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If you haven’t heard of Bill Eddy, he’s basically the king of kicking high conflict’s ass. And he’s got a fantastically simple tip to greatly minimize communication problems with difficult people called the BIFF response:
B = BRIEF: Keep your reply short, and preferably in writing.
I = INFORMATIVE: Respond with relevant facts, not emotions. Don’t waste time defending or explaining yourself; a high-conflict person will just cherry-pick new arguments.
F = FRIENDLY: Don’t go overboard with this one but do take the time to begin and end communications in polite, neutral manner.
F = FIRM: Don’t participate in additional drama. If the ex’s temper flares up, calmly (and firmly!) end the conversation.
Bill Eddy has a great example of using the BIFF response on his website that’s gold for anyone who’s gotten stuck arguing in circles with a difficult narcissist. The BIFF response is also perfect when used in combination with our 10 Commandments for high-conflict co-parenting.
If you’re finding these little tips and pep talks helpful, I’d love it if you’d take a couple minutes to leave a review! Every review gives us a little algorithm bump, which will hopefully help more folks find us. And helping more struggling stepparents is definitely our goal. Thanks so much and I’ll catch you back here tomorrow. xo
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Need a bigger pep talk? Start here or join us over on Substack! xo
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🧡 Need a bigger pep talk? Start here or join us over on Substack! xo
If you haven't heard of Bill Eddy, he's basically the king of kicking high-conflicts ass. And he's got a fantastically simple tip to greatly minimize communication problems with difficult people, called the BIF response. BIF is an acronym, so we'll go over the letters one at a time. B stands for brief, keep your reply short and preferably in writing. I is for informative. Respond with relevant facts, not emotions. Don't waste time defending or explaining yourself. A high-conflict person will just cherry-pick new arguments. F is for friendly. Don't go overboard with this one, but do take the time to begin and end communications in a polite, yet neutral manner. And the second F is for firm, as in firm boundaries. Don't participate in additional drama. If the X's temper flares up, just calmly and firmly end the conversation. Bill Eddy has a great example of using the BIF response on his website that is "gold" for anyone who's gotten stuck arguing in circles with a difficult narcissist. I'll link it in the show notes. The BIF response is also perfect when used in combination with our tank mammoths for high-conflict co-parenting. I will link both of these resources in the show notes for you. If you are finding these little tips and pep talks helpful, I would love it if you'd take a couple minutes to leave us a review. Every review gives us a little algorithm bump, which hopefully helps more folks find us and helping more struggling step parents is definitely the goal. Thanks so much, and I'll catch you back here tomorrow.
