FM Talk 1065 Podcasts
Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour 8-17-24
The following broadcast is brought to you live and in color. I don't want to hear no more of that goopy talk. Shield of the talk and all you got to do is be a good listener. Popular radio entertainment for the masters. Sweet Jesus, please let this work. Stay with us. Yeah! It's time to have some fun. There's a good chat on the way. Yes, it's time to laugh and sing. Time to brighten up, y'all Steve. We've got Jolina up in the house and the rocks' beretly is on the way. Jolina, it's mama. If somebody had bear with you. It's time to have some fun. There's a good time on the way. It's time to laugh and sing. Time to brighten up, y'all day. We've got Jolina up in the house and the rocks' beretly is on the way. Welcome to the show everybody. Yeah! You know, we're going to start off with a special request. Seems like we're always cranking up the way back machine, but you know what? A classic is a classic. It's time to crank up the Jolina rocks' berry way back machine. genuine, sensitive and overflowing with empathy, she understands she's got your romantic dedication. It's time for Love Light with Vernell. Greetings everyone. If you have a love story, we want to hear it. We have a caller on the line ready to share her heartbreak with us. But first, a word from Frank's feminine track wash. Hi, this is Frank Hawthorne for Frank's feminine truck wash. If your truck still smells like her. Yeah, is that Estee Lauder youth do? Stanks. And you don't want it to smell like her. Wait a minute. That's Love's Baby Soft. Wash it down and hose that thing out with Frank's feminine truck wash. Frank's patented neutralizer X, washes away every last embarrassing skank molecule so you can ride your new gal around town with utmost confidence. That's what I'm talking about, love that new truck smell. Don't let her know what you settled on before she showed up. What's all this garbage in your car for? I don't even know massing you'll make no pastry up. Frank's feminine truck wash, available in island breeze and new leather. Also, use Frank's super sucker vacuum to clean up those tail-tailed gum wrappers, drop makeup bottles and forgotten panties. Who do these? Frank, he's roars his knees in your truck box. Frank's feminine truck wash, we get you from X to Next. Get me some Marlboro lights and pack a teeth whitening gum. Oh, man, I just spilled all my sunflower seeds. Wash it down and hose that thing out with Frank's feminine truck wash. Thanks and welcome back to Love Line with Vernell. Vernell, this hour I've been dating. Mm-hmm. He just doesn't have any time for me anymore and, um- Oh, Barbara. He's a big guy, you know, he- he's a husky. You're dating a dog, Barbara? No, I mean, he's a big fella and he loves food a little too much. He would rather go by himself to the buffet than spend the evening with me. Mm-hmm. And, um, he's really selfish. Mm-hmm. All right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Like, if he's sitting on the couch and has a canister of poppycock, poppycock, Barbara. You know, the caramel with the nuts and the popcorn. Mm-hmm. He won't share it with me. Mm-hmm. And, um, so not when I went after one of his chips all, I mean, it was horrifying. Mm-hmm. I just wondered if, if you would please play that song for me about the girl who broke up with her boyfriend, 'cause he was cheating on her with a rose-made sandwich. Oh! Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All right. ♪ He's probably rolling out on the handicap ramp 'cause the stairs a little risky. ♪ ♪ Right now, he's probably gonna stop for a dozen glazed hot likes ♪ ♪ He's cream a little crispy. ♪ All right. ♪ Right now, he's probably driving through for a super-sized goo apple pie with his combo. ♪ ♪ Making a triple. ♪ ♪ He don't know. ♪ ♪ I love my rear-end several times on that shaker full of salted pores on his rise. ♪ ♪ White two boogers on his double cheese. ♪ ♪ I put chocolate eggs, slacks in his cookie dough ♪ ♪ Then broke his zipper so he can't go. ♪ ♪ Maybe next time he'll think before he is. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ Right now, he's probably in the kitchen with a big piece of cheesecake. ♪ ♪ Drenched in tapioca. ♪ ♪ Right now, he's probably saying I'm full. ♪ ♪ He needs an half a section of a good full of hepto. ♪ ♪ Right now, he's probably hanging on for his dear life to that bathroom combo. ♪ ♪ Yes. ♪ ♪ Oh, he don't know. ♪ ♪ I rubbed my rear-end several times on that shaker full of salted pores on his rise. ♪ ♪ I swapped my boogers on his double cheese. ♪ ♪ I put chocolate eggs, slacks in his cookie dough. ♪ ♪ Then broke his zipper so he can't go. ♪ ♪ Maybe next time he'll think before he is. