FM Talk 1065 Podcasts
Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour - 9-07-24
[music playing] The following broadcast is brought to you live and in color. I don't want to hear no more of that goofy talk. Shield of the talk and all you got to do is be a good listener. Popular radio entertainment for the masses. Sweet Jesus, please let this work. Stabilize. [screaming] It's time to have some friend who's a good child on the way. Yes, it's time to laugh and sing. Time to brighten up y'all's day. We got to lean up in the house, and the rock spirit play is on the way. Jolene, it's mama. If somebody had bear with you. Yes, it's time to have some friend. There's a good time on the way. Yes, it's time to laugh and sing. Time to brighten up y'all's day. We got Jolene up in the house, and the rock spirit play is on the way. [music playing] Hello, friends. Yay, I'm saying yay because this week, hmm, it was feeling pretty decent in the mornings up here at Roxbury Farms. I had kind of a northerly breeze blowing. It was pleasant. Makes me feel like there is an end in sight to these miserable temperatures, and I'm sorry they have been miserable. I know there are people out there who really, really enjoy the hot summer, and I enjoy summer too, but toward the end of it, I'm over it. Speaking of over it, yeah, Jim Weaver is across the way there, behind the other glass, and he is giving me the high sign that--who's on the phone? Okay, that's what you mean by yeah, over it. Adeline is over it, she said. She said she needs to talk it out. I don't think this is about hot temperatures, but okay, let's just get right into it. Hey, Jim, my headphones are a little loud. Okay. Hi, Jolene, it's Adeline. Where you been? You've been kind of busy. Like work busy or vacation busy? Well, it's kind of embarrassing. Uh-oh. What's going on? Are you on the air? Yeah, I'm not doing the show right now, I'm on the air. No, I mean, are you on the air at all? You mean it's the show still on--yeah, the show's on the air. Well, hell, I didn't know. I hadn't talked to you in a while. Okay. My family did a little, one of them intervention things on me. Really? Go figure that. Someone held an intervention for you. That really doesn't surprise me. Alcohol? No. Prescription? Uh-uh. Well, I don't have a problem with any of that. Okay, so what was your-- Mine was a little bit different. Uh-huh. You can tell us? Well, it was a makeup abuse intervention, okay? Make up? You mean like cosmetics? I guess now that I think about it, the times I've seen you, you do pour it on kind of thick. I know what you're fickin' to say. I don't think you do. Adline. Mm-hmm. Nobody cares about makeup abuse. It ain't something that we all talk about. It's really not. I mean, everybody kind of does their own thing with makeup. What you do doesn't necessarily hurt somebody else if you decide to spread it on thick. There are many more disorders that get talked about. This one is very important to me, and it should be to you too, because we all know somebody that looks like they put their makeup on with a spatula. And in this day and age, it's just not that popular to do that no more. And there are still some women out there that are doing it. I have some girlfriends, yeah. And some men too, but that's a whole other subject altogether, we'll address at a different time. Okay, thank you for that. I don't mean to offend anybody, because I know how easy it is to slip into that trap. The steaming bowl of despair that is makeup abuse. I have a feeling you're getting ready to share your story with us. Right. One day I was looking at a magazine in my hair salon reading about the latest stubborn fat breakthroughs. What magazine was that I was looking at? I don't know. Was that cosmopolitan? No, it wasn't cosmopolitan. It doesn't really matter. This is what happened to me. I started looking at all the glamorous women in these magazines at my hair salon. Honey, as soon as I got my hair done, I ran out that door to the closest cosmetic aisle I could find. Cos I wanted to update my look. You know what I mean? Of course. And they had a buy one, get one, sale. I believe it was at the Maybelline section, and I just started loading up my basket first. It's just one shade of eyeliner and before I knew it, I had a whole basket full makeup. I remember my darling husband trying to stop me as I drifted further and farther into the abyss of makeup madness. So it was pretty bad, huh? I bought some lipstick that was so red. I looked like I'd been sucking on a motorcycle muffler. And so your family mentioned this to you though, huh? Imagine Jeb had a lot to say about it. I wouldn't listen. I wouldn't listen to anybody. I couldn't stop and the more I used, the more I wanted. That's how it goes. And pretty soon, my eye makeup alone was a half an inch thick. I cashed in my 401(k) to get a brow lift. A brow lift? To make room for my eyelashes. Okay. That mascara can get pretty heavy, you know. And one day, I was walking through my ensuite bathroom in my home and I tripped in my face stuck to the floor. Ew. I had to walk around with a Chanel bath mat stuck to my face until I found my way to the phone and called the poison control center. Poison control? I didn't know who else called. That he said on the back of that rug, broke my forehead out something terrible. And that evening, my better half, he told me that my face was frightening. Uh-uh. All right. And that I was scaring the children. He said that when I blinked, my eyelashes looked like two ducks flapping their way out of a crude oil spill. So what happened then? That's when they scheduled my makeup intervention and we helped set up a hotline for women who are going through the same thing. Well, that's very, very thoughtful of you. So what sort of criteria should women use to figure out if they fall into that category of someone who would need a makeup abuse intervention? Because