The Jordan Syatt Podcast

Blood Flow Restriction Training, Advice For My Younger Self, Yoga vs. Mobility, When to be Selfish, And More...

In this episode of The Jordan Syatt Mini-Podcast, I shoot the breeze and answer questions from listeners with my podcast producer, Tony, and we discuss:
- The truth about BFR (blood-flow restriction) training
- The difference between yoga and mobility training
- Disordered eating at 16
- When being selfish is a good thing
- Kittens, puppies, kids and travel
- Advice I give to my younger self
- And more...
Do you have any questions you want us to discuss on the podcast? Give Tony a follow and shoot him a DM on Instagram HERE: https://www.instagram.com/tone_reverie/
I hope you enjoy this episode and, if you do, please leave a review on iTunes (huge thank you to everyone who has written one so far).
Finally, if you've been thinking about joining The Inner Circle but haven't yet... we have hundreds of home and bodyweight workouts for you and you can get them all HERE: https://www.sfinnercircle.com/

Duration:: 1h 1m
Broadcast on:: 25 Aug 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

(upbeat music) - Wicked, smart. Tony, dude, how was Portugal? (speaking in foreign language) How was it? - So I went in with like no expectations whatsoever, mostly out of ignorance, I guess. - Okay. - Loved it. Loved everything about it. Yeah, it was amazing. - That's awesome. I've heard Lisbon is amazing. - Yeah. Yeah. - You're there for a wedding? - Yeah, the time there. But yeah, the wedding was in Edward R, which is like like two hours away or something. And it was like kind of rustic area. So I spent most of my time there, but yeah. - And you were there with your girlfriend? - She was actually the efficient for the wedding. - Oh, that's awesome. That's super cool. - We were on official business, you know? (laughing) The food was good? - Yeah, do you know much about Portuguese food? - I wouldn't say I'm a Portuguese food expert. I've had Portuguese food, but I don't know much about it. No, tell me about it. - So my takeaway was like very simple flavors. Like they're not doing a lot of crazy stuff. Like they're not doing like curries or, you know, where there's like a lot of complex. It's like there's butters, there's salts, there's peppers, there's a spice, there's an herb, maybe. So like for kind of simple, but they do see food really well, they do meet really well. You know how like some places like in Italy, for example, I felt like everything was kind of heavy, like carby. Like for me, this was just like the perfect amount of like proteins to vegetables to starches. And like, yeah, like I was there a whole week and never once was like, oh man, I really miss, you know, the food I get at home, which can happen sometimes when you're abroad, even if it's really good, you're just like, man, like, you know, I can only have, you know, sashimi so many times, you know. - Bro, I will have sashimi every meal. I know what you mean, but I'll have sashimi for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yeah, sometimes it's nice just to be back on your routine. - Yeah, this felt very familiar, very accessible to the American people. - I love that. - Let me put it that way. - Yeah, it was great. - And you were there for a week? - Yeah, yeah. - Dude, that's awesome. I love that. - Good, I'm glad, man, I'm glad you had fun. What's your word of the day? What's your Spanish word of the day? - Mm. Inertia. - Well, that's too easy, you know what that means. - I'm assuming that means energy. - Yeah, 'cause I'm feeling like I have like recharge and have energy. - It's okay, it could be a word that sounds familiar. It's fine, that's the word of the day. Energy, okay, I like that, okay. Hmm, okay, you know, I was trying to think of one for, for Hebrew. Let's do, you know, it's funny, I try and think of words that if someone actually ever needs it, it's really important sometimes. - Right, yeah. - It's like, so mime, mime is water. Which is a very important word, wherever you're traveling, you should always know how to say water. So yeah, mime, mime. - Nice, so Baba. - So Baba, let's go. What a, oh dude, before we begin, I was doing an Inner Circle podcast yesterday. I'm gonna, I'll publish this one, it was really good. I was speaking with this amazing woman, her name is Huma. She lives in Canada, but she's originally from Pakistan. And I was asking her like, what type of food, if I went to a Pakistani restaurant, what type of food should I get? And she said, "Chicken biryani." And like she said, "Biryani." And so I said, "Oh, chicken biryani." And she looked at me, and this is on the podcast when I publish it, people hear it. She was like, "You literally said that perfectly." And I'm like, "Yes." - Yeah. (laughing) I've got the accent, so anyway, I had to say that. But what's up? - I feel like knowing Hebrew, right? You're exposed to a lot of pronunciations that the average American might not. And so that probably overlaps with a lot of other languages. Like I actually had a really hard time in Portugal, and like usually I'm pretty good at picking up accents when I hear them. And there's just like little vowel sounds that are just a little different that I'm not used to. So anyways, yeah, so just with language, you know, it's like once you add those to your arsenal, then I feel like more and more languages become accessible, right? - Yeah, makes total sense. Yeah, perfect. What do we got for today, bro? - It's a Q&A today. - Okay, let's do it. - This one is anonymous. - Okay. - Question for Jordan. What's his thoughts on BFR training? Does he do it? - Do you know what BFR is? - So I Googled it and I'm assuming she means blood flow restriction. - The blood flow restriction. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, BFR, blood flow restriction training. Here's what I'll say. I feel like I start so many of my things by saying, "Here's what I'll say." I think before we even get into the specifics of blood flow restriction training, it's really, really important to remember that anything that takes you outside of the basic fundamentals of training, it's usually done or spoken about in a way to make you think that it has some unique special properties that are better and more advanced and that you won't be able to get the same results unless you use this very specific, unique methodology. And that's just not how it works. Like the VAT, like the Pareto principle holds true. Like the 80/20 rule, like the 80% of your results comes from 20% of the methods is what I would say here. So the vast majority of what anybody would need is not BFR training. Now, blood flow restriction training is specifically used mainly for building bigger muscles. So it's to elicit a greater hypertrophic response, which is where if you want to build a greater, a muscle of greater size, which is not to be confused with a muscle of greater strength, a muscle of greater size, blood flow restriction training can have some benefits. The thoughts being that you essentially, and I don't recommend it, there are specific