(upbeat music) Welcome back to A Sluts Guide to Happiness, where your body is perfectly imperfect and it is safe to be a sexual, kinky, queer, or slutty as you want. Today, we're welcoming back an amazing human being, a leader, and mentor, and performer, and director, all the things with Cliff Media. Last time, we had a powerful conversation about their experiences of assault and how that impacted their sexuality throughout their life. Today is a lot more light-hearted thing. I think both of those are important in the world. I also wanna mention that Gigi is coming from this conversation, answering some questions from our listeners from the experience with slutty life in their personal life, as well as a lot of content creation and porn work on their own. You can find their work on the Cliff Media website, as well as their own OnlyFans. You wanna give a quick plug for your work? Yes, Alice Actress, or my free OnlyFans is Alice Actress Free. If you just want like a sneak peek on the stuff I do, yeah, there you go. Awesome, yeah. So if you are over the age of 18 and listening, feel free to check out that side of their life. And today, we're going to be responding to some listener questions on exploring your gender identity, your sexual orientation, relationships, and some diverse sex acts. Ooh, I'm excited for this fan. If you've listened to this podcast before, you know that I usually blab at the beginning before introducing co-star. But this time, we're just gonna jump in and have some fun with this. So Gigi, thank you for joining us again. You're pansexual, right? Yep. Okay, so that means you've had and desire sex with people of all genders? Yep, I don't care what's in your pants, I'm gonna put it in my mouth. (laughs) I love that. And you're also gender-queer, have been active in the spring-your-life style, go to sex clubs and been doing porn work. Does that all seem right? Yes, cool, cool. So it sounds like you are from your personal experience, hardly a novice at these subjects, and have lots to contribute to people of all different kinds of sexuality and relationships. I wanna start, and so I think we're gonna take some turns talking about these things, right? So I wanna start with a simple one that maybe we can both win, and someone asked, "How do I give a really good blowjob?" I love this one. I love blowjobs, I'm a big fan of blowjobs, 'cause like, I've gotten no complaints. I got a succubus tattoo for a reason. (laughs) But every bear is gonna be different, or any penis haver is gonna be different, right? Some people want you to fangirl their balls, and some people don't. So the first thing we're gonna talk about, communication, ask them what they like and what they don't like, right? Generally though, when they say suck a cock, suck it. Actually like you're sucking a lollipop. You wanna put it in your mouth and like give it like a little bit of a, you know, suck on it, you know? And then a lot of guys, or a lot of penis havers like it, when you gag, because when you actually gag on the cock, your throat kind of like squeezes the cock a little bit. So you wanna like, get it in there, and then gag it a little bit, y'all know, it's nice. So definitely suck it, you wanna lick it too, 'cause sometimes if you kick it all the way in your mouth, just take it and just give it a good old lick, all the way from like the shot, like the bottom of the shot, all the way to the tip of the head, just give it a nice lick. Yeah, so get it in your mouth, suck on it, lick on it, all the things. I do a little bit of a, like a jacking motion too, and like play with the head a little bit, you know? Like get your tongue, kind of do like a circular motion around the head, head's the most sensitive part. And give a little bit of a jack-off too. It's a good combo there. Oh my gosh, I can tell that you love sucking cock, which I think I experience as the hottest thing. And I'm seeing that from the perspective of like, sometimes I wear dildos and someone sucking my dildo cock, and when someone's really into it, and giving me eye contact with it, like getting their whole mouth all up in it, oh my goodness, that's the thing. So yes, to all of those things we're describing, and to asking people which of those things they're most into, or responding to the intuition. Okay, so another one that someone asked, I'm new to being bisexual and dating women is kind of intimidating because I have no experience with it. Hell yeah, shy and bi out there, I see you. I think we're gonna get ready to have sex on our next date with a woman. How do I start? Yeah, one of the things that I will go back to, the same thing you just described is communication. It's totally okay to say I'm nervous. It's actually, going back to that vulnerability is hot, it's a source of connection. You don't have to be the boss in town to have good sex. So asking like, how do you want me to pleasure you? What do you like? What do you refer to your body parts