Marriage Works If You Work It Podcast
Is There Hope For This Marriage.
But is there hope for this marriage? See, we've been talking about the spirit of despair, like coming after the spirit of despair, like aggressively. We can't just be patient and passive with the spirit of despair. So we were talking about, is there hope for this marriage? And that question comes up a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. And you know, when you act, because they ask the question, is it hope because there's a, there's, there on a, the moat, the majority of the time that I hear it is because it, you know what comes next? Well, how long? - Well, okay. - I mean, that's the next question. It's like, is this hopeful? I mean, how long? I mean, how long? How long do I, am I got to do this for my, you know, to, for my hope for, or I'm hoping that this is going to be all right, or this is going to make it, this is going to last, this is going to be restored, I'm hoping for it. But how long do I have to hope for it? Or I hear, I don't have any hope anymore. Like I had hope, but what about the other person? Like if I, even if I hope, then the other person may not have the same as I do. - Right. - So we hear those kinds of things a lot between mentoring, coaching, all of that, we hear that a lot. And here's the answer, or one of the answers, 'cause there is always multiple answers to anything, but is there hope for your marriage? Hope for your marriage is up to the individual person. Really is, because hope is not something we can put on anybody else. And hope is intentional. So if we're gonna bulldoze, I love someone wrote that, we got bulldoze the spirit of despair. Thank you, Natasha. Will doze the spirit of despair, because we intentionally do something that invites God in, or we intentionally do something that gives us power and authority. We intentionally do something. So asking the question, is there hope? Really, when you think about it, should really be a statement. There is hope, because if I bring hope, hope is there. - So you go from a question to a statement. - To a statement. And we learned about that at our last prayer, and in Partation Gathrin, we have to be able to realize what hope really is, what faith really is, what the word really is, like what power do we have? We bring intentional hope to anything we decide to bring intentional hope to. So it actually empowers us, because what the enemy tries to do is have us focus on, well, if the other person isn't doing this, or if the other person isn't doing that, or the other person hasn't found me yet, or if I'm not married yet, all of these things, then we start to lose hope. And your reason why we start to lose hope is because we don't have any control of the other person. But we do have control over ourselves. So if we have control over ourselves, then we can increase our own hope. - And if you have control over somebody else, that's witchcraft. - There you go. And we don't want that. - So the only thing that you can literally control is yourself in the equation. You're the only thing that you can control. You're the, and God is always looking at us to see that if we will bring hope, our life, our walk, our salvation, our lifestyle will bring hope to a darkened world, to a darkened place. So if I'm walking in light, if I'm focusing on myself and making sure that I'm bringing hope to someone else. So hope can look like forgiveness. Hope can have righteousness. Hope can have forgiveness. Hope has all of these things wrapped up into it because you're hoping that your lifestyle helps motivate someone else to seek more of God. - So this past week during the Help Me Army, that was our focus. Can they, meaning our spouse, see God in us? - Period. - And hope, especially when despair is imminent or despair is present, hope makes people take look, take a look at things like, wait a minute. It looks like this, but you're acting like that. It looks like it sounds like this, but you're responding like that. That's how people see God in our responses. They see God in our life. They see God in our actions, our responses. So it's hope that change is a circumstance because we know, you already know we're gonna go to, faith is the substance of things that are hoped for. So if we don't have things we're hoping for, then we can't have faith. And so faith comes from within. So I gotta believe and have faith, which means I have to intentionally hope, even in a marriage. Even if a marriage is struggling, it was good and then it's not. If it's good and you want it to be better, wherever you are, hope is essential. - It really is, 'cause when you just, I'm glad you just said hope is really essential because I was gonna say, if your finances aren't good, you're hoping that they will be better. At some point in some time, but what are you gonna do to make your finances better? You can hope that you're still in the midst of hoping that there's something that has to be done. So in your hoping, is it your attitude changing? Is it your demeanor changing? Is it your prayer life changing? Is it the