BFR bands and attachments that you can use where you cuff them to different parts of your body to restrict blood flow during a set. Do not just try and put a tourniquet on yourself. It's very dangerous, you don't want to do that. There are specific bands that allow you to do it safely. But the general idea being that you restrict blood flow to a muscle and then you take the band off and then boom, the muscle gets flushed with blood. There is research showing that it's effective, but for whatever it's worth, there's research showing that basically anything in the world is effective. There's research finding anything you want, whatever you want, there's research showing it's effective. So it's not effective because of anything unique to BFR. I think as long as you're training with enough intensity and with enough consistency, then basically anything is going to work, whether you wrap some shit around your arm or not. So I haven't recommended a single person in the world to use BFR training. I've never been like, you know what, you need BFR. You need blood flow restriction training. I've never said that and I can, I would bet a significant chunk of change. I will never say to anybody that you need BFR training ever. That doesn't mean there aren't potential benefits to it, but on the top list of 500 things, I would recommend someone do for strength training, nutrition, athletic performance, physique enhancement, any of that stuff. It wouldn't make the top 500, not even close, probably not even the top 1000. So there are potential benefits, but I wouldn't recommend it. - Yeah, someone brought up, I think this would be considered BFR, but basically using a specific band or when I hurt my knee, like when I was doing squats or something, and then right after releasing it, and the rationale there was just like it helped get circulation into where, you know, the damage was. - The way that I see it is, and listen, there's research showing everything, but all you're doing is delaying the circulation, right? It's like you cut it off, and then you take the band off, and then the blood goes exactly where it was gonna go anyway. So, right, like that's literally the whole idea is where you cut the blood off during the set, and then you take it off, and then the blood flushes in. And it's like, the blood was gonna go there anyway. There was no other fucking choice. So, for me, it doesn't make much sense. It seems like more of a placebo than anything else. Yeah, that's just my thing. Like, you know what I mean? It just, it has never really made much sense to me. And again, like, here's what I, you know where I'll say, I think it might make sense for someone, is if there's someone, 'cause this type of training is very painful, like excruciatingly painful. When I say that it's, you know, the muscle pump that you get when you lift weights, like if you're doing like a set of eight, 12, 15, what you get, the higher repetition you go, the more it burns, you're like, oh my God, oh my God. This gives you a much, a real muscle pump, like a real muscle pump, it's way, way more painful. And it requires way less weight for you to do that. So, if I was working with someone, and specifically when I say someone, I mean like someone who loves bodybuilding, someone who loves isolation work, like just they love their bicep curls, they love their tricep extensions, they love their leg extensions, they love isolation, bodybuilding, higher repetition, but they also have a habit of lifting way too heavy and hurting themselves. This might be a good option for them to be like, you are now, like you can't lift as heavy. It's way more painful earlier on. So you get that masochistic pain stimulus without lifting as heavy and without putting as much, yeah, you feel the pump, you don't worry about as much about the joint issues that come with it 'cause you're not lifting as heavy. So, that's really the only person that might have benefit to it, but I'm also in my head, I'm just like, stopping an idiot, right? Just stop lifting so heavy that you're hurting yourself. How about we just focus on technique, slow the repetitions down, like why do we have to get these cuffs that you have to restrict the blood flow to your body? So, it's one of those things for me. It's just, it's another, I'm not saying it doesn't work. It's just another way for people to make money off of, rather than getting people to do what's right. - Yeah, yeah, and back to your 80/20 role, like good sleep, like probably one of the more important things you could do. - Yes, yes, exactly. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Very cool, okay. Learn something new. All right, this one is from Sandra Monzella Lykner. Hi, Tony, I have a question for Jordan for the podcast. Can you talk about the differences between yoga and mobility? I do yoga every day in addition to regular strength training and cardio, running and HIIT. But after seeing all your mobility content, I'm wondering if I should look at rotating some in. Thank you both for all the great content. Jordan, congratulations on another wonderful baby girl on the way. Hope your wife is doing well. - Oh, thank you. That's incredibly kind. This is Sandra. - Yes. - Thank you, Sandra. I appreciate that immensely. What I would say, it's a very good question. And the first question is really what I want to focus on for this moment. Sandra said something in the effect of, what's the difference between yoga and flexibility, I think, or yoga and mobility, is that right? - Yoga and mobility. - That would sort of be like asking, what's the difference between running and cardio, right? It's like, running is one form of cardio, but it's not the only form of cardio. But running is still cardio. Yoga. And keep in mind, there are many different aspects of yoga, the turning on the type of yoga you're doing. There's a spiritual side of it, if you're into that. There are many different sides, but specifically the mobility side, yoga, is one method of improving mobility. In the same way that running is one method of improving cardio. But you could also do walking, you could also do jogging, you could also do cycling, you could also do swimming, you could also do hiking, there are many ways to improve your cardio, and there are many ways to improve your mobility. So yoga is one of those ways. And I think Tony, you and I were talking on, I think the last time we recorded, we were talking about how, if there's an area that I have, and most likely to have done in Kruger, was that you and I talking about that? - Oh yeah, that was a whole episode, man. - Yeah, and I think I said mobility, or dog training, potentially dog training. - Dog training. - Yeah, dog training, and then also mobility. And so this is where, it's really important for me to be aware, like I'm doing one method of improving mobility. And I'm not doing one method, I'm doing a multitude of methods. So for example, I do some static stretching, which is one method of improving mobility. I also do some loaded stretching, right, where I'll lift heavy weight while I'm training in