C&Whit Podcast
Legally Blonde
- To see in witshow, I'm watching that for sure. - Oh, 100%. - I'm sorry, I'm a female, I do not do work. - I'm too rich for that. - We don't like violence. - Guys, I'm not gonna like brag or anything like that, but like, oh, it's my last shot. - Anyone else? - F*ck 'em. (laughing) - Welcome back, bitches. To another podcast, here we are with Miss Kirsten. - Hi. - We're gonna kind of folk with her, this podcast, because really I don't wanna hear about CMA Fest and the drama, like that's the last fucking thing I wanna hear if I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't care about who f*cked to, I don't care about. - I've never even been to CMA Fest. - I really don't care. So how have you been, I didn't give a little update about where you're at in life since recently. - I've been good, I've just been traveling the world, you know, just living my best single life and young life. All my friends have boyfriends. And I'm the only one that doesn't have a boyfriend. So I've always bit their seventh or tenth wheel in, you know? But other than that, you know, it's just been living. - You moved in with wit, 'cause last time we had on our podcast, she was talking about moving in. - Yeah, weren't we? - Yeah, she lives with me. - I do. - But she's never here, so it doesn't really count. - I did. - Can't keep up with her, we're like, hey, what are you doing? She's like, oh, I'm on my way to Canada, we're like, okay. - Okay, and then I'm gonna drive to Canada, but then I'm gonna drive all the way to Alaska. - Yeah, back. I wish I was here more, like I really do. After July, wait, yeah. I'll be here after July, like, all the time. 'Cause that's when summer ends, you know, that's when things are over, so I won't be leaving as much. - That's good. - Yeah. - You're good for your mental health, too. - Yeah, you know, it's kinda drained. - But no, how old are you? I forget, do you 21? - 24. - I'm 24. - She's mine. Old lady. - I just heard 24. - I was about to pull the card, you're still young. - Yeah. - So you hit our age, but-- - It's okay. - I didn't know. - We could give an excuse anyways. You're still young. - 24. - Traveling. - Dang, she's older than me. - Mm-hmm. - How fucked up. (laughing) - And everyone's having babies getting married and engaged. You know, and I'm just here. - She's like, yeah, I'm waiting for her. - Once you're kinda done traveling, I feel like that's when you learn to, honestly start settling down in life. 'Cause me and what? We travel like, if you met, you do. But like, when we did like the partying traveling, you do more business like traveling. - We were, yeah, we were like PCB. - All the rooms, yeah. - Nashville all the time, every fucking rodeo, every fucking festival you could think of. We were always there. Yeah, I wouldn't get no boyfriend. - And we were literally-- - I get too hammered. I'm like, "No, I'm single." (laughing) - We were all in one every trip. - Hammer'd every fucking time. I don't know how I-- - See, I wish I could've been there for that. I only gotta go out with you once. That was it. - Rock the self. - She was blasted. - I did me right on the ground, eating. We were all trying to protect her. - Oh, I did. - Everyone was taking pictures of her. - Oh, she was like-- - She was like, "We're there too, Haley." - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, no, we mean we'd have definitely had our times. See, I missed it. - I missed it. - Fucking hammered. Oh, cruises, trips. We literally had like the one-year memory breed just sent me, we were woke up in a fucking hotel with no windows. Mind you in a room with, "Take us out, but Rocky." I don't have any clothes on. She didn't either. - Oh my gosh. - We woke up, we were fucked ass up. - Yeah. - Walk of shame, like no other walk of shame before. - The night before, me and her hanging out and going out was like the first time we were starting to get noticed and it was like way too overwhelming. But we would take shots 'cause every fan would like-- - By his shots. - By his shots. - We were just, we were making out probably half the time, so no one would talk to us. It was at that point where we were just-- - We definitely had our fair share of drunkness funders. - We're ass. - We're not even gonna get us started. - I'm over it now though. Even before I was pregnant, we were like-- - Yeah, it's starting to get over. - We would be like, "Okay, let's go out," and that would be it for like the month. Like that was our time for like a great month. - It was at the point where we were trying to find boyfriends, but like we weren't trying to force anybody to like us 'cause you know, no one did, so we found some though. - Yeah, you all did, do that and they're good boys, so. - Good for you. - So let's just jump right into it. We're gonna play a couple of games with Ms. Kirsten because she's like the ditzy bitch. - Yeah, it's a great way to say it. - We're gonna play, are you smarter than a fifth grader? - Okay. - Okay, so now we're