I don't know what these two losers talk about because the only thing to talk about is the fact that there is a boys gone wild live podcast on the 30th of September at Mof Club, Hackney East London. There should be a link at the buyer with Charlie Zoon his job right? Get it, buy the tickets, bring your mums, bring your cousins, bring everyone. It's going to be a horrible, horrible, lovely time. See you all there, buy tickets. [MUSIC] Welcome to the Dick Cast with, that's my joke. That's my joke. We've Don Bulsmell and Peter Smiggy. Sorry, you cannot get so off to eat with, that's my joke. That was my joke. You tell the joke. I wanted to start. Why don't you tell that joke then? Welcome to the Dick Cast with your host, Bulsmiggy and Don Bulman. There was actually, yeah, there was no reference to Dick. There was no reference to Dick's in the name, it was just Bulsm. Today we're talking about Scrotum. Have they gone too far? Scrotum. Have they gone too far? Sponsored by? Scrotwipe. Oh, no. Sorry, you put me, if baby's put in the corner, you buy- That is good as great. This is Q&A. Hilaria B, Spanish, funny. Which of you would win in a duel? Now, what's the weapon of choice? I would win in every single one. The only one I think, if it was naked fists, I think you'd have it because of your, I think you- How sharp they are. How sharp they are, but I also think you have more of a desire to live than I think. Anything that guns, fencing involves- Anything that requires equipment, imagine you in a one, two, three turn, Old Western style. You wouldn't hit the target once. Andrew, Andrew would win. I would win, but if it was bare knuckle, fight to the Deferatia would win because he has more of a desire to live. I've actually seen that because we used to have like, you know, fights, fun play fights. I'm like a gay pro at school but kind of. It would be like, you know, they'll be tickling involved and things like that. You know when things just escalate? Don't do it, do it there. Don't do it, do it more. It was when we would throw each other's shoes out the window, kind of thing. And then it would escalate. Horatio sees red quite quickly, but so do I. But it's more my action-reaction mantra. It was an ethos. Yeah, it was an ethos, which is if, for example, if Andrew pushes me, I'll make sure my responsibility- You'll shut me. Oh, to be honest, it's pretty heavy, but I'm like Israel. My mantra for progression is Israel. Whatever you do to me, I'm going to do so much worse. A war criminal. Yeah, no, 100%. Yeah, no, so there's a ferocity that comes out of a ratio that you'd probably be surprised with. Yeah. That when pushed he will, there is that there's a glimpse- And pushed he'll give you a push at least twice as hard back. Yeah, because there were times when you do a fairly minor thing, but no, they were annoying. Yeah. I think they're like, you know, flicking the ear kind of thing. And then suddenly you're in a bin. Yeah, it sounds like we're in the bino. Right. So we've put involves any equipment me if it's bare knuckle Horatio. John's got Cox. What's the job you'd most like to see replaced by AI slash machines? And why is it real estate agents? Well, I actually don't have that much hatred for real estate agents. Yeah, as you said, I don't know, I guess I'm wrong. Yeah. But I've no, I guess I haven't really encountered them enough. They just show you around a house. Yeah, I mean, I guess- Did you have problems with yours? Not really. I guess, I guess when you said, I don't have any problems with estate agents, it was kind of the first time I've had anyone say that. And I did kind of pause and say, I guess I haven't exactly had bad experiences. I've never had a bad experience. You just sort of feel like they're- It's because we know one and we don't like him. No, no, but it's more like, no, because that's more applied to everyone hates estate agents. I know. They're like traffic wardens, I guess. People don't hate traffic wardens. Oh, no. Wait, I'm thinking of a traffic warden as someone who like- You know, a lollipop lady. I'm thinking of a lollipop lady. No one hates a lollipop lady. Everyone loves lollipop ladies. Everyone hates traffic wardens. Estate agents, the problem is, is it feels like they met their money off a commission and they're like a middle man that can often- They don't care about- They're on pop prices of rented properties. That's landlords. That's not estate agents. Well, everyone hates landlords the most. Yeah. Right. They're closely associated with it. And I guess the way estate agents often, not to generalize, will be people who maybe didn't do the best in school, but then have this attitude that because they wear a suit and they are putting a down payment on BMW that they're the shit in the Wolf Wall Street. It's always the cars that make it the worst. So I guess that's why we- Charlie's pulled something up. I'm going to read out every search Charlie makes because they're always mental. His searches- By the way, of the last four episodes- Wait, five episodes. Throughout every episode, Charlie does just bring up stuff for us to talk about. We've only started talking about 20% of the most of the time. They're completely irrelevant. It's all- It's- It's chaos in the back up. It's great. It's perfect. Because we like the option, but he's very rarely right. But every- So this search he's done is, is there a lollipop man? Good, good. That's a good question. Is there a lollipop man? What does that mean? Well, a lollipop lady is a very gendered working job. Right. In Australia and the United Kingdom, a school crossing supervisor or school crossing patrol officer is commonly known as a lollipop man. I've seen lollipop men. Is the question, who is the most annoying people to interact with and you'd want to change that? What job is it in your life that would just be the best to have it completely automated, I guess? Right. For your daily process? For my daily- Oh God. Um, I guess maybe- Hookers. Hookers. Prozzies. Next one. Yeah. Do you guys really not experiment with it? Do guys really not experiment with it? It's bright. Great start. Do you guys- Are you guys not gay? Do