Revering the Word
1 Cor. 7 Sexual intimacy in marriage. Also divorce and singleness. Finally, the challenging topic of remarriage.
Good morning, everyone. This morning, we are in 1 Corinthians chapter 7. In quite a discussion, I believe we're about to have. In some ways, a challenging chapter for a pastor to preach on. There's a couple of things that are challenging about it. This is a lot about marriage, about singleness, even about divorce, about remarriage. Which is a hard topic. The standard in the New Testament is a high one. Then the question becomes, "Well, if someone doesn't live to that standard, what are we to do with that? How are we supposed to respond to that? How would God have us respond to that? Is there grace for when man today doesn't do things the way that God prescribes? What about things that aren't really covered in the Bible? Because there are situations that I think aren't specifically addressed. Are there exceptions to that? How do we seek God's will in that? And how do we respond to those possible exceptions? How do we give ourselves grace and how do we adhere also to the Word of God? You know, I am a pastor who very much desires to honor God's Word. This podcast is called "Reveoring the Word" because I do revere God's Word. So, in some ways, I feel a little contradictory even in myself as I teach on these passages because our culture has become very compromised on divorce and remarriage. And anyways, I'm going to do my best. But I will tell you it's challenging. Another thing that's challenging, a couple things that will come up in this teaching today. One, the Apostle Paul who wrote this was single. Now, we don't know if he was widowed and single or just single. We're not 100% sure on that. But as a result, he seems to have an emphasis towards singleness. And I'm grateful for that for the people who maybe are unmarried. That they have such teaching as the Apostle Paul's here to say, "Life isn't all about marriage. You don't have to be married to serve the Lord. You can be single in some ways that even helps you to honor the Lord." Now, Paul encourages marriage in this chapter as well. But he definitely promotes singleness too. So, that's kind of interesting. The other thing that's interesting about this chapter and it'll come up is that sometimes, and unlike he does in most instances, we believe, I believe, that the Word of God has inspired. It's God breathed, so although Paul wrote, the words are inspired by God. And God was helping the Apostles to write the things they wrote through the power of His Spirit. That's echoed in various passages of Scripture. However, Paul in this particular chapter in specific instances says, "Not I, but the Lord." Meaning that in some areas, it seems like he's interjecting his opinion that he is not claiming is coming directly from God. So, under divine inspiration of the Holy Spirit, because we believe that the Word is, you'd have to say that God is still guiding the things that He wrote. But it's interesting that He does state that a couple times. It makes you question a little bit on those phrases that He says. "This is coming from me and not from the Lord." If we are to look at those as good advice and God still ordained it, but are we to look at that in any different way as we would any other passage where He doesn't say, "Now, this isn't coming from the Lord. This is just coming from me." I don't have a great articulation on that other than I do believe that He's still under divine inspiration. But somehow, it seems like those phrases could be interpreted slightly differently because He seems to be acting with wisdom, but on somewhat of His own will there. You know, all these things, something like that can be debated and I respect opinions both ways on that, but it is interesting, I will say. So, moving on to 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 1. Now, concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. And what He seems to be referring to there is that if you are single and you're unmarried, then you don't need to be sexually intimate with a woman. Paul preaches a very sexually immoral teaching throughout the scriptures. And the Apostle Paul is like, "You don't have to be sexually intimate with people. You can live a life and still have a fulfilling life and not have sex be involved." And that's what Paul seems to be saying here. You know what? If you're single and you're not having sexual relations with someone, that's fine. It's actually good to be able to be focused to God and not have to have sexual involvement with others. However, this is what he says in verse 2. Now remember, the Corinthians were a very sexually immoral culture and he doesn't want that. He doesn't want people living sexually immoral lives and neither does God. And in verse 2 he says, "But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife and each woman is to have her own husband." And so if, you know, I believe it'll be in this chapter, it's definitely spoken in scripture that if a man burns with lust, it's to be better if he marries. So if sexual desire is something that is very strong in you, it's great if you can find a godly woman to marry and then you'll have that opportunity to enjoy sexual intimacy with a woman or with a man, vice versa. But if someone doesn't have that strong desire and it's single, it's okay to be single, praise God. Alright, verse 3. "The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise also," he says it equally here, "the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." Now, what's being said here is that, you know, if you are married, sexual intimacy is supposed to be a part of that marriage. You know, I'm saddened and I have heard it often over, you know, my years as a pastor that there are people who are married and who are sexually inactive in their marriages, and sometimes that can go on a really long time on a dress. And that's not good. Sexual intimacy in your marriage should be a thermometer to your marriage. And if there's no sexual intimacy, the question would be why. And there's going to be some kind of problem or dysfunction, maybe it's health, maybe it's tension in the marriage, maybe it's a lack of love being displayed. And really, if there's no sexual intimacy for a period of time, that's a problem. And it should be recognized that way. And then really what needs to happen is for the husband and wife to come together and seek the Lord together and openly talk