Do you sometimes feel like you won’t survive the pain of being cheated on? Healing takes more than tactics, it takes a solid strategy. In today’s episode, we will break down the five key steps in the healing process: falling apart, seeking help, prioritizing self-care, moving the body, and connecting with others to nurture a sense of belonging. I'll also open up about my personal experience with infidelity and the challenges I faced in seeking help, emphasizing the relief and growth that came from admitting the truth and asking for support. You'll walk away with tactics that support your healing, including counseling, therapy, and even my 90-day program specifically designed for women recovering from infidelity.
Five Steps to Surviving Infidelity:
- Fall apart: Give yourself permission to feel your feelings
- Get Help! Asking for help is hard, but it’s the most important thing you can do. Learn the difference between strategy and tactics so you can create a healing strategy that works.
- Focus on Taking care of yourself, and refuse to disturb your own peace of mind.
- Move your Body!
- Connect with others! Belonging is a strong human drive. Embrace connection.
Tired of the Heartbreak & Pain? Find Relief Now!
Work individually with Lora or complete her online Affair Recovery course in the privacy of your own home. Learn more at www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com
About Lora
Attorney, speaker and Burnout & Betrayal Recovery Coach, Lora Cheadle believes that betrayal uncovers the truth of what’s possible when we stop focusing on what was done to us and start showing up unapologetically for ourselves. She helps women rebuild their identity and self-worth after infidelity so they can reclaim (or find for the very first time) their confidence, clarity, and connection to source and create their own kind of happily ever after.
Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at
https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT
Untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and own your worth so you can create a future you love on your own terms. All with a wink and a smile! Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social!
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your listening to flaunt find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal a podcast for women who've been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim themselves and their worth tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside no matter what goes on on the outside download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at the trail recovery guide.com to all the women who have cried in the shower smiled when they wanted to scream and couldn't wait to get home and unhook their bra flaunt is the definitive guidebook on how to get back in touch with who you are underneath your labels roles and scripts fall in love with yourself right now breathe life into the dreams you left behind and live each day with uninhibited joy pick up a copy of Laura Cheetles number one best-selling book flaunt drop your cover and reveal your smart sexy and spiritual self wherever books are sold it's available in print digital and audio formats and comes with two downloadable meditations hello and welcome to flaunt find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or a betrayal I'm Laura Cheetle and yes I was cheated on by my partner - and I have created a life that I not only love but a life that I truly adore and wouldn't trade for the world today I want to talk to you about how to survive being cheated on I want to talk about your healing strategy and I want to lay out healing strategy for you right here right now today so you can have a concrete plan that will move you forward so you too can start feeling better fast much faster than without listening to this much faster than without getting help and you can be on the road to creating that positive next chapter in your life before we get into doing that though there are a couple of things that I want to say number one the information contained in this podcast is enormously valuable most listeners say they listen to shows multiple times they'll listen to it like one time maybe like I get it and then they'll be like there was more there and they listen to it again so they can start using the tactics the strategies and they listen and they get more information so follow me follow me subscribe subscribe to the show and then most importantly leave a review you can leave a review on Amazon podcast you can do both the star rating and you can write in a review because the reviews help other listeners know which voices to trust and there's a lot of voices in the infidelity space and what I found when I was going through it is there's a lot of cynics out there and it didn't help it just didn't help yes I needed things to be realistic but I didn't need bitterness I didn't need cynicism I didn't need a bunch of people bringing me down when I was already on the floor it was all I could do to bring myself up I needed some clarity and I needed some support and I needed some positive interaction I didn't need people telling me how much worse it was gonna get so pretty please subscribe and leave a review for this podcast so others can find it and we can share the love number two I would really love it if you reach out it's always fun when people reach out it's always fun when they share their story whether it's hopping on a free zoom call with me I offer everybody a free 1520 minute zoom call whether it's just shooting me an email talk to me share your story let me know what else you need I find guests and I create the show to serve your needs so what are your needs let me know what your needs are and then I can find somebody who can help you address them or I can do a show addressing those needs or I can send you the link to a show that I did do in the past because I've had the show for many years so reach out let me know how I can support you and what you most need so I can serve your needs okay so with that thank you for doing those two things and let's talk about how to survive being cheated on your healing strategy now I've got five steps to do this and before we get into