Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents

Take yourself out of the middle.

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)I spent A LOT of years trying to protect Dan from his own crappy decisions. In doing so, I inadvertently buffered him from the very real consequences of his actions (or inactions). In fact, I protected and buffered him so well that he had zero incentive to change. 🤦🏻‍♀️.If I could go back in time, I'd save both of us a whole lot of frustration by reminding him a normal amount about important things — and then letting life happen. Oh, you never replied to your ex...

Duration:: 2m
Broadcast on:: 10 Aug 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)

I spent A LOT of years trying to protect Dan from his own crappy decisions. In doing so, I inadvertently buffered him from the very real consequences of his actions (or inactions). In fact, I protected and buffered him so well that he had zero incentive to change. 🤦🏻‍♀️.

If I could go back in time, I'd save both of us a whole lot of frustration by reminding him a normal amount about important things — and then letting life happen. Oh, you never replied to your ex's email in time about that day trade to accommodate our family vacation? Guess your kid isn't coming then. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I know that sounds mean but it only would've taken ONE incident like that to improve our entire family dynamic. ONE. And instead, I spent years and years arguing and nagging and frustrated as hell... with no effect whatsoever, unless you include increasing both our stress levels.

Caring more about your partner's boundaries with the ex than they do, or caring more about your stepkid's upbringing than your partner does — both of those are recipes for resentment, frustration, and a whole lotta arguing in circles. Let's not do that anymore. Instead, go read this: ➡️ THE DISENGAGING ESSAY 👀 Disengaging is often incorrectly interpreted as having nothing to do with your stepkids, but really it’s about stepping back from trying to control everything. Which you might not even realize you’re doing — I definitely didn’t.

Anyway. All this is to say, it really is okay to let your partner & your stepkids experience the natural consequences of their actions or inactions. If you’ve tried everything else, I encourage you to maybe try that next and see how it goes.

Side note: if you’re finding this podcast helpful, I’d really appreciate it if you’d take a couple minutes to leave a review! Reviews help us get more listeners, and helping more stepparents is definitely the goal. Thanks so much and I’ll catch you back here tomorrow. xo

Need a bigger pep talk? Start here or join us over on Substack! xo

🧡 Need a bigger pep talk? Start here or join us over on Substack! xo

I spent a lot of years trying to protect Dan from his own crappy decisions. In doing so, I inadvertently buffered him from the very real consequences of his actions or inactions. In fact, I protected him, buffered him so well that he had zero incentive to change. Oops. If I could go back in time, I'd save us both a whole lot of frustration by reminding him a normal amount about important things and then letting life happen. Oh, you never replied to your ex's email in time about that day trade to accommodate our family vacation? Guess your kid isn't coming, man. I know that sounds mean, but it only would have taken one incident like that to improve our entire family dynamic. One! And instead, I spent years and years arguing and nagging and frustrated as hell with no effect whatsoever, unless you include increasing both of our stress levels. Carrying more about your partner's boundaries with the ex than they do, or carrying more about your step-kids upbringing than your partner does, both of those are recipes for resentment, frustration, and a whole lot of arguing in circles. Let's not do that anymore. Instead, go read the disengaging essay. I'll link it right in the show notes. Reaching is often incorrectly interpreted as having nothing to do with your step-kids, but really, it's about stepping back from trying to control everything, which you might not even realize that you're doing. I definitely didn't. Anyway, all this is to say, it really is okay to let your partner and your step-kids experience the natural fallout of their actions or inactions. If you've tried everything else and nothing has worked, I encourage you to maybe try that next and see how it goes. PS, if you're finding this podcast helpful, I would really appreciate if you'd take a couple minutes to leave a review. Reviews help us get more listeners, and helping more step-parents is definitely the goal. Thanks so much, and I'll catch you back here tomorrow.