Welcome back to the fab fatties. My name is Rebecca Alyssa Ali and we go by she her pronouns and today We have a very special guest. We have Sebastian canelli coming on He is a New York based comedian and actor co-host of the loud about nothing podcast and a vibrant presence on Instagram with his viral takes on a wide range of topics including witch chain restaurants He'd like to fuck marrying kill. Sorry. Not sorry Applebee's you got to go and dating advice and roast for his co-host Robbie Preheat the oven with his blend of humor and insight Sebastian offers a unique perspective on life and we're thrilled to have him join us today to share his experiences of navigating the world as a fat guy Hey Sebastian welcome to the fab fatties. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here I'm so excited to officially be a fatty today You're not even just a fatty you are an official fab fatty, so I hope you feel that deep into your We just get a little fancy and a little real Fancy and looked at me and said no, I'm not fancy. I get a little fancy. They get a little fab in other ways That's all good. Okay, you get fancy. I'm so sorry. I looked at you in that way. We get fab in other ways I'm not wearing a bra today, so I feel super fabulous. She's free in the nipple all over the place. I really I mean, there you go This is my Olympics. We're gonna see how how much weight my shoulders can hold today. Well, we rapid fired you with some really weird facts about us and now we're gonna rapid fire you with some questions and it's just gonna be like a little lightning round of Questions you want to get your real quick? Responses and no pressure, but you do do improv. So we have high expectations No pressure at all we do. Okay. Okay on my way here was Watching your short about fuck Mary kill chain restaurants And I do have a little bone to pick in the fact that you Question at all you included Applebee's and cheesecake factory in the same category and to me they just exist worlds apart Interesting, but my fuck Mary kill is If you were at the cheesecake factory, which you love you would you would in fact marry the cheesecake factory. Yes fuck Mary kill Main entrees appetizers or the cheesecakes. I need to know where we're the ranking. Okay, you're not gonna like this I'm going to kill cheesecake because I do not like cheesecake That's how good. I think the cheesecake factory is that I don't like cheesecake and I still like the cheesecake factory This interviews over Everything I need to know about you and this is over. I just said you were a fatty Fat fatty, okay, and you don't like cheesecake bad fatty. I am there's a couple things that I'm a bad I'm a bad fat person. I also don't like cream cheese or ranch Okay, ranch I can get with even as southern girls I can get with cream cheese. I can't even if I know it's in the recipe I can't do it you live in New York. You don't get a bagel and cream cheese Never well never well. Let's find out who you're fucking in who you're marrying them amazing up So who who am I marrying? unlimited free refills of coke zero Because it's always there when I need it. It makes me feel good. It doesn't hold me down. It keeps me lights. They're there It's just effervescent and slowly through my veins. I could do anything after a bunch of coke zeros Person I feel that I would probably fuck the nachos We have we have this place like right around the corner from the studio here It's called Midwood smokehouse and they have some amazing barbecue nachos and Rebecca is constantly like so after this nachos She went on like a five-month vendor where it was like every time we've recorded She's like we're gonna go get some nachos. Yeah, I've been I've been conceding to macaroni and cheese lately Right literally right next to the nachos, but I am I would prefer the nachos. She's thinking about those nachos right now Okay, I got it ready good. Would you rather fight one elephant sized chicken or a hundred chicken sized elephants and why? I'm proud of you forgetting through that. Thank you. I worked really hard. Uh-huh. Oh god I would have to do the one elephant sized chicken because the the tiny chick the tiny elephants would be too cute I know they're so smart. I know like how much they like have memories They there was just a study that said that like elephants have names for each other So like how could I fight a hundred little cute tiny elephants? Okay, very fair. Yeah, very fair But also, I just think I think you need to know that like you're fighting these things, right? So like they're coming at you to fight you so an elephant sized chicken It's a big beak or chicken sized elephants like You got to think about that. Yeah, what's your survival rate? I believe in my my intelligence I believe in my smarts and my wits that I could outwit a chicken an elephant sized chicken with claws, man They got claws. Yeah, it is a chicken though, but think about like how much how many people we could feed with that one chicken Yeah, big eggs, man. Oh, yeah, maybe I'll lock it up and eat the eggs. There you go There you go. I like that. All right. Well, I have just learned upsetting things about you. So I need I really need to reevaluate where I am here. Okay, I want your top three top three favorite foods Great pizza. Of course. I'm a New York boy during you say that then you don't like cream cheese. So I'm okay My grandmother's Sunday dinner. Oh, yes So that was like something I had every day every Sunday growing up and it was we started with cold anti-past We would have that with like some fresh bread and then some like a large bread Or like take a little bread like bread and meat with sharp provolone then we move on to like a long fusillies with So a sausage meatballs and brojole and then after that we do chicken parm with salad and then stuffed artichokes And then we do just coffee and some cookies. Yeah So that that's does it for me. And then after that probably is my mother's Christmas cookies. I love that I need a minute. Yeah, you turned her off and then you turned her back on. That's like That's my form of erotica that I that sounds great. I love that. I would very much like to come to dinner Yeah, that sounds great. Hey everyone Did you know that the fat fatties are on patreon? Yes, we are and you can follow us for more behind the scenes chaos We have bloopers. We have alley raging. We have, you know, me climbing out windows I don't know. We just have a bunch of crazy stuff over there. Yeah, so you can follow find us on patreon Yes, that's P a t t r e o n e o n dot com dot com slash the fab fatties he a t e no He a t r e o n. That's what I said Dot com slash the fab fatties and we will see you over there. What's the weirdest thing you've bought online? Oh, what's the weirdest thing I've bought online probably a mannequin Well, it's for a show I don't have Matt loose mannequins in my house. I actually left it outside and With this mannequin I didn't know what to do with it because I didn't want to just put it in the garbage because I'm like I don't want to like it look like a person's in the garbage So I kind of like prop the mannequin up leaning against like like a wall when people find dead bodies They think it's a mannequin. So now they're going around the neighborhood looking at your damn mannequin thinking they're singing dead body You need that morbid really quickly First it was just a mannequin. It was like a standard size mannequin. It wasn't anything special It was actually the cheapest one I could find here like for like a comedy thing or yes. Yes, okay. Yeah Yeah, so that's probably the weirdest thing I bought