Cocoa’s Cup

episode 21: change

It's so good to see you! In today's episode, we will be discussing change in itself as well as how much I feel as though my life has changed drastically in just these past few months. Have a happy and healing weekend, I'll talk with you soon. xoxo Cocoahontis

Duration:: 15m
Broadcast on:: 28 Jun 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

[Music] Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Coco's Cup. I'm your host Coco Haunes, and I'm so grateful that you're here. Again, if you haven't seen my last podcast, you better go watch a girl. But as always, I do have some merchandise out right now. If you just search us on Etsy at Coco's Cup, Merchandise, or Coco's Cup, with Coco Haunes, if you should find it, go ahead and just click on the sweatshirt, or whichever one you like, add to cart, and you know the rest. Today, we are going to be talking about change, because a lot has happened in so little time, and I have yet to process. Not even the last 10 days, I'm just going to give you a little rundown of what happened. I got married, I had my nika, and I graduated. That's it, that's all. The first conversation that I wanted to have with you guys is about like the next stage of my life as a graduate, and what this transition has been. So I haven't entirely started my full-time career yet, but I don't start for another a little bit over two weeks, but I'm very excited, violently excited. I'm ready, put me in the forest, put me in the work now. It feels unreal, it feels unreal, and it feels surreal. I hope I'm not the difference, because I'm not, you know, definitions right now. But imagine, I was in preschool, okay, so age four to age, essentially 22, because my birthday is next week, gaga. I've been in school, 18 years of school, you're joking, you're literally joking, 18 years of school, and you just expect me to just like lean off. Isn't that so insane? And for months, I've been trying to prepare for this feeling, because I'm a very anxious individual, and it's very easy for me to get overwhelmed and just suck myself into this whole of like, what-ifs and whys, and just wanting some of the reason behind everything. And it's so debilitating, but I've asked my brother, I've asked my cousin, I've asked my best friend, just, so what did it feel like after graduating? What did you do with your time? How did it feel to have so much free time? And I want to give a little bit more insight about myself personally. So I did the four years of college, well university, right? But I was behind my first two semesters, because my counselor had told me that I'd be okay with with just four classes or courses per semester, which it was very much wrong, which led me to being like, I think six classes, six courses behind, which meant that I needed to take winter and summer courses for my last two years. So I was in school for two years, year round. This doesn't make sense, I'm hoping making sense. So I was taking classes for every semester, and that was very hard, that was very challenging. I didn't think that I was going to make it. I had to do three classes in one month for my summer, and I just didn't have to do myself. I was so stressed out every week, it was so much homework, exams every week, because you're compressing a 16-week course into four weeks, you're joking me. And I made it, and that's so crazy to say I made it, and I finished. And this is going to get dark a little bit, because I didn't expect myself to live past 19, 20 even. So seeing where I am right now, and seeing how much I've blossomed, and seeing how life has taken a complete right turn, I just need the most descriptive word for amazed, exuberant, and I don't know what to do. I really don't know what to do, and I know that there's certain things that I really like and enjoy that bring me happiness, and I'll aim a few just because I don't want to know. I really care yokey, which I think is such a niche. I think it's such a niche hobby, because a lot of the close people in my life, I think they believe it's a once-in-a-while type of thing, but no, I can do it all day, and I can do it all night. That brings me a lot of happiness and a lot of joy. I'm a singer at heart, you know. I really like to dance, I really like to escape, I really like to crochet, I really like to watch movies or in this specific genre of TV shows that I haven't quite found the name for, but it's not middle-aged, like 30 to 40-year-old women, like drama romance. You know what I mean? I really like those TV shows, but I think I'm running out. I really like to write poems, but that's something that has to come with creativity, and I'm somebody that unfortunately has a lot of writer's block. I really like to experience new things. I'm somebody that has been really against aquariums and zoos, because I don't like the idea of animals being kept in captivity, but recently it's been making me so emotional that I need to see it well, like it's like my goal right now. I really need to see it well, and I really wanted to see it a great way, but I found out that those are not kept in captivity, so they're lucky, but they're lucky I don't get to see them. I really like animals, I really like nature, I just, I like to feel free, and I like to feel happy. Is that sad? It doesn't matter, so the last couple of days I'll be honest with you, I've just been rotting in my bed. Yesterday I did have work, but then I came home, I came home, and I rotted in my bed. Like what? I literally at work I was like I need to make an excuse to go home, but I couldn't because I was training, and the day was just rolling by, and I told myself I'm so awake now, I didn't need an energy drink or anything to keep me going. I'm going to be productive when I get home, I'm going to record the podcast that I've been waiting on for so long, and I'm going to do my hair. One, two, three, you know? And I was like really excited to finally be productive, and then what did I do? I got home, I undressed, and I looked at myself in the mirror, and I said you deserve a tail, and I've been doing this for the last week and a half. Since I've graduated, I've just wanted to just lay in bed all day, and just