Baconsale

Episode 464: The Greatest Brand Mascot (Tournament Finals)

Oh yeah! This Baconsale commercial mascot battle just keeps going and going and going. What can we say? We like to party. And while things may get a little cuckoo on this episode, we are going to finish the bracket and declare which mascot packs the biggest vitamin-packed punch. Do you believe in magic? Because that’s going to come into play a few times, as well as some Bible stories. Our logic may be difficult to follow, but just follow your nose and you’ll be fine. Will a snowmobile be the leprechaun’s lucky charm? Can Smokey Bear prevent tire fires? Would the silly Trix Rabbit do better against kids? Will a pepper bar be the downfall of Cap’n Crunch? Press play to find out. You can also download the advanced mascot bracket at Baconsale.com.

Duration:: 1h 24m
Broadcast on:: 19 Aug 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

(upbeat music) - This is Kate Beckinsale. You're listening to Beckinsale. (upbeat music) - Show 'em that you're a fighter. Show 'em what you can do. These mascots meet their grisly fates. Bring out the fighter in you. - And you. - Oh yes. (laughing) That was great. - Thank you. (laughing) - Nicely done, nicely done. - Thank you. - Welcome to Beckinsale, I'm Joel. - I'm Kent. - And I'm Zach. - We'd like to thank you for listening to our last episode, our tournament of mascots, brand mascots part one. - Part one. - Part one. - A couple of times this was very well summed up with K.P. Brown saying add a dash of situational and ever-changing logic to the normal recipe of trivial discussions and you have a Bacon Sale bracket challenge always super odd and fun. And that is just accurate. Is it not? - Is that just the SEO for our website? - Absolutely, right? - CMove51 on Instagram says these episodes are a train wreck. Chaos and make no sense, but impossible to look away. Well done and very entertaining also. Little side note, in honor of Mr. Monopoly getting a win, I'm once again championing for a modern day board games episode. - We get it, we don't have the time. (laughing) - Modern board games are too long, I'm just so sorry. And Star Wars expert Kyler says what a terrible time to be on a diet. I'm 20 minutes into this week's episode of Bacon Sale and I want McDonald's and Sour Patch Kids and several bowls of cereal. - I think that's on him, that's not on us. We did not make any of those sound appetizing. - Yeah, no. - What happens on Bacon Sale? The one time we talked about Subway, that was the only time food was not desired after cooking sale. - You're welcome. - Every other time. - Still funny. (laughing) But that's exactly what we're talking about today. (laughing) - That's entirely true. - And what are we talking about today Zach? - That thing. - Yes, nothing but more. - Yes, today we are finalizing and finishing. - Last week's thing. - But more of it. - Yes. - Because the bracket of 64 takes a very long time for us to get through. So today we'll be finishing that up and you can find the bracket at baconsell.com. And if you go to this specific episode, you'll find an advanced bracket so you can pick up right where we're starting. - Do we feel like we're gonna go faster on this one? - No. - I mean, we've talked about what brand they're from. We talked about what they look like, for example. I mean, and maybe some of the matches will be easier. Maybe a little bit harder. - I guess we're gonna find out. - I will say the funny thing that happened to me this week is I tried to explain this game that we're playing to my young children. - Oh. - And they knew who all these characters were. - You know what was tougher to explain than we're pretending that they're fighting to the death was so a commercial. - Yes. - And a commercial mascot. It's a thing that you skip on your YouTube or whatever. You know, they don't actually know who any of these are. They've been skipping commercials. - My eight-year-old daughter, as I was getting ready to leave tonight, says, "What's the episode on tonight?" And I said, "Brand mascot battles." She went, "I don't know what any of that means." - I don't know about you guys though, but my YouTube ads, or at least for my kids, are Fruit Loop based. - Are they? - Yeah, YouTube is listening. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. - Well, and the fact that you looked up every single commercial-- - I mean, that's true, yeah. - That's actually the thing. But yes, we are going to be doing finishing our bracket by having each of these mascots battle up against each other. We're gonna be voting for who we think wins, using whatever argument suits our argument at that time. - At that time. - And then whoever moves on moves on to the next round. Pretty simple. - To a main winner. - To a main winner to see who is the master mascot? - The toughest? - Wow, I don't wanna say master mascot. That sounds weird. - Yeah, sure. - But a toughest mascot, biggest mascot, best mascot. We're gonna find out, but this is fighting ability. - We're not going with like ability. - Except for if it's convenient. - Because you guys killed pop and fresh. - Hee hee. - I mean, he did. - Who's more likable between the Pillsbury Doughboy and the Snuggle Bear? - Mm, that is a sentence that's never been said before. (laughing) - I'm sure it has. - Now, probably. - All right, so should we get started again? - Do this. - First, we have the Kool-Aid Man. - From Kool-Aid. - From Kool-Aid. - Versus Sunny, the Kook-O-Bear. - From Kook-O-Buffs. - Kook-O-Buffs, I mean. - Now, oh yes, and we should clarify. Once again, they're fighting in a Hunger Games style arena. - Yeah. - I'll say this. - Go ahead. - The environment could change. - But when I decide. - Thank you. - No, no, no, no, no, no. It could change, but it's like, it's not constantly changing. Like in the Hunger Games, they're not constantly like, "Oh, you're in a forest." - No, you're in the desert. - Okay. - It's like they set it, they put them in there. So if we set the environment, if we set the boundaries at the beginning, I'm fine with that. - So this isn't the Thunderdome or anything, but it's a place where maybe it's-- - Two meters, no where near this place. - It's not a super biased place for either fighter. - We hope not. - Okay. - We hope to keep it as game masters. We want to make keep it as fair as possible. - Sure, yeah. - But here we have the Kool-Aid man who's a giant pitcher of Kool-Aid cherry Kool-Aid usually. - Over seven feet tall. - Yeah. By the way, his arms and legs were added in 1974. Before that, he was just a pitcher. And then it's like back in the early. - The evolution of the Kool-Aid man is pretty scary. - Wait, how tall did you say? - He's seven feet tall. - I have a six foot here. - Yeah, I know he's grown since then Joel. - Knew how we have Sunny, the Kookoo Bird. - That's all you gotta say. - Here's the important thing. How does a Kool-Aid man die? Because we decided last time that his actual him is the container. - Yes, the glass. - And his mood or whatever is his-- - His mood and abilities often. - And abilities. - Are you dreaming of whatever it is? - But also guess what? He can become the choos at times. I watched way too many Kool-Aid commercials. - Like love juice ones. - Yeah, kind of. - Uh-oh. - Here's the thing. - Sunny's going down. - In this case he doesn't die. He grabs the bird and he drowns it. - In his own body. - What is it? - Wow. - Yeah, I mean, that's really all it will take because the birds are not gonna go that crazy. Even if the bird tries to peck at the glass, it's actually not glass, he's made out of crystal. - Okay, so the crystal needs to shatter. - Yeah. - In order for the Kool-Aid man to die. - I would assume so. - But guess what? - But guess what? - They also won't kill him. But there are other arguments I'll make for another round because I do believe the Kool-Aid man should go on. - Can you smell the Kool-Aid man? - You know what? You probably can. - Oh boy. - Yeah. - I smelled him the other day. - I saw those going a little different. I tried just, it was coming up with scenarios. - Yeah, sure, sure. - And in my mind, the battle starts and Sunny's like, I got this, I'm gonna kill the Kool-Aid man. - And then Kool-Aid man comes in, and instead of Kool-Aid inside of him, he's got milk left over from a bowl of cocoa puffs. So all Sunny can do is smell the cocoa puffs in the air, and he goes cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Kind of a similar thing. He goes in to get the cocoa puffs, and Kool-Aid man just puts his hands up, pushes Sunny down and holds him in his self and drowns him. - Yeah, just in his skull there. - You lost me at, I think that the Kool-Aid man must keep Kool-Aid in his container. I don't think any foreign liquids are allowed. - I don't know. - But substantive of cocoa puffs. - That's fine. - But the fact that both of us kind of see him drowning, Sunny drowning, that says, by the way, Sunny, by the way, is his name because originally they had Sunny and his grandfather, Gramps. So it was Gramps and Sunny, but then no one liked Gramps and he probably passed away. And Sunny became Sunny the Cuckoo Bird. - Indeed. - The late Sunny the Cuckoo Bird. - Indeed. - Jumps and logic aside, Kool-Aid man wins. (upbeat music) - I got it! - Oh yeah! - Now we have Count Chocula. - Count Chocula cereal. - Anyhold Spice guy. - This is a good one. - Old Spice, he's not a horse. - So it's a vampire versus like a master of illusion. - One of them can fight all the time in any type of daylight. - Oh. - Yeah, they can't. - Wait, have you seen Old Spice guy fight? - You just think he'd be good in a fight. - Yes. - I think it's like he's not super strong unless he's Terry Cruz, but I think he's very crafty. - Obviously. - You're not not strong with those abs, come on. Paint it on. CGI. - Stop. - Actually, fun fact, most of the stuff they did in the commercial was practical. - Yeah, it's fantastic. - It literally lifted him up on a crane and put him on a horse. - Behind the scenes filming of those commercials was amazing. - Fascinating, I love those. - All right, so, but Zach, we have a human being and a vampire. A vampire who's seven foot six. - But he's also a benign vampire. He's not very threatening. - Vampire? - Vampire's get beat by humans all the time. Watch a movie, dude. (laughing) If they're not falling in love. - Oh, the new Twilight. Can't shock it in the old Spice guy? - I would fall in love with the old Spice guy. - Actually, he's a pretty good match. (laughing) - I'm just gonna say, what is the case with the logo for old spices? - It's a sailboat. - It is a sailboat with what on the front? - I don't know. - A giant wooden master post, or whatever you call that. The Pokey thing. - Are you insinuating that the old Spice guy can pilot a sailboat into a... - He's not Jaws the Revenge. - No, I'm saying, I'm saying that I say Mustafa, old Spice guy, is gonna break off the front of that mast, uses a wooden stake and impale. - You're overthinking it because, listen, Dracula did survive the voyage of the Demeter. In fact, he's the only survivor on that faded crew. - Wow. - Good reference. - Yeah, I think it will be a pretty good fight. It will be at night because Count Chock that wants to get the jump on him. However, I do believe old Spice guy can turn the day into night. - Look at me. Now look at the sun. Now back to you. Back to the pile of ashes you are. - I think it will be a very good fight, but I do think old Spice guy will win based on that. - I think old Spice guy wins. - Sorry, Count, you're down for the count. - I mean, still funny. - Also, I gotta say, Count Chocula, my least favorite of the holiday race. - Every time, every time we buy the variety, every October, the kids know that's coming. Like, I usually hide it around the house and then on October 1st, it's there. - Frank and Barry, anyone? - Frank and Barry and Boo Barry. - I'm a Boo Barry boy. - Oh, Boo Barry boy. And first time that's ever been said, I doubt I gotta say it every October. - But inevitably, the Count Chocula is the last box you're hiding every time. - Even though he's like the mirror of the cedar. - Oh, no, that