these larger ranges of motion to increase my mobility. This is another method of improving mobility. Yoga, and any yoga teacher will tell you that there are different modalities that you're using throughout a yoga session. So even yoga isn't just one type of training, there's like many types within a single yoga session. So generally speaking, yoga, you can separate it from, we'll say, like loaded stretching, where it's like you're loading a barbell, and I put on my story, I don't know if you saw I was doing this hip flexor stretch with a barbell on my back, right? Which is just, do you see that, Tony? - I'm not sure which one you mean. - I'll just straight this picture. We're obviously not, people aren't gonna see this who are listening, but they might have seen it on my Instagram. I literally, I'm doing a hip flexor stretch with my rear leg elevated. And yeah, and then I have a barbell on my back. And this is like the most devastating hip flexor stretch I've ever done in my life. - Oh geez. - Yeah, it's amazing, I love it. - It almost looks like a painting or something. - Most people were like, how do you get in that position? That was like the most common question. So I need to make a video on that. But it's just another method. And it's really important. - Important. (laughs) - At this point, I don't foresee me doing a profile picture without my daughter in a very long time. Like I just, you know what I mean? It's just like, I just want my daughter and God willing my next daughter, that'll be interesting when I have both of them in my hands. Like I've gotta get both of them in the same picture. - In like a hip flexor stretch. - Yes, yes. (laughs) - That's the load, you know? (laughs) - The point is yoga encompasses a number of different aspects of mobility training. But I wouldn't say one is inherently better or worse than the other. I think that they all work. You just have to find what you enjoy most. For me personally, I've tried yoga in the past and I've hated it not because of the training but just because I love lifting. So like I love lifting. I really do. So when I found that I could improve my mobility with a barbell or with dumbbells or with heavy lifting, now all of a sudden mobility training is fun for me because that's what I enjoy. Whereas with yoga, and maybe I just hadn't found a yoga teacher or yoga style that I enjoyed, but there was never a time where I was like, mmm, this is for me. Like this is what I love doing. So it's another way and it's a valid way and it's a very effective way. But I just prefer the style of mobility training that involves heavier lifting and loaded stretching that just it. I'm wearing a West Side barbell shirt right now. Like I love lifting heavy, you know. It's in my DNA. I love it. So it's a wonderful tool. I don't think that loaded stretching is the only or the most effective type of stretching for everybody. Just like I don't think yoga is the only or the most effective type of mobility for everybody either. I think realistically a little bit of everything is probably better than any one single methodology. Which is why even with my loaded stretching, I still do bodyweight static stretching. I still do some yoga poses. I just don't do an entire yoga class, right? I still incorporate yoga poses within my training and within my mobility work, but I'm not doing a 45, 60 minute, 90 minute yoga session. So it's wonderful, it works, but it's not the only thing that works. It's just another tool in your mobility toolbox. Yeah, and you know, since Sandra said she's doing strength training and cardio and hit and yoga, you know, I wonder if she's curious about this mobility protocol, if she would wanna like maybe replace one yoga session a week or just scale back on something to add in a little bit and try it and see if she likes it. Yeah, even just even, so here's something that is an interesting sort of test that you can run on yourself. So, and I'm gonna use the side splits, like the splits where your legs are coming out to the side, just as a visual example, it's easier for people to visualize this. I just see Gigi Mufu. Yeah, yeah, with his legs. Dude, that's, I wanna do that with my daughters. I want my legs out on chairs and then holding a daughter on each leg, like that's what I want. I want that picture so bad. That's the profile pic, let's go. Yes, that's the profile picture. So let's see you're going out in your side splits, right? You're going out in your side splits, your legs are coming out to the side. Let's say you have two people who are doing the same side split and let's say they can get to the exact same distance in their side split, okay? One of those people can get to that distance on their own without any assistance, right? So they don't need to hold on to a weight. They don't need to get pushed down at all. They can just get out to that distance down on their own, right? They have enough mobility and flexibility to get that level of deepness just with their own level of mobility flexibility. The other person needs a little bit of weight to get down. They need to hold to a kettlebell, they need someone pushing them down. Cool, either way they're now down at the equal distance down. Let's say the person who needed that little bit of extra weight though, they can hold that position now and they can hold that depth without fatiguing for a long period of time. Whereas the person who was able to achieve that depth without being pushed down, they could just do it with their own ease of mobility. They didn't have the strength to hold themselves up. Does that make sense? So like they're in that position with their legs really wide but they don't have the strength to hold themselves up. Well now we have two different issues. The first person, their issue is more actual, like we'll call it flexibility base. They don't have the flexibility to get down to that position without external force but they have the strength to hold it. Whereas the other person, they can get down that deep on their own but they can't hold it for very long. That's when I would say those two people need opposite approaches. The person who is struggling to get down without external force, they might need to work more on this pure flexibility, just being able to open up a little bit. Whereas the person who can get their no problem but can't sustain it, they need more strength in that position. And so Sandra, if you're the person who has a pretty big range of motion but you can't hold that position for any meaningful period of time, that might mean you need some more strength work in that elongated position. Whereas if you can't get into a position, elongated at all, well now maybe we need just more dedicated flexibility work. - Yeah. - Does that make sense? - That's a great way to think about it, like where's your deficit? What's the weakest rank? - Yes, yes. - And I think it also begs the question, like what's the ultimate goal? It sounds like she's got like a really healthy routine with a lot of variety. Like if it's just fun to like try something new, you know, that might be