The guys discuss how to measure the bookcase-to-beer ratio properly while bartering, when porch pirating a big screen tv results in extreme frustration and disappointment unless you’re into cardio, and how the magic of four wheel drive has enabled the disabled to enjoy majestic views.
That Checks Out
The “Spirit” of Love and Silent, Violent Crosswalks
The guys discuss how to measure the bookcase-to-beer ratio properly while bartering, when porch pirating a big screen tv results in extreme frustration and disappointment unless you’re into cardio, and how the magic of four wheel drive has enabled the disabled to enjoy majestic views.
- Duration:
- 1h 0m
- Broadcast on:
- 12 Aug 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
Five, four, three. - That was-- - Good! - That was the way he's real one, that was good. - Yeah, he's still got the thing on. - But yeah, that was more than two one. - Yeah. - That was like two, one, zero, negative one. - Right, then go. - Is that all gonna be recorded, or are people just gonna act like we don't know where we're talking about that? - No, we're not, we're leaving that in, we're leaving that in. - That checks out everybody. Damon, Damon, you're weak. - Yeah, hey, thanks for bringing the energy. - So good. - So good. - I bring it 206 episodes, why don't you show up for once? - Yeah, well we're in 219, so. (laughing) - I didn't say I brought it from home. - Right, look, there's a couple I wasn't here. It is what it is. Hey, 206 out of 219, and he's like, bro, really? - Come on, man, I think we're better than that. So, it's been, I haven't talked about this, because it's not a huge deal. - It's not been so, oh, on then, especially of your age. - Correct, I have to take a blue pill. It is what it is. So anyway, I'm doing carnivore, okay? Today, most days when we record, we record at night. So I go, you know what, I'm not gonna eat dinner. So I'm not gonna eat dinner after I get home. I'm gonna fast. Let me tell you what my body said today about 11 o'clock. What's that? You are not gonna fast. - Hey, that, okay. - So, now you gotta remember now, I mean, carnivore. I can't just go somewhere and get something, unless I wanna pay an astronomical amount of money for stuff that I could've brought from home, or, you know what I mean, or whatever, or a breakfast this morning going, oh, now I'll be fine, right now. I had a very bad plan that did not work out. So, fast forward to, I run to Costco and get these beef sticks that I really like, okay? And one of those rotisserie chickens. - On your lunch? - On my lunch. - How long does that take? - I'm only 10 minutes from Costco. - Was there time for that? - Yeah, I'm only 10 minutes from Costco, get an hour. So anyway, 10 minutes from Costco, it gave me a half hour to basically just road dog ravage. - Yeah. - One of those turkey, or one of those chickens, you know what I mean? - That was the chicken. - The rotisserie chicken, yeah, housed it, that's a good way. I'm not even kidding you. When you dive in there, bare hands into the bag, and you're like, okay, you're just grabbing handfuls of meat, you're like, that's hot. - What's weird to me? - That's hot. - Thanks for telling me to spill down the shirt. - I didn't see you spill down your shirt. We're not in a video, you're right. - I didn't either, but-- - You can be spilling. - Yeah, I'm just not. - You'd be spilling. - What's weird to me is that chicken can be the driest meat in America, yet you get a rotisserie chicken, and you're not getting that grease off your fingers for at least three days. - No, that was the whole thing. So now I have to drive with my left hand, I'm eating with my right hand, and I'm burning, like right now, I don't know how I don't have sores on my hand. Because I'm diving in, I go to grab the leg, the one time the bone comes right out of the leg and all the meat stays there, and I'm like, no. I was so pissed. So anyway, you drive it. So then I was like, okay, beef sticks. Well, then the beef sticks are in these packages that I actually have to work it around where my key is, and try to poke a hole, 'cause it's like they made it to where they could send it to the moon, okay? And I'm like, you just put it on a shelf in Costco, and you're just keeping a fact I haven't been able to eat it in the car the way back. So anyway, I ate two of these real long beef stick things, which were delicious, and I ate at least 40 to 50% of this rotisserie chicken. I tore it up silly style. It wasn't-- - What happened to the rest of it? - Huh? It's in the car right now. I had it in at work, and then I had it in the fridge. I thought about bringing it up here, but it's a little hotter appearance in my car. So I think that's what I'm gonna leave in the car. We'll see what happens. If I get home and I throw it out, it's four bucks. It is what it is, you know what I mean? - What I take away from this story is that apparently 11 a.m. on Mondays is a good time to go to Costco. - Yeah. - If you were able to get to the chickens and the beef sticks and out, still have time to drive back and eat it. - Oh yeah. Oh dude, I was on a mission. I was right in, I know where everything, I'm like, boom, boom, boom, done. And I was out, so, but like I said, I had to do that. Today's a fasting day, and I basically housed half a chicken instead, I would say. All right, and it's the beef sticks. So the other thing that happened to me this week, that was today, okay, this week. I brag about my dog, Lilo. She takes, she has to take pills right now, 'cause she has Lyme disease. Okay, she has Lyme disease. So apparently, she had to take somewhere, is what it is, she has Lyme disease. So I have to give her three pills in the morning. I'm not lying when I say, I hand it, I thought I'm gonna have to put this in cheese, I'm gonna do this, you know I have to do with dogs, peanut butter, whatever. I literally, I shake the thing, she sits down. I hand her the first pill, she crunches it up and swallows it. And I go, you got to be kidding me. Now we did that for five days. - Yeah. - Fast forward to day six, which was yesterday. Apparently, they feel, they taste a little different on day six, and it hit the floor. Well, then many wants it, because many sit there like, I don't get a treat, that's the best thing too. Many walks up, she eats them faster. She's like, give me another one, don't give none to her. Not anymore. So she started, now I gotta put them in her mouth, and you gotta do the whole rubber throw thing, and she looks at you, but I was so proud. I'm telling everybody, like, I've never had a dog that just takes her medicine like this. I talked about it too much. - Well, I also, well, I also think you put too much of a positive spin on it, 'cause that doesn't sound more of a dog that takes her medicine as a dog that it just dumbs a bag around. - Yeah, we'll just eat anything and doesn't care. - Oh, let's jump on this. And then it took her five days to go. - These taste terrible. - These are awful, I don't want these. Every time I think it's gonna be a treat, and I get three of them in her own, they're gross. But maybe today's today, and after the six days, she's like, no, wait a minute. - I'm getting on to you. - Wait a minute. - 'Cause of what was smarter, and I think this is, I'm gonna talk about my dog. My dog, if you put it in peanut butter, and then wrap that cheese around that, and then put that inside meat, you'll hear smackin' and lippin' and chompin' and everything, and then you'll look back five minutes later, and the pill will be pristine, just sittin' on the ground, like-- - Oh, yeah. - Nice try. (laughing) Guess who just got a delicious treat, and not a pill. - Hey, you wanna try again? I love that snack. - Yeah, you wanna go again? - Try again? - Yeah. - Let's go to 'em, full. - You know what, there's some pizza rolls in the freezer. - I will tell you this. - Let's grab those. - Well, we're on the topic of dogs the other day. The dog starts sneezing, it's somewhere in the middle of the night. I haven't checked the time yet, but it's the middle of the night. I get woken up by the dog sneezing. He gets up, it goes into the bathroom to sneeze. I'm like, well, that's polite, though I can still hear you. It's attached to this room. - Right. (laughing) - And then he goes to jump on the bed, and he hits me in the legs. Like, his stomach hits me in the legs, and he just slides off, and I'm like, oh no, 'cause my dog has a history of seizures, right? - Oh. - So I think this is a problem. So I pop up, I don't see him, I'm like, well, no. So then I walk around the bed, he's begging to be let out by Tina. And I'm like, well, I'm already up. I mean, I'd have to be a relay hole to go back to bed. And be like, you know, he wants you, so I'm going back to bed. - 50/50 chance, I think you're gonna back him back. - So I get up, and I go downstairs and I let him out, and he comes back and he walks, and he just stares at the toilet in the downstairs