The 1Life Podcast with Behka White

Episode 35 - Surrender

In Episode 35 of the 1life podcast, titled "Surrender," host Behka White shares her personal experience with a rare genetic disease that has affected her family. She and her husband are carriers of a fatal genetic mutation, and they have lost three children to the disease. Behka recounts the difficult decision to continue having children despite the risks, and how they ultimately surrendered their will to God, trusting in His plan for their family. Behka then discusses the concept of surrender as a way to cope with life's unmanageable challenges. She draws a parallel to the 12 steps of addiction recovery, emphasizing the importance of embracing reality, believing in a higher power, and surrendering one's will and life to God's care. Behka concludes by inviting listeners to explore these steps as a means of finding peace and strength in the face of adversity.

Duration:: 5m
Broadcast on:: 15 Aug 2024
Audio Format:: aac

Welcome to the One Life podcast with Becca White. I am your host in this episode 35, Surrender. Today, we are going to address the fact that life is never quite what we think we signed up for. When this happens, how can we survive? And is there a way to thrive? Fun fact, my husband and I are genetic mutants. On the PMT1 arm of one of the chromosomes, we have matching mutations. While we pretend that we have many superpowers, in reality, we have an abundance of fatal flaws. As carriers of the mutation, we will pass it onto our children 25% of the time, statistically speaking, and unfortunately, the disease is fatal. But I mean, life is fatal, right? So in our almost 28 years of marriage, we have been blessed with nine children, six amazing humans, and three angels who inherited the disease and lived very short lives. So much of our living has been shaped and molded by this undetected extremely rare condition. I will be sharing more about it in the future. Today, I wanted to focus on one of our experiences. So we had three healthy children before we were blessed with Jacob. Jacob is our first angel. He lived for nine months as the medical professionals tried to diagnose him, and we did everything to keep him alive. Several months after he passed away, I wanted another baby, not to replace Jacob because there is no replacing a loved one when they pass, but because having a large family was part of who I am and everything that I ever wanted. My husband Rob is incredibly wise and also very tender. He sees things clearly. So when I told him that I wanted another baby, it took him a beat to respond. Then in his very calm manner, he asked me if I was ready to lose another child. I told him that I would never be ready to lose another child. And he said, and I quote, then we cannot have any more children because if we continue to have children, we will have another sick one. I didn't really like that answer. So I began searching for a way to grow our family without playing the genetic lottery. That is us. So we visited option agencies and we looked into foster care and Rob was right there with me learning and supporting. None of the options felt right. In fact, they all felt wrong. And I came back to our genetic reality. I knew Rob was right. If we kept having children, we would have another sick one. I was going to have to be okay with that. So here it is. When life gives us the unthinkable, how do we not just survive? But is there a way to thrive? I do not pretend that I have all the answers, but I will share with you the process that I went through to arrive at my conclusions in hopes that it may serve others as well. For context, I'm going to lean on the AA's 12 step to addiction recovery because it gives a framework that we can utilize. So I will first read the steps and then apply them to my situation. So the first three steps are step one, honesty. We admitted that we are powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. Step two, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Step three, made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. The shorthand for the first three steps is I can't, God can, I will let him. So now let's apply those to my situation. So step one is honesty. So that is embracing reality. In my situation, for me, that was I am powerless over my genetic makeup. Step two, I came to believe that God can restore me and my family to emotional and spiritual health, even when we lose another child. Step three, I made the decision to surrender my will and my life to God. Now here's what that looked like in practice. We decided that we would rather have more children and lose them than not have them at all. We trusted God to send the children healthy or sick that were meant for our family and we would gladly open our hearts and our home. When we had a sick child, we would have them and love them as long as their little bodies could live and then we would let them go with gratitude for the time that we were allowed. And then we would trust God to restore us to emotional and spiritual health, as well as our living children. The strength the peace is in surrendering our will and lives to God, because before the surrender, it is me against the world. After the surrender, it is God carrying me through the world that he overcame. I can't. I can't. And I will let him. So today's invitation is this. When life gives you an unmanageable challenge, I invite you to explore the first three steps of AA's addiction recovery to your situation. As you surrender your will and your life to God, he will bless you with peace and strength to thrive in your circumstances. He will carry you through the world that he overcame. We only get one life. Let's make it our best. [BLANK_AUDIO]