that I want to acknowledge how painful it is for you to be going through this I know for me it was the most painful thing that has ever happened to me because it's not just one moment of shock that then goes away learning that my husband had cheated on me for 15 years with five different women disrupted my entire view of my marriage my kids childhood all of our vacations and anniversaries it disrupted my view of who I was if I was attractive if I was worthy if I was good enough I worried about what other people would think it disrupted everything it's not just like whoa I had this horrible shock and then I got over it you don't just get over infidelity anybody who tells you to just get over it doesn't get it because infidelity is not something you just get over infidelity is something that impacts you on every single level body mind spirit it disrupts your past it disrupts your present it disrupts your future it is huge and what I'm saying you're not going to just get over and I'm not saying you're never going to heal you absolutely will heal if you do these steps but what I am saying it's not something you can just be like breathe in breathe out and let it go yay it's all good it's not that easy it is too impactful so however you feel now whether it's very early or it happened years ago I want to honor you you've been holding on to a lot a lot and this is not easy and it is not fun and you don't have to feel broken forever here is how you survive number one the very first thing you need to do if you are going to survive being cheated on if you're going to survive your partners affair is to fall apart and that might not be what you expected me to say but the very first thing to do is to fall apart and to feel your pain you've got to feel it to heal it and here's what I want to say I don't get very religious on us often because I tend to be very more spiritual than traditionally religious but I want you to think about the journey of Jesus whether you believe it literally or figuratively think about what that journey was and how we memorialize that journey how we talk about the journey of the crucifixion we don't just say oh get over it he rose three days later and it's super awesome just ignore the whole crucifixion thing because good things happen you can't ignore the journey you can't ignore the bad yay we had a resurrection woohoo all good doesn't negate the fact that there was a freaking crucifixion and that's a really bad thing again whether you believe it literally or symbolically I don't care I'm just telling you this in terms of like allegory and story any story that's out there any journey in history when it turns out okay we don't just wipe it away we don't say oh yay the Holocaust is over we don't talk about it again we don't say oh yay the Challenger space shuttle you know it exploded but we've had many successful things it's all fine just ignore it we don't ignore the bad stuff it's not healthy to ignore the bad stuff we need to grieve the bad stuff we need to process we need to memorialize it we need to talk about it we need to talk about how hideous it was about how horrendous it was we need to feel all of our feelings what you don't want is to get locked in those feelings you don't want to stay stuck in those feelings guess how people tend to get locked into feelings because they've ignored them when you cover up the feelings that pretend that they don't exist and when you try to bypass over it be like but it was all good resurrection it's all good that's when you get trapped in your feelings so grieve them cry scream run push really heavy weights right nasty vile letters and burn them call people cry tell photos if you still have photos do all of the things go to a thrift store and buy some things to smash and break wear goggles please but do all the things that you need to do to get those feelings out and to feel them fully rage feel those feelings now I just recently did a couple of shows on anger it's not about attacking other people it's not about calling your partner and screaming at them it's not about going over to the affair partner's house and slashing tires and breaking windows it's about you releasing the energy that is that anger in a way that doesn't impact others but that it gets it out of your body and you know what for you what might not be anger it might be grief it might be collapse it might be crumpled in doesn't matter that is step number one feel whatever it is you're feeling and you know what you're gonna feel crazy I just want to name that you are going to feel crazy you're supposed to feel crazy nobody can have their entire life and identity turned upside down and they don't feel crazy again going back to my whole story of the crucifixion and the resurrection we don't go oh yeah that was really bizarre we have to acknowledge it we have to feel it and if you're going through a bad time you're going to feel crazy and you're gonna question your reality question away let it out and fall apart the other reason people didn't get stuck in those bad feelings is first by covering them up and pretending that they don't exist but the second reason is because they don't get help and that is step number two get help I'm standing I'm climbing up on a soapbox go get help I'm climbing to the top of the mountain and I'm calling out go get help go get help let me tell you a little story the story is why getting help was the hardest thing Laura ever did why getting help is the hardest thing you were going to do and if you've got a partner who's like yeah I'm not getting help or I don't want to do this have them listen to this part of the show because it's going to reframe their understanding on getting help so this story is for me this story is for you and this story is for your partner I feel like I am the kind of person who always really tried hard in life you might know I practiced law for 10 years then I quit work I stayed home with my kids so my husband could really lean full force into his career and because wellness was a big thing for me I started a part-time wellness coaching practice I did yoga I did personal training I taught fitness class I did energy work and I did intuitive readings for people and it was an amazing