you guys- Do you guys really not experiment with their sexuality as much as women, brackets, e.g. kissing each other? Or are they just more coy about it? I would maybe argue they are more just more coy about it. I think women probably experiment more than men. But they experiment in a different way. Actually, I know far more- Yeah. It's times that people I know. I know far more guys who are things girls. Exactly. And I think- Yeah, I don't know. I do know girls. It's from our upbringing. I do think- I do think- It feels like with our- It did it feel like at school it was a kind of remarkably- The women were remarkably straight. Way too straight. Do you know what I mean? Agreed. It feels like as a- Just a group of people, it seems weird there wasn't more lesbians there. That's true. And as I've often said in this podcast, I want more lesbian friends. And part of it is because I went to school which weirdly just didn't- Maybe it was our year group for some reason. We weren't churning out lesbians. It was like the amount of just straight women we know from that school. And in comedy, everyone has an element of queerness now. And it's so much more regular. But I think about my home friends, it's just they're all straight women. They're straight as hell. And then the guys, they're straight but there's clearly some gay news there. We've all been there. We've all been there. We've all done the dirty deed. Charlie, let's go to our senior correspondent. I have a take. Go for it. I think more girls will like kiss each other like in parties. But they might not take it further. Yeah. Whereas guys will go further but more really. Guys, we'll skip the kissing phase. Yeah. Because it's more like I wonder how this dick feels in between my lips. Well I guess maybe experimentation for men, it's like a Lord of the Rings-esque journey. It's a quest. What's Mordor? They're famous. Yeah. And they're going to just flab around the same path. I mean, if you think about it, the analogy works almost perfectly. They're trying to put the ring in Mountain Dew. I mean, it's unbelievable. So this deep personal, at times upsetting, confusing journey. But it feels like experimenting for a woman. It feels like a frolic in the park. It is. But men are going to get down into Mordor. That's very true. It's quite a male whole wrenching kind of like identity, like, confusing. But I think it's also quite a male attitude to be like, I'm going to do what I'm going to fucking do. You know what I mean? I'm not going to like just kiss. I love you, brother. Like no one's loved anyone before. But what does this mean about myself? And then girls is like, whoo. Let's do it. Take a picture. Take a picture of it. Whereas guys are like, don't tell anyone that's ever happened. Yeah. I feel like men probably, I reckon, from my experience, men do it dirtier. They actually get into it. It's like, if I'm going to do it, let's fucking do it. Whereas girls, it's like, because it's well, it's more socially acceptable to be honest. And it's kind of a bit of a cheap thrill for girls to, oh, look, the girls are kissing. Well, it's like, oh, Tom's got dick snobbing his mouth. Why is it called dick? And it's partly because within the male gaze is, there's a, it's built in there for lesbians are built into the male gaze as like, isn't it hot? These two girls kiss? Yeah. It's not built into the female gaze, men kissing. Look, Paul and Tom are getting with each other. That's so hot. Yeah. These two guys kissing. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's, it's creepy, it's creeping in. But the way that women like to see men kiss is it's more the emotional side. Like, yeah, there's like, I think I know a lot of women who would be turned on by the idea of two men just like being so free or more like, they're just like, it's like emotionally ruining them that they're doing it. But there's like a real intensity of friendship. Yeah. As opposed to like, damn, four ticks instead of two. Yeah, that'll do. Yeah, lots of bums. Right. Next question. I can't read you go. Right. Here we go. This is a long one. Ollie Lewis, at what age should a single man give updating for a long-term partner and accept a bachelor lifestyle of sports car slash pool table in living room slash crypto trading slash golf holiday slash alcoholism slash smoking cigars slash being obsessed with the gym slash getting Botox and calling his friends with families, friends with families, boring or very wet when they refuse to go to nightclubs in an attempted child younger women. I think it's 38. Let's just stop at what age should a man give updating for a long-term partner and accept a bachelor lifestyle? Oh, right. So he's saying, well, what point do you give up? 38. Okay. Is that same? Fuck it. I'm not going to have a family. I'm just going to accept that I'm a bachelor, right? Well, it's interesting because it is a, I guess it's a male privilege. And it does feel that does feel very unfair that you kind of can sort of me and her and fuck around. Yeah. And then you could just land on your feet. Well, the whole difference between a bachelor and a spinster is incredibly unfair. It does feel like a very biologically unfair. It's Miss Havison, but Miss Havisham versus Patrick Bateman. Yeah, literally it's because I feel like when women reach 30, then they're, you know, if you do want kids, obviously, there's a biological clock. Yeah. With men, you can sort of be a complete fuckhead. And then you're like 45 years old family. Yeah. And you meet, you know, a Boston 21 year old personal opinions of what age should a man give up never? I don't know. I find it personally always look for love. I personally, the older I get, the more tragic I find older matchless. Yeah. As a personal preference, it gets tragic for a certain amount of time probably around that age. But once you hit 60, if you're still kicking it, God bless you. Yeah. I feel like he gets back. They comes back again. So around 38, it's a bit sad. But once you hit 60, those are the dark years, those 12 years are dark. Once you hit 60 and you're still a bachelor, God bless you. Right. Next question. Annie L. Do you and