Marriage Works If You Work It Podcast
Dealing With Separation
dealing with separation. And that's a tough topic for a lot of people. And so we discussed it, but today I wanted to discuss kind of a piece of it. And that's kind of dealing with separation. Now, separation can be legitimate. We don't live in the same house. We were married, and now we're not. It can mean for us, some of our separations were literally, he wasn't in our house. Some of our separations were literally, he left me, the kids, and every other responsibility we had and was in another state. I had no contact with him with Gerald at all. And then I'm going to say maybe the worst separation was us actually living in the same house, but not communicating. Yes, yes, yes. So not communicating, but living in the same house, or communicating difficulty, or ignoring one another, or giving each other the cold shoulder, or [INAUDIBLE] OK, we're talking marriage, right? So if you're not married, these are some of the things that you can try your best to avoid. Any type of separation is difficult. And so why we discuss what we discuss is to help people. The second of what we're talking about today is surviving separation. Surviving the ability to separate. And how we do that is making sure we worry about what would you say one of the biggest ways to survive separation would be. This is almost like an interview, because you're not right here. Really kind of focus on your self evaluation, relation, your relationship with us to be able to literally deal with what you're dealing with. Because I'm getting loneliness and anxiety. All of these things try to come at you and literally the thing that the Bible says is that you have to bring it to him. And I would suggest that spending the focus and that time on your relationship with God. And that would-- that you would be able to prepare for what's getting ready to change or whatever God has stored for you. But focusing on-- it says, "Seeky for King." OK. We seek you for-- I mean, that place is-- I get it. Sometimes it's hard. But I mean, God will never give us more than we can bear. And so that's what I would suggest. OK. I wasn't-- I wasn't in a place where I had to use that. I was in a place where I was trying to ignore God. OK. And on separation, I wasn't trying to see him, so he could go back. But when I got to the place of going back, I had to realize that I had to focus on him. He was like, I need you to focus on me. And then when I got back on, it was now focused on what I've done and hurt. So you can really believe that it works. I get that. So everybody's making new suggestions. So we're-- if I turn mine down, can you guys still hear me? I get my earbuds. All right. So we're just trying to make this work if it doesn't work. We'll make this short. But a lot of times, people will ask us about, you know, how did you survive when things were very, very challenging with the kids, with finances? And let me say that we were in-- this is our situation. So everybody's situation can be different. We're not saying we have all of the answers. We just love to share. Actually, God asked us to share our experiences. And then your goal is to really take these things to God for yourself. If you happen to be in this situation, you may never be in this situation. And our goal is to help people either get out of the situation faster than we did, or maybe get to a place where not-- you would never have to be in this situation. For those who are already married and our prayer is, you would never have to be in this situation. But for me, I had to really, really concentrate on number one. My healing-- and people talk-- hear us talk about that all the time. But today, I started talking to one of our clients. And I actually focused also, not only on healing, but my level of compassion. And God was so intentional with me with our separation. First, get yourself together a bit. Here's the Word of God. Here's how you worship. Here's how you pray. Here's what my Bible says. Here's what my Word says about who you are. But one pivotal part of our survival, of our separation, was my being able to be compassionate. And let me tell you, I thought I was compassionate until we separated. I failed out the hard way. I wasn't all that compassionate. So I really thought because a lot of stuff was being done to me that kind of excluded me from having to be compassionate. So what-- and so I don't know in terms of how you felt. But I didn't realize how much you had gone through, even though we've known each other since we were teenagers. I didn't realize some of what had happened to you in your past, how much it affected our relationship. And until I healed, I didn't care. I honestly was like, I don't get what it went through. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I know in our counseling and in our coaching, our online coaching, any of it in our mentoring, a lot of times that's the truth. We lose compassion when we're hurting. We lose compassion when we're hurting. So for me, once I started being compassionate, honestly, people thought I was crazy. They thought I was weak. They thought I had lost my mind because I was becoming more compassionate. And I actually seen things like, you know, this is what God asked me to do, or this is what God said. You was becoming more like Christ. Because it was compassion. You had to decrease so he can increase. And if we don't-- if you think about what Jesus did, the compassion he had to show to people that hated him, didn't like him, trying to kill him, trying to mistreat him, all of these things. And he wanted to just-- he just wanted to show them some more love. I'm like-- and when you