Todayand#8217;s FBA Dharmabyte and#8220;When Reality Knocks on the Doorand#8221; is a selection from the talk and#8220;What is Enlightenment?and#8221; by Jinapriya. This is a quietly passionate talk on the quicksilver nature of the Enlightenment experience and#8211; impossible to pin down, utterly transformative. When Reality knocks at the door are we able to own painful experience and surrender?
Talk given at Cambridge Buddhist Centre, 2003
[music] Dharma Bites is brought to you by Free Buddhist Audio – the Dharma for your life. Our work is funded entirely by donations from our generous listeners. If you would like to help us keep this free, make a contribution at freebuddhistaudio.com/donate. Thank you, and happy listening. [music] So why is it still so hard to experience that directly? Well, it's still that we still feel discomfort. We're still along willing to face discomfort. Unfortunately, that is the bad news. And it's only often a personal catastrophe that pushes our nose up against it. And there's nowhere else to go, and we just have to face reality. A friend of mine had an accident with his bike. Very interesting, I found this, because it really just showed me the implications of if we could be in the present moment. He was actually knocked off his bike by a taxi in London. And he said, "It's really interesting. It's really interesting." But it was really interesting because all his control mechanisms, because I think another thing we often do most of the time is we're trying to control life. And his whole control mechanism was quite literally thrown away. He was thrown up in the air, and I remember him telling me, he said he could experience himself directly sort of going through the air. Sometimes it seemed to go very slowly, because it came to a quite interesting... You see, it's as if he was really in the moment. Reality had sort of like really bitten him on the nose, so to speak, and there was nowhere else to go. And it's quite remarkable, the implications of that, you see, I think. And I tell you that, just to bring out that sort of... Really, I wanted to make the point that, "Hey, our time perception can change in that situation." And it's often only when reality really knocks on our door that we accept it. There's no other member in America who's gone totally blind. And he's supposed to have said there's the best thing that's ever happened to him, so I'm told. I mean, I guess as well, it's probably the worst. But I certainly know in a kind of lesser way, that sometimes, you know, you cannot dodge the limitations of the situation. You just have to fully embrace them. And a kind of magic takes over. A kind of magic can happen. I mean, we all have pain to a greater or lesser degree. We all have pain, both large and small, visible and invisible, yeah? But when we can accept it, then there's often a way through. I mean, just a couple of small examples from my own life. I remember once somebody upset me some years ago. They were sort of like a bit on kind to me, in what they said. And I remember sort of carrying that round all the afternoon. You know, and you know, you think of all the clever things you wished you'd said. And you know, and it just runs through your mind. You're sort of doing your own version of the hate behind you. And oh, getting yourself and carrying your grievance around. But there was a change of good while I was having a bath. And I think that may have been, I was having a bath, I was relaxing. And I just suddenly realized I felt really wounded. I felt really upset, really hurt. And I'd been kind of denying that to myself. And I sort of like, let it in and I saw it. Oh! And even my body relaxed, you know? I mean, we carry so much literally around in our bodies. We kind of armor ourselves to life. But it really changed. The moment I thought, yeah, I hurt. I wish she hadn't have said that, and that hurt me. The moment I owned that, it changed. It changed. And I was able to let go. I was able to move on. I'd actually had the experience. You know, my reality was that I hurt, but I was in denial. And I just think that that's how it is. I mean, another very brief incident was, I remember I was doing a Metabharvan some years ago. And I was feeling particularly crabby, you know? I felt actually not really that. I was feeling kind of like a lump of wood in a way. I was struggling to do this Metabharvan. Oh, God. I was sort of getting nowhere. And, you know, then sort of, it sort of came through my mind. I don't know the Metabharvan. I don't actually like people. I don't want to know. God! You know, oh, I can't stand this. And people going on your nerves most of the time. And the moment I'd own that, the moment I could admit that to myself, then it's amazing how the sort of Metabharvan came flooding through. It's as if we have to be honest about our reality. And when we can be honest about our reality, we can move on. We don't get stuck with it. And I think that's what keeps us in present moment awareness. It seems to be it's about surrender. It's about surrender. But, of course, you can't say, well, okay, well, I accept a bit of pain, so I can gain a bit of insight. That's not surrendering. That's bargaining. I mean, I think another way we could look at it. I think part of another implication of in the scene, just the scene, in the herd, just the herd, is it's all about, in a way, I've touched on this as well. It's all about our identity, yeah? It's who we think we are. I mean, if experience doesn't fit in with a view of ourselves, it's resisted, yeah? But sometimes reality does just push through. And all we can do is surrender to what's happening. I mean, in a way, I guess it's a kind of dying in a way, but it's a dying while you're still alive. And I think enlightenment, enlightenment is not having any fixed identity. So whatever your experience, whatever experience comes your way, it's neither sort of fled from or clung to. We could perhaps talk about the wisdom of no escape. Very interesting German female writer who died, actually, a few years ago, a council called Iokama. She used to use the phrase a lot that, oh, it's a lost cause. I really like that. It's a lost cause. If you expect to find satisfaction in the future, it's a lost cause. It's a lost cause. And I really like that. And I think if we can discover the futility of running away, then we will be able to be in the present moment. But this does take courage, and undoubtedly does take courage. And it almost feels like we'd be mad to give in, because we also programmed to survive. It is interesting, though, not only as it were, do we flee from pain, but we even flee from the fear of pain. It's amazing how our mind can play tricks on us. And I heard a story once, which I found really fascinating. There was a man who was taken into casualty who got a nail through his foot, and he was in utter agony. Absolute agony. And they had to give him morphine, you know, which is sort of like serious stuff. The only way they could sort of cut the boot off his foot was to give him morphine. And they did. And he was able to relax enough to let them cut off the boot. And when they cut the boot off, the nail wasn't through his foot at all. It was between his toes. Amazing. And that was his anticipated, I have no doubt whatsoever, he experienced pain. But it was his fear of pain that was as much as the actuality. Quite amazing, isn't it? Actually, somebody else the other day just told me, another one quite briefly. I tell, really shocked by him, I'll say. But someone, they said they were locked in a freezer, and they died of hypothermia. But it turned out actually the freezer was turned off. It was a kind of expectation. I suppose the thing is, you know, we do astute pain, we kind of think we'd be mad not to. We feel like we're defeated, don't we? But I suppose all you can do is, when you are defeated, all we can surely do is accept it. And I don't mean stupidly, you know. And there's that lovely old, I think it was originally a prayer, but you can convert it to a Buddhist context. It is sort of like, you know, may I accept what I can't change, may I change what I can change, and may I have the wisdom to know the difference. I think that is a wisdom to be sought after. We hope you enjoyed today's Dharma Bite. Please help us keep this free. Make a contribution at freebuddhistaudio.com/donate. And thank you. [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [BLANK_AUDIO]
