello my fellow crew mates. Thank you for attending this evening's performance. The bridge crew will be playing the part in my very own version of the Bunny What the Dickens Classic, a visit by Christmas ghosts. Marley was dead as a result of an accident involving hair clippers. He had left his home, his money and his business to his partner. I am Ebenezer Scrooge, Ebenezer. Yes of course, sorry captain. I am Ebenezer Scrooge. I hate people, animals, children, French cuisine, tennis, home electricals, and Christmas. He worked as a money lender with his put upon assistant Bob Cratchit. Mr. Cratchit. Cratchit. Mr. Cratchit. Mr. Cratchit. Do not for one second think about putting that coal on the fire. But Mr. Scrooge, the other piece is burned out. I do not care. We have budgeted for one piece of coal a day, not an ounce more. Yes Mr. Scrooge. Oh Mr. Scrooge, are you aware of what day tomorrow is? Tuesday. Tomorrow is Christmas day. I would appreciate it if, uh, if I could have the day off, sir, to spend it with my family. A petty excuse to rob a man of his earnings every December 25th. It's only one day, sir. This year, but mark my words, I see a future where one day will become two, where shops will start to sell Christmas wear up to eight weeks in advance. If we don't nip this Christmas thing in the bud soon, it will be D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R. D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R? It will spell disaster. I'll be in earlier the next day to make up for the time, sir. Very well, take your day off, but without pay. Thank you, sir. I really appreciate it. Get out. Scrooge lived alone in Marley's old house. He planned to spend Christmas Eve as if it was any other evening of the year. As he was looking for his keys, something strange happened. Scrooge. What is this strange face I see in my door-nicker? Nicker? It's a door-knocker. I am sorry, Captain, but it plainly said door-nicker. And just what is a door-nicker, Commander? I do not know, Captain. I am merely the actor to your writer/director. Do you mind if I stand up? This pretending to be a door-nocker is hurting my back. Mission denied. K-on with the scene. Scrooge. Humbug. Scrooge settled in for the night. He had no need for a fine of things in life, and would eat mutton soup whilst wrapped in a threadbare blanket. I will just have my mutton soup and then off to bed. Tomorrow is Christmas day, so might as well stay in bed. Nothing to get up for. What is that frightful noise? Ebenezer Scrooge. I bring you a massage. Massage. What do you mean you bring him a massage? That's what it says in the script. Message. You bring him a message. There must be a problem with your predictive typing, Captain. It definitely said massage. You bring him a message. Now please, Doctor. Continue with the scene. Ebenezer Scrooge. I bring you a message. A hope of salvation from the chains you yourself have forged for the afterlife. I do not believe it is you, Jacob. Why do you doubt your own senses? Because a little thing may upset them, there is more undercooked mutton than apparition about you. I'm not really sure that line works. Dang, Captain. I'm sorry, Captain, but I just don't think the line makes sense. Surely something like, "There is more gravy than the grave about you." Sounds a bit silly to me. Carry on from Molly's next line. Oh, very well, Captain. Oh, my dear Scrooge. Do you see these chains around my neck? I forged these in life being a miserly old so-and-so. Yours is much, much longer, and you labor on it still. It'll be a big one when you finally croak it. Is there anything I can do to halt its progress? I have made arrangements for you to be visited by three spirits. These spirits will help you see the error of your ways. When will they come? I may be asleep. Expect the first when the bell tolls one. So Ebenezer went to his bed chamber where he struggled to sleep until the clock struck one. Ooo, Ebenezer Scrooge, I am the ghost of Christmas. Pat. Pat. Oh, I thought that was his name. He doesn't have a name, he's just a ghost. So how do you know he isn't called Pat? Because he isn't. But how do you know? Pat is a very good name for a ghost. My Aunt Gertrude used to have a friend called Pat. The ghost isn't called Pat. He's the ghost of Christmas Pat. Okay, no need to shout. Ebenezer Scrooge, I am Pat, the ghost of Christmas past. I am here to show you the error of your ways to take you back to a time before you were a miserly old skin flint. The ghost transported Scrooge back to his childhood. A solitary rabbit in his cage, left behind for Christmas. The year after that he was in his cage again. The year after that, and the year after that, until one year when he was taken home by a man called Festiwig. Spirit I recognize this barn. It belongs to old Festiwig himself. Aye, he knew how he threw a Christmas party, dancing, fiddling, mince pies. Never really saw the attraction women's pies myself, meeting a cake, yerk, but cream can it? That's a different story. There I am, a