as? What gets you off? I think that can be a really good place to start, especially if you're new to it. Yeah, 'cause some people with vaginas, they like their clip played with more than the actual hole and some people want the hole played with more than the actual clip. For me, it really just depends on the day. Sometimes I'm like, the penetration gets me going and sometimes you're ready a little bit more play on that clip, you know what I mean? So you gotta ask like, where do you want me to focus my attention today, you know, on your body? You also gotta remember the seven and drawn Renaissance on a body, like the inner elbow, then behind the ears, the neck, like behind the knee. You know, there's all these parts of a human being that you can just caress and touch and kiss and lick and it's gonna be hot and it's gonna be sexy and it's gonna feel really good. So you gotta remember like, not just the main parts, but all the whole body has like, you know, different parts that you can play with that feel really good. - I love that because I think when it's not just Dick and Pussy, it gives you a reminder, like everybody has those endogenous sounds you're talking about it can be true and when you're having Dick and Vagina sex, but when you're not, it reminds you to create space for those other connections and parts of the body. And there's no then race to have the Dick ejaculate into the Pussy, like you can have sex. The pleasure comes from all different kinds of things. Yeah. So also like, take it slow if it's your first time. There's no pressure, like whatever. If your date is worth your time, they're gonna respect your process. Okay, next one, someone asks, "My partner watches a lot of porn without me. "Does that mean I'm not satisfying him? "Is watching porn going to make him stop wanting me? "Should I be worried?" So this is a tough one, I feel like. I've had this conversation with a lot of friends about porn and porn and relationships. There are some people out there that do not want their partner watching porn because of the way it makes them feel because it makes them feel not wanted or things like that. I had one friend in particular, I'll never forget this quote. She said, "When a man is watching porn, "he is lusting after that person. "I don't want him lusting up or anybody other than me." So this is tough, you know? To me, does it mean he doesn't want you? No, it's porn, it's just porn, you know? I would err on this out of caution when it comes to only fans because only fans, human beings, like, you could talk to them and message them. So maybe that's a little, but if he's just like, on porn hub, going through, watching whatever, it's fine, it's just porn. It's just something to help get him off. Now, if it does make you uncomfortable, that's a conversation you should have with your partner. Hey, I kinda am uncomfortable when you watch porn and then have that conversation of, "Can you not watch it?" This, like, super often or maybe make your own porn together. That's a really good alternative. What if we make a video for you to watch when you're alone and you need that extra time to take it off, you know? That's always a good space. That's awesome. Yeah, I mean, one of the videos that my partner watches most often, despite the fact that there's 194 videos online in public that he could be watching, he watches this, like, little random clip that I made when I was super horny. That's just for him, so I think that's a great idea. I think, for me, one of the things that I've heard, both from my partners and from people who are responding to the porn that I make, is that we make, is that watching porn contributes to their relationship and the depth of their sexuality, 'cause they get new ideas from it and they're turned down by a random thing is that my partner saw a video where someone was coming in their eggs for their partner, which sounds ridiculous. And I would never have thought of that myself, but now we enjoy, like, food play. And, yeah, it's like porn contributed to the creativity of our relationship. So having that conversation, figuring out what it means for your partner, figuring out where your boundaries are, seems like it's really helpful to make that a healthy part of your relationship and being okay with saying, I'm feeling kind of insecure. Can you help me understand, does this mean something about our relationship or your desire for me? - Oof, honestly, it can be hard but useful. - Yeah, hard but useful is a good way to put it. - Okay, do you want to read the next one? - Yes, I've been asexual for a long time, but I'd really like to have more romantic connections. I also sometimes enjoy sex, but only with the right people. I've heard of the term demisexual, and I wonder if it applies to me. I'm also confused about how I can have a good time in the lifestyle if I'm only sexually interested in people as close to. This is a good one. So first of all, sexuality is fluid, so you can label yourself however you want to label yourself. You do not have to say you are demisexual. If that term doesn't really feel like you. If you feel more close or alive with calling yourself asexual, even though you do participate in some sexual connections, that's okay. That's for you, if you only. You know what I mean by that? 