In Bed With Alexa
The Demisexual Sex Worker: Making It Work (ft. Goddess Bats)
Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault
In this episode, sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) is joined by Goddess Bats, a versatile and empowering sex worker. We dive into their journey, starting with camming at 18 and transitioning to various facets of sex work, including findom. We uncover the realities behind porn productions, like where the lube bottles are and how performer collaborations actually work. Goddess Bats shares their queerness journey, being demisexual as a sex worker, and how they navigate it all. We also discuss our takes on consent, providing valuable insights into this crucial aspect of the industry
- Duration:
- 55m
- Broadcast on:
- 26 Jul 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
I started caming. I fucking love money to have all of these news, all of these tears. I'm good at sex. Probably one of the rare people who jump into the masturbating. They prefer that they have the purpose of work. God is bats. Are you ready to get in bed with me? I'm ready to be in bed with you. Thank you so much for coming everyone. This is God is bats. The God is that does it all. And if you aren't sure what that means, just ask them what they don't do. Exactly. It's a much shorter list. Okay. So where does bats come from? So bats was originally given to me at a queer camp that I did in the summer by one of my cabin mates who got drunk and just started referring to me as bats. Oddly enough, the mascot for the queer camp is a bat. And yeah, she was just like, you really emulate a bat. And I was like, you know what? That sticks. Literally that summer after the camp, I got a tattoo of a bat. And that was around the same time I started my only fan's journey. And I was previously calling myself slightly boring content. Not a real actual name to be referred by. So I decided to just go by bats, pull a share, no last name, just bats. Because I thought it was because you love being suspended so much. Or you're, I don't know if you love it, but you are suspended a lot. So I love being suspended and it's funny because whenever I am suspended, there's there's a portion in suspension where you can be upside down. And I love it and oftentimes I look like a bat. So it's a good observation. Yeah, it's on brand. Very on brand. Okay, so you do it all. But what I've seen most with you is being rope bunny and doing sex work. Correct. So yeah, you're right. So with your sex word, is it be a necessity, like survival, art? It's political all of the above, like where did it come from? It came from a couple of things. I think I'm one of the rare people who were like 12 years old watching the real house bunnies with Hugh Hefner or whatever the show was called and being or knowing that at that age, I wanted to be them. Didn't know what that meant. Didn't know what that really entailed. Didn't know the actual day to day behind the cameras. But I really loved the idea of just being pretty and desired and that was my job. So fast forward to yeah job title or yeah, it's almost it reminds me of Ken where it's like, yeah, you beach. Yeah, you're pretty. So then fast forward to me being 18 and already I was on tumblr kind of being spicy, even though I shouldn't happen. And then I was like, no, no one's going to listen to this. No, hopefully a lot of people listen to this. But at 18, I started camming and I did that for a couple of years, had a couple of scary in real life instances that made me decide to stop camming. How? Wait, so you were camming but you had in real life. Experiences with people. Did they figure out where you lived or what? So it was about the time that Tinder also existed. And on Tinder, young and dumb, I put where I actually worked. And of course, there was only one location for that place. So someone came asking for me by my name and that was the first weird interaction. But I was like, okay. Because they were like obsessed with you or? Yeah, so they were someone who matched with me on Tinder, but I didn't really give them any attention or talk to them. And I think they thought they were being proactive by coming to my job and asking for me. Don't do that. Don't do that. Please don't. But then after that experience happened, when I was on the train, two separate occasions at basically in New York, because I'm from New York. Two separate occasions, the same thing basically happened where I was followed and kind of harassed. And the only thing the person said, and these were two separate people, was, I know you from the internet. That was all. And I was just like, I don't know who you are. I don't know what you're talking about. It's not me. No, I know you from the internet. Like I've seen you and giving me like dirty, creepy eyes. But as if that makes them entitled to anything, like what you're expecting. I have no idea. Oh, yeah, that's me. Yeah. No, the first one luckily wasn't that bad. They were just following me in the train, but then I got off like a stop earlier than I usually would and was just like paranoid looking behind my back. And then the second person like followed me outside of the train. And luckily I like went into a deli, got something, and then they like stopped being weird and following me. Safety people. Okay, so that's what got you to stop. Yeah, so I took a little break from sex work and I kind of stood on tumblr before it was safe for not safe for work and kind of did what I do now on only fans, but on tumblr. And when tumblr stopped being safe for not safe for work, I by that time I