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ He's gonna finish that sandwich. ♪ ♪ And remember so he can't go. ♪ ♪ Maybe next time he'll think before he eats. ♪ ♪ Oh, maybe next time he'll think before he eats. ♪ ♪ Oh, maybe next time he'll think before he eats. ♪ ♪ Oh, maybe next time he'll think before he eats. ♪ ♪ Oh, maybe next time he'll think before he eats. ♪ ♪ Oh, maybe next time he'll think before he eats. ♪ ♪ Oh, maybe next time he'll think before he eats. ♪ Hello, and welcome to another educational installment of Communicating in the South. Our first word is all, spelled A-L-L. A petroleum-based lubricant for your vehicle, as in Philip Daal and Czech Dugass in Marpica. Another common verbal anomaly in the southern speak. You will find the letter A, is placed at the beginning of a number of words. As in the word, a gonna. Um, a gonna get you if and you don't quit bothering my dog. The letter A indicates a future tense. However, the letter A prefix can also indicate a present tense. As in, grandma are gonna quit smoking because them cigarettes is accosting her too much money. You will note this is a compound sentence featuring the prefix A as indicating both future and present tense. And finally, the word, airy. The word airy can be defined as breezy, drafty or well ventilated. However, in southern speak, airy is a pronoun meaning any, but only singular. As in the sentence, you got airy a coondog. Or, I ain't marrying up with him because he got airy a job or money. Airy is the antonym of, nary. As in, I ain't marrying no one with nary a tooth in his head. When the A prefix is added to a present tense verb, it is thought to increase the intensity of the word. As in, apes are working hard in the backy shop today. Or, didn't you hear your mother are talking to you you little. That concludes this week's installment of Communicating in the South. I'm Regina Wainwright, join me next time, won't you? I'm Jolene Roxbury, thank you so much for allowing us to hang out with you. And we are happy to be alone for the bride, whatever you happen to be doing. Maybe you're staying close to the nest, having a Netflix weekend, binge watching a few of your favorite shows, or perhaps it's movie night. Got the popcorn going, sometimes even watching a movie can be a little bit annoying. Depending on which streaming service you're using. We'll be back to the action after this brief, succinct and unobtrusive commercial announcement. We at Amazon Prime hope you're enjoying our fine lineup of excellent programming. Yes, we are now interrupting our programs with commercial announcements. These will be brief, succinct and as unobtrusive as possible, like this commercial. But, we also offer commercial free programming like we used to give you before we started adding brief, succinct and unobtrusive commercials, like this one. For an extra $2.99 a month, you can return to commercial free programming like you thought you were paying for before. What a small price to pay to do away with even the most brief, succinct and unobtrusive commercial announcements, like this one. Amazon Prime, all most commercial free programming, we now return to your show. Hi, Jovely. Hey, Billie. Hey. How you doing? Good to hear from you. Look, I wanted to see if Christopher and I could come up there this week and see y'all. Um, well, we've got a lot going on up here. What you got in mind? Well, do y'all still have those big commit your bushes you mentioned before? Uh-huh. I remember you saying you didn't want all of them. I'd like to come dig a few of them up, bring them back to the house. You know, no sense in, you know, I'm going to ways. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's azalea bushes. First of all, I did find a home for the overage of chamelea bushes. But I can't help you. Oh, no, no, it'll be fine. I got plenty help. Uh-huh. Who you got? The Christopher and, and me and, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Christopher. Uh-huh. Let's see. Anyway, we, we, no problem getting help. Uh-huh. But I've got all my own tools. I mean, I got like the shovel deals and I might need a couple more of them, but I've got like a shovel. Couple more. And then, uh, I got one of the wheel barrel thingies. Uh-huh. You know, and then, uh, come to think of it. I got some tremors too. I'll bring those. Those are the handy. Yeah, you got tremors? Those are the tremors. We, that's right, through the tremors out with the old freezer. We had the garage. Yeah. Like, when we did the garage clean, I don't know. Okay, so you need tremors. Okay, so you need tremors. And then I'm