The Manic Candice Podcast
Handling Rejection
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to The Minute Candice Podcast, everybody. It's your real Candice, back at it again with another episode. Today we're going to talk about rejection and my recent dealings with it in the past few months, in the past few years. Rejected, rejected. Yeah, you just got rejected. R-E-J-E-C-T-E-D. Rejected. It is not easy to do it, but before we hop into it, visit the description links below in the podcast description. Here I go again. Today we're listening to Venus Doom album by him, my favorite band. Sorry, I had a moment. But before we hop into this episode, visit the Patreon and pledge out pledge. Pick your tier. The first tier of the Patreon is the digital fine art print and the digital commission. The second tier is everything in tier 1. It's up to get a painting commission. The third tier is everything in tier 2. In addition, you get a charcoal commission. So all 3 for 50, tier 2 is 25 and tier 1 is $10. Free shipping and all tiers. Thank you very much. If you'd like to respond to this podcast, go to info@mdmaq.com. And those of you who would like to follow us on Instagram, follow us at the Manate Canada's podcast and @mdmaq. You guys, I request an Instagram verification, so hopefully fingers crossed, I get verified on Instagram. Because I have three pages, one's a business, one's for the podcast. The podcast is doing great numbers and I just, I think it's time I'll be verified. I mean, there's articles written about me in the past for being an artist and just it's time. It's time. I've applied twice before and got rejected both times. I don't know why, but whatever. So today we're going to talk about rejection and there seems to be like a correlation between the full moon and me being rejected. I don't usually shoot my shot, but when I do, I get rejected. I tend to lead with my heart on my sleeve, which is the problem. And if there are other areas in my life where I'm lacking that causes me to get rejected, I don't know what they are. I'm trying to be more self-aware. I'm trying to ask them, look at myself in an objective way. I'm definitely not one of those modern females, uh, modern women, I'm, excuse me, or just women that of course I like to call myself a 10, but objectively, I'm probably like a six or like a seven at the most. That's objectively speaking, but like, subjectively speaking, I'm a 10. Does that make sense? But this morning was a beautiful full moon. It was pink. It wasn't red, so slight it was a pink full moon and it was beautiful. I've never seen the moon like that. I got like a slight picture of it and I'm kind of sad, but like it was a good full moon. Um, I am desperate right now. I feel like I'm running out of time, whatever that means. I feel like I only have a few years left of being beautiful and hot. I know it's temporary and I don't do things to help the aging process. Like I definitely drink, I stay up late and I smoke. But I feel like I'm losing a race. I don't feel like I'm not trying to say I'm in competition with other women. I'm just saying that like the time that I had to get a man is running out. Pretty much ran out. Um, I spent most of my time stuck on someone else or involved in a lot of hookups or um, basically a ho phase. Basically a ho phase. My whole 20s, I was not oriented about relationships at all. After my first boyfriend, I was like, I'll never do this again. I was 18 at the time and then boom, the whole decade of my 20s. Pretty much. I had fun and now I'm ready to settle down while I'm thinking about settling down. I feel like I want someone, I feel like for the first time I'm starting to think about what I want. And now that I'm starting to get serious, I'm starting to date with the purpose. And I feel like now that I'm dating with the purpose and the and the people that I was going for are not going for me. I feel desperate. I feel low. I feel lonely and we'll get into them. Um, for those of you who listened to Kevin Samuels, Reston piece of Kevin Samuels, he talked about women age 27 to 35. He talked about them hitting a wall and he called it the danger zone is where I, I've seen women 35 and like that's, that's the end of the wall for me. Like I, I don't want to get there and be single or be married and not have and not vetted enough and settled. I don't want to settle because I'm desperate. I'm in this weird spot. Like I want it all, but I don't want to settle, but I also don't have the luxury of not settling. Does that make sense? Like I don't, I no longer have the option to be picky about, or I no longer have the option to be careless about who I'm dating. I, I have to date with the purpose. I have to date knowing that they want a relationship. And that's hard to come by these days with the men that I find attractive. And this is where the cognitive dissonance comes in. I convince myself that the men that I conventionally find as my type. I think my type needs to change because my type is irresponsible inherently when you look deeper in the surface. They're fuck boys. And I, and I, and I feel like I've matured a lot in the past six weeks to the point where I know that my options are no good because that's who I choose to be attracted to. The type of guys that I'm attracted to are generally players and fuck boys, drug dealers, Deaneants, people who are notorious or infamous. And the older, the ones that are my age, they're taken, the ones that are younger, just want to either don't want anything to do with me or like want to have sex only. And that's fine. They're young. But I'm looking for something more and then like, and then the guys who always, and here's the caveat, the guys who always wanted