was in that place where you were showing compassion, and you said something a second ago, that when you're in your hurting place, it's like, whatever, I don't know about Kevin, about all that, bruh. You didn't hurt me and Wookie Woot. I don't want to hear all that. But when we're saying that we're going to be like Christ, when we're saying that Christ lives us in us, and we live in Christ, that place of compassion, how much compassion God had to show to send his only begotten son to pay a price for us. When I get to my place where-- and you tell me that a lot, because I have to realize that I have to show a lot of compassion, because a lot of compassion was shown to me. And sometimes it's-- I don't see it, and it seems like it's difficult. But when you remind me-- and I thank God that you remind me of the compassion that I have to give, even with the grace that you have to give, that to forgive, the things that has hurt you, the things that have caused you to actually open your mouth and say, I don't care nothing about all that. I want this to happen. So some of that stuff, we have to-- I find myself going back when I remember it. I have to go back and renounce it. Well, I've got to go back and cancel it, because if I don't, it still holds effect. You know what I mean? Because if you're speaking lessons, you want the blessings. But if you're speaking a negative thought, a speaking a negative thing, because we're dealing with a hurt place. And God says, I want you to show more compassion. Why you hurt? That's almost like somebody cussing you on. You know what I'm saying? It's like somebody's like, are you serious right now? You telling me, this person just hurt me. But you telling me, I'm going to need to show more compassion in a place where someone hurt me? But think about it. It's what Jesus did. So a lot of people will say, yeah, Jesus did it. How do I do it? You know, how do I do it? And for me, one of the things that God did for me was he not only started-- I started worshiping. I started praising. But I had to also start to learn about deliverance. And one thing about learning about deliverance helped me. Learning about deliverance helped me realize, wait a minute, some of the behavior that I was experiencing from you had roots in things that happened to you. And I don't know if that would make a difference for everybody, but for me, what made a difference for me was I could stop thinking you were only trying to hurt me. One time, there was a trigger when God said, he's hurting me, too, and I still love him. He's hurting me, too, and I still love him. So I was like, oh, he's like, this is against me, not you. This is against his own body. He's doing things that actually hurt him. So when I opened myself up, for me, I started listening to what God said. I started being open to the things God showed me, and God would start to show me, almost like a bird's eye view. God would say, now, remember, he's been rejected, so he's rejecting. Now, I'm not saying that made it feel better because it didn't. But when I understood some of the things you went through, then it helped me understand why you were doing what you were doing. And when I understood why you were doing it, I learned how to pray against it. And once I learned how to pray against it, when I saw you, I looked at you differently. I treated you differently. I thought about you differently, and that made a big difference, I think, for me. But only you can say whether or not it made a difference for you. Oh, no doubt. It made me see things differently. It made me feel different. And that was the place where God said, just pay attention. Just look and see the change. And because he was asking me to look, and I started paying close, really close attention to what you were doing. And even the times I knew you, it was really real, is when I was trying to make you snap or trip or whatever. I was trying to make you do it, and you wouldn't do it. And I'm like, see for real about this thing, this, God, this is really, really a change. This is not something that you just play around with. This is really a change. And so when I saw you doing it and you start walking this thing out, it's like, wow, I really see what you're talking about. I really see that she's showing even compassion when you-- when I know these things make you go off or make you want to point your finger and do all of that stuff. And you ain't going to vote no while all of that stuff. And you ain't doing it, and I'm thanking him. This is really, she's now walking out the bike. You know what I mean? You are like a-- everybody said, I want to be a living a person, we speak that, we say that. But do we really, really, really, really walk that walk? You know what I'm saying? Now, I can honestly say, you have taught me how to walk that walk and be cutting. Some people say, well, I don't feel like I should have to. If you don't, then who will? Who's going to help them? Who's going to show them? Why not you? Why not you? You would do it to a perfect stranger. But what's the bigger effect than doing it to someone that despitefully use you? The one that calls you to walk in a level of unforgiveness or to be angry and all of this stuff? What would be a better witness to than that person or a person you don't even know? It's easy to witness to a perfect stranger. But let's witness to the one that you see every single day. That's what you did for me. You didn't have to witness a preach to a stranger. You was witnessing a preaching in your own home. You was showing me and giving me an insight of what this looked like. And so when I hear you teaching and I hear you pouring into these ladies and pouring into