online rapid fire question with comedy in mind What is the weirdest sketch or improv scene that you have said yes to and have been in part of oh What's the weirdest? Oh, I don't know. I've done so many weird things. It's more the weird shows. I've been a part of oh There's some shows I recently didn't outdoor show for for all people that were in tech I've done a morning conference show for the National Accountants Association where no one spoke English. Oh, I would hear My self-talk and then I would hear everyone whisper to each other and then some chuckles and this was at 9 a.m One of my favorite things I mean every all parts improv is weird I've done so many weird things. I just did the matrix for the other day where we just made up the matrix But one thing I loved was that the Empire was a sketch I used to do Where it was like who ate up the blood and I was just covered in blood Just breaking the archetype of like all these vampires are supposed to be these hot smoke show guys It was like showing that kind of vampires. I love it. I love that. I love that very much. I Sebastian, what was your first kiss? I don't this is a hard question because I did kiss In kindergarten, but that doesn't counts doesn't know it doesn't I actually slapped the kid that kissed me in kindergarten So no, it doesn't count. Thank you. So then I guess it would be in the band's closets in like seventh grade We were pretending that we were buying reads from each other and We were standing there and I remember I remember being surprised how much tongue was involved. Oh, you know what that is relatable You were working on your embouchure. I was a clarinet girly now I'm like read you must have been playing the saxophone the clarinet. What were you playing? I was playing the saxophone, but here's the the problem of being a big guy I play I want to play alto sax. What a sexy instrument, right? So oh like it was so beautiful and hot and of course I'm a big guy so they go Oh, you'll play Barry sax. So instead of being like sultry everything I would play was boom boom boom boom Which is just like the noise people make when I walk down the hall That's my soundtrack to life Boom boom boom you just wanted to have your Kenny G moment and that was held back from you I hate that and I remember after the kiss we went I had math class and we learned um I was it negative be the square root of 4ac - 2a. What is that called the quadratic equation? Sure still trips me up to this day. Why are you using it? They said they said you're not gonna have a little calculator everywhere you go. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, Mrs. Morris. Yes, I fucking do Well, I think we're gonna close up our short rapid not so rapid Fire question section right now and we're gonna lead into the main conversation I was thinking about how to lead into this and what I thought about is my brother So we brought you on because a you're a cool fat person online doing cool things and we loved I like that people doing cool things living loud and out there and You're loud about nothing. So that was part of the reason we wanted you on right But also we don't hear often from a fat male perspective. It's it's very like the online plus size space is very skewed gendered women identified people We don't get a lot of Non-binary perspectives. We don't get a lot of male perspectives and I was thinking about this as I was growing as I wanted to think about your intro Growing up, I remember My brother telling me that the first time he realized like he was fat was he was at my grandma's nursing home And he got in an elevator and one of the other like old ladies there was like he's a husky boy Amy and I was thinking about how as a young fat girl. I heard your fat your big bone Your chunk whatever the words are right and with with guys they get different words. They get your husky You're a big heavy man. Is that the porn terminology? Oh, no, I don't know if that's used outside of the family does call my husband the big bill Yeah, and like there's just There's different language that you all receive around your size than I got at least my personal solely one-person experience of Talking about my body and so we really wanted you on to share your experience. Obviously, you're not speaking for all fat men But but we wanted to hear what it's like being a fat man in today's world And being in the public eye, you know, you're making content. You're out there You're putting your body your face everything out there, right? And so like you mentioned you just played a fat vampire like it comes into it comes into things, right? Yeah So I guess I was always fat And I think that plays a difference I think that so there is that like cliche big like a big guy that will take a shirt off and be like really doesn't matter He doesn't worry about like how he's overweight. I love beer and stuff like that for me because it started when I was a child There was always a lot of insecurity around it It wasn't like Something I was proud of it was something I was very ashamed of and something that still to this day is probably the thing that I struggle with the most is like not only Being comfortable in my body, but connecting to it. Yeah, right? Yeah so I was always still to this day and someone that like feels insecurity around that and I Think that sometimes people don't think that men have that insecurity that About their weight, right? So they think it's oh, we can make fun of him and etc. etc. Especially. I'm a big loud boisterous man So people make fun of me and of course I just laugh it off. I never speak to it I never I always just laugh it off or make a joke about it So for me, I think that it's definitely has shaped who I it is who I am in the best ways and and and Ways that make me feel bad. Yeah in great ways because it's made me. I think it an empathetic person to people and And struggles because I am someone that I always said that I couldn't hide Yeah, and I just want to hide so bad So that's probably why I developed like my personalities because I had couldn't hide in the classroom, right? So I was able to hide through my personality and then I was able to I want to make friends and as a child That's like differences is what like people will see and they point out so being a fat kid That was something that they always pointed out So I was always like on edge and I like then learned how to like read people really well and like learned how to like kind of See their emotions, which are all so I talked to my therapist. These are all some great qualities But they're also derived from pain. Yes 100% so so I'm able to be like understand people's emotions understand why someone might be upset or insecure about something it also then allowed me to Then mask and hide and fit in there was many years of my life then that I was hiding hiding Just pretending to be someone I'm not so you know, yeah, yeah hiding behind comedy behind jokes, right? You know, it's easier to get people to laugh with you too than it is when people are laughing at you and kind of putting on performances and masks Also, I ended up like partying a lot because I think there's a stroke of like I don't know if it's for women as well But like all the my idols growing up were like these big fat men that party the top and just with chug beers and do drugs And like and so I was like, oh, I need to be that to be loved Mmm, which I've had a lot of thoughts and battles about in my life because I am 34 now and My hero Chris Farley died at 33. Yeah, so and I spent I remember when I started comedy being like Okay, I have nine years till I die. I would think