bathroom. And I look, and I'm like, yeah, it's fine. I don't, there's no, like, the lids up. - The lids up, so it's not like there's clogging. - Hey, we're good then. - So like, do you want to drink? Is that what you want? So I'm going to go get him a whole bowl. How's the whole thing? - Oh, really? - Top to bottom. Usually he's a couple legs, and he's like, I'll come back. - Oh, yeah? - He'd heat to the bottom. - Guess who's going back out a little bit? - Well, no, he immediately went out and took a massive dump. - Really? - Yeah. - Just straight out, and then like, turn around and like, stare at me, and he was like, this is what I needed. (laughing) And then, as soon as he's done with that, he just runs back upstairs and go to bed. But now, I look at the clock, it's 2.30 in the morning. Guess who's up? - Oh yeah, this guy. All because I thought, had I just been my regular self, and then like, I don't know, the dog's probably dead. (laughing) And they seem to get up. I wouldn't have to see any of that. (laughing) - It really sucks to care, doesn't it? - Yeah. - You should have, you should have just- - I mean, it was the weirdest, like, it literally felt like he had gone like, I'm dying limp. Didn't just slid down as he went down. I was like, well, then you're right away. - Yeah, I was like, oh no. - Yeah, no, that adrenaline kicks in. Like, I am up now, I'm up. - I'll go one more story in the dog, and then we'll get out of here. - Yeah. - So my youngest has been away at camp all summer, right? - Oh, okay. - And then there was one day that I came home and I was told that the dog was really whiny, whiny, and someone had a meeting that was too important, so didn't let the dog out and the dog grabbed in the upstairs hallway. - Gotcha. - And I was like, that's on you. - 'Cause that's where carpet is. - Well, no, that's the point of going downstairs. - Yeah, it was a tile. The dog has never thrown up or pooped or anything on where we have tile in the house. - Correct. - It's always been on the carpet. But I was like, that's on you. I get the dog is irritating when you're in a meeting, but you can tell when the dog is, okay, this is irritating, this is extra irritating. - Yeah. - You didn't let the dog out, dog take a crap on the carpet, you had to clean it up. - Well, it turns out it happened more than once, except the other two times he was using the bedroom of the human that hasn't been home all summer, so no one caught it. - Oh, really? - Yeah. - Say his own personal bathroom. - Yeah, well, he already does. The world is this toilet. (laughing) - It's usually, it's the outside world. - Understood. - Understood. - I came home and I was like, hey, I was told, guess what? I was like, well, I don't know. Turns out it wasn't just the hallway. It was also where our daughters were like, oh, they're gonna be thrilled to find that out. Still doesn't know, hasn't gotten home. Gets home this week, doesn't know that-- - Well, that's all right. I mean, it's not-- - I don't know if we'll over it. Maybe if they figure it out on their own, good for you, Jessica Fletcher, but otherwise, I don't think we're saying anything. - Yeah, it's not, we're not gonna come in the door and be like, guess the dog. - Yeah, guess the dog did, you're never gonna believe this. - Well, what do I win? You win the surprise. - You win, fudge. I don't know. - Yeah, beach fudge. - Beach fudge. - Yeah, that's a nice callback right there. - Let's find a more spill. - Oh, yeah, you made it run. You made it run. - Let's stand. - So, leave those pills. I gotta be at, Titan, does he ever take pills the right way? - No, it's always peanut butter. - It's always peanut butter? - Yeah. - Okay, yes, like I said, I'm not gonna try that. I'm just gonna keep putting 'em in her mouth and jump around, but she gotta do it for 30 days. Like I said, day five, I'm still solid. Day six yesterday. - Oh, so now you got 25 days? - Yeah, I got 25 days left. Yeah, I got 25 days left. I was kinda hoping, like, I know you're saying she's slow. I was hoping she was like 29 days slow, instead of like five days slow. Yeah. - Well, and here's the thing. I am thrilled that now you have to deal with her, trying to get it into the dog and no longer eat it and then keep the dog, it shouldn't have them away. - Yes. - That pleases me. - Yeah. (laughing) - Though, if I know you after maybe three days of that, you're gonna be like, no, you get nothing. - Yeah. - Except more excited and more. Like someone who brought the energy to the show, not me. - Yeah, no, I can definitely yell, trust me. I can yell at that dog. - So. - I couldn't even fit you in Greek Ted. - What about you? You got anything fun from this week you wanna talk about? - Um, I feel like fun from this week. I mean, I did and lost it. - Yeah? - Yeah. - We'll save it for next week. (laughing) - There was something, I was like, oh yeah. I was like, oh yeah, this happened. But now I forget. Oh, to be fair, my sister's in town. - Oh yeah. - And there was this whole like, what should we meet up? Well, first off, I wasn't even gonna see her 'cause she's in town. I was supposed to pick up my daughter this weekend, but can't, the whole schedule change and everything. But then it turns out, no, I can't see her, but we didn't make plans 'cause I wasn't going to be able to see her on a weekend. It was maybe it was a dinner after work kind of thing 'cause that's how my schedule was. So I, it was decided I would get together on Sunday. And I was like, you know what, just as a surprise, I'll go down there before my mom goes to church, I'll pick them all up and take them. And someone who goes to the church, I grew up in my mom's still current church, ran into your wife, I don't know, a couple months back. And I said, this is the first time I've seen him since then, my mom's seen him and talked about it. I was like, hey, Roy, I understand you ran into a friend of mine and I said, Nicole, and he's like, oh, Prakio? Now this guy couldn't remember my name to save his life. (laughing) And I knew him for 18 years. - Yeah, Todd. - I don't think he got that much. He got Wilson, he got Wilson. - Gotcha, gotcha. - He looked at me and my sister and my niece was there and my mom and he was able to put Wilson together. He's a double gentleman, I'm not trying to make fun of him. But you know, older people, I haven't seen him in 10 years. I was like, I know you, but I don't know you. But it immediately goes, oh, I'm Nicole Prakio. He's like, I want to say this, I don't, she's a lovely Christian woman. And I was like, you can say that, Roy, I'm not gonna. (laughing) - Yeah, in church, I'm gonna be like, that's some BS, Roy. - I'm gonna say, I don't know if that's bad. Is that derogatory? I mean, what, you know, I don't know if I should say this. You probably should, you're fine, you know? - But it was just incredible how much his attitude turned around, like, oh, yeah. - Yeah, but listen, Todd, I'm not a big fan of yours, but no, she, yeah, she ran into him at a dollar store. - Yeah, she paid for his, yeah. - Well, it's this big story that she paid for his, like, you know, groceries. She had two bottles of, like, diet peps or whatever. - Right. - So she threw two bones down and was like, now they're best friends. - First off, we roll like that. Okay, I got a dollar store fun. - You guys roll deep, sure. - I got dollar store funs, all right. Listen, if it says "Bettons" on it, I could probably buy two baggages to them, thanks. All right, I'm just telling you right now. - As long as I have my mom's and I open, I know where the food, like, I just opened a drawer and my niece was like, how'd you know that was in there? I'm like, this was my house. - Yeah, yeah. - This is my mother, I know where she keeps. I've been there for 40 plus years. - This is the kitchen. It's either going to be pots and pans or food. That's how the kitchens work. - Yeah, there's 50/50 chance. - And I just went, it was like, those breakfast cookie things, one of the, I don't know. - Oh yeah, yeah. - Belveda's. - Belveda's, yeah. - And then, but everyone was like, "Bettons?" - What is Daemon Benair? - It's a trash. - I give her a lot of hard time for having me. - My wife also buys your mom's stuff. But it is funny. Same thing. Here's a deal. I know, I'm a wonderful person. We all know that. But, you okay? We're getting sick. You okay? - Yeah, I'm in. - Did you hear what you said? - Just checking. Yeah, truth. Yeah, truth bomb. Anyway, so here's where we're at. I know still that I also married a good person. So I mean, you know, we're, listen, we're doing our 30th reunion. That's coming up. All right. It's coming up in a couple of weeks. We're doing a 33 union. The invitations went out. - Yeah. - And I got credited for them. I did nothing. Okay. I actually gave for the wrong information for the wrong date. - You gave her wrong information more than once. - Yeah. She had to change them. Okay. 