(upbeat music) - Hello, everyone. My name is Ashley, our post-time back, and I am thrilled to announce my new podcast on the Hopecast Network, Locks of Laughs, where I will be chatting with comedians, restaurant tours, and everyone in the entertainment industry about comedy, duh, pop culture, and of course, a little bit of food. You can follow lots of Laughs on Instagram, @locksoflaughspodcast, and Locks of Laughs will be available on Spotify, iTunes, anywhere you listen to podcasts. So, like, follow, subscribe, and I cannot wait to nosh with you. (upbeat music) This is the Hopecast Network. Stories and shows you actually wanna listen to. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) Welcome to another episode of Movie Torture. I'm Roger, and I'm here with my little buddy, Brad, producer, Gary, and our newest member of Movie Torture, Jacob. Welcome, Jacob. - Hello. Thank you for having me on. - I love your Roger invitation to (laughs) He sounds like a psychotic peaceful man. Hello, Jacob. Express your feelings, Jacob. - He's not like he's running a late-night radio station. He's like, "Oh, my good love connection." - And then he's like, "I remember when I used to have a long, flowing red locks." - The red fro. - The red fro. That should be his nickname, the red fro. - That would be a superhero name. - Oh, my gosh. I wish Roger was still on, man. He's still on that strike. He wants those three Big Macs to stay on the pod. He's boycotting right now, until we pay up with food. - I think if you offered him two Big Macs and 40% of the generous coffee proceeds, he'd go for it. - Maybe? I don't know. Roger likes his Big Macs, then. - Wait, okay, hang on. If we're gonna discuss pay here, we're gonna discuss salaries. We need to get around the mind. When are we gonna try? - You're the intern, man. You don't make anything. - I'm an intern? - You're the producer, intern producer. - Jacob! - What about those other new talent fees, you know? Listeners, this is Jacob. Now, Jacob is such a cool dude. We're one, he's one of our two listeners. Movie torture dad and Jacob. And he literally lives like right beside me pretty much. I can look out and see him on his porch. So we're glad to have you here, Jacob. We're here to find out all the fun stuff about you so we can ridicule you later. - That's perfect, bring it. I'll bring that Midwest charm to the podcast. Now, wait a minute, is, and I don't know this, is Minnesota really the Midwest? You're kind of like so far. - It is, but it is considered the Midwest. - Oh. - It's like Midwest, but, you know, it's mid in the middle. - What does sweet tea mean to you? - Sweet tea? - Yeah. - What is that? - Oh my gosh. - That comes in the end from the gas station, Arizona. Sweet tea. - No, that's not allowed south of Virginia. - Yeah. - Up here, I've learned that everything is lemonade. They love lemonade, man. They suck lemonade down like it's going on a style, man. - Hot dish and lemonade, that stuff's worth that. - It's a lot of stuff we're not used to from the south. - How many miles are you away from a sun drop or a cheer one right now, Brad? - I'm probably a thousand miles away from it. I mean, I'm a long way. I am a long ways from that. But they have something up here. I like those bubble drinks, what are they called? Those are pretty good. Bubblers. - Oh, bubble with tea, bubble with bubblers. - Bubblers, they got bubblers up. I don't have those in the sound. I like the bubblers. Like lemon lime bubbler, it's like a carbonated water, but it's pretty good. - That's a little quick trick. - You and your buddy used to do it in the woods. - Bubblers? Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, you haven't-- - You know the bubbler? - We haven't even talked about the name of this movie at Jacob. - That's true. - Jacob's, no, let me just, I wanna say, I really like Jacob a lot. He watches the movies, which I do like. And we gotta bring it today, Jacob, 'cause you know why Jonathan and Gary have not seen this movie, so we're gonna basically be introducing it to them. - All right, let's bring it. - Listen, full disclosure. You know, Brad didn't tell me or I didn't read well because I had no idea I was doing this movie. - He did, he's like, I guess I'm staying over another one. I'm like, yeah, you're gonna stay over one more. We're gonna get this one done. - I was gonna be in the audience. I didn't even know what the movies were. - It's like, you know what is Gary showing up? - You don't watch movies anyway. Jonathan watches them, Jacob watches them. We're gonna have fun regards, 'cause Jonathan, you're gonna have so many fun things to say about this movie, 'cause there is so much to unpack in this movie. - There is a lot. I mean, every turn, the king of the one minors in that movie are just, it's something different. - Yeah, I'm gonna pull up some quotes from this movie while we're talking about Jonathan, tell us a little bit about the history of just one of the guys. - All right, so just one of the guys is a 1985 American teen comedy film directed by Lisa Gottlieb and co-written by Dennis Fieldman and Jeff Franklin. Didn't Jeff Franklin do "Full House"? - I think so, I think this is the "Full House" guy, which is, I'm looking, is this the "Full House" guy? Yeah, this is "Full House", this is the "Full House" guy. - Well, we know it's not as good as "Full House". It's a loose adaptation of William Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night". It has a runtime