'Cause there's so many different ways to say non-binary, but I do like to say genderqueer because I'm also queer. So let's see. I'd have to find demisexual for folks then. - Yeah, so demisexual means you only can have like sexual connections with people when you have an emotional connection with them. And I do know somebody in my life who I had this conversation with there recently where they were convinced that they were bi, but then they told me about multiple times that they could not get hard because it was a one-night stand and they barely knew the person. And they were like, I just can't get hard. I can't. And I was like, that kind of sounds like you're demisexual. They still choose to go by bisexual because they align with that more than demi, but yeah, it's gonna look different for different people. Now, do I think that you can participate in a sexual lifestyle? Yeah, of course you can. Now for me, I can fuck anybody, I don't care. And I do go to a sex club and I do participate in a sexual lifestyle where I sleep with just anybody that I want to. And they want to with me as well. So with that being said, I feel like you can still make small enough connections with people where you can get off when you sleep with them. So I totally think that you can be a part of this lifestyle even if you are demisexual or asexual however you choose to define yourself. And I think it is possible to be asexual and still want romantic and sexual connections with people. I think it's natural for us to want that. It's really up to you though, the choices you want to make and the things that you want to do and what you want to participate in. And I don't want you to feel any shame or guilt around any of that. That is how you are and who you are. If you are asexual and you want these connections, that's okay. I think that those times that you're describing are really helpful. If people are choosing it because that is giving them some understanding about their identity or about what they want. But you don't have to be locked into that. You could feel asexual today and feel more demisexual tomorrow and feel more slutty and whatever the next day. And then there are so many different parts of the lifestyle. Like there are some clubs where you're going to see sex clubs or really there are social clubs where people have sex. We're going to see a lot of the same people. You can make those friendships. If you want that emotional connection you can before you have sex. And then if you're going to the adult theater, you're probably, that's the space where people are more like sucking anonymous dick. And so maybe that isn't the space for you if that's not where you feel comfortable and turned on. But yeah, I agree with you. You can definitely have fun in the lifestyle and connections regardless of how you're sexually identifying them. - Yeah. (clears throat) - Okay, next person asked, I don't understand why some people identify as gender non-conforming, gender queer or non-binary. Ooh, this one sounds like the one for you duty. What are all those two terms mean? And why does it matter? How do you know if you're gender non-conforming, gender queer or non-binary? - Yes, I love this one. I love this one a lot. So first off, let's define them, gender non-conforming. You don't see yourself as having any gender whatsoever. You don't want to conform to the society's ideas of what gender is. Gender queer is going to look a little bit more differently. It's the same concept, but you're definitely more like, you're definitely dressing a lot more differently. You're probably a little bit more on the trans side or non-binary, which is, please don't talk to me. I don't want to define it in any source. Like, let me just be myself, you know what I mean? Now, those all sound the same. They all sound exactly the same, don't they? And in a way, they kind of are, in a way they are. It goes back to what I was saying earlier about how you choose the title that you want to go by. And that's what these are. People are choosing what sounds closest to them. Like, I go by gender queer more often than not because I am pansexual, I am queer, and the way that I typically dress. Now, a lot of times, a lot of my friends refer to me as non-binary because that's how they see me. They see me as, I'm just here to be here. I'm just being myself, please don't ask too many questions. You know what I mean? And then I know somebody that is gender nonconforming and they really, they look like a man. They have a full beard and short hair, the whole day, and they wear dresses and skirts. And that's how they are. And really, it's just how you want