Shannon Kaiser, motivational speaker and inspirational author takes people through mental blocks that are keeping them from what they want. Make 2012 your best year yet with these foolproof tips.
The Awakened & Aligned Podcast with Shannon Kaiser
Happy New Year Happy New You Lecture & Workshop
And we are doing a recording too, so after the event today, I know some of you may have to leave early, I will send the recording to you guys and you'll be able to access this information for the rest of your life, so we'll go there. Let's get into it. So about 15 years ago I took a self-help course from the pursuit of excellence, and the thing I took away was that you always have enough time, money, and energy for what is most important to you. So there's very much value in your time today. You guys have showed up. You showed up for yourself. You guys are here to make a difference in your life and those around you. I honor you guys for that. So this is a really great thing, because there's a lot of chaos going on out in the world and there's a lot of things, and we don't have control over that. But what we have control over is us. So thank you for coming. Kudos to that if you were your cat on the back. Before we get into everything, I'd just like to reflect on the week. How was your week? Did you guys have a good week? Just like a weekend review. Kind of highlights. Did you, I love weeks like that, achieved a lot of things, great. I always try to achieve a lot of things, too. My week was pretty good. On Wednesday, it was actually really chaotic. I woke up the night before I had gotten in an argument with my boyfriend, and he left, and my boyfriend of one year and I, when I woke up, I had a message that said, "I don't think we should be together anymore," and I was finding myself single the first time in a year when I wanted to be in a relationship, a fulfilling relationship, I was sitting there single. And on top of that, I had a really bad cold. Now this was one of the cold that it swipes you out of existence because it comes on like a freight train. You don't feel it coming on. You wake up and you feel like you've been hit by a truck. I think all of us have probably had a cold lately because it's going around, and my head was pounding, but on top of the pounding where I live, I rent a studio space, and the people above me are putting in a wood floor, which is like a constant bit, non-stop thing. On top of my call, then my new single, Sad Self, and it was just chaotic. I work from home. I'm a writer. I was trying to meet my deadlines and work on my articles, but when I was able to do it, I needed a mental moment. I said, "I can't take it. It's pounding, all I want." So I stopped and I stepped aside to pet my dog, my little saving grace. And he was soaking wet, and he hadn't even been outside yet, and I said, "What?" And I realized as I kneeled down on the floor to touch him, my G's were soaking wet. And I looked at the carpet and all around me, the carpet had turned a different color because the rain from outside was now coming into my apartment, and it was chaotic. It was a mess. And my mom came and said, she started laughing, she's like, "In a pleasant way, I have no idea how you think that you can get work done today with the pounding and the craziness." And I realized in that moment, I was able to meet my deadlines, and I felt peace. I was happy with everything going on in all of the crazy circumstances I felt at peace. And that's really what happiness is about as you touched on. Happiness is not jumping from cloud to cloud and having unicorns frolic with us and having a permigrain all the time. True authentic happiness is being able to be happy in the down times of life, too. And that's why we're all here today, because we know that, and we want to make sure that we can weather out the storms together. And what I'm going to take you through today is eight steps. We're going to do workshops, I'm going to lecture a little bit. It's going to be really fun. And we're going to get into the things that are stopping us from what we really want in life. That's why we're here. It's the New Year, Happy New Year, Happy New Us. Before we really get into it, I always like to start my lectures and workshops with a little bit about me. I have some new faces and some friendly faces. Hello. And I'm Shannon, as I told you, and I'm a travel writer, I do a lot of coaching and speaking about happiness and how to find your happiness, because the truth is I haven't always been this happy of a girl. I went to the majority of my life living in a very different state. I lived in Chicago. I was working in an advertising agency that a big giant, the top ad agency in the world getting sent all around to work on some of the top clients in the world, Pepsi and Doritos. And it seemed really glamorous. I lived in a loft, giant loft, three blocks south this year's tower. I had a man who wanted to marry me. I was getting promotions every six months, five, ten thousand dollars. It seems like I had made it. At 24, I was like, I had made it, except for with every new promotion, I was crashing on the floor. I had to like cry at night thinking that it was normal to cry yourself to sleep. I was in a deep depression. I didn't know that I was in a depression. The truth is over 18 million people are depressed in America right now, and only 75% of them are seeking help or know that they're really depressed. That's a huge epidemic, and it's because of fear. We are in a state of entering into 2012. They say the Mayan calendar, this is the year that the world goes up, right? They say that there's a lot of craziness going on, and we see it Oregon is flooding. But I'd like to invite you guys. What I noticed this week with the flooding is I took it as a metaphor, washing away the things that aren't working for me anymore. The old beliefs with the relationship, we worked it out, we're back together. The old beliefs that aren't