of 100 minutes, and I don't see anything about the budget, but it had a box office of $11.5 million, which is probably not bad for 1985, right? - Uh, yeah, that's pretty bad. I mean, it's not terrible, but this movie bombed. - I think it looked up, it was like, they spent $5 million making it. - Oh, so they made $6 million, Jeff. - Let me some money. - They made some money. - I would love this to make $6.5 million today, let's go. - All right. (laughing) Is that it? Are we good on that? - I got nothing else. Sorry. - I got nothing. Okay, I'm gonna do a real one minute synopsis on this movie. Terry is a good looking woman who wants to be an intern at the newspaper, and she can't get it, figures it's because she's not a dude. So we know what she does, she goes home, tells her, man, her brother is somebody I get into him. He's gonna be in prison one day. She decides to be a guy. So she chops her hair off short, like Gary, and goes to a new school where she meets, she goes to, this is, I'm not even gonna say this in the sport, in the synops, we're gonna talk about this. She goes to a new school and writes it again, meets a friend who is a nerd and doesn't have any chicks. She chicks him up, she gets him ready, man. She like says, this is how you become a man. Takes him on the 80s shop and spree, buys the clothes. Then they go to a party, she kisses him as the dude. And he's like, oh, I'm not like that, I'm not gay. And she's like, I love you and I'm really a girl. And they end up together. So much to unpack this movie, man. - So, I was kinda like reading through what the summary of the movie was earlier. It made me think of the movie, She's the Man that had a man to buy it, which is actually based off of the same Shakespeare play. - Yeah, She's the Man I would show to my 11 year old. We think we've probably seen it. This movie should not be shown to anyone at the age of 18, I mean, full disclosure. This movie, how this movie got a PG-13 jacket. - It's incredible, I don't understand it. - Jonathan, I watched this movie all the time when it was on HBO as a kid. 'Cause there's one scene in this movie that a 12 year old would love. And I'm just gonna say that, I was gonna leave it at that. There's one scene in this movie that a 12 year old be loved. But there's, okay, Jacob, this kid's bedroom, by the way. Jonathan, her brother, his bedroom. Imagine you're about, he has nothing but playboy photos on the walls and you can't even see the wall. - Everywhere. - Everywhere, he has all the center folds hanging up. - 15. - You used what, 15, 15. - Where are these people? - This is like, oh no, bro, we're getting to the parents. We're getting to the jacket. We're having a two week vacation and just leave these kids home alone. This high school, this 15 year old. I mean, you gotta jump in right into the beginning of this movie. I mean, I don't know how you guys hang out with your siblings, but mine was never spent sitting at the breakfast table eating cold pizza while looking at a playboy magazine sitting next to my sister. It just starts off with a bagel or something. - Oh, it's the weirdest thing, but Jacob, this kid has no shame, man, he has no shame. He knows what he is and he owns it. He owns it, like he's, John, for this movie, PG-13. Jacob, I noticed this. I was looking yesterday. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm watching this movie after church. I'm sitting on my couch. I'm watching this movie. - He has these center folds. They're not blurring them out. Did you notice that? - I was single one, 100% yeah. - You got full frontal. - You're seeing everything. - Only center folds. And this is a PG-13 movie. This is not R-rated. - Right. - PG-13. - Different ratings system back in the '80s. - What are you thinking right now, John? You're awfully quiet. - That's your applause. I think this is probably worn out on your remote. - Oh my gosh, no, but he's like, you're right, Jacob. He holds nothing back. He is into that magazine, really nearly. Like he's looking at it. Like he doesn't even care. - Before they even get on the wall, this guy holds out like 40 magazines, 50 magazines, all over his bed. And then he's confused on how a basic comic book got mixed in with his magazines. And he just whips the comic book out of the way. - He throws Dr. Doom away. He's like, I ain't reading this crap. - How does it get here? - It's so nudity in this comic book. - I don't want this in my house. - And she is like, she is a normal girl. - And her boyfriend is every bit of 41. He has to be like-- - He's barely in college, but yeah, he is looking old. - He looks like he's fathered three kids and like-- - He's lived some life. - He's lived a good life. And he's dating this high school girl. He's fighting with her. Like, I don't think I could date a high school girl if I'm single and in my 30s. Just don't think I can do that. - Yeah, I don't think that's allowed. - I think that's allowed. - I think there's lots of stuff from doing that. - Maybe to stop this guy, 'cause he definitely is a jerk man. And in something, this guy, I couldn't, I could not stop looking him going. He looks so old. I wonder what his age is. I mean, what's his age? Jonathan, you can chime in, 'cause this is basically like she's the man. - What are you asking me? - I'm just saying you can chime in, 'cause you're not missing much. So Joyce, she goes to, I'm trying to find, okay. Her boyfriend, my gosh, her boyfriend turns 70 next year. - Wow, that was