your clients, and they got to understand that you real about this, you 100 about this, you ain't, you don't compromise. You ain't, you're not trying to scapegoat it. You're not trying to find a gray area. And you're teaching people not to find gray areas. There's no gray area in this walk. It's either you go do it or you not go do it. You know, ain't no need to waste in time about it. You can talk about it and say, well, well, what about this? What about the, that's wasting time. That's trying to find a gray area. And you have been literally programmed to find cracks, find, you know, that's a gift, that's an anointing that most people probably don't like. But you know what though? It has saved your life. It has saved your life. And that's what, that's what you have done for me. You remember how you used to say, you're my lifesaver? You was like my lifesaver, even in high school. And you didn't even know the type of trauma that I was dealing with in high school when it was a time where I spent all the, all the times on the phone with you. I was, I was stalking you, whatever you want to call it. Yeah, all of that. Just, just doing all of these different things. But I wasn't thinking about suicide. I wasn't thinking about death. I wasn't thinking about, you know, loneliness. I wasn't thinking about abandonment. I wasn't thinking about that. And as soon as you left to go to school, all that stuff came back. Like, boom. And then my whole life altered again. So for, for those two years that we had built our friendship, my life was, was like at a good place. And I didn't, I didn't have, I didn't know any of that until I got to deliver and was able to see my past, seeing the things that, like the traumas that I had that I didn't know, the things that I had that I didn't know. You know, people are dealing with things. And the things that they're, they're doing, some of this stuff been set up while it was a thief, you know? And you've been, you have been chosen, you say I'm the chosen one when it's good. But why you ain't the chosen one, when you got to go, you got to help somebody come out of something. You the chosen one, when it's time for you to stand in the gap for somebody, the ones that the Bible says, pray for them that they're spitefully use you. You know, what does your prayer sound like when you pray for somebody that misuses you? Are you praying for that person? How is that prayer? Is it constantly delivered them, changed them, fixed them, do it all together and with an attitude with it? I didn't see that with you. And I'm just, it's just you ask me, what can I pray for? I mean, and you say it like so sweet, how can I pray for you? What do you want me to pray for? Yes, and I'm like, is he being, is he trying to trick me or something? You know what I'm saying? - Yeah, because for a long time, I wasn't doing that. And so there were years, I didn't get it. I didn't understand the compassion level had gotten to where it needed to be in order to continue. And someone asked a question, you know, how do you know you have to do this? How do you know God wants you to do it? The reality is, I had to heal first to hear what God was asking me to do. And even once I heard what God asked me to do, I also knew God said I didn't have to. But God is a God that is such an amazing father that he will tell you what his will is, but he still gives you a choice to do it or not do it. And that, that wasn't-- - He gonna make you do it. - 'Cause I was like, oh, well, I don't have to do it. Then okay, I won't. But the reality is I had to then realize, oh my goodness, every time I get in his present, I can still feel what he felt for you. I can still feel what he wanted me to do. And I had to stop and realize, okay, God, you want me to do this. So this is your perfect will. All right, then I'm gonna do it. And that meant, oh, I didn't like what, you know, I didn't like what he was asking me to do. Let's get, let's, you know, we always, we are. - Let's get that clear right there. - Like, we're so transparent. We're not trying to like, oh, it was easy, not. Oh, I liked it, did. Oh, I just loved him so much. And it was, it was, it was like, oh, I started in my eyes, I got stars in my eyes now 'cause he's so amazing. And he's always been amazing. But the reality is a lot of the stuff he was doing, not so amazing. And when that was happening, we're on it. When that was happening, what did I have to do? I had to think about how amazing God is. See, there is a way, I had to realize Jesus is amazing. My relationship with God is amazing. Who I am in Christ had to be amazing. It, it, my relationship when God was, was talking to me and, and he said, "Love in somebody that loves you back." A sinner can do that. - That's easy. - That's easy. - That's easy. - Hey, that's easy. - You're not, you're not. - That's easy. (laughing) - Come on, man. - What's wrong with this? - No, no, I was, I was the sinner, babe. I was the sinner, I was doing it. - The Bible, the Bible. - I was the back slider. - But if you let, Holy Spirit will talk to you, if you let him, God corrects those he loves. And he was correcting me. It was like, oh, you loved him when he were in high school and he was, you know, all sweet and chasing after you. And you loved him when he was doing it. Oh, and now all this stuff he's doing, now you don't love him. You want to let him go and I'm like, yeah. - What's up with that? - That's right. - That's right. - That's right, that's right, that's right. - Yeah, oh yeah. Come on, Holy Spirit, come break. That's not bad. - Break it all back. - Oh, you don't, oh, you don't love me now? What's up? Oh, you was loving me then. Oh, you don't love