Andrew no longer live together? Yes. That's an easy question to answer. No. And who is the better housemate, Lord Andrew or Lord Horatio? It's me. Yeah, it's me. You'll put maybe a worse housemate uni. I was an awful housemate uni. Yeah. Now you're better. No, Horatio is technically a bad housemate. But I never get defensive and I don't know delusion. He accepts. He accepts what he's wrong. Nice and quickly. And I know it's actually is not accepting. I'm wrong. It's assuming. I assume I'm always wrong. It's actually quite different. When I came, I don't even, I don't actually think about what you've said. I just assume that you're right. Because you assume I'm keeping track of things. Because it was when we left the house, when we left the house, I said, Oh, did you pick up my black speaker? Yeah. And he went and Horatio was like, Yeah, yeah, I think I did actually. I said it's a JBL, one of those long, sausagey kind of ones. But that's because he was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll bring it to the next podcast. And I was great. I lost it. I was like, perfect. So he had it. Of course he did. And Horatio was like, Of course, I've taken that speaker. Yeah. And then he then came and then gave it to me. And it was like a non JBL, this great kind of fat speaker that he got for his birthday. Yeah, it was my speaker. He just presumed that he'd fucked up, which is because most of the time he has. Yeah. In fairness, most of the time he has. But no, Horatio is technically a bad housemate. But you it comes from his ADHD dyspratic place. So you can forgive. That's the thing. A malicious housemate you can't forgive. Yeah. I certainly don't do anything out of spite and I'm not creative. No, no, no, no, no, no. Next question. Ass. Ass. If you were gay, didn't you be attracted to each other? It's an interesting one. It's a tough one. You don't, I don't know what I've been. What I've been to be honest, would we work as a couple? If I was me? I don't know. I think it's a big win. Yang is like, you know, you're the scaffy one I'm the organised one. We look at gay couples. But we're very, very, no, I'm we're gay in this world. No, but you look at, I'm saying look at dynamics of successful gay couples. What is it? I guess it's top and bottom. I guess. Yeah. I don't know. It doesn't have to be. We could share duties. Yeah. Honourably. We're both tops at the same time. We're both tops. Yeah. Yeah. I feel. Hmm. I don't know. I think maybe. I think we, I think if we were gay, we would confuse friendship for the, for attractive, for attraction. How regularly does that happen? I guess in the gay community, it must have more and more. I guess it, it becomes, I think sex becomes less big a deal if you're gay is what I see. Yeah. It's like less kind of like serious in that way. But this isn't the question, would we have sex? The question is, do you think you'd be attracted to each other? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe. I think I'd, I think I'd probably want a, a thicker boy. Yeah. I'm not sure. I think, I, yeah. I, if you're gay though, I, if I was gay, I'd probably be a better shape because I'd have to. You're not a bad shape. It's more just like, I think, no, it needs to be muscle though. No, because I'd want a twink. But twinks need to be pretty. You need to be a bit perd. Yeah. No, I think it seems like, and also it feels like when people I know come out as gay or queer or bi, they just suddenly are in great shape. Yeah. It feels like as soon as it's like, all right, I'm queer, then it's like, it was like the thing that wasn't giving it away was them being in bad shape. Addressing badly. We're staying in the closet. Suddenly. Yeah. They stop, they stop shopping at top, man. Right. Next question. Marcus Pepperale. How many swords is too many swords? Bracket's two own. My flatmate has five. I'm not sure whether I should be jealous. Like it's. These are the kind of, this is what I imagine is a good, this is a listener of the boys going, wow, this one, like these are the kind of flattening on flatmate owns five swords in his concern. That's definitely our clientele. I would argue, I, maybe I'll have a controversial opinion on this, but I would argue that one sword is too many swords to own. I think it's the, it's the biggest red flag. Neither a creep who wants to use it or you're a creep who likes collecting. Now, what's worse? One sword or five swords? One. Okay. Well, actually, oh, it's tough. One, one might, one might presume intent to use. Five, you're sure he's collecting them. Yeah. So in terms of intent to use and like concerns about murder or assault, one's definitely better. I, but then. I wouldn't be jealous of a man with five swords if I'd be real. I wouldn't be jealous of a man with any sort. I would be concerned. So the answer is because you mean they're samurai swords, right? What other swords you have? They'd better be better. I mean, I guess we haven't seen these swords, have we? Because I mean, you're just, you're, you're acting like this, but then you might see his collection be like, that's just pretty much my story in the history, right? And then you might get a bit jealous. What are you typing in, Charlie? Types of good swords. He raced down the keyboard. It's funny because it's such a quick type as well. Types of good swords. Best of session, Katana. That's a samurai sword. What would you say for the best of thrusting is? In your opinion. Yeah, a Roman sword because of the way it's built. I'm all just like we could just pretend that we know the answers. But it's gladious. For me, the best of cavalry is the scimitar. Yeah. But there's, I know a lot of people think it might be the long sword. I, I kind of, all of these makes it. I know all of these swords. You know all of those swords. I know all of these swords. Okay, just so the people at home, the Katana. The Katana is a samurai sword. The gladious. That would be a Roman gladiatorial sword. So that would be like with the pommel at the bottom and... Can you, the pommel? The pommel at the bottom. Oh my God. Yeah. So I know that sword. What's happening? A long sword will be a massive