The Intuitive Divorce: Saving Time, Money & Heartache for Moms and their Kids
You, Your Intuition & Your Lawyer
Hey, mamas, people often misconstrue intuition as being woo-woo, especially when they hear the word divorce, but nothing can be further from the truth. Harnessing the power of your intuition is strategic, and I'll even go as far as saying that it's probably the most important strategy to lean upon. I also know that that may feel like a foreign language to a mother who has lost pieces and parts of herself throughout her marriage and life. It's hard to trust yourself when your voice may have been belittled, diminished, or invalidated along the way. It may feel overwhelming to even consider where to start and how to find your way back when you've learned to shove your intuition aside for so long. But here's the good news. It's all there awaiting your return. Why is it so important? Because in a divorce, you're going to be faced with some big decision-making, and you'll be left to live with the ramifications of your choices. This is precisely why it's critical to make your voice heard, especially with your lawyer, and that you re-establish a relationship to your intuition. I see this emotion every day and the impact it has on everything, from saving time, money, and unnecessary heartache, to achieving the outcomes you want, the emotional healing, and creating new chapters. Today, I even want to share the story of a mama in our coaching program who did just this and redirected her attorney. That's what I want to talk to you about today. I'm calling this conversation "You, Your Intuition, and Your Lawyer." Hi there mamas, welcome to the intuitive divorce podcast. I'm Kristin Noel, certified divorce coach and creator of the best self-intuitive divorce, a game-changing program that transforms the experience and outcomes of divorce, one mother at a time. I call it divorcing differently. I'm here each week bringing you a quick message to support, inspire, and empower you to achieve the outcomes you want for yourself and your kids. So let's dive into today's episode. Use Flash Lawyers may know everything about the law, but they don't know everything about you and your life. Like it or not? If you're getting a divorce, you'll likely need and want a lawyer on board in some capacity. Even the most amicable of dissolutions through mediation need a lawyer to sign off on the final court filings. Besides, it's prudent to have a stamp of approval from someone who has your best interest at heart. And while I'm a huge fan of mediation when it's possible and when you have a mediator that keeps the process on track, a mama needs to be able to read the room and act accordingly. When mediation is carrying on endlessly without progress, give yourself permission to abandon the process. When the mediator feels ineffective at keeping the two parties on point, give yourself permission to walk away. If you are about to head into surgery and had a pre-operation meeting with your doctor and got a really bad feeling about him or her, would you still carry on? Remember that you have hired these professionals to protect and guide you, but that doesn't mean you don't pay attention to your own impressions, intuition, inner gut. Call it what you want. In fact, you need to pay more attention to it. Constantly check in and ask yourself, "Is this aligned with me?" There is a lot of comfort being represented by someone who is making sure that you're being protected, that you aren't missing something or leaving anything on the table. It can be reassuring to defer to their expertise and get your questions answered and be advised on strategy. But it's really important to convey your objectives to your attorney. Yes, they are the professional. Yes, they have a lot of experience in this arena. Yes, they may surprise you with strategy or present you with ideas you hadn't considered, but you know what they don't know? You. They don't know what's important to you in the long run. They need to because you are the one that's going to live at the ramifications of your choices. Ultimately, always remember that your attorney works for you. You are paying the bill, and speaking of bills, those bills can be a lot less if you approach your attorney with clarity. Now, I know this is all new territory for you. I know it's hard to trust anyone when the person you committed to having a family with, building a life with, and spending your life with betrays you, but you need to lean on your intuition here. You need to get clear about your objectives and your heart, and then you need to declare it. How do you want this divorce to look and feel? How much time are you willing to have your life stuck in limbo? How much are you willing to drain your bank account in life savings? How much are you willing to sacrifice yourself care and overall well-being? What do you want your children to witness? How do you want the energy of your house to feel, even now during the divorce? How can you walk away from this negotiation with your head held high? The best way is to figure out what is most important to you. Not what someone else tells you is important, what do you ultimately want to achieve here? This is why we help our clients craft something we created called the divorce declaration. It provides a template and methodology for getting crystal clear and provides guardrails to stay on track. There is no one way through divorce, and the first permission slip you need to write yourself is the one that allows you to pivot and make