me now? I didn't get a little addicted about it, you know what I'm saying? (laughing) - You're so silly. (laughing) - Oh, that's crazy. And we tried to make light of things and help people get through it because it's painful. I had years, just so many years of just being in a situation where I felt like my heart was gonna cave in. And then I had to realize God is a healer. I was not tapping into God being my healer because I was so addicted to the pain. I was like, well, he's hurting, so I got to be in pain. And then I'm telling the whole world, not the whole world, but just too many people. (laughing) All that, you know, I'm like, this too hard. Okay, God, what can I do? He was like, now, now you wanna talk to me good. Let's worship. I can heal your heart. I serve the great healer. If I truly believe that, like I was preaching and teaching, then why did not go to him to heal? He had saying, I'm right here. I can't heal you. There's nothing that I'm gonna ask you to do, that I'm not gonna provide a way for you to do it. So when I tapped into the way he asked me to do it, what it meant was I had to go to him to heal, and then the compassion all of a sudden just, oh, just welded up on the inside of me, and he started revealing like your hurt. He started revealing like your pain. And all of a sudden I'm like, oh my God, he needs me. He needs healing. He don't need me. He needs you, God, you know, it was a lot of that. So I just, I just, you know, when we talk about stuff like this, it's that, it's that for me to really get people to understand how important it is to have compassion, but first go to God for healing and realize he wants to heal. - Got to get healed so you can heal. Listen, if you ain't healed, it makes it easy for you to say, I ain't doing this, or you can verbally say you're gonna do it, but your actions are gonna be far from it, or you're not gonna be consistent in doing it because you really haven't gotten healed so you can actually help the other person. And so here is that time period between when I was gone. You were hearing God and God says, I need you to do this. I need you to do this. I need you to do this. He was giving you like these specific instructions. At the time, I don't know because, you know, we talk about it a little bit, but during this time period, God was fixing you, mending you, healing you, restoring you that when I walk back into this house, now I'm coming back into this house like Godzilla. I ain't walking back into this house like, y'all, we say the product of the sun. I'm like, oh, okay. I wasn't coming back and here all repented and saying, oh, I'll go eat with the slaves. I went that way with my mentality. That was how I came back in. I came back in with the same street demons and trying to make her break, trying to make her do all of this. So no, I didn't come back into the place. I didn't come back into the home in a place of truth. I came into the place where, okay, God, you got me. Now I'm back. Okay, let's see what you got going on. You know, I'm in that place. But he told me to, he said, I'm gonna show you how to love again. And so I had to watch her. I had to keep my eyes on her. Now I was looking at her because I wanted to make sure it was real. But because she had made it real, she hadn't got healed. She got, and she didn't even know she was helping me. I didn't even know she was helping me because I was still trying to get my deliverance. You know, trying to just trying to get some deliverance. You know what I mean? Then did, but the atmosphere was so doggone conducive to deliverance. It was like, man, I'm telling all my business. I'm wide open. It was like, that was the first time I was able to say, hey, listen, I got stuff going on in my head. Man, I got pornography running through my head while you talking to me. This thing, this thing, this thing, good. But I was able, that was the breaking point. That was like, ooh, I could actually open my mouth and say that to it. Now, but in the back of my mind, it's saying how you think she feel when you tell her that you dealing with pornography. It's probably gonna take her and loop her and do all of this stuff, but you didn't even show it. It was like, you was like, okay, let's pray. Okay, then I started saying lay hands on my head and cancel things off of my head. Now I'm asking for help. You see what I'm saying? So it was like level layers of deliverance, but it became a place where if you didn't get healed, then you wouldn't have been able to help me because I would have just saw the same person. I would have saw the same old result, the same old thing. I wouldn't have never said it. I would have kept to myself the visions of pornography. I wouldn't have never said help my heart. I wouldn't have never said lay hands on my head and help me with what I'm saying. I wouldn't have never said that. So when you got to the plate, when you had your time with God, people said, "Well, what am I gonna do? I haven't seen my husband in 50 years?" You know, whatever the time period is. It's like in that time period, God is literally trying to do something. He's not just, you just sitting in this time idle. It's like, okay, are you gonna tap into me for this time period? Not focus on me and not focus on your situation. So I can make sure that you're prepared. So when I make a change and I bring a shift to your situation, then you're gonna be able to handle it. I don't know how many people didn't get healed and didn't get help. But then the spot, that's probably why we get all these, I think they call it false stars or something in their nature. I think that's what they call them. When they come in and they leave again, I