part-time mom career and I thought it was really wonderful because it allowed me to explore what I thought was like my greatness I could always work on myself I could always meditate and learn more I could always it was so such develop self-development focused and I'm like this is amazing I'm just getting better and better and I am so good and it's not that I was an ecotistical crazy person but it really allowed me to lean into that illusion of perfection I was always working out so yay my body was pretty good I was doing health things so yay I was very self-reflective himself aware I had time to take care of things at home because I wasn't for working full-time yes I was a stressed out mess a lot of the time but again it allowed me to lean into that illusion that yes I can show up for the kids I can volunteer I can do all of these different things and I was proud of myself I was really proud of myself for doing good I was really proud of myself my husband traveled a lot so I felt like I kind of was a single mom in a lot of ways because literally he would travel like two weeks out of every month so I worked hard but I was really proud of me I was really proud of the way that I pulled everything together and I was proud of him because his career could flourish and we could do all these great things so fast forward to finding out about his infidelity I found out after 23 years of marriage that he had cheated for 15 years 15 years oh my gosh what are people gonna think again not in a crazy egotistical way but holy cow people think we're a pull together family people think we're normal people are always telling me oh you're such a good mom and you're so sweet and your body is so great and you and your husband are so fun and I bet you have a great life and I thought we did I thought we did I thought we were great friends I thought we had a ton in common we did great vacations we did great family activities like this totally breaks my view of my family this breaks my view of myself this breaks my view of our entire experience and in my mind crazy people on Jerry Springer had affairs in my mind affairs were like trashy people following people around you know putting having private investigators and then screaming and getting on reality TV and you know what I'm saying like the total trashy image of what it meant when somebody cheated or this is another one too that like the woman is totally obsessed with the kids and she's totally lost touch with her body and she doesn't do anything her poor husband just serves them all the time and she never pays him any attention and the poor guy or she nags him all the time nobody gets damned her how could he live with her of course he had to cheat like all of these images in my head all of these narratives about what it meant in particular what it meant about me and my family if suddenly my partner had an affair and I was like oh my lord I can't get help I can't talk to anybody about this because it's ridiculous because nobody will believe me because I don't want to be the psycho crazy person why would I get help nobody can help me I'm smart I can figure this out my situation must be an anomaly what's going on with me has to be different than everybody else that was my mindset let me tell you it's not an anomaly let me tell you 99% of the women that I work with feel that same way are very similar they're like how could this happen in my life I'm not the kind of person that ever thought this would have happened in my life it's like yeah you know what they all say to I never thought my husband was the type nope that's the thing that's the thing that's why it's a betrayal because you don't see it coming and because it doesn't make sense and because that energy is not in your life and in your marriage that's why it's a betrayal otherwise you're not blindsided otherwise you're like yeah but could have seen it coming a mile away we were unhappy he was checking out other women that's why it's a betrayal so I didn't want to get help because I thought my situation was very unique and then here's the other reason and this is what I want you and your partner to hear to big goal before I say this big old goal once you seek help it means you're admitting to something which means you're making it real which means you can't pretend it doesn't exist anymore whoa did you feel that did you hear that once you call someone once you email someone once you set up an appointment what you have done is you have just admitted something that you don't want to admit you have brought it out into the light and been like bam here it is I haven't wanted to admit to it because if I admit to it it means it's real and then I have to figure it out I can't ignore it I can't cover it up I can't pretend it doesn't exist oh I'm not ready for that I'm not ready for that whether it's domestic violence whether it's alcoholism gambling addiction porn addiction any of these things sexual assault sexual abuse once we admit that it's there which is the scariest thing in the world it gets better it doesn't feel like it right away because we're not typically prepared we don't usually just go running and be like let me admit all of this to you we usually have that panic reaction that I have to cover I have to armor up I have to hide we've got a barrier deeper it's not gonna get out of the box not gonna talk about this one too many feelings too much pain and I don't know what to do about it what I want to promise you is this a if you admit it to somebody it takes a huge huge burden off your shoulders huge because you're not holding the secret you're not pressing the lid down trying to contain something that shouldn't be contained and also it's really not even your secret in a lot of ways you were victimized but yeah people who are victimized don't want to talk about it because there's this thing called victim blaming and worse we victim blame ourselves so well like I said a when you admit it it takes this huge weight off your shoulders it feels threatening you will have a resistance you will have resistance but then once you speak those words you feel this enormous relief followed by this oh poop response of now I have to do something and I don't know what to do and what