had actually started a career in film and in the film industry. So I was working on TV shows and reality TV and movies. And yeah, I thought I was going to do that for the rest of my life until I recognized how unsustainable it all is. So then the pandemic hits only fans is being tossed around a lot. And I realize I have all of these nudes, all of these tapes. I already love to masturbate, like I'm good at sex, which then led me down the rabbit hole of like repairing myself and telling myself that it's okay if this is what I want to do. But it definitely took a couple of years to accept that sex work can be my job and it's super healing and it's beyond doing porn or in-person work. It's important, I think. It's also really great as a creative outlet. I try to stay away from the politics of it all because I don't know if in this lifetime I'll ever see any change, but it's complicated. -Very. Okay, so you literally had a career. You went to university or college, whatever, different here. And you were like, "You know what? I actually want to do sex work because that is what I want to do." This is something, yeah, it was more so like, it was more so me realizing that this has been a desire of mine for quite some time and it just didn't make any sense to keep repressing it and doing it at a low tier instead of just fully giving it my effort. Okay, so and you had all this content already. I'm sure you've posted most of your old content. Oh yeah, I don't, I mean, it's funny because now also looking at other models and what they do, some people will recycle their old stuff just to keep up with the algorithm. But fortunately enough for me, I've just been really busy, so I don't even need to recycle things. -You actually have more than you need, probably. -Mm-hmm. Okay, and it did usually solo work or collabing with other performers. So now that I have taken power in my endeavors, I've been doing more collabs, those sell better. -I know they make more money, but what do you prefer? -I also prefer it. I'm not going to lie, I'm probably one of the rare people who don't really enjoy masturbating, which is another thing, which to say all of that, I do enjoy masturbating, but I have to use a toy. -Yeah, but that's valid. -I hate like a manual masturbation session. It's not for me. -I only do that if my toy has died, you know? -And it's funny because I've had that instance where my toy is dead and I'm like, okay, like, let's just go back to the manual way. And then I'm just unsatisfied and I'm just disinterested, turned off, which I think is like... I would love to talk to the psychologist about that more deeply and figure out why I don't enjoy playing with myself if I have to do the work versus using technology or being with somebody else. -Wait, what if someone else is touching you? -I love it. -Okay, go to your... -And I love touching other people too, but yeah, I don't know. It's probably shaming guilt. -Yes, that's, yeah, probably. -Mm-hmm. -Okay, well, but you do masturbate, you just use a toy. -Yeah, always. -Yeah. Imagine the sex worker that does it masturbate. Dun, dun, dun. -Well, did you ever think like, I love sex so much, I really don't want it to be my job because I might change my mind about how much I like it. -Oh, yeah, that has crossed my mind so many times, and it's actually kind of my lived experience now that I've been collaborating with so many other people and having it really be a job. Unfortunately, I've noticed that if I'm hired to do something or I'm doing a collaboration with someone who I haven't worked with a lot, the sex isn't as enjoyable, and also depending on the scene and the positions you're trying to capture, it's not enjoyable sex. It's literally work. -Oh, it's just like lighting angles and, you know, performing. -Yeah, literally, it's a job. -Literally, it's a job, so now I'm in a part of my life where I'm discovering how to actually enjoy sex outside of work, and it's been difficult, but also not difficult. I think I've just realized I am really Demi. Demi, for people who don't know, I prefer to have an emotional connection with someone before I sleep with them to actually enjoy the intimacy with them, so I think that's valid too. -You're this. That is in your personal life, you're Demi, but then you have to work where you're trying to also incorporate that in your collaborations with other people. -So, here's the fun thing. The big goal for myself is to have my own production where, theoretically, I can retire and just manage, but before that happens, I would love to just kind of create a collective of people who I have built relationships with, so the work doesn't feel like work, and it's just fun. I think all of my favorite porn is kind of amateur for that reason. There's something about natural sex that isn't in front of big lights and cameras, and is it rehearsed, or an eight-hour day of fucking. Yeah, I prefer just the, let's get down to it and be in the moment sex, and I've always enjoyed watching that. I've always enjoyed creating that, but the reality of sex work, unfortunately, is sometimes it is very mechanical, so big goal is to cultivate an environment where I'm with people who I just have that natural connection with, and it's just fucking easy, and it's the best job ever, because that sounds ideal. -Yeah, okay. Well, manifesting that for you, first of all. -Thank you. -And when you go by, because not all performers go by goddess, one made you would say that, because you also do some like, "Findome," and so what's going on there? -I fucking love money, and I'm not, I'm definitely, I