way you respond changing? Things have to change for you to actually get to be able to see this hope that we're seeking, that you're searching for. And so in the midst of it, what is it that you can do to make yourself eligible or in place for enlightenment for the hope that you've been hoping for? - That's interesting because if we take marriage out of it and we say, do you hope for healing or do you hope for a raise or do you hope for all of a sudden we're putting a plan together. You know, most of us wouldn't just throw our hands up and say, oh, I'm gonna be poor forever. No, we do something. We don't wait on someone else. I mean, some people sit around waiting like, I'm gonna win the lottery and that's just laziness. But for the most part, we'll start doing something. We'll start working, we'll start planning, we'll start thinking, we'll align ourselves with different kinds of people. What if we put that kind of hope in our marriage? Because you don't hope for wealth, normally when you're already wealthy. - I got a question. So, if we put so much effort into our job, we would never just walk away from my wealth. I can't say that 'cause I walked away from plenty of jobs. - Oh, yeah, mercy. - I was like, big care. So I just walk away. But if you're a person that works, you know what I mean? - Most people don't walk away. - Yeah, most people don't. I'll, okay, I'm a percentage of that D, okay? (laughs) So, just walk away. If you do, you have a plan for another job. You have a plan for whatever you want to raise. You plan to work harder. So why is in it that we take that same work ethic or formula and apply it to our marriage? So if there was a situation that is happening on your job, you're going to try to figure it out so that you don't either get fired, but you can get promoted, you can get an investment, you can get whatever you gotta be that you need, you're going to try to work that out. It's the same place that you do, we do, and our marriage. We have to try to figure it out. What is it that we need to do? We, I keep saying we, we. 'Cause there's, you can't worry about somebody else on your job. You can't worry about somebody else in the back. You gotta worry about what can you do? How can you make this a better place, a better home, a better atmosphere, a better spouse, a better person, a better son, a daughter of God? How can you make yourself better that allows someone to see hope that they can see hope? I saw hope, like I literally was able to see that that God can change. When I looked at her and I started seeing her, I see it all the time. I actually said to myself, this woman is walking, she's going to be the walking Bible. She's literally going to walk this Bible out. She's going to, she's forgiven me. She's loving me unconditionally. She's not responding to me in negative ways. So now I'm looking at this situation like, my God, this is different. But what it did was it actually gave me some hope that this marriage can change. 'Cause I'm seeing a difference. I was even doing things to provoke her to see if it was going to be real. So you are saying hope is contagious? It is. It really is. It really is. If you're around someone that believes in, and they hope in the best of everything, and you around them enough, you start believing it. It starts becoming contagious to you. And you have hope. You know, if you're a person that's just believing, everything, believe, hope that anything is possible, and all things are possible. And you believe that with the sincerity of your heart, you believe that in your soul. When you get around people that are negative, you either can change them or you will conform to them. So how do you change them? You don't change. You get so radical in it that they can't help either, but join you or get away from you. You're not the one that's going, you're the changer. You're not the one that is to run away from the challenge. Okay, my spouse leaves hope. How can I help him get hope? How can I help her get hope? I got to operate in hope. I got to show hope. I got to move in hope. I got to build a conduit, conduit, conduit, a hope to them. I love that. Like for real. I'm not trying to do it with a hope. It's like, okay, like this, if you go around somebody and you're blessed, you can take your slim and blessed. Why you can't be contagiously hopeful? Why you can't walk in hope like no other? So instead of asking again, is there hope for this marriage? Because I think if we say that so quickly, we've got to quickly be able to pull it down. Quickly pull it down and say, yes, there's hope because I bring hope. I'm a conduit of hope. My hope will be contagious. Make sure the hope is intentional. I start making the statements instead of the question. Come on. And I change the whole scenario. We have to move away from being asking these questions to actually being the statement. We take the statement from the word of God. Come on. And make it our declaration. Because when we make a declaration, we never ask a question. Okay, if God is the word and we're made in his image and likeness, then we are