going to bring a rake for sure because I won't clean up our mess before we leave. I wouldn't want to leave the mess when you've been so nice to give us. You have to clean up. You know, the chameleas. Azaleas. You have to clean your mess. No doubt. Real quick. I hate to ask this, but, you know, I know Christopher's going to be hungry. Could do and all that work. And I'm going to be, oh God, you know, we ended just thinking about it, but it's going to be a lot of work. Yeah. And, uh, I just was wondering if it wouldn't be too much to ask. If you could maybe whoop this up a little lunch. Whoop up some lunch. You know, whoop up in a drive through and bring something up here. What do you mean? Well, I'm gluten free now. It's going to be neat. It's going to need to be gluten free. I don't even know what that is really. Uh, I'm thinking maybe like a case. A case. You have to do one of them cootery boards. Uh, you're out of your mind. No. I'm not doing that. No trouble if you can't. Well, I can't. I won't. We're going to be hungry, you know. There's a lot of work. Anyway, uh, let me know. Okay. Would you, Jolene? Thank you so much. And we'll see you soon. Billy. It's the Jolene Roxbury Show. Roxbury. I do believe Adeline is still back to school shopping. Hi, Jolene. It's Adeline. Hey, Adeline. I need to find out why they don't never put no liquor stores in the same shopping center with a Walmart. I don't think that's true. I've seen some liquor stores around Walmart. Well, there wasn't one where we was at. And if you think about it, that is one place that people need to be tanked up. A lot of them are. Well, I tell you what. You just thought there was a hurricane coming for what all the people was in that damn place. I saw these two women frighten over the last door of the Explorer pencil case and lunch bag. I love those things. Pencil case was kind of small, but I bet that lunch pack could keep a whole six pack over at least an hour. At least. How'd it go overall though? You know, Jolene, I just don't do well with kids. I mean, I look out this way. I've done my time bringing up my own, you know. I know what you mean. I've heard lots of women say that. I start looking at all the things on that list. My head started spinning. There's a calculator. We couldn't use them things when I was in school. You're getting big trouble bringing a calculator into math. Yeah. All right. Red pens and black pens. I understood that. Good. Loose sleeve paper. Here's one. A duo-tang folder. Right. What the hell is duo-tang? They like it. They got two pockets. All right. A protractor. Pro-tractor. Hey, Jolene. You know the difference between a protractor and a regular tractor? No. Lipstick. I'm from crazy. You're a nut. You have a good show, darling. Bye. Okay. And, against my better judgment. We are continuing to move forward with Earl T's back to school tips. Up in the morning and out to school. The teacher is teaching the golden rule. American history and practical man. You study him hard hoping to pass. Working your fingers right down to the bone. Hey, this is Earl T with another back to school tip. Man, this is tip number Q. It's not. Now, what should someone do if their child is experiencing anxiety about riding the bus or walking to school? Find another child in the neighborhood your kid can walk to school right on the bus with. Earl, but that's a very good idea. Having a buddy is always a great idea. And it's good for safety, too. They can look out for you. Hey, man. If this kid needs a shave and is wearing one of those ankle bracelets, they're good people and he walks away from his house. Yeah, it's probably not a good idea. No, that's not a good idea. Earl, you know, I think we're about done. We're good. Okay. We don't need any more back. I got one more. I think, hold on. Yeah, hang on. I got one more. So I'll talk to you later. Whoa. One more. That's it. Before we get sued. Hi. I'm a hard-working, focused, responsible college student. And I listened to the Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour to drown out the sound of spilled beer cans and ping pong balls coming from the next room. Hold on. Stop. Stop. You just said ping pong. I said ping pong? Yeah. I think you meant to say ping pong. Let's take it again. Come on, son. Hi. I'm a hard-working, focused, responsible college student. And I listened to the Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour to help drown out the sound of spilled beer cans and ping pong balls coming from the next room. Is that good? Yeah. That's good. Thank you. Is that enough? It is. You can go. Okay. I get paid, right? Don't push it. It's all promo on the Weather Channel last