think, also throughout my journey, I've naturally been more submissive, but as I've aged and gotten older, I see the beauty and switching and being more dominant, so in this era of my life, I'm attempting to "Findome." It's been successful in some ways, but I feel like, especially with social media, TikTok specifically, there are a lot of people out there who are making it seem like it's super easy, but the people who it's really easy for have super pretty privilege, not to say that I'm not attractive, but it's a different level of attractiveness. -It's conventional, like more-- -More conventional, exactly. So being someone who's more alternative, it's a little harder, but it's been interesting, and it's been fun, and that's kind of why I decided to go by goddess bats, even though in any social setting, it's bats. -It's bats, yeah. So we were introduced to each other as a brunch party, I remember. -Okay, I'm glad. I'm glad you remember, because I was trying to remember what party it was. -It was a Sunday one, a brunch one. -Okay, cool. I wasn't sure if it was the marijuana one, or if it was brunch. -I don't think I've been to a marijuana one. -No, it sounds like it was brunch, perfect. Yeah, and you were only introducing me as bats. -Yeah, definitely in those spaces, I think also I was fortunate enough to be introduced to those spaces by the time I was already going by bats online, so it was easy to just carry that over, and whenever people wanted to connect, oh, I've already got an Instagram, it says bats, and usually a lot of normies will try to figure out what my real name is, and I'm just like, no, it's bats. This is really what I'm going by, so only very select few people who usually have to do paperwork with me. -For the old stuff. -Yeah, know what my regular day-to-day name is. -Have you ever thought about changing it, like legally two years? -It's such a long process, and I kind of do like that it's more of a persona versus changing it, but it does become difficult because I'm in a household with some roommates, and one of my roommates is also in the scene, so we'll often throw like smaller parties at home, or we'll go to parties together, and they always want to call me my name, and I'm just like, it's bats. So this year they've been doing better, and now just around the house they'll call me bats. On my door I have little bat like 3D bats, so it's just the reminder that I prefer bats, more so to also remind them it's bats. -I think curiosity is great, but like also mind your business, like if you introduce yourself as bats, you are bats. That is literally why you're trying to call you, yeah, that's it. -Crazy how some people just don't get that though. -I know, this is a reminder for everyone, because I get it, and sometimes you are noticing, you want to know, I understand, but it's my new business. -Yeah, also I'll be more inclined to actually give you my name if we, if it came up more naturally, or we actually developed a friendship versus like, hey, what's your real name, you know? -Like it's not actually bats, right? It's like, it gets fun being, or it gets fun telling people that my name is bats, and then they're just like, wow, your parents were so creative in the 90s, sure. -Okay, and what about some memorable experiences in the past year that were like extraordinary, you know? -I was hired to go to Philadelphia, all paid expenses trip, to actually do content for the Philly dungeon, and that was amazing besides making the content, but also being able to be in Philly for the day. The people I worked with were great, the camera person was great, I got lunch, I was greeted with donuts, I was like, here's a note for all production people out there, just do better, but I also will understand. Yeah, princess treatment or nothing, but I also understand it is a budget thing, but I do think a lot of people have the money and are just kind of penny pinching, which I understand too, I suppose, but at the end of the day it's work, so pay us what we deserve. That was a memorable experience though. Another memorable experience was Exotica, fall of 2023. Yeah, Exotica was very interesting, especially because I kind of went for research and I got some answers. There are not enough queer people showing up to events like Exotica, but there are also not a lot of queer companies showcasing queer porn. Okay, and you said you had to do some inner work to really accept that this is what you wanted to do, so that took work and then are there still ways that other people are discriminated at you, because you came to accept this, but do you feel discriminated about by others? Oh yeah, I feel like dating is hard, a lot of people think it's really hot to date someone who does porn or is a sex worker, but the reality is they're really jealous and intimidated, and I think they're a lot of, even in polyamory, there's still a lot of monogamy mindset that people have to work on, so dating has been difficult, but also, yeah, just society as a whole, I think a lot of people will tell you to your face. Oh my god, it's great, amazing, but you don't know what people are staying behind your back or actually thinking and feeling, and if they're just being polite, so those are the discriminatory moments in my life, but I'm also so fortunate and realize my privilege in knowing that I'm super light-skinned, so usually when I get hired, people just think I'm white, or because of my body type, they'll know that I'm some sort of Spanish, but even there, like, there's still no discrimination because I've got a curvy body, and that's in right now, so. Okay, and