I want to say to you is you don't have to know you don't have to know what are the things that I do in my coaching program and I'm gonna walk you through that today so you get a huge bonus here my rise and rain coaching program is six months why is it six months because it takes time for you to learn what to do develop the skills and strategies but to assimilate it inside that's the biggest piece is to assimilate inside okay this is what I need to do most people can't just fall out of love in an instant they can't just disrupt their entire life and make a decision in an instant we fall in love over time we fall out of love over time we have to whether it's moving or getting a job or having kids or we have to move into things gently we don't want to give ourselves whiplash I've been like and whoa I was totally in love and I was in a connected partnership on Monday and then on Tuesday it's all different and I'm out of here it takes time it takes time for the reality of our situation to catch up and you do not need to decide anything right now that's why I do this over six months we talk about everything over six months and you start assimilating pieces and you don't have to do that part in a linear fashion either like if you were the betraying partner and you're listening to this you might be like I don't even know I have to make amends I have to deal with my own stress and anxiety and getting rid of this affair fog and maybe cutting things off with the affair partner I have to clean up damage with my kids making amends with my spouse I've got some addiction things going on I think maybe I need to address that I've got some trauma some childhood trauma I've got some poor coping skills I've got self esteem I've got some depression and oh my gosh I'm trying to work at the same time of course that's too much nobody can fix all that in a day in a week in a month give yourself a time can you tackle that in six months that's much more reasonable can you tackle that in a year that's much more reasonable what I like to do in the six months that we are together is get that strategy laid out okay where do we start we might start with the fact that you know what you need to keep your job we might start with the fact that okay no contact with the affair partner you might need to do some work on grieving that loss because that's something that people have to do too then you might have to worry about making some amends with your family then you might have to start facing some of this childhood trauma and figuring out your reasons why then maybe we'll start looking at some of the addiction things not to go down the whole 12-step program yet but just to explore some ideas how does that sound and you work that strategy slowly over time so getting help is threatening and it's terrifying because people incorrectly assume that once they admit it then they're gonna have to do something tomorrow and they're not equipped and they're not prepared and they're not ready okay when you admit it yes it brings them into the light you realize yeah I have to do something but that's the point where you start bringing in what is the strategy so if there is no other takeaway from this show when there's going to be some great golden nuggets but if there's no other takeaway what I want you to focus on is getting help getting help admitting to a qualified person I'm not saying admit it to your neighbor or to your bunko partner admit it to a qualified professional whether you get a consultation with an attorney whether you reach out to a marriage counselor whether you reach out to me is an infidelity and betrayal recovery specialist and coach or if whether you reach out to some other kind of coach or energy worker or whatever it is tell a qualified person tell them whether it's a free 20-minute consultation whether you have an appointment and you dump some stuff just tell somebody that is my number one takeaway number one takeaway tell somebody if you're stuck for a counselor I partner with better help if you go to better help the website and use discount code flaunt flaunt FLA UNT you get a discount I think it's 10% off your first month get help get help and admit it because once you admit it that's when everything changes now as part of getting help I want to talk about the difference between strategy and tactics because they are very different things why does a fair recovery work for some people and it doesn't work for other people two reasons a fair recovery if you're going to build together is a couple takes two people fully committed so it's not gonna work if you only have one person fully committed if you're both waffling and one of you is always strong when the other one is waffling that can work because eventually you can get both people on the same page but if one person is like I'm out they're out and no I don't care how good somebody's promise is you cannot force another person to be in a marriage that they do not want to be in and you cannot make somebody else do something that you want them to do so the reason a fair recovery works is two committed partners don't have to be committed at the same time but you do have to have two people that hold the same vision the second reason that a fair recovery does not work and this is a big one is because people use tactics but not an overall strategy strategy is the map of how you are going to get there what are you gonna do first what are you gonna do second what are you gonna do third what do you need to learn before you get to four what do you need to put together before you get to five it's the strategy of how to do something if you think about a recipe what is the strategy you can't just take all the ingredients dump them in a pan and stick them in the oven you have to measure things out you might have to stir or blend you need to know the temperature you need to know what kind of pan you need to know are you baking are you greasing and flowering something what are you doing strategy is how you put it together you don't take the frosting and do that first and bake the cake around it you have to know the order the order of operations remember remember Mac remember the order of operations you don't just randomly add a couple of