I break down why we get cravings and actionable steps to take to heal so you will be stronger and move past cravings like a pro. This is an exercise in building awareness and breaking the emotional connection you have with alcohol.
A Sober Girls Guide Podcast
A Sober Girls Guide to Cravings
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Welcome to a Sober Girl's Guide podcast, a lifestyle podcast based on sobriety and recovery. I'm your host and sober girl, Jessica Jibot. Inspired by my own sobriety and wellness journey, I want to spread the wealth of knowledge. Tune in each week for uncensored conversations about mental health, self-development, wellness and spirituality and how they influence each guest's unique recovery journey. My goal is to educate and inspire and to let you know you are not alone on your recovery journey. Thanks so much for tuning in to a Sober Girl's Guide podcast, let's go! Hello hello and welcome to episode 274 of a Sober Girl's Guide podcast. On today's episode, I am going through our most requested Ask Me Anything questions. Now I do ask me anything on Mondays and Fridays on Instagram stories where you get to ask me literally anything you want. The only issue was that is that I only have a small little box or small little space to reply and it's through text so it's very one dimensional. I want to really dive into these questions and open up the context and really give you the time, attention and respect that your questions deserve because you take your time to ask me these questions and I want to take the time to fully give you a well thought out answer in actionable steps that you can use. Now these questions are loaded because they are emotional. They are emotional because we have an emotional connection with alcohol. Now the reason I know this is because I could sit here all day long. We could talk about statistics, we could talk about all the facts, the logic behind alcohol and how it is bad for us and how we should all just stop drinking it. Yadda yadda yadda yadda. You've heard this before. We can't use logic to solve an emotional issue within ourselves. It doesn't work. We need to get in there. We need to untangle this knot of emotions that has been created over years and years and times, centuries even. You know, the societal norms that are wrapped up in this little knot or for most of us knots, a little knot. But this is an emotional issue and we need to go in and attend to the emotional needs. So that is what we are doing on this episode. I want to give you the tangible steps, some actions, some things to think about when these questions, when these issues are arising. That is my goal with this episode. So let's kick it off strong. Now this is our most requested question. How to combat, how to fight, how to get rid of cravings, alcohol cravings. I think we've all been there. It could be situational. It could just be out of the blue. But cravings pop up. It's like that inner line, which is just chatting and telling us, oh, just one will be fine with that little devil on your shoulder saying, no one has to know this will be just our little secret. You deserve it. You've gone this far without drinking. You're fine. You don't have a problem. Sound familiar? First of all, stop. Pause. This is all just noise. The voice inside your head, your inner wine, which the little devil on your shoulder, talking smack. It is all noise. It is not factual information. It is noise inside your head. This is a head game. Essentially, you're playing head games with yourself. I know it happens to the best of us, all of us actually. The remedy here is to stop, to pause, to listen to your heart. Get out of your head because this is not logic. You are not making sense right now. In fact, you are in more of a reactionary mode as opposed to making a response. So response takes time. Response is slow moving. You pause. You can take into account what is going on. Whereas a reaction is snap. It is a knee-jerk reaction. There is no thought. There is no pause. There is no awareness that is built when you are making a reaction to something. And right now, you are about to react to this inner voice, this inner wine, which this devil on your shoulder. And I'm going to tell you, if you react, you're going to regret it. So what do we do? We pause. And now this seems really tough because it is, to build self-awareness, to stop the train when it's just cruising down the tracks, seems nearly impossible. It isn't. This is a muscle. This takes time. This is a process. You may not get it right the first time and that is okay. Keep going. Keep trying. Now, first of all, I want you to stop and pause and ask yourself, what is really going on here? What are you really feeling? What do you really need and want? What is the underlying feelings that are coming up here? When you were stuck in this pattern of thought and action, I needed to stop this knee-jerk reaction. I know this is how you want to respond. This is probably how you've responded for years, right? Most of us have used alcohol to medicate, to use when we're celebrating, to use when we're bored, when we're tired, when we're uncomfortable, a lot of us alcohol has been the answer. We're changing. We're growing. We're evolving. And in that growth, that means we need to look for different solutions. First of all, having feelings is not necessarily a problem. It's human. Where it gets sticky and may get us into trouble is when we react to these feelings as opposed to pausing, gathering information, and then responding. Do you see that extra step, the stop, the pause, the quieting of the noise, the building self-awareness, the reflection of what is going on and what is coming up for us? That is the key. That is the muscle. That is the bicep that is going to