what 40 years ago. - She turns 70 next year, so they're the same age, but he looked a lot older than her. - He did. - He looked a lot older than her. She was 30 when she shot this movie as a high school kid. - Could they not cast younger people? I mean, was that rule back then that they can't cast the actual ages? - That's even how old was the brother, actually, in that movie, 'cause he played off as being 15. - He was, doesn't say his age. Doesn't say his age. Yeah, don't know. Billy Jane is his name. But the parents to your question, Jonathan, there's no parenting that's moving. You never see the parents. I mean, they are home alone. They are Kevin McAllister. - They are gone for two weeks on vacation, so the brother has a mission completed in two weeks. - Yes, he has a mission. I'm just thinking, like, what I would have done. I'm not a part of yours. I don't know, but like, I can't imagine being a kid. Like, I would not leave my kid home alone for two weeks. I gotta know what he would do to my house, man. Like, I'd be scared. Like, he'd be like, "You want me to play?" I mean, if he was 16, he'd be like, "I'm gonna play some Fortnite all day." - 24/7. - 24/7, Fortnite. I'm just like, okay, whatever, man. But like, I never got left home for two weeks as a kid. Ever, didn't any of you guys get left home for that long amount of time? - Two weeks? - That's a kid. Wow. - Left 15. - A week? Oh my gosh, man. Man, I bet you just had a party when they were gone. You had the, you had the, did you still vacuum up the heaters then, or did you just let them go? - I think my dad and the quests, I'm kidding. - You did what? - By the end, my parents are quits. - Were you in the trailer? - We were out in the trailer by this point in my life. - I was gonna say, we see the trailer rock and don't come enough. Look at you here, he's like. So, so she has the wise idea to become a dude. And her name is Terry. So it's very either or at this point. She, Terry can go either way. Guy or girl? - Well, it wasn't like, she submits this article and blames it because she's a girl. But she writes this article based off what it wasn't like, the health of our food, our lunch food. Like that. And he's like, no, your article is just boring. And he's like, she's like, but I'm gonna read your quarter. And the teacher's like, well, you should have a backup plan. And she's like, what? And he's like, we're a good looking girl. He could be a model, be a model. - He would get fired for that today, by the way. - Did you see it before that point where, like when the teachers come in, they're a conversation? So the teachers come in when she's looking through the folder and the one teacher's like, hey, did you see what Terry's wearing today? And he's like, yeah, and he's like, the legs on her. And he goes, oh my gosh. And he's like, you better flunk her so she can stay here in extra year. And he's like, you better be careful saying that although he's gonna get fired. He goes, that's okay, I hate this job. This is definitely the 80s. (laughing) - That's okay, they can fire me. What if, you know, I got held back two years 'cause I was so hot back in high school. That was my problem. - Yeah. - They said that he better flunk Brad 'cause he is hot. And I was like, okay, I guess I'll stay back again. You can look at me. In your way, I just use the same papers every year. - Could you imagine? - That way is my choice. - Yeah, could y'all imagine if, think about if we had chat GPT when we were in high school. I'd be valedictorian, bro. What about you, Jonathan? You're awfully quiet right now. - I'm not quiet. I've been talking about one minute ago, I was scared to be hurting. (laughing) - So she shaves her hair, cuts her hair. - Yeah. - I'm glad the movie addresses this because she looked almost like Ralph Machio's twin. I mean, she was karate kid in this big time. She... - I mean, Johnny's still in there. He's still a bully. - That's what I'm saying. That's what threw me off. Like, this is in the world where karate kid exists because I think there was somebody that said, "It's the karate kid." - Yeah. - They brought up the karate kid. - Yeah. - He looks like the karate kid. So where do they outcome? Nobody says that. Hold on, what's this character's name? If Jesse looks like the karate kid, why does nobody say that Greg looks like, what's the name, Billy? - Yeah, yeah. - Like, or no, is it Billy? Is that the bad guy in karate kid? - No, Johnny is the bad guy in karate kid. - Yeah. - Why does nobody say Greg looks like Johnny? - That's a pretty quiet. They shouldn't have real with it. They didn't. They didn't have opportunity. - Oh, that would have been so funny if they'd have said, you know, come and think of it, you don't let that Johnny guy from karate kid. - Right. He'd be like, "Oh, I wouldn't do that. "I was in the home, I'm going to karate, "I'm karate for losers." - He could have said something like, that would have been a funny line. They missed that opportunity big time. - They did. - Yeah. - He's too busy bowling high school kids now. - What was the point of him bullying, Jacob? What, I don't understand, like, all he did was want to bully. It's like he woke up and he goes, "I got a bully today, I got a bully." Like, I don't understand his drive. - It's almost like he woke up, watched Roadhouse before going to school, just to pump himself up to bully some kids. 