to define yourself. What is most comfortable for you? What feels right to you? They matter because society loves to put us in a box. Society loves to go, you're a man, you wear jeans, you're a woman, you wear skirts. There are people out there that don't feel that way. And a lot of times, for me, I don't feel like a woman. I don't look at myself and go, that's a woman. And I've met people, I've spoken to people who identify as women, and they tell me about how they feel. And I'm like, I don't feel that way. So for a long time, I thought maybe I was a trans man, but then I spoke to men and people who identified as men, and I was like, I don't feel like that either. So then I was lost, and I was like, wow, what am I? I'm neither, I'm really, really neither. I am my own person, I have my own sense of style, I have my own sense of path, and the way I want to go. And it matters to have that place for people on the spectrum of this life that we call gender and sexuality to be able to be themselves and express themselves in that way without having to define themselves as a man or a woman. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I think about the difference between someone who is binary trans, like they were assigned male at birth, and now they identify as a woman. So they're interacting with these two binaries of man versus woman, which is completely okay and it's super important that people identify, however, it makes them feel most safe and authentic in the world. And what you're describing is that it's something outside of that, that there are third genders or there are rejection of gender as a concept altogether, and I'm hearing a little bit also perhaps of what some binary trans people talk a lot about around gender dysphoria, like, I don't feel good or comfortable in my body until I'm able to present as my authentic self, that I mean, identifying as a man in the world just because I was born with a penis doesn't feel true and experienced in some gender dysphoria and can be associated with depression or suicidal feelings. I'm wondering if you experienced some of that kind of gender dysphoria and mental health. - So me personally, I don't experience gender dysphoria. - Okay. - Or dysmorphia. I don't really feel that way, but when I look in the mirror, it's kind of like, ah, I'm not really a girl. I'm just not, I just don't feel like one. But I do love dresses and I love makeup, but I also love my hair short. And if I could have a beard, I fucking would have a beard. You know what I mean? And I want biological children, but I don't know if I wanna be the one that's pregnant. So it's very fluid, very complicated kind of feelings, but I definitely, when I was younger, I looked in the mirror and I wanted to be skinny and that's where a lot of my, like, issues came from, but when it came around gender, like, I didn't look at a mirror, I go, oh my gosh, like, I hate this part of my body. I don't have periods because I hate periods and I hate the reminder that I have uterus. And if I had a beard, or if I could have a beard, I'd have one. It's really it. If you could have a penis, as you want one. If I could have a penis, would I want one? I think if I was presented the option, I would say no. But if I could, like, have an attachment, I would, that I can, like, attach sometimes and take off other times, I would love that a lot more. - Yeah, uh-huh. - Yeah. Awesome. And you identify, your pronouns are they and them, right? - Yeah. - And that feels important to you. You feel more respected when people are going. - Yeah, I do. My partner, he's very new to this. He's never dated anybody outside of being, like, you know, a staunch woman. And so he struggles with my pronouns, but he tries. And I know he tries. And whenever he says anything gender neutral, I get this, like, teeny feeling, where I'm like, oof. - Okay, see me. - Yes, so. - That's awesome. - Yeah, and same thing with my friends when they use they, them. I'm like, oh, that makes me feel good. And I wanna kind of side note this, too. Anybody who uses pronouns other than they were assigned, they, and I've spoken to so many people, they don't like it when you screw up and go, oh my God, I'm so sorry, just move on. Don't say, oh my God, I'm so sorry, every single time. So if you're talking about me and you go, she, don't look at me and go, I'm so sorry. Just go, she, I mean, excuse me, they, and continue. 'Cause if you say that, if you take a moment to focus the attention on me, it's very uncomfortable. You're uncomfortable. They say sorry when you screw up every single time, 'cause it's gonna get old for both of us. - Yeah, yeah. - Just move on. So puts the honor, puts the responsibility on you to forgive them to take that moment of emotional labor. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really helpful to know that intentionality matters and we just wanna say they as much as possible to respect you and sometimes you'll mess up. - And it's hard, too, because I do look like a woman. I do look like a woman, I do dress like a woman. And so people tend to default to she/her. And a lot of my friends, they do screw up sometimes, but they all know to just keep moving, excuse me, I keep moving forward and my partner does the same thing, too. - I'm so happy for you that you have someone, your romantic connection that respects who you wanna be in the world. This is the first time I've been with somebody who respects my pronouns, so it's very nice. - Which is part of you loving yourself and saying, here I am and setting the terms on which you're going to be loved. - Yes. - Yeah, we teach each other, we teach other people how to love ourselves. Okay, do you wanna read the next question? - Yes, my partner wants to get into BDSM. I don't understand why she wants to do that or what it even means. It just makes me think of people wearing leather and hitting each other. How do I get over the egg factor? That's hilarious. - Yes, yeah, I was actually sitting in a BDSM 101 session one time, it was at a Swinger weekend. And they had a lot of toys out, maybe we're talking about different kinds of BDSM. And the first question from someone, which was just like beautifully authentic and they weren't trying to be judgmental, they were just being honest, they were like, does anyone ever really like this? And there was a crowd of people in the room that was like, hell yeah, I like receiving pain or playing with power dynamics or whatever. So what do you think, what does that mean for you if you're involved in BDSM, King? - Yeah, so it's not always sexual. Yeah, sometimes it is just a play part, it is just something you do. And then sometimes it is sexual, it just depends on the person. I would highly recommend having this conversation with your partner. But it doesn't mean they want to hurt you or they want you to hurt them. They just wanna feel that pain because that pain is the same part of your brain that has the horny hormone, it's the same. And it makes you feel good. So I like being bitten and I like being spanked. And that little bit of pain transfers over to the horniness. And it does feel really good. Let's see. It's just me saying if you're wearing leather and hitting each other, I love that part. Does everybody who participates in BDSM wear leather? - Uh, no. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - Now, is leather involved sometimes? - Yeah. - There are different toys that can use leather, but if you're not into that, there's also more softer ones and more feathery ones and stuff like that. BDSM I feel like means it's just more attention to the body itself than the actual sexual parts. I just, just the other day, one of my friends was like, "Hey, we're gonna do a non-sexual BDSM scene. "Do you wanna watch?" And I was like, "Fuck yeah." And they tied her up and across. And he just used different types of sensory play tools on her, and that was all they did. And it looked like so much fun. And that's all he did is he just lightly hit her with different sensory things and these like, these like banjo picks, which I'm like, I don't want some of those in my life. (laughing) And like feathers, and then like one of those like, old style like cowboy heel things. - Oh interesting. - Yeah, he used that on her, and that was super interesting. So I think it just means it's you're paying more attention to the body than the sexual parts. And it can be really fun if you wanna participate in that with your partner. - Yeah. It's cool that you're describing some of the different things that can be done, especially around toys and sensation. And I think one of the things, oh my gosh, so many of these things go back to communication. Because for example, for me, so I have four or five different partners right now, depends on the day. But I play with King with all of them, but it looks really different in each relationship. I really, on a personal level, enjoy a lot of power play. For me, like being tied up is about trusting the other person and giving over that vulnerability. Sometimes I do like pain, either giving or receiving, but I think a lot of it is like giving or receiving the energy, or like, again, like trusting that your partner is going to feel your boundaries and limits, and having the willingness to push yourself to give to them. And I have another partner who is more kind of into the sensation play that you're describing, that they really like the kind of play of different kind of variety and novelty and sensations on the body. And so for, if your partner is into BDSM, it's like a huge umbrella, and it helps to figure out what it is that they get from it or want from it with you or with other people. Beautiful. Okay, the next one is someone asked, I want to have sex with a friend who is trans. I think in this question, they're talking about binary trans. So someone who identifies as a different gender than they were born at birth, but I