new one, the caramel apple. - Yeah, they're trying it. - That was bad. - It's bad. - Boo Barry for life. - Same for our monster cereal tiering episode. - Coming soon. - We just did it. - Hello ladies, look at your man. - Now back to me. - Now back at your man. - Now back to me. - Now we have Ronald McDonald's. - Ronald McDonald's and sugar bear. - I'm sure Chris. - I've always seen Ronald McDonald as a pacifist. - Fun fact, are you serious? - He's got a nice house. - McDonald's takes care of people. And they're pink slime in all the meat they process. - Say that, member, legal action. - Allegedly. - I feel like he's a pacifist. - There's no way. - Have you guys seen the original Ronald McDonald's? - Have you met a clown? They're not pacifists. They're there to scare us. - But have you guys seen the original Ronald McDonald's? - I'm terrified. - Absolutely. - With like a cup for a nose and like a tray on his head. I watched the first Ronald McDonald commercial, which came out actually in 1965 during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. And I watched it, I'm like, okay, that guy's terrifying. He's definitely changed since then. They've definitely softened the image a little bit. - Yeah, however, he's now a magician. Like you can now do anything. Meanwhile, you have a five foot tall skinny bear. He's a very skinny bear. - He's not skinny. - Sugar bear is skinny. - He's not skinny. - Don't fat shame sugar bear. - I'm not. - You're skinny shaming sugar bear. Once again, sentences that bear would sound like ever. - It's the show. - It's the story of the world. - Yeah, but also, I don't know. I just think that we have a six foot tall clown with magic powers and a short bear. - Kent, I didn't want to bring this up, but you forced my hand. - Okay, go on. - The song, the jingle that I sang to you guys after we got home from our recording last week. - Whispering Sweet Nothings as I fell asleep. - Yes, my golden grieves. That song, do you guys recognize the tune for that? - I know. - It's from Joshua Fit the Battle of Jericho. - Oh, yeah, I know, Jericho. - I have once sung in a choir in the state of Utah. Of course I know it. - Elvis sang it too, but point being is that song is all about giant walls tumbling down through minimal effort, and I think that proves. - You mean it would take him seven days to walk around to McDonald's? - He's gonna do seven laps around Ronald McDonald's. I'm blowin' Trump, but I think heaven is with Sugar Bear, and he's gonna knock down the Battle of Ronald McDonald. - He's a puncher. He is literally, that's his whole thing, is he's like, I don't know, he has a vitamin pack punch. - I didn't want to do this already, but Ronald McDonald has knocked away a falling meteor with an oversized baseball bat. He can pull weapons out of his sleeves. He can dance so fast and he appears to have numerous legs. He can extend his arm out to turn off the sun. He can levitate food or anything he wants. - So you're saying he's magic. - He's magic. And what does he have up his sleeve? - Anything he wants. - That's funny, 'cause I have an ace up my sleeve. Look at this here. - A literal quote. - I love this so much. - A literal quote. I didn't want to pull this out, but here we go. - Oh, I'm so excited. - A literal quote from Wikipedia show, some of the knowledge in truth. Sugar Bear would do battle in the commercial. Sugar Bear would do battle with Granny, an elderly witch-like figure with a magic wand who, despite liberal use of magic, could never keep Sugar Bear from helping himself to her golden crisp. - Granny. - Magic does. - Not the most successful. - Magic does nothing on sugar bear. - No effect. - Bearwise.com says that loud noises, shouts and banging pots and pans terrify a brown bear. Pots and pans. - He fight, this is not. - Should we go in the kitchen and McDonald's? - Sugar Bear is no normal bear, Ken. He's touched an alligator in the face and knocked out his teeth. - Is Ronald McDonald an animal? No, he's not. - Yes, he is an animal. - He's a very tall, scary clown with magic powers. - Clowns are animals too, Ken. Clowns are animals too. - Also, playing dead can confuse a brown bear. They're not actually all that violent. - Okay, Ken, do brown bears wear t-shirts? - Do brown bears often sing? (laughing) - You cannot use real animal arguments with sugar bear. - How about that though? - Sugar bear, magic doesn't affect them. One punch from one vitamin packed punch. - You're saying the Dean Martin Bear. - Vitamin deficient is going to be the king of mascots? - I'm sorry but no. - Vitamin deficient Ronald McDonald versus vitamin packed sugar bear. - Vitamins for the win. Vitamin C, what's that C4 clown? What's that clown dead? - Existence erasure. He can snap away things like a hammock. Transmutation, he can turn bananas into banana shakes. I mean the guy can do anything. He can basically make sugar bear disappear. - And sugar bear would come back and invisible punch him. - No, he doesn't do that. - What are you, literally put his abilities? - He can like talk to animals and make them just chill. - He has a vitamin packed punch. What if Ronald McDonald has magic? - There's no vitamins. - What is sugar bear resistant to? - Magic. This is going to wake you up. - He is also nutrition. - I'm going to give it to sugar bear. - Oh! - This is ridiculous. - I love it. That's such a mistake, no way. No way. Ronald McDonald sucks. - A fighter versus a nice clown. - He's not a nice clown. - Has he ever used his magic aggressively? Have you seen Super Size Me? (laughing) - Okay, all right. There we go. - I'm not touching that. I think sugar bear is impervious to alcoholism. (laughing) Sugar bear win. - Heart disease is the number one killer in the US and McDonald's has a part to play in that. Are we serious? - Exactly. - Are we serious? - ♪ I can't get enough of Super Golden Chris ♪ ♪ It's got the crunch with punch, yeah ♪ - Our next matchup is a Mr. mucus. - From mucinex commercials. - I have a gallagreen diet. - Oh, cool, cool. - BNG foods. (laughing) - All right, so I looked up what mucus does 'cause I think mucus is strong, right? As an attack, what mucus does to plants. I guess what it does, it fertilizes them. It actually helps them grow in strength. - Oh no. - So there's no contest here. Let's not waste time. - Well, and the truth is the mucinex, the Mr. mucus, excuse me, Mr. mucus is defeated in every single commercial he's in. I don't know how, I didn't vote for him last time. I'm pretty sure it was him against snap peckle and pop. - Yeah, easily. - Who should have won. - Now. - So I'm happy to get rid of Mr. mucus now. - Yeah, the gallagreen giant wins. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. - Now we have Wendy. - Oh no. - For Wendy's? - Versus Mr. Clean. - Yeah. - From Procter and Gamble. - This feels wrong, I think we should just clean. Mr. Clean. I feel like we should just vote Mr. Clean and move on. - Well, she is a trash talker. - Okay. - She's real savage on social media. - This is, what does Mr. Clean do? - He. - He cleans. - He just kind of stands there and looks at you in mirrors and it's just pretty clean. - No, he cleans. - Does he clean? - Have you not seen the US? - Okay, he's overpriced. - We're overpriced. - And the moms are looking at him. - You can find generic products that would do their job better sometimes. Can you not? - The same with Wendy. - Magic eraser. - Same with Wendy's. You can find generic burgers. - Wendy's is the generic product. - You can find generic burgers, more generic burgers. - I'm pretty sure Wendy's burgers are made of the magic you're eating. (laughing) - Allegedly. Allegedly. - Have you guys not been to Wanda's? It's basically the same. (laughing) - No. - Yeah. - Here's the weird thing about this. So when I grab the audio clips for the episode last time and some of the ones are hardest if I were these two because Wendy doesn't really speak in any commercials. Mostly Dave Thomas. - Yeah. - She looks, she's the look of Wendy's but she's not the voice. And Mr. Clean rarely ever speaks. - Yeah. - I think maybe once or twice he spoke. - He does a creepy wink. - Not very memorable. - And he shows up in your house. - Yeah. - I guess I'm okay with this. - But Mr. Clean also has one of the best jingles in like longest running jingles. I just love his jingle. - Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean. - He's low key jacked though, right? - Like he is. - Yeah. - Physically. - We're imposing them. - We're giving Wendy like a lot of time here. - Yeah. Let's get rid of Wendy. - Yeah, let's get rid of her. - She's not going to win again, Mr. Clean. - Mr. Clean wins. Please don't go into details. ♪ Mr. Clean gets rid of dirt ♪ ♪ And dirt and rhyme and grease in just a minute ♪ - Now we have Toucan, Sam. - From Froo Loops and Twinkie the Kid, from Twinkies. - Yes. - All right. You ready? You ready for my argument? Are you going to shoot down Zach? - Yeah. - For some reason? - Mm-hmm. - Come on. He made a compelling argument for Sugar Bear. - That was not that he's getting the work. - He'll disappear and they'll just come back. - That was his argument. - Resistant to magic. - A Jericho vitamin punch thing. - Yeah. - That's right. - Kevin is on Sugar Bear side, Ken. - All right. - Toucan's. - Toucan's. - Works against McDonald's apparently. - Toucan's the average they show. - What is the show? - The kitchen of McDonald's in the Old Testament. - Two, one. (laughing) - Great. - Yeah, anyways, it's okay. - Don't you let the nuggets too close to the fire? Anyway, yeah. - Okay, as I discussed last time, like I don't really care who wins or not in this one, but I did describe that the Toucan's beak is made out of keratin, which is your fingernail material. - Right, right. - It is actually quite brittle, though we did win that match. - Yes. - So I was like, what can be a bird? 'Cause clearly a Twinkie is not going to be a bird. - This isn't just a Twinkie Kent. - This is Twinkie the Kid with the Lasso. - Boots, boots. - With the Lasso. - Kirchif, lasso, and 10-gallon hat. - Yes, I mean, do you have an opinion on this one, Joel? - Well, I do have a thought. - Okay. - And this thought is we do have the option of bringing in Toucan Sam's three nephews, who by the way, their names are Puy, Susie, and Louis. - Oh, Huey? - Yeah. - Someone hated that kid. - But they have joined him in, I know. It's like, it's so obvious they're ripping off Huey, and Louis. - Puy, Puy, Susie, and Louis, but they've joined him in opposition to many practical, fruit loop loving enemies through a series of integrated commercials. - Nah, it's not a wrestling match. - He could have a gang up there. - No, it's not a wrestling match, come on. - But Twinkie the Kid, I think you have a flying bird, you have a lasso, you can lasso the bird, and then-- - Oh, really? - We're going with this. - Well, no, I think that Twinkie the Kid will lasso, 'cause if you see Twinkie the Kid use that lasso, a lot of cool things of it. He can lasso the bird down, rope him up, and he has boots, and those boots are made for stomping, and that's what they'll do. And then he has gloves, so he doesn't get to get his hands dirty. - Carrots and beak, versus a soft Twinkie. - Here we have boots, cowboy boots. - Have you ever had a chocolate Twinkie? - No, I have, and chocolate. - Are they just a cupcake without the frosting? - Chocolate is toxic to birds, even in small amounts. - Wait, is chocolate twinkie now? - Chocolate contains caffeine, and they are bromine, even if having a little bit creates toxicity in birds, which includes vomiting, tremors, and seizures in birds with just a little bit. - So all he has to do is just change his insides completely. - Yeah, this isn't the Kool-Aid man, man. - Just inject a little bit in his back. He's good to go. - Well then you're assuming, you're assuming that you can try to eat him? - Or he can call his cousin, who is a chocolate Twinkie? - Well, he just, oh, what a cupcake, something he has a sidekick too, but. - Yeah, listen, I just came up with that, 'cause I want to come up with the story, but I also think Twinkie the Kid is gonna survive this match. - What on earth? - You