heavy... Well, anyone could know that. Yeah. A rapier is what they use in fencing. Yes. I know that because of the Olympics. And would you not know a Katana? Absolutely. Never had it in my life. In answer to the question, I, when I'm, my friend's dad, a friend of the pommel's person, when his parents got divorced, his dad moved into a flat in, in London Bridge. And on the wall, he had all the classic posters. I, you know, the one with the naked ladies when they're sitting by the swimming pool and it's got all of the albums, whose albums are they? Well, we talked about this before, which is that the unique sort of art that are recently divorced as well. But everyone has, they all have that thing. Pink Floyd. It's Pink Floyd at that one. So he moved in and he had that and suddenly he developed an interest in having like a samurai sword on his wall. So anyone that, it's not, it, it reeks of a midlife crisis, essentially. Or it reeks of being stifled by a woman in her taste. It's like now, now the wife's not here. I can get these naked ladies up with Pink Floyd on their backs and I can get a samurai sword because it's like, it's like, I think getting divorced is like reverting back to a seven year old boy. Well, you revert back to the last time you were single and for most men, married men, that can often be like 122. So I'd have like pictures of Kelly Clarkson on my wall. Megan Fox, Megan Fox, Kelly Clarkson and Cheryl, Cheryl Carl. And who's the one from, um, Jessie J? Georgie Porter. Georgie Porter. Right. A fine array of women. How many sort of your collection can be an array of posters of the wind? Do we want to see Kelly Clarkson? Do you want to see my array of attractive women? Here they are. And by my collection, Alex Mailen, Alex is mailing in this question, not via the post though, via the internet. What do you think is the largest animal you can realistically be in a fight to death? A good question. Good question. Do you think? Yeah. Largest animal. Goat. Well, we're talking mass, aren't we? So I think we're talking mass height width. So it's density suit because the goats are quite aggressive and that you're not that big. You're not backing yourself against a goat. No, but they... We've got no way. I'm saying you can go easier. You can go easier and bigger. Right. Goat is aggressive and quite small. Yeah. So you'd probably want to go, what's big but docile? Here's a controversial one that I actually think is possible, a giraffe. They're docile, but they're fucking huge. Hit him in a good tackle beneath the knees. Get him on the floor. They'd crush you. They're huge. Yeah, they are pretty big. But it's the right kind of thinking. I think you really got to find. You basically, we need to get a graph with aggression and size. And we need to find like a novel. In the background, Charlie's just playing man jobs over goat charging towards us. I don't know what this is going to help us with. Thanks for getting that up, Charlie. Yeah, it was really good to see play that video was. I think you should have to edit in everything you searched by. You go on. So if we actually had this axis of most aggressive with density as one axis and the other one's aggression. You've always got to bring graphs into things. I guess the worst one you'd want to fight is a honey badger. Do you know about the honey badger? Yeah. Honey badger is the most. That's actually, I'm a big Steve Bakshaw fan. And he knows Steve Bakshaw. Yeah, is he the top deadly 50? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Honey badger, for people who are into dead animals, honey badger is the goat. His answer was... Because they can fight off like five lions. His answer to a question, if you had to put an animal in the room of your worst enemy, what would it be? And he said, "Well, I don't really have any enemies. I think I'm a nice guy." Great answer. But if I don't answer for the guy... We're not here to talk about the social life, we're going to talk about animals. No, he would say he said honey badger. They're tight at the most aggressive creatures of us and there's amazing videos online of them fighting off five full-grown lions. Yeah, they're gnarly little cubs. Really tough skin as well. So they, yeah, they would be, on that scale, they'd probably be on the worst. Pray-a-mantis would also be there. Yeah. Just for... I guess I'm off-skit-o as well. Yeah, but... No, absolutely. They can... What's a big animal? So, I guess, what's a big stupid animal? Shh. I go for a sheep over a goat. Yeah. Because sheep, I don't think, can do anything. I think they just stand there whilst being hit. Cows? I've heard someone say... No, keep people die. People die every year from cows. This keeps coming up. I think the guy from deadly 100 was asked, or someone was asked, "What's the most dangerous animal in the UK?" And I say, "Cow, it makes sense." Yeah, I saw the same thing. Brilliant. Yeah. I don't know how this sheep patch up keeps coming up and it's, yeah, cows. Yeah, cows. All over Griffith Smith, what is the worst of best jobs you've seen you and your friends get at 16 years old? That's interesting. The better question would be interesting in general. What's the worst? Well, the worst job. This is our main, isn't it? Poodiver. No, the worst job you or your friends have got. We don't know a poodiver. We don't know a poodiver. We don't know a poodiver. Why is a poodiver? No, I know, like, where, but where are they actually diving? Like straight down there? They're, they're, they're maintenance men who have to face sewage tunnels and it involves basically they're specialized scuba divers who dive through human-esque excrement. I can't imagine that. Blue. There it is. I can't even imagine it, my next question is bloody out. This is from Cam Blackwood, voice note. Hey, lads. A long time listener, first time voice note. I wanted to pose a question of a philosophical nature to you that bothered us on a six hour car journey, a group of four of us. Shout out to the power of four. How fast do you think Mo Farah could run a marathon backwards? So he is given a guide, but the guide is just there to advice him of any potholes or small