guess that's what happened. But that's that place, that's that place. But we can say it's the other person. You see what I'm saying? But if God is looking at it, then is it you not able to witness to the person that I brought in front of you that changes their lives? Because as the body of Christ and as a believer, themselves, yourself, we're supposed to be in his image and likeness. We're supposed to be disciples. We're supposed to go in disciple. But the first place we got a disciple is our own home. If somebody ain't saved, how we gonna get them saved? What does our lifestyle look like that they don't even want to get saved? I don't care if whatever they is. But I really believe that if we operate and tap into who God really is and what God really wants, that everything that changes. God is able to do exceedingly abundantly. God is able to do the impossible. God is able, he's the creator, the supreme creator. I mean, if we say these things about other things, why I remember you said, you said every now and then, now, oh God, this one, you can't change him. You can't fix him. It's just like that. Look at your boy now. Look at me now, babe. Look at me now. Look at me now. So I know God is able to do what he said he would do. I know he said that he can change your man's heart. He can change your man's heart. He can change your man's heart. And it's when a man's heart gets hardened. Everything, everything is dark. They hear our perspective is differently. We hear things differently. We see things differently and we think about things differently. And it's not always, it's not good. And so when God says, I want to suffer their heart, that means they're getting ready to go into a tender place, a tender place where they're just, they're vulnerable. But they want to know, is it a safe place that I can unleash what I need to unleash? I can talk about what I need to talk about. I can say what I need to say. You created that for me, that. You created it. But he said, create an atmosphere that's conducive to deliverance. I don't know if you knew what it meant. But what it meant was, it was giving me an opportunity to feel safe enough to talk to you about something. Feeling safe enough to be able to confide in you and know that you'll be able to, you can take it. You know what I'm saying? - And I think people ask all the time, well, while I'm hurting, while I'm hurting, how do I make that atmosphere conducive? And it's a long, it can be. I won't even, I won't even put that on people because God can do things instantly. Sometimes it's a long process. For me, I healed and prepared the house at the same time. So some of the things that God asked me to do for you really helped me. Like as I was worshiping to help me, the atmosphere in the house was that of worship. When I was anointing your pillow, I got the anointing oil in my hand and I'm praying over myself. When I was reading the word and studying the word concerning healing and bitterness, I was canceling assignments of bitterness off of my heart. Then God, when God showed me you had a heart and heart, I already knew certain scriptures because I was taking care of my own heart. So really the focus started on me and understanding what God was saying to me, then he started showing me authority. Now I'm like, oh, well, I'm canceling rejection 'cause I was rejected. I felt abandoned by you. I felt rejected by you. So I'm canceling rejection. I'm canceling rebellion even in my life because rebellion was active because I knew what God wanted, but I was like, no, not doing it. So there were things that I started learning and that's why I'm so passionate about teaching people spiritual warfare because in the beginning, I just didn't know it. I didn't know how to be a help me. I didn't know what my authority was as a help me. I didn't know how to cast out demons and pull down strongholds. And when I learned how to pull down strongholds with me, then that meant, you know, when I was with you, it became something I knew how to do. It became something I was better at. It became something I had more authority in. So creating the atmosphere really was about doing more of what God said to you. And that's something that people can legitimately do because there's an expectation that people who love God will act like they love God. And I understand when you're hurt, you feel like you're justified. But really, there's nothing in the word of God that will allow us to make excuses. I constantly gave God all these, well, this happened. And he take me back to the scripture. Well, he did this. Take me back to the scripture, God's not changing his word for our circumstances or his word to make us feel better. He's changing his, he's giving us ways to feel better in him, but he's not going to shift his word. So he kept being persistent with his word. Holy Spirit was like, no, I want you to forgive him. No, I would like for you to love him. I know he said this, but when you said this back, I wasn't pleased with that. And then I just had to realize, okay God, show me what I need to do. So it was a process. It was different. It took a long time. You know, there were manifestations periodically, but for the most part, there's a long, long time with absolutely no manifestation. But God said, well, are you doing it for the manifestation? Are you doing it because I said so? - See, there's the place right there. Most people want to say, well, how long did you have to do this? How long do I feel like, how long do you think I want to do this, until you get that spirit away from you? Because when God is trying to do something, it has to be purehearted. It can't be an alternative motive of why you do