have to do multiple reps of pulling and pushing that weight to build that muscle and make it stronger. Now let's go back to what feelings are coming up here. Are you bored? Are you lonely? Are you in a situation or do you have feelings that are making you uncomfortable or even thoughts that are making you uncomfortable or even experiencing a little bit of FOMO? What is the underlying feeling here? Again, this is an emotional connection. We need to get down to the emotional level of what is going on here. And by stopping, pausing, quieting our mind, telling the inner wine witch and the little devil on our shoulder to zip it right now, please. We need to get to the heart of the matter and we can't do that when we are in our head or when we are listening to what is going on in our head. Remember, what's going on, what's being said in our head is not facts. It is not necessarily real right now. It may feel real. It may feel like you need to react and take action on that thought and possibly driving your feelings. But it is not real. It is not the case. You are in this pattern. You are in this loop and we are going to get out of it. Once we get to the heart of the matter, once we find out what we are actually feeling, whether it's bored, lonely, tired, uncomfortable, FOMO, any of those or maybe a couple of those, then we can then move forward and figure out what we actually really need and want. How do we satisfy? How do we fill those gaps as opposed to just reaching for the knee jerk reaction, the pattern that we have already been in, the habit of drinking? What do you actually need right now? If you are hungry, how can you get yourself some food? How can you take care of that? How can you take care of the loneliness that you are feeling? Can you reach out to a friend? Can you even journal about it? Even the fact that you are admitting that you are coming to awareness of the feelings of loneliness really takes the power and the stress and the heaviness, the weight of that feeling. Now, our goal during these exercises is not to completely fix everything and be totally fine and never feel these ever again. Now, these emotions, these feelings are going to pop up from time to time and that's perfectly natural. This is an exercise to do to again, build self awareness, to come home to yourself, to really understand and learn what you truly need and want in these situations. And the beauty part about this is they're going to change. Your needs and wants are going to change over time and in different situations. So, it's really important to tap into yourself. Again, get out of the head and into the heart of what you really need in this situation. So already, getting out of our heads, listening to our hearts, we naturally come up with solutions for ourselves. We can naturally move ourselves from a state of being reactionary to something more productive in order to respond to our needs and wants. Here's one little tidbit of fact of information. Typically, these cravings and these urges last about 15 to 20 minutes. The whole process of stop, pause, quieting the noise, getting out of your head and into your heart will take about 15 to 20 minutes. The benefit is you're going to get stronger. Like I said, this is a muscle. You're going to get stronger. You're going to get wiser. You're going to recognize your needs and wants faster. And that's going to really knock down the craving time. It's going to take it from 15 to 20 minutes to maybe down to 10 to five. You never know. But the more you do this, the more you practice this, the stopping, pausing. Again, no fast reactions. Remember that fast reactions come from fear. Someone who is grounded, who is thinking logically, who is in a responsive mode, typically does not move fast. They are slow. They are stable. They are secure. They are steady. Riding this wave, getting out of your head and into your heart because 99% of chance your heart does not want you to reach for alcohol. Most of the time it wants love. It wants connection. It wants attention. Listen to your heart. And that only happens when you can stop and pause. This is how you ultimately stop cravings. This isn't a fast, quick fix of distracting yourself until the next time a craving occurs. This is how you get to the heart of the matter. This is how you heal by stopping, pausing, quieting the noise in your mind, getting into your heart and out of your head. This is how we move forward. If you want to get to the next level in your sobriety, this is next level sober girl stuff. This is not, again, a quick fix. This is going to take time. Be patient with yourself. Be kind with yourself. But ultimately, this is the foundation. These are the solutions to these lingering issues. Cravings are going to come up. They're not just going to happen today. They might happen tomorrow. They may happen next week. They may happen in a year, but using this method and knowing that you have this method to come back to is going to empower you and equip you with the foundations and tools to take that on when the problem arises. Now, a practical side note here, if you are not tracking your period, do so immediately. We are women. We have hormones. Hormones drive our emotions and can really throw us into reactionary stages, especially around that time of the month, or even a week or two before that time of the month. Be prepared. Arm yourself. Know when to expect your period, when your cycle starts. Try and know everything about your cycle because it will really help you navigate and understand where these feelings and emotions come up. Your period definitely affects your emotions because they're, it's hormone based, right? It's just science. So if you can get on top of that and be like, oh, yeah, I'm about to get my period or I am on my