'Cause of me. So then everybody's like, oh, these are great. So then they're like, oh, we need somebody to work a table. Hey, my wife found here to do that. Oh, okay. Here's a deal. When you have people that you haven't seen, some of them you might not have seen them 30 years. Some of them you have. Okay. But I don't look the same. You don't look. - Well, I think I look more different than you. I think you would recognize you. - Absolutely. - But the fact of the matter is, is when you're at the table and you went to that school and people walk up and you're like, here, put this name tag on and you don't know what name to write, at least with my wife's name at the table, she should never know what name to write. - Well, we're good. - I was the guy that had to do it 10 years ago. So you preach into the choir. - Yes. - And everyone but one. There was one person. I was like, there was a table laid out. And I was like, oh, welcome. And I had to hand everyone. I was like, hey, good to see you. So-and-so. It's been forever. Here's your welcome gift. - Oh, no. Hey, here's the table. Welcome with us. Please find your name and grab your bag. - When you find your name, could you hold it up so I can see because I have no idea what to say. - Well, as soon as they walked away, I was like, noted. (laughter) I'm back to it. - Yeah. It was literally the only person. I was like, I am. - Yeah. - And even if they took it, I was like, I still don't know where they are. - Yeah. But, but I feel like that's a safe move. You put somebody who didn't go to that school. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? So it's like, even, you know what's weird? They're going to come in and they'll be like, oh, hey, they're going to act like they know her because they're not going to understand that she didn't go to that school. That's what I want to watch. I want to see who does that and fakes it enough to be like, hey, how you been? - We were here when they built this place. - Yeah. - But that happened before, like years ago, my sister came home from somewhere and was there and was like, oh, and it was like, no, no, no, that's, that's my sister, that we're not together. Like, why does everyone in this church try to do that? - They're just trying to pair you up. They're trying to pay. You know what? It's a cool thing. She wouldn't have changed her last name. - I mean, she'd have to do it now. - She would now. - Now she was starting now. She would have to. All right. Hey, can we do a couple of fun facts? Besides the fact that the people in your church like my wife more than like you sometimes. All right, fun fact number two after that one. There's a tree in Pakistan that was arrested in 1898 and it is still in chains over a hundred years later. And here's a story, a drunk, a drunk, a drunk British officer named James Squid, that's a weird last name, thought it was moving from its spot and ordered the sergeant to arrest the offending tree. So someone got an order to chain the tree. I get that, you know, let's say it's the first of August, the second of August that didn't. No one was like. - Can you take the chains off the tree? - Yeah, so we can. - Yeah, let's. - Hey, have you seen my cops? - I feel like that someone like you where you were like, no, no, I wasn't wrong. I checked that chain off. I was wrong. So that chain stays. - This guy could be there. It goes my hero. He really could because he's standing by. Yeah. - That one doesn't stop. - This one stops. That one goes twice. - That one doesn't stop. - That's stop. - Well, we want them all to stop. - We want them all to stop. - We want them all to stop. - We want them all to stop and we hit them the second time. - Here's the great thing about audio hive. Everything's improvised. - All right. - I don't think that one ever stops. - This is wonderful. - Or no, it's like he, he, like your dog trains us. This is how the board works. - Yes. - You guys are idiots. You guys don't know how any electric and electrical things work. Here's how the board works. We hit things and then all of a sudden, well, that doesn't, that one doesn't do it. You idiots. Why wouldn't you know that? The other 15, they work just fine. I don't understand why you're pressing that one. - Speaking of companies that just run asinine stupid rules, I, you know, promoted my show that's the night before the reunion with Uncle Larry Reed. - Oh yeah. - Said, "Hey, come on. Here's the tickets." And what that's all it was. It's like, here's the show. Here's the details. Link in comments for the tickets. Facebook turned off at spam saying that I was trying to like get, I was trying to garner likes and like recognition by using like, like, isn't it the point? - Yeah. - Isn't it the point I want people to see it? - Yes, I want people to like it. So other people see it. So they pay money to see a show. I'm not asking for money for myself right through this thing. I'm asking, please support, you know, theater and local comedy and everything by coming out and seeing it. And then the funny thing is that Larry, I've been on the shows with Larry multiple times. The only thing Larry has ever shared is me complaining to Facebook. I put on there, like, "Hey, look what they did." They said this is spam. - And Larry found it funny. - And Larry, like, shared that out. - Yeah. - So of course, comedy Brian was like, "Look, even Facebook says you're too much of a..." - Of a shill, I'm loving it. - You're pre-medana. - Yeah, he literally was like, ♪ Da da da da da da ♪ - You're son of a bitch. - But here's a deal. Don't you put everything on Facebook. A picture of my ham sandwich from lunch is so people go, ooh, I wish I had that ham sandwich and they like it. Or that looks delicious, they like it. It's all for attention. But I mean, you're actually doing something. - No, I'm just waiting for one of our reunion for things to get flagged 'cause we're asking people to pay money to come to our reunion. - Correct, right. - Yeah. - Well, the point of that is that I was comparing the level of professionalism in audio-hyped Facebook. Anyway, go on with your drunk guy that arrested a tree. - So anyway, so a hundred years later, they still have the chains on there. I gotta think, like you said, day two, day three. And then you go, you gotta arrest a perp and you're like, hey, where's your cuffs? Okay, listen, they're around a willow tree. - Is it, well, yeah, is it this to the point that where they can't get the chain off? 'Cause you've seen those photos probably where they like up someone parks a bike next to a tree and then gets sent away to war. - So no. - He never comes home and then not like the tree like zorbs. I don't know if that's the actual tree, but it sure looks like it. And it's got chains hanging off it. Like it's a joke, like it's chained to the ground. - Apparently it never like stopped growing at that point. - Right, right. So anyway, but here's a deal. So you're a British officer, but it says a drunk British officer. So, I don't know how many-- - Well, this is the 18, you said the 18? - Yeah, it's 18, 15, 1898. You're right, you're right. - Yeah, the Brits at that point still owned part of the world and did not care. - Yeah, that's probably a little different. Probably a little different. 'Cause I'm just looking at it going, okay, listen, if you were doing that nowadays and you're like, okay, the only reason that's still there is 'cause the guy was lit. - Well, yeah, the guy had presumed power and was lit. - Correct. So anyway, 100 years later, chain's still on. It looks like the tree never grew. So it is what it is. Number two, state parks are introducing all terrain wheelchairs, enabling people with mobility issues to experience trails for the first time. Now, that's kind of cool until you see the picture. Okay, it's cool looking thing. It looks like Johnny Five, only with the chair, right? But here's the deal. I got buddies that go four wheeling. They get stuck all the time, okay? You gotta pull 'em out with another four wheeler. Who are you pulling out with this? - I know where you can get some chains. - Yeah, look, I'm gonna chain you to that tree right there. Those chains have been there for 100 years, so be careful, be very careful. - I mean, I get it, the picture showed me in snow. I get it if they're, you know, they do it so you can take the trails. - Right. - And you stay on the trails, but yeah, that's just asking for trouble. It's asking for trouble, and again, you're on an electric motor race thing. Like we went through with the oxygen tanks and it sat, up to nine hours. How much time do you get on this? - Yeah. - Okay, now, here's the difference. Put me in the wheelchair, okay? Or put Mac in the wheelchair. Let's see how long it lasts between the two of 'em. Okay, I'm gonna tell you right now. Excellent different when I'm in there. You know what else does? Go carts, anything else that I get in, where it's like when I'm competing with somebody and I look and I go, why is mine so slow? It's not, it's working just