the word. Because we were spoken into. And so he spoke life into us. So what he says, the word says, great is he that is in us, that he that is in this world. So there's absolutely nothing that we can't do. Yeah, that's good. There's nothing that we can't do. So when you sit there and say, well, I can't go out on, you're questioning yourself. You're doubting yourself. But we have to be more of a statement and make an statement and standing on that. Whatever the word says that you're able to do, then you're able to do it. Yes. And you have to understand that place. But the enemy is what the enemy does is constantly talk to you about the negative. He constantly brings up the default. He brings up the hurt, the pain, the trauma, the disappointment. He brings that. And so what it does is it eats at the hope. And because what happens is it becomes time. Now you go into the time place where you wonder how long do I have to do it? And so that starts to deplete your hope. But you have to go back into God and tap into the blood into God to get supernatural strength to bring back your hope, to strengthen your hope. It says renew your mind daily. So if we have to renew our mind daily, we have to renew our mind and hope. Renew our mind in whatever it is that we need for strength in, we have to do it. It's daily. It's not something that you just do it one time and it's and you good. It's good. No, I work on this every single day. We have to work on this every single day. I was one of those ones that wanted to do part-time stuff. Part-time stuff didn't get you part-time results. Jesus. Part-time results. So that's why the marriage good on sometimes and then it's bad on some other time. It's part-time. When you decide to put hope in hope full of time, you decide to put love full of time. You start putting faith full of time. You're going to get full time results. God shows up. Because the Bible says hope deferred makes the heart sick. So think about it. When we lose hope, the enemy is hoping our hearts grow sick. So our hearts are sick, meaning we get bitter, we get angry. So everything that kind of comes our way, all of a sudden, we see it with anguish. We see it with anger. We see it with bitterness. So as we have to pick ourselves up and say, I refuse to be sick in my heart. I refuse to be sick in my heart. That's not going to happen. So I've got to bring something to the table so I'm no longer sick in my heart. And you know the enemy is trying to get into the heart. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. So when you start speaking, is there hope for this? It sounds like you falling into depression, falling into the question, falling into despair, falling into the quit mode, falling into the slugger mode, falling into the, I'm just throwing my hands up. It sounds like that. And when God wants us to go back to, I created you to be a statement. I need you to open your mouth and state what my word says. State who I call for you to be. State my promises. State them, stand on them. Because that's where you're going to get your strength from. If you start keeping talking about, is there hope? What scripture is that? Right. And it does drain you. Because then you start pondering things, questioning your faith, questioning, can I do something? Questioning. And what we think we're doing is questioning the person. Yeah. But in reality, we're questioning God. We're questioning what God has said. We're usually questioning what God can do. We're questioning what God can do. And I save this all the time. If you ask someone, they'll say, I know God can, but I don't know God will. But that really is honestly the same thing. It's doubt. It really brings in doubt. So we don't know if God hasn't done it, or we don't have enough faith to pull it off. Because we're doubting, but saying we won't. Like I used to say, I want God to do this for my marriage, and do that for my marriage. And then, but then I would start doubting. And God was like, I can't work under these circumstances. So when God is not at work, yeah, we're going to feel lonely. We're going to feel defeated, because God's not there to give us strength. He can't work under the circumstances of doubt. Just drop. He has to be pushed out. The enemy of doubt has to be pushed out by hope. That's literally what pushes out despair. And hope has to come from within. So when we don't feel like it, see, hope is not something we always feel like doing. Hope has to be something we do intentionally and on purpose. So we get up and go, okay, I'll have hope today. And you say whatever scriptures, whatever declarations, whatever you really have to put in front of your mind, your thoughts, your eyes, whatever you put in front of you to change your perspective, because God can't work without faith. God does not work without the faith on the inside of us. So hope is the step toward faith. Hope gives us the ingredients. Hope is the ingredient. We can't have a finished product without the ingredient. It makes our faith empty. There's no substance to it. It makes you waver. You'll go in and out of