don't agree? - I feel like the Toucan beak would just rip this guy to shreds, no question. - If it was just a Twinkie, sure. - But it's so big that you can get a lasso around that thing. - You guys do live in a little bit. - Slider to the ground. - You are so proud of them. (laughing) - We're proud of Twinkie. - What is Tombstone, your favorite movie of all time? - He's one of my favorite movies. - Geez, Twinkie the Kid wins. - Yeah, he does. - I'm shocked. - I'll stop it. - Twinkie the Kid! (screaming) - Now we have the Geico Gecko. - From Geico Insurance. - And the Brony Man. - From Brony Paper towels. - I wanna say these guys could have a good conversation, but it's really just the Geico Gecko just talking at everybody. Brony Man doesn't talk a lot. - No. - They'll like them. - Strong sound type. - A commercial where he sings a kind of banger song. - Yeah. - That's pretty into it. - Sing it. - Mm-mm. - It's a Brony Man voice kit. - I do love the Gecko because he's like an underdog. - Martin. - Dangina. But there's no way he's moving beyond the Brony Man. - I mean, this feels pretty straightforward. Geico Gecko squished, whatnot. - Yeah, even if he was like trying to like climb up into the close and mess with the Brony Man, those pants are too tight. - I know. - You're not getting in those. - Brony Man wins. - Prime Brony. - Now we have Mr. Peanuts. - From Plander's Peanuts. - And Lucky, the leprechaun. - From Lucky Charms. - Okay, this is ridiculous. - Now these two, I see them as maybe a little more matched than-- - I think so too. - 'Cause Lucky's a little leprechaun and Mr. Peanuts, a giant peanut. - Leprechauns are quite mischievous. - Mischievous. - They are. But I think Mr. Peanut is more, he has, like we've mentioned before, his cane kind of did most of the work last time. - Yeah. - But I think Lucky the leprechaun has more defenses against something like that. I don't think Mr. Peanut's much of a fighter. I'm saying Lucky the leprechaun wins. - Yeah, I mean, I don't really have a good reasoning for it other than like, Lucky the leprechaun can summon things and maybe, you know, like he's summoned a rope, a skateboard, a parachute, magic carpet. He might be able to summon something that could crack the peanut. - Or, honestly, get rid of nutcrackers. - Nutcracker, or even if it was a skateboard, which he did do in a commercial, have it roll over Mr. Peanut and he's peanut butter. - Yep. - Okay, Lucky the leprechaun wins. - Always hard to be lucky, charged. - And now, second side of the bracket, by the way, we are just flying on. - Yes. - Tony the tiger. - From Frosted Flakes versus Trix. Rabbit. - From Trix. - Now this, this is like almost like a final, a serial match here, but. - Yeah, 'cause it's well known characters. - Yes. - Yeah. - Trix Rabbit, to me, is more of a coward and more of a passive character. Like the kids say, "Silly Rabbit, Trix for kids." What does he say against that? Nothing, he's like, "Oh darn, I lost." - Well, kinda like you describe Mr. Musenex, Mr. Mucus loses every time, every commercial. That's the Trix Rabbit as well. - Versus, I mean, Tony the tiger, he's built. This is a jock tiger versus like a rabbit that probably has a podcast. - Yeah, by the way. (both laughing) - Well, hold on, middle aged white rabbit. - Felt that. - Felt that. - Session with foods. (both laughing) - Yeah, pretty sure he's got a podcast. - Trix Rabbit, by the way, was not the first rabbit to appear on the Trix box. Disney's Bear Rabbit appeared on there in 1956. - Really? - Really? - Oh, rather recast or? - Cancelled. (both laughing) - Cereal of the South. - But I do think that Tony the tiger definitely wins it. - Oh, easily. He's great. Tony the tiger wins. - There goes. - Now we have The Burger King. - From Burger King. - And the most interesting man in the world. - From Dosekis. - This is the Battle of the Beards, I think. - Yeah? - Did you say Beards? - Beards. - With the D? - Yeah, because there's a beer. - Yes. - And let's be honest. Burger King, there is some booze involved. - Yeah, somewhere. - Somewhere. - No, it was McDonald's, never mind. There was a, I think it was a sole beer over in Portugal. That was weird. (both laughing) - Get that with a happy meal. - We talked about the Burger King being creepy and just kind of sneaking up on people at a sneak game. - He's got abilities. - He does. And a lot of the abilities come from like, the first time he was introduced. Like in the '70s, did you see that commercial? - Yep. - That's a couple. - He can levitate food and he can peel potatoes just by singing to them. So they float up in the air, he sings, and the peel comes off. - Yes, he can also walk on ceilings. He can create objects and food out of thin air. He can summon lions. - However, the most interesting man in the world is the only man to ace a Rorschach test. He once challenged his own reflection to a staring contest and he won after four days. His organ donation card also lists his beard. The last time he floated her with danger, danger got clingy. - I mean, it's all Chuck Norris jokes, right? - It is. - Yes, I do like him and I want, I know he could go really far or we could stop him right now, essentially. Because like Joel said in the last show, and it was actually a really good point. Joel, I'll just say this one time in the history of Bacon Cell, he might be a liar. - Well, okay, I'll say this. It's not that he's a liar, but all of the things that he's talking about happened in the past. - Okay. - This is not past most interesting man in the world. He may have had a lot of stories. This is him now, a little older, a little rundown. - He's telling about the legends. - Yes, it's like, I love this great stuff. And I'm like, yeah, cool, what are you doing? What have you done for me lately? Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. - So wait, how does the Burger King win? - The Burger King honestly grows larger that like the King Kong size, 'cause he can do that apparently. And he just kind of punts the most interesting man in the world through the most interesting football rights in the world. - I feel like, you know that scene in Shrek, the first Shrek when they first get to do lock and there's the giant headed Far Quad. - Yeah, yeah. - He just kind of falls over. - Yeah. - That's what I see the Burger King as. He's too top heavy, the big head's weird. - Interesting man in the world, he's got this. - So it's charisma versus creepiness. - I think if the Burger King would have met the most interesting man in the world, so he's prime, that the most interesting man in the world would have won. - If we're looking for the fine line between se-actual harassment and flirting, it's Burger King and our team. - Yeah. - And it's Doseki's guy. - Yeah, for some reason, it's okay for the most interesting man, but Burger King gets sent to HR. - Burger King man once turned a man into a human sized milkshake. - I'm gonna go Joel's argument. I think it's all past stories and I think unless he beat the Burger King 30 years ago, he probably couldn't beat him now. - So you guys take the Burger King. - It's the Burger King. - It's the Burger King, all right? The Burger King wins. - Go double-wiper with the King. - I think that's a bit of an upset. Yeah, I think so too. - It wasn't an easy decision, but. - Clearly it was. - I know there's one that was made. - I know for a fact, there's a bracket out there that had most interesting man. - By the way, thanks Drew. - All the way. - Yes, fill out your own brackets and submit it to us on social media. We love seeing what you thought was gonna happen. - Now we have Bibendum Michelin Man from Michelin Tire Company. - And Spud's Mackenzie from Bud Light. - Do you guys wonder why Michelin Man is white? - I'm not after my research. Does he have a podcast too? (laughing) - Yeah. - The trick's rabbit. - Generally not in modern-day America. - T-shirt, I do. - Is that, you know why, as a car guy, do you know why? - No, I don't. - Because tires weren't colored black, they put some carbon in there until 1912, before that they were kind of like a gray or a white. - Okay. - Yeah, so that became a thing, Batman. - This is kind of funny because dogs chase cars, dogs chase tires, right? That does kind of work out. However, I would say Spud's is weaker, Spud's did Die of Kidney Failure. (laughing) - So weak. - The real dog, the real bull terrier. - Whereas Bibendum has now lived 120 years. - I don't know, I actually don't like Bibendum as a mascot. Like I know there's legacy there. - Lord of industry, master of all he surveyed. - Patriotic exponent of the French spirit. - We'll easily take on road hazards. - I do think Bibendum could probably roll over Spud's McKenzie. - I think Spud's McKenzie has charisma on his side. - Okay, go on. - He was against an empathetic camel last time. - Yeah. - I don't think that Bibendum, Michelin Man is gonna be wowed by Spud's McKenzie. I think Michelin Man is gonna take this. - Yeah, and I think Spud's will be fighting under the influence. - Yeah. - Bibendum looks like the suit that police officers wear to train canine units. - Oh, wow. - Oh, actually in the French dubbed version of Ghostbusters, the state puff marshmallow amount is named Bibendium Chamolo. - What? - Yeah. - I love that so much. - Bibendium Chamolo, which you know was one of my, that was my nickname in college too. - Chamolo. - We gotta clarify. I think it's Bibendum, not Bibendium. - I think it's Bibendium. - It's Bibendium. - Bibendium. - Bibendium. - It's on the chart. - Bibendium, how many stars does Bibendium get? - Oh yeah. - Literally, same company. - All right. - So weird, Bibendum wins. - Michelin, a better way forward. - Now we have Buzz B from Honey Nut Cheerios. - And Smokey Bear from Wildfires? - The US Forest Service. - Listen, I'm really glad that Smokey Bear won last round 'cause I was feeling bad. I went out into the wild this past weekend. And I met a ranger who asked my kids questions about preventing wildfires and gave some bracelets. Seriously. - Smokey Bear on them? - Yeah. - Yeah. - And you know what they say? Smokey Bear always says, "Only you can." - Preventable. - And my wife and I are like, "Prevent forest forest." That's wildfires now. - Wildfire. - Was he proud? Did you guys get gold stars? We got red and blue wristbands, don't you know? That's so cute. - It's adorable. So now I'm on Team Smokey Bear. So meanwhile, we have Buzzbee, who has honey as a weapon, right? He has his honey mace. - Bears and bees. The Winnie the Poof man and me is really stoked here. - Yeah. Where's my thought? - Okay. - Buzzbee. Flies is trying and Smokey Bear is sitting there just winging this shovel around trying to hit him, waving his hat at him, trying to hit him, and Buzzbee's so fast. So fast he can get around him. And then Buzzbee flies up and stinks Smokey Bear right on the arm. And it rips up Buzzbee's stinger, and there's nothing to Smokey Bear, and Buzzbee dies, and Smokey Bear's like-- - Why was Buzzbee fighting so hard if he just didn't fight, he'd survive? Probably. - I don't know why, but he's do that. I honestly don't know how Buzzbee got this far. Well, one round in the bracket already is a bee. Who'd he fight against? - Mr. Owl. - Oh wow, that makes sense. - I think Buzzbee's head is a little bit too big for the wings. I think Buzzbee and reality probably couldn't fly. - So we're saying that he is going to try to sting Smokey Bear. - Yeah, that's all you got. - It's going to rip out the low cholesterol situation of his insides. - Yes. - And he's doubtful. - You don't know that when honeybees do sting you and they leave their stinger in you, it actually rips out their guts. - And you get lower cholesterol? - Uh, look at the guts and go, huh, not bad. - Yeah. - All right, Smokey Bear wins. - Only you can prevent wildfires. - And now it's the Energizer Bunny. - From Energizer Batteries. - And Coco the Monkey. - From Coco Crispies, boo. - This is a good matchup. - A bunny versus a monkey? - Uh-huh. - I found out this, by the way, that was interesting to me, that despite the immense popularity of the Energizer Bunny campaign, sales actually went down during