when dating, have you found that non-monogamous people are more accepting of your job? Oh, 100%, non-monogamous people are a tad bit more accepting, however I have found, the non-monogamous world is so interesting because right now I think there are also a lot of single non-monogamous people who think they can do non-monogamy until the relationship or a relationship is presented to them, and then they realize they still have so much work to do, or maybe that it wasn't for them, or they prefer to do it just as their single. Right, so a lot of people are like, "Oh, I'm non-monogamous until I find the one," and you're like, "No." Yeah, I'm like, that's not how it works for me, I want to still find somebody but continue to be non-monogamous. Right, exactly. Okay, so it's not as open as I thought it was. It depends, I think it also might just be people I attract for some reason are just trash. Yeah, unfortunately, definitely recently have been meeting less trash-like people, but that doesn't mean that they still don't exist out there and try to shoot their shot. Yeah, so because you have a public figure, right? When do you break it to them? We said right up the front, like, "Well, it's so weird with Instagram because I do feel like there are some people who almost, I don't know how." Well, if you only look at your Instagram, I would just think you're a robot-y. Yeah. Until I look at your Twitter and then I'm like, "Okay." Yeah. I know it's happening now. Yeah, if you look at my Twitter or click the link in my bio on Instagram, then someone can see a more full story, but I do think a lot of people initially just see someone who's super confident and attractive and sex positive, so they want a piece of that. Um, once I have to bring it out, well, I think that's the other thing. A lot of those people who seek me, I'm instantly also turned off by them, so I don't have to get to the point of even telling them usually. Because they are seeking you because of the way you look only? Yeah. Yeah. But that it, okay, why is it a turn off? I mean, it's just- I just- Sorry, then they can get to know you too. True, but also these are, I should be more specific, these are people who will just slide into the DMs and they're one liner or they're opener will just be like, "Hey, you're really beautiful." Okay. Or just like, "Hey, I would love to like- I've gotten some graphic messages, some less graphic messages, but the point all around I can just tell that I'm seen as an object instead of a person, so thankfully discernment is in my toolbox and has been really helpful. Well, if you're Demi, that's a turn off. Mm-hmm. Exactly. Right. But I do think thinking of dating in the scope of like where I've met most people, and I do think when they see my Instagram, not everyone sees my Twitter, so then if they're asking me how my day-to-day is, and I'm saying, "Oh, I'm going to a shoot." "Oh, what kind of shoot?" "Oh, it's a porn shoot." "Oh, I didn't know you did porn," or, "Oh, that's so cool." Or, "Usually I get good reactions," and again, sometimes I can't tell if they're just being polite or they're actually curious versus someone who might have different assumptions about what that means, or maybe be uncomfortable about it and not really tell me until we end up fizzling out naturally, which has happened. What about dating apps, or you're not on them? Absolutely not. I feel like-- Oh, no. Well, I think I'm also very fortunate that since joining the lifestyle of the play party scenes, I've met so many people in person that I'm actually polysaturated, so dating apps don't appeal to me. That means bats has reached their limit and is not looking for any other partners at the moment. The limit does exist. The limit does exist, and I know the limit exists when I talk to friends and they tell me that I need a personal assistant to manage my Google Calendar because it's overwhelming. So, yeah, I didn't think the limit existed, and then I started this lifestyle and I realized the limit does exist. But it's so good when people realize it because some people would keep trying and you kind of neglect their other relationships. I think it's so mature when people are like, "Hey, I actually cannot handle this right now." Yeah. Thankfully, most people greet that with the same reaction of, "Oh, that's so mature. I'm glad you know that." Only a couple of times people have thought I was being snobbish and just rejecting them when in reality I'm being honest. I have no time for almost me. I'm not going to make time for you just because you feel entitled to it for some reason. Yeah. Okay, so that's the negative side. What about the flip side? What are your favorite parts of being a sex worker? My favorite parts of being a sex worker are definitely being able to travel, meet a lot of new people who have similar interests, being able to collaborate on ideas. Those are some of my favorite parts. So, when you call a collab, are you trying to only deal with people in New York? Because if you went to Vegas, do you pay for that? Do they pay for that? Like, how the fuck does it work? That's where it gets a little more complicated. I will say a lot of collab. When people are using the word collab, we're paying out a pocket. Someone, I will say this is also the privilege of sex work as a female or someone who looks like a female. I've noticed usually the men will take the lead on covering cost of a hotel or will take initiative in filming and putting up the lights and basically doing all the hard work. Your job is pretty. So, my job is pretty where it's just, yeah, I get to get on