period. I know right away nothing that my inner wine witch or little devil on my shoulder is saying makes any sort of sense. There is no time during this week or this period of the month where I need to be making snap decisions. You're already prepping your mind. You're ahead of the game. So if you're not tracking your periods, this is a sign to go ahead and do that immediately. All right, moving on to our second question. Now, this question has come up a few times and I think it's quite unique and I really think it's important to touch on it. So you're possibly not sure about getting sober. You think you should, but you don't fully want to and that's completely understandable. Maybe you have family, parents, sisters, coworkers who think you should be sober or who should have you reevaluate your relationship with alcohol. Unfortunately, that's none of their business or actually, fortunately, it's none of their business. This is your business. This is your body. This is your mind. This is your relationship with alcohol. No one else's. That being said, I am not here to convince you. I'm not to hear to change you. I'm not here to convert you. I am merely offering advice from my perspective. I am now over seven and a half years sober. I know the ins and outs of what it takes to get sober and most importantly, stay sober and actually enjoy it. Not have it be a big thing. You know, at seven and a half years, my sobriety is kind of on the back burner. It's just a way of life. It is natural for me. It is not alcohol. It's not even in my ecosystem. It's not even on my radar. It's just not an option for me. I don't want it to be an option. I am completely neutral with alcohol. I do not hate it. I do not love it. I do not miss it. I have no emotions. I'm just neutral all around regarding alcohol. And that is a place to be when you can get to a neutral place with alcohol, you've won. That's it. That is when you know you've made it. It is not emotionally charged for you. You don't hate it. You don't love it. You don't long for it. You are neutral. It is indifferent. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. It's 2024. We are all stressed out. The worst thing we can do is keep all this stress bottled up. Our bodies and minds turn into a pressure cooker. And that is not good for anyone. In my seven years of sobriety, I learned that I need to let it out. It only hurts me and the people around me if I don't let my guard down and have a safe space so I can unpack my worries. Therapy is a safe space so I can get things off my chest and to figure out how to work through whatever is weighing me down. I always feel so much lighter. Instead of blowing up at people or situations that do not deserve it, therapy has helped me build my self-awareness, mindfulness and slow down and help me process what I'm actually feeling in the situation. 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But going back to not sure about getting sober, think you should. Maybe we're here, we're talking about it. We've met each other. We are in each other's ecosystems for a reason. I do not believe in coincidences. I think we are all meant to find each other when we are meant to find each other. You're here for a reason. You have this thought, you have this idea, you have this seed that is growing in your mind for a reason. Again, I am not here to convert you. I am not here to convince you. But we found each other. And another side note, people who do have healthy relationships with alcohol never really contemplate their relationship with alcohol. It just is. So that in itself that you are even considering changing your relationship with alcohol is great. It means you are in the right place. Now, I know changing your relationship with alcohol is terrifying. Obviously, it's like we need to have it all figured out right this second right now. That is not the case. Again, I want you to pause. You do not have to make any sort of commitments right now. But wouldn't it be kind of cool to try just 30 days? See what you can learn about yourself in 30 days without alcohol. Use this time as kind of an experiment. What is going on? What is coming up for you? How hard is it? Is it easier? What is going on with your relationship with alcohol? 30 days doesn't mean you're going to be sober for the rest of your life. But it's a nice little trial period to see and really get, again, to the heart of the matter. Get out of your head, stop trying to, you know, put the cart before the horse. You don't have to have everything figured out right now what that looks like, what you're going to tell people, what you're going to do, how you're going to socialize, what your social life is going to look like. Just stop. Stop all of that noise and just focus on today and trying 30 days booze free. Alcohol is not going anywhere. Hate to tell you that. You can always go back to it. But why not just try and see and give yourself this gift of 30 days alcohol free? Again, stop listening to the noise of friends, family members, loved ones. This is a you thing. This is something that you have to do for yourself. It's beneficial to you and of course anyone who comes in contact with you. But most importantly, this is about learning about yourself, about coming home to yourself and what that looks like. And we can't do that when we're a drunk or hung over all the time. We need a little break. We need to pause. We need to come back to ourselves. So try 30 days. What do you have to lose? Nothing. You have everything to gain. All right, the third and final question, the drinking dreams. Why do they happen? We've all been there. It's more like a drinking nightmare. We have dreams about drinking, partying, doing whatever, wherever with whoever. And we have that shame, regret, maybe