don't know what to call their body part, so we're having sex. What should I do? Ask them. (laughing) Wait a second, you don't mean that everyone calls their vagina, a pussy or a cunt. Yeah, definitely just have that open communication, just be like, hey, what do you like your parts called? And like all your parts, like what do you want? Your breasts call, what do you want? Like your clit, your pussy, like all those things, like when do you want them called? And then this is the best advice I can give, really. Yeah, I loved when we were in doing the circle, the opening circle, doing one of the cliff media shoots, and someone suggested, the brilliant suggestion of asking people what they call their downstairs. I love that phrasing. And I was amazed by how many different words people had. Like bits, ladycock. Yeah, ladycock, yeah. Yeah, that was a fun one. Yeah, and I wouldn't have ever thought to say that if they hadn't said that that's what they wanted. Right, yeah. My partner and I are starting to explore non-monogamy. They want to do a full swap, but I'm nervous at seeing them having sex with someone else who makes me jealous. I want to support them, but I don't know how to get over this feeling of help. Ooh, I love this. Okay, this is a great question. So, my partner and I, we are exploring non-monogamy. We also want to do a full swap, but we are both very nervous about watching the other person have sex with somebody that isn't us. Oh, you've talked about it. Yes, we had a full swap. We decided to start off like literally the tiniest of baby steps first, which is making out with other people. And that's it. That's all we're doing right now. It's just making out with other people and like seeing how we feel about that. So far it's going really good, but we're still nervous about doing full swap. So we might, I think our next step is just kind of like playing with other people. But again, like we're taking it one step at a time. So definitely have that open communication with your partner and I fully, fully support and suggest taking those tini tiny little baby steps at first and whatever those baby steps look like to you. Maybe they're just conversating with people that aren't your partner in a sexual manner. Maybe that's your baby step, you know what I mean? And I fully suggest sex clubs because those are really good places to open with that. And those, especially the one I go to, very, very late consent base. So you can be like, hey, my partner and I we're very new to nominee. We don't want to do a full swap yet, but is it okay if we take some of your time tonight to talk to you and see like what that looks like for you. And I also suggest they at the club I go to, they have like Swinger 101 nights, go to that. And then they also have a like, midnight where men go just to ask questions with each other, just to be like, hey, I've never done this. What advice can you give me? Go to those, go online, look up some of those spaces and go to them. It's beautiful that everyone has different approaches to this. I absolutely think that that's a great idea in relationships to consider taking it really slowly. I have found that I personally work a little differently is like, if I'm feeling insecure or jealous, I want the exposure therapy of being pushed to my extreme limits. That's why I like being cucked because it forces me to turn my insecurity into eroticism. So for example, one of my partners will tie me up and attach me to something and make me watch like as he's fucking some guy's ass. And he's like using the most intense king terms that he knows will make me really jealous, specifically for the purpose of being like, you're having this problem, get through it. It's not from the place of being mean. It's more like, I want to work through it. And so I'm pushing myself to do this at the extreme. - Yeah. - Yeah, go either way. - Yeah, you can go either way. It really just depends on like what you and your partner want to do. - Yeah, so yeah, yeah, that's cool. - Okay, next person says, "I can't take anything bigger than a picky figure in my ass." Ooh, no, I remember that feeling, yes. I'm a bad guy and I want to feel guys fuck me in the ass, but it's still really painful for me. - So I don't have a ton of experience with this. I don't like anal play, like at all. I've tried it many, many times and I just don't like it. Now, that's me. That's just me. There are different ways to do it. There are ways, there's tons of articles online that you can go up and look up and read. But I know this one that I found where he said, he took a whole month where every day, he put something slightly bigger in his ass with lots and lots of lube and very, very slowly until the end of the month he was able to take a full, his boyfriend's car. - Yes, yes. - The body needs to be trained and emotionally trained too. Like, you know, whether you're doing a masturbation or a partner using lots of lube, I love that. And like working up and connecting that process with eroticism. So when your partner is sliding a finger in your ass, first of all, if someone is sliding a finger in your ass, that means they're consenting to any possible mess. So you can just release the fear that you're gonna make a mess on them. 