as hard. Why is the 12 year old child flying by me? - Right, yeah. - Yeah, he doesn't know how to steer and take the corners and he's beating me. Why? Oh, 'cause he weighs as much as my thigh, and I'm losing. - You're just watching him scrape the wall the entire way, he's still winning. - Sparks flying, you're like, what are you doing? - You're in the groove, you're hitting the exact line. You're turning your, you're turning like wide on the right, you know, lean on the left, and still he's just like-- - Yeah, he's like-- - And he's still beating you, and you're like-- - Personal best, and I finish like three laps out of the kindergarten class. You're like, what's going on? - I mean, you've been on the ones now where it literally has like a hill that you have to go up all the way up. - Oh yeah. - And then you catch up on the way down, 'cause gravity has not reversed. - Gravity helps, yeah. - But on the way up, you're just watching everyone pass you, and you're like-- - And you're hearing it, 'cause yours has a different home to it. - Oh yeah, no, yours doesn't have a home, it has a strain. (laughing) - Yeah. (laughing) Yeah, I don't know what Briggs and Stratton's doing right now, but it is hurting. - Oh, it's Briggs and straining, is what it is. - Whatever you just moved, I love it, because I can feel the breeze. - Right? - Yeah, so whatever you just moved, worked perfect. Oh, that feels great. - Wait, hold on. Can you feel it now? - Yeah, still a little bit. - Oh, good, I can really feel it, 'cause the chair's aiming at my way. - All right, so, let's just agree to disagree that these are a bad idea, okay? - These are bad idea. - I don't know if we're agreeing to disagree. - Let's just agree that we're agreeing to agree, yeah. - Okay, all right. So here's another one. This is so long time, eight years from 1995 to 2003, but God is mayor, which I don't know where this is, hired Mimes to mock traffic violators, aiming to reduce chaotic driving. Now, this unique approach led to 50% decrease in traffic fatalities. - Yeah, but how much of an increase in Mime fatalities? - Yeah, and homicide, right? Mime homicide, okay? - Mime aside? - Mime aside, yeah, whatever it is. Here's the deal. They show him, okay, it's in the middle of the crosswalk. - Right. - First off, he's gonna get punched. Okay, he's mocking me for walking through a crosswalk. He's gonna get punched, okay? But what's he gonna say? Ow, he can't. - Right. - He's Mime, okay, he can't talk. Here's what it is. Can't break the Mime rule, here's what it is. - I don't, I don't know if that's-- - That's how it works. - True, but-- - Mimes can't talk. You know that, they're mutes or something like that, right? - Oh, how 'bout that? - That's a mute, do you believe that? - Yeah, that's a mute point, right? Isn't that where it goes? But anyway, but it says 50% decrease in traffic fatalities. - Well, 'cause probably 'cause they're watching the Mimes get punched. - That's probably, you're right. - Instead of cars, I'm no longer upset because I'm watching this Mime where it literally gets mauled. - Yeah, I want to run that lady down for going on three, start walking across the intersection. But the Mime, he's kind of entertaining. - Well, that's true, I think you actually, so the person messes up, they upset you. - Yeah. - But then you see the Mime make fun of him. So now the enemy of your enemy has become-- - Gotcha. - You know what I mean? Like now-- - Yeah, we-- - Yeah, you and the person that angered you now hate this Mime more than ever. - Right, I understand, I understand. You're like, you hate that Mime too? You know what you had, punch him for me on the way fine. He gets punched twice. - In this day and age. I get like, let's say in 1898, when junk people would chain up trees. - Yeah. - Who goes into being a Mime? - 1995, we graduated high school in '95. - Who, even 1995, I get the internet was still new and fresh in the real world. It was, had been around in the government for a while. But yeah, you know, we're still using walkmans and stuff. But we had other things to do. - Yeah. - It wasn't like, I don't know how to entertain myself. I'm gonna silently like pretend I'm doing things. - Yeah, I'm gonna go to Mime school, you know? That's, somebody had to really think that out. And then, why do Mime's, why do they have to have like the white face or the makeup? What does that do? - I think that was for visibility. - Well, yes, they don't get hit. This guy's wearing yellow pants and everything else. You know, in the intersection. So, but, but again, it's just says it, they hired him to mock traffic violators. I don't know how, what, that job's got to pay. There's no hazard pay. - Who comes up with that? - Oh, somebody with somebody in the council that's like, "Look, I wouldn't know the 74 other things they tried first." Where they're like, "I don't know, Mime's." - You know what's weird? You think maybe like the mayor of this town went, "My brother Bob is worthless." - Or, it was like, "Oh, my kids in Mime." - Yeah, how do I get this kid? - That's what it is. - How do I get this kid a job? - I'm so proud of you, Billy. You know what? I created a job position for you. - You and your dumb little friends. - I mean, fun little friends. - Yeah, you're going to mock people, probably get punched in the face daily. - Well, that's true too. - Yeah, he found his kid a job, but also he put his kid in front of every fist in town. - Yeah. - It's like, listen, people are not going to like you as much as I don't like the fact that you're Mime. So, but yeah, from '95 to 2003, that's eight years. Eight years, this program worked. I'm doing air quotes. - Worked. - So, when did it, why did it stop? I wonder. - I don't know. I don't know, 'cause it, like I said, but it said it led to a 50% decrease. How do you track that too? Is it only at Mime? - Well, also, also what if it just, there was some, like, just because the Mimes did that, how do they prove the causation? 'Cause there's causation without correlation where sometimes the 50% came from something else. It had something to do with the Mimes, but they're like, "Well, the Mimes." - Right. Yeah, maybe gas prices went up. - Yeah. - Yeah, and people are like, walking. - What they're not telling you is that a major interstate went through, you know, just around that town just four miles away and people are like, "Well, we're not going through that weird mod intersection." - I don't want to go through there. - Let's go over here. - Guy mocks me. (laughing) - Guy m, I'm tired of punching that guy. Punch him three times yesterday. So, but yeah, so 50% decrease in traffic fatalities. That's, and we're talking about fatalities, not even like accidents. - That's true. - Fake fatalities. - What if two people died in 1994 and like one person died? - Yeah. - Like four, two people died in the eight years prior and one person died because that'd be a 50%, 50% reduction. - Right. Then, but then, hey, what if then that day one person dies? Then the Mime has a heart attack and he dies. - Well, then they were like, "Hey, we canceled that program yesterday?" (laughing) It was a success. - It was, yeah, successful. By the way, we're down to Mime. - Yeah. - That program ended the moment that Mime died. - I'm going to miss Billy. All right. I got another fun fact. This one-- - Did it just stick, you know, like your-- - Yeah, just the crying thing. - That's the rubbing your eyes right by the thing. - Yeah. - And you frown. - So this is wild. What do I show you this box? VanMoof, a Dutch bicycle company, cleverly placed TV images on their bike boxes to reduce shipping damage. - Oh, 'cause people think they're shipping TVs. - So this creative approach led to an impressive 80% decrease in damages during transit. - But 120% increase in bike theft. - In theft, right. 