animals or other obstructions in the road. The guide is not there to give many kind of tips or warn him about anything that isn't going to be a danger to injury. Um, chat GPT, you can skip past this if you don't want to know about chat GPT says that they reckon he could do it in four hours and 20 minutes. I reckon he would do it in four hours and 45 and see your guys' takes on this. Yes. It's interesting that there's like 20 minutes difference. I thought we might be talking hours, squiggling over. So it's not a fundamental difference. The power of four, is that the name of your group? He said shout out the power of four. Yeah, I guess it was. So that says like he's gang that he's taking tricks. That's what he's doing. Six hour car journey. So where? All right. Shout out the power of four. Shout out the power of four. Charlie, could you please look up how Mo Farah is fastest time in a marathon? So he ran two hours. Two hours, five minutes and 11 seconds. That's like, that's linking quick. So I guess chat GPT just doubled that then a little bit. Someone, someone just broke the two hour barrier, I think. I'm pretty sure. Now it's such a long time to run backwards. I think you can't just double it and add a little bit. Oddly. You probably have to triple it. Triple? No. They run very, they were, they run very fast and fairness. Like their jog is not a bloody jog. It's backwards. I know that's what I'm saying, but I think weirdly running backwards takes out some of the cardio because it's such an inefficient way of traveling that you're not going to be able to pump your heart enough. Do you know what I mean? But you, it's not going to be as fast as running forwards or you positing that maybe. I think you'll do it quicker. No. Obviously not. But I think there's, there's, I think the gap between me and Mofarra running a marathon would be significantly decreased if we were both running backwards. And the reason for that is because you, it's not about cardio. It's less about cardio. It's more about technique. Yeah. The cardio is obviously going to come in. Yeah. Because it's going to be a nightmare. Yeah, it would be a nightmare. Running backwards for five hours. So it's good that Charlie's pulling up Mofarra's kids because I think it's important for us to know his offspring before we dive into this conversation. So what was the time? It was two hours and four minutes. Five apologies. No. No. No. He goes off the page and no. So two hours, five minutes and 11 seconds. You're doubling it. But that's his, I think it's a cold, I think it's a cold, hard double. No, five hours and a half, I'd say. I think cold, hard double it. I think nothing wrong with a cold, hard double four hours, four hours, 10 minutes. It's approach to this question. Wow. It takes close as long. Okay. Just double it. Next question. You're still caring. Yeah. I actually stopped caring a few minutes ago. This is from Zach. Hi, boys. I think you can hear my current dilemma. It's what? 9.30 p.m. on a Sunday evening. I got home at four. And I think they just started. This has been the seventh day. It was great on Monday. I sat outside with a beer and pretended I was on the beach. And now I want to throw myself off the balcony of my apartment onto the lead singer, like a giant game of Lorne Docks. Any ideas on how to make it stop? Cheers. I got a little confused. Did you know everything? Do you know what happened? The problem with that was he's given us a beautifully little information there. Because the biggest shock was that he just arrived home, which implies that that band are his flatmates. Run it again quickly. Sorry. We're gonna have to go back. We're gonna have to go so we can all understand. It's a great voice note. Hi, boys. I think you can hear my current dilemma. It's what? 9.30 p.m. on a Sunday evening. I got home at four. I think they just started outside his flat. Yeah, he seems to be living on top of some sort of Greek Orthodox band. What is that music? Well, more information is required to answer this question. Well, also, he said his thought about how he could make it stop was jumping on it like a giant londar which implies they're below. This is the whole stink bomb question. This is the whole stink bomb question. For those of you that you don't know, there's a patron episode we talked about. Yeah, Paddy lives in this new place and there's new people outside of his flat who are talking really loudly into the late hours, dancing, dancing, merriment, et cetera. And his solution to this was to throw a stink bomb at them. My response was you have to ask them to be quiet before you throw a stink bomb. Otherwise, they don't know what the stink bomb is about. Otherwise, it just looks like someone's thrown a stink bomb and it could look like a hate crime because they recently appeared. So I wouldn't advise to go for the londar again because that looks, you need to establish why you're doing it or else it looks like some sort of accident. Now, do you, when you bring up the first warning, bring up the fact, if you don't stop, I'm going to do a londar before. Paddy's thing would work. If you don't shut up, I'm going to get a stink bomb. Is that what you say in the first time you tell them to stop? Second time, second time. I would do third time. First time make it stop. Second time, if you don't make it stop, I'm going to jump on you. I'm going to jump on you. And the third time, they've made their bed, they've got to sleep in it. Then they've got to stink in their stinky stinky. So we're saying, jump on them like a giant londar, whatever that is. But make sure you just got to have a warning system in place to give them the fair shake. The problem is, because they don't know that you don't like the music. It's, I think, it's very odd music to live around. And most people have to put up with maybe, like, you know, most of the time, it's young people playing dance music too loud through their speakers. In a way, it might be quite nice that this folksy band is playing. But Sunday at nine, and this kind of vague, "Hey, I'm nine." Or an eight-year-old with the pushy mother learning the piano, because if he doesn't, he'll get