different numbers and subtract a few different numbers and then multiply this over here you have the order of operations things that are in parentheses get done first remember that when there's like a whole string of numbers if there's something in a parent thatacle you do that first whether it's multiplying those two numbers or adding those there's an order of operations that gives you the correct result there is an order of operations in a fair recovery that gives you the correct result as well how many people know that probably not many how many people mess it up and then be like this doesn't work probably a lot so aren't you glad you're listening to this show aren't you glad you know the difference okay that is strategy strategy is the order of operations what do you do how long do you do it when do you know what's done and what is the next step the tactic is that thing that you do here's the here's the thing counseling is a tactic therapy is a tactic energy work is a tactic coaching is a tactic 12 step programs are a tactic reading a book is a tactic listening to podcasts is a tactic meditation is a tactic yoga is a tactic hiking together is a tactic couples retreats are tactics those are tactics so many people come to me and they say we've done it all I've read all the books I've read all the podcast we did a couples retreat I did a woman's retreat he's wonderful you're doing tactics but what was your overall strategy why are you doing those tactics in service of what therapy and service of what women's retreats in service of what well step programs in service of what what is the overall strategy because unless you can tell me the strategy behind why you're doing that you're just throwing money away you're just throwing money away women's retreats are great ways for you to find connection to purge your emotion to have better understanding of yourself are those things you need sometimes people are like well sure but what I really needed was to deal that with the trauma okay going to a women's retreat is not going to help you deal with the trauma why do you want to deal with the trauma oh so I can better manage my triggers and I won't be triggered by my husband and then we can have this conversation perfect we need the strategy in order to have the strategy you need to start with the end in mind what is my vision of myself and my marriage what is my partner's vision of himself and the marriage when we come together and this is our vision we want to have fun together we want to continue to raise our kids together and have grandkids together we want to stay working in the same business together we want to be more open with each other we want to have deeper conversations we want to absolutely learn how to communicate better we want to share vulnerabilities we want to spend more quality time we want to understand each others love languages what are all the things that you want to do once you know what it is that you want to do then you reverse engineer what will get you there what will make you a better communicator oh maybe a communications course oh maybe learning amago dialogue oh maybe reading this book or taking some kind of an assessment then you find the tactic that works into your strategy that gives you what you need wonderful if one of your goals in creating this kind of relationship you want is learning how to have better communication now we have a tactic that can help that one of the strategy one of the things that you will probably need in that strategy is how to understand why the affair happened in service of it not happening again unless you understand why the affair happened it's gonna happen again great let's find a tactic that can help us understand why that happened hmm trauma therapy might be really really good for that one does that make sense the strategy are the steps that you take to get to your goal somebody explained it to me in terms of Lego bricks or even regular bricks you could have this huge pile of Lego bricks each little brick is a tactic but unless you have the directions you can't build the Lego Death Star because you're just putting them together in random pieces and sometimes you'll get something that looks sort of like the Lego Death Star but you need the strategy build this first then build that second the same thing like in terms of building a regular house if you're going to build the house you need the blueprint you need the strategy you can't put up electrical first and then do plumbing second and then do the ceiling third and the walls fourth and the floor fifth and then oh wait how are we gonna dig this foundation order of operations you've got to figure out we dig the foundation first we put up little two-by-fours and we frame it next we can put in the plumbing and the electricity while the walls are open strategy and tactics if it is not working for you and if you were frustrated because you've done all the things you probably have done all the things but you were missing the strategy and maybe you use the wrong tactics that will get you there so again I hope you listen to this part I want you to share this part with your betraying partner too because what I know from every single betraying partner is they want to feel better too they don't want to feel shame they don't want to feel pain they want help too but oh my gosh is it terrifying to admit because if they admit if they get help it means they have to admit that they did this that they're still doing this but they're not sure what they want that they are sure what they want but they don't know how to get there and they're embarrassed because men don't ask for directions because they have been acculturated to believe that they should know how to get there nobody knows how to get there asking for directions is hard getting help is hard I know as a former perfectionist who really thought I was doing everything right it was really hard to ask for help in fact let me tell you I reached out to a couple places online and then was like oh not gonna listen unsubscribe because it terrified me and then the day that I had reached out to a couples retreat they said that we were supposed to have a couples call I came a little bit unhinged before the couples call