a reason to just go with it. But if she's happy with what she's doing and it's working, you know, I wonder if, do you ever really need, you know, to add something else? - Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you have a very balanced program. You're doing so many different things in that you're training a little bit of everything which is great from an overall health and performance perspective. If you have a specific goal, sometimes being too balanced is not good, right? So if you have a very specific goal, usually you can't be very balanced because you inherently have to be unbalanced in order to achieve that goal in order to do whatever you need to do in order to make that your priority. When you have a priority and you're putting everything in that priority, you are inherently unbalanced, which isn't a bad thing. Priorities lead to unbalanced, but it's okay. That's fine. You have to be unbalanced to achieve that priority. So for me, my priority right now is my splits. So I'm unbalanced in my training, but that's okay 'cause if I was balanced, I probably would never achieve it. So if you have a very specific goal, like a split or a specific yoga pose, then it might make sense to try some other methodologies to see if it can expedite the process and address any major deficits that you have that you might not be able to address if you're too balanced with your training. - Yeah, that's a good point. Let's see, I'm going back a ways now to get them. - Are you getting questions? - Yeah, I haven't gotten as many recently. - Okay. - But I've still got a bunch. We've got a backlog, so I just gotta go back and find them. All right, so this one's also anonymous. Hey, Tony, I had a question for you in Jordan. The next time you do a Q and A, although I do want to remain anonymous, if you guys choose to answer my question, I have a son who is now 16. Although he has battled with disordered eating from a pretty young age, he has even seen a specialist that helps with this department. And although he felt like he didn't vibe with the person he continues to work with a regular therapist, but I'm just wondering, what is Jordan's thoughts and advice he can offer since he had dealt with some of the same issues? How can I help my son from the standpoint of a parent? I've had numerous talks regarding the topic. He's talked to his therapist. He's seen the binge specialist, but it doesn't seem improvements are long-term. They're always pretty short-lived, and most recently, we have found out that he has some heart problems due to, sorry, due to prolonged high blood pressure. Sometimes he won't improve his habits for a while, but then they always seem like they creep back up, which I totally understand. This is not something that can be just fixed, but he refuses to return to see the specialist. And sometimes he won't even talk about the issues, I believe probably because he is embarrassed, but I'm just concerned for his health. And I try to explain that to him. So sorry for the long question. I really appreciate you taking the time to read this. - Man, I'm very sorry that you're going through this. I'll note right now that as Tony was finishing and reading this, a small part of my brain was like, we should skip this question because I don't feel qualified to answer. I do think we should keep it in just 'cause I think it's important for people to hear something like this, even if I don't have a good answer. First and foremost, I'm very sorry that he's going through this and that you're going through this, and your whole family's going through it. I really can't imagine how stressful it must be, how scary it must be. And I'll, again, reiterate, this is beyond my area of expertise. The main reason I wanted to keep it in is because I think that number one, it's important for people to hear that people are going through these things, which I think logically we understand, but I think it also creates a little bit more empathy when you're just walking around outside or even interacting with someone online, just knowing like you don't know what they're going through. You have no idea. The other thing I'll say is, the majority of my clients and listeners are women. And from what I've seen either speaking with women or seeing online, there's a misconception that women have eating disorders more than men, which is not accurate. It's about a 50/50 split. It's just women are more likely to seek help for it than men are. And I think here is a very good example of a boy, a young man who is clearly having major, major issues and is refusing to get help for it, which I know some young girls and young women would do that as well. But it's also important to be aware that just just because of someone's gender, you have no idea what they're going through. You just have no clue. And it's important to be aware of this. And I wanted to keep this in for that reason as well. Now, I think the best thing that I can say as, again, a clarifier is that this is definitely outside of my scope. And so anything I say is more just my thoughts, not a recommendation, not saying, "Hey, not a prescription," just like just my thoughts. There was one thing that you said that really, there are many things that you said, but one in particular, it's sort of a ringing in my ears right now, which is he refuses to see the specialist. And did she say he's 16, Tony? I believe, yeah. Obviously every child and every parent and every family is different. I can tell you this. There are many things that I refuse to do at 16. But if it was something related to my health, my mom wouldn't have, there wouldn't have been a refusal. There would have been like, we're going, you don't have a choice. And whatever she needed to do to make that happen is we're getting you in the car and you're going here. If there are inpatient outpatient facilities for individuals with severe disorder-deating, which if he's getting to the point where his health and his heart issues, he's having real problems, he might need to go to an outpatient facility to stay there and be treated. This might be that serious. He does not get the choice right now. You as the parent need to make this decision very forcefully. Swiftly and forcefully to say, this is what we're doing. If you need to speak to the specialists on your own, to doctors on your own, do it and make a plan to get him the help that he needs. This is not the time for you to say, well, he's going to get to choose. No, it's just, it's not. And this goes for so many things in life, but a 16-year-old can make so many decisions that will hurt them devastatingly for the rest of their life. We can't be giving children the opportunity to make these choices as the parent we need to. And I'm not saying it's easy and I've clarified enough, like this is not my area of expertise, this is just me giving my thoughts. But as a parent, it is our responsibility to make these decisions for them and do whatever needs to be done to get them the help that they need. And if that means putting him in an outpatient facility and getting him the help that he