serving me or him or anyone else anymore, and I'd like to invite you guys and challenge you guys to take on that today as we step through into the new us. We're perfect the way we are. Everything is great. But there's always room for looking at the areas of our life, shining a little light on it, and making it even better. I didn't know how to do that, and I lived in a place of constant fear. It was because I wasn't in a career that I could relate to. I was a very creative person. I was a graphic designer, but it was hard for me to relate to the type of environment of corporate. I always knew that I wanted to be a writer, but I didn't really know when I was stuck in the fear. It wasn't until one day I was at work, and one of my co-workers, he was the psychology of advertising resident, and he was very, very smart, he's tagging up his picture of him and his engagement photo of him in his beautiful new life, and he looked over at me and he said, "Shannon, do you ever know, notice that what people put up in their cubicle is a reflection of what they care most about in the world?" It makes sense, and I said, "Well, yeah, that's a great observation." I looked around in every single other cubicle, in the whole office of the agency, had pictures of beautiful little babies, chubby little cheeks, homes they just purchased, loved ones, fiances, family members, and I lived in my cubicle, and I didn't see any people. What I saw was places, postcards, places I wanted to go, bucket lists, things that I wanted to do. It wasn't until that moment I realized that I want to be a travel rider, because I was already riding, but my purpose and what I really want to do is share my experiences with others, and that's exactly why we're here today, too. So I took my life from negative to positive, and over the past three years I've been in a deep self-study of really understanding who I am and what I want, and what I want to do is make a difference for other people and help them achieve their happiness, because I know what it's like. When I was in that dark place, I went through a stream of addictions, food addictions, eating addictions, boys addictions, it got so bad that I was addicted to drugs, and I sit here in front of you guys to tell you that I had to get through that to get to the other side. So we're here today to turn our crappy to super happy. So let's begin. I'm going to invite all of you guys to close your eyes for a moment. We are going to take a mini journey about a year into our future, and there is our future self greeting us. Your future self is looking at you and smiling. They reach out their hands to embrace you and say life is so great here. You have done everything to make this life amazing. Your future self is smiling, you feel the love, you feel the joy. All of the dreams that you're putting into motion, right now, have been realized and then subbed. Your future self has a message for you, and when you quiet your minds and look at your future self in the eyes, what does it say? The first thing that you hear is the message that you need to receive, and this is the message that can help you get to where you want to go, because your future self knows you better than you know yourself right now, believe it or not. Your future self is rooting for you, they're happy, and they say come on, let's do it. Go ahead and open your eyes when you're ready. I love doing the future self work. I do that when I get really stressed out, and a lot of times my future self says things like forgive him or you're beautiful or just let it go or things that I really need to hear in the moment. It's like our heart speaking to us, it's kind of that intuition really guiding us. It's a really nice exercise. So as I said, you all have, we'll get right into it today, we all have a little worksheet in front of us, and on the front here it talks about what we are going to do, which you may have seen the pamphlet and you may have read that what we're really going to do is get clear about our goals today. We're going to do some work, we're going to get clear so we can accomplish them, because if you don't know what you want, you can't get to where you want to go. We may think we know what we want today, but we're going to dive even deeper. We are going all of these tips that I'm taking you through are full proof techniques, and they're going to help us manifest those dreams that we really really want, those goals, whatever it is that's holding a stack, we're going to bust through it. It really are today. It's very exciting. And we are going to design a plan to have a rewarding, fulfilling life at every moment. It's going to be great. Any questions so far? We have this paper on the right, scratch paper for you guys, and on the back of the bookbook, we have a note page as well, so you can take this with you. And this is your guide. This is kind of our blueprint for the day. So to start off with, when I was suffering in a place of fear and not understanding what I really wanted or needed to get myself out of a depression, I had to face the reality that, where I was, in order to get to where we want to go, we have to accept where we are. And that's what we're doing today. So a lot of times, you know, we're kind of an autopilot, especially people, busy bodies, we're in corporate, and we're just like, got to keep going, got to keep going. But we have to stop and say, "This is not working for me anymore." And it's not until we do that, can we start to really kind of tweak it and address it. So the very first thing that I did, and the very first thing we can do at any moment, is be thankful, be in a place of feeling gratitude. Just a few weeks ago, just about a month ago, I was in a state of, I had some clients who, I do freelance design still, and I was waiting for a deadline, and I wasn't getting paid. It was like three months past due, and a lot of chaos was going on, you know, it was really crazy. I fell asleep, and