palms were sweating I thought I might vomit I didn't want to admit any of this I didn't even want to sit there on a call with another human being and be like yeah my friend cheated on me and I didn't have any clue I was just in my own happy little la la land that was a bad day that was hard I told this story online to even though after that call I felt much better and they ended up saying why don't you come to this retreat we've got my first reaction was can we just do it privately I would rather pay you more and have a private one-on-one session with you all than to show up at a couples retreat and sit in the room with what I still thought would be all of these trashy losers shows you how little I knew right shows you how little I knew because I still thought I was specialized still thought our situation was different spoiler alert it was not spoiler alert yours is not either so we had a call with them I thought yeah this I think this can help and we signed up for the couples retreat and we packed and we got someone to watch our animals and the kids were away at school everything was taken care of and on the way to the airport I had a complete and total crying meltdown and I almost refused to go I almost refused to go even though we paid we had our plane tickets and we were on our way I almost refused to go and even at the hotel I was like I don't even know if I can walk downstairs and go in the room and my husband's like that's okay you do you but we'll be there you can just turn this into a vacation even if you don't show up and like fine walking into that room was also mortifying mortifying the whole first day was really tough there were many moments where I did relax but there were also many moments where my guard was up so high and that wall was so thick because I didn't want to be there and I didn't want to admit what had happened and my promise to you is that it will only get better once you admit and once you get help sometimes the best thing we can do is truly to lean in to our fears because when we lean out they only get bigger and scarier and if I would have run away from that first phone call I probably wouldn't have reached out again I probably wouldn't have sought coaching I probably wouldn't have sought therapy if I would have turned around and not shown up at that retreat then I would have been mortified that I signed up and didn't show up and then I wouldn't have gotten help and it would have made it worse so I can promise you that when you reach out it will get better it might get better in a different way than you think but getting help will help you and it's hard and I want to validate that it's hard to get help and if that's you if I'm talking to you right now I really do encourage you to reach out to me because I know I'm nice to you because I know that pain and I know that fear and if it's not me reach out to somebody else that you trust and they will be nice to you too but it will get better I can promise you that okay number three focus on taking care of yourself what I tell my clients is what I'm gonna tell you take care of your peace of mind you can't take care of what anybody else does you can't take care of what anybody else feels or believes you can't even necessarily take care of your own happiness and satisfaction in the future right now in this moment but in every single moment you can always take care of your own peace of mind so write that down I take care of my peace of mind and in every single moment take care of your peace of mind and when that becomes your only focus it clarifies things you have felt your pain you've gotten help you understand strategy versus tactics and you're taking care of your peace of mind what will help your peace of mind in this moment will having a boundary make you feel better will reaching out for connection make you feel better well having a glass of wine and sitting on your patio and just breathing for five minutes will make you feel better well running up a hill make you feel better do whatever it is that makes you feel better and when your focus is not on this big glorious self-care but on what can I do right now to take care of my peace of mind things get better quickly number four we're rolling along here number four is move I don't care who you are I don't care how coordinated you are I don't care if you're an athlete I don't care what you are move I don't care if you can't stand up move your arms move your head move your fingers circle your ankles move your body here's something that I want you to do move your body right now if you're driving wiggle your shoulders do something and move your body and just feel the freshness that that brings in we are bodies we are minds and we are spirits when we are in our mind we're usually either on the past he did this to me or in the future what am I gonna do in the future what if he cheats again what happens with this when you're moving your body your body moves in the present move it breathe with it feel it hug yourself touch your legs put on hand lotion scratch tickle run your hands through your hair get into your body and feel your body it makes you a whole being and it makes you in the present and it helps you answer the question what can I do to bring peace of mind right now touch your mind touch your head breathe and move that body we get sick and we get filled with pain when we hold a motion in you do not need to hold a motion in move it breathe it on YouTube I have many somatic processing videos somatics just means embodiment I have got videos on how to move anybody can do it it's intuitive to you we all move differently but it gets us into the present moment because when do we move we move in the present it gets us into our body and it incorporates all the wisdom of the body and it alleviates tension if you think about static electricity and it's building up you're moving that energy you're moving it out of your body I've got a gazillion videos on that my $200 90 day program is called a fair recovery if you go to a fair recovery for women.com it's the first of my three programs after the affair get it right there it's 90 days of meditation of movement and of journaling that program has a guarantee I guarantee you will not have