Like I would I think like I have this much time till Me as a person supposed to die So I do I do hope I do hope you know though like I fucking love Chris Farley Chris Farley hilarious absolutely hilarious and Chris Farley, you know this right you know this Chris Farley didn't die because he was fat. I Know of course, but I also when I was younger did drugs and stuff like that. I don't snow, but absolutely Yes, but I I also was like you Chris Farley's idol was Jim Belushi and he read the His book and like kind of fed into that and there was just like thinking of my life I was like oh if I want to people to love me. That's how I have them love me. Yeah Yeah So and so I've done a lot of work thinking about like I remember when my 33rd birthday was coming up And I was like this is it and then I was like all last year I was like stressing about it and for some reason I'm 34 now and I feel so much peace Because I don't know what type of fucking bullshit. I was putting in my head like like oh The prophecy has to come true and it didn't and it's so beautiful. I think that's a lot to put on yourself though, too That's a lot put on yourself because it's not it wasn't just you right. It's not just you like yes Yes, we can get these ideals in our heads, but it is society. It is society It's it's every other commercial That's a weight loss drug or a weight loss campaign or you know If you don't do this then you're gonna die this and and so it's not just you That's so much to put on yourself saying that that you you know, it was all you convinced yourself of this it's it's the way that we were all brought up, you know, and and I'm so happy for you that you that you've gotten to this place where you're like No, no We're told every Tuesday. We're gonna die by 40. So like we have five years. Yeah, I got four I'm already at the 36 mark. So I got 10 Just just dangle those years right in front of me You said so much that I want to hop on and and ask you more about because you're you're talking about something Things that came up a couple episodes ago for us when we met with a body image therapist about compensation Some of the things that you said you were doing to be loved was very very much so compensating for the ways in which you felt You were unlovable right and so much of that had to do with your body And I think that's a really hard thing to shake off. I mean that is a deep pain To feel unworthy to feel unlovable to feel like you can only be lovable if you show up in very specific ways And all of us have had these conversations of ways in which we did that for me I mean there's research on this for me It was through getting A's and being like super academic and like being responsible and and making sure I did everything right and LOL I didn't you know, but like that pressure to perform and you had the pressure to perform and you had pressure perform in very different ways I'm wondering how early it was for you that you realized you were compensating in some way to be loved I don't remember time when I wasn't I Don't know like you're talking about like a like You're talking about like when it happened, I don't know I was always that you know Always working hard to be seen or to be seen the way that you were okay with since I was I started performing like at five I started like doing some stuff and like thinking that was like a way for me to be out there and fun and playful Because I knew as a as a little boy sports are a big part of your life Yeah So like even I have a nephew. He's five. He went rock climbing yesterday What I would have never been able to do that Yeah, no, right, which is I'm so happy that he has that experience and I would never like But I was like watching him like I would never be able to have done that at five You know so I think for a little boy You're very aware of your body at a young age of what you're capable of compared to other kids sure, I think That's something I so I actually I call it my boyfriend and getting prepared to talk to you because James James my boyfriend He's he's the the first the first guy I dated who also grew up fat so I you know, I'm a lifelong fatty as well and It's been it's been truly like I've never felt so seen by someone Having now, you know now being with someone who also had that experience, but also realizing that we did have Similar and so different experiences, right being that, you know, I'm a woman. He's a man And it's funny that you bring up sports because when I was asking him about this And if there was anything that you know, he thought I Should ask you or touch on or anything he brought up sports and he said that it was very he was he was always playing sports he was always into sports and He played baseball he played football and it was very much It was okay. It was okay for him to be the bigger guy because he was in sports, right? So I think that's interesting that you bring that up It there's so many different ways that that we all compensate and I do think that the way that Men and and boys are are taught to perform as kids Is is very different. It's very different than us Yeah, it was um, it wasn't easy Yeah, you guys were I would grow up on Staten Island. It's like the one the shittiest places I know The toxic masculinity there is through the roof. Sure. Right? And I grew up in a but I always had a beautiful home in a horrible place But both my parents are very well educated. They're both teachers and they're very thoughtful people and then but I had to leave I had to go outside and it was a very hard place to grow up and I think that People had no problem finding ways to just tear you down For sports for me. I think that I kind of I would play sports, but I would be insecure about it There were certain sports. I wouldn't play Sure In I played basketball, but I was on the worst team, right? Um, I played high school football because I was a big guy, but I was always into the arts then, you know I quickly like transitioned into the arts cuz It was a way to kind of use my personality and And I don't know have fun. It was awesome. Yeah. Yeah, but for sure this is its own problem in the arts also Yeah, I want to jump into this because I am an arts girly. I work in the performing arts and went to school for theater like this is like my jam and I've had to take a step back from the industry because I Don't even know where to even start, you know, there were so many experiences I mean auditions alone in a larger body, especially around New York, you know So I would love to hear a little bit about how you have navigated that and how you have kept your passion alive and found a way to Be a performer in a way. That's safe for you Excellent. I love that. Um, I think that by like me doing my podcast having my own Like that's how I found a way that's safe for me. I'm in good complete control of it. Yeah Right, it's just like how you're doing. Yeah, yeah You're like like taking control rather than waiting for people to tell you what you deserve. Yeah now I've been I've been on horrible auditions as well. I've been to in rooms where they've made me stripped down to my underwear I've been in rooms where I audition for that show. What would you do? Do you know that show where they like it's horrible situations and yeah, what people would jump in and I auditions for this like it was like one of those iron races, you know those races where people run through the mud and they like, yeah, yeah And so I was supposed to be someone signing up and then there were these two fit people that just stood there And made fun of me for being fat signing up for it And so the directing the the direction