needs on that level, then that's what needs to be done. And with the information that you've given me, that's my recommendation, is make a very swift, very forceful decision and do not give him the choice. - Yeah. - Yeah, when she mentioned the blood pressure, like that's very serious. - There are very real heart complications, other many complications, but heart complications outside of blood pressure that can come from disorder eating. People die from disorder eating every day. Every day, like a lot of people die from eating disorder. Like if you wanna go down a horrible rabbit hole, you can look up on Google, you know, the health complications that come from severe disorder eating, it's one of the scariest things you'll ever see in your life. And for whatever it's worth, this is one of the reasons why I get so angry when people say that they're not losing weight because they're in starvation mode, they're not losing weight because they're not eating enough. I'm like, fuck you, could you imagine having severe anorexia, severe bulimia, a severe eating disorder? And literally wearing baggy clothes on purpose because you've lost so much weight that you don't want people commenting on how skinny you are. You don't want people to notice it. So you wear baggy clothes on purpose and you're hungry all the time and you're deliberately not eating because you have this severe eating disorder. And someone has the audacity to say they're not losing weight because they're not eating enough. Google search, what happens with a severe eating disorder and your life will be changed like immediately. People die from this every single day. It is a real, real problem. And I'm sorry again that you're going through this. I'm sorry that he's going through this. I know it can massively negatively impact the entire family. It's awful. You need to make this swift and forceful decision that he's going to get help and you're going to do whatever you need to do to make sure he gets there. Even if he's kicking and screaming all the way there. Yeah, I used to do sound for an event on the Capitol when I was just starting out with a group called... I think it was mad mothers against disordered eating or disordered. I forget exactly what the acronym was, but yeah, it was a bunch of parents. Yeah, it was a bunch of parents who came and marched on the Capitol and like put on a whole ceremony out there on the lawn. And you would just hear these heartbreaking stories of people that they lost way too soon, teenagers. And I mean, that changed how I thought about it. A hundred percent. So when you're saying like Google, let's see what's actually going on. Like it's very serious. Yeah, yeah, it's horrendous. It's absolutely horrifying. Yeah. All right. This one is from Falconeana 2013. Hi, Tony. Hope you can include this question in Jordan's podcast. Have been following him since the pandemic. Sydney Cummings and Jordan have become my coaches since then. And I have decreased my binge eating frenzies thanks to them. That's amazing. I'm getting to a point in which working out and eating healthy 80% of the time is becoming the one thing I can control. Other aspects of my life are not so good. I know what I need to do. I just can't get the courage to do it. I keep telling myself I can't do it because I don't want to harm others. How can someone transfer this knowledge, self care habits to other aspects of their life without feeling egocentric or selfish? Can you read the after Sydney Cummings again? Just read the rest of it. Yeah, no, no worries at all. I'm getting to a point in which working out and eating healthy 80% of the time is becoming the one thing I can control. Other aspects of my life are not so good. I know what I need to do. I just can't get the courage to do it. I keep telling myself I can't do it because I don't want to harm others. How can someone transfer this knowledge of self care habits to other aspects of their life without feeling egocentric or selfish? I wish we had more to go with. I wish we had more context to what other areas she's struggling with. The part where she's saying, how do you do it without feeling egocentric? I'm assuming she's feeling selfish for wanting to focus on other areas of her life. And is that what you got from it? Yeah, and I actually did a message with her a little bit. That's the vibe I got was maybe there's family obligations or things that she feels obligated to do, but that aren't really good for her. I mean, I understand that. I guess it would depend on the specifics and the context, but the older I get, the more, and is my personal outlook, you need to do what is right for you, especially, especially, especially before you have kids and before you're married. I think that it still holds true once you have kids and once you're married, but it dissipates. Like the most important thing is your kids, obviously, so you're going to put them first above all else. You can't just ignore your spouse. There are things you're going to have to find middle ground. But before you get married, before you have kids, you need to do what's right for you, right? And then once you get married, once you have kids, if that's throughout, you go down, I think your spouse and your kids sort of become you in a sense, and focusing on them is focusing on you in some ways, and there's obviously a distinction we made there, but the way I'm thinking about it, in my mind, the context is this. Let's say, for example, my family, my extent, like my mom or my aunt and uncles, they want us to fly to Boston, to have Thanksgiving in Boston. And I've got my wife and my daughter, and God willing our other daughter and my dog, and maybe your other dog? And maybe another dog coming, yeah, who knows, right? There will be a feeling of obligation where it's like, hey, the whole family is going to Boston, we should be there, but fuck that. Like, if it's not right for my immediate family, for my wife, for my children, for any, like, no. Sorry, hey, we're gonna do Thanksgiving here, and we would love it if you joined us. We understand everyone else is going to Boston, but we're in Texas. We've got, it doesn't make sense for us right now, it's outrageously difficult, we're not doing that. For our mental health, our emotional health, financial, all that, whatever it is. And I know many people will probably disagree with that, but the toll that that cross-country trip could and would take in order to appease that side of the family. I'm at a point in my life where I'm like, it's just, it's not worth it. And they're more than welcome to come here, they always have a home, they can stay with us, they can do Thanksgiving here, but at this point, like, no, it's just, that's not gonna happen. We're not traveling across the country to do that, it's just not within our, it's not within our means mentally, physically, or emotionally right now. And so, that's just one example, but if we're talking about before kids, before a spouse, again, if that's the route you end up going, you don't have to go there out, but before kids, before a spouse, I think you