sleep, and just be on social media, and just rot, and I think that this is just a collective mental health break, because school had gotten so stressful for me during May and April. There were so many projects that were due, so much was being asked of me, because I was a graduating senior, and I just pushed aside my health because I was still working, so I was essentially just school work, school work, and I tried to fit in other things, but I just couldn't manage to do so, because I feel like it's deserved. You know what I mean? I feel like my body just caught up to me and said hey girl, I'm really tired, you could benefit from the rest, so just rest. And I'm trying to shift my mindset to stop saying that I'm just rotting in bed. I just think it's funny to say that. I like a funny vocab, and just allow myself to believe and recognize that me laying in bed is me spending time with myself, me resting, and rest is very important. And I hope that for you guys as well, that you can recognize that for yourself, that if your mental health is not good, the mind is connected deeply to the body. If your mind is not good, your body is going to start to feel sore, it's going to start to feel tense, it's going to feel like you're dragging around, you need to have a break, you need to have that time for yourself, it's very important. Here I go again, just yapping. I have like four questions that I've written down to navigate this conversation, and just essentially what this means, it's going to lead to a part two for this podcast and the past one that's called perspective. But that's okay, I enjoyed talking to you guys, and I hope that you guys feel the same way. The question that I will be answering now, though, is in what ways has changed, contributed to your personal growth, resilience, and capability, adaptability, excuse me. How have past changes shaped your current perspectives on life and relationships? I think that change is something that's very hard to come by, but it's something that is so necessary and something that is helpful to personal growth. The change that I'm referring to in this one, particularly not to get too vulnerable, I think change for me as far as graduating marks and accomplishment. And I wish I could be more prouder of myself than I am, and I know my older brother told me that he wishes I was accepting the accomplishment more, but I don't know, I haven't reflected enough to understand why I feel the way that I have, but to me, I feel like it signifies, oh gee, why did I say that? A new step, a new chapter, and I don't want to say that book is closed because I haven't reflected yet, and it's typically what authors do if the authors know at the end, but that story is not finished yet, the story of me graduating. And I'm okay with that, I think that's very natural. But change to me, and I don't think that it's really going to hit me until my sign-in day, my first day of work with my corporate job, and people will cheer, and I'll get an applause, and either I'll be there in the moment, or I'll be mentally distant, and I'll smile for the pictures, and I hope it's not the latter, because something that my therapist has told me is that she wants me to be more present, and funny enough, that's something that my husband says too, that I need to be more present, and that's something that I'm trying to work on, but it's very difficult. I don't know why, it's such a strenuous task. My resilience, however, I know that I'm a very resilient person. I don't think that there's anything that I could go through that would not affect me. I don't have the words for it, but would disable me from overcoming and being better. See, I'm a very adaptable person. I'm somebody who, you know what, that is a trauma response, being adaptable, because my parents, I don't want to speak on this too much, my mom is fired, and my dad is earth, or maybe the other way around. They have a little bit of of each other in them, but they both choose prospectively when to use whichever emotion. Because of that, I've had to adapt and change the way that I think, or change the way that I say things and the way that I act, so that I can try to be on good terms with them. I don't really do that anymore because I know that's very unhealthy, and they're not the best, they're not the most healthy for me at this time. Okay, let's keep that short. But I guess, thankfully, because of that, I've become a lot more adaptable, and I'm able to work under pressure, and I'm able to change the course of the things that I'm doing, and change the course of my decisions and ambitions to appeal to them. I was going to say to appeal to me, but it's never been about me. We are short on time again, and don't worry, I will make a part two talking about change, and I'll make another part two talking about perspective as soon as I can. As always, I want to share some gratitude, and I hope that inspires you to show some gratitude to somebody or something. I wanted to show gratitude to my cat, Faye. She had surgery about two weeks ago to be neutered, just the regular schmagulae, because she was throwing that thing back, and I was scared for my life, and it wasn't until my husband told me, hey, I think she's in heat, and I was like, duh, no wonder. I thought she had a disease or something, because she was just acting so strange, and I was really scared for my life, but yesterday marked the day where she's fully recovered, because prior to that, she wasn't running too much, she wasn't acting like her usual self, and it makes sense, because she had a surgery in her stomach, and she was ordered by the doctors to not play, and not to run, and things like that. But yesterday was the first day in two weeks that she bit me, and hissed at me, and it made me actually really excited, because she's very feisty, and it was just showing me that she's back. I have my little girl back, and I'll love her however she comes, if that's feisty, if that's mean, I don't mind. I just wanted my girl back, so I'm very grateful for you, Faye. And I will catch you guys in the next podcast. I love you so very much. Don't forget to get some merchandise, if you will, and I'll see you in the next podcast.