Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents

When you care too much.

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)It’s ironic that stepparents are so often accused of not loving our stepkids like our own. In my experience, having talked to thousands of stepparents over the years, it’s far more common for us to care too much about our stepkids. Sometimes even to our own detriment.If our stepkids don’t seem to like us, we keep trying and trying and trying to win them over. If we see that they’re struggling without structure and guidance, we come in with rules and boundaries i...

Duration:: 1m
Broadcast on:: 08 Jul 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)

It’s ironic that stepparents are so often accused of not loving our stepkids like our own. In my experience, having talked to thousands of stepparents over the years, it’s far more common for us to care too much about our stepkids. Sometimes even to our own detriment.

If our stepkids don’t seem to like us, we keep trying and trying and trying to win them over. If we see that they’re struggling without structure and guidance, we come in with rules and boundaries in an attempt to help. Yet no matter how good our intentions may be, our stepkids just might not be ready for a relationship with us right now. They might not want anything to do with what we’re bringing to the table. In which case, it’s actually okay to step back a little.

Or as we call it here in the stepparent-sphere: disengage. Disengaging is more about letting go of your own expectations for how you wish your stepkid would act than it is not caring about your stepkids. And taking that step back can also be a solution to our own burnout as stepparents.

Disengaging is the natural counterbalance to realizing we have over-engaged. Not because we don’t care about our stepkids, but because we start to wonder if maybe we can best serve our stepkids' interests in a completely different way than we originally envisioned. It’s not ending your relationship with your stepkids — it’s the start of a different way to relate to your stepkid.

To learn how you taking a step back might actually help your stepfamily, start by reading the Disengaging Essay.

Need a bigger pep talk? Start here or join us over on Substack! xo

🧡 Need a bigger pep talk? Start here or join us over on Substack! xo

It's ironic that step parents are so often accused of not loving our step kids like our own. In my experience, having talked to thousands of step parents over the years, it's far more common for us to care too much about our step kids, sometimes even to our own detriment. If our step kids don't seem to like us, we keep trying and trying and trying to win them over. If we see that they're struggling without structuring guidance, we come in with rules and boundaries in an attempt to help. Yet no matter how good our intentions may be, our step kids might just not be ready for a relationship with us right now. They might not want anything to do with what we're bringing to the table, in which case it's actually okay to step back a little, or as we call it here in the step parent sphere, disengage. Disengaging is more about letting go of your own expectations for how you wish your step kid would act than it is not caring about your step kids, and taking that step back can also be a solution to our own burnout as step parents. Disengaging is the natural counterbalance to realizing that we've over engaged, not because we don't care about our step kids, but because we start to wonder if maybe we can best serve our step kids interests in a completely different way than we originally envisioned. It's not ending your relationship with your step kids, it's starting a different way to relate to them. To learn more about how you taking a step back might actually help your step family, start by reading the disengaging essay. I'll link it right in the show notes.