faith, in and out of believing. And God is like, that's double minded. Yeah. Because you're actually unstable in all of your ways. And see, you're going to be hot or cold. If you in one day and out the other day, we got to start paying attention. And one thing God had me doing, and I still kind of, I pay attention to it a lot, is I pay attention to my state. Am I in this place where I'm questioning God or debating with God? Or am I, you said it, I'm doing it. Because this is obedience. Obedience is better than secular. Word says, obedience is better than sacrifice. Sometimes we just trying to sacrifice. But God said, can you, will you be obedient? You're a sacrifice. You can give up something. You'll give up something. You'll call it a sacrifice. So you give up this prayer? This prayer. But would you, but will you be obedient to walk the staying out in front of my son or my daughter? Yeah. Or forgive when I'm saying forgive. Or love when I'm saying love it. Or, or, or, or, or submit whatever it may be. God wants to see where your obedience is, because that's what's going to bring you, help you with some discipline to be able to walk this thing out every single day. Me walking out my deliverance every single day is very important to me. It is. It is very important to me. And it's very hard. Exactly. It's very hard. It's not an easy task. But one thing, you know, God showed us, you know, when we were, it was like in the beginning, when we were walking around the track. It was when I was beginning stages, when we were homeless. And God said, yeah, that place. And God says, you know, she is health, but you're, you're the hope. So when you think about, is, is, is there hope in this marriage? Yeah. If you, if you, if you, if you know my story, I, I pray that my, my walk, my life, my, my testimony. gives you some hope. And we should look for, so that's a good strategy. We should look for instead of, because here's what, what happens when we think there's no hope, we will start to connect ourselves with people who agree. There's no hope or look at other people like, oh, they didn't make it and they didn't make it. But what if we spend our time, a group of question marks, what if we spend our time looking for ways to hope, like we look for ways to give up? Because I can tell you, I was looking for ways to give up. Well, what if I did this? And just because you did that. And what about Lord? And what about how come this and not? And I was looking at the, I needed, but if I put that, well, eventually I did put that energy and finding hope, finding hope in the word, finding hope in people, finding hope in groups, books, resources, look for the hope. Look, because hope is available, just like the spares available. You choose. You choose. You make choices every single day. We do. We make choices every single day. If you count up how many times you have to make a choice. And one day, one day, how many times you got to make a choice? It's constant. I promise you, if you don't have enough fingers and enough toes to count how many times. But understand this, what decisions are right decisions and what decisions are wrong decisions. They are righteous decisions and they are unrighteous. My God. They are their kingdom and they're not kingdoms. You, you, there's, there's no great area. So the times when we have to try to one minute, we Christian or some minute, we save. And the next, I'm telling you, let me tell you what that light does. That life will drop you off in hell, like it in life. That would be the people that would get before God. And then God says, get from before me. I never knew you. I'm telling you, I know this. This was one of my moments of God saying, Jerry, you're going to have to make a choice. You're going to have to choose life or death. He didn't say choose this little gray area. It's life or death. And so I flashback of my whole life living. Plan, plan, say, being carnal, being in and out, being up and down, knowing the word, not choosing the usual word, knowing scripture, not choosing the rescript. I mean, to walk in scripture, knowing life, knowing what who God really and truly is and not applying it. Listen, listen, listen, there's going to come a time where you're going to have to make a choice. Yeah, you're going to have to make a choice. And some, I hear some of you saying, like, I'm done. This here is horrible. I'm in a messed up situation and this is horrible and I'm giving up, I'm quitting. I just don't know. Let me tell you something. That's the enemy talking to you. There's another fighting you. God is never, he didn't make you to quit. He didn't make you to quit. He built in hope in you. It's in you. Everything you need is inside of you. You have to tap into it. You have to tap into it. He's not going to tap into it for you. You have to tap into it. Oh, that's good. He's literally giving you everything you need. When he gave you his son and put him on that cross and it raised him from the dead and allowed him to come back and do the things that he did to give you hope. He gave you hope right there, right there. And