more with me, I never wanted anything to do with them. He goes both ways, being rejected. You reject others that I'm not saying these were good options for me. I'm just saying that I've had option that I've had men that I've turned down severely. Oh, I love this song to the dead, listen, we confess to hear some joy, feel all right when you're sick, see your tears, cry out their prophecies of doom. My heart's a graveyard, baby. Evil we make lo-o on our passions, killing floor. You guys, this song live is amazing and I'm sad, I'll never see it again because a band broke up. Listen to my him obsession episode. I'll explain to you like my tattoos and all that good stuff. So my options are running thin. It's like, I can't have, I don't want the ones that want me, the ones that I want don't want me, and there's ones that are in between. The ones that are in between are the ones that are curious about me or the ones I'm curious about, they have potential. But I tend, like I said, I tend to lead with my heart on my sleeve and it wreaks, I wreak of wanting a relationship. I just stink of that. And it's like, it sucks because I wish, I wish people, I wish people who wanted to relate, I feel like there's a lot of fronting going on, I feel like there's a lot of like hiding intentions going on. I want a relationship, but I don't want it with just anybody. I don't have anyone specifically in mind, but I don't just want it with anybody. I feel like the older I get, the men that I want, they prefer younger women, like 21 to 24. I'm going to be 27 on August 10th. And I definitely feel like men who are 36, who are 21 to 36 want, like I said, women 18 to 24. I can see why that's when they're naive and beautiful. They can't be beautiful and up to up with game, because they've been through a few things. I feel like when I was that age, a lot of men just ran through me and used me because I was 21, 20, 18, 19, 22, 23, 24. A lot of guys used me as their side chick. Like I said, the naivete of being that young is very powerful to these men, very attractive. That's either here nor there. That doesn't have nothing to do with my rejection issues. I feel like I'm going to end up single forever. I hate to admit this. I hate to say this is true. But I texted this 21 year old yesterday. I know. I feel so embarrassed now. I texted them like, hey, this is me. I even sent a picture of myself, like a fucking loser. I was like, hey, this is me. We met. We stopped talking. Not sure why, but I just want to be friends. And like he never responded. And I clearly don't know how to handle rejection. I don't know how to take rejection clearly. Um, I think I need to get a grip because I'm making myself look stupid. I love this song too. What the fuck, Siri? I didn't get that. No. Okay. I hate how this fucking Siri is like the MacBook. I'm reaching for your shadow drowning in the kiss of dawn. Or the kiss of dawn. A little too me. Please don't sue me. So you guys, um, hop onto the Patreon, go to MDU MQ dot com at the top of the page that can click a link or visit the description of the podcast and visit the links in there. You'll find the Patreon link. You'll find an email for me personally for sponsorship opportunities. You will find our Instagrams and you will find, I think that's it. On my website. Into your eyes. Tier one of the Patreon y'all, you get a digital fine art print and digital commission tier two, you get everything in tier one, except you get a painting eight and a half by 11 inches. Also commission free shipping on all tiers tier three, which is all includes everything in tier two, except you get a charcoal commission 10, 25 and $50 respectively on all tiers. Loneliness is hard. Um, if it wasn't for this podcast, I think I'd be having a very hard time dealing with being lonely. Um, I'm alone 24/7. I, I don't want to cry. Um, sorry to second. Um, I've been single for three years and like I've never been the type to want someone because I'm lonely, but I'm getting to the, to that point, like I'm getting to that point. I don't like going to bed by myself. I don't like waking up on myself. I don't like watching Rick and Morty by myself. I don't like watching my comedians. I don't like going to the mall by myself. Everything I do is just so independent and like makes me so independent. And I feel like I'm so independent. Like that's unattractive to a lot of men that I find attractive. It's just a week of this. I can do it all bad. I'm, I can do bad all by myself attitude and like I need someone. I need someone there and not just anyone. I like, I feel like this rejection from Zay is just making me so desperate for attention and for affection and intimacy. And these are issues that I have to do with myself. I have to, I, I haven't had sex and like a month. And I think I want to keep it this way because I'm purging. I feel like I'm finally dealing with issues that I have when it comes to my sexual health and my sexual well-being. I feel like I have a lot of demons that just need to, that need to be sorted out. But I feel like in the past two years I hooked up a lot due to loneliness. Loneliness is very hard. Like I said, it's, it's like breathing but you can't breathe. It's like breathing with no oxygen. That's how I can describe being lonely. So if you're lonely just know you're not alone in that. Let me just gather my thoughts really quick. Sorry. I have a little bit of weed. You guys, speaking of weed, puff pass pain party is underway. I'm looking for venues. I'm looking for venues specifically that will let you smoke inside. How cool is that? I love this song too. So I was wrestling with myself before I texted him. I was like, what have you done to improve yourself? Like what