together, maybe receive, likely receive counsel and Lord willing, godly counsel. And to find out what's kind of blocking that intimacy, what's preventing it, maybe there's a hurt, maybe there's an unforgiveness, maybe there's a bitterness. But it should be addressed so that sexual intimacy resumes. I think that, you know, typically not always, because I've seen where there's been husbands who haven't been sexually desirous and the woman is, you know, complaining or concerned about there not being intimacy in the marriage. I'd say most of the time I hear about it the other way, where a man's desiring more than the woman desires. But what I would say is, I think that there's a pulse on that as a husband, as a wife. If there's not sexual intimacy, find out why. Usually there's a reason and I really think when both parties are treating one another honorably and with love and valuing one another, I think sexual intimacy will follow health in the marriage. So, you know, sometimes look at yourself if there's a problem with sexual intimacy in the marriage. Let's say you're the one who's desiring more and it's not happening, why is that? What is it that you could be doing or what is something that you could have done that is blocking that intimacy from developing and you may need to, you know, you need to repent, you may need to confess sin, you may need to treat your spouse differently. And so I wouldn't necessarily always start with the person who isn't desiring sexual intimacy. You might want to start also with the person who is desiring more and find out what's going wrong. But it also, I will say this, that it does say that you're not to withhold sexual intimacy from your spouse except for a period of time to devote yourselves to the Lord. So, there should be sexual intimacy in a marriage relationship. That's what a healthy marriage does and, you know, sometimes it might be that the sex is completely mutually enjoyed and sometimes it might be that one is helping provide for the other one because that's something that is done in a marriage relationship. So, I want to encourage marriages to be more sexually intimate, husbands-wise, that is a marital duty that's talked about here. But let's find out what's stopping it as well and let's love one another, cherish one another, honor one another. And I would even say take care of ourselves as well. I think sometimes, you know what's sad, think about this. You see people who are singular, you see divorces, and all of a sudden people are getting in shape and losing weight. And I always think about that and I'm like, why aren't people doing that when they're married? You know, I think it honors your spouse when you take care of yourself while you're married. And say, you know what, I want to prioritize my health for myself, but also for my spouse. And, you know, I get it if someone is single, they want to be attractive and be able to meet someone. But I think just as much or even more so, we should want to be attractive, male or female to our spouses and honor them that way. I think that is something that is important. But anyways, moving on here, verse 6, "But I say this by way of concession, not of command. Yet I wish that all men were even as myself am." He's talking about single. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. Meaning some people are going to feel called the singleness and some people are totally okay with it. And that's great. But if you don't feel called to that and you burn with lust, then, you know, may you find a godly husband or a godly wife. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. And that's why we don't know if whether he was just unmarried or whether he was a widow because he's saying it's good to remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, again, if there's problems with, yeah, this is that passage. But let them marry for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. So it's great to get married and to be able to have a husband or a wife and enjoy sexual intimacy, but don't feel like you have to. But to the married I give instructions, and this is where that phrase comes in, "Not I, but the Lord." Now this one he's saying is coming from the Lord, "That the wife should not leave her husband, but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled her husband. And that the husband should not divorce his wife." So he's saying this is coming from the Lord that you should remain married and if you are unmarried or if you become unmarried then you shouldn't remarry unless you're reconciled to your husband or your wife. And I do believe that this is God's command and this is something that he desires and this would be the way to honor him. He does not like divorce. God does not want people to get married and get divorced. And in a way he wants to make it difficult that to be married and then to get divorced and he doesn't want you to just be going nearly about marriages and re-divorce because he wants you to honor the marriage that you're in and seek to make that work. And so he gives this instruction. Now there's a lot of questions that aren't brought up here. Is this a blanket statement that exists all the time, no matter what? Not of course if someone dies, if a spouse dies, that's covered I believe in the rest of this chapter as we'll come in. But what if there is sexual immorality? The Bible does give a passage that Jesus shared that you can't divorce unless there's sexually immorality. And then if there's sexual immorality you could get divorced. And well in that case if because of sexual immorality you get divorced then can you get remarried. See that's not really specified in here. I would say that the practice of the world and the practice of even the church is to give grace to people and allow them to get remarried if their marriage broke up by sexual immorality. Now what's sexual immorality? That's interesting as well. You know what if someone is a porn addict and they just can't stop and someone gets divorced because of that. Is that sexual immorality? You know giving some grace I think it could be sexual immorality. And you know it's definitely immoral and it's not something that God wants us to do is to be involved with masturbation and porn and all that kind of a thing. So what if that's happening in a marriage? You know it's not good. Let's fix it. Let's stay married and fix it okay. I'm not trying to promote divorce. But here's another question that's not really discussed. What