Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents

Stepparenting + lack of control.

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Stepparents have the best of intentions. We think we’re supposed to support our partner, help parent their kids, smooth things out between houses… basically make our partner’s lives better, in the interest of becoming a family together. Seems sensible enough, right?So it can be a REAL FRIGGIN SHOCK if none of our efforts seem to work — or worse, backfire! And then we’re like, well, what are we doing wrong here?? If we were stepparenting the "right" way, then ste...

Duration:: 1m
Broadcast on:: 20 Jul 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)

Stepparents have the best of intentions. We think we’re supposed to support our partner, help parent their kids, smooth things out between houses… basically make our partner’s lives better, in the interest of becoming a family together. Seems sensible enough, right?

So it can be a REAL FRIGGIN SHOCK if none of our efforts seem to work — or worse, backfire! And then we’re like, well, what are we doing wrong here?? If we were stepparenting the "right" way, then stepfamily life would be easier, right?

I’m here to tell you that nope, it’s not you; it’s the situation. Stepfamily dynamics are incredibly complex, and stepparents actually have way less influence over that than we think. Our partner's parenting (or lack thereof), our stepkids' behavior, the ex being difficult... the idea that we can control ANY of these things is a total illusion. So it’s really okay to stop bending yoruself into various pretzel shapes trying to figure out what everyone else wants from you.

It’s not until we learn how focus on what we can control (a damn short list, I can tell you) that stepparenting finally starts getting easier. Which is where the idea of disengaging comes in. For more help understanding this concept, start by reading the Disengaging Essay. xo

Need a bigger pep talk? Start here or join us over on Substack! xo

🧡 Need a bigger pep talk? Start here or join us over on Substack! xo

Stepparents have the best of intentions. We think we're supposed to support our partner, help parent their kids, smooth things out between houses, it basically make our partners' lives better in the interest of becoming a family together. Seems sensible enough, right? So it can be a real friggin' shock if none of our efforts seem to work. Or worse, they backfire. And then we're like, "Well, what are we doing wrong here?" If we were step parenting the "right" way, then step family life would be easier, right? I'm here to tell you that no, it's not you, it's the situation. Step family dynamics are incredibly complex, and step parents actually have way less influence over that than we think. Our partner's parenting, or lack thereof, our step-kids behavior, the X being difficult, the idea that we can control any of these things is a total illusion. So it's really okay to stop bending yourself into various pretzel shapes, trying to figure out what everyone else wants from you. It's not until we learn how to focus on what we can control, a damn short list, I can tell you, that step parenting finally starts to get easier, which is where the idea of disengaging comes in. For more help, understanding this concept, start by reading the disengaging essay, I will link it right in the show notes.