something. Jesus. - It can't be an alternative motive when you're trying to do something. And I had to learn at the hard way. I was trying to do trickery to get what I want. That's witchcraft. But if you operate, if you're playing around with an alternative motive of why you want something to be, I need him to be like this, or I need her to be like this because I'm hurting. - All of that stuff's supposed to be going to die. It's not supposed to be transferred to the other person. I want them to feel the way I feel. You know what I'm saying? It's like a tick for tick. You hurt me, I want to hurt you. That's what the street does. That's what society does. But in the kingdom, it's not that. It's, you have to forget the stuff that happened yesterday. It says forgive, forgive 70 times seven in a day. It's like, who jacks up that many times in one day? Somebody had to do it and it was in the Bible. So somebody had to do it. So it's like, they did it once or twice, but it says 70 times seven. Okay, we're not going to forgive. We're not going to forgive on that place. And I used to, and I was a grudge holder because I was holding grudges against you. You know, if you pointed your finger at me, that was going to be like a long, long time. I'm, man, you know, she pointed her finger and then she know how I hate that. She pointed her finger and then sometimes you want to, you know, you want to touch me with the finger. And I'm like, this woman attached me with the finger. She don't like that. But then you got delivered from the finger touch the finger. You got delivered from the facial expressions. Then it looks like, looks different to you. You know what I'm saying? And now it's no alternative motive. It was like, bruh, I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this cause God told me to do it. And as long as I'm doing it for God and I'm doing it the way God wants you, you happen to be benefiting. You're getting the benefit of what I'm going through, this torch I'm going through because yeah, it torches the flesh. It comes against the flesh. It comes against your natural mindset. It comes against your emotions. It comes against your feelings. It comes against that. But God, it's like I'm trying to crucify all that anyway because if I can crucify that, that you can get to the place of the 70 times seven. You can get to the place of I forgive and I'm not holding the grudge. I'm not being revengeful. I'm not being a fault fighter. I'm not being a accuser. I'm not being all of these things. If you sit back and you think about when you have conversations, either to God or to somebody else, what does it sound like to God? Does it sound like you complaining? Does it sound like you fault finding? Does it sound like you griping? Does it sound? I mean, just either record yourself and listen to it because he reminds me of that all the time. Are you being compassion and then I know what I'm really not because he give me confirmation, babe. You gotta be more compassionate. You gotta show more, Greg. Then you give a plea to that. You're like, babe, you gotta be more compassionate. And that's what I, but here's the situation, babe. When you do stuff like that, I don't hear you, I hear God. And that's how he changed the way I found to love you because I wasn't seeing the fact I was seeing the thing God created. And so I was seeing the God in you that drew me to the God that's in me to get a little stronger. And then I was able to beat my flesh and then now I'm able to not only beat my flesh, but to now be stronger enough to pour back into you for all the times that you had to pour into me. For the years you had to pour into me. For the years you had to pour into a pillow. No doubt, no doubt, no doubt. And that's, that I mean, and that to me is the exceeding abundantly, because once God was pleased, it was hard, but I was good with doing it. I had gotten to a place where I was secure in doing it, even though, you know, I didn't get anything in return. 'Cause he was sharing, you know, I could tell when I prayed he was pleased. I could tell when I went into my secret place, there was something else and I was growing in my relationship. And so to me, even though other things had manifested, it hurt, but I knew what to do. It frustrated me, but I knew what I was supposed to have. But when you started getting delivered, that to me started being my exceeding abundantly. When you started, you know, walking in your purpose, that was like, whoa, when we started reconciling with the children and now going into ministry, all of this was like, it is like well beyond. So I encourage people not to make these, you know, if you have high expectations of what God can do, but you don't set your path based on seeing those things. You set your sight on what God is gonna ask you to do and how God is pleased. And then get to a point where you're strong enough that, you know, 'cause faith is about, you know, not what you see, but what the word of God says. And it is tough, it is difficult. So I just, we encourage people in today's, you know, Friday night by the fire, obviously is a little bit different, but our goal today was, there are ways to handle separation God's way. Nobody should have to go through difficult things. We're not justifying adultery. We're not justifying drugs, alcohol, you know, mistreating people, no one's justifying it, but compassion doesn't justify. Ooh, if I could just teach right there. Compassion doesn't mean you justify. 