'Cause other than that, he had no purpose in that movie whatsoever, was just to bully kids. - You're right. He had zero purpose in this movie. He was just a bully. I think what they said to him, a Williams advocate, we need you to be Johnny in this movie. So we know you just film Karate Kid, but we want you to be Johnny. And be the guy that looks like Ralph Machia. - Although his character did present that moment for her friend that she, or when she was the guy, the friend that he made to make him not so nerdy and cool. He had that big moment where he let Johnny have it. And it was like. Don't you think this would've been better if we'd have seen Terry beat him up as a dude? - It would've been. - It would've been. - Oh my gosh. - And then we'll later find out that she's really a girl. - Yeah. - Oh, could he ever come back from that? Do you think he's coming, Jonathan, is he coming back from that? - I don't know, but that's a pretty solid twist that you throw in there, that she whips him. And then, like, do they reveal it? Like, the end of the movie that it's a girl? Oh yeah, that was cool. - Yeah, 'cause she beats him up. And she goes, "You got beat by a girl." And he's like, "You're not a girl." And then she said, "Yes, I am." And she does what she did in the movie for him, like, right. - I mean, that's my hard win, but a little bit different. - There could be a sequel, just one of the guys, too, where Johnny and the nerdy guy fight for Terry. - Hey, you got something there? - I think she's like, "Who am I gonna?" It's just the whole conceit of this. Like, I kept thinking, like, what are her grades like at her other school where she can disenroll and then enroll into a new school without a parent's signature? And two, like, this is her senior year. Does she want to spend it as a dude, like, not with her friends? - I mean, she did invite her best friend to the prom. She forced her best friend to go with her to the prom. - Well, that's because the girl from Twin Peaks was trying to date her the whole time. - She was. - Oh, that girl was hot for Terry, man. She was like, "So, when she pulled the sock out?" - Okay, no world does that whole scene ever happen, where she pulls the sock out and is like, "Oh, you don't have to impress me. Don't worry about it. It's okay. It can't be that bad." It's just like, "You don't even know." - Yeah. - Oh, Gary's gone. - It could be. (laughs) - Jonathan, there's a scene in this movie. Jacob described that scene for Jonathan when she sticks the sock in front of her bra. It was pretty fun. - Yeah, so the guy that she's became friends with or they think they're best pals, she's trying to get them hooked up with the date. And the girl that's trying to go after her is like, "Hey, I got someone for him. Let's go on this double date to the beach." And then she kind of shoes them out so they're alone. And she starts trying to make her moves and goes places with their hands. So it's a safe way to put that. And out comes the sock. And she plays it off like there's no big deal. She's just like, "Hey, it's all right. It's okay." - What? - Y'all, they don't forget. - Well, no, tell him about the brother when he sees the sock at the beginning when she becomes a dude. - Oh man, the one-liners. - The one-liners. - Listen to this one, Jonathan, this is funny. Listeners, you'll like it. - So she pulls the, she stuffs the sock. He gets intrigued, looks and he's like, "I should start doing that." (laughing) It's like she's got more of a bitch in it. - I never thought the stick of sock in there as a kid. Like, I never thought that. Maybe I should have done that move and tried that. I don't know, but all I could think of is if I'm a dude, Terry's getting chicks more than what I got in high school. Like, I never had girls attracted to me in high school. Terry looks like an effeminate Ralph Machio. - Yeah. - Like an effeminate. - Yeah, I'm looking at it out now. Yes, sir, correct. - What, like an effeminate Ralph Machio? - Yeah. - Yeah, she does. She dresses like Ralph Machio. She moves like Ralph Machio. And this girl is into her, like, white on rice, man. I don't get it. - So once she brings her the best gift anybody could ever ask for is a pair of kissing fish. 'Cause that's what you've got people to eat. - Okay. - I was, what'd you say, Jonathan? - So I Googled Terry, just one of the guys. And I was looking on Google photo images and swiping and it brought up a picture of Ralph Machio under an article of 18 surprising facts about just one of the guys. - Man, this guy, Terry, was based on Ralph Machio. - Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm saying. The karate kid exists in this world, but Johnny doesn't. So it makes it weird to me. Like, he's the arch nemesis of Daniel's son. - Right, to your point, you think they would have referenced that in some way, somehow, having them in that movie. - Oh, yeah. They would have been like, come to think of it. You're like Johnny. And he'd be like, nah, man. That's all they'd had to say to make it funny. And then he gets whipped at the end, karate kid's style. - Yeah, exactly. Or when he's balling those kids in the lunch room, you just have someone in the middle of the crowd just be like, sweep the leg, Johnny. - Oh, that would have been hilarious. - It was amazing. - Sweep the leg, Johnny. Sweep, Terry's like, I don't think Terry ever gets punched, right? Like, I don't think they wanted the girl to get hit. - No. - No, they never-- - There wasn't any physical assault on Terry. You know, I do like when her brother drops the transvestite