if someone's abusive? Like abusive, significantly abusive. Like drugs, alcohol, just can't stop. You know you've tried over and over and they just continue to be abusive. What if they're physically abusive? What if they've beaten their wife and beaten their wife or husband regularly and they get divorced? Does that person need to remain single forever? Again typically the church gives grace to people in those matters. Here's another question. What if a marriage was brought together and it's totally an un-Christian marriage? Both parties are not Christian and they get divorced almost like their marriage really wasn't centered around Christ from the beginning. What if they now want to get married in a Christian marriage and they want to do it right and they want to honor the Lord? Is that covered? And again typically the church today gives grace to people in those matters. And you know in the Old Testament God didn't like divorce either. But Moses allowed them because of their hardness of heart to give a certificate of divorce. It doesn't mean that it's what God wanted. It doesn't mean that it's what God's instruction is or is ideal. But God seemed to allow it because of their hardness of heart. One of the things that I don't like doing is I don't like when people talk about a prior marriage and it's I don't know it's good we got divorced and it's good we got remarried. You know anytime and I say this with compassion listen I'm not trying to I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings but I don't think we should look at I think we should look at divorce as something that's broken. I think we should look at divorce as something that's sad. I think we should look at our prior and I have not been divorced have been married to one woman praise the Lord. But that we should look at a prior divorce as that's not ideal it's not what God wanted and I wish it wouldn't have been the case. Now when people do get remarried today and let's make even if it's not God's ideal which it's not let's honor him as best we can in the marriages we're in. Let's be devoted to them let's be devoted to God let's not do this again let's not get divorced again. I guess what I'm saying is I don't I don't like that in a sense we've become compromised regarding teachings on divorce I just feel like there's some questions that are unanswered in the Bible. And the question remains this is if God can forgive forgive us of other sin can he forgive us of the sin of divorce and remarriage. And I'd like to say that God's grace covers a multitude of sins yet I don't think we should look at it then as we celebrate you know our prior divorces and remarriages. I think we say you know what I didn't do what was right it didn't go right I feel badly you know about what happened I just want to try to honor the Lord as best as I can moving forward in my life. And I think that's at least an honorable way to address this issue. Alright verse 12 but I say to the but to the rest I say not the Lord. So now listen before in the previous verses 10 and 11 he says but to the myriad I give instructions not I but the Lord. So he says that's from the Lord now he says I'm saying this but not the Lord that's kind of interesting very unique to scripture. Here's what it says that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with them he must not divorce her. So in an unequally yoked marriage here is what's taking place one believes one doesn't but the believer is not supposed to divorce the unbeliever. Now if there was sexual immorality it you know it doesn't mean you have to get divorced but it is a it can be permitted based on that. But otherwise if they want to stay married the unbeliever wants to stay married to the believer the believer is not supposed to divorce them just because they're an unbeliever. And a woman who is an unbeliever who has an unbelieving husband and he consents to live with her she must not send her husband away. Now this and also brings up an interesting question well what if an unbeliever chooses to leave. You're married you're a Christian and your spouse is an unbeliever and they decide to divorce you so they leave. So then question are you permitted to get remarried again I'd fallen the grace of God in that situation and not celebrate the divorce but again that's not specifically covered here. But anyways let's go on for verse 14 for the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife. And what it's what it's saying here is that it's not that someone's saved and it's not that someone's perfectly made holy if they're an unbeliever and they're married to a Christian spouse. But it's possible that through that marriage and through that Christian spouse that that husband or wife who unbelieves could become a believer. Now we're not supposed to marry people by the way I don't believe if you're a Christian that you should marry an unbeliever. Once you're married to them you shouldn't divorce them if they don't if they want to stay with you but I don't think God wants us to marry unbelievers. I think we should seek to be equally yoked in coming together in a marriage. But this is saying that if it were to happen that a believer marries an unbeliever you know Lord willing you help them to come to the Lord and that does happen and praise God that you know something not done right really does work out for good at times. But it says for the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband. Again it's not saying they're saved it's just at least you have a Christian holy influence in your home. And then it says for otherwise your children are unclean but now they are holy. And again it's not saying that your children eventually are going to have to trust in Jesus too but at least the children have one Christian influence in the home. And I believe that's really what the emphasis is there verse 15. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves let them leave. The brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases but God has called us to peace. So if you're in a marriage and someone's an unbeliever and obviously if they're leaving the marriage probably isn't working out well you know you can go along with the divorce. You're not supposed to initiate it but you can go along with the divorce if the unbeliever is choosing to leave the believer. You're not under bondage in such cases but God has called us to peace. So you know apparently that is another permitted way of divorce is the unbeliever wants to leave. For how do you know a wife whether you will save your husband or how do you know a husband whether you will save your wife. Now Lord willing if you are in an unequally yoke situation your spouse will come to the Lord and we should pray for that and earnestly desire that. But it may not happen. Verse 17 only as the Lord has assigned to each one as God has called each in this man or let him walk. And so I direct in all the churches was any man called when he was already circumcised he is not to come become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called in uncircumcision? He is not to become circumcised. So Paul's kind of changing topics to make a similar point to what he's making about marriage. He's saying like if you came to Christ let's say you came to Christ neither one of you were a believer. And now you come to Christ and you're a believer but your husband or wife is not a believer. He's saying well you were married when you came to Christ so just stay married. You know just stay as you are and he's referring circumcision. You know we're not we don't have to circumcise meals don't have to circumcise anymore that was a Jewish thing. We don't have to do it and Paul is saying listen if you came to Christ and you were circumcised great. If you came to Christ and you were uncircumcised you don't need to circumcise yourselves. Today most males are circumcised just because they do that when we're children because they believe it's better for our health. It's been proven to be better for our health. It's interesting that God seems to have known that and when he said to the Jewish people that I want them to be circumcised I mean God probably in the back of his mind said it's going to be healthier for you anyways. But the point is that doesn't get you saved anymore whether you're circumcised or uncircumcised. He's saying you can just stay in the condition you're in when you become a believer. Verse 19 circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing but what matters is keeping the commandments of God which we have to have a New Testament perspective those who have been with us to understand what is enforced today. We have to have a New Testament lens to understand what's binding today and that's not something that matters anymore circumcision or uncircumcision. Each man must remain in that condition in which he was called. Were you called while a slave? Do not worry about it but if you were able also to become free rather do that. Now we're not going to get into a whole discussion about this but slavery existed in the days of the Bible but God's word elevated the status of that significantly. And here he's saying hey if you can become free become free. For whoever for he who was called in the Lord while a slave is the Lord's freed man isn't that interesting. He's saying let's say you were a slave you came to know Jesus Christ as your slave. You're really free in the Lord. You're free from the law. You become a child of God. And likewise he who is called while free is not Christ's slave. And really all of us are to be servants or slaves of Jesus Christ even though we were free. Now we want to serve him. We want to live for our Lord. You were bought with the price we saw this in chapter 6. Do not then become slaves and men. So he is saying listen you know enjoy your freedom be free don't become a slave. Remember God bought you at the price you're now a child of God. Brother in each one is to remain with God in that condition what she was called. Now I don't believe Paul saying he's not that let's say you're single and now you came to Christ that you need to remain single. But what he is saying is that if you're married you know just because you came to Christ don't like divorce your wife. Hopefully you can lead your wife or your husband to the Lord. Now verse 25 now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord but I give an opinion. Now this is again where Paul uses this phraseology. Although I believe he's still under inspiration he's saying this is more coming from him. But I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. He's saying even though this is not coming directly from the Lord so he states he's saying you know what my words are trustworthy because of my relationship with God. I think then that it is good in view of the present distress that it is good for a man to remain as he is. So he is going to promote singleness again and say you know what if you're single then stay single but you don't have to. This is something that Paul I think he favored because he was single and it's definitely not wrong to be single and we're going to talk about that more here. Are you bound to a wife? Do not be released. So here he is saying again if you come to Christ while you're married then stay married. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. He's saying hey maybe you're already divorced as an unbeliever now you've come to Christ you don't need to seek a wife. But he also says here this is an interesting word about remarriage here because he says are you released from a wife meaning sounds like to me that would be from a prior divorce. Do not seek a wife but then he says this but if you marry you have not sinned. That's interesting right? Some people might use that as a means to talk about remarriage and if a virgin marries she has not sinned. Meaning if you came to Christ you're a virgin and you know you end up getting married that's fine you can. Yet such will have trouble in this life and I'm trying to spare you. He's saying here that you know sometimes it can bring more trouble on your life to be married and that probably has been true for some but also marriage can really be a blessing. But this I say brethren the time has been shortened so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they have had none and those who weep as though they did not weep and those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice and those who buy as though they did not possess and those who use the world as though they did not make full use of it for the form of this world is passing away. And that's really interesting the world is changing and the world was changing none. It makes you think in this particular moment which Paul talks about in this book in 1 Corinthians chapter 15 and he says in a moment in the Twinklev and I you know and again if you're pre tribulation you believe that Paul was anticipating a rapture of