night. And it's almost silly how clearly downtrodden they are unless there are 15 different hurricanes, tropical storms and disturbances in the Gulf and everywhere those things start to form. They've got their rain slickers all lined up and they're goloscious. And I think it depresses them when they can't use them. Now, we actually have someone here in the studio. We have, um, who's this, Jim? Dramatic Weather Channel guy. Jim said you have a question for me? Have you or someone you love experienced the horrifying reality of a hurricane this season? Um, luckily no. No. Well, here at the Weather Channel, we don't want you forget how powerful and scary a hurricane can be. I've been through many. I'm not going to forget that. Are you at the Weather Channel? That's right. I'm with the Weather Channel. Okay. Um, what's all that noise? Noise. Yeah. What noise? That. I don't hear any noise. It's like wind and thunder and stuff in the studio. No, that's just our hurricane soundtrack. We play it during all our promos just in case a powerful and scary hurricane pops up while we're talking. Then it will sound very dramatic. And Hurricane me. We're going to go back and cover the top 10 most damaging hurricanes that have already happened. And what are you going to do when you're done recovering old hurricanes? We're going to go back and cover all the pre hurricane coverage we did on storms that never developed into really scary hurricanes. That's a new one. So you're going to go back and cover all of the coverage you already covered. Then, if this is still a world with no hurricane out there, we're going to be doing a documentary on all the different styles and colors of rain gear we've used here at the Weather Channel over the years. Rain gear. You're going to cover rain gear like fashion. Like they do on QVC and stuff like that. For instance, here's the bright blue rain poncho and matching boots and hat that were never used on camera because the weather just wasn't scary enough. Okay. Yeah. To be sure and stay tuned for our pre hurricane coverage coverage of all the coverage we would have covered if there had been a hurricane to cover. Yeah, I'm sorry if we haven't had one for you. Stay tuned to the Weather or Channel. We cover the weather. Weather. There's weather or not. Okay. Give it up for a scary weather channel guy. Did you know that Joe Lean and the Roxbury players do their entire show in the nude? It's a good thing we never installed that webcam. Losing weight means I have to eliminate some foods I love. Just for a while. I have to be disciplined, focused, burn that fat girl, and remember to stay fully hydrated. My weight loss guru says to take Joe and my small victories, such as not digging that eclair out of the garbage to eat it. For one day I can start adding some of those carbs back into my life. But for now, heaven help me. Oh, what I can eat right now. Candy bars. I'll enjoy. With a little cash I think I could bribe the pizza boy. Piles of bread. Red beans with rice. White rice. If I could have just a little bite that would be nice. But I'll stay on track because I've come so far. And one day soon I'll take a break from this salad bar. The waiter will ask ma'am what would you like? I know just where I'll start. No need to ask. It's a huge baked potato. Huge baked potato. Huge baked potato. Huge baked potato. Sour cream and shives would be perfect. Western style. Pepper jacket. Bacon. Sprinkles in one big pile. Does that sound delicious? I reached my goal. That's where I'm headed to the potato bar, baby. If you get the yip, I'll set it. I've got a box of her favorite wine. See the lady's power balance and a big jar of that Kentucky warm and jelly. She's always blabbing about. That's for love. Honey, I'm home. Come see your daddy. No, honey, not now. Don't you remember we're having mama's intervention tonight? Well, okay. The bottle says I'm good for another three hours. It's about how long we'll need to convince ma'am all she's ruining her life. But honey, I'm all ready. Here, have a wonton. Oh, come on. You know Chinese food gives me gas. Not that kind of wonton, silly. It's a new pill for men, made especially for these type situations. When now it's not the time. Wonton is there to help. Wonton is an all-natural anti-male enhancement, which contains hallucinogenes to help you conjure up visions that will help you cool your jet. Vision flank, your grandmother naked. Onmores, your parents having sex, cooking shows, extended cuddling sessions, parent teacher conferences, taking DUI tests, the smell of rotting shrimp, the movie dirty dancing, mopeds, and so much more. All-new wonton, when the time just isn't right. A production of Hands-Off Me Industries. Wow, that wonton really works. That's nice, honey. Now get in there and put some sauce on them cocktail waners. Rucks me. Show me rocks there in a variety hour. Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to the show. Hope you guys are having a great weekend. If it's not great, well, maybe it's kind of, let's say it's a mediocre weekend, or maybe it's a really crummy weekend. Any one of those scenarios, we can fit into that and, you know, give you a little lift, a little chuckle, maybe, maybe just one. It makes us feel great to know we might be able to improve your weekend just a little bit. If you are streaming our show right now on FM Talk 1065, you might be listening to the Saturday afternoon at 4 p.m. broadcast. Or the Sunday morning, let's get in a good mood before we start hollering at each other, trying to get ready for church time slot. That comes on at 7 a.m. Sunday morning. 7 a.m. is usually early enough to accomplish that goal. And if you have not already done so, download the FM Talk 1065 app right there to your smart telephone. Telephone. Sounds so old school, but I'm going to say it, smart telephone. You can keep up with all your favorite shows on FM Talk over 50 hours a week of local programming, plus there's a live microphone button there where you can, uh, annoy Dan and Dalton in the morning and Sean Sullivan at midday mobile. They are totally accessible to the public. They are there for the people. No, I did catch a little flack this week from Earl T. Um, we have played our shrimp taco cooking segment a couple of times. Geez, this summer we probably played it more than that, but it's very popular. And Earl busted me on the fact that I edited him out of the segment. He's not wrong. I did it. I did it because he's annoying to listen to sometimes. And probably on those particular days, I didn't want to hear his voice any more than I had to. Full disclosure, but he was upset because nobody got to hear his taco song. So listen up for that. Greetings, everyone. Belka Do here reporting to you live when sort of from my beachside kitchen. And now one of only a few men allowed anywhere near my buns and burners. Spicing up the kitchen. Mr. Alec, naming. How will you do? It's good to have you. Good to be here. Hey, Alec. Hey, Jolie. What are we cooking up yummy today? Understand we have a new twist on an old favorite. Kind of like you when you bought that thong bathing suit. How about some sautéed shrimp tacos? Alright. Oh man, I love tacos, dude. Yeah, I brought the salsa. We're not using it. Yeah, it's grandpa, merle tea, secret recipes, so shh, don't sound over yet. You shush. This is kind of a new thing for me, putting other things in tacos besides ground beef. I've never done that. Jolie, it's delicious. What a way to get a taco. All you got to do is start off with some canola oil, some white onions, some kosher salt, some butter, some jalapenos, some Italian parsley. Okay, Earl brought some parsley. Oh, wait a minute. That's not parsley. That came out of my backpack, my bad, sorry. Mm-hmm. Well, I mean, you can sprinkle it into the salsa if you'd like. It really spices up here. Not using salsa. Alright, what else do we need? It's nice, fresh going tortillas or flour tortillas, the other one you like. It makes a wonderful sauté shrimp taco. Okay. Here, Bill. How long is this going to change? It only takes three minutes. What a fast dinner. I need some quick dinner ideas for Sheila. Well, what you do is you preheat a skillet or a little griddle, whatever you got. We have both. Where's my spatula? Let's just use the pan. Is this a spatula? Did you shut up? How long do we leave them in there? It's just long enough to heat up your tortillas. Alright, get those nice, soft flour tortillas. Is this a spatula? And then in a separate large sauté pan, put it on over high heat. Add a little bit of oil, take you some chopped onions, and quickly stir for two or three times. Immediately add the shrimp to it at that point, and a few pinches of salt. It may be sauté for about one to one and a half minutes until the shrimp begin to turn red. Add the butter, the chopped jalapenos, and garlic, and sauté for one more minute as the butter begins to melt. The garlic releases its wonderful aroma when you throw in some of those nice, crushed garlic cloves. Adjust the seasoning with a little salt if necessary, and continue to stir up about 30 seconds. Here. Stir in the parsley. Remove the pan from the heat. The shrimp should be tender. The onions and jalapenos crisp to the bite. Work in separate batches. Eat them as you go. Can I save some for later? No matter. Okay. The whole cooking