the flight, open my mouth and take it. But that's also a plus. Okay, but it is a lot of pocket. Usually if it's a collab, yes. But there have been people who have approached me for paid shoots where they all cover the expenses and costs. Those are nice. They offer everything else. They're like, that's your payment. There definitely is a spectrum. I feel like with photography, I've had some people contact me about flying me out to wherever they are and then that's it. They're like, well, I covered your costs to get you to me. But that's still, I'm talking to those people because I would love to also get paid. But then I also understand from a photographer's standpoint, photographers want to get paid. I feel if you can use a content and the content will be good for you, maybe it's a good idea. But like, if you're good and you can create your content, then that doesn't pay the bills. Exactly. So it's definitely a spectrum of ways to get paid and then kind of sucking it up and knowing that you just need to produce things. So sometimes you need to collaborate, but also using discernment in who you collaborate with, especially now that I've started using Twitter more. I've had a lot of people who obviously do not make content, don't even have an only fans, but they'll slide in with the Wanna collab. And I'm just here thinking, do you even know what that means? Do you think it just means we can buck? Because what are you actually bringing to the table? You don't even have a platform to share the content on. At this point, you should be paying me because what you're actually asking for is full service. Even if you use that content, you could use virtually so many people. If it's your content, the thing about collabing is that they'll post you on their platform and then you get the exposure and maybe some of their audience will come to you. But that's also nice, usually with paid content. That's also what's happening, where you're not getting the footage. They're using it for their website or online presence. But that also means that they have an online presence. So then I get more followers from working with them. So I've also learned that although my big plan is to ideally work with people who I work with continuously, so it doesn't feel like work. For now, I also have to take all the opportunities that come to me while also using discernment, but taking a lot of more opportunities than I think I wanted to take when I first started. What are some non-negotiables, dear breakers or things that you're absolutely not, even if they pay me? Right now, and I know this is going to change, it's more so just where my comfort levels are in my body, but I will not do anal. I just hate anal. I don't love it yet, so not enough money in the world will allow me to do that. Are you actively trying to train your butt hole in love it or? I'm training, but it's so hard, which is understandable. Things come out of there, but I also know that there is a possibility for me to enjoy it because I do, to some extent, but not the whole length of what especially performers have. Also, the intensity of scenes also, it's so much more different than off-camera training the butt hole. I'm working on it because I would love to get paid and do it, but right now, I would not be having fun. It's not an option. Also, a non-negotiable is no face-lapping. No face-lapping. I'm okay with being choked on camera. I think those are my main two. I also am really hesitant about putting feet in my mouth, but that's my own prerogative. I just feed her feet. You have boundaries. Yeah, that's all it is. It's good to have boundaries. I've definitely met a couple people who are just like, "Anything goes." And then I'm like, "All right, I'm not going to film with you. You should at least have one." No. Something. Yeah. Okay, question, because I'm so curious. I actually don't watch that much porn, but when I do watch it, even if it's like ethical, alternative, whatever it is, where are the fucking lube bottles? Off-camera. But why is it bad to show that you're using lube? Like, why is that bad? I have no idea. And that's kind of also something that I want to incorporate in what I create is showing the lube, because I know when I'm in a scene, especially pausing to switch the camera lens, like you're not actually staying lubricated naturally the whole time. No, they don't. So you're definitely using lube, and I do think it's silly that we're just pretending that lube is not needed. And I talk to a lot of people who are regular people who go through life naturally. And whenever I bring a lube or offer them lube, everyone denies it. And I'm just like, "What's going on?" Because I know I need lube. I prefer lube. I also don't know if maybe because I started birth control early. So that kind of also has messed with my body in a lot of ways. When people don't want to use it, they just end up using saliva. Which is not great. It might look hot, but it doesn't last. Raw or primal, but it might mess up your pH. That as well. People don't realize that though. And then they get an infection and don't understand why they're always getting infections. Maybe you're used to infection or whatever it is. Exactly. Okay. So they are just off camera. They're usually off camera. I just like having on the bed. You're using it. I just hate when people specifically men are like, "Oh, let me just spit on it." And I'm like, "No." Because they see it in porn. And I'm like, "Just fucking it. No. Maybe you don't." And it's also interesting because I've met men who have silicone lube for anal, but for vaginal