'Cause when that's on your front porch, okay? I'm taking your TV. I'm pissed off when you got a bike in epochs. - I will give them this little clever a bit, is that they have a TV with a picture of a bike on it. - Correct. - Yeah. - So you're going to be like, "Oh, is that the bike TV?" (laughing) - But yeah, all your porch pirates, right, that are taking these TVs, then if they're not their bikes, they're pissed. - Yeah, the Fred X's and the U-Piss's don't throw them anymore. - Right. - But the porch pirates are like, "Oh." - He is. - And we don't learn that damage 'cause they were handled with care. - Yeah. - I used to steal broken bikes in these boxes. - But what was funny though, is then they open it up and they're like, "What?" And then they throw it back. (laughing) - Then it gets thrown. - Yeah, then it gets damaged. - Then it gets thrown. - 'Cause they get upset. - You're like, "I think the U-P-S guy did this." "No, no, no. "No, the guy turned around. "He got down the road. "Open it up and went, "You gotta be shit me." And he turned around. - It's all those videos where you saw, do you see those back when it was hard to get consoles and you'd see videos of parents that would somehow buy a box from someone and fill it with books? - Oh yeah. - And then of course, they'd open it up and it would just be like textbooks and stuff. And those parents are probably murdered, no. - Yeah. - It's kind of like that. They think they're getting a TV. They get a fight. Now my parents did that to my cousin in reverse. It was back in probably '86, '87. He was looking for a particular wrestler. You know, they all didn't like, rubber wrestlers wrapped it up in a jeans box handed it to him. And he's like, "Jeans!" And then like threw it down and they're like, "No, open it up." It's from your aunt and uncle. You open it up and whatever wrestler it was, he freaked out. - Nice. - Nice. - Yeah, you can do that. - My parents are cool once. - Once, Jennie. - But not to you. (laughing) - No, it wasn't, it wasn't for you. - Hey. - That wouldn't be fun for them. I got a TCO, sells it to you. - To me, it's just right to me. - Yeah, TCO sells it for you. Sorry, I'm gonna give it to you. That's what I was gonna say. - Oh, you're gonna have me read it? - Yes, because I want you to read it. And I don't know the guy, but it does come from Braedwood Wilmington area. So there you go. This is pretty good. It's pretty good. TCO sells it for you. - Braedwood Wilmington sales. I have some high quality items looking to trade for beer. They are as follows. Two, it's more than one. - Two. - Two. - Black and decker cordless weed wackers and blower five batteries equals two cases, cores like, did he get drunk in the middle of that? I don't know. Two black and decker cordless weed wackers and blower five batteries. Okay, I had to put my own cameras in there. - Yeah. - Equals two cases of cores like, two bookshelves equals one 12 packs, some are Shandy per bookcase. (laughing) - I don't want math, bro. But then he says the total value that he's listed is 1111. - That's the guy that put all the ones. - Yeah, 'cause people do that. Are they one, two, three, four, five? - Yeah. - We'll trade for beer high quality items. Again, now if I just read that without putting my own punctuation in, we'll trade for beer high quality items. - Yeah. - So beer high? - Yeah, quality items. - Quality items. - So here's a guy who apparently, is not gonna do any more yard work, but he wants to hammer it. - Or finally realize that black and decker is no longer the quality name and tools it once was. (laughing) - Well, hey, when you say quality, two case of cores light, that's quality, you know? - Well, I don't know how we got three tools and five batteries. That's pretty impressive. - Yeah, well, you only steal what's available. - That's true, okay. You only steal what's available. But then when you go to the two bookshelves, it could say two bookshelves equal two, or 24, you know, summer shandy. And instead, it's one. - Yeah, you put it back per bookcase. - He would really math, like word problem on that. - He really did. So if my bookcase leaves Omaha at 5.30, how much beer do I get at 6.15? - Imagine if you just are just math illiterate and you show up with one case of summer shandy. - Yeah. - And you're like, I like two bookcases, please. Oh, no, no, no. You can have one. I'm sorry, but the other one's spoken for. For who? The guy standing behind him with another case is like, that guy right there, so. - I didn't really look at the pictures. Are they good bookcases? - No, no, they're actually stuff that like you would put - Like the press would? - Oh yeah, oh, they're garbage. They're garbage. So if you put the summer shandy on it, they would collapse, okay, that's what it is. 12, that's why I put 12 and not 24. You put 24 in at one time, the shelves going down. - Yeah, that's what it's one per-- - It's going over too. It's only, you know, it's like six inches, you know, deep, it's like, what are you putting on this thing? I don't even know if books fit on it. They'd be hanging off. But no, I find it great when people go, I want to trade for, I want to trade for something. - Yeah, I want to trade my trash for quality items. - And the bad part is, is that, so this, when I took this picture, it was nine hours. Let's see, I took this picture yesterday on Sunday. So they posted this on Saturday night. So you know, on Saturday night, they went to the garage and go, what can I trade for beer? - Oh yeah, super serious. They were like, hey, you know, what they thought was since they posted it on Saturday night, they thought they were getting drunk on Saturday night. - On Saturday night, right. - Here we are Sunday and they're like, oh no. (laughing) - And then now it's Monday and it's time to do the yard work and you're like, okay, I got to decide. - Yeah, do I dirty these, which I'm sure I, he thoroughly cleaned black and decker weed trimmers. - Oh yeah, yeah, no, they're definitely high. First, I had to throw away the battery ones. I had battery ones, they drove me nuts because I have a decent sized yard and as you're edging or doing this net, I get through like a quarter of it and I'm like, I got two batteries, bro. You know, I got two batteries. - I updated to like the bigger battery version and the original ones, yeah, it sucked, I hated them. - Yeah, I had those. - Because I literally like, it was a two day project. - Yes. - Did you get a half your yard done, you have to get all the batteries charged back up and start again. - Yeah, I had one of them works GT things. That's what I had and it was like, okay. - I had one now, but just lugging it around, the battery is so heavy that the arm that guides it is fine, but the arm that's holding up the rest of the stick is like, what are we doing? - Yeah, why is it so hard? Do you even bench, bro? What are we doing right now? - Bro, so we get some summer shandy for this? - So here's the deal, if you need bookcases or landscaping, you know, paraphernalia, let us know. - Or if you just, yeah, want to get a refresh. - You want to get rid of beer? - Yeah, maybe you just decide to stop drinking beer. - Yeah, maybe it's a donation, you know what I mean? So it's one of those barter things. Remember they used to have shows on TV where they started out with somebody. - Oh, trade up and trade up and trade up. - Yeah, I don't know that you're trading up from power tools for something you're gonna consume of all the shows that we have discussed and talked about and you know that they're rigged and fake and you know, just put together by the producers. That's the one where I was like, - Barter Kings? - Come on, remember it? - Yeah, come on. - Yeah, I'm gonna start off with this paper clip and I'm gonna have a house by the end of it. - Yeah, yeah. - Or literally be like, hey, I've got this, you know, I've got this moped. You know, street value about $1,300, I'd like your boat. I understand which is, you know, eight cranks. Well, I've always wanted a moped. - Yeah. - No, I guess I'll take that trade. - What? The trailer alone is two Gs. What are you talking about? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, I know, literally, they would pause. They would ponder for long enough to say the word ponder like an a-hole, like I just did. - Yeah. - And they'd be like, all right, I'll do it. - Yeah. - And then like enthusiastically shake the hands and be like, you are a sucker, sir. - Yeah, well, first off, there's a camera there and the camera said, go ahead and do this. I guarantee that that guy didn't leave with his moped. He left with his boat. - And then I'll like, you know, I'm gonna like take this boat and turn it into a recreational vehicle. Not like a C-class, like one that looks like a bus. - Like a tour bus. - Like a tour bus. - Like a Tim McGraw's tour bus. - Yes, that's the one. - Yeah, there's a deal. Tim McGraw wants a boat. I know he does. Okay, I want that. - What's this? - Well, you can have a boat or the box? - Oh, what's like the box? (laughing) - But why? We could have a boat. - Yeah, boat. We don't know what's in the box. - We don't know what's in the box. - It could be a boat. (laughing) - We could have had a boat. - It could be a boat in there. - It's just a boat. We have no idea what's in this box. It could be a boat. - Is that box have a boat or is that boat have a box in it? - No, I don't want that boat. I want the box. - Yeah. - Yeah, but no, you're right. They always do. They trade up to like, it's like, okay, so now I'm gonna pull up in front of P. Diddy's mansion. - Right. - Okay, I'm gonna trade Tim McGraw's tour bus, which is valued at 1.2 million for this $19 million mansion. 