'Cause if you are all good, otherwise it wouldn't be doing it. And then like focusing on, if you want it, like why you want it, what that connection is about or what that like play or whatever, whatever the sexual reason is that you wanna do that so that you can convert that pain into erotic pleasure. - Heck yeah. - Oh, and I also, I just wanted to end with highlighting what you said that felt super real is like, you also don't have to have anything in your ass and have real hot sex no matter what body part someone else has, yeah. Okay, you wanna do this one? - Yes. I have a crush on this girl on my volleyball team, but I don't know how to make a move or ask her out, which should I do? Oh my gosh, I understand that feeling. I really, really do. The number one thing that I find super easy is to always close, women love compliments. Hi, I think your hair is really gorgeous today. What did you do to it? And then just go from there. That opens the conversation, has started the conversation. Now you guys are talking and now you'll start to feel a little bit more comfortable and be like, can I take you out sometime? And I want to highlight something. Be okay with being told no. - Yes. - Be okay with being told no. You're gonna get rejected. You're gonna get a hundred times more rejections than you're gonna get yeses and hell yeses and all that stuff. Be okay with that. I know it sucks, it really, really sucks and it hurts, except that hurt, except that space and try again to somebody else. - I was just listening to a podcast today where someone was talking about their projects to for a hundred days force themselves to go up to strangers and ask a really ridiculous question. Like he went to a security guard and he said, could I have a hundred dollars? Of course not, but he was inoculating himself to the experience of rejection. - Can I get your number? Would you like to go on a date with me? Knowing that, not only is it okay if you say no, if you say no, that's a gift to me because then I know that any kind of, yes, it's a really yes. And so, yeah, that's the first thing. And just putting yourself out there. I have a friend who is approached to asking someone to have sex at a sex club after they've had some kind of connection like on a dance floor or chatting or whatever is, would you like to go fuck? And that's really vulnerable because the answer could easily be no. And it's only an appropriate question. If after no, you leave it alone, you don't ask again. - Yeah, yeah. And I got that, I had sex clubs. I've had people come up to me, we've had a little bit of conversation and then they asked me if I want to go fuck and I say no. And I get one or two responses all the time. It's always, okay, thank you, have a nice night. Or, well, I've been enjoying our conversations. Is it okay if I continue to talk to you for a little bit? - Yeah, yeah. And that's cool too, because now I'm just conversing with somebody who knows I'm not gonna fuck them. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds like there's some similarities in whether you're connecting with a woman or a man that you're still, the compliments I agree with that that can feel really good can like, I like being affirmed that like, I'm physically or emotionally attractive, but beyond that, it's like the direct communication with someone being willingness to ask. - Oh my gosh, confidence is high. - Yeah. (laughs) All right, we have a couple more, then we'll wrap this up. Someone said I have a hard time orgasming during sex with my partner. I wanna feel sexually connected to him and I hate seeing my partner feel guilty and rejected knowing they can't make me come. How do I get past this roadblock? Does this mean he's the wrong person for me? - Wow, that's a heavy one. First thing I want to highlight is, are you on any medication? Did you just recently start taking any medication? Did your diet change? Is there like something on your mind lately that you haven't gone through or kind of overcome? There's a million reasons why you can't come with your partner that have nothing to do with you or your partner, you know what I mean? So I think the first step is trying to find that out. What has changed? What else is going on? Is there something on your mind? Like trying to figure out one of those reasons. And if it's not, if you're not on any medication, if you're not, you know, denying your brain something or whatever it is, if you truly think it has to do with you or your partner, introduce toys, introduce toys. There is no, no, no shame in introducing toys into sex. It is way more fun and trust me, the orgasms are amazing. Yeah, just introduce like maybe a small vibrator