have you done differently? I'm like, well, I'm tightened up on the cleanliness, tightened up on the hygiene, tightened up on the dressing, tightened up on the weight loss, tightened up, just tightened up, tightened up on the makeup. And I'm just like, why am I, why am I doing this? Why am I twisting and molding myself to try to make myself palatable for someone who I'm not that attractive to? He doesn't find me that attractive. He probably doesn't find me that attractive at all. One thing I need to work on is how to handle rejection. If someone says no, I need to say okay and move on. I hope my loneliness doesn't get the best of me. And I don't mean the S word. I don't mean suicide. I just, I don't want to become like a bigger whore than I already am. Like, I don't want to, I don't want to like, like for example, I don't want to settle for like, for this is just a wild example, but like an open relationship, no offense to people with open relationships. But me settling for an open relationship is me trying to keep someone me trying to trap someone. In a sense that I'm going to let you sleep with whoever you want in order for you to stay with me. That's the only reason why I would, if someone, because I would never, if I were to end up in an open relationship hypothetically, it would be because the person wanted it, not me. I would be so insecure that this is where I need to work on my self love and security even more and then start chipping away. And that's the next podcast episode is what is self love and how to do it. And examples of what isn't self love. Rejection is a motherfucker because I'm sitting here and I'm questioning, am I desirable? And like, I have to look at it objectively and like objectively, am I desirable? Yes. But I come across like, I don't want anybody and that has to change. Or I come across like, I have a lot of options and like, I, or, I don't know, see, self awareness is something that is quite new to me. Looking at myself objectively is quite new to me. Um, and I had to do that because I noticed that I'm not getting as much attention as I used to. Um, no one's like sending me because before every single day, every day, I would get DMS like, you're beautiful, you're so hot. You know, like, you do most beautiful growing the world. I haven't been called beautiful in like a month. I feel like I'm constantly playing games when it comes to potential relationships. And it just, I just fumbled a bag. I feel like there needs to be like a dating coach on how to stop playing games. My health begins from the 10th and descends to the circle. Six times a year, three score and six. And from there I crawl beneath Lucifer's claws just for her. One last kiss. Watch, watch, watch. Okay. And you does not do that so close to the fucker. I really, I love the I don't know why I do that. Like, like, I'm shooting a gun or something. And I'm like, wah, wah, wah, wah. Like, like, I, I, people air guitar. I like sing guitar. I don't, I don't know. Moving on is hard for me because a lot of memories live red, free in my brain. I have a good memory and it's a blessing and a curse. Like, I just keep holding on to the memory of my back being rubbed of me being kissed on the forehead of me being cuddled. I crave intimacy. I crave intimacy more than sex. Like, I literally, I think that's what I'm trying to get at is the intimacy that follows sex sometimes. I think that's source of my loneliness is a severe lack of intimacy that I'm not getting. There are no intimacy. There is no intimacy in like random hookups. You know what I'm saying? And if there are then, if there is and it's a trap. A trap. So instead of pondering, well, I think I should, I think it's healthy to try to explore why I'm being rejected. Not by just one person, but like, I, like I said, I noticed a lack of attention lately. I think I just need to keep doing what I'm doing and, and add more consistency and go a little harder. I'm going to the gym every day. I'm, you know, doing good as far as like working on my money issues. As far as like character building, I'm trying to be less about all about looks while maintaining my looks and improving my looks, but like trying to be less shallow. Working on my femininity, working on my domesticality. I think I just need to be healthy, keep putting myself first and learn how to accept rejection and move on. If someone doesn't like me, then I just got to accept it and move on. I can't dwell on it for months and try to change that person's mind. And that, because that's crazy. That, that is crazy. I'd rather, I'd rather look any look, I don't want to look crazy. I already, I already look crazy. I don't want to look crazy. So good night, good morning, good evening, good afternoon, where I really listening. Thank you for streaming the man in Canada's podcast. We have past 620 downloads for the month. That's more than last month's entire downloads. Thank you so much. And we're all not even halfway through the month. The spare has a face, and all these rules remain on you. Blessed to kill our new slaves, all our hearts and our love's will, thrill, start all over again. Dead lovers, we're playing the memory stain and suck the blood right out of my heart. I love this song. I love this album. I love this band. I love you. You guys, let's take this podcast to the top. Go ahead and rate us five stars and leave a review. Follow us on Apple podcast and Spotify. Follow us on Instagram at the mannequin is podcast and me at MD make you subscribe to the patreon. And if you like to sponsor the podcast, email me at info@mdmaq.com. But bye. All down, dead lovers, leave, embrace the pain again, and dead lovers lane. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)