Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents

Don’t put the kids first.

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)A lot of single parents genuinely don’t realize that they’re doing their kids (and their romantic partners!) a disservice by putting the kids first no matter what. Yes, kids have needs, and obviously it’s a parent’s job to make sure those needs are met.However, your relationship has needs too. And pretending like only the kids’ needs matter is not sustainable. Just like it’d also be unsustainable to neglect your kids by spending all your time and energy on a rom...

Duration:: 1m
Broadcast on:: 26 Jul 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)

A lot of single parents genuinely don’t realize that they’re doing their kids (and their romantic partners!) a disservice by putting the kids first no matter what. Yes, kids have needs, and obviously it’s a parent’s job to make sure those needs are met.

However, your relationship has needs too. And pretending like only the kids’ needs matter is not sustainable. Just like it’d also be unsustainable to neglect your kids by spending all your time and energy on a romantic partner. Finding a balance between those commitments is key. If you feel like you’re in competition with your stepkids for your partner’s attention, that’s a sign your needs aren’t getting met.

One of the few things a stepfamily has in common with a traditional family is that the couple-relationship forms the foundation. Bending over backwards for the sake of the kids does not set your stepfamily up for success. This is so important to understand that I have a whole blog post on it: WHY YOUR RELATIONSHIP (NOT THE KIDS) SHOULD COME FIRST IN A STEPFAMILY

Hopefully you can get your partner to read it too. xo

Need a bigger pep talk? Start here or join us over on Substack! xo

🧡 Need a bigger pep talk? Start here or join us over on Substack! xo

I know, I know, the advice not to put the kids first seems backwards from what you would expect to hear and maybe it's backwards from what you believe yourself. A lot of single parents, including me when I was a single parent and Dan when he was a single parent, we genuinely don't realize that we're doing our kids and our romantic partners a disservice by putting the kids first no matter what. Yes, kids have needs and obviously it's a parent's job to make sure those needs are met. However, your relationship has needs too and pretending like only the kids' needs matter is not sustainable, just like it'd also be unsustainable to neglect your kids by spending all your time and energy on a romantic partner. Finding a balance between those commitments is key. If you feel like you're in competition with your step-kids for your partner's attention, that's a sign that your needs aren't getting met. One of the few things a step-family has in common with a traditional family is that the couple relationship forms your foundation. Bending over backwards for the sake of the kids does not set your step-family up for success. This is so important to understand that I have a whole blog post on it, I'll share it in the show notes. Hopefully you can get your partner to read it too.