or copy that vibrates 'cause those are cool. Just, you know, or maybe like a blindfold, maybe introduce a blindfold if you're too scared to try anything else, you know? Maybe go slower, maybe focus on foreplay for way longer. I know for me, if we just jump right into sex, I'm not organizing at all. It's just not happening. If we focus way more on foreplay for a good 15, 20 minutes, then we get into the sex, then I'm probably gonna come three or four times. That's just how my body works. So you gotta kind of ask yourself that. And I am on medication that makes it hard for me to come. And so I really can only come just a handful of times before like my body is like, that's all you're getting. - Yeah, I know about it. - So definitely looking to look into that. - I have found that I have some partners that I orgasm really hard with. I really intend sex with and other partners that, you know, we have a fun sexual time that I don't necessarily have a lot of orgasms or we don't have as deep a sexual connection. I think that's one advantage of Paulie and being Bali Emmers is that I can have different types of connection with different partners and not having as many orgasms with one partner or another doesn't mean that we don't have a valuable relationship. And yeah, I know that there's some people who like only orgasm through clits stimulation. So it's great that idea that you're talking about vibrators and toys, but if you don't orgas and that's okay too, I actually, I've also been with several partners who only ever orgasm through masturbation. Like it's such a private, vulnerable thing that like with any partners, they don't do that. And so yeah, there can be so many reasons why and it doesn't necessarily have to mean anything either about your body or your connection. - Yeah, and that doesn't mean he's not right for you. I'm sorry to say, but like the body is so complicated and there's so much going on with the body that just because you can't orgasm with your partner doesn't mean he's not right for you. I think that's, yeah, yep. - You're okay. You can talk it out. - Yeah, you're okay with it. - All right, last question, you wanna ask it? - Yeah, I haven't been wanting sex lately because I've gained a lot of weight and I feel bad about my body. I don't wanna lose my partner and I miss feeling sexy, but it's just hard to get it on while I'm self-conscious and feeling gross about myself. What can I do? Oh my goodness. I relate to this a lot. - Do you have extra money? Because I would pay for a Boudoir shoot. (laughing) I would honestly find somebody that does Boudoir and do a Boudoir shoot because they are amazing and making you feel sexy. Buy some brand new lingerie that fits, don't buy one that's too small or too big, buy what fits and what feels good. Go to a Boudoir person, have a shoot done, go to your partner and look at those, the completed photos together and talk about them and be like, wow, look at this position. Wow, your ass looks really good like that. And before you know it, you'll feel sexy, trust me. - Yeah, I used to really feel insecure. I had acne up until a year ago and I also have stretch marks from my baby pushing her human out into the world. And so I did feel really insecure about it and one of the things that helped me through that was I did porn, put it onto the internet and people were like, oh, that's hot and I was like, oh, I'm hot anyway. In spite of these insecurities that I had about my body and also like there are a couple of friends that even even folks in our community who are bad, like they identify with the term fat and they're also like, I'm fat and sexy, like let's get it on. And I love that it's not about, I need to go exercise and diet and make myself right. It's like your body is actually amazing right now, exactly as it is. And the most attractive thing is being happy, being confident, being vulnerable. Like none of those things require any XYZ about your body shape. - Yup, yup, you can be fat and you can be sexy. - Hell yes, yes, I love bellies. - Yes. - All right, thank you folks for sending in your questions. Thank you Gigi for sharing, oh my gosh, all of your wisdom, so many different topics. And this was a lot of fun to connect with you and with viewers and your honesty and vulnerability. This has been another edition of a Sluts Guide to Happiness with your host Vanessa Cliff and our amazing handsome gorgeous guest Gigi. You can find us wherever you get your podcast including Apple, Spotify and YouTube as well as on VanessaCliff.com. Please help us by liking and sharing this podcast and stay tuned for more deep dives and a beautiful messy waters. If you are over the age of 18, you can check out our video content including this amazing sexy human on our website, VanessaCliff.com. And most of all, I invite you to join us in the pleasure of being awkwardly human, naked and without pretense. Let's get free. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)