younger, less hairy me. Oh Ebenezer, how light on your big feet you are. When I see you sat behind your desk you'll lack a statue. That's because I'm concentrating on my figures. One can only help you as a studious in other areas as you are in your work, Mr. Scrooge. I, I, I must go, I, I left the bathtub bossed on. And who is that young lady you were trying to woo? Oh, that was Belle. She was someone I used to know. A girlfriend? Yes, but we drifted apart. Because you found the greater love, the love of money. It's been three weeks since you last came to see me Ebenezer. I've been working hard, these payments don't chase themselves, you know. They're quick enough to borrow money from me, but seem to think they can skimp on repayments when it suits them. But we don't need you to pursue money in this way. We have enough to buy a small house to start our future. But that isn't enough, we need to be secure for the rest of our lives. It would have been enough once, but do not concern yourself any longer. Or at least you from this burden I'm obviously placing you under. Goodbye Ebenezer. I hope you find happiness in the pursuit of wealth. Spirit, take me back, I no longer want to see the mistakes of my past. Very well, Ebenezer, but expect the second spirit when the clock strikes too. Ebenezer cried himself to sleep with memories of his past. His sleep was broken by a bright light and the sound of laughter. Ebenezer scrooge, come in and know me better, the goat of Christmas presents. Ghost! I'm sorry Captain, but it says goat in the script. Ghost. Leave me in peace. Come out from the bedclothes scrooge, come to link from the milk of mammal kindness and eat from the basket of flute, a mammal named Emma. What do you have in store for me spirit? I am the goat, a ghost. The ghost of Christmas pleasant. I walk among those who live for the moment and remember the good and the pure. Come with me scrooge and I will show you the goodness that exists within mammal kindness. Out there, but it is the middle of the night. Not where we're going. Do I need my robe? Where we're going, you won't need no robes. With a flash of her magic torch, the goat, the ghost of Christmas present, transported scrooge in the busy streets of Christmas day. Spirit, why have you brought me here to this broken down shag? It belongs to your employee, Bob Katchit. Sir, I must protest, I can only read the lines that you've written. Maybe you need to get a new app or... Knuted, Lieutenant. It belongs to your employee, Bob Katchit. Come, gather round children, can you smell the roast? It smells like cabbage. It's actually a sprout. What a feast! Yes, son, it's our finest meal in years. We must be grateful to Mr. Scrooge and his generosity. Without him, it would have been butter beans again. There's only so many ways you can cook a butter bean before it starts to become repetitive. How many ways? There are fifty ways to cook a butter bean. Cook it on a rack, Jack, fried in a pan, Stan, raw with no fuss, Gus. Those are just three. Who are all these people around his table? They are his family. Beth. Beth. Blyan. Blyan. Told George. Chubby Mary. Skinny Clef. And who is the boy with the crutch? His youngest son, Tiny Tim. Such a small boy. Hence the word, Tiny. What is wrong with the boy? He needs an operation, sustenance, bitments and minerals. And if he doesn't get them? Better to die and decrease the surplus population. Didn't you say, Ebeneza? I don't recall saying that. You did. In an off-stage event that wasn't in the script because of budgetary reasons. Who's spirit, you use my words against me? Not as easy to dismiss when the truth is close enough to touch, is it? Yes, I'm starting to see now. A time here, close short. But see how, despite his meager wages and living conditions, your assistant still takes time to think about his employer. Founder of the feast, I always knew Bob was a great man. Come with me, Ebeneza. Very soon, you shall be visited by the ghost of Christmas yet to come. Of all the spirits, he is the one I fear the most. So Scrooge returned to his bedchamber. He could feel the change inside him. The old miser with no time for other people was softening. He waited in cold silence for the clock to strike free. Are you the spirit whose coming was foretold to me? You are the spirit I fear most. Where are you going to take me, spirit? Show me the future and what it holds. And so the spirit took Scrooge to the same broken down shack. He had visited a few minutes earlier. Only now, slightly more broken down and shuckish. Spirit, I remember this place. It is Cragbit's house. Cragbit? Oh, never mind. It was a house of laughter and fun the last time, but it seemed so cold though. I just can't find it in me to light the fire these days, Marie. I'm sure one lump of coal wouldn't hurt Robert. But, but Tim loved to put the coal on the fire. Mr. Scrooge used to like putting coal on the fire. I know Robert, but we have to think of the other children. Larry, Curly, Maureen, Wheezy Joe, Thomas, Jeremiah. But no, Tim. Bob