the years that it ran. - What? - 'Cause people were just buying whatever batteries were there, Duracell, Energizer didn't matter. - Question. Do people actually eat Coco Crispies? Do people eat them and enjoy them? - No. - I eat Coco Crispies. - There it's here, three cereal. - But this is far and away. - This isn't about the tastier cereal 'cause the Energizer cereal's terrible. - When I lick batteries. - Oh. (laughing) - Coco the Monkey is agile. - He can swing through trees. - Yeah. - He does have friends like Shorty Giraffe, Alan Anner, Hefty Hippo, Crafty Crock and the Gorillazar, his Archanomies. But he doesn't have a bunny friend. - No, he does not. I guess I could see the Energizer Bunny going to Evertree, the Coco's Inn, and probably slowly driving him crazy 'cause if Coco's ever asleep, banging on that tree and he flies from another tree, starts banging on the other tree, goes a little bit nuts, maybe he's a little bit tired, and that's probably a little bit wired. - He goes Coco nuts. (laughing) - I think he deserves a little appreciation. - Coco the Monkey? - I don't know, whoever's tired and wired. - Yeah. And I think he'd finally drops out of the tree. I think Energizer Bunny hits the tree, Coco Muncie, Monkey drops out, and then the banging continues. - I think this comes down to endurance, and the Energizer Bunny has it in spades. - Yeah. - Mm. - You guys are both going to Energizer Bunny? - Yes. - 'Cause here's how I see it playing. - Okay, please do. - Coco the Monkey is good at swinging on vines. He takes the vines, wraps the Energizer Bunny up, so he can't bang his drums anymore, and he throws him off a cliff. And then he's like, "I got this, this is that one, I'm great." - Yeah, yeah. - He goes to sleep in this tree, and all of a sudden he hears. - Oh. (upbeat music) - Energizer comes back. Happens multiple times. Energizer definitely wins this one, 'cause there's no way you can stop the Energizer. - Well, how does he come back? You can't understand characters come back. - He just appears in commercials. You just didn't even complain about that? - Yeah, that's true. - Energizer Bunny keeps going and going and going and going. - Go with me here. Battery tiering episode, Duracell. All right, the Duracell Bunny or the Energizer Bunny wins. - Nothing outlast the Energizer. They keep going and going. - And now we have Little Caesar. - From Little Caesar's. - And Mr. Six. - From Six Flags. - The ugliest mascot we have, sorry, that's me. - Nascots. Little Caesar ain't no looker. Little chest hair curling up. - Have you seen the inside of his throat? - Pizza, pizza. - It's the scariest thing. - Are they straight? - Are they straight? - Are they straight shaded? - Yeah, straight shaded. - Yeah. - Is there something like that? - He's fine. But when you have him in like a mascot at like an event, he's quite terrifying. - Mr. Six, we're Little Caesar. - Little Caesar. - He's big. - I mean, once again, Little Caesar doesn't have much. I mean, he has leadership ability, right? - And his fear. - And his weakness is getting stabbed in the back by his friends. Mr. Six is a friend to nobody. Is very scary, but he can't really get around. - Yeah, he dances a lot, but his method of travel is a bus and a spear can take out the tires of a bus or a radio. - Oh, the obvious logic that everybody knows a spear can take out a bus. The tires? - That's how all those war wheels on the bus get very speared and also that radio is getting speared as well. So the Venga boys won't be able to play and no dancing will happen. - I completely disagree. - Okay. - Music is not on the radio, can't the music is in his heart? - Oh, that's a bad heart. - Venga boys are playing in his heart. - Oh, that's disgusting. - Okay, how about this? Right, what does he have on the spear? We are forgetting. - Pizza. - Two of them. - Two pizzas. So what he does takes the pizza off, throws it like a frisbee. Underneath the feet of the dancing Mr. Six, he slips up, stabbed in the heart, done over. - Yeah. - I disagree, but you guys both-- - Oh yeah, I either. - I hate Mr. Six so much. - I see Mr. Six, it's like a pied piper. If you notice in the commercials, people come out, they're all bored, they're all angry and he comes out, starts dancing, and they're all like, oh yes. - Do you know the real history behind the pied piper? It's basically the same story, Mr. Six. - Luring children. He's gross. - Anyway, but what I was saying is he can control people with his music. I'd see little Caesar getting kind of wooed in by this idea of, yeah, I'll go on the party bus. Sure, he gets in there and Mr. Six take it, drive it off a cliff with Mr. Six inside. - Please. - They both. - Did you know he's coming back for like their Halloween? Like he's been gone for 14 years. - I was reading about Mr. Six and I was pointing him back. When the new company bought him and they're like, no, we hate that guy and there's got rid of him. But-- - And he would find whatever little Caesar wins. - Pizza pizza. - Now we have Mr. Monopoly. - From Monopoly. - And McGruff, the crime dog. - I would watch National Crime Prevention. - This movie, think about this movie. The corruption from a very powerful leader, very manipulative guy over government and McGruff. Being a vigilante 'cause he's not really a cop, by the way. - So we have a noir dog detective. - Yeah, he's a pretective, by the way. - A dog detective? - He's a minority report pretective. - Really? - Yeah, he can sense when crimes are about to happen. Can he stop him? No, but he can tell you to feel guilty. - No, 'cause McGruff, the crime dog, no, he's not on the cop. But the thing is he is all about the public rising up and fighting against crime. - And then what, Mr. Monopoly is Mr. Burns from Simpsons. - Kinda much. - Yeah. - Which means he's very powerful. - I found out by the way, the character of Mr. Monopoly appeared on Chance Cards and Community Chess Cards in 1936 but he didn't even have a name. It wasn't until 1946 when they gave, when there's another game called Rich Uncle where they gave him a name. - Is that why he has such a bad name? - Milburn Penny Bags. - Oh no, that's a good name, kidding. - I mean, one of the advantages of Mr. Penny Bags are is the authority over police. - How does that work in Russia? - In Russia, jail. - This is Gotham. - How does that work? - He's gonna send Mr. McGruff, Mr. McGruff. McGruff the crime dog to jail. - He's gonna give him orders. - What does that do in the battlefield? - What does his money do for them? - In the throes of battle paper cuts. - Yeah, but there needs to be some advantage right? - He claims Adam. - Apparently, coins. I've seen screws coming through those things. - I do picture kind of like a gladiator thing like he probably gets like a shiv or something or has someone stab McGruff before he goes out into the battlefield. I feel like a comet is in a maximus thing. - Yeah, Silver Spoon with Penny Bags and I think McGruff has a gruff past. - Well, he does. - I think he's done some things and seen some things in his previous life that he's have to overcome and that's why. - Okay, okay. - I could go both ways because I do think McGruff can bite the cane because his bite can break bones, apparently. - Bite more than a cane. - However, what is one of the pieces on a monopoly board that is owned by Mr. Monopoly? - A shoe? - Boat. - A dog. - Oh, there is a-- - It's a terrier. - It's a little Scottish terrier. - It's a dog, regardless. - He's good, he's good. - No, dogs are the same kid. - What if he bronzed McGruff and he became a player in the most dangerous game. - He's got a bunch of bronze McGruff. - If we're using monopoly pieces, he also has a car, Joel. - Yeah, but at the same time, McGruff, he notices suspicious cars. They do not escape his vision. Are we really gonna dwell on this? McGruff is gonna bite the head up, Mr. Monopoly. - Do I want McGruff to win? Yes, they do, but I kinda wanna make a case for Mr. Monopoly. - Mr. Monopoly and his non-monical face are gone. - He's a dog from inner city Chicago, he wins. - Agreed. - McGruff wins. - And help take a bite out of crime. - And now we have Captain Crunch. - Is this our final match-up with this first round? - It is. - And Sponge Monkey. - Who let the Sponge Monkey's go for? - It was against the Billsbury Doughboy. - They're rough, Kent. - They're rough. - No, they really are rough. Yeah, we're talking about dangerous, unpredictable creatures. The Sponge Monkey's have it in much way. - The Sponge Monkey's have teeth big enough to take on Captain Crunch. - I don't know. - Actually, so we have a pirate versus a fake captain. - They both were Captain Habs. - Yeah. - And they're two of them, they fly. - These are real Captain Habs. - They fly now? - They fly now. - He's not a real Captain. He only has three stripes, he's a commander at best. - He makes that. - At best. - He's been in and he's been in somewhere. - Because the Navy called him out and said, "We have no affiliation with Captain Crunch." - Over the years, he's wore one bar, which signifies he was an ensign, two bars, which signifies he's an independent, or three bars, which means he was a commander, but they did end up giving him four bars. - What's next, Captain America's not really a captain. - What about Captain Eo? - What about Captain Eo? - What about Captain Eo? Captain Solo? - And the Wookie? - Save it for our Captain's episode. - How good of a fighter-- - You should do that, I got a Captain Bracket. - Actually, yeah, I think we're fine. - How good of a fighter is Captain Crunch. So he's 5'5", by the way. He does have a sword, his disposal, but he's also very old. Right, I'm not saying the Sponge Monkeys are good fighters, but I wanna know how good of a fighter you guys think he is. - I think, guess what, he's a captain, he delegates. - I think he's good, he's probably decent with the sword, not because he's had to use it in battle, but because he's had a lot of time to be bored, and you never had a sword in your hand? - You have some swishy and flicking moves. - No, when you're bored, though, he just gets lazy. - No, I think that he's a bygone era sort of guy. - So what are you saying, Zach? - I think that I would take the captain here. - Captain's gonna win this? - I think so. - I just wanna see a show where they're on his crew, and they're always in his giant oversized hat, 'cause really they could pull the hat down over his face. - We love the milk! (laughing) - You see, they're gonna pull up. - I'm the captain now, I'm the captain now. (laughing) - Is it gonna be Captain Phil's versus Captain Marvel? - Captain Crunch. - That pose is a pepper bar. (laughing) - Oh, hat over his face, pepper in the eyes. - Are you saying Sponge monkeys? - Guitar in the ear, 'cause it's a little guitar. You know, no, I'm making the dumb argument for dumb characters, making cells. (laughing) - That's all we commit to. - I'll give it to Captain Crunch, it is more realistic. - Okay, 'cause I could make the argument. You guys both gave it to Captain Crunch. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I was gonna make the argument that Captain Crunch is like the most interesting man in the world. I think most of his fighting days were in the past, but I-- - I can go back. - Do you want me to go back? - I know, they might be in the past, but at least he's had them. - Yes, and I think he does have experience. I think the Sponge monkeys-- - They're so scary. - They are, they're scary, but on the captain, he's seen things. Captain Crunch has seen things. - Yeah, that's true. - They're not gonna intimidate him. - I mean, we gotta figure out when he was, like, you know, active duty. - Yeah, that might change things. - Yeah, but there you go. - Captain Crunch wins. Welcome to the next round. Wow, okay, now we have Kool-Aid Man versus Old Spice Guy. - Two powerful figures. - You must figure out how can the Kool-Aid Man be defeated? 'Cause he makes a strong case if we don't even know how he's gonna die. - Okay. - Can Old Spice Guy punch him? - No, no. - And break him? No. - He can try to trick him. That's what he does, right? 