should be super, super selfish, really focused on what is best for you. That doesn't mean be rude, selfish doesn't mean be rude, selfish means do what's right for you. And you can do what's right for you while being polite and understanding and empathetic. Selfish doesn't mean saying like, F you, or I'm not doing anything you wanna do, it doesn't mean like avoiding compromise, it means you need to do what's right for you on a very consistent basis. And I know it's much easier said than done, but what I've found is being selfish on a consistent basis earlier on that gets you to the point where you actually want to be, will then allow you to be more selfless later on when you have the means to do that. So like for example, now when my mom wants to come to visit, once every like two to three months, I can pay for my mom to come visit. And like she doesn't have to worry about paying for flights, she doesn't have to worry about paying for anything. Like everything is taken care of. Whereas if I had done everything my mom wanted me to do before I was married, before I had kids, that probably wouldn't have been a possibility, right? So, and this is just talking about from one aspect, which is more from a business perspective, but I really think that in the old adage, you can't pour from an empty cup, it's true. It's true, you can't pour from an empty cup. And I think that if you're selfish earlier on, the size of your cup gets bigger, right? So not only do you fill your own cup, but you can fill up a much bigger cup. And so now you can have a giant bucket filled that now also has streams of water automatically pouring into it, constantly filling it up. And it's a much bigger cups than you can pour some out. And it's already being filled right back up again. So now obviously there is a limit to this. And there is, some people are more prone to being overly selfish and narcissistic even. I'm specifically answering this question from this individual who seems to struggle with being a little bit selfish, who seems to struggle with that. If you're the person who is, I've got no problem being selfish, I'll do what I want all the time. Maybe you're on the other end. Maybe you should try and be a little bit more selfless and giving a little bit. There's obviously a spectrum here, but for the individual who is really struggling to do what's right for them out of a fear of angering family or friends, or it's like, you've got to do what's right for you. And you've got to fill your cup and you've got to get yourself a bigger cup. You've got to get yourself a bucket. Yeah, it sounds like she mentioned a lack of control. So she's trying to do healthy things that she can control. Maybe there's a way to carve out a little more time and energy for herself so that she can recharge and fill her bucket. - Yeah, yeah, maybe. I mean, I think for me, the biggest issue that I can spot from the information that I have is that she's feeling bad for focusing on herself, which is you should never feel bad for focusing on yourself. - You know what, I just listened to your podcast with Dr. Josh Smith. - The most recent one on that was a good one. That was a really good one. - Well, especially 'cause we had talked about like the Meyer Briggs. - Yeah. Oh wait, oh wait, so you mean, you mean the one that him and I spoke about Meyer's Briggs? - Yeah. - All right, I just published another one with him the other day. - Oh really? - Yeah, we went in depth on narcissism, like really, really, really in depth, yeah. - Okay, I thought it was the second one, but either way, either way, it sounds like he talks about that kind of thing, you know. - Did we go over my personality type? That was the, that was the, not the most recent one, that was the. - Okay. - Yeah, so that we've published three podcasts in now. - Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. - Do you know what your Meyer's Briggs is? - No, but I was gonna ask him for the test. - It's in the link in his bio. It's in the link in his bio. - There you go. - Yeah. - Anyways, sort of a tangent, but I was just thinking, you know, if she's looking for resources on- - I'm gonna guess, I'm gonna guess yours right now, okay? - All right. - And then we have this recorded. You haven't taken it yet. I'm gonna guess you're an I-N-T-P. - Interesting. So I think when we were talking the other day, I mentioned like the letters came in my mind, but it's been like years since I took the test. I think I was I-N-T-J. - Oh, interesting, interesting, okay. - But yeah, that's, and the I and the E were like very close, I feel like. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. - That makes sense. - I can kind of flip, like. - Okay, yeah, yeah. - I'll do a week, just full blast on. It's great, I love it, and then like a week. I just don't wanna talk to anybody. (laughing) - Well, take the test and let me know what you are. I could also see I-N-T-J. I'll stick with I-N-T-P, but I could see, I could see either. - Yeah, yeah. We'll see, we'll see. I think it's just like a really useful rubric. - Yes. - To just kind of think about yourself in a different way, 'cause we're so stuck in our own thought patterns and like self-conceptions. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, so. - It explains, it helps to explain why you are the way you are. It doesn't tell you the way you have to be. It just helps you explain the way you see the world. And also, like my wife took it, it helps me understand her better. If your girlfriend takes it, it'll help you understand her better. It creates better discussions. It creates more empathy. It's really wonderful. - Very nice, very nice. - Very nice. - Better, better good. Let's see the lightning round. - Oh, lightning, let's go. What are the rules? Just answer as quickly as possible. As briefly as possible. - Yeah, you know, in this one, we kind of take it as far as we think we need to. - Okay. - Just give me the hot take. And then if there's something fun there, we've got some time we can go down, we can go down a rabbit hole or two if we want to. - Let's do it. - So this is a Coley Danger. Friends dog is having-- - Coley Danger. - Okay, yeah. I feel like Danger is such a cool name. - Yeah, it is. (laughing) - My middle name is Danger. (laughing) - Friends dog is having surprise puppies. Should I take one? Have two kids and one dog already. - Oh my gosh, oh geez. You know, it's funny. If you already have a dog and you already have two, yeah, yeah, go for it. Get a puppy, do it. - Boom. - I think we're not getting a new dog right now. Curtis is still a maniac. But I think by the time he's like two or three, God willing, well, we'll probably get another one. Just, you know, they have a friend. They can tie each other out. Yeah, I think we'll probably end up getting another one. - Nice. Yeah, we're thinking about that. - It's already crazy enough. - We're getting kittens. Wow, they're friends. - Oh, let's go. - She like adopted a cat. And then it turned out that that cat was pregnant. (laughing) Like the cat was just meowing at the window and like really