penetration, I don't need water-based lube. I got my spit. I'm just like, "Oh, I've got some lube, actually. This is going to be a lot more pleasurable with lube. You'll thank me." It does add pleasure. It does add pleasure. I don't understand. We need to normalize lube. And I do think it starts with seeing it in porn. I understand some porn, if it's maybe super artistic and avant-garde. Yeah, like fairy porn. I don't know. Sure. Then I get it. But if it's just average porn, which is most of it, who's it going to harm to show the lube bottle just anywhere? I get it if it's a publicly or an office thing. It's okay, fine. You don't have porn in your drawer or maybe you should. But if there's a bedroom, come on. We're using it. That also just makes me wonder if maybe it's not shown on camera for licensing reasons or the whole idea of, "Well, I'm not being paid to sponsor this lube." You don't have to show soap thingy. I don't know. Yeah, there's so many ways to go around it. Exactly. We're going to make this happen. We've got to normalize lube. You have a production company. I want it to lube. I'll make it happen. Okay, good. Lube, condoms, all of the guns. I don't fucking care. I don't know. Doish thingies. All of the products that people actually use will be seen on camera. And the giggles. Those are the best. Because sex is funny and fun sometimes. I want to see that too. I feel like with people, if it's too serious, I'm like, "Where's the fun? I want to have fun." I will say, I've had a lot of scenes with people where we do laugh in between and I'll keep it in because it's good. I'm not just going to leave it at the end as a blooper unless the scene I'm doing is more artistic. But that also takes so much money. That's not the production level I'm at. So I usually just leave it in. And then also use those clips as teasers because who doesn't want to see me laugh? Yeah. Exactly. Okay. Yeah. And the giggles at least are getting some airtime. And I think I've also noticed with other people, they're also utilizing the giggles. And I'm just like, "Yes. Show that this is an enthusiastic yes." Yeah. And then, yeah, you're having fun. I feel like if I'm not having fun, I kind of don't want to be there. If it's just serious, I'm like, "Okay. If you're awkward, can I laugh?" Yeah. "Can I laugh?" Yeah. "Have you fled to happen?" Yeah. Or like, "No." Literally. If I'm not laughing, I probably didn't have a good time. Exactly. We're also very good at your job. I like my job. Yeah. It's a good one. Thank you. I'll take the phrase anytime. Mm-hmm. Good girl. Okay. Talk to me on a queer journey because you're very open about being queer, but when did you find out? And how was that? I definitely knew I was queer before I knew what the word queer was, but I knew in kindergarten, which is crazy. But I remember having crushes on girls and boys and once the language and the knowledge of all the different identities existed. And I learned what Pansexual was. I was just like, "Yeah, I love all people as long as they're like good people." But I do resonate with the word queer, I think, because to people who aren't, I guess, under the umbrella, they're always, like, their questions are like, "What is queer? Why queer?" And I just love it. I love the word. I love the way it sounds when you say it. And I love that for people who just aren't as creative and sexually liberated. Their kind of, like, their feathers have been fluffed when you say you're queer. Okay, so it's also like a filter for you when people are like, "What does that mean?" Yeah, it's almost like a litmus test of being like, it's a litmus test to show me if someone is open-minded or if they're still very narrow-minded, basically. Okay. And did you have space in your environment while you were growing up to explore all this? Do you have to, like, repress it a little bit? It's very interesting because I think my immediate family is pretty open about it. However, my mother specifically, like, growing up would always just say, "You're greedy. You can't pick a side. I don't get it." Just always having the usual theatrics thrown back at me, which just made me speak to her less, unfortunately. But the rest of my family definitely knows, and it might be because we weren't living in the same household. We were just seeing each other for the holidays that I didn't hear more questions or basically the language my mom was using. But also knowing my family, I think it's very much my mom versus my family, unfortunately. She's got so many gay friends. Her best friend is trans. It's probably some internalized bifogia, you know? And I think one thing that is good for you as, you know, their child is that remembering that it's their first life, their first time doing life, too. Sometimes we feel like our parents have to know everything, but they don't know anything. They don't know anything. They're just figuring it out the way we are. So I've learned to give my mom a lot of grace. However, it's been 30-ish years. My mom should have a better understanding and acceptance in my life. And it makes me sad a little when I hear other people talk about their relationships with their parents and how accepting they are. I know my mom is accepting. But in the same breath, she's very quick to criticize it all, which then doesn't really feel like well. I think it validates it a little bit. That's unfortunate. Yeah, but it could be worse, too. That is true. Okay, on the lighter note, I read body worship somewhere on your profile somewhere. What is that? And how are you incorporating it? What does it mean? Like, I want to