shunned. Yeah, so it's like Beethoven played with wrong notes all the time, but really forcefully. He's getting smacked for getting A-minuses. Yeah, you know. Yeah, okay. Yeah. I wouldn't want that kind as well. Maybe try and change your music taste, because, like, you know... Or adapt. Adapt. Well, the strongest creatures, the most... The creatures that are most like... We don't need to... It's not the strongest that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the most adaptable. But most adaptable. But most adaptable. Yeah. So you've got to remember that. To survive in this world, you've got to adapt the change around you. There is maybe... Maybe we're in for a kind of Greek folk movement in music at the moment. I'm seeing it everywhere. I'm seeing... Well, I'm seeing it at that guy's house. But, you know, it might be quite nice to come home to live music, and that's a tough one. I got home at four. That's... Four. I think they just started. No, that's torturous. That's one of the worst music you can play. You're going to have to launder them. I think launder them immediately. Give no explanations to see what happens. Right. We're going to end with this very long voice note. It's two minutes. I would like a little bit of voice-centric advice surrounding how to logistically organise the Hot Girl Summer that I'm currently having. Because, basically, I've recently started dating, and when I say dating, I mean, I'm going on a different date almost every single day with a different person. And I'm loving it. I'm literally having the best time. And I recently went back with one of my dates, and we, like, slept together, and it's, like, awoken something in me. And I'm like, "Oh, my God, I want to have, like, casual sex with loads of different people for the next few months." So, essentially, I want to build a little harem of men around London. But I don't really know how to go about it communicatively, i.e. how transparent should I be with these people? Because I'm a little bit autistic, so I just want to be really candid and be like, "I want to do this. Do you want to be a part of this?" But I understand that's not how everyone, and, like, not everyone wants that question posed to them in that way. And so, I don't know how, like, what do boys want to know? What do boys want to hear if, you know, if they're going to be a part of a situation like that? Because I do like them. It wouldn't be, like, a massive group. It would be maybe, like, five, maybe, or six, I don't know. And I've got my, like, candidates, but I just don't really know how to embark upon it without it feeling like I'm misleading them. So, yeah, what do you say? How do you speak to boys about this? How do you build a harem of men where that's the goal? What do you say? What do boys want to know? Please help me. I trust you deeply. Thank you. Love you, bye. Thank you so much, Natalia. That's a great one. It's impossible to mislead with perfect communication. Okay, but she's autistic. She's not autistic. She just wants, she just honest. She says it says how it is. Well, you've got it, like, if you're going to build a home, you've got to have directness, but they also, there's a lot of double standards, men, and they get very insecure. Yeah. Yeah, but that's the ones you want to avoid. Exactly. If you're going to build a home, you've got to build the right voice. Seemingly sleep with every boy in London, there's going to be all types. And if you try and sleep with every boy in London to build a harem, and then you're going to get loads of rejects, but you'll get five. One thing I will say is that it's great to hear someone who's really enjoying dating and casual sex, because it does feel like a lot of what I've been hearing for a lot of my single friends and stuff, or just the state of dating at the moment, it seems to be people are very not enjoying the casual nature of it. So what I would just, as a side point, say, if you are enjoying it, lean into it, lean into it, because I don't know how long that will last. It often seems quite fleeting, especially when you're single, it's inconsistent how you emotionally, how you feel. So I'd say, if you're like, I'm really enjoying this, really try and savor it, because I don't know how long that will be. Yeah, I agree. I agree. That's true. In terms of the direct thing, you want the right boys in this harem. If the harem's only going to work, if I pick in a five or so, I think that exactly is picking the perfect five or so, I think the harem's only, you've got your left back, your speedy winger, your striker at the top, do we need to say anymore? No, you've got to get the right boys in the harem on the harem's not going to work. You know, if you want a harem, then you're not going to want the baggage of having to pretend that you're actually interested in a relationship with any of them. Do you think, girl, and tell them, and if they're not into it, then cool. That's not what you want. Benham. In general, get him in the skip in the rucksack. A big problem men are finding is that they want casual sex, and most of the women there with want something more serious. That seems more common. They will become insecure about it. But it's more like it's a more common problem. So try and find men who are also on this hype who are sick of meeting women who want more serious things, and actually take advantage of the fact that you're going to play them at their own game. There's loads of men doing that. I'd say Philip with men doing casual sex. It doesn't have to be a gender competition. What do you mean? Well, it doesn't have to be played them at their own game. It could be free in a month. I mean, it's more like if you're feeling this way, there's so many men who also feel that way. It's true. So I just say take advantage of that. And it might have a lot of men who don't feel that way. Exactly. It seems like you're very worried about their feelings. But don't, but also don't feel bad about if you hurt their feelings with it. If you've gone too far into it, and then you suddenly say, by the way, I've got a high arm of four other guys, six other guys, then you know, that could be