from the casting director was okay Sebastian great And I was the comedian and they're two were just two handsome actors and they go okay Sebastian You're going to just stand there as these two just look at you and make fun of you There's no script So I just had to stand there as two people just reams me and they yelled cut and I just went that fucking sucked In the room and then I left I called my agent and for some reason I just kept going would John Goodman do this Would John Goodman do this right for some reason I couldn't let go of John Goodman Just because I was like I was like there should be a place where I could be a part of this industry where it's not like I'm the butt of the joke. I've had one talk of a manager and agents about this like I don't mind being every character I play will be fat Yeah, but yeah, that doesn't it could be a part of who I am, but it can't be the joke I can't be going in for ice cream at it in a store and then someone makes fun of me I'm not auditioning for those parts I'm poor, but I have enough fucking money that I don't need to do that for you. No, I love that I love that and actually there was a there was a clip that you posted from your podcast that I Fucking loved you were talking about like the the evolution of fat male characters Where like we were and I'm gonna I'm gonna fuck this up But it basically went from from Chris Farley to to Tony soprano. Yeah, I had a friend on here It was like, you know, Chris Farley taught us, you know to to laugh at the fat guys, right? And then I could oh Jack Black was it Jack Black was like, oh the lovable fat guy, right? You can love this guy, but Tony soprano taught us like he's the fuckable fat guy like you want to fat guys can fuck a hundred percent Yes, they can and I like I watched that clip and I was like, thank you. Yes, sir a hundred percent And that's the thing a hundred percent. I love that. I love that you're like. No, I am not no No, those roles. No, thank you. I have I know my worth I know That no, I'm not gonna be the butt of your joke. I fucking love that for you And it's cool I think men have it a little easier because we have a little better representation that women and like roles with like like there's that like the King of Queens archetype, which is like like Slubby chubby dude with a thin Beautiful wife rights. That was like an archetype So it has there is a different process that's been around for men and women, right? Uh, I think women have had it much more difficult in this regard than men, but Tony soprano. I was taking fucking notes Gonna try that. All right, PJ. I'm going to be me. It did make me wonder like it. It seems that you obviously like I Don't remember anyone's name. So I am not the best when it comes to naming actors and actresses like their names go out My head immediately It's obvious to me that you've consumed a lot of media and you have people who you Look up to in the industry like who are some of the influential figures that? You feel like you you want to emulate and or you're taking some lessons from about how to be a fat man either in life or in the industry Well, I do think Jack Black is a great example I don't even think I'm much more plus size than he is, but he has embraced who he is so much Yeah, and he's really like come into this element of Of almost a sex symbol because he's so authentically himself. Yeah, yeah And I think that that's especially with now online presence and like how you want to be representing yourself because It's never you have to do that. Um, I think that that's really cool I also people like people like Maddie Madison is really stepping into his his elements like I think that he's someone that like like loves loves being a big dude Like loves food so much is hot And like I also like that He has style. Yeah, I grew up. I grew up a Italian kid. I start wearing cologne at seven I need something I need a little pizzazz, you know, right? I can't just be rocking t-shirts all day if I'm going out I'll throw in a pair of white pants a black shirt a lot, you know, right like and I like that these guys like Have a little something to them and I like that. It's them being authentically themselves So they they seem very different but in my minds. They're very similar. Oh very much, though I also love that Maddie Matheson was like, yes, I'll be a part of the bear But I will not be a chef meanwhile. He is a an amazing chef You mentioned People like you having to represent yourself on social media like that's part of now And I think for most of us that's part of regular life But if you want to have a public show if you want to do comedy if you want to act You also have to represent yourself on social media How how do you feel like you've been received? On social. Um, I think I'm figuring it out still but because I think that Unfortunately for me what I put out is where I end up going, right? Could you say more? So like, uh, what type of content I'm creating it goes to the audience that will be enjoyed that type of content Especially because my content isn't uh, so uh, it's not a niche, right? I'm talking generally So I I've lately have like at first I would like make fun of some stuff and things like that and I would find myself Um going into pockets of the internet that we're like a lot of dudes that just want to comment and crap on stuff And now I notice that if I talk about what I love And kind of hype it up. I actually get sent out to a lot of like more positive people And uh, like because that's the content that they're consuming and I love talking about what I love I'm passionate, um, on both ends and it's fun to talk about positive stuff, too So that's really been a goal of mine because I think the people that consume positive Content, uh, will give you positive reinforcements and it's rare that they're going to just scrap on you Because you're saying that you love something so much or you're talking about how you're inspired by something Yeah, unless you talk about loving your fat body They do not like that Yes, I can't imagine, uh, I do Not really talk that much about it online. I mean I have clips here and there, um, but like I mostly Yeah, I one clip did well for me, which was me talking about like, um as a fat man if you don't smile Everyone just goes what's wrong with you. What's the matter? Like that's one thing I've definitely noticed Um, but I also think that like Um, I was meeting them with vulnerability. I feel like I think youtube is the worst. I think that there's the most um Horrible comments there and it's always so interesting when people find me on like a different social media platform and feel the need To message me on instagram I never understood that work. Yeah, right Like I don't I have Netflix All my computer, but I can't log in because I don't want to uh, I don't want to have to reset my password And this has been for months. So I've just been watching on my tv Like how do you find the energy? How do you find the energy to find me? Exactly 100% now I I do think and this was um, this was something else that I was talking to James about was I do think that You know, regardless of what we receive online what you receive online I do think that there is a big difference about, um, regarding what we receive offline Um Versus men and women, right? Um, as as much as we get Some vile shit online I think there are social barriers Um and and protective barriers for women that aren't there for for fat men Um, and that's kind of what uh, what I was talking about with with James was, you know Like for instance, right? You you don't you don't say to a woman, right? She