obsessive thoughts if you do everything in that I guarantee you will make better decisions because you will be in your body and in the present moment free stuff on YouTube 200 I think it's 208 dollars something like that online but move your body that is step number four and then the very last step step number five is connect connect with other humans belonging is a human need we don't just want to belong we don't just want to be popular belonging is a human freaking need we need to be a part of a community we need to be a part of a sisterhood we need to connect so if you have a great group utilize them whether it's friends whether it's family whether it's church whether it's pickleball whether it's bunker whether it's a book club connect with people lean in to people I'm not saying you have to share everything that's going on with them but connect to people belonging is an essential human need and finding out that somebody has betrayed you disrupts your sense of connection because the person you thought you were most bonded to boom all of a sudden you find out you're not so reach out and connect with people social media is also a way to connect it's not the absolute best I really think one-on-one is healthier but I also understand when your eyes are swollen because you've been crying for six months and you've either gained or lost weight and you don't feel pretty at all sometimes the idea of being like yeah I'm gonna get dressed and go to a book club feels overwhelming there's book clubs online book clubs online there are quilting things online there are all sorts of things online my Facebook group is a great place to connect I am starting I'm so proud of me I am starting a monthly meet-up connect on the 13th of every month we're gonna get together we're gonna connect we're gonna do a workshop I'm gonna have guest experts it's gonna be a great place for connection so if you have nothing else show up there even if you have a lot else show up there but I still want to encourage you to find real people in real life do we eat at a restaurant by yourself just to be in the presence of people go work at a coffee shop get a day pass at a co-working space even if you don't have work to do just to go be with people check out things at your library at your rec center volunteer in your community go up to the school see if they need somebody to read with kids or sort books in the library or do something but just connect with people connection is truly essential volunteer oh my gosh so many places you can volunteer not only will you start feeling good because you're doing something good but you're connecting with humans especially after covid we've really lost touch with that and when you're hurting especially connection is essential so that's a wrap on how to survive being cheated on your healing strategy step one fall apart step two get help and understand the difference between strategy and tactics step three focus on taking care of yourself specifically don't disrupt your peace of mind in the moment step four move your body hop on YouTube check out my videos turn out some music and dance or do my 90 day program it's gonna help you bless you'll get in better shape and who doesn't want that and stepped five connect connect with other humans move into that sense of belonging volunteering support groups whatever it is volunteer with animals that's that's a sense of belonging do what you can to connect have a fantastic week reach out remember rate and review this podcast rate and review this podcast reach out to me free 20 minute zoom call I love to work with you pressure you to work with me let's just talk let's just be real I've been through this too and it was horrible and I'm on the other side so let's talk if it seems like a good fit we're gonna keep talking and it's gonna be amazing but if not we still talk and you still have gotten the benefit of reaching out admitting getting help and human connection so with that have an amazing week and as usual always remember to flaunt exactly who you are because who you are is always more than enough this podcast is sponsored by better help have you been struggling lately relationship issues impact every area of your life when I found out about my husband's infidelity I was so devastated I could barely function sleeping was impossible because I couldn't shut off my brain eating was a challenge because I felt nauseous all the time and for the first month or so everything felt pointless whether you're having trouble sleeping feeling hopeless or just can't focus better help is here to help you better help offers licensed therapists who are trained to listen and help you can talk to your therapist in a private online environment at your convenience there's a broad range of expertise in better helps 20,000 plus therapist network that gives you access to help that might not be available in your area just fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs and then you'll be matched with a therapist in under 24 hours and then you can schedule secure video and phone sessions plus you can exchange unlimited messages and everything you share is completely confidential I know the confidentiality was important for me especially early on when I couldn't even get my own mind wrapped around what was happening and it was so comforting to be able to speak with someone candidly about everything I was going through to validate that what I was feeling and experiencing was completely normal you can request a new therapist at no additional charge any time join the 2 million plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experienced better help therapist special offer to flaunt create a life you love after infidelity and betrayal listeners you get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/flaunt that's better help h-e-l-p.com/slaunt fl-l-a-u-n-t thanks again to better help for sponsoring this podcast. Tune in next time to flaunt find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with Laura Cheetle every Wednesday at 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on syndicated dream vision 7 radio network uncover the truth of what's possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com you [ Silence ]