a problem. If you're open from the very start, then who cares? Do you know what I mean? Then they have the prerogative to say, I'm into it or I'm not into it. So it's actually what you are. It's like the transfer season. It's the transfer season and you're looking for players on loan. You're not looking for transfers. You need to find the right loan squad to build up. But you don't want to get on loan, you know, a star of a big team who's going to feel like, I'm not ready. You know, this position is beneath me. You want someone who's happy to be there. You want the Oxford United striker, who is 16 years old, maybe making me better. You know, a 16 year old young buck who's ready to be here. No, I'm ready for this opportunity because this is what I want. This is the best for my career. Yeah. You don't want the, you don't want the prerogative strikers going, this, I'm above this. I don't want this. Yeah. So it's all about the, it's all about the scouting process right now. Yeah. You need to, you need to, you're almost like doing an interview, but ask the question immediately, maybe not the first question. I'd have sex with them first. Yeah. Then, then ask. It's more, you enjoy yourself. You've got a blessing for whatever you choose. Go forth. Well, she wasn't asking for our blessing. She's asking how to address the blessing. Yeah. Which is, address it, I think is the answer. Get the right boys in. So Will RM asks, would you rather start tripping really hard every time you're in public or be constantly jawking it? Terry Crews style in private. Would you rather live your life in terror for the entirety of your life or have a masturbation issue? Every time you're in public, so it implies when you're in private, the trip stops. Oh, so is it like, would you, oh God, it's probably the worst way round? Or I don't know, you don't want to trip. No. Oh, God, what is the worst way? You want to save space. No, because you just become a safe space. You just be in the house. You just be a hermit. Yeah. Or, but then the problem is, then, but every time. You go mental every time you leave. It's what would you prefer to be out or in? Because when you're in, I guess Terry Crews is having fun when he's wanking, but like, when he is having fun. No. I think because he's doing what? He's doing it like, he's doing like 14 hours a day. It's worst. So the question is, would you prefer? As soon as you're in the house, you're just watchable. Would you prefer to live in hell in private or publicly? I think I'd choose the Terry Crews option because I wouldn't. Will you love masturbating? Yeah. Next question. No, because I'd prefer to have as a secret, terrible thing that I could just get on with and still be able to have friends and see my family. Do you know what I mean? The other, the other version is every time I see my mum, I'm going like, what's wrong with your hair? That sounds like I'm just kind of critiquing a hair too much, but it's more like, oh, I can't see anything. I like to be able to still have a career and family and friends and wank a lot rather than, you know what I mean? Terry Crews has a very successful career alongside his wanking. Exactly. Yeah, so it's true. You can have a successful public life if privately you're going to town. It's a disaster. Yeah, you know, you convince me, I think I do Terry Crews style. It's a good, yeah. Charlie, this is just more of a fact. Okay, brilliant. How can you bring a factor into this? How can you possibly bring a factor into it? Did you know that when you get old, you just start tripping because your eyesight and your brain are kind of interacting in some way, which creates illusion. So my granny has recently started seeing like crosses and hammers and ladders like all of my dad's face. She wasn't. She quite likes it, apparently. Is she was sound funny? No, she doesn't like that. Right. She loves ladders. Weird follow-up question, but yeah, that does make sense for old people because there's a glazeness, which I presume. Do you know what I mean? They do seem like they're tripping a lot, or like things are a bit confusing. I think it can be quite pleasant if it's just hammers and ladders. I don't think so. I don't think so. It sounds awful. She likes it. Does she? She likes the hallucinations of her brain deteriorating. Yeah, you should see my dad and he's got little hammers and ladders. But I guess the mind is slowly going that you start to enjoy it. You're not really overthinking the trip. You're like, "Oh, there's enough ladder." Yeah, and also how bad can it get? Because you're just like 96 in a home. Yeah. What's wrong with a hammer and a ladder? Right. Next question. "Google, stop playing Sims we've got work to do," is his name. I've seen this one of your nicknames. How long would you last on the run from the police and what tactics do you employ? Let's assume for something bigger than one of Andrew's petty sex crimes. I don't remember that bulging it. If I'm petty sex crimes on this blog. Patty. You're so petty. You're so petty with your sex crimes. Think about Andrew's sex crimes. It's just petty. It's petty, man. It's petty because it's sort of a crime. It's like, but you're like wanking on an ex's like, like, through her letter. It was like, you know, at least go and expose yourself to some women. Stop all these petty sex crimes you're doing and actually get out in public and commit some sex crimes, okay? I back myself on the run from the priest for a long time. Long time? A long time. I think UK is tough because it's so densely packed. Like America's where... That's easy. The Sasser's Creed. I guess because of how school we are at parkour, that's benefit for us. It's true. So would you say your move would be like a Sasser's Creed style parkour and then hide in a bin? You've got to wait it. Yeah, hide in a bin for a long time. I think you've got to wait it out. That's the big thing. I think too many people get restless. Okay, that's interesting. I feel, with all the technology they have, staying in the same place is... No, no, no. Yeah, waiting. No, because you've got to go into like the countryside. You've got to go and get like a tent and