says does this dress make me look fat and and to her face you're like, absolutely not No, it does not right to a man Lay off the cookies big guy, you know, or just walking up to a man saying hey big guy, right? You don't walk up to a girl and say hey big girl, right? So I think that the language um that men use to each other and even women use to men, um, in in social settings Is so different and and the way that men talk to each other is like borderline abusive And it's like locker room talk, right? But like calling each other fat ass is not nice And i'm wondering your feelings on that I never heard someone else say that's that's such an interesting way to put it Because I completely agree I think that people will flat out just be roots in my face Yeah, and also it's you normally when i'm alone and it will i'm in New York So I pass a lot of people so strangers Yeah Yeah, so i've had like i've been I remember one day i was waiting at the bus stop And I heard church bells charming and I was like, oh, this will be nice I'm gonna go into Manhattan and someone just threw a bag of mcdonalds at my face Like there's like things like that had that have happened in my life Just from being like a fat man like one time I was walking with the bag of taco bell home And someone like pulled one of those pranks where they pulled up next to me and screamed fat ass And then the person wouldn't drive off to like make their friend feel uncomfortable for calling me that Um, it's like these are like pranks that have happened recently in my life that is just like Um, I don't think other people experience that and it's normally when i'm alone. So then I like I normally i'll tell some people but like It's interesting that it's like they know they could bully me when i'm by myself um, but yes, I also do think that like having older like um Like older people at it like in events like men in their 60s and 70s will have no problem if i'm online being like, hey Save cookies for the rest of us. I'm like i'm having two cookies Right, it's like people have no problem like at weddings Making comments about like my size and stuff like that Um, which is very uncomfortable That's disgusting Yeah, it makes me feel very bad. Um, I'm sure it does Sure Well, it makes me feel like that's the only thing they see I have friends I call and I could laugh about it with and I Like because like we have to joke around about it eventually, right? um But it hurts Yeah Yeah, and I think I think that's the thing that um That I mean not the thing, but that is something that I think that I I mean our community doesn't really talk about a lot is is you know fat fat women or or female presenting um Members of the fat community. Yes. We do get a ton of hate online We don't get that We don't get that that there is We do have some some social protections that I feel like fat men do not have and I as much as I am like I will fight a troll all day long. I just I Absolutely not. I will fuck up your day so hard, but like if that happened to me In real life I don't I truly don't know how I would I don't know how I would recover I think I've just said why in response to a couple of these things Like I'm not acting tough. I feel so bad. I hear what you're saying. Mm-hmm. And also I have had some of these experiences And what I find interesting I've been holding on to this the entire time I was a fan of you before but like the more we get to talk and I get to see like how much crossover we have I'm in New York girly Right the theater arts and improv and comedy like there's there's so much love and I've I've Truly seen your vulnerability show up and one thing you said in the beginning um Was about the sunday night dinners and the culture In an Italian family that happens around the table And I have not really spoken to this because I haven't had someone who Really was ingrained in that culture But like there was a lot of stuff that came up around the table with my own family About my body in that situation, right? Like it's sunday night dinner Everyone's gorging themselves like it's it Nona made her homemade pasta She spent all day over the stove with the gravy and the sauce like like if like we're gonna we're gonna eat it You know and like if you go for more like there's commentary So I really uh I was trying to find the right time to circle back to you know These are strangers on the street, but what was the messaging Happening around the table for you Um It was it wasn't happening in front of everyone It was more happening behind closed doors I think that my um My mother had her own issues with food, which then she projected on to me Much then it's hard for a little kid. I joined weight watchers at like 10 or 11 Yeah Which is like not great. I've done every single diets. That's imaginable Yeah, like I feel every time I walk in a room I feel looked at up and down to see if am I thinner? Am I not? It's a hard feeling. It makes you not want to go to things. Yeah um, but it's uh I think that I don't blame I don't blame. I think she was trying to but she tried her best. I don't blame She thought that's what was good because it hurt her. You know, yeah Because it made her life She didn't like it So she goes, I don't want my child to experience pain. That's the way I've rationalized it Um And maybe that's because I got to be a good Italian boy and love my mother no matter what Listen, it's okay I often say the same thing about my parents being like Did they do the best by me? No, but did they do their best? Yes And that that is a good enough answer, you know There are statistics out there saying that kids body image like you can predict it based off of their mother's body image like The statistics and studies are there, you know, so Well, we we talked about this um, we talked about this last week with uh, we had laura adlington from the great british baking show on with us and um, She talked about uh in her book. Um, the the complicated feeling she had towards her mom Um, and and you know the complicated feelings that we've had with with our mom's with our parents um where You know realizing that yes In in hearing the ways that they that our moms talked about their bodies Realizing how damaging that was to us and and the ways that they talked to us, you know about our bodies was damaging and understanding that That was the messaging that they got to write and and so like I think about my grandmother like I I totally hear what you're coming From like my grandmother When I was in high school, I lost like a little bit of weight. Um, and Like I look back now and I'm like She thought that I lost a ton of weight and she's like, oh, Alex you lost so much weight. You got so skinny What did you do learn how to shut your mouth? I'm like, okay grandma. I hope you love to see you next birthday I did love her though. But anyway, but I'm like, but that's who my mom grew up with, right? So it's like I can't I can't fault her For and like and and she's learning now. She's learning She talks a little bit more kindly about it now, but I get it right like it would be so easy to be angry It's so angry at them for it But it's like, you know, they grew up with with parents who were in the generation of like Oh, you feel hungry? Just it's not too sick or else have a glass of wine and go to bed, you know, like Um So yeah, I think the family dynamics will fuck you up, man Yeah, and I was uh, a food sneaker when I was a kid Yeah, so I think that definitely impact and that's from not being a feeling comfortable eating in front of everyone else 100% And I think that definitely impacted my relationship with them around that