Amala Ekpunobi

This Viral Dating Story is Dividing Men & Women on the Internet

A woman’s dating story of giving her boyfriend what she thought was a compliment is going insanely viral on the Internet. Most women are siding with her, while the fellas seem to sympathize with her boyfriend. Who’s really in the right? Let’s talk about it.

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Duration:: 11m
Broadcast on:: 13 Aug 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

I think I destroyed my relationship trying to compliment my boyfriend. A woman has gone viral and sparked a gendered debate on the internet that is now being seen by millions of people all because she wrote a story on Reddit about complimenting her boyfriend. Except her boyfriend took this compliment the wrong way and now she feels as though it's ruined their relationship. Men are agreeing with the boyfriend, defending his response. Women are saying he should have taken the compliment. Let's talk about it. Before we get into today's video, please like and subscribe. Most importantly, you're going to have to comment your thoughts on this story we're about to read off Reddit. It's been posted on multiple social media platforms and it's now going viral as men and women tend to have seemingly different responses to what's gone on within this relationship. Without further ado, let's read the post and see what we find. My boyfriend and I are both 28 years old and together for two and a half years. Yesterday night, we were drinking and one thing led to another and I tried to compliment him by saying he is not someone I would hook up with or be friends with benefits with but Mary. I thought everything was fine but he seemed extremely distraught after that. I realized how he understood it and tried to clarify it but he is still the same this morning. He told me he needs space to think for a while and left the house. All my friends tell me I messed it up and guys tell me it's not a compliment and most men will understand it differently. I think I destroyed our relationship and I am panicking right now. So there we have it. The supposed compliment that has rocked their relationship. I don't see you with somebody that I would hook up with or be friends with benefits with but I'd like to marry you. Now upon reading this Reddit post, I totally understand the girlfriend and what she was trying to go for but I also understand the boyfriend on the other end. But first let's start with the girl. She sees her boyfriend as a long-term opportunity, a husband. He's husband material. She doesn't want to treat him like a hookup or a friends with benefits situation because she wants more from him and that makes it a compliment. However, if you're a man hearing this, I think many would interpret it as her saying I don't see you as somebody sexy or hot enough to hook up with or have friends with benefits relationship with but you are stable enough and maybe you provide enough for marriage and maybe that's how things got on the wrong foot. I think that's a good baseline but as I said this Reddit post went so viral and so many men and women were responding to it either defending the girlfriend or defending the boyfriend. First let's hear from some of the men who are defending the boyfriend so we can get an understanding as to why men don't view this as a compliment. One man says you know I prefer to hook up with guys who aren't like you yikes. Another says that she's essentially saying you're good enough to marry but not hot enough to sleep with. Yeah, that's demoralizing and in no way a compliment. You're safe but not hot. I'm not sexually attracted to you but I like that you make money that is basically what she said. And a woman actually chimed in to defend the men who are feeling these feelings. She writes one of the biggest problems in gender discourse is that women refuse to accept what men say about the way they think you feel. Men, I would not receive this as a compliment. Women know you're wrong. You should. Also women men are so bad at communicating. And that last one got 18,000 likes. So now we've heard a few viewpoints from the male perspective and I can somewhat understand them but I do have a lot of pushback for them but first let's go back to the Reddit post. These two people are 28 years old and they've been in a relationship for two and a half years. How is it that a simple misunderstanding like this is leading to the downfall of your relationship? I would venture to say and go out on a very strong limb that they have other problems happening within their relationship that is leading to whatever breakdown they are experiencing now. But from the male perspective I guess this compliment was a very huge dig and I'd venture to say it's a dig at the ego. Men want to be the all-encompassing provider for their women. They want to provide money, protection, attraction, all of these different things. And when it's maybe insinuated to them that there are other men that are worthy of a hookup or friends with benefits relationship and they're not, they feel as though they're missing something that those other men have. Even though they maintain a higher status within this woman's life, they are the ones that she's considering to marry. But I guess the way that they're interpreting this is that women want certain men to hook up with and have this fun with and at the end of the day they will settle for something lesser as far as attraction because they have other metrics that they're using to figure out who they want to marry. And men don't want to be on the low scale of attraction. But I do have to ask all the men watching right now think about yourselves. Are there certain women that you place in the category of wanting to hook up with, maybe wanting a situation with, but she would never even think to marry that woman? Is the answer yes? We know the answer is yes. Delight of me. The women that you place in the category of marriage material or girlfriend material are not less attractive or less valuable than the woman you place in the category of being hookups or friends with benefits situations. In fact, the women in the category of marriage and girlfriend have more value, have more to offer alongside their attractiveness. Meanwhile, this boyfriend is taking this as I guess a dig at his attractiveness that his girlfriend has placed him in the husband category rather than the friend with benefits category. And I see a lot of men taking a moral high ground on this issue criticizing the girlfriend knowing damn well, they make the same judgments every single day in looking for a partner. And the fact that she's panicking and writing on Reddit about destroying her relationship and trying