where he's like, you all, you transvestite, you're all the same. - I mean, the brother of this movie is a whole new level and could have been a movie in himself. But like, the one line that came from that kid, like when she's like, towards the beginning, when she's like, man, I really wish sometimes I'd be a man. And he would, you don't want me to say, no, you don't. - Yes, like, no. You don't want to be a man, trust me. - He's in prison now, right? He's got to be. Like, he was cancer. - You would think so. - He played Harvey Weinstein. - He played Harvey too well. - Yeah, he, Jonathan, he's definitely Harvey Weinstein at this point 'cause he was very aggressive with the lady. Like, he did not care. This is a fairly friendly show, so we can't really go into detail. But it was pretty bad. Like, he made the movie, though, without him. This is a terrible movie. - 100%. I hate to interrupt what you're doing now, but something very important I need to let you know about. When you purchase serious coffee beans, we want you to try to enjoy each brew for two reasons. Number one, because you're a part of something bigger, making a positive impact around the world. And number two, 'cause we did not compromise on the quality of coffee, you're drinking some of the best coffee in the world. 100% of profits are donated to nonprofits that are fighting injustice facing humans around the world, while it's powerful. Generous is best known for especially coffee, but the heartbeat of generous is their hope to use for profit business for good. In 2024, generous is hoping to provide coffee to churches around the US to spread a message within congregations that churches care about people even down to the coffee they are serving and the people they enjoy. I apologize for that extremely long run-on sentence. If you have interest in hearing more about generous coffee, please reach out to their founder, Ben Higgins, at binhiggins@geniusmovement.com. Thank you and back to our scheduled podcast. - Okay, I know I just interrupted a great conversation, but my name is Brad and you may be listening to me or any of the other talent we have on this network at HopeCast. We want to thank you for listening, but also we want you to like and subscribe to the show you're listening to. So when you're done listening, go on the iTunes or the Spotify and leave a great review if you like it and follow the show on Instagram and any other platforms that it's on. I think we're on TikTok, so follow us on TikTok. But make sure you leave us a review. We love good reviews here at the HopeCast Network. Now, I guess I'll let you get back to your show. (upbeat music) - Like he makes it 'cause you're like, okay, 'cause he's trying to teach Terry how to be a guy, but she's learning from the worst. Like she's learning how to be a guy from the worst. (laughs) But there's so many holes. Like I just don't understand how she got into school and how she got to do all that. How did that work? 'Cause I would have done that move. I hated high school. I would have went to a different one. Would you have wanted to go to Austin where Angelos was running the halls? - Angelos from Carrie too. - Man, they had probably, I don't know. Nah, I would have probably went to where Terry goes and that weird dude, Johnny, I guess. I mean, I just like, we needed to see the scene where they're like, where did Terry go? She doesn't come here anymore? 'Cause I think she had to be one of the most popular girls in school. - Exactly. We're like, well, what are all for friends? All the people in New Jersey just up and disappeared for two weeks. No missing, search parties, no. - Jacob, Jonathan, there's a perfect scene they left. They should have put in this movie. Should have been like the parents, like cut to the parents' own vacation and they buy a carton of milk. And all the back is Terry. Like where is Terry missing since? That would have been hilarious. - It would have been, it would have been. - I think we, us three right here, could have written just one of the guys a little bit better, I think. I think we could have made it a little bit better. - We could have filled some holes. There was some holes. - You had to jump on the karate kid meta universe that you're in here, because you're definitely in it. - I wonder if we can, it's like a movie studio that's in like the production phase of a movie to let us get a run at the script, here on Movie Torture, to give our suggestions. - You know, I think our suggestions have been really good in the past. Like we fix movies, we could almost call this podcast the repair, the repair kit. Repair kit. - We'll repair your script. - Podcast, movie repair team. How do you? - Yeah, we should do this. - We're a literal geek squad. (laughing) - For movies. - So, Jacob's at your door, he's like, I'm here to fix just one of the guys. I heard you wrote it. We need some more meta universe here, and put Terry on a milk carton, and let's have Terry beat Johnny up at the end. Like all that makes this movie even funnier though. Like you cannot take this movie seriously. - No, not at all. - Now give Terry a lot of props, because the hair she had in the beginning was a wig. She cut her hair short for this movie while dating Bruce Springsteen. That was her boyfriend. You noticed the Springsteen poster in her bedroom. - Yes. - So she was dating Bruce Springsteen. Who, are you all Springsteen guys? I'm not a Springsteen guy, man. - No, never been digging. - Me