process for the shrimp should be no longer than three minutes. Talk about a quickie. This is really a quickie. Oh man, these are good. If you'd like to hear this recipe again. Yeah, perhaps you didn't get it the first time around. You can go back and catch it on our podcast at FMTalk1065.com or on the Jolene Roxbury variety hour Facebook page. You know, I got a song about tacos. Oh no. Oh, you're going to want to hear this? No, no, we don't. Sure you do. No. Sure you do. Don't. Sure you do. Are you drunk? Pull up a seat for instant meat. Have a taco. But let us on top and sauce you slap have a taco. It's all in a shell and it tastes like hell. It's a taco. Girl, do you mind? Alec, your tacos do not taste like hell. I think we've ruined the cooking segment this week. Alec, maybe we can edit Earl out this week. That probably won't work. This is Bell Kedow along with Alec Naaman saying, "Cha, cha, cha, till we see you next week in Bell's beachside kitchen." Please put the knife down. Why isn't going to do anything with it? Why? I'm a high-strung teenager and even I listen to the Jolene Rock's very variety hour because they're all unbalanced, emotional and weird. Just like me. You're working my last nerve, you know that. You're playing on the microphone. You know, my husband is not a hunter. He fishes a little bit. My sister, Camelia, her husband hunts. I know when hunting season is here because my sister and a lot of my girlfriends start to whine about it. They call themselves hunting widows because when deer season rolls around, or is it turkey season, which one comes first? Oh, hell, I don't know. Whenever the first day rolls around where you can shoot at something, the guys take off. They're gone. And these ladies are left to fend for themselves. Personally, I would enjoy the time kind of to do my own thing, you know? And I got to thinking about it. Maybe it's not that they mind so much that their husbands are leaving. It's that when they come back, they've been out in the woods for several days. They haven't maybe taken a bath. A lot of them rub, you know, deer urine on themselves and stuff like that. And they come back a little, well, amorous. Randy. Mm-hmm. Maybe that's what upsets the girls so much. But regardless, these men are loved. Hello. Hello. Hello. You've been at the hunting camp for a while now. You haven't showered for a while now. That was my live band. Coming at me with that stubbly face. That fancy beer trimmer just went to waste. Hello, man. Get out your guns and store your rods and reels. Toe your kaboda and you'll hit the fields. But I'm not gonna say a word. I'll just stay home and drink wine and rearrange all the furniture. I come, you move the couch every time I go up to the hunting camp. But you complain every time I move anything. Last time I come home, I just flop right down on the floor. Well, that's your problem. You need to pay attention more. Just about broke my bag. Oh, you did not. Are you trying to kill me? Netflix and chick party fun. Once you have left with your shotgun, you grabbed your orange hat and made a Bass Pro Shop run. I'm sorry I sound crass, but your brain is way up a deer's ass. But hey, that's okay with me because I love you a ton. Hey, it's Dan Kelly to New York. Jolene, if you're listening, just remember you guys are not allowed back in our offices. I'm serious. Your pictures are still posted in the lobby and that video of Earl T taking a whiz in the fountain out front. Not funny. Kind of dumb posting it up on YouTube. You probably won't make it past security this time, but if you do head this way, just call me first, okay? Earl T called us at the beginning of the show. He is gathered together some back-to-school tips, okay? And some of it wasn't very sound advice. This is not an advice type show, but we're going to give him a little leeway here. Earl Jim printed out most of what you had as far as advice goes. And we did away with several of them, so I think you can continue. I feel a lot better now that we've called through everything. ♪ Up in the morning and out to school ♪ ♪ The teacher is teaching the golden rule ♪ ♪ American history and practical man ♪ ♪ You study him hard hoping to pass ♪ Well, this is Earl T with another back-to-school tip. This is tip number 37. No, we didn't throw away 35. Well, I threw a couple of them away. We didn't throw that many away, but go ahead. If your kid is starting at a new school, dude, remind him or her or him that he or she or he or they will see old friends and meet new ones. That's right, it's up to the parents, the older siblings, the grandparents, everybody around a child who's starting a new school. It's up to us to calm their