sit in the woods forever. I would try and get as quickly to the top of a hill on the South Downs in a tent. Or probably not South Downs. On top of a hill. That's pretty visible. They'll be like, who's that boss? What's that guy doing up in the tent there? I guess people on the run, they never just go out into the... I guess they need to. Have you seen hunted the Channel 4 program? No, I haven't. What's the technique? I watched it a couple of times. The techniques are going to go into the woods. Okay. Basically. Or like, you know, you've got to get friends of family to help you. But just go out into the woods. You need accomplices. You've got to hide out. I think, yeah, you can't really leave the country as the problem. No, I wonder, from my time, I guess I don't have much experience with this apart from playing hide and see. Sure. Is there, because you can sort of... From my time, during hide and see, because that's what you're going to say. I guess, in my head, I've always thought about it, is there a good enough just actual hiding place that you can hide it? So, remember when our friend Matt Cowley, who hid in the ceiling, said, "You know those ceiling tiles you get at schools that you can take off and go in?" To be honest, if you're there for months, no one's going to check there. Yeah. I guess you can't be there for months. Why not? Because you need to piss and shit and drink. It's true. You thought of everything. Well, if you go to your nearest school and they go and hide in one of those in the ceiling, and then when they all go home, you can pop down and... In London, you've got to avoid CCTV camera cameras, whichever. You've got to get out of the city immediately. That's the thing. I guess, in my head. You've got to bundle in a car, in a boot, get out of the countryside. I don't know. I think the answer to that question is probably we wouldn't last very long. We don't know what we're doing. You and Willis, I believe Lee and Neeson has been snubbed time and, again, for BGW status. Every time his poor policy has put some front-of-the-camera, he's ducked, spit in the most racist, unhinged, yarn, yeah. Firstly, we're now out of absolute nowhere, emitting to roam in the streets with a cosh, pursuit of attacking any black man in front of a slack jawed journalist that only responsible is holy shit. To more recently, we're doing an unbelievably racist impression of an Asian woman, we have to do an earthquake when he was shooting on location, not to mention the countless photos of him with pissy pants and fan selfies, and paparazzi photos. My question is, why is the most obvious BGW being overlooked? I really respect the intent behind that. That's a fan who's like, you've overlooked someone and he's annoyed. We have talked about his pissiness. We have talked about his pissiness. We have talked about him going around looking for plenty of that people. But on the Finvasti Internet podcast, which is Patreon only, Vittorio did tell me about this. This is arguably his best. I'd like to see it. This is incredible. I think I'm looking forward to it. Have you not seen this, Charlie? Let's all dive in. So this is for an interview for promoting a film. I think this is maybe after it, and then I looked out to see any black bastard. I mean, this sounds like an incredible shoot, but there wasn't an earthquake, Joey. That must have been quite terrifying for yourself and all of the cast members. Terrifying. I was in an hotel on the 19th floor in the morning on a building shoot. I've been in an earthquake before now, for some reason it was different. I got under a doorway because they all say, "Get under a doorway," and so I was standing there in the room shaking. I thought, "This is crazy." So I got my passport from behind into the hallway, and the hallway was going like this. I'm not exaggerating. And there was a little lady dressed in black, who was the manager of that floor. She was knocking on the doors, but her clipboard, shaking the rooms, had been cleaned to the right perfection of it. She turned and saw me like this, up against the door, and she said, "Ah, no problem, no problem. I did hear 20, yeah, no problem." That was scary. That is fucking fantastic. I don't believe it's so much like that Ric De Vase sketch from Life Shore. He's like his character there, but it was still scary. It's the contrast with his gruff, Northern Irish, incredibly charismatic kind of voice to the really cartoonishly racist, Asian-impressive, not just the voice, but the eyes and the smile. I think he's... I'm repeating, "No problem, no problem!" He's going into that sphere of actor where he thinks he's such a good actor that he can do everything perfectly. So it doesn't matter. He's not thinking about the racial connotations of it. He's like, "I'm going to bring you to that moment." He's got so involved with his own story that he doesn't... He's stopped thinking about what he's doing. But he also is a very good actor, and so I wouldn't be surprised if we saw a video of them. And it was bang on. It might be bang on, to be fair to me. It might be bang on. And if it's bang on, is it racist? But it was still scary. But it was still scary. Can we hear the act on time? "Ah, no problem, no problem. I'd be here 20, yeah, no problem." Problem. Problem. But it's the way that he doesn't find it funny, he says that, and then he has quite a serious love. Yeah, and well, because he's telling it quite a... Yeah, and that's what it was like. "No problem, no problem, no problem." But it was still scary. Well, thank you very much for bringing that up. We have been over that. Well, we... I guess because he's had two... He's had the piss pants and the going out looking for black people. He's got a Baldwin-esque nature term, for sure. In the sincerity of his talk. But also the charisma. Yeah. The sincerity. Yeah, yeah, we'll include him on a less somewhere. But thank you very much for listening, guys. We've been voice gone wild. Do you got anything to finish yourself? One time. When... not one time. There was once a man who looked into the woods and he saw darkness when, in fact, he should have seen light. No problem. [Music]
