The 1Life Podcast with Behka White

Episode 38 - Embarrassing Moments

In Episode 38 of the 1life podcast, titled "Embarrassing Moments," host Behka White shares her thoughts on embarrassment and the importance of supporting her children through failures and disappointments. She recounts a time when she unintentionally embarrassed her children. Behka reflects on how these experiences taught her that embarrassment often stems from insecurities and a need for self-acceptance. She emphasizes the significance of being present for her children, even if it means showing up imperfectly, and highlights the importance of supporting them through failures and disappointments, through unconditional love and grace. Behka then emphasizes the unconditional love and grace God offers all of his children.

Duration:: 6m
Broadcast on:: 18 Aug 2024
Audio Format:: aac

Welcome to the One Life podcast with Becca White. I am your host and this is episode 38 Embarrassing Moments. One morning when my oldest, Mariah, was 10, I asked her to make sure she unloaded the dishwasher before she walked to school, and then I left the house for a run. When I returned home, it was obvious that she had not unloaded the dishwasher, and I did what every mother would do. I got in the car and drove to the school. I walked into her classroom and spied her across the room, talking and giggling with one of her friends. I gave her a little wave. When she spied me across the room, her face fell. She quickly walked over to me and I said, "Come on, let's go get the dishwasher unloaded and then I'll bring you back." She was not pleased with the plan. When we got into the van, she sat as far away from me as possible. In the corner seat, in the furthest row back. Finally, she asked me, "Why didn't you change your clothes before you came to get me?" I looked down at my clothes and then back into the rearview mirror at myself. I was in an old pair of cut-off sweats. My hair was definitely doing some things, and I was all sweaty from my run. Realization dawned. I asked her, "Oh, did I embarrass you?" "Yes!" she cried. I suddenly saw this as an opportunity to relate to my daughter, bond over similar experiences, and stuff like that. So I said, "Oh, honey, my mom used to embarrass me all the time. I hated it." At that, Mariah erupted with, "Then why are you doing it to me?" I was surprised at the outburst. This was very unlike her, and in my defense prior to this, it hadn't crossed my mind that I could be the source of embarrassment to my beloved daughter. So I mustered all my wisdom and said, "Don't worry, honey. I will embarrass you many more times before you reach adulthood." We pulled up to the house, she got out, slammed the door, and stomped into the house to take care of the dishes. Later, I realized I had not apologized to her, so I tried again. Mariah, I said, "I want you to know that embarrassing our children is not something mothers do intentionally. It is just something that comes naturally. I promise I wasn't trying to embarrass you. I was just trying to get the dishes done." She accepted my apology, and guess what? She never forgot to unload the dishes before school again. So true to my word, I have been embarrassing my children unintentionally and intentionally for the past couple decades. I've told my kids that they are free to be embarrassed of me at any time, and I will not be offended. Just having a mom is so embarrassing sometimes, especially at the fifth grade maturation when your mom tries to sit in the front row. Yeah, embarrassing. So just this morning, yesterday morning, I went for a run and suddenly realized that my 16-year-old high schooler had volleyball scrimmages and they were under way. I was sweaty, no cut off shorts this time, but old running gear. My hair was definitely doing some things, but I decided I was going to be present as a mess instead of absent and dressed. So glad I did, because as I arrived, Jaya was doing great things with her chances, and I would have been so sad to miss it. Anyway, in between matches, she was talking with a friend across the gym. When she spied me coming down the bleachers, she smiled and waved, and even talked with me when I came over. So either she is better at hiding her emotions than my 10-year-old was, or she wasn't embarrassed. Either way, it's not really the point. I share this because I have come to believe that embarrassment is one of those things that has nothing to do with the embarracer and everything to do with the embarrassing. When we are not okay with ourselves, we are not okay with the people around us. When we are secure in ourselves, we are secure in allowing people around us to be themselves. Now, as a parent, I always want to be present when my children are competing or performing. However, I have learned that witnessing a child fail is much more important than witnessing their success. When my son Ty was a sophomore at Mountain View High School in Utah, he had a cross-town rival game against Orem. At one point in the game, an Orem player stole the ball from my son at Halfcourt and scored a layup. The very next play, he picked him again with the same result. I'm not kidding, a third time right in a row, and this time the kid was going to dunk it. Ty chased him down and fouled him real good, and he dunked it anyway. The game was well out of reach before the unfortunate series, but now my son had had enough. He was embarrassed and angry. He wanted out of the game. During the free throw, my son walked to the bench and had to talk with his coach. His coach did not take him out and made him finish the game. I really loved our coach that night because he would not let my son hide. When my kid fails, I want to be the first person they see in the crowd. I want them to know that I will not bow my head or look away. I will not pretend that I did not see. I want my kid to know that I am not embarrassed by them or by their performance, and my hope is that I am witnessing to them that they are stronger than the disappointment. They are stronger than the embarrassment and they are stronger than the failure. I want them to know that they don't need to hide. It is Sunday after all, and I just want to finish with this thought, that I believe God feels the same about all of his children. When we fail, he is not hiding away from us or shaming us. He is with us and wants us to know that we are stronger than the disappointment, stronger than the embarrassment, and stronger than the failure. We do not need to hide. His grace is sufficient. Today's invitation is this. Don't be embarrassed. Choose grace every time. We only get one life. Let's make it our best.