fears about it. Remind them of the good times they had last year, like when they returned home after the first day, they were high on spirits because they had a good time. We don't need to say that a child returned from school high on something. I know you don't mean anything by that, at least I hope you don't, but we don't need to put it that way, you know? I mean, with high spirits, of course. Earl, this is already wearing a little bit thin. Okay, dude, I'll check back in later. This portion of the Jolien Roxbury variety hour is brought to you by Joe's Squash Stand. Here's Joe. I squashed things, cars, houses, egos, pumpkins, careers, bugs. Can you squash squash? That kind of seems redundant. How do you do it? I get this two-ton metal boot. Why would anyone have a two-ton metal boot? Are you making fun of my feet? You just squashed my self-respect. Oh, sorry. No, no, no, that's good. You want a job? I'm Jolene Roxbury. Thank you for taking us along with you this weekend. For weekday, whenever you happen to be listening to our show. Wherever you are, whatever you happen to be getting yourself up to. We're glad to be along for the ride. And remember to follow our show on Facebook. We don't hang out on Facebook a lot, but we make sure our podcast is up every Saturday. That way, you won't miss a thing. We are Iguana, take a quick break, and we'll be right back. Roxney! Jolene Roxbury here, and I'd like to talk to the people who are looking for something to do with the family. Yeah, everybody together in the same place. Remember what that was like? Yeah, you do. You want something affordable and fun. Hey, money's tight and taking the whole family anywhere. It can really break the bank these days. So think about this. No matter where you are, I guarantee you that somewhere close by, there's a high school football game going on. Most likely, it's within 15 minutes of your house, possibly in your own backyard. And even before the weather starts getting cool, which if you live on the Gulf Coast is around Thanksgiving, you might have to wait a while for those cool breezes. But even if it's hot out, there's just something about a stadium hot dog or hamburger. My son's school serves up some of the best concession food around. And you can feed the whole family without having to take out a second mortgage. It's a wonderful way to spend time with your family and support the young people in our community. School music programs and athletic programs need your support. Public schools, private schools, everybody needs you to get involved. And right about now, all these kids are taking part in their fall fundraisers. I can personally testify to that fact, so support these kids. And if you don't like football or music, well, I will pray for you to be so enlivened. But in the meantime, take a look at the little fundraiser brochures that come home from school. Whether it's cookie dough, holiday items, or just some really cool gift ideas. Buy something and tuck it away as a gift for the holidays, someone's birthday that's coming up, or hey, how about getting a little happy just for you? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Take the family out to a high school football game. So what if you don't know who's playing? Enjoy the ambiance. The band, the Polish sausage dogs with onions and green peppers. Hey, so what are you waiting for? Grab everyone, get off the couch, and get out to the game. Who knows, we might run into each other. If we do, I'd like mustard, pickles, sauerkraut, and obviously some tic-tacs. Hi, this is Rick Cleveland. Join Lee, Randy Berget, and Mark Laster every Saturday morning at 8. For everything you want to know about your favorite Alabama high school football teams, as well as other news and high school sports. Everything Alabama high school athletics. I personally tune in for the encouraging, uplifting personal segments. Joe Reed. Yeah, first. We know that you don't do sports. I can read about sports off a card, but I can't report it live with any clarity or sense. But I do know that you do love a good tailgate party. My favorite part is planning the menu. So tell me, what are we eating this week? You know I'm ordering a tailgate package from Naaman's Catering. You're the best. What are we eating? Indeed. It's a good question, and I've got a great answer. See what you think about this. If you're a family of five, and you've decided to go out and catch a high school football game, you can drop 40 bucks easy at a drive-through. Maybe even more. Those combos are expensive, and if you're upsized to get that biggie drink, prepare yourself, and for me, more times than not. Once you open that combo bag, it's