be worship. I want to know more about this. Yeah, so it's funny because I, my first, that's a lie. That wasn't my first, but it was my first all femme orgy. The theme of it was body worship. And what that looked like was basically having multiple women or femmes devour my body. So it started with a nice wailing up all over my body. So everyone got comfortable touching me. And just progressed from there from like, I've always had the fantasy of having many hands on me to like just stimulate everything and be worshiped in that way. So for me, body worship doesn't always have to mean multiple partners, but just means sort of slowing down and really appreciating you like head to toe. Does it come with a lot of verbal praise, too? I love good verbal praise, but I also know not everyone is vocal, so I won't hold it against them. But if you add some praise to it, maybe we won't need lube because I'll be wet. Right. Wait, in this orgy, did everyone get their turn or was it just for you? It was just for me. And it was really great. How do you think it's so lucky? So there was a party called fantasy fest and you basically got to apply and tell them your fantasy and they did the work of, well, it's interesting because that party has it up for you basically, basically. But also like, it's interesting because the party has gone through different iterations. So when I went, instead of them recruiting people before the party, I had to recruit people the day of. Right. So it was a little stressful because then I either had people coming up to me who knew what my scene was with interest or I got to go up to other people who I thought could be good candidates for the scene and got to invite them. So it ended up being I think like 11 or 12 people on going like in and out because I let them know, you know, this scene is about two hours. I don't know if we're going to take the whole time or go over, but I understand it could be overwhelming. I don't want you to feel you're like you're married to being here. If you need to go to the bathroom, please go. If you feel like you have done your work and you're done, please feel free to leave. There were also other people who might have been a part of other scenes or were volunteering. So they entered later. So all of everything that happened was negotiated and they gave a lot of space for people to play with others if they wanted. But for the main event, it was me. How did it feel hard receiving so much attention like the first time? Yeah. I've never had that much attention on me without reciprocating. I think definitely towards the end, I had some pussy in my face and I was like, finally. But there was also a lot of like kissing and caressing and touching of other people as well. So it didn't feel like I was just a prop being worshipped, which was nice. But it was also, I think it because I started with the massage, it felt a lot easier to relax into and accept. Yeah, prolonging and starting off slow. Okay. We love it. Yeah. But also with that said, I do like to worship other people's bodies. So basically doing the same but to others. Okay. But also like a paid service, usually, if not my partner, who I actually have some admiration for. Yeah. That you're gonna fake it. It's hard. But you fake it if you don't really want to be there. Yeah, you'll fake it if you're getting paid enough. For the right phrase. Yeah. But usually I like to enthusiastically want to do that for someone. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Okay. If you, if I gave you like a megaphone and you could speak to literally every adult in the world, what would you tell them? Louder for the people in the back. What should everyone know? Well, one, everyone should know that consent is an enthusiastic verbal yes. Consent is a verbal, enthusiastic yes. Because I don't think enough people know that. And even speaking to a lot of people I grew up with or women who I've just befriended in my adult years, it's incredibly sad to realize that a lot of us have had our bodies taken advantage of when we were younger without really actualizing it or knowing it. And some people did, but others didn't. And I think that's also why there's so many adults out there who don't understand consent, don't practice consent, have not been in situations where someone have not been in situations where they received a no with grace. So that's what I would love to tell people. I love that because we just talked about consent. And I think the default, if you don't have a conversation beforehand, like, Hey, I'm okay with you doing until I stop you. If you don't negotiate that, if you have no information, then your default should be a verbal, hopefully enthusiastic. Yes, sometimes there's a yes, but not yet or a no, not now. And then that doesn't necessarily mean no, it just means more needs to be said, more information is needed, etc. But it's just so interesting that we were just talking about it. But yeah, I wish everyone, you know, where every woman I know has been in some ways actually assaulted. They really, all of them. And that says a lot of things. It says so many things, but on the other side of the spectrum, I know a handful of men who have also been assaulted as children. Always as children. It's always as children, which is like the most upsetting part by adults, usually. I've also heard children, big or big brother, friend, was like also like five years older, but like a child too, how did that child learn that as well? Like it's all a circle. You know, it's just fucking sad. It really is sad. And yeah, you just mentioning that basically