before I fell asleep, it was the first time that I decided I'm going to try something new. Because normally I would go to bed thinking about all the things that didn't happen that day that I had hoped to happen, you know, as an entrepreneur, we're always trying to push, push, push. We're like, "It's got to happen, and I want this to happen." This person didn't call back and, "Oh my gosh, we're fighting," and whatever it just goes and goes and goes, and I got to a point where I said, "You know, I've been trying to work out more. Today I worked out for 20 minutes, I said 10 minutes, you know, little, maybe steps." And I thought about, "Okay, I drank more water today." I said nice things to people around me, and I thought about the things that were good, but I did something different. I focused on what I wanted my next day to be like. It was an exercise, but I pictured my day being a perfect 10. What would that look like? And I fell asleep thinking, "Well, I'll wake up, I'll have a lot of energy." And I went through in my head thinking about how that would be, because it was opposite of where I was. So instead of thinking and holding the energy of where I was, I really put myself into what I wanted. They say our imagination is our best tool for happiness. I love that because it's true. You can picture and dream anything you want, and when you do that, you make it a reality. And so the truth is, I fell asleep, I woke up the next morning, and I had checked in the mail for more than I thought it was worth. I woke up an hour early with more energy before I even got up to push my snooze button. And I went to the gym, and I had a great workout, and the whole day flowed, and I was like, "I had a 10! Today was a 10!" And so I encourage you guys to do that, try falling asleep in a space of love and holding the energy of what is really important to you and how you want your tomorrow to go. So watch what miracles happen. They will happen, and they'll show up for you. It'll be amazing. But part of that is being thankful when things are out of control in our life, our boss isn't giving us a raise or whatever it is that's bothering us in the moment. We tend to focus on that, but when we pause and we focus on the things that we are thankful for, we can be in a state of gratitude and get there faster, get to where we want to go. And I did this. When I was at Sachi in Chicago in the ad agency, I was in a place where I didn't like the clients I worked on because they won't let me do certain things, it's very corporate, and my boss was a new boss, and the people I worked with were bullies, and it was just like just kept going. And so I walked into work thinking, "Okay, well, I'm very thankful that I live in a beautiful city. I'm thankful that I can afford the place that I live." And I started to just rack through the things that really were working for me. So we're going to start right now. We're going to do that. We're going to do a two-minute free write, and we're going to make a gratitude list. I'm going to set the timer, and I'll do it with you, and we're going to write out what we're thankful for. It'll put us in a really good state. So go ahead and get your paper, and you just let your mind go. You don't need to edit, and don't worry about anyone looking at your paper, this is for you. I'm thankful for. Okay, and you can begin now. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Good. Thank you. Okay, you have about 10 more seconds. Okay, great. Let's go a little exercise. I like doing that, and I used to do it for 10 minutes a day. Really helped. And if you surprised at 10 minutes every day, I found more and more things to be thankful for. It's really great. How do you guys feel after just doing that? I need more time. Yeah. I know, right? More time. I don't know if my car is a fire. That's exactly it. I've gone to the point where I'm so thankful for my Starbucks and the coffee and the logo on it. And it's like, it's very intricate, but everything, it can be a magic moment. I'd like to invite you guys to share with the person next to you. Maybe the top, what came up for you and that, and maybe your top things you're really thankful for. And if you came with someone and you want to share with them, that's great. I can share with you. Yeah, go for it. Yeah, you can just kind of be a group. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can make sure you guys all get a chance. We'll come back to the circle. I loved seeing the smiles. Everyone was smiling when they were sharing and hugging and it was great. Yeah. Does anyone want to share what they're thankful for out loud? Yeah. Great. That's nice. Thank you for sharing. Appreciate it. Anyone else? And they have a flat wow. Oh, very good. Thankful for our dogs and our pets, right? Definitely. It's like saving grace to us. Okay. That's so great. Thank you. That's exactly it. The life experiences make us who we are and we can celebrate all of them. That's really great. So I have this thing I call it. My peaceful pack. Kind of like you. I'm an explorer and I like backpacking and traveling. So I have a back pack of imaginary backpacks. And any time I feel stressed out or overwhelmed with life, I reach into that serenity pack, that peaceful pack and pull out one of these tools. And that's our first tool. Be thankful. Okay. What am I thankful for? Instantly. We're all smiling now. We all feel really good. So it's a good place to be. And if all else fails, just be thankful. And that's what I have here on our worksheet. We have the peaceful pack is if you just feel overwhelmed, you just kind of, just, you don't have to write it down every time. Sometimes I just fall asleep thinking the universe for everything I have, it's really a nice place to just wake up and you feel just as ingratitude, it's really nice. So the next one, move on to tool number two. This is one of the most important and this is one of my favorites and I talk about