either. Jonathan, are you a Springsteen guy? - No, not at all. - You all two could come to me and be like, I got tickets to Springsteen. I'm billing you, I'm good, man. I'd rather sit and record movie torture. - That's right. - He's just, I don't know what it is about him. He's never, he's got a few good songs I like. He goes-- - I can't name him right now, but I like him. (humming) - What's that song I'm thinking of? - No idea. - Oh, you know this song. - What's your name? - Really? - Yeah. - I'm only 37, dude. - You, okay, wait. Jonathan, you like streets of Philadelphia. - Oh, no, I couldn't. Hearing the name, I can't tell you what that is. You don't remember this? - I don't feel like I've heard the song of my life. - Yeah, either, dude. - It was, he wrote that, I know this much about it. He wrote that song for the movie Philadelphia, where Tom Hanks plays a guy dying of AIDS. - Yeah. - My favorite Bruce Willis song is Born or Run. That's it. ♪ Maybe I was born to run ♪ ♪ To run, to run, to run, to run, to run ♪ That's what I like right there. There's my singing. Movie Torture Dad's probably dying right now, listening to that. Okay, so let's get back to this, because there's a dilemma in this movie that I gotta be honest, it's hard to get by. Let's imagine, Jacob, I met you about a month ago. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, a month ago. Jonathan, I'm known you for over a decade. Let's imagine, Jonathan, that you pretended to be a girl. No, no, no, you were a guy. No, you were a girl, and pretended to be a guy, to be my friend. And we hang out, we do guy things. We fart around each other, we talk about chicks, we talk about movies, I enjoy your butt. And then you kiss me. Wow, wow, dress like Jonathan. And you tell me you're in love with me. I feel like I couldn't get past, even if you took your wig off and you, I was like, wow, you're a really attractive lady. I don't feel like I could get past seeing you as a dude. - I'm trying to think of like a woman to compare it to, like if I'm asked right now and I was like, "Shan, if you were like from American Pie." - I don't think I could, man. - That would be weird. - 'Cause we were doing dude things together. Like we were like playing hoops and I was ripping fart. You were pulling my finger, like we were doing, we were like, we were just having good times. And then you just start kissing me out of nowhere, in your dude suit. - I'll be honest with you, I'm extremely uncomfortable by this conversation. We gotta put all of that in your kisses. - I just like how I made you the girl I did. But you see what, that's the problem with this movie, John, is like, they end up together at the end. But we see them for an hour and 10 minutes to be like bros. - Best bros, yeah. - Best bros. - Hey, I just, I feel like it's hard, it's hard for me to, I don't like, if Kristen did that to me, I don't think I could fall in love with her. I'm like, you lied to me, I thought you were a dude. - It's a whole different dynamic, right? It ruins everything. - It just ruins it, man, like, he does call her, I don't know, he says, "You lied to me, "how could I ever believe you?" - But I mean, he's a dude, so he's looking around. - And the late, eight hours later, he's like, "All right, I'm over it, let's play." (both laugh) - He saw pictures of Terry with long hair. He's like, "Okay, I think I can make this happen." And he finds out she has rosacea, and he's like, "Oh my gosh, your hair's never growing back." - Well, yeah, even in that scene where he-- - Where the-- - Well, a piece of no rosacea. - Where he figures, you know, he figures all it out, and he's like, she's like, "I'm a girl," and he's like, "No, you're not, I don't believe you." And he's like, "Prove it." - That's a risky gambit, though. - It is. - You don't know how they're gonna prove it. - And then one of the best lines in the movie after that is, are those what I think they are? - No, dude, they're not. - Nope, but when you're asking her to prove it, that's a-- 'Cause if she's really a dude, she's about to do some flashing. - Yeah. - It was something, you're just gonna be scarred. - You have a little more than you bargained for it. - Yeah, you're getting way more. He hit the jackpot, really. I mean, she could've looked a lot worse. But I mean, the whole movie, nobody assumed that she was gay. Like, I would've assumed that, honestly. But I guess they couldn't say that back then. - What are they saying? So you saying that this movie-- - Well, the movie is presuming too, like not one person in this entire movie, even like, remotely questioned if she was a girl. - Which, I don't understand that, do you, Jacob? - No. - 'Cause she looked like a girl. Like, I don't feel like she pulled off, dude. Like, she should've put a mustache on. That would've helped, like a fake stash. And then you got the scene where the stash starts to heat off. You know, she's like freaking out, trying to make sure it's there. Like, none of that, we needed her face looked too soft in this movie. Like, she needed to look like a dude. We needed a five o'clock shadow. - Are you guys wrong with them? Put, like, the twist in the movie, you have that one person who's like, no, that's a girl, and she's trying to, like, figure out how the dog's this person from bolder covered. - Oh my gosh, that's what we need. We needed one person investigating her. Like, an actual news reporter who heard, oh my gosh, Jonathan, did you ever see never been kissed