a different choice. I have witnessed and encouraged plenty of mamas change attorneys or abandon their mediation because it was going nowhere fast. While you can only control your side of the street, while you can't guarantee any outcomes when a divorce lands in court, you can make sure you are in the most grounded, intuitive, trust in place so that you can make the tough decisions. How? It's actually not rocket science, it starts with taking care of yourself. When was the last time you made yourself a priority in this way? As a working mama, you probably fell to the bottom of the laundry basket, attending to the needs, agendas, and desires of everyone else from your spouse and children to your boss, family, and community, etc. The list goes on. Really put, a frazzled mother can't be on her A-game for anyone, least of all the big decision-making she's being called to. But I also understand how that sounds like a lot of blah, blah, blah when you're feeling broken open, vulnerable, sad, enraged, isolated, worried, confused, etc. Self-care usually isn't on the top of the priority list for a triggered mother in the midst of divorce, but honoring your well-being needs and desires will change the trajectory of all that is to come. So much of the work that I do with mamas is helping them reconnect to their power when they feel disempowered and it changes how they move through the world from that day forward. Did I mention how glorious it is to witness? I don't know if you ever saw that movie sliding doors with Gwyneth Paltrow, but it exemplifies how life is predicated on the choices we make. Each door provides a different outcome. I think about this film quite a bit because the work we do with our mamas helps them avoid reacting and responding in the heat of the moment and creating more chaos. Consider it this way, when we become aware of our triggers and the feeling beneath them and when we witness ourselves about to go down a path we don't want to walk, we can make a different choice, we can board a new train car. I see this in motion every day. Just the other morning I got a text from one of the grads of our program. She had found herself back in court as one with small children negotiating ever-changing custody situations does. She wrote me, "I have a mind-blowing update. Mind-blowing update don't leave me hanging." It turns out that in finalizing some of the last pieces, two things happened, a totally unexpected move of civility was underfoot, and a scheduled court date was canceled at the last minute because suddenly her ex agreed to her proposal. Now, as a little background, this hasn't been an easy process by any stretch of the imagination for this mama, and she endured some pretty rough decisions made by the court. It went on too long and caused too much. Lawyers were involved, court dates were set, disappointing results were had. Suddenly my client really pushed back on her lawyer and kept insisting that she be heard. At first, he tried to talk her out of it, but then relinquished. She wrote a few thoughts and ideas down for a proposal. Initially, her attorney was placating her, but after reading what she wrote, he responded by saying, "You know what? They may actually go for this." And go for it, they did. This is why we work to get mamas back into their intuitive power. There is nothing like pairing a woman's intuition with strategy. This is what it means to become the CEO of your divorce. This is how you divorce differently. This is how you heal through the hardest moment of your life. You don't need to do it alone. You just need to have someone walk beside you to help you reclaim those lost pieces and parts of yourself. This is what the mama I was telling you about wrote me after the fact. She said, "After exhausting every aspect of communication I know, asking, explaining, clarifying, raising my voice, I humanize myself and my four-year-old and connected how a legal document impacts our lives. Then I employed accountability and asked my attorney if he represented me or not." Wow. Silence, no more. She no longer took a backseat and made her voice heard. And together, they achieved her desired result. That is something to feel really good about. And you can do the same mama. Thanks for listening to today's episode, but more importantly, for making this time for yourself. If you're a professional, independent mother facing off with divorce, struggling with your emotions, worried about your kids and your future, and want a better way to navigate it all, I've got two ways to completely change the trajectory of your divorce and your life starting today. The first is our free divorce workshop. In this training, you'll learn the three steps to get off the emotional roller coaster and take control of your divorce so you can save time, money, and heartache for you and your family. Simply go to intuitivedivorce.com/workshop. And the second way is to book a free strategy call with our team, where we'll dive into your situation, your struggles, what you really want, and outline a path to get you there. For a short video and the booking link, go to intuitivedivorce.com/call. Check it out and I'll see you inside. Now I have a favor to ask you mama. If you enjoyed this conversation and were inspired in your own divorce, please subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss future juicy talks. And I'd be so grateful if you'd leave a review so together we can help other mamas walking in the same shoes. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music]