to figure out how to remedy the situation shows how much she values her boyfriend. And I can imagine attractiveness is on the list of things she values. And a lot of women are coming at her defense and some are getting it right and some are getting it wrong. Let's read a few replies. This woman gave him the highest compliment. She thinks he's husband material and someone she wants to spend her life with. He threw a fit because he wants to be thought of as a womanizing player, even to his girlfriend of two and a half years. Now she was right in the first half. I think the woman did truly think that she was giving him a compliment by saying that he's husband material. But I don't think the boyfriend wants to be seen as some sort of womanizing player, even though he's in a relationship. I think he wants to be seen as a passionate partner, someone that you could go through that sort of hook up friends with benefits stage with, although maybe they didn't in their relationship. And she wanted more from him. Others are saying that this exchange could have easily been packed away if they had good communication skills. How this exchange goes in a normal, healthy, loving, non BPD relationship girl, you're not someone I would hook up with, but Mary guy. So you wouldn't be interested in hooking up with me if we met in a bar or something. Girl, sorry. No, that that came out wrong. I would immediately be attracted to you. I mean that I couldn't just have you for a single night and never see you again. I want to be with you forever guy. I want to be with you forever too. Propose this soon because it's been two and a half years and they're 28. That is too funny. And I can't help but agree with that last one. This seems like something that would be so easy to clear up if you just sat down for maybe a minute and had a conversation about it. But it seems like that's not what happened. And in referencing the original post, I guess she gave him this compliment, which is now up for debates. Instead of throwing a tantrum and leaving, he maybe could have been like a man and confronted her about it and had a conversation and a feel as though within a minute or two, this would have been hashed out. And even if at the end of the day he viewed this as being an insult, we could agree that maybe we don't say things like this anymore. Or we reword them to make them more comfortable. Refer to your boyfriend as marriage material or your hubby or your husband rather than saying he's not the type of guy that you would hook up with or have a situation with. And I guess with that, I'll give my final thoughts on this first from the male perspective and men, you're going to have to fill me in on this. I am a woman. So I can only just give my analysis based on what I'm reading here and what I'm seeing from you guys. Men wants to be all encompassing. They kind of want to be the beast slash alpha for lack of a better word. I'm not calling you alpha. Okay. They want to be that, but they also want to be the guy that women settle down with and build a family with. And this man feels like he's been robbed of one of those opportunities by being placed only in the category of husband material. But at the same time, I hear a lot of rhetoric from men that if a woman is somebody who's willing to hook up with you or have a friend's with benefits relationship with you, then she's less valuable in the marriage market and in the marriage category. So how exactly do you square that had this girlfriend hooked up with her boyfriend the first day they met and initiated some sort of situationship. Would he still value her in the same way that he does now? Would they've even had a two and a half year relationship from the female perspective? It seems as though men are almost always ready for the sexual element of a relationship whenever it is given to them. So we are often told to hold back on that, especially for men that we value respect and want to see a long term result from. So if she saw a man as marriage material, maybe she was taught that sex should lie on the other end of actually building the relationship and getting this man locked in. Therefore, he would not be in the category of a hookup or a friend's with benefits relationship. But because sex, I guess, is more flippant for men. Maybe he just wants to know that he has access to both worlds with this relationship that he's currently in, even if it didn't start with a friend's with benefits situation or a hookup. Now, for women, I think most of us can agree that it's best to probably not have any men in the category of hooking up or friends with benefits. It's just not a good situation to be in as a woman, even if you're somebody who feels sexually liberated. But if you are going to have men in that category, they are almost certainly not the type of guy that you're going to marry. And it's not because your husband will be missing something that those men have. It's because your husband has way more qualities on top of being somebody that you're attracted to. And that might have been how she should have worded this from the beginning. In fact, I'll go even further. If you're in a relationship, whether you are a male or female, just never mention friends with benefits situations or hooking up with other people ever. I don't know why you would bring that dynamic into your relationship or have anybody on either end of the relationship thinking about which category they fit into. It is almost always an area you don't want to get into, unless asked. And as for the heart of this debate, whether or not this is a compliment or insult, I guess I'm going to say this was a compliment gone wrong, gone very, very wrong. But as I sat out of the gate, this is a weird one. These guys are both grown adults. They've been together for two and a half years. If their relationship cannot recover from this comment, there are probably other things going on. And maybe it doesn't need recovering. You guys got two and a half years under your belt, you should be able to work this out through a little bit of communication. And those are my thoughts. I give your thoughts in the comments down below. I have a feeling this is going to spark a very interesting debate. And I cannot wait to see what each of you have to say. And please let me know your gender when dropping your comments down below because I want to know what the male female split is on this issue. Thank you guys for watching. Please like and subscribe because I want a long term relationship with you. I don't just want a one video stand with you guys and hit the notification bell to be notified every single time I post a video for you guys, which is every day. And I will see you next time. Bye guys.