transitioning to this thing, this. - Okay. - I'm ready, are you smarter than a fifth grader? - Are you smarter than a fifth grader? I'm on a link. - She's probably not, but we're gonna try anyways. - Okay, but I graduated college on Dean's List. - She actually graduated, so. - Yeah, okay, parents, what do you do? - What are you doing? - Not, we would have had someone else. We would have hired some of you to do the classes. - Wait, what did you go to college for? - Criminology and nursing, but I didn't finish nursing. - What the fuck are you doing? So what are you doing, tick-tocking? - She's waiting, she's waiting 'til she's out of gas. - I got into criminology, I just don't want to use it right now and then I'm almost on my nursing degree, but I'm just gonna finish it whenever I feel like it. - She's waiting, she got time? - What are you doing? - I'm worried about it. - For you. - I'm just chilling, live in my life a little before I gotta work every day, you know? - Yeah. - If we ever run out of money moving in with you, what are we doing? Going back to school? - I'll find something. - I'm gonna be a, what are they called? - Okay, let's start off easy. - Okay, stay up. - What is the capital of France? - I have no idea. - I don't even know. - Paris? - Paris. 'Cause you gotta ask her. - Oh, sorry, I didn't even know. I got a stupider in the rock, so. Okay, what is the capital of France? - Paris. - Is that right? - Yeah. - Well, yeah, they told you. - Yeah, I know. - What do caterpillars turn into? - Butterfly. - Wow, this, hers is trivia questions for kids. (laughing) Might as are you smarter than a fifth, okay. What is the process of water turning into vapor called? - I don't remember. - You have to come in. - Water turning into vapor? Shut the fuck up. - Fuck, I don't know. - Evaporation. - I got one. What is the most, what is the most eaten food in the world? Like, the most eaten. - Yeah, pizza. - Oh my gosh, do you think what it's like? - It's rice. - I was thinking like burger beef. - I was gonna eat on a burger. - Burger is my second choice. - Yeah, but rice is like everywhere. Think of like, you can't get a store. What are you eating? - What, I'm not fucking growing rice in my backyard. - You might. - Good. - All right, this one's actually easy. Who wrote the famous play Romeo and Juliet? (laughing) - Kirsten. - I actually smell what I swear. I don't remember this. I was like, I really got a memory loss. Like, I'll study for a test the night before and memorize everything about paper. Go and take the test, get 100% the next day. Boom, it's all over. - It's William Shakespeare. - Okay. - Shakespeare. - Good to know. - I've never read a book in my life. - What? - Like you shouldn't have to. - I've never read a book in my life. I swear to God. - You need a dictionary. What is the yellow of an egg called? - Yolk. - Yeah. - One down. - One to go. Three wrong. - Let's see. - Name two orange vegetables. - Carrot. (laughing) - A pepper? - Good. - Okay, and what month do Americans go trick or treating? - October. - Yes. - There you go. Good call. - Okay. - They're doing great. - Ooh. - What gas do humans need in order to live? - Yes. - Oxygen? - Good job. - What is the name of Scooby's van? - I don't even know. - Oh, I don't remember. - Scooby-Doo. - I know. - What are they riding? - I don't know. - This says it on the side. - I don't know. I never watched a movie. - That is fucked up. - That is fucked up. - It's Mr. Machine. - Mr. Machine? - Mystery Machine. (laughing) - This one's good. - Good. - You watch movies? - Okay. - The plural form of the word deer. - Dears. (laughing) - What exactly? - I just peeped it. (laughing) - It's funny. - It's deer. (laughing) - Why does she say fucking life? - Duh. (laughing) - She said dears. (laughing) - I'm going. - I don't think I have a wet spot. - What is the largest muscle in a human body? - I remember this. I know this. - Largest muscle? - I don't want to say tibia. That's not even a muscle. - I don't even know what that is. - It's a bone. (laughing) - I don't. - It's making your heart. - That's your organ. - I don't know. - My leg muscle. - Your ass cheek. The gluteus maximus. - My glute. - There you go. - Okay, how many inches are on her foot? - 12. - Good. (laughing) - $5 foot long. (laughing) - Oh, this is a good one. You're probably never going to know this, but what insects is eight insects? Which insect is able to survive without its head? - An ant? (laughing) A cockroach. - You were. - I was going to say like lizard or something to be honest with you, because I thought they'd grow back. No, they're tails. - Because which animal has the most brains? - That's too hard. How am I supposed to know that? - These are kids. Animal quiz. (laughing) - What animal has the most brains? A tiger? - An octopus. - Yeah, like I knew that. - It has eight legs. (laughing) - Okay, this is tentacles. (laughing) Let's go up. - This is an easy one, legs. - Who's pictures on a $5 bill? - Okay. - Let's stop. I don't