'Cause he stands there and scenes appear around him, but guess what? - I love what everyone's interested here. - Walls appear around him, showers appear around him, but guess who breaks through walls? Without getting hurt? - Oh yeah. - In fact, his striking strength is wall class plus and his durability is wall level plus. - Good heavens. - Okay, go with me here. Okay, let's hear it. Kool-Aid Man, he's going along and he notices this contraption that is all put together to film a commercial for the Old Spice Guy. Okay, he walks up, he crashes through one wall and the entire rig is ruined. And Old Spice Guy just sits there waiting for his next thing to appear and it never does and he's caught in an eternal loop of just waiting. - Wow. - That's dark. - Yeah. - Directed by David Lynch apparently. - Exactly. - Jeez. - I'm just looking up some facts here. Did you guys know that Kool-Aid Man actually was in the comic series produced by Marvel? - Yeah. - Is that right here? - He fought villains known as Thursdays and what are women for Old Spice Guy? (laughing) - Take it easy. - He also fought a man engulfed in fire called Scorch. And I just had this Old Spice Guy, it was pretty scorching. - You know, I actually, when I was a kid, we were goofing around in my brothers and like fighting, you know, how brothers do, just play fighting, whatever, rough housing. And at one point, when my brothers took a bottle of Old Spice and poured it behind the couch, thinking it was going to be on the top of my head, it was in my eyes. - Oh no. - And it burned so bad. - It smelled so bad, dude. - So bad, I smelled great for a long time. - Yeah. - And I just wanted to share that story because I'd rather see Old Spice go away 'cause it has painful memories. - What was the villain that he defeated? - Thursdays. - The Thursdays and who, the fire or something or? - Scorch. - Scorch. - Okay. Isaiah Mustafa played for the Arizona State Sun Devils. He was a wide receiver. - So Scorch? - He's Scorch. - That's a stretch, Zach, especially as we already made the argument to the new one. - I love this. - I love this. - I'll take it. - Yeah, Kool-Aid man for the win. - Kool-Aid man wins. - Oh yeah. - Now we have, I'm sure the, how do Sugar Bear meet Ronald McDonald? - With a punch. - A vitamin-packed punch. - He's a five foot bear. - Okay, you wanna fight a five foot bear that can punch you in the face? - He's a skinny bear. - Sugar Bear versus the Jolly Green Giant. (laughing) - Oh boy. Listen, if the Coca-Cola Bears can't beat the Jolly Green Giant. - Joshua fit the Battle of Jericho. (laughing) - Jericho. - Are you gonna make a case? - Make the case, Joel. - That he, the Jolly Green Giant. - He's gonna use the power of the vitamin-packed punch in the giant Achilles tendon, felling him to the ground. - All right, so you, okay, hold on. In this story is Sugar Bear David. - In the Jolly Green Giant. - Yes. - This is Goliath. - You gotta take one of those golden crisps. What is this slang? - He's a biblical bear. - How? (laughing) - Which Bible story can he adapt and why? (laughing) Throwing a sugar crisp at his head. - But who adapts, who adapts Bible stories better than vegetables? Jolly Green Giant. (laughing) And the she bear. Well, he's a he bear. Joel, are you gonna go with the upset? Because if you get rid of Jolly Green Giant at this point, I mean, I love you for it. - I'm voting for Sugar Bear. - I think Jolly Green is a passive. I just told you golden crisp in the sling (laughing) to the fourth of the Jolly Green Giant of a 55 foot tall giant. - Yep. - No, Sugar Bear has become this bracket's hopper. - No, don't you say that or I will kill him up right now. - It doesn't make any sense. - Zack, are you going Jolly Green Giant on the gun? - I just don't see how Sugar Bear can do it. I don't see, you are overvaluing the weight of a golden crisp of vitamin pack brunch. - Oh my gosh, the punch. (laughing) - And Joshua with the Battle Jericho. (laughing) - I kind of just want to put him forward so we can hear about more Bible stories. (laughing) - Oh, 'cause if he goes up against Mr. Clean, for example. - Oh, it's okay guys. I know it's a little big battle. - No, it's Jolly Green Giant. - It's gotta be the Jolly Green Giant. - I'm okay with that. Eat your veggies, undo that sugar. - That's a fun next matchup. All right, Jolly Green Giant wins. (upbeat music) Now we have Mr. Clean versus Twinkie the Kid. (laughing) (sighing) Okay, okay, okay, let's hear it. - No, this is an easy one, guys. - Magic erasers and Twinkies are made of the same thing. - Yeah. (laughing) - Allegedly. - Are magic erasers just in all food? - Yes. - Yes. (laughing) - Magic erasers with Greece? Wendy's magic erasers with cream filling? - Twinkies. - So weird. - Allegedly. (laughing) - Also really weird, not allegedly weird. - Okay, so this is pretty obvious that Mr. Clean is made to clean up messes and what is a Twinkie except for one big mess waiting to happen? - How is that a mess? You just eat it whole and you just enjoy it. - What's in your fingies after a camp? - Oh, gosh. - What is happening? (laughing) - Yeah! - You know Joel, nothing. - Don't do it. - I've been working on this for years. - I don't want to say fingers. The only thing that is making a mess is the wrapper face. - Is the wrapper face down that has the three little pockets of cream-- - Creams, yeah. - Oh come on, it's-- - Three dollops. - You pinch it and then a little part of it comes off. It's stuck on your finger. - But we know we know that Mr. Clean has the ability to teleport from one place to the other. He just appears in places, right? Anything that Twinkie the kid does to lasso him isn't gonna stop him. - Is he a genie? I feel like he's-- - If Twinkie the kid carried, he might have a chance. But he doesn't. - I have a feeling like there are some chemicals that can melt a Twinkie. I don't think you can really crush a Twinkie. - That's what the Twinkie's made of. - Can you get chemicals? Does it make him stronger? Does it make him stronger? (laughing) - Is it bigger? - Does he-- - Cockdown pants? - Oh, I have it. Okay, Mr. Clean, he's like, I gotta help this woman clean because I showed up in her kitchen and she thinks it's weird that I'm here and he starts cleaning and it's the Twinkie. And the Twinkie gets chemicals in it and it expands. And then it jumps. - I mean, he's using a Twinkie to clean and it expands. - That sounds like an effective method. - Well, clearly it's making, and he's getting really frustrated 'cause things are getting really messy. And there's no more shiny spots for Mr. Clean to have power anymore. - Is that how you defeat him? - A dirty counter? - Yeah, you break all the mirrors and a dirty counter. - What you're saying Mr. Clean uses the Twinkie and then it makes things dirtier and that defeats him? - Yeah, what happened to the Twinkie chemical? - Because he only shows up in clean objects, in shiny objects. I'm coming up with the dumb argument. Go with me here. - So you're saying he only appears in a shiny surface. - Yeah. - But the itself. - All I have to do is appear once. - I mean, 'cause I was saying that the Twinkie's gonna lose because of the chemicals but it's also made out of chemicals. - It might be immune to them. - You get water on a Twinkie and the thing will melt. - Oh yeah, Mr. Clean uses lots of water. - What do you think that the chemicals are made of? It's like 60% water. - All right, Mr. Clean wins. - Yeah. - Fine. ♪ Mr. Clean gets rid of dirt and dry and greasing ♪ ♪ Just a man ♪ - Now we have, oh, this is a good one. Bronny man versus Lucky the Leprechaun. All right, so the Bronny man, he's seen as a lumberjack but he's often portrayed in a lot of occupations such as construction worker, a firefighter and a mechanic. So basically a guy, right? - He's one of the Paw Patrol. (laughing) Can you talk about conjuring? One of the things I noticed is that he, one of the ones I watched, he said, "I'll make myself a snowmobile." And right away, he just conjures a snowmobile in the middle of nowhere and rides it. He has that ability. The Bronny man, I mean, he's a big dude. He's a big dude. But I think Lucky the Leprechaun has magic on his side. And he can-- - You know, magic is great. I agree, but guess what? Leprechauns, according to PBS, actually according to Irish folk tradition, if you wear green, it makes you invisible to Leprechauns. - A lot of green plaid in the world. - A lot of green plaid and so-- - Oh, please, Bronny man does not wear green. - Look him up. - Actually, yeah. - Right red. - I literally am right now. Multiple variations, he's worn green. - I think that the Bronny-- - Red, red, red, red. - Look at the modern versions, keep going. - Modern versions. - I think the Bronny man's only real weakness is the high-powered advertising executive who comes back home to her hometown to discover the true meaning of Christmas. (laughing) - I think that the Lucky the Leprechaun will make Bronny man's acts disappear like it didn't marketing years ago. And then Bronny man, what does he have? He's got size, sure. - Also, guess what? - Shrinks him down to his own size. - Bronny man, surrounded by trees, also green. He's surrounded by green at all times. - That's just what he is. - Trees are not invisible to Leprechauns, Kent. - It's green. Leprechauns can't see it. - Please, they live in trees. - Also, what's he gonna do? Throw milk on him, splash milk on him. Even if he gets him to his same size, right? - He's gonna conjure a dagger and make the Bronny man go away. - He's 11 years old, and we have basically Paul Bunyan. - Without a blue oxen, without an axe, 'cause Lucky already made it disappear. - He has an axe. - No, he made it disappear. - Oh, come on. - He made it disappear. You just said yourself, he can conjure a thing. - Listen, if, if, from McDonald, makes things disappear and they come back, the axe is coming back. 'Cause for Lucky gets his way. - He kills his way. - He's crushed because he can't see him. - The Bronny man lives in the woods, which means he's probably very superstitious. He sees the Leprechauns, he's gonna freak out. - No, he dares to be in the woods. - He knows what's out there. People in the woods are quite superstitious. - If he's living among the trees, here's the tree people. - Just 'cause he wants to live off the grid. - You guys know. - No, you've been camping out the woods. - Any weird noise, you freak out. - Mr. Clean got to use water in his argument. Lucky Leprechauns magic doesn't work underwater. So it's paper towels, wet paper towels. He just wiped her mind up. - What? - Underwater, and he can't use his magic. - See, he's doing one of those can't arguments where it's like, all of a sudden, the world is filled with water. - Well, then, Mr. Clean had. - Noah's flood. - No, the Bible story. - The Bible story. - He put it under Twinkie. - Listen. - I don't think we're fighting in a forest. We're fighting on, it's not a home game for Mr. Bronni. - Well, I think they both, they both function in wooded areas. But at the same time, Lucky Leprechauns small fasting. Get around those trees, whereas Bronni man's like, "Oh, but how can he defeat him?" Just 'cause he can. - I told you, he conjures away the eggs. - He's like, and then he shrinks Bronni man down to his size, and then he flaps him upside the head with a spoon. - But if they're the same size, Bronni man's trying to catch. - I can't see how he could reasonably defeat Bronni man. - He's got magic on his side. - Also, this is, Bronni man can also carry giant boulders so he can just throw boulders up in the air if there are rocks around and let it rain boulders. And then one of them's gonna hit Lucky. - No, no, a Leprechaun? - A fast, agile Leprechaun? - You can conjure a snowmobile at a nothing. - Fast and agile. What's his favorite food? - Lucky charms. - Oh, he's not that bad. - Which gives him luck on his side. - He is not fast enough. - He's gonna take those blue diamonds and the red balloons, which I never understood why red balloons were in there. - Empty carbs and sugar. - Rabbits feet. - Empty carbs and sugar. He has no nutrients in his body. - They're after his Lucky gems and say he eats them. - Also, you know it's weird, also part