so when God says when the father said to Gerald, I've given you my son. I've given you the greater. Wow. I've given you dominion. I've been giving you authority. Now you have to work this. You have to do something. You can't be lazy. You can't be given up because he didn't listen. God did not. He did not create anything to lose. My God, he didn't create you to lose. He gave you dominion. He gave you authority. If he gave you dominion and he gave you authority over every single thing, how do you lose? So we have to become hope seekers. Literally seeking hope instead of seeking despair because before we know it, we're looking for negative. We're seeking despair and instead become a hope seeker. I have to every day become a hope seeker like you're not. The door will be open. You see, you'll find. If you seek hope, you'll find it. If you seek hope, it's available. It's just where are you looking? Where are you listening? Who are you listening to? Be a hope seeker. So get up and seek hope. Look for it. I'm a hope seeker. I think we should make that a declaration. I'm a hope seeker. I have to seek out hope and make a difference in my relationship. Make a difference in my finances. Make a difference in my ministry. Make a difference in my lifestyle. I got to look for it. Make a statement. Because if we seek, we will find. Come on. That's biblical. Be over here knocking. Hey, let's not seek hope. Let's look for it. Be a hope seeker. And in despair, that's what annihilates it. There's a lot of hope. And we were when we were praying on King's prayer. That's a few weeks ago. That's the spirit we located as a root to things that should not be. As a root to so many things that are pulling us down, our King's down, whomever. And the answer is hope. It is. Having confidence and hope. And we really and truly don't want you to lose hope. We don't want you to lose hope. We don't want you to lose hope in your marriage. We don't want you to lose hope in God. We don't want you to lose hope in your faith. We don't want you to lose hope in absolutely anything. We desire for you to seek it. I mean, seek. Look for it. Look for it like you like you've never looked for before. If you're in a bad place, this is the time where you have to seek more than you ever have before. That means you have to do something that you've never done before. You can't keep doing the same thing and thinking that you're going to get a different result. Right. You're going to have to do something that's radical. You're going to have to do something that's life-changing. You're going to have to do something that goes beyond your comfort zone or the place that you feel that you can't do. Listen, God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all you think. Ask, ask, or imagine a moment. That's so amazing. So let's imagine because God's going to do more than that. That's the whole thing. When you start thinking of things, you start hoping. And then God is like, I can work under these conditions. I can move in that situation because there's hope there. Because there's hope there. We need it more than ever. I know we talk about love a lot. I know we talk about forgiveness a lot, but we don't talk about hope enough. I think we need to talk. I think we have to remind ourselves that hope is imperative for faith to start working. And maybe some of the things we're asking for, a lot of the things we're praying, a lot of things we're looking for, we're holding on for. It's God is waiting on us to hope again. To hope again, so our hearts aren't sick, so we can have the substance that makes faith. We've got to have it. So today, we just want to renew your hope. We want you to go in from a question to a statement. Yeah. State that I'm a hope seeker, state that I have hope. Yeah. In my marriage, I have hope in my marriage. In my spouse's deliverance, I have hope things can turn around. I have hope, like what statements can you make right now? Why wait? Make some statements right now, like literally open your mouth, type them in, whatever you have to do, but make some statements of hope. I have hope in God's word. I have hope in the promises. I have hope in the visions God gave me. I have hope in my spouse's bindingly. I have hope in my spouse's deliverance. I have hope that my marriage is turning around. I have hope that my marriage is getting better. I have hope for new intimacy, hope for friendship to be restored. There's so many things I have. I'm intentionally hoping. Intentionally. Yeah, I'm purpose. You have to. You have to do it on purpose. And check this out every day. Yeah. Every day because the enemy is always trying to deplete your faith and your hope. He don't want you to have faith in God and he definitely don't want you to have hope. He wants you to be, he wants you to be in despair. He wants you to be in panic, worry and anxiety because the ultimate goal is to kill, steal and destroy you. And so whatever is going to kill, steal and destroy you is what he wants. So if you stay in this place, is there hope and you stay in the place of a question mark, that means