before? Jacob, you seen this movie? - Yes. - You've never been kissed. - I'm not sure, yeah. - Drew Barrett, you gotta have Josie Grossie at this high school, investigating her undercover going, I feel like, like, she's heard that there's a girl imitating a guy, so she's there. This would have been the best movie. We've got some- - And they, and then she ends up going to, like, she figured out she was actually at this other school, finds all these pictures. Like, you could just run with it. - Yeah, oh my gosh, we needed that character. Wanted to set up the worst characters, Johnny. You know? - Yes. - But he has not developed at all. Like, you almost needed that scene at the end. When you needed that scene where, oh gosh, this is it. Listen, where Johnny is fighting, is talking hateful to her, and that as Terry the dude, and Johnny is repressed, and he kisses her as the dude. And then she's like, I'm a girl and she kicks his butt. - Right. - And that's the way he goes out. And he's like, and next thing you know, they're like making fun of him back 80 style. - He's like, I knew she was a girl, I knew it. - No, you didn't. (laughing) That would have been way more funny. - His whole life just exposed to that one moment. - If we needed that, there were no stakes in this movie. - There was not. - There just dresses a dude that look like a cross dresser. She'll like a chick dresses a dude. - And like you said, without the brother in the movie, there's no one giving her a hard time about it whatsoever. Like, it's only the brother that gives her those hard time about being this dude and trying to play this character. - Yeah. - She's like, she does that line. But one of my favorite lines from him is when she was like, she's depressed about it or whatever it may be, she's like, I'm just so confused. And he goes, well, of course you're confused. Where am I underwear? (laughing) - What girl would wear her brother's? I mean, I would- - That's commitment. - That's connected right there, man. Like, there's some method actors, but I don't think I'd go that far. I just got a Walmart, buy me a pack, man. Just buy a pack and you don't even need to wear a man's underwear. You can just go, okay, good this movie. How would this movie be made today? That's the real question. - I don't think it can be. - You don't think so? Oh, that she would be, she would be a they/them. - Yup. - And she would constantly go around with her pronouns. She'd have to really be pronoun queen. - And just lose it when someone uses the wrong one. - Oh yeah, she'd have to pierce her like nose, like right in the middle right there, the septum piercing. - She would have to be the Johnny. - Yeah, she'd have to be the Johnny. - Yeah. - Johnny would be the one you feel sorry for in this movie. - Right. - Johnny would be the, hi ma'am, what Tuesday? (laughing) - That would've been good if she'd become a bully to other people. - She's like bullying as a dude. Oh my gosh. We have just thought of at least four ways this movie could've been a little better. - Well, if you think of it, like I was thinking of that too, it's like, how could you redo that movie? You couldn't reverse this role. It couldn't be a man trying to be a woman in a scenario. Now you're just filming a documentary of why the guy that goes to prison. (laughing) That's how the movie ends. (laughing) - I feel like we're living this movie on a daily basis, honestly, 'cause I mean, there's so many people, I'm like, I don't even know they're actually a girl if they're a guy, like, I can't even tell anymore. It's like, oh my gosh. - First-name basis. - Yeah, and even there you can't always figure it out. I mean, it's like, we just live in this world. I mean, but this would not work. And she lived in a town of Dummies because nobody assumed she was a guy, a girl. But anybody with a functioning brain watching this can tell she was a girl. Like, you know what you need? Also, you need the Ralph Machio cameo in this movie where she passes him going down the street. He just walks by and does a double take, like, what? Like, you know, you need that, right? You gotta have that kind of... - Well, Brad, on this, too, think about this. How does she get away with almost burning the school down? - And it's not because she was a girl, 'cause it's not she was a girl. - No, 'cause she didn't wanna change, so she tries to let the school fire. - Oh, that was funny. - Okay, so Jonathan, there's a scene where she has to change and then the shirts and skins, and she, like, fakes a stomach ache. Remember that? She's like, "Oh, my gosh, my--" "Oh!" And then finally, she's like, "I'm gonna rip a big one!" Like, everybody's like, "Oh, my gosh, this girl's gross." They should have made this more comical and far-fetched. Even more, like, don't even take it seriously. Movie torture needs to ride a new one of these. - Yeah. - Just one of the guys, but it needs to be so outlandish and stupid that it's not believable but funny, because, oh, and he calls her the, he calls her the, this is another thing, Jonathan. You think the coach, I was getting my coaches mixed up. The coach in the Rage carry two, Jacob, you watched the movie, you seen it, right? - Mm-hmm. - He, he, he tells the guy he's gotta drop their pants in the movie, and Jonathan brought up, he would be canceled today. I do remember the P.E. teacher calls her the P-word. - He does, yes. Yes. (laughs) Once he's faking her stomach ache. - Yeah. And she said it's gonna be a few weeks