know. (laughing) - Yeah, I'm gonna look so dumb to these people. - Some of them, I don't know, but I know this one. (laughing) - What president will be home? - I'm looking at Tyler over on the corner hoping he'll tell me things. - Don't tell her. Okay, I'll give you a hint. What president is on? - The $5 bill. - The $5 bill. - Abraham Lincoln. - Good job. - Wait, really? - Yes. - I just guessed. - What is the capital of New York? - Mm. (laughing) - New York City? - New York City? (laughing) - I knew you were gonna say that. (laughing) It's Albany. - Albany, however you pronounce it. - Albany. - Albany, New York. - Oh my gosh. - Okay, we're gonna do some riddles. Okay, wait, I think I have to just find the-- - What's your favorite movie? - After series. - Is that a movie or a series? - It's a series of movies. - Oh, shit. - Okay, what has, this is a riddle. So you have to kind of think outside the box, okay? What has many rings, but no fingers? - Many rings? - R-rings? - Oh. - Why has many rings, but no fingers? - Many rings. - Many rings. - Oh, I got it. Is it sadder? - Mm-mm. - It's a phone, a telephone. - Ring, ring, ring, a little bitch. - Okay, so now we're just gonna, 'cause Whitney's kind of good at these riddles too, so she'll help out here soon, so I'm gonna say riddles, and they're gonna both try to guess them. Whoever guesses them will keep a point system. Whoever guesses the most, or just tell 'em we're bored. - It's food. - That's fine, or not for me. 'Cause apparently you all have food already on the way. You guys can get a big old hug. - Okay. - So, I'm always on the dinner table, but you don't get to eat me. What am I? - Plate. - Did you already get it? - You can try that. - No, you guessed, 'cause it's probably not right. You can, I feel like that's right. - Yeah, it is, plates and silverware. - I was gonna say, I was gonna say it. - I was gonna say it. - No, I didn't. - Okay, if you drop me, I'm sure to crack, but smile at me, I'll smile back. What am I? - A goldfish. - It's right, yeah, smile, I was back. - Wait, okay, do you want me to reread it? - An egg. - Okay, just think about the question. If you drop me, I'm sure to crack, but smile at me, and I'll smile back. What am I? - An egg, a goldfish. (laughing) - What makes you fucking think it's a goldfish? - I don't know, an egg. - It's a mirror. - Oh! - I'm still thinking about like breakfast, you know what I'm saying? - Let me get out of that. - That was good. - Okay, I have cities, but no houses. I have forest, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. - Land. - What's the whole the fuck on? (laughing) - I can't even remember this. - Okay, I have cities, but no houses. I have forest, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. What am I? - Pond. - A lake. Water. - I have water, but no fish. - A glass of water. - We forgot about the other three. I have cities, but no houses. I have forest, but no trees. - Land, sea and water. - No. - A map. - Wow. - Good job, Ellie. - Yeah, I can't, I was gonna even guess. - I was never gonna guess that. - What is, what's something that the more you take, the more you leave behind? - Food. - The more you take, the more you eat, the more you eat. - The more you eat, the more you shit. - The more you take, the more you leave behind. (laughing) The more I take, the more I leave behind. - Alcohol. (laughing) - You leave more alcohol behind than what you took. - I didn't sound fucking loud. (laughing) - Charlie, she's a great ass. (laughing) - What is something that you take? - Charlie, get down. - And you leave more behind. - You can't tell her the answer. - I did it. - I didn't hear it. - I didn't even hear it. - Oh my God, a snake. - That is awful. - No. - No, it's footsteps, y'all. (laughing) - Take more steps, you-- - Oh my God. - Oh my God. - Oh, okay. - Chris is gonna try this time and guess. I took the phone so I'll see what she says. What kind of lion never roars? - Lion never roars. - A baby cub. (laughing) - That's laughing, but I don't know the answer, but I know it's not like, what kind of lion? Never roars. - What kind of lion never roars? - A tiger? - Oh, doesn't talk. - I was, isn't it a lion though, because they don't roar? - Tiger's roar, don't they? - Yeah, wait. - Chris, you're wearing this one together. I just got my hair replayed. Are you ready? - Mine's fuckin' zooted. - A dandelion. - What? - Oh, that makes sense. - A dandelion. - A dandelion is not a lion. - Sometimes it's not literal, if that makes sense. - Okay. What has a thousand needles but cannot sew? - A thousand, okay, I've heard this one before. A thousand needles but cannot sew. A thousand needles. Porcupine. - There you go, she got it, she got it. - What? - Hey, what has a bottom at the top? - What has a bottom at the top? - Yeah, bottom at the top. What has a bottom at the top? - A lid? - No, that was good. - A bottle cap? - A lid? - Bottom at the top. - Bottom at the top. - Isn't that vicinity kind of or no, not really? - Um, kinda, no. - Bottom at