The Intuitive Divorce: Saving Time, Money & Heartache for Moms and their Kids
Putting Out Fires
"Hey, mamas." Divorce can feel like a series of wildfires that thrust you into reactive mode. But here's the deal. You're not a firewoman. And you are far better served by grounded, intuitive, calm strategy. And I know easier said than done, but truth nonetheless. This is all new territory for you. And while your life is in complete flux, you're likely getting a lot thrown at you. Oh, trust me, I remember it well. And I also remember running in circles, exhausting myself and leaving myself depleted and deflated the opposite of strategy. I know why it happened. And it planted the seeds for me to create a business and methodology to prevent other mamas from making the same mistakes, from draining their life force and suffering unnecessarily. Yes, there's a lot going on. And as you navigate your big feelings, there are also big decisions to be made. Consider a moment the condition you wanna be in while doing so. Yes, you'll likely get triggered. You'll say regrettable words and lose your you know what along the way. But you can mitigate this all by developing some new tools, strategy and harnessing the power of your intuition. That's what I wanna talk to you about today. I'm calling this conversation, putting out fires. Hi there, mamas. Welcome to the Intuitive Divorce Podcast. I'm Kristen Noel, Certified Divorce Coach and creator of the best self-intuitive divorce. A game-changing program that transforms the experience and outcomes of divorce, one mother at a time. I call it divorcing differently. I'm here each week bringing you a quick message to support, inspire and empower you to achieve the outcomes you want for yourself and your kids. So let's dive into today's episode. Hey mama, I have a question for you. Are you a fire woman? I didn't think so. So in that case, let me ask you, why are you running around trying to put out fires? I'm not making light of divorce. In fact, I know only too well what it feels like. I once stood where you stand and felt similar emotions. This process can thrust you right into fight or flight, fear, heartache, rage, vulnerability, overwhelm, anxiety, rinse and repeat. I know that divorce is a trigger fest and can feel like a series of catastrophic fires being set one right after the next that need attending. Just when one is extinguished, there's another one underway. And there's truth and untruth to that statement. You might as well prepare yourself to feel the feels, the big feels as you navigate your divorce, fasten your seatbelt and cinch it tight. And then remind yourself that you don't need to respond to every incident that occurs in the heat of the moment, provided it isn't an emergency and someone isn't in physical danger. Because, breathe, reconsider before reacting. This will be the single most important skill you implement into your divorce and life going forward. Because it will mitigate the suffering and diminish the chaos. For the most part, your ex is simply trying to get you to take the bait to keep you entangled in this unhealthy dance that you're trying to break free of. Here she knows your pain points, what will set you off and what buttons to push and push they will, especially when they don't get their way. Or you just suddenly change the rules of engagement. Now, don't get me wrong. I'd love to sit every divorcing couple down and guide them through a conscious uncoupling for the benefit of their kids, respect for their marriage and their bank account and overall wellbeing. But most marriages that coupled unconsciously can't uncouple consciously. If they could, they'd likely stay married. I digress. You're here where you are now because you are courageously looking at that which you weren't ready to see before, that which you weren't able to take action against, that which you weren't able to defend yourself from. But you are now. And you can no longer deny what you see, no, feel and desire for your future. That's both scary and amazingly exciting. You are ready to heal. When we receive a triggering text or some upsetting news from our attorney or overhear something reported back from our kids, it's easy to wanna roll out a response immediately. We feel like we have to stop everything else and get on top of it, but we don't. In fact, we shouldn't. Why? Because there's great power in pausing and recollecting your thoughts. First off, when we don't do that, we live in a reactive mode, not a proactive one. We take the bait and lose ourselves and our better judgment. We relinquish our present moment. We give our power away. We allow someone else to ruin our day. We don't perform well at work. We snap at our kids. We say regrettable words. We add to the pollution. We feel like shit. And nothing changes and no problems have been solved in the meantime. In essence, we create our own mess to clean up at a time that we don't need anything else on our plate. In essence, we create our own mess to clean up at a time when we don't need anything else on our plate. And I get how hard that can be in the moment. When we feel like we're being attacked, when we feel like we have to defend ourselves to our kids, when we feel like we have to get on it immediately and respond, but we don't. Just the other day, a new mom in our coaching group texted me about an alarming situation that had unfolded. I was really glad she reached out. I read her communication and immediately understood that she had been swept up in the false urgency of it. So we talked it out and I talked her off the ledge of stopping everything else in her life in that moment and becoming consumed with responding right away. This is part of what I wrote to her. Don't allow this to hijack your day, interfere with your work, consume you or steal your precious time with your kids. I know it's important, but don't allow it to derail you and sabotage other important aspects of your life. Give it a little space and you will put a solid proposal together in response. Try not to incite him any further at this point. We can be smart about this and achieve the same goal. Here's another way of looking at it. Imagine that everything you say and write him at this point forward will be reviewed by the court. Don't give him any ammunition to use against you. So how exactly do we achieve this? Start with asking yourself. What is urgent in this moment? What is the truth of the situation? Will the house burn down if I don't respond immediately? Will, what I want to say to my ex in this moment actually accomplish something productive or just add fuel to the fire? Self-preservation is self-care, mama. Pausing is powerful and avails you of perspective. There were steps I advised this mama to take that definitely made her feel that she wasn't sitting back and being passive, but she also quickly realized the merit of conducting herself calmly and strategically. Mud slinging in divorce is truly a waste of time. Allowing your ex to drag you down and leave you spinning in circles is unnecessarily disempowering. This is what I do every day. I help mamas reclaim the lost pieces and parts of themselves. I walk beside them as they reconnect to their intuition, get grounded and make prudent decisions in their divorces. I witness them heal and come alive again. I see them shift from reactive mode to being proactive in their lives. I see them breathe, smile and laugh again. I see the seeds they planted for their new life chapter take root. And as I always say, when one woman heals a part of herself, its effects will fall far and wide. Isn't that what you want mama for you, your kids, your divorce? Stop trying to put out fires set by unhealthy spouses. There's a better way to deal with this, a better way to divorce, and it's what we call the intuitive divorce method. Thanks for listening to today's episode, but more importantly, for making this time for yourself. If you're a professional independent mother facing off with divorce, struggling with your emotions, worried about your kids and your future and want a better way to navigate it all, I've got two ways to completely change the trajectory of your divorce and your life starting today. The first is our free divorce workshop. In this training, you'll learn the three steps to get off the emotional rollercoaster and take control of your divorce so you can save time, money and heartache for you and your family. Simply go to intuitivedivorce.com/workshop. And the second way is to book a free strategy call with our team, where we'll dive into your situation, your struggles, what you really want, and outline a path to get you there. For a short video and the booking link, go to intuitivedivorce.com/call. Check it out and I'll see you inside. Now I have a favor to ask you, mama. If you enjoyed this conversation and were inspired in your own divorce, please subscribe to this podcast. So you don't miss future juicy talks. And I'd be so grateful if you'd leave a review, so together we can help other mamas walking in the same shoes. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) [MUSIC]