the church and then a tribulation and then a return of Christ for a thousand years and even then they didn't know when exactly these things would take place and it's almost as though Paul is saying hey listen this stuff could be taking place soon. That's why you know what don't worry about whether you get married or not married because the world's about to change. It seems like Paul could be indicating such a thing as that in those verses. Verse 32 "But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please Lord." And again Paul seems to although condone for sure marriage he seems to think that you know being single is a great thing and that you know it could allow you to serve the Lord better. Verse 33 "But the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried and the virgin is concerned about things of the Lord that she may be holy both in body and spirit but the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband." And you know there's some truth to that that once we're married we you know have to now you know look to please our husbands please our wives and that is important if you're married that is an important thing to look to please your husband and your wife. But he's saying you know what if you didn't have that if you didn't have to please your husband or wife you could just serve the Lord. Verse 35 "This I say for your own benefit not to put a restraint upon you but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord." He's saying it for your own benefit he's not putting a restraint on you saying you can't get married but he's just making the point that singleness can be used for the Lord. Verse 36 "But if a man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly" no this is an interesting passage and it's hard to discern but I tell you what I think it means but if any man thinks he's acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter if she has passed her youth and if it must be so let him do as he wishes he does not sin let her marry. So the acting unbecomingly almost makes it seem like he's you know looking at his own daughter incorrectly but I don't believe that's really what's being said here. What's being said is there's a daughter she's a virgin she's unmarried and Paul just got done talking about the virtue of staying single and serving the Lord and he's saying hey it's okay if you want her to stay single but you know what if she wants to get married it's okay that she gets married also let her go ahead and get married let her do what she wishes it doesn't she does you're not sinning by having your daughter stay single even though you might say hey she can be devoted to the Lord even more than but it's not sinning by saying no honey you found a good man go ahead and get married. But he who stands firm in his heart being under no constraint but has authority over his own will has decided this in his own heart to keep his own virgin he will do well and that's that's interesting you know it's almost as though the husband no excuse me the man of the house there it could you know could say honey I don't know if it's God's will for you to get married maybe you're just supposed to serve the Lord and he's putting some discernment on that in the father but he goes on to say in verse 38 so then both he who gives his own virgin daughter and marriage does well and he who does not give her in marriage will do better so you know if the virgin daughter stays unmarried and serves the Lord great but if she gets married great too can't imagine being that father who has a daughter who wants to get married and withholds marriage from her although if it's some creep who's she's going to be unequally yoked to I could see why a father might want to do that a wife is bound as long as her husband lives but if her husband is dead she is free to be married to whom she wishes only in the Lord so here there it is that verse again now it seems as though it's saying that you know yes you know unless the husband priest husband dies she's not supposed to marry someone else however you know that's a pretty clear statement however what do we do about abuse what do we do about sexual immorality and the permissive that divorce was permitted based on those issues that's not really covered specifically in that verse it depends if you want to look at that verse 39 is a blanket statement or if you think some of the other things that are spoken in the Bible again in this chapter it's like what if an unbeliever wants to leave so in that case then is a woman or a man not able to get remarried you could interpret 39 to say listen unless they die you stay single forever but I think there's some questions that we have in scripture again I think we rely on the grace of God and I think if you're married honor the Lord in your marriage verse 40 but in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is meaning if the woman remains single and I think that I also have the spirit of God so even though he was saying in some of these things he was acting in his own opinion and not necessarily the Lord's he's saying well listen I know I have the spirit of God so I believe I'm giving you good advice that listen to remain single and be able to serve the Lord is a good thing so wow that is a lot to cover and you know it's a it's a challenging passage I think we should seek to honor the Lord you know and honor what he said in this chapter and I know that many times we and even in the church have not gone to a strict adherence to God's word I would say there are some grace for different interpretations based on passages regarding an unbeliever living regarding sexual immorality and God permitting divorce or even the fact that God sometimes allowed in the Old Testament divorce because of their hardness of hearts it's not that he's saying it's good it's not that he's saying I desire it but sometimes I think we fall on the grace and mercy of God for what we have done wrong in our lives and God who is rich in mercy I do believe can forgive us so you know with some reluctance with some challenges as a pastor who wants to honor God's word and sometimes wondering if if I'm compromising when I touch base on these passages it's it's challenging I will say God we need you we need your wisdom we need your guidance we need your strength and we also need your grace and we're thankful for all those things we love you God it's in Jesus name we pray amen. - Amen. 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