every single woman, you know, has experienced some form of assault. That's crazy, because there's so many of us out there. Yeah, it's no, it's I think when I open up and I'm not expecting them to open up to me, they're like, oh, me too. Or like, you know, it's so common. It's just heartbreaking. And call out your friends behaviors. If they are not aligning with what you believe in, do not let a rapey joke slide by. Even if you don't laugh, no, you have to call them out. Okay, like it's not okay. It's not okay. It's not a joke. You're literally just enabling, well said. Okay. Now what we got? Actually, yeah, how can like I'm not a sex worker, how could I support sex workers more? If it's not just by obviously paying for your content, making sure you're getting paid, what else could we do? Also speaking up in conversations, like tell me. I think something that gets glossed over a lot, especially on social media is engagement. I have had a lot of maybe shares or views on things I'll post, but nobody fucking leaves a comment. Nobody says, good job. Or even just like thrown emoji in there, something that almost builds community, which I think sometimes is hard to do as a sex worker, just because it is so taboo. And I do think depending on the person who's doing the work, either your comments are filled with men saying really nasty things, or your friends who are hyping you up and saying all of the best things. But as a consumer, your comment is going to be read, whether the person has 100 views or 100 followers, 1000 followers, 10,000 followers, they're probably going to see your comment, especially because not enough comments are left, I think. So it can be as small as sharing, leaving a comment. I think those forms of engagement are glossed over a lot. But they do make a difference, especially for small creators. Another way people can show support, small things, yesterday was national sex workers, international day of some sex worker visibility. And just seeing like normies post about it, I know that their audience is seeing them now as an ally. And as someone who's doing the work, it feels good to know that it's just, it's not even accountability. It's more so seeing that someone who has been supporting me to my face actually means what they're saying. It's not just saying they support you, but you know what they're saying behind your back, when they publicly support you, it's like, okay, I know you actually support me. So things like that are definitely great ways to be an ally and also just support the work we do besides paying us for the obvious. Right. I think calling out your family members too, like, I have to say family members, because I guess it happens in my family, or I don't know, like, you know, and not just sex workers, like homophobic comments, fat phobic comments, like anything, I just like fucking call them out. And obviously pick your fights, pick your battles, but like saying quiet is, is, it's a thing. I get it, but also sometimes speak up. If it means a lot to you and you're like angry inside, speaking up actually feels really good. It feels really good, but it also lets them know that you're almost putting up a boundary of not accepting that kind of language. I know in my family specifically, there's always the flakita or the gourdha, which is like the skinny or the fat person. And it's always the comments of, oh, you've gained so much weight, or oh, you lost weight, you look great. Please don't comment on my body. And please don't make comments about other people's bodies. Just mind your business, maybe if you think they're positive, they might not be, you don't know their journey. So there's so many times where there's so many other things you can make comments about rather than the weight of somebody. That's definitely something I had to learn because growing up, if that's what I saw in my family, then I thought that was okay to do, you know, if these things aren't spoken about and told to others, people think it's fine. So always speak up. Speak up? Okay. Bats, where can people find you? People can find me all over the internet, under goddess bats, basically. But I'm on all the social medias. I've got the link tree. Maybe your Instagram's not goddess bats. I guess it's not. So that's a lie. On Instagram, I'm actually bats and through Instagram, actually bats. And through there, you'll find my link tree with more links. Otherwise, if you're using the spicy links, just type in goddess bats. There's only one of me. Yeah, true. That's nice. Okay. Let's finish up with a would you rather? Heck yeah. Would you rather only be able to masturbate with your hand or never be able to use lube again? Wow. I guess I'm never using lube again, which really goes to show you that I don't like using my hands. Oh my god. For masturbating. Yeah. No. Yeah. I was just thinking because you could potentially heal that and be okay with using your hand and use lube. Isn't that crazy that my choice was like, I'd rather never use lube. Okay. I'm going to work on it though. I think your takeaway from today is working on that. Oh yeah. I mean, yeah. This is common knowledge. But I am working on it. It's just a very slow baby steps. Baby steps to being comfortable with touching myself as odd as that sounds. Maybe you could grab someone else's hand and keep yours there and like use theirs to touch you and maybe that's hot too. That's so hot. Yeah. Okay. Maybe my answer will change in a couple days. Luckily, you don't actually have to bake, but it's pretty crazy. Okay. Are you ready to turn off the lights? Let's turn these lights off.