the top? - You say it weird. - I make funny for it. - A toilet seat? - No. - Okay. - Eggs. - Close. The other one. - Legs. - Yep. - But I don't get that. - A bottom at the top, you're ass cheek is at the top of a lid. - Okay, okay, that makes sense. - What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? - Okay, I've heard this one a million times. - The one, I'm thinking, I don't have the fucking answer. I gotta think of it. - A snowman and a vampire. - Snowman, vampire. - Snowman. - I love it. - I love it. It is a frost bite. - Do you understand the game? - It's a game. - She's still thinking of logical, because she's thinking of where she read it in a book at school. - It's not logical. - Okay. - Yeah. - Go. - Ready? What's really easy to get into and hard to get out of? - A car. - I'm not understanding where it is. - I think she's thinking of working together. - I think you're getting as far as the same fucking way you're gonna get out. - I just think of the first thing that comes to my dog and insaneing. - What's easy to get into, but harder to get out? - Easy to get into, harder to get out. - I'm not gonna say it because I did hear them say it. So I won't. - Is it easy? - Give me a hand. - I won't end up gotten it. - Give me a hand. - Why is your son in time out? - Huh? - Where are you at? - This over here. - Because he... - A baby! (laughing) - A baby's gonna be getting you. You get pregnant. It's hard to push that thing out. - Yeah. - It's trouble. - You're thinking logical. Stop thinking logical. - We never saw a logical, some, let's do two, let's do like a femoral logical questions. - What gets wet while drying? - What gets wet? - Me. - While drying. - That plus? - It's so easy. - Now what gets wet? - Okay, that was logical though. So that wasn't a fucking good example. You should have gotten that. - What gets wet while drying? - What? - An air fryer. - Okay, okay. What room do ghosts avoid? Think about this, don't say it if you're not. - At the basement. - Okay, why would, why do you think that? Is it logical? - Yeah. - No. Get away, it's a riddle. - What room do ghosts avoid? Dose blasters? - Okay, our ghosts are live or dead. I'm gonna teach this to you. Okay, what is this room called? - A living room. - So, oh my god. - Oh, living room, I called it. - I told you. - 'Cause the ghosts are dead, let me grow. - Ooh. - This isn't that great sense. - Yes, yes. - That's it. (laughing) She said. - Oh, not around that one. - Okay, I got it. - Okay, yeah. - That was like a death trap or something. - So, what is the richest nut? - The richest nut? - Seaman? (laughing) - Oh my fucking god. Oh my fucking god. I can't, who's fucking good? - It's pretty rich, if you ask me baby. - That's solid, but it's a cashew. - That was good. - A cashew. - A cashew. - Yeah, but a cashew nut. - Cashew. (screaming) - She was about to argue with you about how it wasn't the richest nut. - No, it's not actual rich nut. - Cashew. A cashew nut. - Cashew. - Okay. - Phew. - Okay. - Walnut. - I can. - Walmart. - Okay, what kind of cup doesn't hold water? - Teak up. (laughing) - Is that good? - No. - It's a fucking cupcake. It's a teacupkin' whole fucking water. (laughing) - A cupcake. (laughing) - A cupcake. - How many? (laughing) - He's digging a hole. - Honey, China's out there. Lay down, baby. Thank you. How many seconds are in a year? - I am. - Not logical, baby. - Oh, okay, okay. How many seconds are in a year? - I don't know. Three? - Okay, what makes you think? - Actually, 12, 'cause there's 12 months in a year. - Good? - Was that right? - Yes! (screaming) - Did you tell her? - Nope. - Wait. I'm actually counting. When I say the word generous, how many seconds are in a second? - When things go wrong, what can you always count on? - You can count on me. - I can't. - What we do? - I can't do it. - Wait a minute. - You just did it. Unbelievable. - I know. - Unreal. It is gone. - When things go wrong. - What can you count on? - Right. (laughing) - Right, right, right there. - Are you joking? - Left or right? - Left or right? - Left or left? - It's your fingers. - It's your fingers. - It's your fingers. - What thing comes wrong? My fingers? Oh yeah. (laughing) - You can see it in her. - And she's like, and then she goes. - Well now that we have to send Kirsten back to college, I'm sorry, fifth grade. - My brain's right. - Okay, I'm having a bad memory. I'm actually really scared. - Maybe none of the things were about memory. - Okay, well, I'm actually usually, I'm really school smart. - I just didn't know what that was. - I know, but it wasn't common. - She's never heard a riddle. - Let me take a test for you. I promise I'll get you an A. - I believe you. No, you're smart. It was just funny because you wouldn't understand what I fucking meant to be fine. I'm really- - I don't know how street smart. - I'm not street smart. - Anywho, I'm actually pretty hungry. - Kirsten, we love you. This was fun. 'Til next time, thank y'all for watching. Have great vagina. - Love you.