looks so old now. How long has it been? Two years. Maybe I've been working him too hard, but where are his family? Where is his son? Tiny Tim? Oh, Spirit, take me from this place. Can you show me some joy or happiness in my future? His spirit took Scrooge from the house of Cragbit, and reappeared in even more than Dampod Town. We're an old, worn-down, crooked hag. Stay on, I don't look that bad. It's just a description of the character. I do not feel there's any need to be rude, Captain. I know that one or two less spots may be starting to appear, but that's a hazard of age. I was talking about the character in the play, not you. Right, where was I? Crooked hag in a shack selling some old bedclothes. Why have you brought us to this shakier part of town? What joy can be found here? Very nice, my dear, this is very fine, Cotton. Wow, he won't be needy them now, he's gone. Ha ha ha ha, you are wrong one, dearie. What else have you got in that bag of yours? I'll give you a good price if my name ain't old Joe. I have these lovely silk bed sheets. Oh, and these thick bed cuttons. Dear me, you took all these away with him lying there. Well, it wasn't like he had any friends or family there to look after him. It's a good thing he had you there to take care of his belongings then isn't it, dearie? [Laughter] Is this a joke? Are you trying to tell me that the only people who have any interest in my death are these villainous crooks? [Yawning] Most spirit, with you I have truly seen the future. I don't want to die alone and unloved. My worldly possessions sold on a market stall, my savings taken by the government. Tell me what I must do, spirit. Please, I beg of you. Change. Anything. Change. Anything. Change! The spirit blew its dark cloak over his screws as he nugged down and pleaded at his feet. He woke to the sound of bells from the street outside. They did it all in one night, those fantastic spirits. I feel as light as a feather as getting the kipper as drunk as an old man, I must know what day it is. [Music] But boy, what day is it? Who's playing the boy? I don't think there is anybody, Captain. Everyone has a part, even the galley crew. There must be someone. This is one of the most important parts. There's only one person left, Captain. You'll have to do it. I, we're already playing the part of ghosts. The show must go on, sir. Very well. I will play the part. Give me a minute to get in a character. You boy, down there in the street, what day is it? I'll go to the apples and pears if you don't know what day today is. Just tell me. Well, I'm out of China. Today's only been and gone Christmas day, innit? The spirits did it all in one night. Oh, I haven't missed it. Do you know the butchers in the high street? I am chop 'em up. Go and get the biggest red cabbage they have and have it delivered to Bab Crotchety's house. What's their address? Find it yourself. Here's some money. Go blind me, Governor. I promise you, spirits. I will keep Christmas in my heart. Jacob Marley, I will be as good a friend and as good a person that the whole world has ever seen. And Scrooge was as good as his word. Making his assistant, Bob Colgate, a partner in the firm. And to tiny Tim, who did not die, he became a second father. If anyone knew how to keep Christmas in their hearts, it was Ebenezer Scrooge. Well, I think that went rather well, don't you? I kind of enjoyed that in the end. But... But what about the last line? What last line? What last line? That's it. Finished. The last line. In every version of the story, there has to be that last line. It's tradition. He is correct, Captain. Oh, very well then. Save a line. Merry Christmas and God bless us, everyone. Featured in the cast were, Alex Gilmore as Captain Peter Rabbit, Bobbie Owens as Lieutenant Commander Tonya Ears, Tom Chalker as Commander Thumper, David MacGyver as Lieutenant Taddy McZacker, Michael Liebman as Dr. Harvey Hopper Smith, Stefania Lindenbaum as Robot Delta, Bill Smagata as Robot Omega, Mary Retread as Bob Cratchit, Ashley M. Calfis as Bell, Andrew Eastep as Tiny Tim, Rebecca Thomas as Marie, Captain John Tatterzack as Security Chief, Star Rabbit Tracks, Carol, there's rabbits at Christmas, was written by N.J. Rainford. Series created by Captain John Tatterzack. Editing by Jim Smagata and Captain John Tatterzack, produced by Captain John Tatterzack, post-production by James W. Smagata, webmaster April Sadowski, Captain John Tatterzack, CEO of MisfitsAudio.com. Incidental music by Kevin McCloud of Incompetech.com. We would like to confirm that no harm came to any rabbits, robots or ghosts relating to the festive season during the making of this adventure. We are not affiliated in any way with Star Trek, Bambi, Beatrix Potter or Charles Dickens. It is also worth noting that typing in mittens can harm your spelching. This production is for enjoyment purposes only. I'm your announcer, Bob Owens, for MisfitsAudio, copyright 2013. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] Merry Christmas and God bless us, everyone.