'Cause people would say, if you do that, he's just gonna do whatever he wants. Guess what, he did. He did whatever he wanted for many, many years, whatever he wanted, and God was like, "Don't leave him alone, don't judge him, love him." Oh, hey, he is acting a, what did I say? You know, so they'll get, they'll ask me like, "I do that, he'll never come back." So I get that question a lot too. Why would he, why he'll just do whatever he wants, he'll never come back. Like, he ain't there now, he ain't there right now. It don't matter, if God, if this person is going to give their life to Christ, it's gonna be because they want to get their life to Christ. Now, you're not gonna manipulate. Trust me, I'll try. You know, oh, you can get out, you can do that. Then I gotta go pray, and no good and well God's not pleased. Like, forget the fact that I was happy. 'Cause I was like, he's gone, I'm doing this, I'm doing that and I'm, I go to pray. And God is like, this is not making me happy. So, yeah, you don't see, might do some things that you wish they hadn't done, but people are gonna do what they're gonna do. Like, I couldn't control you. You know, and God said, stop trying to control him, that's manipulation. I'm not asking you to control them, I'm asking you to love. - It's crap. - I'm not asking you to control them, I'm asking you to please me. So, is there a fine line between the, trying to control and what did you just say, love? - I think that there's a fine line between the world tells us that we should put our foot down, or, you know, don't let them come and go. Did I like it? No, not at all. In fact, people with that, I was nuts. I thought it was nuts, but, you know, when I prayed, God was like, yeah, let them go. Let them come and go. What? If he doesn't call you, don't call him, leave him alone. Don't check his phone, don't ask him where he's been. I'm like, no, I wanna know where he's been, I wanna know where he's with, you know, all of these questions that God was like, but that's not compassionate, and that's not showing love, and here's the deal. He wanted you saved. So, he's like, if you do that, he's not gonna come back. And I'm like, I don't care if he comes back. Go to sleep, can't sleep, 'cause here's Holy Spirit. Wake me up. I wanna save, I wanna deliver, I wanna set free, and I'm like, are we gonna hear again? And now I got to worship, now I got to pray. Now I got to fix, 'cause I made you mad, and you say you're not coming back, I gotta go through all this stuff that God told me not to do. He's, now he warned me, but I'm doing what he wants to do, and now I got to work y'all all the way, 'cause of course, now you lose trust in me, now you don't wanna be around me, now your heart is getting hardened, and God was like, it's not that I wanna hurt you, and it's not that I'm justifying the hurt, it's that his heart is hard, and I need his heart to soften. So, if your words can help soften his heart, if your words can drive him back to me, if your, the way you can bring him to his knees, if the way you talk to him causes him to love me again, causes him to know I'm real again, causes him to listen to my voice again, it's all worth it, 'cause I'll heal you, I can heal hurt, he had already proven to me, he could heal my hurt, he could, he could deal, I could deal with embarrassment, all of that, but could he get your soul that was top priority? I was top priority, and that's where I learned more compassion, because I was like, God, you love him, like I get it, you love him, and that's when, you know, the compassion really hit my heart, then I asked you one day, what did you want me, you know, did you want me to pray for you, or what did you want me to pray, and you said pray, pray that my heart is not hard, I promise you we almost ricked in that car, I promise you I was driving, I remember it like it was yesterday, we were driving, and you said that, and I'm like, God, it's like, don't look at him, I was like, what if the world doesn't happen? And God said, he's looking for it. - And then you dropped me off to the spot. It's already embarrassing enough, don't look at him, he's already embarrassed, that was enough, I'm like, oh my Lord, breakthrough, but that had been after probably forever, it seemed like, but then I saw something, well, of course that same day, you acted a plump, like it was almost like, it never happened, you acted a plump. (grunting) I'm like, what the? God was like, but, but, it's happening. It's happening, and you know what? It did, little by little, day by day, but God kept saying, if you do things and measure them by his behavior, you're not gonna make it. You're not gonna make it. And many times I didn't make it, and then God was like, get back up, I got you, get back up, I'm gonna give you some strength, get back up, he gave me favor in other areas, get back up, he like, enveloped me and holy spirit, get back up, and I was able to do it, and I was able to do it now, now I get revenge on the enemy by teaching other people, so it doesn't take as long. It honestly doesn't take them as long. - That's the key right there, is being able to, and the reason you had to go through all of the stuff that you go through, is to be able to literally take back what the enemy has stolen from so many different people, so many different families, and cause shit wrecker families, shit wrecker marriages, shit wreck. And so, when you go back to seeing what you said about how people look at what's looking at the situation, if you base your whole life on what somebody else is feeling, and how people don't look at what you're supposed to be doing, and why are you doing what you're supposed to be doing, then you'll be swayed by them, and you're not swayed by what God, you're not focused on what God is saying, you're swayed by what man is saying, and how man feels about what you're doing. That