Yeah, yeah, um, I grew up with three siblings And if you didn't get the Oreos when they came in, you weren't getting Oreos And I I sometimes still shop with a scarcity mindset Like I'm probably never going to eat them before they go bad and yeah, I feel like I need to have them because That food was, you know, it wasn't that food was scarce We had food but we had certain foods that were treats and if we got those Good luck getting them and also if it's my dad, he had them in the top of his closet We couldn't reach it and they were dulled out like it's very much control of What access you get and now I find myself and as adult like having to remind myself like I can make access to food However, I want it to be um and I'm lucky enough to be in a position to do that But I still find myself almost like hoarding food so that it's always there Um, so I don't have those like scarcity. I have to eat it all right now because I'm not going to get it again Uh, it's amazing how things like that in childhood just really I mean I've lived myself for over a decade and I still am doing behaviors Related to the things I experienced as a child Of course and it's going back to the Italian thing and the sunday dinner I like food for was also a positive thing for me Right. I think that's something that we don't speak about often is that like food was celebration Connection Yeah, um, so it is an inch a hard dynamic of like A separating that I could be with my fan like like it's not about the food. It's of the people right? Yeah, um, it's uh It is It's nice to think about like The times that I laughed right I think about the meals because they're freaking tremendous right and I love them every day But uh, it's also the people and I think that it's I just grew up in a food culture, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that that feeling around the table that you get from the people Um, we've talked a little bit about the public and your family and kind of a little bit about like male peers, male culture You want to talk about dating and romance? Sure Okay, you want time put up a little reel about how liking stories was flirting Uh-huh You've liked a lot of my story I'm just saying Rebecca, I didn't know this was the intention, babe I would have started winning the room from the beginning I'm like, wow Listen, I didn't say I didn't say liking stories was flirting. He he said liking stories Do we need to leave the room? No You know It could have been Sebastian in my head. I've just made up a whole romantic storyline for us, but Well, currently I haven't been dating Unfortunately, just so everyone knows. Okay. Well, it is it is rough out there. So, uh, Um, I've been taking time for me, which is beautiful. That is beautiful. I love that You know, your first kiss was pretty young Um I'm not surprised it was a horny band kid moment that is hilarious to me and you know Band does something weird to the to the brain Um I do wonder like so We've talked a lot about dating on here and I'm the resident like single person So I'm often the one talking about dating. I recognize you just said you're taking a break So you might You know, you'll have to tell us if if these questions land or not for you So whenever I'm out there dating I use dating apps. Do you also use dating apps? I have in the past Okay, um, and I find that One of the things I do to protect myself as a fat woman Is a I want a lot of body pictures of me and I like put body pictures of me sitting from different angles Like we're not going to do one angle of my body. But two, I I feel compelled To ask the people I'm talking to if they've dated a fat woman before Look at that How how do you or don't you talk about your body with potential people you might be talking to? You know what in the past I didn't talk about it And then I felt like I would then have to make like this big like confession Okay, just so you know something I'm fat after we've been dating for a while Didn't know In case you didn't realize it had no awareness Uh, I would have to give like a confession Just because I felt like it was a topic that like I kind of wanted to hide because I thought it took away a sexiness about me Right, so I didn't want to bring it up Um, but it is part of my life and it is part of who I am so it's important Um, and I think now for future for partners. I've had more recently. I've just had the com I've just thrown it into conversations like Dropped it. I've been like, uh, as well as fat. So I had to worry about this, you know Yeah Just kind of just like letting you know this is my life experience. Yeah So it seems to be more and I don't know if you do this with your friends too It seems to be more about letting them know how you experience the world And maybe raising a little bit of awareness in them of like things you might need or things you might be considering etc Definitely because I think that if you want to be there for a partner You have to be able to show up for ways that they might need you And I if i'm with someone I might need them in certain ways where I feel uncomfortable or nervous Like I've had to go on a plane with the friends being like, hey, man I get stressed before going on, you know, like we both have an aisle seat if you're a person It's a tinier than mine. Can we switch seats and stuff like that, right? Um, like I've had to have like talks like that with people. Um, just uh To make me feel comfortable. Yeah, and so that would be something that I would have to have with a partner 100 And I think I think that applies like I think that applies with partners it applies with friends like I didn't learn to start communicating with people this way until Until I found my fat friends and then I started communicating with the world differently where I I did I did start communicating with my my my other friends Um, but my friends and smaller bodies being like, uh, no, we're not parking five rows back Absolutely not I will circle this place until I find premium parking No, thank you. I do not want to go hiking with you. I my ideal Time being outdoors is eating lunch on a patio. No, thank you Like I just it used to be I would be so apologetic about it until I found people that were That could see me and and and I felt I finally felt comfortable to say like Exactly what you're saying like the you know, this is this is where I get anxious. This is these are things that like getting on an airplane is so so Unnerving right and doing it with a fat another fat girl is fucking amazing. It is amazing I wish that experience for every fat girl whoever any fat person who has to go on a plane I wish you can do it with another fat person because it is It's the best. It is the best truly Another experience I've had is like there are actual like websites and apps set up specifically for dating Plus size people and not everyone that's on there is is bigger You know, there's plenty of people of diverse bodies that want to date people in bigger bodies Um, I find that tends to be a very much a safe haven for a lot of Fat women. Um, I think they feel more complex. They know they're going there for people who have actual like preference for them Like they're their bodies not just uh, yeah, they're yeah, who plus Um Have you used any of those? What do you think about them? I have I once used, uh, who plus I met someone she was cool Mm-hmm. The end of the story Yeah, I just met there wasn't a lot of people on it is the problem. Yeah. Yeah, there's not there's not half as many users obviously as even like You're you're gonna catch more fish On tinder or something like that, right? They're gonna be way