friendly and sweet. And so she let her in and then she never left. And then like a few weeks later, I was like, oh, yeah, she's pregnant. - Wow, that pregnant mama needed a home. She like, help, help, help. - She found a second. (laughing) - Are you a cat person or a dog person? - Yeah, so I always think of myself as a cat person, but like the right dog is, is, I'm like more selective, I guess, about dogs, but the right dog is a pretty amazing, incredible friend. - Yeah, okay, okay. - But from a lifestyle perspective, I like the lower pressure of cats. - Yeah, I would imagine they're relatively easy compared to a dog. - Yeah. - Yeah. (laughing) - I mean, you tell me, you're in the thick of it right now. - Bro, we had, we were putting my daughter down to sleep the other night and all of a sudden the fire alarm, the smoke alarm starts going off. And I took my daughter out of the crib, my wife went downstairs, she hadn't even cooked, like there was no smoke, there was no nothing. And all, once one goes off, they all go off, they connect because you have to, wherever you're on the house, they want you to make sure you can hear it. So they go off, they're going off, they're going off, and then they actually turn off, they stop going, but then they start again, it's going, and this is like 9.30 at night, it's like... And, but there's no fire, and there's no smoke, and the CO2 isn't going off, nothing. So like, should I call 911, I don't wanna bother them, and we googled it, and they were like, it doesn't matter if you can't see what's going on, call 911. So we call 911, fire department comes, bro, when there were like six, seven firemen who came in, and I'll sit, firemen are the best, like I've never met a fireman, I didn't like, they're just awesome, they're like super fun, like just really nice, nice, nice, nice people, nevermind that they're running into burning buildings to save people, but like they're just, firemen are the best, anyway, they come in, and in my mind, I'm thinking, oh, you know, maybe Curtis is gonna be scared, maybe he's gonna be defensive, they're coming in and all their gear, they're huge dudes, I was thinking maybe there'll be a negative reaction, he ran at the, and his tail was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you guys, I love you, I love you, I love you, like he just went and turned on his belly, and it was, and I was like, man, this guy is just the, doesn't matter who comes in the door, he's gonna love you, no matter what, it was so, so funny, just like bulls, and then all the guys were like, man, we really need a station dog, we need a station dog, but like the way he just ran at these men, and just was so excited and happy to see all of them, while these things are blaring going off, like it was, it was-- - He's a golden retriever, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's just, he's a sweet boy, that's awesome. Did you ever watch BoJak Horseman? - No, I've never heard of that. - So it's just like a cartoon, it's like one of those like cartoons on Netflix, but it's actually like really dark, like think like the death of a salesman, it's like-- - Yeah, I'm not watching that. - Yeah, so it's really dark, it's depressing, but it's like animated and really witty and funny, so like it kind of like tricks you into being like, oh, I'm just gonna watch some light television, and then it was one of my favorite, I think it's like a great American classic, personally. - Okay. - But part of it's like one of the characters, like some of the characters are like animals, but they're just like normal people, so like BoJak Horseman's the main guy, and he's just like a dude with a big horse head. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And so one of the characters is Mr. Peanut Butter, he's a golden retriever. - Of course, Mr. Peanut Butter is a golden retriever. - Yeah, yeah, he's just like that, like he just loves everybody, and it's really funny. - Ugh, that's so good. - All right, this one's from Antigua Productions, and he says, what would you tell your young self, 20 and under, if you knew what you know now? - Oh man, this can't be a rapid fire question, this could be an entire podcast. - So maybe we should do that, but does one thing come to mind? Like is there one, like don't go on that vacation? - Or like 20 or under, all right, we'll definitely make this whole podcast at some point, I think that'd be cool to go through different phases of what I would say, but under 21 thing, I would say, man, I'll say a couple things, number one is have fun, like have travel, travel, like travel, on, I had very little money, like very little money, and anytime I got any money, travel, travel, go somewhere, go somewhere, you have some amazing, you might be fortunate enough to have some amazing friends where you are, they'll be there when you get back, go travel, go meet new people, experience new places, try new food, learn new languages, go in weird situations, and I can already tell, I know what the response is gonna be, it's different for a woman, which it is different for a woman, it is 100%, it's more dangerous for a woman, go with a friend, get someone to go with you, I have said this so many times to know like all the things that'll come up, go with someone else, and I know it's not easy to find someone else, I get it, and it shouldn't have to be that way, it shouldn't be more dangerous for a woman, I get it, but if I'm just being realistic, try and go with someone else, or connect with someone over there and then go stay with them, someone that you know or you can trust, but travel, travel, travel, please for the love of God, travel, that's actually all I'm gonna say for right now, there are many other things I could say, but God, travel, get out of your home country, go somewhere out, like ghosts, there's so much to see, there's so many amazing people in so many amazing places, and I really think it's such a cliche, like the cliche answer at these beauty pageants, what do you want, world peace, right, it's like, but it's cliche because I think most non-psychopaths would really just want world peace, I actually think the way to accomplish world peace is through everyone experiencing other cultures and realizing that we're all just regular, real humans with real families and real people, and we all deserve the same opportunities in terms of freedoms and liberties and happiness and justice, like we all deserve them equally, and it's so easy to look on the news or to hear different stories about other places and to be fueled by propaganda and it's to dehumanize an entire group of people, go travel, go to the, please, please, please, it is just, I think it's so good for your soul. - So there was a organization called People to People There Is, and it was founded by, I think, Eisenhower's wife, the first lady, I'm like in our name, but that's the whole thesis is like, peace through understanding of people, if we get Americans to travel and to participate in culture and do cultural exchange that like, we'll be building peace at like the population level as