you're playing into his role. You're playing into his role. He wants us to question God. He wants us to question everything about the Bible. He wants us to question it because if he can give us a seed of doubt, a seed of doubt, then he knows he can, but he can, he can sway us. There was one question stated in Genesis at the beginning and it brought question marks throughout the whole Bible. Yeah. And what's interesting is let's make sure. So here's a trick of the enemy. Let's make sure we have more hope in the things that we can do than the things somebody else can do. Focus on ourselves. So focus on us. So yes, I may hope for someone else's deliverance, but let's put more on me because it would be even harder to hope that someone else does something than it is if I'm going to do something. So I hope I can forgive. I hope I can love differently. I hope I can pray longer. I hope I'm hoping in the Word of God for myself because otherwise we, oh, I hope my spouse does this, this, this, this and have this long list for somebody else. The hope has to be in our love for the Lord. The hope has to be in our relationship with God. The hope needs to be. So definitely put more on what you hope that you can do personally. And then, oh yeah, definitely you're still going to hope for your marriage and your spouse, but don't make it so much so that you're staring at them, waiting for them to do something. And it kind of takes us off the hook with the work on yourself. It actually empowers you because I can't decide what he's going to do, but I can't get up and decide what I'm going to do. So if we were hoping for more compassion, we know how to look for ways to love differently. We're hoping for more wisdom. We can read and study and understand things. And all of those things are things that we can actually get up every day and do. Because forgiveness is a decision. Love is a decision. Hope is a decision. Reading and studying. All of these are decisions we can make. And so every time we make a decision, it actually fuels us to hope again. To hope again and again and again. Like, okay, I just did that. I can do something else. If I do all my hoping on something you do, then I stare at you and you don't do it. It gives me more despair. But if I hope in something that I have control of, then I get up every day and do something hopeful. It's a momentum builder. It is. I love that. It builds up your momentum and it builds up your courage. It builds up your boldness. It builds up your faith. It starts to roll inside of you. And it starts to come up. And you feel you stand differently. You walk differently. You speak differently when you start having the hope. And you see these things are moving in you. And you watching God do these miraculous things in you. Because you are actually opening your mouth and hoping for these. You're all of these statements that we're making. We're hoping that God is going to put it. This is reminding me of my world. So when you bring him and remember his word, what do you think happens? Oh, I love it. What do you think happens? Especially when you open your mouth, he says speak. Call those things that be not as though they were. As you start speaking these things and you start hoping them. Because here's the thing. When you start hoping and you start saying it long enough. It changes. You really start believing it. Yeah, because faith comes by hearing. So making these hope declarations and will increase your faith because you hear it. Exactly. I love it. Exactly. I love it. So I hope we encourage, I hope. We encourage you to hope again. We encourage you to hope in the Lord. Hoping the things of God. Hoping, trusting what God is saying. Hoping your relationship, your marriage. Hoping in increased faith. It's beautiful. It changes your outlook. So let's change our outlook. Let's shift from the question to the statement. Change our whole outlook and allow others to see the hope in us. I'm trying to tell you. Because it really is contagious. Because if you come out of a question and go into a statement, you come into a whole new place. It is. You're going to an empowered place. I mean, when you say it, when you say it, you wholeheartedly believe it. You're not wavering. When you question, that's a waiver. You're not really sure. So you don't really, you're not mixing everything that you're the word of faith. You're not mixing all of that together. As hard as to believe when you're wavering. Yes. Yes. When you're straddling the fence on things, that's uncomfortable. That's uncomfortable. So true. So you need to be on one side or another. It's like, I'd rather for them to be hard of code than Luke 1. Because he spits out Luke 1. So you have to make a decision. If I do, I want to be a question mark or do I want to be a statement? I want to be, I want you to believe that you are a statement. So when you open your mouth and you start stating the word of God, that what you're saying is taking life because it's his word. And he is his word. So why would his word return void empty of vain when it's him? It shall accomplish. It