more eyes out there and no it was just in New York. You you want to like Uh, it's like probably set your radius to like two miles away from you unfortunately, so like um, just because there's so many people on these apps that like Um, you don't want to have to start driving to New Jersey or like going up state, New York Uh, you want to stay in the in the boroughs, right? Uh, and I think that I play a app like who plus which I was like, oh, I would love to uh, explore this like like I won't I'm about it, you know, so let me just sign on and there was like three people in New York Yeah, that's fair. I do I do wonder um because I I had experience with blue plus um for a minute there and I do wonder like I guess maybe what like the male experiences versus the female experience because I do think that it there is a fine line sometimes between like people who are just interested in in you know dating people in all different kinds of bodies and people who are specifically looking to fetishize and I'm wondering if you ever ran into anything like that Uh, no, uh, I don't think that um, no one I don't think ever fetishize my body. I think that um, I think women, uh, because I date women, uh, they do a uh They're they're dating people for their personalities more, you know, they obviously have like something that they're attracted to but men are such slimy beings that they're like they're like I like this type of person, you know, right? Uh, I've dated all all types of women and I try to like base it on personality much more than I do um Um body type. I do think that like having some shared experience around some stuff is beneficial too Yeah, for sure. Yeah, like I hate to say it, but I feel like my body has been almost the most central thing to my dating experience Um in terms of who's attracted to me how they talk to me So many men and their first messages on dating are very much about their physical your physical appearance whether they're fetishizing me or just using it as a way to show their interest. It really feels like my body is such a major part Of romantic relationships. I remember alissa talking to me because we did an episode on me dating And you're like, well, it's just like friends. I'm saying everything. I'm like, it's not at all like friends Like I'm dating me finding dating partners is not like friends and and I think so much of it is because of how much Attraction in my body is centered in my romantic discussions Versus my friendship discussions where my body holds less importance of whether or not that friendship moves forward um And I always call myself a late bloomer. I didn't start dating Someone until it's 27. I've gone on dates previously like a one-time thing here and there felt very insecure So I was a late bloomer. You know 27 is when I started actually dating people and um And because so much of my experience growing up was men being interested in me or boys being interested in me Only in private settings only if other people didn't know Um, and then like I felt that and I was like is it just me like am I just ugly and all that like is it just me? Or is this a common experience? My brother was a big guy. Um He had his first girlfriend in high school and she was crazy about him, you know He was a funny fat guy playing percussion. He had a lot of things that drew people to him And I was like, well, then my personality sucks too. Like I don't know what to say like, you know, I I really just felt Undatable, unlovable, um until I was much older um And I always I always wonder how it is for for bigger guys dating if they get that same thing and of course You're one person you're like, right? You're just representing your experience. I want you to speak for all of them right now Uh, women seem nicer to date than men is basically what i'm saying. They are they're much nicer It's not I had a high school girlfriend I had someone in college. I that was in a long-term relationship after that like Um I think it is easier for a big a guy to date. It's it's not fair. It's not fair. Um, I do think it's harder on the apps Um It's easier for me in person My personality really helps Um Which is awesome. I think your your confidence. Um, like, you know, if I were to see you on stage and you're confident and you're doing improv I was like this person so interesting, right? Like, um, that that Interesting Listen, we all know okay, so I I promised myself I wasn't gonna gonna come off like a stalker But we're gonna do it right now. Like you guys know I'm obsessed. I'm totally obsessed like I literally I've watched all the loud about nothing clips I am very very proud of myself I have the top comment on one of your clips And I because I keep every like every day I get another notification that I have somebody like to my comment on On your and I don't even remember. I was about preheating the oven pre that was a great clip That was a great talk about that on the podcast I heard the podcast. It was a great clip But I just like no, I think Great, I think that you're fucking great and I hope I hope if nothing else I hope you walk away from this podcast knowing how great you are if you didn't already know it already I there was too many. I'm ready's and I follow uh, uh, your podcast. I've listened to almost all the episodes Thank you. We love that. Um, I most of the content I consume is Uh, like fat plus size influencers. Okay So I have a secret tiktok that i'm on and it's just filled with that I love that No, because that's what I I feel like a community. I want to be a part of a community So that's probably why I was able to find you and like, uh It's so nice to have that on the internet to feel seen and stuff like that's because um, and it's also many more women that are posting this than men Um, there are a few men Most of the men that posted are all about like losing weights Unfortunately, and I always said that there's a quick pipeline so losing weight and becoming republican for some reason for men. Honestly That is never been more true that uh, I need that tattooed on me. No, please don't That's just that's iconic We need mercy We need like just don't get that part of public and tattooed on you anywhere all the democrats right now Pull up. Oh, bro. No, call up the democrats. Let the note get bagels in here. Let's get some muffins cream cheese Let's get it all. Let's get help. We can't be losing weight. Can't be losing weight and turning into republicans over here. Absolutely not And it feels so nice to find people online that are like Um, it's helped me with my journey to see people that are positive about their body and sorry and um And it's nice because I go to that tiktok when I need it and it's all curated for me That's really beautiful. I love that. I do too because it sounds to me like just based on what you've been talking about is that like You've been fat your entire life, but you haven't always had places to talk about it and you It potentially are even a little bit uncomfortable centering it. Um, you like talking about other things Um, and and I do think that's totally okay and good to have a space where you can explore it Well, that's in therapy. Whether it's seeing what other fat creators are saying like Look, this is a part of me, right? And And it's like shaped. We we say all the time. It's shaped all of our life experiences It's it's impossible for me to take off my fatness 100% and I need a place to acknowledge it And I don't want I want to say this I it's not see a secret tiktok because I don't want people to see that i'm following it It's more a safe tiktok like I have absorb just that there I'm like absorbing