of PBS in Irish folk tradition. If you toss a clover into the mouth of a Leprechaun, it can stop them. - Well, Bronni man does not have dexterity to pick up a single clover. - He eats clovers, that's a marshmallow. He poisons himself. - Lucky gets his nutrients from children. (laughing) - Zack, you gotta decide. - Oh, I was all about Bronni until then. - Yeah, I still. - That's argument is he were. It's great. That makes him visible. - He's the Bronni man. - That's kind of weak. - But if you're wearing a crazy shirt as Bronni man, you're a club single Leprechaun child. - Red. - Listen, I think that in the realm of Leprechauns, Lucky's kind of, he's a weak one. Bronni man is so strong. It's literally in his name. Bronni man wins. (laughing) (laughing) - Bronni. (laughing) - It's my Bronni. (drum roll) - Now we have Tony the tiger versus the Burger King. - Why'd you say like that? - The Burger King. - The Burger King. - Okay, so an athletic tiger versus a magical creep. - Yeah, a wild cat. - No, a strong wild cat. - No, no, no, not just strong superhuman strength. He has speed, claws, charisma, and he's an Olympic level athlete. Not for breaking, but for actual real Olympic sports. They're great swimmers. Once Tony the tiger has kicked a ball to the moon and it ricocheted back in three seconds back to earth, that's 201 megatons of force in one kick, which is ridiculous. - It's like Joe liver research there. - Yeah. (laughing) I don't know if I'm like saying that to help my argument. I just don't like the Burger King 'cause he is a creeper. - Also, my practice. - I have an affection for Tony the tiger because his voice is done by Thurl Raven's crown. It was done before. Who's the voice of the Grinch? And how the screen showed Christmas? The old animated one. - Do you wish that it's on the Haunted Mansion? - Yeah. - Do you wish the Burger King had a voice? Would that make him better a creepier? - No, 'cause the silent is creepy, but I'm seeing these two fighting and I just feel like, I mean, that's the problem is once again, when you put magic in the equation, it gets weird. Like the Burger King I know, for example, he can separate himself from his shadow, so it could be two on one against Tony the tiger, which is a difficult battle. He can also, the Burger King can summon portals and transport to other locations. - I think Pride is his downfall though, is the King he feels like he can't be touched. - But he's always just trying to share. You know what I mean? - Yeah. - Like every appearance, he's not trying to harm, he's just trying to share. - And I will say, in the commercials, it's not like he runs a lot, he just shows up, like there's one time where he shows up on scaffolding on top of a building and it's this creepiest look he's ever given. - He does run, he's in a series of NFL commercials where he ends up on the field, catching touchdowns. - Who's the best player in the NFL? Tony the tiger. - I do think that if it's comes to speed, like let's say-- - Obviously everybody knows. - Let's say the Burger King creeps up onto one the tiger, a punch to the face is gonna take that plastic mask right off. - Oh, so now you're okay with punches when it was sugar bear before you're like, punches to an offense. - This feels more even, it really does. - So what are you saying? - Oh, I'm saying Tony the tiger. I love him, I love him, I always have, I always will. A jacked wildcat versus a creepy king. Kind of like a drunk, creepy, sometimes magical king. I've just never seen the Burger King use his powers to harm others. Like he's always just kind of like, he's almost like timid, like, oh, oh, I didn't mean to scare you. And then he'll hand them Burger King. - He does seem more like a trickster. - Yeah. - than a grasser. - Yeah, whereas Tony the tiger, he's got claws. I'm saying Tony the tiger as well. - I like it, Tony the tiger wins. - They're gonna make-- - And now we have Babendom versus Smokey Bear. - Ooh, this is a good one. - This is a good one. - B-B-B-D-Endom, what are we calling him? - B-B-B-A. - B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B. - So what are the French known for in war time surrender? - Come. - Wow. (laughs) - That's it. - So we're going with? - Yeah. - Michelin tires surrender? - Yeah. - I mean, that can give you more facts if you'd like. You ready? - Okay. Michelin man is 120 years old. He did have a tough youth. Like he used to be a fighter. They showed him as a gladiator in old advertisements, but kind of like the most interesting man. That was a very long time ago. He's expanded now. You know what, weekends, a tire wall, oxidation. - Oh yeah, drywall. - Yeah, causes tire to become brittle and strength. I mean, honestly, he's under 20 years old. Oxidation has happened also. - He was a gladiator, a kickboxer, a nimble ballroom dancer in the Italian market and even a pleasure-seeking ladies man. - Oh, that's weird. - And I do think that Smokey Bear has mastery over fire because, you know, he knows how to fight fires and firefighters often use like controlled fires. - He knows how to present them, not fight them. Tires rate age very rapidly in heat. I mean, really, if you take a shovel to the sidewall of a tire, it's gone. Like, right it, you know, he's got to attack him a certain way. And if he attacks him from the top or the bottom, he's popped. - But he's a very durable, durable person. - Yeah, but if a tire is old and popped. - So, that thing's gonna be like- - You have never been a tire in your life. (all laughing) - They're quite heavy. But have you seen him? He's not like a tire tire. - So, the Michelin man and Smokey the Bear are fighting. And they're dueling it out. And Smokey Bear is hitting him with his shovel and the bendum is taking the hits and bouncing off him. Smokey Bear pulls out his claws, starts clawing into him, but he's a very durable person. But he does. He gets a poke in the side of a bendum, starts to go down. Like, kind of starts falling to the ground, starts deflating a little bit. And then, ooh, go on. - The bendum's canine companion. - Okay. - Bubbles, he lost it. - Whoa. - It's him from as little the tire dog. - You know, I can't say I do. He comes up and rips the throat out of Smokey Bear. - Okay. A dog versus a bear. That's like an happen. - 'Cause he's not expecting, he's focused on the bendum. - Can I double down? Can I double down? - Sure. - You know who's a great master of disguise? Smokey Bear. There's a commercial where he's wearing a woman's face. And she gives us- - That's creepy. - Have you seen it? You've seen it. And it's a woman monologuing for a minute. And it's Smokey Bear. And it's the weirdest thing. And because Bubendum thinks he's a ladies man from the past, he'll be like, "Hey, what's going on?" It really just takes one poke of a finger, right? One stab to the tires. And he's gone. He's gonna be tricked. He's gonna be overpowered. And he's old. - Bases and have bubbles. Smokey Bear doesn't have bubbles. Does he have any sidekicks? Does anyone care about Smokey Bear? - Listen, you're waving and sidekicks in so much. They're gonna be cheering from the sides and crying. - Zach, you gotta call it. - I don't know. - Okay, if you're really struggling, Smokey Bear is galactic size when he wants to be. He's the size of a literal mountain. All it takes is literally he could poke a finger through the skull of Bubendum and pop him. That is a tire wall. - He doesn't have a skull. - Closing argument for Bubendum. - He is more durable than Kent's giving him credit for. - He's old tires. - He's not old tires. - He's 120 years old. - You don't think he gets those rotators and changed? It's his whole body. - This is the most judgmental matchup. - Oh, go on. - Guilting you about wildfires versus what your restaurant is like. - Tire fires. - Tire fire. - Only you can prevent tire fire. - Smokey Bear is about prevention, not fighting. - Aren't they all fighting to the death? - No, literally Sugar Bear, who's the coolest chills bear, beat Ronald McDonald in a death match. - Punches. - Smokey Bear is there to fight. - But who has a more killer instinct? - Smokey Bear. - A bear? - A bear? - A bench tire. - A bench tire. - That argument would sideways. - By the way, yeah. French people don't fight. That argument would sideways very quickly. - And all they do is eat pastries. - What? - Mm-hmm. - Same for our friendship that we're gonna do. - Oh, actually. - I'm taking the French tires. - Of that silly. - Bubendum. - Bubendum. - Woo! - Over Smokey Bear. - Yes. - The mountain-sized bear. - I'm just low-key bear. - Nope. Worst decision of the night. - Tires are quite heavy. - Bubendum wins. - Michelin, a better way forward. - Now we have Energizer Bunny versus Little Caesar. - Two spears versus two drum sticks. - Spear stabs drum. Yeah, you could break through the drum. And that would annoy the Energizer Bunny. Then the bunny goes to hit the drum and just goes through it. Gets caught in its own drum, stabbed in the back. Caesar knows a thing or two about that. - Mm-hmm. - Is there a weakness with the Energizer Bunny's eyes? 'Cause he wears glasses all the time, he's really sensitive to sunlight. - Or is he just cool? - Can he not see it all? - I got it. - Great try. - I got the argument. - So batteries, what corrodes them? - Time? - Yeah. - Leaving them in? - Yeah. - Grease, water? - Yeah. So he's getting more acidic every day. - Every day? - Every day he's getting more acidic. And this battle's been going on for a while. And then all Little Caesar has to do is put a little bit of tomato sauce from the two pizzas on the batteries. - There's some acidity there, both ways. - Yup, corrosion, corrosion. - So it's a long battle. It's a very long battle. - It's the little longer battle. - It's just keeps going. - Yeah. - Does Little Caesar last alongside? - Like Little Caesar's made it pretty far. He's not a good fighter. - No, he's not a good warrior. He's a leader, not a warrior. Whereas I think Energizer Bunny is maybe more a warrior, but the battery thing is a good argument. I think-- - Is that just made it up? - No, the battery thing, because it's so exposed, it's surprising we haven't gone against that yet. - Crys against that battery with a spear. - I mean, really. - Is the drum stuck to the Energizer Bunny? - I believe so. - Is he committed to it? 'Cause it really limits mobility. - He does it. I mean, he's basically in wheels though. You've never had a bass drum on you, have you? - They could do a chair. - Your race tire. - They're quite heavy. - Never held a bass drum. Never held a woman. - What else? - If it was a chair, your race for his Energizer Bunny versus Little Caesar on a chair yet, that'd be pretty fun to watch. - That would be fantastic. - I made my argument. I'm gonna say Little Caesar's gonna get the Energizer Bunny and skewered on the spear and then flip him over once or twice and catch him again in the spear. - If he's stuck to the drum, he has no mobility. - But it's also armor at the same time. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Okay. - All right, with that. - Yeah, let's just give it to one of the few characters actually wielding a weapon. Little Caesar wins. - Pizza, pizza. - Now we have McGruff the Crime Dog versus Captain Crunch. - Do you guys remember McGruff houses? Where they were like, people would get the background check and they'd get a McGruff sticker to put in their window. And then if you were scared or like, were you were gonna get kidnapped, you could just go to one of these houses and knock on the door and say, "I need help." You remember that? - No. - You remember that? - No. - You don't know what a McGruff house is? - No. - Well, that's weird. - But he does remember the song. - Chicago, Illinois, 6065, two. - McGruff the Crime Dog versus Captain Crunch. I think Captain Crunch was a good fighter. Like I said, he's passed his prime. He has his sword, but I think McGruff the Crime Dog has just size and strength on his side. Captain Crunch is a little man. And he stands out. That costume stands out. - And if he was hiding, that hat is going to appear over everything. - And if we're going at the argument here, like you did with Lucky Charms, that if he's eating his own product, his health is not gonna be great. - His mouth is gonna be very sore. - What is McGruff eat? Crime. - He takes a bite out of that crime. - He just takes a bite, he doesn't eat it. - That's his sustenance. That's what fuels him. - No, it's just a nibble here and there. - McGruff the Crime Dog takes this. - McGruff the Crime Dog takes this. - Easily. - Yeah, McGruff the Crime Dog wins. - And help take a bite out of crime. - This is the Elite Eight, the Great Eight. - Wow. - Kool Aid Man versus Jolly Green Giant. - Could be a final right here. - Honestly, I love them both. - It could be, that's a good one. - By the way, they do have a 55 foot statue of the Jolly Green Giant in Minnesota, in Blue Earth, Minnesota. Fun fact. Meanwhile, the Kool Aid Man, well, I'll say this. In 1994, the live action character was retired. So this Kool Aid Man that's fighting right now, he's a retired Kool Aid. - Most of these characters are Joel. Do you know what kind of era we're talking about? - But I also think that if we're going to-- - Oh, you think the Jolly Green Giant is a relevant character? - Yes. (laughing) - No, no, no. - Is he irrelevant or irrelevant? - Both. - But I think that the Jolly Green Giant is going to take one stomp on the Kool Aid Man and that crystal is shattered. - And then he steps on it, stabs himself. - Something bad at this crystal. - Here's what's gonna happen. I don't know if you guys saw the commercial, but you probably didn't. There's a commercial where he literally makes, Kool Aid Man makes a girl disappear and her hat falls to the ground. A boy goes to grab the hat and it has the face of the Kool Aid Man and it becomes a port key that takes the boy to another dimension. The Kool Aid Man can create inanimate objects and make them living. Honestly, anything, even billboards. - Who can? - The Kool Aid Man can. (laughing) Thank you for that lead in. - You're welcome. - And I think really, the Kool Aid Man can become a port key for the Jolly Green Giant into a giant microwave because microwaves are not good for plants and he will get real soggy. - Yeah, literally microwave all these vegetables. - Not the Jolly Green Giant. - Yeah, and what did they become? - Soggy. - Mm-hmm. - With no nutrients left. - No. - Yeah. - Also-- - There's not anything-- - Also, near a nutrient with the Kool Aid. - If we're talking powers, like Kool Aid Man can destroy harvest, he can create his own snow. Jolly Green Giant is toast and his clothes are wilted. That's embarrassing. I think it's Kool Aid Man for the win. - No, I say Jolly Green Giant. - And in smashing-- - No. - Smashing the crystal. Like it was in speed. - Super human speed. - All he needs to do is run and-- - Kool Aid Man's gonna be like, "Oh yeah, running straight forward into the Jolly Green Giant "and smash himself on Jolly Green Giant shins." - What's the Jolly Green Giant made of? - If the Kool Aid Man can smash the walls, he can certainly smash through celery. - Yeah. - It's whatever the Hulk's made out of. - No. - Oh my gosh. They're both green. - It's plants. They're both green. - It's plants. - What do you mean it's plants? - It's plants. - Kool Aid Man can smash through-- - He's wearing plants. - And wood. - Yeah, trees are wood, and Jolly Green Giant is not a tree. - Exactly. Kool Aid Man. - Yeah. - Kool Aid Man wins. - Yeah. - Why am I so happy about this? - It's stupid. - 'Cause it's right. - It feels good. - Oh yeah. - Now we have Mr. Clean versus the Brony Man. Clean up matchup. - Did you know that in other countries, Mr. Clean is known as Don Limpio, Mr. Proper, Maestro Limbo, Maestro Lindo, and Maista Prappa. - This is a very even matchup. - It really is. - Is that both clean? - But one kind of has magic on his side, and the other has the power of Christmas. - 'Cause he wears either red or green. - But wait, he is from a hallmark. - Are we saying Mr. Clean is a genie? 'Cause they say that he's not. - They say, they said in one-- - You say magic, I say he can appear, and then he cleans stuff, right? He can use chemicals, and that's not what Brony Man has. - How does he appear? - How does he appear? - Magically. - Yeah, but he doesn't do anything like attack with magic. He shows up with magic. - That's all he needs. - You don't clean some chemicals, paper towels. Right, you can spray stuff down. - Mr. Clean is made of chemicals. - No, but if he uses chemicals at his disposal-- - Right. - Because he's Mr. Clean. - Right. - He can spray it. Brony Man can soak up. He's the best soaker upper. - So, Mr. Clean appears. Mr-- - The quilted quicker breaker upper. - That's bounty. - Mr. Clean appears. Mr. Brony takes his action, which apparently he got back from Lucky to Leprechaun disappearing it. - Yeah. - He thinks that Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean disappears. He pops up into the place. The Brony Man swings another accident. He disappears from there. Then Mr. Clean appears on Brony Man's shoulder. Brony Man, being the large dumb-o he is, takes a swing at Mr. Clean on his shoulders. Mr. Clean disappears. Brony Man's own axe goes into his own neck any dies. - One has a weapon. - One has a weapon. One's got muscles. - They both have muscles. - Mr. Clean. - But Brony Man doesn't need to show us the muscles, to show us that he has muscles. - Mr. Clean would clean Brony Man's. - Now there's a weapon, and Brony Man can destroy all reflective surfaces, like we've talked about, all mirrors. - So he can't see himself? - Also, he can handle the dirt. Mr. Clean goes crazy when there's dirt. - It's in the woods, can't water. You can get rid of lakes so you can't see yourself. - Shiny surface. Boom, Mr. Clean. - Oh, so there's water now, okay. - A river, a puddle. - Yeah, I'm just saying once not afraid of dirt, one doesn't go crazy when there's dirt around. Also, if there's a puddle around, Brony Man, who's also a giant, by the way, can just soak it up with this paper towel. - We've destroyed giants before, Kent. - Yes, we have, but they were planned. - Because they're made up of plants. - Listen, no one's microwaving Brony Man here. - You want to wait for me. What do you think Brony Man eats? Plants. - I just think with the weapon, it's pretty easy. 'Cause there's chemicals, I will say Mr. Clean has a good battle here, but I think with an axe head, he's going right through the earring. - Mr. Clean teleports away, goes on his shoulder, and then Mr. Brony Man hits him in the face. - Also, Mr. Clean sprays some chemicals, and Mr. Brony's eyes, he freaks out. - No, easy. It's really a different time. - Bro, wiping it up. - Yeah. - But it's in his eyes. - Think about the nature of the use paper towel. - That's his job. - Think about how you use the products. You use, you spray some Mr. Clean, you gotta wipe it up with Brony. - Mm-mm. - Brony wins. - Oh yes. - Oh yes. - Prime Brony. (dramatic music) - Now we have Tony the tiger versus Bibendum. - How do you want to argue? You guys, Smokey Bear didn't be Bibendium. - I keep a Bibendium. - Smokey Bear versus Tony the tiger would've been a great match-up. - Yeah, actually really sad. - Great match-up. - Match-up. - Okay, a really athletic tiger and a past his prime white tiger guy. - Tigers eat dry-rotted tires. - Wait, is this real? - Do you say tires or tigers? - Tigers. - Tigers versus tires? - Tigers versus tires. - Wait, is this real? - What? - Tigers eat tires? - No. - I mean, I would imagine they could. - Yeah? - There's not a lot of tires where they live. - Well, they have really sharp jaws. - Yeah, I mean. - Right, and claws. - I'm pulling a Kense argument back here. - Okay. - Kense argument with the soccer ball. What do you do to it? - Kicked it to the moon and back. - What do you think you can do with this bouncy tire guy? (clapping) - Tony the tiger. - Tony the tiger wins. - Thank you. - Was that a little argument? - Yeah, that was good. - I just hate Bibendium so much. - Yeah, that was probably a bad call, but it was funny. All right, Tony the tiger goes on. - There, go. - Now we have a little Caesar versus McRuff, the crime dog. - I don't know how little Caesar's made this far. - I know, it's weird. - He's got a spear. - Wait, could he go? Okay, but how could he win? Let's first make a case. Before we get rid of him, let's make a case that little Caesar could win this battle. - No, because you know what, did Caesar see battle? What does little Caesar have in his feet? - He commended battles. - Hmm? - What does little Caesar have in his feet? - Sandals. - Sandals. - McRuff kind is going to pursue him. He's going to slip in his sandals. And McRuff the crime dog is going to take a fight. - Wait, why are there-- - He's not clumsy all the sudden. - He's not flip-flops. - And you run in sandals? - To strap to his partches are going to fall. - He's got to lose for a reason, though, right? - It's not going to make it. I don't think he's made it this far. - Well, I think I may have argued for him to go this far. - He represents a Roman dictator, but he has pizza. - I just have to give it to McRuff the crime dog. - Just because we like him more. Just because I feel like he's more tough than little Caesar. - He is six foot and 155 pounds. - The dog? - The dog, he can run 45 miles per hour. - He's a six foot inner city dog? - Yeah. - Okay, McRuff wins. - Yeah, he wins. - And help take a bite out of crime. - Okay, final four. Our last four in here, as always, I will read all of them. We have the Kool-Aid Man, Brony Man, Tony the Tiger and McRuff the crime dog. - You know? - I love the spread. - You know? - This is actually-- - The Kool-Aid man making this far. I love it. - It's great. - I tried not to. It could have been the Jolly Green Giant in there. - Yeah. - We could have Jolly Green Giant versus Brony Man. - No. - Actually, it would have been pretty cool. - All right, Kool-Aid Man versus Brony Man. You guys already know my thoughts on this. Brony Man's gonna smash Kool-Aid Man. I tried with Jolly Green Giant, I'm doing the same argument. - Okay, okay. - Size versus fragility. - The axe cutting into the crystal. That is viable. - It is very viable. - That's extremely cool. - You don't need an axe, you give a slight bump off the counter, Kool-Aid Man would shatter. - Oh, that thing is strong. You, have you ever held crystal? (laughs) It's quite strong. No one have held a tire. (laughs) - I think it's Brony Man. I think even though the Kool-Aid Man has evolved from a simple juice pitcher with a smiley face and a voice that said almost nothing to a seven foot tall giant pitcher of whatever he wants it to be if Brony Man was as big as he can be. And maybe he's not at all times, right? But he can pick up that pitcher. - But what if Brony Man stuffed a bunch of paper towels inside the Kool-Aid, man? What would that do to him? What would that do to him? - You know what, that's not his essence. - Do you know what it would do? He'd leave a little bit because he would like his finger. - Phew, on the top of Kool-Aid Man. - It was through crystal. - But I don't know the Kool-Aid Man is magic, right? I've been fighting for his magical powers this entire time. - Hold on. - He can't survive in space even though his juice should disappear. How big, how big is Brony Man? Based on two commercials. - See normal guy. - One, he's a giant walking through the city. One, he's sitting outside a house and he's huge. But it's been two commercials. - Is he quite large? - In his history, he's just a handsome guy in the kitchen. - And Kool-Aid Man has a handle. If he's large, picks him up by the handle and smashes him. This is easy. - Okay. - If he's regular size, it's a little difficult, but he's always gonna man handle. Kool-Aid Man thinks so. - Kool-Aid Man handle via the handle. - Yes. - I think Brony Man picks him up and smashes him. All right, Brony Man wins. - Try Brony. - Not to show my cards here, but I believe this matchup to be a little stronger than the last. A contender can certainly come out of here with Tony the Tiger and McGruff the Crime Dog. - Now that's a battle. - This is my special final here. - I'm gonna go over some abilities for Wolf. So Tony the Tiger, he has