shall accomplish what you believe, which he please. So you have to actually open your mouth. That's why the enemy wants you to be hopeless so you don't open your mouth. Come on. Hopeless people don't hope. That's so true. They don't hope they shy away. They quiet. They go into their own little place. They don't, they don't deal with a lot of people. So they just, they just, they try to fade away into the wall. And when we don't, we all know, without those declarations, things are established. Cause things being established because there's death and life in the power of the tongue. So God wants us to use the authority in our words. And when we allow a deferred hope to set in, you are so right. It causes us to close our mouths. Wow. So hope again, hope intentionally and be a hope seeker. Some of you need to seek out places to increase your hope. It really, it really is important. That's why we do what we do. We, I mean, once he gives the hope, then it's like, okay. Now I gotta intentionally put the work in. And that's why I come in. Now I represent more to work on help and help requires work. Cause change requires work. But when we have hope, it makes the work doable. Enjoyable, feasible. All those words are imperative to the journey. Yeah, you find things that's going to motivate you. Yeah. Things that push you, drive you things that you do. We do it in everything else. So let's do it in our manner. Yeah. I'm doing my marriage. What you call a board? A marriage vision board. A vision board. And then you start speaking. That was the family vision board. We got to make a new one soon. You start, you start speaking into it. And you start speaking. They work. You, you, you do a visual. You know, we thought, talk about imagining. You, you start imagining this thing. And, and, and, and I'm, and I don't mean imagine it. And with witchcraft, what I'm talking about. Imagine what God is able to do in you. In you to change, to, to, to be a person that can change or, or, or help assist someone else to, to come out of whatever. Because that's our whole, that's the ultimate job as an individual. As a child of God, as a servant of God. It's our job that our life mimics God enough that people are drawn to the God that's in us. So if, if we can't draw our spouse to us. But that, and because how about this? They know you better than the people on the street know. So it has to be authentic. It cannot be wishy-washy. It cannot be fake. It cannot be in and out. Because in and out, it makes you say, is there hope for this marriage? If it's hope, what, what are you doing? Wow. What are you doing? Not what the person. Because nine times out of 10, we say what's going on. The first thing comes out is about the other person. Oh, so, so true. It's never about, well, maybe, because I'm, I'm doing this. I'm saying this. I'm acting like this. I'm just, nobody comes to that place. That's so true. They don't come, they don't, they don't come saying that. The first thing they go is such, such, such, such, such, such, such, such, such, such, such, such. Can you believe that this happening? But when is it going to be a time when someone going to say, well, listen, I did this in this. I'm, I'm, I did this. This is my part. This is what I did. I don't know. Because you're trying to help get yourself better. So you can be able to help someone else get better. But if you, if you can't acknowledge what you have done or what you're doing, then how are you responding? Or how are you responding? How are you going to actually help someone else? That's bad. How's that going to work? That's bad. How's that going to work? So first of all, you get yourself delivered. Get yourself healed. Get yourself restored and reset back with God and going to allow God to do exactly what he said he'll do in anybody else, anybody else. What you thought was impossible. What other people have been talking about, well, he gone. He even gone for five years. He ain't never coming back. You need to go on about your business. But God says, I need, I need you to stand. And they'll get up. We use the word stand and he says, I need you to stand in the gap. Stand in the gap. You use, you just put stand there, but this means standing in the gap. I need you to stand in the gap. What are you going to do? It's going to take some work. It's going to take some time because now it's a work on you. Because if God says, flip the switch and have a phone call to come and you ain't ready. But you was in despair, but you were saying, we were playing hopeless. But if you open your mouth and you start declaring statements that this marriage is healed, this I'm a hope seeker. I'm a conduit of love. I'm a conduit of forgiveness. I'm a conduit of whatever, wisdom and knowledge. And so you start stating who you are. So when the time comes, it's in you. It's already, it's you don't build this thing up. You got a reservoir of information and knowledge of who you are. So when the time comes, ready, you got something to work with. You ain't depleted. You ain't sitting over there with a whoa as me. Amen. [BLANK_AUDIO]