this a lot. I'm focused on what you want. There's so many times we as humans, we have this dialogue in our head. It's a racket. I call it a racket. It's like, oh, this doesn't look good today or oh, this, this, it's our complaining mode. It's that voice that is always with us, the ego, you know, there's the complaining self. A lot of times I like to call it nickname it, you know, that's bratty Shannon. She comes up when she's angry or hungry, right? And that voice tells us what we, it is so clear about what we don't want. I don't want to work at this job anymore. I don't want to be in a relationship where I find I don't want to be fat. Whatever it is, I don't want, I don't want and one of my favorite things is Oprah did a whole special on this just a couple of weeks ago and she said it's very good to know what you don't want because it helps you get clear about what you want. But the problem, I take it a step further. The problem is we spend so much time not even realizing it but subconsciously dialoguing and focusing on what we don't want because we know what we don't want. The trick is to not focus on it and shift your focus towards what you want. When I did this, as you know, I spent a lot of time in advertising hating everything about it but I'm still able to be creative, I'm still able to do what I liked but for some reason I was so gung-ho on just I don't like this, I'm depressed, I can't stand this and it turned out whereas when I finally focused on what I want, I want to be a travel rider, shift in the mind did things really start happening for me. I started meeting editors of papers out of the blue. I started getting sent on assignments to go cover locations. It's like the dream wasn't focused because I was focusing on it and I didn't have to do anything else except for shift, my focus to what I want. So, so important. So a lot of us focus on what we don't want and that's what we're here today. We're really here to focus on what we want for 2012 because this is going to be the best year of our life and what we learn, we're going to take it with us and we're going to have the best life every year will be better than the last year. That's how I live my life now. Every single year is a perfect 10 and same thing with every day. So we're going to start, we're going to get into it right now and I'm going to ask each one of you and if you feel comfortable, you can answer out loud or you can just write it down. Other people share, but when do you feel most like yourself? [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] Very great. That's nice. Thank you for sharing. It's great. Well, for me, I love, I feel most like myself when I'm traveling. I really do. And I love to cook too, so I find that I like to cook a lot and I feel most like myself when I'm doing those and they're two totally opposite things. It's not always a thing, it could be an observation or something you experience in the joy of someone else seeing them come to their health and their wellness. Anyone else want to share? [inaudible] [inaudible] That's great. I'd like to invite all of you guys to just take a moment and write down things that could be your favorite hobbies. It could be when you're hanging out with your children, your pet, or something that you love doing. [inaudible] If you get to a place of thinking about what you really love, I love thinking about this is when I might yourself. Because when you kind of dissect it and peel back the layers of what that activity or what that thing is, you'll see that it includes all of your core values and all of the things that make you who you really are. So now we're going to do a little work on figuring out what our core values are, but you'll know. It's what you value most in life, friends, family. I'm now talking about security and money, I'm talking about going deeper, the things that really make you, you, and it's going to be different for everyone in the whole entire world. So, for example, I love to travel and I did an exercise to really figure out what are my values and what are my core beliefs as a person, as Shannon. I love exploration. I have to be creative, travel writing fulfills that need. And I love people. I genuinely love people and meeting people from all cultures all around the world helps me learn more about the world and myself. And I'm a learner and I value education. So that need to travel fits all four of those core beliefs and those values of what makes me, so when we get really clear and dig deeper about what we value in life, we can just take a couple moments to try to think about that. Just think about your activity and dissect. Well, what does that activity or that hobby or that event provide for you? [BLANK_AUDIO] [BLANK_AUDIO] [BLANK_AUDIO] [BLANK_AUDIO] [BLANK_AUDIO] [BLANK_AUDIO] [BLANK_AUDIO] [BLANK_AUDIO] [BLANK_AUDIO] [BLANK_AUDIO] This is a really good exercise to do with any activity that brings you joy. Anything in your life that you really love and when we understand what the values are that are underneath, what our driving needs are that are underneath, the things we get to know and understand why we do what we do and when we feel the most joy in our life. And the trick and the goal is to really add more of that in your life. If you can't travel every day or I will go explore a new route to get somewhere, even if I'm going to my best friend's house, I'll use that exploration. So it's using the needs that you have and making sure they're getting met in ways every day. It's a very applicable way to get closer to feeling peace and feeling happy as a person. So from there, what I really like to do is when we focus on what we want, there's a lot of buckets in our life. There's career, there's relationships, there's finances, there's personal. And I think the four main ones are really health, relationship, career and personal. Those are really the four main buckets. So I think for today's purposes, we have probably