'Cause you know why taxes here in California suck? He don't wanna be here no more. I love when they start playing the angle too. You know, you're gonna have to put plates on it and you're gonna need tires. It's gonna need this. - You're gonna have to worship every now and then. You don't wanna do that. - Yeah. Did you put the R in worship? - I did. I can't trade with you. I just, I really cannot trade with you. - I know I'm calling back to earlier in the show, but you know where we're from. We're from here. It's not like that's a thing, but at church, someone said that. They were like, I don't remember what it was, but they said worship during the sermon. And I just went. Ah! (laughing) No filter? Well, I literally was just, it did not see it come. That was the thing is that, my dad just said it 'cause he was from something in Illinois. And I saw this meme where it was like, "Do it. Say that thing I love in your accent." And it's a silhouette of a woman and she just goes, "Worshrag." - Worshrag, yeah. - So I said that to my sister, like I know six months ago. - Yeah. - And she dies. So then, so I'm sitting next to I do that. She looks at me and I went, "Worsh." (laughing) - Wait, listen. Like, come on. Like, come on. You don't come on. - Come on, that was a free worship. - Everybody gets it. - Everybody gets one. - I was literally the ostrich. They're like, "Ha!" (laughing) - All right. Let's do it. Let's do it. There goes my hero. Okay? ♪ There goes my hero ♪ - We don't have to press it twice because it doesn't stop. - 'Cause we wanted it. - 'Cause we wanted it to stop. So we just had to let it run. Okay. - 'Cause a TCO party don't stop. - Yeah. Ulysses Whitfield. Guess how old he is? His name's God. - Ulysses. - No, '85. - Well, I was in the ballpark. - Yeah. Retired this week from driving a school bus in Suffolk, Virginia. Okay. Over his 70-year career. - Oh, God. - Yep, you read that, right? He took only two and a half days off. During that time, students could drive. So Whitfield said of the beginning of his career in 1954, he delivered students through changes in technology and radical upheaval, he said. - Yeah, originally I had a horse in the front and I was a covered wagon. - He took two days off. All right, but he was a school bus driver. - Yeah. - So that means presumably he had every Saturday and Sunday off. - Yeah, and all summer. - All summer. - And I get, for being a child of a teacher, it's not how it sounds. There's a lot of extra stuff. When my dad was a principal, never saw the guy. That was six years of my life where I was like, do I have a father? And I'm not saying that in a bad way, it was just there's a lot that goes into it. - Time was needed. - Yeah, it's not like it was seven to three, like people think. It was, you know, six to God knows a win. - Put the bell rang, you know? We're out. Put the bell rang. - Mr. Belden, let's go. - But yes, but a bus driver, and I'm not trying to diminish the bus driver. - Three hours a day. - Yeah, bus driver's not grading papers or doing like a curriculum or like making sure that's ready for when a sub shows up. - Take another day off, bro. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So it says, but it was smooth with me. I didn't have any problems with the kids at all. Respect the kids, and you'll receive respect from them. Okay, now listen, in 1954, probably true. - Yeah. - Here's what I pictured, that his bus, the dashboard's bus went from a, you know, a phonograph to a record player to an eight track to a cassette. - Right. - To a CD player. - To Bluetooth. - To Bluetooth. - To the devil. It's a devil. - And now he's a hipster. It's probably back to vinyl. - Two turntables on a microphone. So, but it says Whitfield plans free ride. - Oh my God. Whitfield plans to come back part time in the fall to train his replacement. Quote, to make sure the run is done nice and smooth. Like I was doing it. I have good kids. I'm going to miss them. I know it. - You know he's going to be one of those jerks that would be like, you know, you stop four feet too short. - Oh yeah. You don't want this kind of bus. - This is not where we're turning. - No. - All that stuff. - No. Okay, but just let's look in the different, 1954, okay? He's picking up, he's picking up kids in Virginia, okay? Odds are. A lot of them look alike. Let's do it that way. - All right. - Stuff starts happening. - Right. - So I wonder Ulysses, okay? Seems like a guy from the south. Okay. Are we? We have a problem with the bus? I mean, honestly. Think about it. This bus driver has gone through metamorph, I mean just. - For sure. Astronomical changes. - My point I want to make though is Ulysses was the name of the general who won the North. - Correct. You're right. You're correct. You're correct. So but my point is it's like, this guy has seen so much. - Yeah, I'm sure he saw quite a bit. - And he's probably like, okay, I saw that start. - I saw that start. I saw that start. 70 years. Listen, we live in a day and age where, first off, nobody's going to work for the same company for 20, 30, 40 years unless your name's on the front of it or you have part ownership of this or that. It's not going to happen because you're going to get your pay raises not by leaving. - I'm sure that, yeah, at one point, things came out of his mouth. Like women in sports. (laughing) - Get out of town. - Right. - Yeah, yeah. I got to drop the teacher off to vote. She, when did she start getting to vote? - They let you wear long pants. - Oh my goodness. - It's a lot of hair. So, but I'm just saying. - And those are probably some of the tamest things. - I was going to say, yeah, oh yeah. No, there's lots more stuff that I'm not going to say. But he witnessed, like he basically lived Forrest Gump's life as a bus driver. - Right. - You know what I mean? - There was a bus driver at the beginning of it. He's the, it was probably his story. - It's probably him. - It's probably him. - He went to the movie and went like, wait a minute. - It's all about that one weird kid I picked up? - That guy? - Yeah. - That kid ran all the way home. He got off the bus at the wrong stop and ran all the way home. - I just felt like runnin'. - With legs on his, with braces on his legs. But, but anyway, 85 years old. Listen, anybody can do something for 70 years and then retire. That's pretty badass, okay? But when-- - I want to know how big his route was. - Oh yeah, well. - 'Cause what if it was like, like a, was it one of those rule routes where you gotta go all over, you know, God's creation? Or did he literally just make like 12 left turns every day? Well, twice a day, 24 left turns. - Yeah. - For 70 some years. Yeah, real hard job, Ulysses. (laughing) - Yeah, make sure you come in and show someone real early how to do that. - Well, that's the whole thing. Like you said, you don't want to be that guy. When you're like, hey, you're driving Ulysses bus. I quit. - Yeah, right. - I quit. I'm not doing, I don't care if you pay $27 an hour. I'm not doing this stuff. You know, that's the other thing too. It's funny because outside my kid's school, they always have a bus out there that has a banner on it. It says hiring. Okay, so they're always hiring. And I think it says something like 19 bucks, whatever, whatever they start at. Here's a deal. That's not terrible. It's not great, but it's not terrible, but you're not working any hours. - Right. - You know, unless you're picking a few hours in the morning and a few hours in the afternoon or seven months of the year. - Or if there's a wrestling meet after school and you got to drive somebody 45 minutes away, then you got to sit there. Now, that's cool. You're getting paid for that. But do you really want to make that? I mean, at eight o'clock at night. - Do you really want to drive me? - So, but I'm just saying in 1954 it's probably totally different. Okay? - Yeah. - Totally different. - Can you imagine every time they gave them a new bus, he's like, I don't want to. - I want my old bus. - I want my old bus. (laughing) - Where's my diesel burning? - That's where the kids can't breathe. - Yeah. (laughing) - You can't breathe? - Everyone else has those really high, you know, padded seats. He's still using those low ones that kids fly over when he's shot short. - They're sitting on milk crates. That's all they're really doing. So, they can't get the seats reupholster 'cause nobody makes that stuff anymore. So, but no. - You know that was toxic, right? - Never did. Never did nothing to me. - Yeah. Don't put it in your mouth. - Yeah. - There's seven. - Yeah. - You have it. That's all they do. - That's all they do. That's really all they do. That's their thing too. What age in 54, he probably drove every age. - Right. - Okay. And then as you get older, he's driving, he's driving grade school kids or high school kids. You know what I mean? - Well. - At 85 years old, he ain't driving high school kids. - Well, there's no way. - Well, that, but he also drove like kids of kids of kids. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, and they're like, which one's the one you got? - I knew you're daddy. I don't like the way you said that. I don't appreciate it. (laughing) - Anyway, 85 years old. ♪ Let go of my history ♪ - Guys, buddy. - But he's coming back next year. - He's coming back. There he goes, but he's gonna be right back here to teach you how to do it his way. You know what's weird? - But he's coming back part time. - Yeah, but you know management was like, thank God he's gone. He's like, okay, here's what I'm telling you. Next year, I'm gonna be here when it starts. I'm gonna teach a new guy how to do this. You know, and everybody's just like, (sighing) - Yeah. - Just how to drive the bus. Keep all of your opinions. - Yeah. - All of your other things to yourself. - And stop telling stories. A guy that's 85 years old, he's got too many stories. - Yeah, too many stories and no filter. - You correct. - It's down here, it's coming in out here and no filter. - Right, right, right. That's what I'm saying. When you got kids coming on the bus that maybe don't look, act, or walk like kids that got on the bus in 1954, you gotta watch what you're saying. That's all I'm saying. - Did your mom ever stop having kids? Oh wow, stop it. (laughing) Stop it. Ulysses, come on. - Yeah. I know you're dead. I bet you don't, but I know you're dead. It's like, whoa, hold on here, buddy. - I never met my dad yet, it checks out. - I understand. All right, now we're gonna do a strange story that has an awesome title. I can't wait. - Are you ready? - A strange story. - Three, two. - A strange story? - That's how you do it, Mac. So you got quiet on the last one. All right, here's the title. I married a ghost named Eduardo who cheated on me. Then I adopted a possessed clown doll. - Where, how deep have you gone? - I don't know, I just know that I'm loving this. - I wanna sample that one. - Yeah, that's a pretty good one. - I know. - So, we'll do it one more time. I married a ghost named Eduardo who cheated on me. Then I adopted a possessed clown doll. A woman who says she married, then divorced a ghost has adopted a possessed clown doll. Okay, we got all that. But she says it made her ex jealous. Brocard, 40, tied the knot with a Victorian soldier spook Eduardo. Then split with him when she accused him of cheating, then stalking her. I got news for you. Isn't that what spirits do? They hang around you and talk you, right? Eduardo never woos at home. Like how do you know, right? Did you, did you just boo her? - Yeah. - Is she her boo? I thought I was your boo. - Yeah. So it says, oh, here's why. The singer's songwriter has now adopted a possessed clown after connecting in quotes with him when spending the night at a clown motel in Nevada. (laughing) Okay, they have a clown, here's what we learned. They have a clown motel in Nevada, okay? If we have a road trip to Nevada, that needs to happen. - That is the scariest hotel in the-- - It's gotta be. - In the continental United States. - Okay, but this chick went there and decided-- - This chick is bonkers. - Oh yeah, but she decided, not only am I not scared. - I hear a lot of things, bonkers is not on the list. - No, no. But it says she toured the USA with the clown doll and then returned home to Oxfordshire with it to conduct a paranormal investigation. - We are like Kramer in the contest. We will walk into that hotel, we will see our room, we will walk back to the lobby, slap the key down and say, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out. - Yeah. - Yeah, kind of like whenever a business idea, I'm gonna see what it's like to sit in your chair and be like, I'm out, I'm not, I'm not. - I'm like, you see how easy that is? Now you have no responsibilities where you can just leave. - See Billy, I don't get to sit, that's all goes. But it says, bro cards marriage to Victorian ghost ended in divorce, let's see here, but she says her ex Eduardo has become jealous and does not want the clown in the house, ghost magnet. Oh my gosh. - How does she know it's not the possessed doll that's flying around, she knows it's Eduardo that's tossing it. - What if the clown's freaking crazy and she's like, wait a minute, I got a freaky clown, but I think I got a freaky ex. - Yeah, what if, yeah, what if the movement of the clown around the house is Eduardo showing that clown some, you know, some, some downtown. - Oh. - Yeah, I'm thinking, yeah, I'm thinking Eduardo's got a thing for the clown. - Yeah, how do we know that she didn't bring the third party in herself? - Oh, I like what you're saying here. - So, yeah, I cheated on you, you brought in a sexy clown doll, that's on you. She's like, why is every pineapple in the fridge keep getting turned upside down? I don't understand. I gotta stop buying pineapples. I think they're obsessed too. But it says the ghost magnet, real card, encountered the possessed clown while touring the world, filming a series of haunted locations for her TV show pilot. - Mm, this sounds more suspicious. - Yeah, it sounds like she's trying to boost her TV show. - Wait, wait, wait, did you say boo, boo, TV show? Boo, yeah, that's what I said. She says that Eduardo has so far been placid. Placid with a P.L. - Yeah, I turned around was like, all right, hold on. - Yeah, we have a placid ghost. - Yeah, yeah, you think like they make a blue pill for a ghost. - Is it a blue pill? - Yeah. So it says with her communicating and with her spirits and the couple rarely make contact these days. But this unrested soul seems to be rattled at the thought of her bringing another ghost over the threshold. - I tell you what, the title, I thought was awesome. - Yeah. - So far, I don't know this lady. - So far, I want bad stuff to happen to her. - Well, so far, just us talking about it is the only positive thing about this story. - Correct, yeah, there's nothing. - Yeah, it's such a promise and you're like, oh, is this an M night Shyamalan thing? - 'Cause there's a twist. - The twist is it sucks. - There's a twist. She connected with the possessed clown doll after her marriage ended. She said, oh, she said, I quote, "I can instantly tell when Eduardo has a point to make. "His energy is very powerful. "His presence has been very manageable these days "and I only see him from time to time. "He does not like the clown though. "He watches him and I keep finding the clown by the door. "Suddly, it's not Eduardo's. "Suddly is not, they spelled it wrong. "Suddly is not Eduardo's strong point." - Does she have a cleaning lady? What if the cleaning lady's like, no. - Yeah, we don't like this and then just puts-- - That's all it is. - Just a subtle, just take this out. - You know what I noticed? Every time we vacuum, that thing is by the door. - Now, to be fair, I don't remember, I think my mom gave it to my sister. It was a really creepy doll and one year when we visited, when he didn't know that one of her doors was unlocked. - Oh. - So I kept, they would go somewhere and I would sneak in and I would move it and she couldn't figure it out and I never told her what door was unlocked to find the last day of, you know, this door's been unlocked the whole time. - What? - Yeah. - Yeah, this one, right here. - Boo. - You know, you have these weird two back doors? You never thought to check the one that no one uses, but the one I've been using? - Yeah. - Oh, she's like, wow, this doll keeps moving the rug and the shoes out of the way. I don't know what's happening. Yeah, it's really weird. I don't-- - Wild. - Crazy. - It's wild, crazy. So when it says he has nothing to be concerned about, as I have no intentions of marrying a clown ghost. - That's ludicrous, Mary, a clown ghost. I'm already married to a ghost. - That's ridiculous. - Oh, oh, no, this is great. The clown is here for research purposes only and I definitely don't need to get into a paranormal, paranormal love triangle. I don't even love that clown. We just work together. - I gotta be honest with you, this chick is bonkers and you're not even joking. - No. - Okay. But here's the deal. Is she just doing this stuff to plug her? - Oh, it's gotta be. - I mean, that's gotta be what it is, right? Like she's Elvira, weirdo of the dark. - I mean, at some point, she probably flipped a switch, started buying some of it. But it's because like, no one else, she just went, she just went bonkers. At one point, she's probably like, oh, this is cool stuff, I'm into it. And then one day, just also the switch flipped. And now it's like, well, now you have two ghosts in your house that you think are competing for your love. And it's just the wind, lady. - But it's weird. It's like, I wanted to get rid of that ghost. So I brought in this clown. - Yeah. - Turns out, I got two ghosts. - I got two ghosts. - It's got two, it's like Ricky Bobby. How do you get that knife out of your leg? Put the other knife in it. I got two knives in my leg. That's how it happens. - If you give him a mouse a cookie. - Yeah. - He'll bring home a clown ghost. - So it says, this is the next quote. "I know the clown is possessed." She knows, okay. So perhaps Eduardo has picked up on the bad energy and it's just looking out for me. Okay, look, this is a typical woman where she's saying, "Look, she's making excuses now for Eduardo." Okay. - Right. - Eduardo needs to go to the