in your dream, you even try and justify it or you try and cover it up like you don't have to tell anyone. But it's all a dream. You wake up, you did not drink, you did not do or text anyone, your ex, whatever is going on in your dream. It did not happen. It's a dream. But why is it happening? Why is our subconscious even going there? Because we've made these big life changes in our conscious day to day life. But sometimes our subconscious doesn't get updated. And that is why these dreams kind of seep in. Now this can also help happen if you're over stressed, if you're over tired, if you're just really pushed to your max and you kind of revert back to these old ways of coping. And this is when your subconscious takes over, when you're sleeping. And just this is like an autopilot for it. This is what we used to do. This is what we used to used when we were feeling stressed or when these situations would arise. So it makes sense. It's just your subconscious. And what that's telling me is your conscious and your subconscious mind are just not aligned. They haven't caught up to each other. They haven't integrated, if you will. So I actually designed this acceptance ritual. So this ritual is designed to say bon voyage to your old self in the most loving possible way. And that's by honoring and accepting her. So the first step is to take an identity inventory. In order to fully honor what we are grieving, we must clarify and name what we've lost. What about your old self? Are you grieving? Is it the ability to turn our minds off to numb out, to be that outgoing party girl that we know is inside of us, but just maybe takes a little time or needed a little social lubricant? You know, not everything we did when we were drinking was bad. We did it for a reason. There was a method to this madness, or we wouldn't keep doing it for years and years. We did get something out of it. We did have our needs fulfilled. And it's important to identify that. Number two is resist the urge to vilify your old self. Acknowledge that your old self was human. Your BS before sobriety sober girl self. She is not good. She's not bad. She's not right or wrong. She was who she was at that time and place and she served her purpose. However, presently, she is out of date and needs to be updated. Think of an app on your phone that needs to be updated in order to function to the best of its ability. Number three, let's take action. Set aside some time to speak to a photo of the person that you used to be. Thank them for taking you this far and let them know that you'll be taking memories of them forward with you. If you've always wanted to cut your hair, color your hair, or buy a piece of jewelry that that old you would never do, this is your time to do it. This is your time to step into your sober girl power. And of course, acknowledging that you were building on this woman. You are not erasing the past because it has gotten you to this point. You were honoring where you have been and you are looking to the future. And the fourth step, integration. It's totally natural to not feel super comfortable in your new self yet. In fact, this is why this is happening. Maybe you're just not feeling comfortable or you're unfamiliar with these uncharted territories. Again, this is all very natural. But try introducing yourself to the person you're becoming or to the goals and to the aspirations you have as a sober girl. Invite them to tell them who you are now. Say things like we've never met before. So I'm curious to get to know you. Or I know this is tough and a lot to take. So pardon me if I'm a little bitter or a little distant at first, because we've all been there. You know, change is hard. Change is new. It's extremely uncomfortable, especially when you're in the driver's seat and you're making the changes. Sometimes you can be like, why the heck am I doing this? Is this all worth it? And I have to tell you, after seven and a half years, it is very worth it. You are not here by chance or by coincidence. We're here because we're supposed to be here together. I hope you take these tips and these exercises and make the best of what you have going on today. Now I know this isn't going to be completely solve all your problems today, even tomorrow, maybe even not next week. This is a long game. Being a sober girl and changing your relationship with alcohol gives you time and space. And that's a lot of time and space. These things are not going to happen overnight. These are muscles that need to be exercised and take time to grow and strengthen over time. But like I said, we're here for a reason. There are no coincidences. You're here, you're planting the seed. And like I said before, give yourself time and space. Try 30 days. What do you have to gain from going booze free for 30 days? So much. It's an endless list of possibilities and opportunities you are opening yourself up for. If you don't believe me, try it for yourself. Try our 30 days to gain booze free challenge. You will get emails of tips and tricks directly to your inbox. You will also have a month free support from our sober girls social club with our coaches and our community there to support you at your fingertips. There has never been a better time to change your relationship with alcohol than today. Go to a sobergirlsguide.com now. As always, thank you so much for listening. Please make sure to rate, subscribe, and leave your feedback about the podcast. I love to hear your comments. Make sure to ask me anything on Mondays and Fridays on a sober girls guide on Instagram. Check our stories for that. And head to a sobergirlsguide.com. We got your back at any stage of your booze free journey. Head to a sobergirlsguide.com now. Thank you so much for listening, and have a great day. [BLANK_AUDIO]