like i'm skipping over sports videos. I'm skipping over It's like I go there to absorb that sort of content I love that. I love that. I had to do that for myself. I had to make a really big push to be like I really enjoy social media and I enjoy connecting with people But I need to get rid of anything on here That makes me feel less than or makes me feel unseen and it was uh, definitely a long process probably still going through it just like every day if something pops up and it's Weight loss centered or diet culture centered. I'm like this ain't for me like not my audience and just unfollow and Block the ads and restrict certain things and just trying to keep the space safe But I think I think that's something that gets lost to um Maybe not for like critical thinking people but for other people on the internet who are like Well, they're they're they're filtering comments out there. This is our space. It's our space It is this is not your playground. Sir. Like this is our space. So absolutely block whoever you want to block Filter whatever comments you want to filter. This is your space, right? So I think having people you're looking at me like yeah, allee take your own medicine. Okay, but But like I I do I let too many people Get through the filter just so that I can rage about it. Um, but I um, I do there's so many people that are like, oh well, you know, they're they're they're weak because they They they won't take our comments like no, we're just we don't have to take your abuse This is our space. This is this is my space to be my little safe haven and You you don't get to be here. Sorry as we say in north carolina go on now get Is that your heart down here? We say go on and get it. Go on and get then Well, Sebastian. Um, are there any last thoughts you want to get to before we wrap up? You want to apologize to cream cheese? No, let him live. I can't This is zero chance of apology. I can't he's being such a kind new york or two at this point and be like Hero damn cream cheese. I'm from new jersey. So yeah armpit of america over here I Listen, I I've been nice the whole time. I didn't say armpit of america. I didn't say the dumpster Oh, is that a polity for? That island is literally a dumpster fire I'm a long islander. You know, uh, long island. I'm better than all of ya. Maybe you live in a red state now Great time until now I've been holding in my terrible Thank you so much for um, I don't get to talk like this often So thank you for that. Yeah, I really I really wasn't sure what to expect because of course I'm like seeing so many really little buzzworthy moments And I really appreciate how vulnerable you were with us and just sharing you know Your feelings and not also feeling you have to perform a feeling you don't have so like I really appreciate you Doing that where can people find you online? That's Sebastian can I leave on instagram or loud about nothing is my podcast You could check us out on youtube your spotify wherever you get podcast tick tock all that baloney Um, yeah, check out an episode if you want. It's pretty fun. I love it It's definitely fun super fun And I do I do want to say Sebastian like if if you need somewhere To talk about this like you have you have three friends in us Thank you so much. I really I was excited to come here and I my goal was to be open I love that. I think you were very open and super authentic and you were Gentle with yourself, which is so amazing to watch and be a part of so thank you for sharing with us I appreciate you all for putting this out in the worlds that I get to enjoy it Thanks man Thanks. Well, we're big fans and we hope You do great things and again if you're ever in charlotte, we're gonna come to the comedy show I know I was in dorham that where was I where was I in north carolina? I know you went to charleston. No, you didn't go somewhere. Maybe you did go to dorham I would have rode tripped. It was I think it was on some day where I couldn't go. Okay, i'm closer I was willing to stalk. I just didn't go See you got a whole bunch of stalkers in this room. I love it. I travel so, uh, who knows? Maybe i'll be down there someday. We would love to have you. We love it So Sebastian is amazing. Yes. I mean the whole package. He's funny. He's handsome He's vulnerable Compassionate empathetic his communication skills. I mean That episode was so different than what I was anticipating coming in I was ready to like do some little improv back and forth little tip for tat Which i'm still down for Sebastian. So like hit me up, but I loved his authentic like authenticity. Yeah, no, I loved I loved it because same I What I was expecting was not what we got Because what we got was him not performing. Yeah Was Sebastian behind the mask and I I'm so appreciative of that. I just Oh, that made my heart warm. Yeah Also went through her vocabulary list of terms there and the one that came to me was sincere I mean, I just felt like he was really willing to meet us and like he said be open and um, and especially when it comes to like Again, he's the first guy we've invited on this podcast There's some weight on the shoulders in terms of doing Providing a male perspective on a topic that is we know like fat lives are not a monolith We don't all live and experience the exact same thing um And yet he was able to share like what was his and and what what stood out to him as meaning makers in his life growing up That shaped how he viewed his body. It also Made me like when he when he left and we took a little minute before we started recording the ultra like it Really makes me appreciate the space that we are building because At our core we've said from the beginning we want to be a safe space for everyone Like we want this space to be sacred and the fact that I guess felt comfortable coming on just from Watching our podcasts and felt that they could be that vulnerable Fuck yeah, like that just means like we're doing something right and I hope that we can Oh, a little baby. Oh Ali little big I just feel like people need spaces. That's how I stop myself from crying People need spaces to talk about being fat and we've talked over and over and over again about how crucial this space is for us Right. Yeah So it is it is awesome To provide to be able to platform some space for For someone else to come in here and talk about it and not feel like it has to be the joke And speaking of jokes, I keep thinking like We are we're a soft we're a soft place to land, you know Our bodies are soft our minds are soft like we are a soft place to land for people And I love everything that you settle is that I love everything that you say all the time and and I just I love all the stickers Self into a hole. I don't know what's happening to me right now I made her feel the need to give me a compliment after complimenting a list Yeah, because we're back at kind of buried herself during the episode Y'all how cringy was it when I told Sebastian that he likes my stories And you can be honest because I was But I learned I was cringy. I did not know that liking stories was like a form of flirting And so I've been flirting with every plus I was girly on the internet I just need to be he put on a story about it where he was telling Robby about how like that's a that's a move And I'm like dude, you're doing that move on me. Okay I think we've we've put it down. Yeah, let's now. Um, yeah, that's about to thank you for being here with us and um And he is definitely one of us. Oh, absolutely one of us. Welcome to the sugar cult. I was gonna say that We're fat. We're fab and we're friends And we'll see you next time. Bye