super human strength, speed, claws, charisma, and like an athlete, like I said. He's a great swimmer, right? He can kick a soccer ball really hard. Whereas McGruff the Crime Dog, he can pause time, but only to give commentary about the crime shown. He can't really interact in the time pausing. - It didn't change. - More of a presenter? - Yes. - Okay. - He does that serving in the Twilight Zone. Obviously, he does have super human perception and police training, and his bike can break bones. He's also a very good hunter. I think the hunting thing, what I just read, maybe does that take Tony the Tiger out? Tigers are hunted, and he is a bloodhound. - He is. - But bloodhounds usually go for smaller animals like foxes or pheasants. - I do feel like, aside from the freezing time thing that McGruff the Crime Dog is more in a realistic realm, whereas Tony the Tiger exists in more of a cartoon plane, which gives him more abilities. - It gives him more abilities, I believe. - But is he playing sports way too much to really focus on, like, is he too Lexa Daisy to focus on a death mat? - No, he can get feisty. - Okay. - He can show him that he's a tiger. He can show him what he can do. And I feel like, you know, McGruff, honestly, I don't think he's as wild as Tony the Tiger because he wears more clothing. - I think this is, I think this is going more animalistic. I think they're gonna go to their carnal animal roots, and it's gonna be a bloodhound versus a tiger. They're the same size, they're both six feet tall. And I think a tiger's gonna be a dog all day long. - Well, and here's the thing, McGruff is tough. He's very tough, but I feel like Tony the Tiger is more spry. I see McGruff the Crime Dog as, pardon the reference, it's old, it's dated, but more of a Colombo type. Kind of, you know, wise, strong. You don't want to mess with him. If you're Tony the Tiger, he could mess with him. - I'm saying Tony the Tiger wins. - Super human strength, speed, claws, charisma. - Now, - Bacon sale. - Bacon sale. McGruff, his bike can break bones, but he doesn't have sharp teeth. - How do they know that, by the way? Like all these abilities were in commercials. They have a commercial where he bit bones. - Crime is made out of bones. (laughing) - Dick's butt out of it. (laughing) - Sentences. - Crime is made out of bones. The bones of the money, so are the worms. Wow, all right. Tony the Tiger wins. - Indeed. - Tony the Tiger wins. - They're great. - All right, and with that, our final matchup, Tony the Tiger versus the Brony Man. - Wow. - How is this matchup going to go, Kent? - We've used the size of the Brony Man in most of the arguments, right? - Yes. - So we're saying he could even be huge here. - But giants have been taken out before. - Especially giants that are just men, right? - Just for a man? (laughing) - Yeah, because he needed, well, he shaved and so he doesn't need it anymore. - Thank goodness. - But men can get sick, right? - Tigers can't, men are weak. - No, Tigers are notorious for never getting sick. - Oh, they never get sick. - I'm pretty sure I saw a documentary with Eddie Murphy where a Tiger got real sick. - No, I'm pretty sure that if you go to Lagoon, that Tiger is perfectly helpful. - Oh, oh, so sick. (laughing) - What? - Joel. 'Cause you're argument, Tigers don't get sick. - Sad Tigers, sad. - You're crying now. - I'd be more afraid if a Tiger came up to me. (laughing) I mean, when that happens. - More than a guy? (laughing) - Yeah, he ticked off. (laughing) Bronnie Man or Tony, the Tiger. - Tiger, the Tiger, guys. - I'd go for the bear. - But how is a regular size, a six foot Tiger going to beat a-- - Okay. - How can we say that Bronnie Man is a bitch? - Is he big enough to-- - He's not as tall as the Jolly Green Giant. He's probably four stories high. Maybe that's as tall. I do think though, guess what? I've had my cat use its claws to climb up my body and attack me. That's the same thing a Tiger could do to the Bronnie Man. - I'm scared of claws. - And there's lots of stuff to grab on when you were wearing a plaid shirt. That's a really good grabbin' material. You could get right up to those eyes. And yes, it would take some swiping. I don't know, I like both. I think both have a really good chance of winning. - I just like-- - Not liking it. It's about who's fighting. - I like the underdog argument here. I think Tony, the Tiger with-- - It's not a dog, it's a Tiger. - No, he beat the city dog in the last round. - I like the underdog. - I like the underdog. - I like the underdog. And I think the agile, super athlete Tiger with claws and teeth can take out the giant man. - How do you feel Joel? - I mean, you know, it's the Achilles tendon. I'll go back to that. - No, I'm gonna go with, this is not a David and Goliath situation here. - No, well, it's not a trigger bear. - It's not a trigger bear. - I see the giant Bronnie Man with an axe, 'cause the Jolly Green Giant didn't have an axe and he was more pacifist. The Bronnie Man, I think he could get in a scuffle. I think he's fought more than his fair share of wild animals in his life. I think he has the ability to beat Tony the Tiger. - I think even with it, being a giant giant is very much slower. They can cover more ground, but tigers are so fast. - Tony the Tiger's gonna do his super kick on Bronnie Man and it's gonna push Bronnie Man-- - To the kneecap. - Well, to the shin, 'cause it's about as high as he could reach maybe. And it's gonna push, it's gonna move that leg back and that's it. - You mean the 201 megatons of force? - Yeah. - Okay. With claws. - It's gonna push the Bronnie Man back about 10 feet. - Our skin, it can be easily punctured. A tiger is, even if it's scratched down the leg. - It doesn't mean death. - I know, but it's gonna be an irritant and distract the Bronnie Man. - He's wearing thick jeans. - And he can, are you saying that-- - And he's wearing-- - Are you saying that even if Tony the Tiger loses the battle, that infection will win the war? - Absolutely. Men can get sick. - But not tigers. - Not tigers. - Poor lagoon. - Oh, listen to the following sentence. - Okay. - We did a death match mascot bracket, the Bronnie Man one. - Okay. - Oh, so that's not it. - We did a death match bracket and Tony the Tiger won. - That feels so right. - Come on, that feels so right, Joel, Joel. - My argument is so the Bronnie Man. - Okay, well, I think the audience has decided. - Question is how large is the Bronnie Man every time? - If he's the giant in the 1976 commercial, I'm imagining in my head, he's giant. - I think a tiger can take a giant. - I think Tony the Tiger wins. - Whoo! - Don't you applaud? - Whoo! - I'm so proud of him. - Yeah, wow, he's just a friend to everyone. He wants you to be good at soccer. - Yeah, death match friends don't matter. - One time when I was in elementary school, I saw a huge hot air balloon with Tony the Tiger and it changed my life. - I love Tony the Tiger. - Tony the Tiger is just a bunch of hot air. - I hate it. - And your guys' arguments a bunch of hot air too. - I hate it. - It's a logical conclusion. - I hate his cereal. I really do hate frosted plates. - How do you hate frosted plates? - It's pretty, but I hate it all the time because I loved him so much. A big Tony the Tiger guy. - But hide that the whole time. I'm so happy here. - Goodness. - Tony, you got it. - I got your back. - All right, that's some distracts. - He's wearing distracts. - Did you say it already officially? - Tony the Tiger wins. - Yes. - There we go. - So there you go. There is our brand mascot battle where you can get our bracket at baconsell.com, play yourself and maybe make better decisions than we did. - And if you get mad at this, what's wrong with you? Why do you care this much? It's just capitalism, man. But we want to see your filled out bracket to see who you would have taken to the finals. We want to see that on Facebook. We want to see that on Twitter. We want to see that on Instagram, if possible, because I'm not posting pictures on Instagram and stupid and you can't really do it. But let us know because we want to hear from you on social media. It's our love language listener. Commenting on our posts is our love language hair baconsell. - That is a sentence that has been said before. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But before we go, we want to thank the patrons. So from the I'm listener category, we have Taylor Sanderson, some guy, Sir and Madam Hicks. Scott, just because Sherman won't say Dingleberry doesn't mean you can't spray. Ryan and Marley, Lady Terrier, Family Juice, the Kooler King, Swallow, Jennifer Kilkaski, Casey Cummings, Angelo Plots and Adam and Rachel Crump. And from the Bacon Council, we have the other Brit, Johnny English, the one, the only Chris Anderson, Stephen, everyone's favorite Ross, Star Wars expert Kyler, our favorite couple of the Mads since Nicole DeKalle, Her Royal Highness Jessica Terry, Glow Clan Daniel, Debbie Foster and Beaker. - Thank you patrons, you're of the Big Ben to our dumb. (laughing) - Just like our argument. - Yes. - But if you want to find me, you can find me @samesexjole on Twitter. You can find me performing with QuickWits, you can perform at the Midville Performing Arts Center and the studio at the Parker Theater. For more details, go to qwcom.com or go to the QuickWits Facebook page. - You can find me on Twitter and Instagram @Kenny3DD. You can read my movie reviews at showtimeshowdown.com. If you'd like to connect with me, you can do so on Twitter and Instagram @tumblingmustard. But more importantly, make sure you're following Bacon Sale. Please like that Facebook page and then go to @baconsale on Twitter and Instagram. After you've done that, go to tpublic.com/baconsale and get yourself some merch. And then if you like what's going on here and you want to support us further, go to patreon.com/baconsale support starts at just three bucks a month and you can hear very relatable stories on our bacon beds. - Very relatable. - Yes. - Involving Mustangs and Eggs. - Patreon.com/baconsale. - So until next time, when sugar bears in Mascotland. - Let my people go. (laughing) (bouncy music) - Who is more likable between the Pillsbury Doughboy and the Snuggle Bear? - That is the sentence that's never been said before. Can you smell the Kool-Aid man? I smelled him the other day. (laughing) - Not not strong with those abs. Come on. Oh, the new Twilight. Can't chocolate and the old Spice guy? - I would fall in love with the old Spice guy. I'm a blueberry boy. Don't fat shame sugar bear. - I'm not. - You're skinny shaving sugar bear. Kevin is with sugar bear. Clowns are animals too, can't. - I think sugar bear is impervious to alcoholism. - Estimate works against McDonald's apparently. - Two kids at every station. - What is this show? - One mention of McDonald's in the Old Testament. - Two one. - Move on. (laughing) - I didn't mean to. - I didn't mean to. - This is a jock tiger versus like a rabbit that probably has a podcast. - Music is not on the radio camp. The music is in his heart. - He's a dog from inner city Chicago. He wins. He fought villains known as thirsties. And what are women for old Spice guy? - He's a biblical bear. Magic erasers with grease? Wendy's. Magic erasers with cream filling? Twinkies. - People in the woods are quite superstitious. - If he's living among the trees, here's the tree people. - Lucky he gets his nutrients from children. - Mm. - Mm. - Mm. - Mm. (laughing) - Honey. - I love him. I was a well. Who has a more killer instinct? So I'll keep there. - A bear or a bear? - French tiger. - I just got guilted by Smokey Bear. - Who can? - The Kool-Aid man can. His clothes are wilted. That's embarrassing. - The joke was great. - Can't help it then. - And now we can't have it 'cause you-- - Oh no, no. He represents a Roman dictator, but he has pizza. - He's a six-foot inner city dog? - Crime is made out of bones. - I'm pretty sure that if you go to Lagoon, that tiger is perfectly helpful. (laughing) - What's in your fingies after a camp? - Oh gosh. - Hold on, fingies. I'm pretty good at your file, too. - What? That's a pretty good file. (laughing) (laughing)