opposed to the government level. - Yes. - And so like, yeah, when I was in high school, my friends started a People to People chapter club and like, we would watch foreign films and like get good food and it was travel and it was like a cool thing to do. - I love that, it's so smart, it's so important. It's so, so, so important. And it's so interesting, American culture is very different than I would say, basically any other culture in the world and you could say it about any culture being a different than any other culture, but I think, you know, European countries specifically are often relatively similar in that if you look in Europe, traveling is so easy. You could go to a different country and get there on a train, no problem, like they all connected through train passes, like traveling is part of European culture, like of all the countries in Europe and in many other places all over the world where it's just traveling is part of what they do. The United States is so big and so isolated and it's not necessarily part of our culture and our culture is generally once you're done with high school, you go to college and then you're done with college and you get a job and it's like, where is the room for travel? Whereas other cultures, it's like, oh no, maybe we're gonna take a year off and we're just gonna go travel this year and we're gonna go like it's so much more ingrained within their culture, there's less of a rat race to be getting paid a certain amount and to be making a certain amount of money by a certain age. It's, and then you wonder why a lot of these countries have a much higher level of happiness reported at like it's, because they're not in this rat race. Travel, you're under 20, under 25, under 30? Travel, travel, travel, you're single, travel, right? You don't have any like crazy obligations, go travel. You're stuck in a job that you don't like and you're young and like, if you're under 30 and you're in a job you don't like, quit it and go travel. Quit, go travel, I know, it's easier said than done. Do it, you won't regret it, you will regret not doing it, I promise you that. - Man, I think we gotta, I think we gotta end it on that. Let's, I don't know on that, on that strong note. - Dude, where are you going next? - Where am I traveling next? - Yeah, oh man, let me think. What month is it? Okay, it is June and my wife is due in August and she's in her third trimester and I don't think I'll be traveling. Oh, you know what? I think in October, October, I'm speaking at an event. I think it's gonna be in Florida, I'm not sure. A Luca Hosevar is hosting an event, that's the next time I'm traveling. But, dude, at this point in my life, like when I travel somewhere, especially for business, I go in and out, almost same there, and out there back there back. It's, I'm at a point where I love being home, I love my home. And not like the actual building that we're in, like not the structure, I actually don't like the rental house that we're in, to be honest, the landlord is not nice, I don't like her. Yeah, but I love being home. I love being with my wife and my daughter and my dog. Like so, I don't, and I was talking to my wife about this recently, I don't think we're gonna take any trips for the, within the next year or so, it's, dude, it's just tough with kids. I know. It's tough. And they're not gonna remember, you know? (laughs) I laugh because there's an amazing, amazing standup comedy with Nate Bargazzi, you know, Nate Bargazzi? I don't. Oh my God, dude, Nate Bargazzi is arguably the funniest man alive right now. I think he's from Tennessee. So he's got this like great little accent. He doesn't swear, and he doesn't, and it's like nothing like dirty or it's like- It's like the Will Smith of comedy, you know? Dude, he, I mean, except he's not smacking people. Well, yeah, that's a dated reference. I rescind my comments, sir. But he's, it's funny. I obviously swear it's part of my personality, and I've got nothing else people who swear. When I look at standup comedians, I actually respect a standup comedian more who doesn't swear because I think it's harder to be funny when you don't swear. And so, dude, he's, he has this whole bit about how, you know, he has kids, and he has a wife, and he has this whole bit about how people will say, wait, why are you taking them to Disney? They're not even gonna remember it. And he's like, what do you want me to do? Will you want me to just lock them in a closet and be like, do you remember yesterday? No, we're staying in the closet. (laughing) - That's actually pretty good. - You know, where it's like so much, I think, of what we do with young kids is actually for us. Like, it's like our memories with them. So, there will be a time soon, but man, when she's two and her sister will be a newborn, like, come on. I'm not, we're not traveling. When they're a little bit older and they have more agency and they can be just independent enough to voice what their needs and desires are. My daughter right now, old Abe, she's just getting to the point where she can voice what she wants and needs. And even then there's still a little struggle. Like, if she wants milk, she can say milk. If she's like, if she wants to watch a certain TV show, like, she loves Minnie Mouse. So, she calls Minnie Mouse Nini, which is just the cutest. So she's like, she likes to watch Minnie. Well, she has her milk. So she'll be like, milk Nini, milk Nini. She wants to have milk and watch Nini. When they get to a point where they can really start voicing it, that's when I think, cool. Now we know what you're trying to say. You don't have to be completely independent, but I just want to be able to travel where you can tell me what you need and I can give that to you or explain why you can't have that right now. And even if it's a little bit of a meltdown, I understand. But traveling with, you know, it's funny. Traveling with just my daughter when she was six months or younger was very easy. We went to Israel, went to Atlanta, went to Boston. Under six months, easy. She was just out. No problem. - She's a stroller. - Yeah. After that, it got very difficult. And with two, I think it's gonna be way more. Like all the respect to these people who are traveling with multiple kids and they're really, you know, like I'm super, super respect. 'Cause that's, it's unbelievably hard. And if we don't have to, then we're not going to. - Yeah. Well, you heard it here, folks. - That's it. Thank you, everyone, for listening. Please, please, please, please, please, leave a five-star review on iTunes or Spotify, wherever you're listening. Please, leave a written review. They are incredibly helpful. The written reviews are even more helpful than this five-star review. And if you could share it, share it on your Instagram stories, tell your friends to listen to the podcast. It helps a lot. Thank you so much for your support. Thank you so much for your encouragement. Thank you so much for listening. Have a wonderful week. I'll talk to you soon. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) [BLANK_AUDIO]