has absolutely no bearing on what God has asked for you to do. You can listen to somebody and let them bamboozle you, or trick you, or cause you to be in a situation longer than you want to, because you're looking for someone to cosign your feelings, cosign your actions. But God already knows your feelings, and the first thing he says is bring that stuff to me, not take it to somebody so somebody can give you a word on it, or give you a cosign that you should feel this way, or why you allow in this person to make you feel bad, or do whatever it is you're gonna do, but when God tells you to do something, there's really a purpose for everything that he asked, he asked for us to do, and so when you're teaching this, when you was going through this, you didn't see this, you didn't see this army, you didn't see this broadcast, you didn't see these people, you didn't see these messages, you didn't see these YouTube's, you didn't see any of this stuff, you just saw what God said for you to do, and said, God says, now I'm gonna use this, see that I'll never try to use this for back, and try to destroy you, but I'm gonna show you that if you actually do this, not only are you gonna sanctify your house, but I'm gonna have you to sanctify other houses, because I'm gonna raise you up, for you to be able to raise up other ones, to take back what the enemy has tried to steal from them, for all of these years, some people been at a dysfunction and broken marriages, and they bloodline for a long time, but see, here's the situation, they come, they have a lot of people that we minister to, or we counsel, or we coach, they say, I heard your voice, and so there was a time when I'm able to cover you, I'm always saying that they hear her voice, that her voice is being echoed in homes, echoed in people's minds, because if you catch what I call, and you see what I see, and you understand the teaching that I understand, that I was able to witness, that I was able to see, then I'm seeing the manifestations of what I declared over her, she's walked this thing out, because God asked her to walk it out, and now he's sending her into, and I used to say, babe, you're gonna see me, and every man, woman in child's world, that you're gonna be able to teach and train these people. It wasn't just women, it was just people to hear and obey God, the way they supposed to obey God, not just when it's comfortable for me. That's one thing about you, you are not gonna compromise on God's work. If anybody know her, the first thing she gonna say is, what did God say? You might ask a thousand questions, but she gonna always come back to you. What did God say? And you gonna sit there be like, oh my God, are you gonna just talk about what God says? Yes, because that's all that matters. It doesn't matter what someone else is saying to you. It matters what God is saying to you, because here's the situation. You're preparing them for the question that God's gonna ask them at the end. And honestly, for the question God asked us that don't have anything to do with marriage, because now I'm realizing it didn't have any, it didn't, you know, the marriage did repair, and we did reconcile, and I'm grateful for that. But I see every day that the obedience and the discipline and the stamina had nothing to do with the marriage. It had to do more with knowing the voice of God, knowing what God is asking, and you have to heal so you can hear the voice of God. And if you don't know the voice of God, you've got to heal enough to hear, because we all are able to hear the voice of God. Now, the problem is when we hear the voice of God, we usually can hear, but because it doesn't line up with our own mind, it doesn't line up with someone told us, it doesn't line up with something that's easy, we'll say we didn't hear it. The reality is, a lot of times people do hear, so we do train first. You got to heal enough to hear the voice of God, and then you got to be strong enough, I say almost the same thing day in and day out, heal enough to hear and then strong enough to obey. It's that simple, but that's not just marriage, although the marriage did heal. It's not just marriage, that's life. That's our Christian walk, day in and day out, so now when God tells me to do things, they don't have anything to do with the marriage, and it's difficult, and I may not wanna do it, I got practice, help my help me roll, taught me how to mature as a Christian. It was not meant just for my marriage to get better, that's great, but God meant for me to understand my role, and that I stuff to work on every day. I need to get stronger every day. There's more things He asks of us, there's more things He stretches our faith, and so we have to be strong enough to now obey in bigger things. I obey in the marriage, and now I got to obey in finances, I obey in finances, I got to obey with the kids, and I obey with the kids, I got to obey with the ministry, obey with the ministry, I got to obey with the mentoring. It really is all about pleasing God and growing in God, which is a lifetime. It's a lifestyle, it's a lifetime, you never stop. It's infinite until you leave this world. So I encourage people to understand that part, because although the marriage was in my face, it didn't really have anything to do with the marriage, it had more to do with the fact that I was able. I literally was able to know God wanted me to do something and say no. And I was like, oh, when I realized I needed deliverance from that, I was like, I'm not as mature. - I'm not as mature. - Isn't that disobedience? - I thought that was. - Isn't that like rebellion? Is that sin of witchcraft? - It's definitely that. [BLANK_AUDIO]