an area in our life that might not be working as well as we want it to. And we can focus on that. So I'd like to invite you guys to look at your career, look at your personal relationship with yourself and your personal relationship with those closest to you, and your relationships and your health. And look at each one and see if there's an area that really pops up like here is a goal. Here is what I want in this area. If you want to make more money, don't just say I want to make more money, say I want to double my income by this date. Be very specific with these goals. And so we'll spend a little bit of time just going through and maybe your career is awesome. But your personal relationship is not. Or maybe your health, you feel so alive, but your career. There's always going to be one area that you feel you might need to work on a little bit more. So we're just going to take a moment to really focus on what we want. And we're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. 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We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. Does anyone want to share what they want? Or at least what bucket it's in? Great. Great. Great. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. We're going to write these goals out. That's great. That's a really good one. Thank you for sharing. Anyone else? A lot of the times what we want, it's really personal. You can kind of hold onto it, which is totally great. It's really about getting clear about what you want. But when we can enroll the people in our lives, especially with the people we live with, and the people we share our beds with, that's when we see the biggest transformation. Because when you share, you don't have to share now, but what I'm saying is when you do share, there's an energy that gets, they want to support you. They want to see you grow, and they want to see you be as happy as you possibly can be. So I invite all you guys to share. I did this with my family a while ago, like last October. We did a list, and we shared what we wanted. And it was really powerful, and it was totally optional. It was, you know, if you wanted to. But to share, I knew then what the people closest to me in my life cared most about for them, and what they really wanted to see transformation, where they wanted to see their growth. It was pretty powerful. And also I'd like to invite you, when you look at your goals, make them in the present text. So I won't mind, I want to, but we can change it to, I am. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I am 15 pounds lighter by A15 this year. Great, great, great, great, great. That's really good. I love it. So when you say I am, and you read your goal, like I actually put them on sticky notes, and I put it, I mean my place looks like a crazy person because I got all these mantras and everything everywhere, but it's like I am, you know, whatever the goal is for that day. But when you say it, you feel it, versus I want, because you're always wanting something, remember. So when you really put your goals into the action in the present tense, you will find that they will come true faster, which is really great too. So we have a goal that we want to move forward with, and there's probably three or four that you really want to take forward into 2012. And once you focus on them, they may come true so fast that you're going to have to keep making goals, which is really the awesome part of doing that. And so for the peaceful tip here, when we really focus on what we want, I like to tell people, don't complain. I mean, you know, we all have a victim voice, and we all have that voice in our head. I could have easily complained the other day about the water, about the banging, about the breakup, all that stuff. But don't complain because it keeps you from what you want. It's like this big barrier, this big kind of force field, because you're telling people about what you don't want by complaining. So if we can practice for 30 days, imagine if we all agree right here, for 30 days we won't complain about anything. How cool would that be? I noticed all you guys walked in here with a smile, and I noticed that none of you complained about the rain, so I think we're already there. It's really good. So it's good. The next one, which is a really, really big one. Tip number three, we are going to face our fear. This is what keeps people from getting what they want. Because it's all great that we made this list and we know what we want, but now we're diving even deeper. There's a lot of main fears, a lot of fears that keep us from what we really want. And so we're going to look about the list we just made, and I'm going to ask each one of you, answer out loud if you'd like, or answer in your head, think about what you really want, and ask yourself why you don't have it. Go ahead and take a moment and write those down. Why don't you have what you want? And actually, if you guys separate your column, we'll make a column here. And on the left side, or we'll do it on the left side, reasons I don't have what I want. So you just put on the left side. [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] Sometimes the list is really long, and sometimes it's not very long, but we can keep writing. There's always reasons we don't have what we want, and when we get clear about those reasons, we can get closer to moving towards our ultimate goal. I have a motivational mantra album, and I'm going to play one of the mantras for you guys. It's an audio, it's an audio tape, and it's going to help us focus on what we want. So we'll just take a moment, and we'll do that. After we just wrote all our reasons, we're probably in a state of, oh, I don't, this is stopping me from what I want, this is keeping me from where I really want to go. So we're going to step right back into the place of focusing on what we want. 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