before it, or something like that. - Yeah. - No way he gets away, he loses his job, he needs it. - Insulin, right. - Instantly, he might as well clean up the gym's socks and walk out, right? I mean, there's no- - Not only your, you lose your job, you're getting internet famous for the wrong reason. Oh my gosh, can you imagine? Like, the 80s were just a different time. Like, I- - What? - Other thing, things like that could just, could just happen, I guess. I don't know, but that was, I can't imagine a teacher ever speaking to anyone that way. I would be mad too, if I was her parents, wherever they're at. Traveling, did it say where they were traveling to? - I don't think it ever did. - I don't think they exist. Okay, you ready for some reviews? Anything else we got to add on this movie? Ouch. - I think that's, we, I think we covered, pretty much something to saw this movie. - Let's do some Amazon Five Stars here. This is from Speed Reader, 2022, Jacob. I say this a lot on here. I don't understand the people that go on a review, 40 year old movies, like recently. Like, I've never had the urge to go on and review a movie, just watching it. - Right. - Just one of the guys is partly a cookie cutter 80 scene comedy, but it does deviate from being completely cookie cutter. The story does not start. It actually starts out with a theme of sexism as a journalist. This guy gave it Five Stars nonetheless. I remember the tail end of the era. Loving sloths, and they love all of us on here then. From 2023, this is a recent one. I love the light way they revealed a time when it was difficult for a woman to break into the men's work field. My older sister was for women's lib. First, she drove a cement mixer and was doing the job faster. I love how this lady's writing her sister's biography. Cleaner and better than the men, so the men complained so much they got her pulled off the road. She tried to become a police officer, but she was five nine. You had to be five ten. Gosh, she even worked at an auto parts store. My sister was my hero. Great job for the ride. I would say your sister's in the girls. She's in every guy job. I don't understand that. Do you job them? Like, I don't get it. Oh, yeah. I want to interview her sister at this point. We need to... A classic which flew under the radar, Rudy C said. This was March 23rd, 2024. This is when she wrote this. This is a great college comedy. My rule of thumb is watch any movie you enjoy, but collect the movies you love. This movie's about to be the new advocate for 2024 enough. Oh my gosh. This is so ridiculous. Yeah, Jonathan, you didn't watch this movie, so I can't even ask you this. Does it sound like it would be movie torture or movie gold to you, Jonathan? It sounds like it might be one that I would watch. You need to watch it. It's free on TV. Watch it and report back. Jacob, movie torture or movie gold. I wouldn't want to say movie torture, but I think the brother saves it. So I do have to go with movie gold. He keeps it entertaining. I'm with you. I'm gonna give this movie movie gold and here's why. It's dumb, it needs a lot of work, but we had HBO as a kid. And I would see how many times this movie was on and I would set my schedule to watching it. Because as a 12 year old, it's a movie, it's amazing. I mean, simply amazing, it was. So for bad reasons that I don't condone at all, but as 12 year old kid, just one of the guys was not R-rated. So this was fair game. I mean, this was the on HBO at like 5.30 in the evening because back in the day, HBO read didn't show R-rated movies until eight o'clock at night. That was the rule. But this was fair game at 5.30 at noon. So I come home in school, catch me a little bit of just one of the guys. - We got to do the beat dial with who they paid off to get the PG-13 rating. - Jacob, will you do some research on that? Like go online and Google, how did this movie get a PG-13? There is no way it deserved it. It deserved a hard R. This would be easy, hard R. Like there's nothing about this movie I would want when I live in year old watching. The fact that I watched it at 12 was crazy. - It was like just a five minute scene of just his bedroom that they don't pan off anything. It's like, what do I mean? - No, like you think you're going to get the blur, like the sponsor blur, right? You know how you get the blur? Like I'm literally watching TV, like a guy's got a paddle. Like he's got like a Nike hat, they're blurring it on reality TV. They do not blur anything in this movie, nothing. You could pause this and you're seeing a whole playboy spread. - That's basically, yeah. - PG-13, like that must have been the week the blind people reviewed the movie. - That can bet. This movie sounds like-- - Ray Charles worked for the MPAA at that point. He was like, he was like-- - I see nothing wrong with this movie. (laughing) - He's like, what was his big hit song? Ray Charles, what did he sing? I don't know, he's giving us the rap. He's starting. See, Jake, he's in 9.30 there. - It's understandable. It's understandable. It's like 30 years. Me and you and you, yeah. - Hey. - For our new cast member, Jacob, thank you. We want you to come back. We hope you want to be a part of our cast. - Hey, I enjoyed it. I would love to be back. It was a lot of fun. - Good, we're gonna have you, Jonathan. Go eat you something, man. My name is Brad. We'll catch you next time on "Movie Torture." - Later, guys. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)