curb. Okay. - Right. - He needs to go to the curb. You get his stuff, all his clown stuff, no, he's the ghost stuff. He's the regular ghost. - Yeah, he's the regular ghost. - He's the regular ghost. - Right. - You get his regular ghost stuff. Clown can get his own stuff. But my point is, is it's like, don't make excuses on why he's acting the way he's acting. Okay. He's a punk. All right. He's a bad spook. - You just see her at the window. Her arms are flailing and like, oh, is that, is there a problem that lady? No, no, she's just throwing out her ghost husband's stuff. It's just littering the lawn now. - It's all. (laughing) - The neighbors see it all just like, no. - No. - Typical Thursday. - Yeah. - Eduardo's been doing stupid stuff again. - Oh my God, she's fighting with Eduardo again. (laughing) - Meanwhile, like a, like a, like a see through clown rolls up and is like, nice. (laughing) - So it says, I'm fascinated by the prospect of spirit vessels and haunted objects. It's a whole new world for me. So I'm trying to learn and absorb as much as possible. - And you can learn and absorb as much as possible too by going to, I married a clown. So I married a ghost and brought home a clown.com for only, and you can get every second DVDs for just 50 bucks a pop. - I'm gonna say, you know what's weird is that, the second clown, the second ghost is a. - The second ghost is 50 bucks pop. - 50 bucks pop. How do you do it, baby, Billy? I just want everyone to have a ghost at home. But I don't make nothing from it. Once I pay my, my ghost busters and my polter gas and my scientist, I don't make nothing. I make nothing. I do it for the people. (laughing) But, but I also, I picture, he's, he's the dude from, from last week where like the clown ghost goes, I'm gonna smack that ass. Okay, that's his wedding vows. She's like, listen, I know the clown's possessed, but you know what he said? - Yeah, and the priest is sitting there with the holy water too, like, (laughing) exercise the clown and the bible and be like, you got nothing? - Yeah. - You got nothing, 'cause I'm gonna use one of these. - Are you sure you're done? - I'm gonna use one of these. - Are you sure? - Right now, I'll tell you which way I'm leaning. - Yeah. - Prepare to burn. - Yeah. But that's why I've enjoyed filming this series so much that I'm meeting people who've had fascinating ghost adventures, not unlike myself. - And you can find out about it, am I going to? - That I'm sure that's gotta be coming. It's gotta be coming. On a trip to a famous clown motel, broke hard, instantly gravitated towards the clown and connected with it due to their love of theater and performing kid. - Out of here. - Okay, listen. - I put up with a lot of stuff and I usually respect a lot of people, but if someone said that to me, we're in a room, wordlessly, without noise, I would stand up, grab my hat, if I did not have a hat. I would fashion a hat out of something in that room, put it upon my head and walk out. - Good day. - And, yeah, I might do that, either pop back in and good day that way or as I'm going by the window outside, just good day. - It's exactly what I'm saying. So here's a deal. She can't have one friend because if she has one friend, that one friend's gotta be like, she doesn't have a true friend 'cause the true friend would be like, you bonkers. - You're wackadoo. - Yeah, you need to stop. - You are at a notch. I don't know if you can take it down. That's how far notches you are. Fake friends would be like, so do I get an executive producer role in the show or what are we doing? You know what I mean? They would be there just to get on the show, which is never happening, by the way. - Oh, no, no. No, because first off, I only know about Brocard from reading this. I don't have any idea who she is. - And if anyone would have seen the show, it's your household. - Correct, yeah. I would have, I would have. - Well, you and you probably would have asked Chad Daniels about it. (laughing) - So tell me, do you ever watch that one about the girl? - The Meredith clown. - I don't really watch any TV. - Well, do you watch the one about? - Yeah. - The girl on the clown? - What about the clown? - The ghost clown? - Have you been to the hotel? Have you ever worked there? - You've been in Nevada? (laughing) So it says Eduardo, her ghost acts as jealous of the clown ghost. She says the spirit trapped inside the clown immediately revealed to Brocard that he was a carnival clown and that he was a tortured soul who spent his days performing for audiences that didn't care and ridiculed him for not being funny. - There's his first problem. You got a clown that's not funny. He had a clown. - Yeah, you got a clown that just sits there and is like, ♪ Dit, dit, dit, dit, dit, dit, dit, dit, dit, dit ♪ - You better stop that clown. - Yeah, here's a deal. You got a clown that's not funny, two things. It's either John Wayne Gacy. - Right. - Okay, or what's the guy that gets out of your brain? - Yeah, the guy in the dream with the balloon. It's that guy, okay? Those are the two clowns that don't bring joy to anybody. - When you bring home John Wayne Pennywise, that's a problem. - And then you marry him? - Yeah, we're all ghosts down here. Get out of here. - I'm out, that's all I'm saying. - When I connected with spirits, it's often their emotions that I connect with first. Sometimes an unrested spirit attached itself to a physical entity. In this case, this clown doll had once been owned or come to contact with a man who worked as a clown, she said. How does she know this? - She also believes that there's a ghost in her house jealous of this gross doll. - And his name's Eduardo. - Eduardo. - Eduardo, you know, if your name's Eduardo, don't haunt anybody. You're gonna get made fun of. - Eduardo. - Yeah, this man was tortured by his dreams of stardom but was condemned to life in the carnival where he was under-appreciated. - I feel like this woman just had a really bad like intestinal problem and just had to name her farts at one point and really had to steer deep into it. - That was Eduardo. - What was that? Oh, that's just my husband Eduardo. He's a ghost. - That's Eduardo. - It smells like the dinner we had last night. - He's suspiciously spells like Mariska's, which we had for lunch. - He smells like a casco rotisserie chicken. - He smells like half a rotisserie chicken. - And beef sticks, okay? - You could really taste the beef sticks. (laughing) - Just a hint of beef sticks. Just a soup song of beef sticks. Look, open your mouth. Beef stick, do you know what I'm saying? - Yeah, do a little lip smack. - Yeah, do a little lip smack, you know. - Meanwhile, the clown is not turned into a mime doing the sad, like, rub it in time. (laughing) - No. And it's mocking her. It's like, when did I get in the crosswalk? - Yeah, this led to 50% reduction in marriages. - This is really taking a turn. - This is really taking a turn. So anyway, this kind of wraps it up here. The motel, she said the motel is fascinating. As many murders have been reported on the site over the years. - Okay, so mimes reduce murders in intersections, clowns raise them in hotels. - That's what I've taken away from this whole show. - It's kind of weird. - It's a, hey. - Don't be in a hot box after you've eaten beef sticks. - Check some balances. Check some balances. Yeah. Yeah. - Oh yeah, so you're saying if we were to zoomed out that mime experiment was totally worthless. - Yeah, 'cause the clowns wiped up the positives. - What we learned was when you house. (laughing) You house the half a Costco chicken. Eduardo's fart smell awful, okay? That's what we learned. So it's believed that a lot of ghosts still live there and some have possessed the clowns in the museum. The clowns have been donated from all over the world. Here's the deal. Somebody went, this thing's psycho, get it out of my house. All this guy in Vegas, he wants them all. - Yeah. - Here you go. - Right. - Okay, so I wanna see if there's anywhere. Okay, here we're gonna go at the end. To find out more about Brocard, visit brocard.com. She has her own last name.com. She will soon launch a clown cam so people can keep up to date on her adoption. - Okay, listen. - I said good day. (laughing) Where can they find us, dad? - You can find us wanting the Costco. - I can't top that. - You can find us at checksout.net, all the socials at checksout. WDT stands for with Damon and Ted. Don't forget, come on down to here to audio hi. Podcasting studio, Dr. Brian Center for your own podcast. He is our audio producer owns the place. He runs the joint. We just bring the funny. That's how it works. That checks out as a TCO production produced by Damon and Ted, that's us. We'll catch you next time. - You do need to let him know if you want to start and stop on the button. You've got to tell him to choose to. - You've got to tell him, he's got to know that. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) [BLANK_AUDIO]