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A huge challenge in defining your role as a stepparent is trying to figure out when that role actually begins.
When you become a parent, there's a clear before-and-after sequence. One day there wasn't a kid around. The next day, BAM. You're a parent. Even adoptive parents and foster parents experience this.
As a stepparent, not so much. Becoming a stepparent is the opposite of a clear sequence. No one says "I'm now a stepparent!" after they've been on a couple dates with someone who has kids. I never called myself a stepmom until after Dan and I got married. Which was ridiculous; if I wasn't a stepparent by then— at 4 years in and living together— what was I?
But while there may not be a clear starting point for the moment you become a stepparent, one thing that stepparents and biological parents have in common is this: there is no end point. Your role is always evolving, always growing and changing. You'll always learn more, you'll always find better approaches, you'll have good days and rough days and in-between days.
In the meantime, don’t stress too much about defining your relationship or wondering if you’re a “real” stepparent yet. It’s okay not to have those answers right away. And if you want more reassurance about that, go check out my workshop on redefining the stepparenting role. It’s free to paid Substack subscribers, but you can unlock access with a free trial too. xo
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Need a bigger pep talk? Start here or join us over on Substack! xo
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🧡 Need a bigger pep talk? Start here or join us over on Substack! xo
A huge challenge in defining your role as a step parent is trying to figure out when that role actually even begins. When you become a parent, there's a clear before and after sequence. One day there wasn't a kid around, the next day, bam, you're a parent. Even adoptive parents and foster parents experience this. As a step parent, not so much. (laughs) Becoming a step parent is the opposite of a clear sequence. No one says, I'm now a step parent after they've been on a couple dates with someone who has kids. And if there's any such thing as a step parent shower to celebrate becoming a step parent, I've never heard of it. Although maybe we should start those, you guys. (laughs) I never even called myself a step mom until after Dan and I got married, which was ridiculous. If I wasn't a step parent by then, at four years in and already living together, well, what was I? While there might not be a clear starting point for the moment that you become a step parent, one thing that step parents and other kinds of parents have in common is this, there is no end point. Your role is always evolving, always growing and changing. You will always learn more, find better approaches, have good days and rough days and in between days. So in the meantime, don't stress too much about defining your relationship or wondering if you're a real quote unquote, step parent yet. It's okay not to have those answers right away. And if you want more reassurance about that, go check out my workshop on redefining the step parenting role. It's free to our paid sub-stacks subscribers, but you can unlock access with a free trial too. I'll link all the info you need right in the show notes.