not all that good. Lots of times it looks like some really unhappy person put that bag together for you. So, change of plans. After work, you're going to pull something together for everybody. Yeah, you're going to feed all those kids. By the time you get home from work, there's really no time to throw a meal together. Get everybody ready to go and pack in the car. Think about this. This sounds like so much fun. Get together with another family. Maybe your neighbors. Maybe your best friends and their kids. Get to namingscatering.com. Pull it up on your phone. Yes. Do it now. Check out all these tailgate packages. I'm going to pick another one this week. Okay, the tight end special. Buffalo wings, mini po-boy sandwiches, sausage medallions, Mexican layer bean dip, tortilla chips, two dozen brownies. But guys, this serves 12 to 15 people. As long as none of those people are members of the Roxbury players, they eat a lot. So, that might bring that stat down a notch or two. Now, these packages start at $159, but like I said, if we're talking 12 to 15 people, you can easily spend that putting something together individually. Not to mention all the stress, go into the grocery store to pick up everything. Oh gosh, barbecue meatballs. Okay, that's in the kickoff package. This is fantastic. And it's an experience your family will appreciate so much fun. Fried drumettes, old little chicken wings. Then all you got to do is load an ice chest full of bottled waters and you're set. And you know, you don't have to actually do this as a tailgate because while it is still 100 degrees at five o'clock, you might feel like it's a little warm outside to do this. So, you know, you could do this at somebody's house before you leave for the game. What you do is you nominate somebody to go pick this up at Naimans, uh, mid-afternoon. And then it's all ready for you. See, I've got your entire Friday night figured out, just head over to NaimansCatering.com and check out these delicious tailgate packages. Up in the morning and out to school. This is your routine with my final back to school jam. Yay, the last one. If you volunteered to send cookies and juice to your kids class, you got to be careful. Yeah, you got to be really careful what kind of treats you send to school. Some schools won't allow you to send any kind of treats. Did you know Mike's hard lemonade has alcohol in it, dude? Yeah, yeah, I knew that. I bet you had some angry parents. Whoa, I see why they call those moms mad. The mothers against drunk drivers? They were like brutal, dude. You ever been whacked on the face with the Mike's hard lemonade bottle that raises the swelts? I know we're done now. Thank you, Earl, for your informative back to school tips. Yeah, like, you know, peace, wow, bye. Hey, this is Lorraine Becker. You better call everybody on your contact list, because something funny is fixing to come on to write you. On the Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour. Okay, Lorraine, that's a wrap. Wait, is it really funny because some of the stuff on her show is not all that funny, I don't think. Devil went down to Bama. He was looking for a cooler treat. He was in a bind as red bind, was blistering from the heat. When he came across as young man, a sweat and buckets like it was hot. The devil jumped up on a dead tree stump and said, "Boy, let me tell you what." I bet you didn't know it, but I'm from a warmer place. And if you care to take a dare, I'll make a bet right to your face. You look pretty worn now, but listen up, old son. I bet ice cream in a bowl against your soul that it's hotter where I come from. You don't need to best put on your shoes, you're gonna take a ride. Down below, that's where you'll go where the devil does reside. And if you find it hotter there, as the bet is told, then you lose and the devil gets your soul. Going down. Johnny went down under and said, "You know, it wouldn't hurt if I put on some long pants and buttoned up my shirt." The flaming sulfur's pretty. He said with a smile, "But you fool, it's so cool. Let me stay for a while." The devil bowed his head because he knew he'd met his fate. And he headed Johnny a golden bowl of chocolate. Johnny said, "Just come on back 'cause it's easy to tell. Ask anyone, you son of a gun. Alabama's hotter than hell." The Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour contains copyrighted material and cannot be duplicated or rebroadcast in whole or in part without the express written consent of Macadow Productions. We love you, America! Join us next time for more Madcap Adventures on the Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour. I'm Mr. Announcer. [MUSIC PLAYING]