Afternoon Live TV Show invited me on to help viewers learn the signs of master manipulators, con artist and scammers. "After learning that her friend was actually a con artist, she set out to learn more about master manipulators so she could help others avoid getting conned. Trauma-informed coach Shannon Kaiser, author of, "Find Your Happy", shares how we can all protect ourselves from falling victim.
The Awakened & Aligned Podcast with Shannon Kaiser
How to Spot a Master Manipulator, Scammer, or Con Artists (Afternoon Live Interview)
- After a new life, after learning that her friend was actually a professional con artist, our next guest set out to learn more about these master manipulators to help prevent others from falling victim. Here to share how we can all protect ourselves, we welcome back trauma-informed coach and the author of "Find Your Happy" Shannon Kaiser. It's great to see you again. - It's so good to be back. - I really appreciate you sharing these stories about what you've been through 'cause it's tough to relive. - Yeah, it's healing in a fact because I don't ever want anyone to experience what I went through and so it's become very therapeutic because I did learn so much through personal experience, but then also all the education afterwards and we have to talk about it. I wanna protect other people. - Yeah, that's really lovely. Can you give us a brief rundown on this person who entered your life as much as that was a brand new bestie and then it just turned out to be kind of a nightmare? - A nightmare. I think this is what's interesting. We feel like maybe con artists or master manipulators are far off, at least I did. I was like, oh, they're on the internet in some other country. But no, they're actually in our neighborhoods. They become best friends with us and this person actually targeted me to become basically with the sole goal to steal and take as much as they could. They faked the entire friendship. And it's interesting because they invested time. We were hanging out talking daily. I really thought this would be a friend for a lifetime and interesting enough though, as soon as the con kind of happened and they got what they wanted, they disappeared and I started to recognize there were signs along the way. Not only that, I started eventually when I dated again, I went back on the apps. I met someone else who was in the romantic kind of space and they were doing the same tactics. So whether it's a financial fraudster, trying to steal money or it's someone who's trying to get you to fall in love with them quickly, a master manipulator is a master manipulator and they even had some of the same lines. And I thought, are they studying out of the same book? And I was like, but what happens is these master manipulators it's actually interesting. With my research, I started to understand because I've had personal experience with them. Not only do they come in, but their brains function differently. So they kind of fall under what's called the dark triad. So what we're talking about today is not like your friend who's like trying to manipulate you gently into seeing the movie she wants to see. We're talking about the people who are literally coming after you, the dark triads included narcissism, sociopaths and Machiavellianism. And with that, I've had, unfortunately, a lot of experience with these types of people. And how you know is there's a lack of empathy. They really take, there's this insidious kind of they, there's a lack of empathy, but they know how to fake it. But then also they come in with these tactics that we'll talk about today. But there's, it's always for a personal game. These type of people really, and it can make up to 10 to 20% of the population. So that means one out of 10 people are going to see them. But they come in and they see people as an end to a meme whereas, you know, me and you, we might see people as like, they are an end. We want to get to know them, we want to invest. And that's a big difference. - Yeah. Let's run through some of these quickly before we run out of time. - Yeah. - Okay. Number one, fast moving relationship. - Fast moving relationships are important. So the goal with the con artist or master manipulators to build trust, and they can't keep up the facade of the mask they're wearing very long. So they're going to come in and what they call love bomb, and they're going to trick you. And they get you to drop your guard fast with all the people that I've had experience with who are trying to con. They specifically dive into your life really fast and kind of pretend. So something to look out for. One of the ways they do this is mirroring. It's a tactic where they will, I even call my brother both times. And I was like, I think I'm at the male version of me. They like the same music. They like, even when you're sitting next to them, they'll sit like you. Or they'll be like, I have that same ring you had. And these are the tactics that they do because they want to make you think that I'm with you. But it's all a lie. It's all a lie. - Tell me about future faking. - Future faking is where they will promise you something in the future in order to get something now. So with me, both situations, they knew I love to travel. The con artist would send me. So interesting, he kind of conned in the business. He came in to be a business partner, build up trust as a friend. I'm like, I hire my friend to help me. When he sent me the papers for a contractor to be contractor, he also simultaneously, the same day, sent me pictures of Thailand, Airbnb's we would stay. So I didn't recognize that the W-2s and stuff that he sent me were completely false, the website was false. So that it's a trick to kind of distract you. - For sure, okay, save your complex. - Yeah, this is something the victim mentality. Every master manipulator plays off of sympathy. So everyone I've known, and they mysteriously lose their job. They need help. They need a place to live. They always have something that's happened to them and they're a victim. And they love people like us with huge hearts and they will play off of that because they know that you're going to help and you won't question because it's good to want to help people. But it's all a master manipulation to steal, cheat, lie, get what they want. - Yeah, your instincts of empathy will end up maybe getting you into trouble, okay? - Yeah, and that's where disturbance really important. To really kind of have disturbance and recognize we're not, as a recovered people pleaser, I used to want to help people and save. It's not our job to do that. Let people deal with their own consequences and have boundaries. - That's a great point. Let's get to one more here, triangulation. - I'm so glad we get to talk about this one. Triangulation is one of my favorites because it happens so often where they often bring in someone else in the relationship, even just talking about it. They'd be like, oh, my ex would always do this. Why don't you do that? Or they always kind of make you feel like you're in competition. So you're always trying to, in your mind, subtly trying to prove yourself, I'm worthy of your love or whatever it may be. And it's all manipulation. Sometimes you've never even met this person most of the times you haven't. - Okay, yeah. - When we talked about in the beginning that these people seek out somebody with a kind heart and you just have to kind of-- - I think it's important to talk about the people they really feed off of, and this is when I started doing the research chapter and took a class with the FBI and they talk about how to spot a liar. It is people who give second chances, people who are often very want to approval or have been taught to basically forgive people fast and then also people who aren't empathetic and really want to help the world and just make the world a better place. - It's good to know. You've got to keep-- - Protect yourself. - Keep your eyes open. - That's what we're doing. - Thank you so much, it was great seeing you again. - Me too. - Again, Shannon's book is "Find Your Happy." We'll have more information, including other signs to look for on our website at KATU.com.