I mean, there's a difference between just wearing a lot of makeup and then going totally overboard, right? If you look in the mirror and your face is starting to look like a frosted mini-wheat. Okay. Do not hesitate. Call 800 too much mascara. Wait, that's too many words that won't work. Whatever. Just get some help before it is too late. All right. Well, Adeline, thank you. Thank you very much. I'll pass that along to everyone, the public service announcement from Adeline. If you check your makeup, ladies, at the end of the day, if your cell phones look like a graham cracker, you got too much makeup on. Great advice from Adeline Pepperdine. She walks better, Jolina walks better. She makes me laugh. Yeah, we all like making big brother Jim laugh. Happy to welcome Jim into the studio this weekend. No, you try to keep a low profile, especially in September. Because you know what September is for me. What September means to me. You know this. Yes, yes. I do know that September is when you usually start talking about fall stuff. And why is that? Because it's a month with burr in the name. Right. Because we've only got a few. Yeah, I get it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I know the thing you dislike the most is the pumpkin patch polka that I play. We are going to wait until the first day of fall, right? Um. Right? Yeah, right. Right. When is when is the first day of fall? September 22nd. Okay. I can wait till then. Killjoy. I'm not a killjoy. R2. I just feel like it's a bit early. It's a tad early. Just a little bit. A little bit. I know. And I'm not playing it. I told you last week I wasn't going to. It's really early, Jolene. You've made your point. You guys, what Jim is talking about is one of my favorite seasonal songs, the pumpkin patch polka. Ha ha, not doing it, but that's, that's the beginning of it. Even the little tiny bit of that intro makes me feel a little, um, what is coach? Call it a, a joy shimmer. One thing I'm not joyous about that is related to fall, whatever's in the air. Not sure if it's pine cone powder. I'm not even sure if that's a thing, but, you know, something to do with pine cones and uh, the falling leaves and stuff. And I am starting to see a few falling leaves. They're blown in the wind and already. And if you know me, oh boy. I've got seasonal allergies bad, yeah. Time to get that multiple symptoms medicine cabinet stocked up again. Our lawyers remind me to tell you that this is a parody. We only wrote the silly words, not the good part, the music. Which lawyer wrote this memo? I'm stressed time pollen on my mind time. Gotta hide and stay inside. Bad allergies can't go outside. CVS or Walgreens. I need anti-histamines. Cough drops that taste like apple pie. I better ask the RX guy. I don't know what I'm buying. I've started hearing voices. What a list. Look at this. Can't concentrate. My brains abyss. Day quill, night quill. Gel caps and some purple pills. Hot tea with some orangy zing. Tylenol. Don't do the thing. I don't know what I'm buying. I think I'm hearing voices. There's just too many choices. Robotuss and Sipa. Stat white mini skirts make me look fat. Alka seltzer. Cold plus. As they'll cold and sign. A Therapluin. Vaposteem. Phenal propanelamine. A hot shower works best. I'll go home and get some rest. I don't know what I'm looking for. They got 40 bottles for the same things. I don't know what I'm doing. Chloroceptic mucinex. I can't think straight. My head's a wreck. Econesha vitamins. I'll stock up on some claritin. The sinus pills they used to sell. They're not in the aisle now. What the hell? Stand in line. I feel like death. I guess they think I'm cookin' meth. Breaking bad. They got 40 kinds of nasal spray. Halls and honey citrus. Hey. This is a vinisant tablet. It's got to take what I can get. Expectorate. And hike again. Bear is a vintage brand. Mom always used Chloroceitin. Startin' a bowl of paper feedin'. Fluids and guafinisen. Recola cubes and shots of gin. My Cajun family starting me on homemade herbal therapy. Took suit of veteran HCL. Post nasal drip. Still bad as hell. Confused? I don't know what to buy. Is this how I'm supposed to die? I don't know what I'm buying. I've started hearing voices. There's too many choices. Whoa. Hey. And if you have not already done so, you need to download the FMTalk 1065 app. There you can catch up on any of the other 50 plus hours of local programming a week. On FMTalk, you can catch the podcasts any time you like. Hey, we're gonna take a short break, but we will be right back with more show. Yepers. Guests of the Jolene Roxbury variety hour stay at that big fancy hotel downtown. Hey, wait. She never has any guests. The Jolene Roxbury variety hour. I'd like to talk to the people who are looking for something to do with the family. Yeah. Everybody together in the same place. Remember what that was like? Yeah, you do. You want something affordable and fun. Hey. Money's tight and taking the whole family anywhere. It can really break the bank these days. So think about this. No matter where you are, I guarantee you that somewhere close by, there's a high school football game going on. Most likely, it's within 15 minutes of your house, possibly in your own backyard. And even before the weather starts getting cool, which if you live on the Gulf Coast is around Thanksgiving, you might have to wait a while for those cool breezes. But even if it's hot out, there's just something about a stadium hot dog or hamburger. And you can feed the whole family without having to take out a second mortgage. It's a wonderful way to spend time with your family and support the young people in our community. School music programs and athletic programs need your support. School at schools, private schools, everybody needs you to get involved. And right about now, all these kids are taking part in their fall fundraisers. I can personally testify to that fact. So support these kids. And if you don't like football or music, well, I will pray for you to be so enlivened. But in the meantime, take a look at the little fundraiser brochures that come home from school. Whether it's cookie dough, holiday items, or just some really cool gift ideas. Buy something and tuck it away as a gift for the holidays. Someone's birthday that's coming up. Hey, how about getting a little happy just for you? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Take the family out to a high school football game. So what if you don't know who's playing? Enjoy the ambiance. The band. The Polish sausage dogs with onions and green peppers. Hey, so what are you waiting for? Grab everyone, get off the couch, and get out to the game. Who knows? We might run into each other. If we do, I like mustard, pickles, sauerkraut, and obviously some tic-tacs. Hi. This is Rick Cleveland. Join Lee, Randy Burgen, and Mark Laster every Saturday morning at eight. For everything you want to know about your favorite Alabama high school football teams, as well as other news and high school sports. Everything Alabama high school athletics. I personally tune in for the encouraging, uplifting personal segments. Joe Reed. Yep, hers. We know that you don't do sports. Reed about sports off a card, but I can't report it live with any clarity or sense. But I do know that you do love a good tailgate party. My favorite part is planning the menu. So tell me, what are we eating this week? You know I'm ordering a tailgate package from Naaman's Catering. Do the best. Shows. Greetings and salutations. Welcome to the weekend, and to Bell's sassy tailgate. Yes, Jolene still hates the title, but that's just too bad. And now, the only man allowed near my kitchen. So you can't use the word tailgate there. It's a stupid title. You've made your point. The incomparable, Alec Heyman. Hello, Dao. How are you doing this weekend? Fabulous. As usual, Jolene is tagging along. And also we have, as we do every week, Earl T. Let's get ready to rumble. Well, wait a minute. That would just say that football games, dude. Where do you think we are? Earl, you're here every week. I'm back. So what do we have cooking this week? Well, you know when you got people coming over to your house and you got the ball game ready to go on TV, it's always nice to have some kind of nice little old dirt to tag you over while you're doing the main cooking on the grill. So I like these oriental steak. Please tell me they're easy to make. I don't think everybody caught that. It's oriental steak rolls. Stop talking over people. What you do is you go to the good grocery store, you ask the budget to give you a nice big piece of flank steak. All right. Now you take that big piece of flank steak and you slice the steak across the grain. How many pieces? About 16 sliced strips. About a quarter of an inch thick. Then you take and you lay it out on your counter. You put some plastic wrap over the top and you get your pounder out and you pound each piece very, very thin. Earl. No, Jolene, he's pounding our steak on the tailgate. Here's a better way to do that. It's called a mallet. You know, if you got a mallet knife, you don't know what a mallet is. Just get your hammer and pound the meat until it's very, very thick. You don't hammer it on the tailgate. That's not how I'd do it. Nor anyone else on our planet. You season it with a little salt and pepper. Then you're taking your place on the spariest spear. A slice of green onion. A slice of green bell pepper or red bell pepper. I like the color of red, so I actually use a red bell pepper. And then you can take several pieces of mushroom and you can even take some carrot slices. Think you have carrot slices up really good? You put all this in the middle of the meat. Then you roll this meat up. Oh man, I got the perfect thing for that. Earl. I mean, I guess you can roll meat with it. Not on my show. Your show. I mean, I guess, uh... Besides, it's filthy. I should at least run it through the dishwasher first. Do we have time? No, we don't. You just have to get through the salad spinner. Until you've got your rolled up steak roll. Now when you roll that steak around the vegetables and fasten it with a toothpick. Hey man, here's some toothpicks you left over for my Christmas party last year. Now that's helpful. Thank you, Earl. You only use one, so they're still good. Oh, you place them in a shallow glass baking dish. Then what you do then is you take a little bit of vinegar, a little soy sauce, a little sugar, and a little sesame oil. You pour that over the steak roll. You let them marinate for about a half an hour. You drain that marinade into a small sauce pan. And in the meantime, you put your oven on royal. And you got a good nut that's 500 plus degrees. You'll roll those steak rolls for five minutes per side. So you do have to flip 'em. Aren't they gonna fall apart if I start flipping these things around? But you've got them toothpicks that don't say so. Oh, that's right. And then while the steak is boiling, you bring that little marinade into a bowl. So you pour it in a little sauce pan and you boil your marinade. You take just a little bit of cornstarch and a little bit of water in a cup. And you just a little bit of water, a little bit of cornstarch. And you stir it around really good and it'll make you a little paste. And you slowly drizzle it into your marinade until the marinade thickens while it's on the stove. Then you pour that marinade over the steak rolls and mm-hmm-hmm. Are they good? Delicious! Great four-derves for any party. Alec, we'll see you next week, doll. See everybody next week. And remember, if you would like to hear this recipe again, unfortunately, it is recorded as is. So you'll have to stop it and start it and decipher it for yourself. But sometimes that's half the fun. So it's available at our podcast, which is at FMTalk1065.com. Very easy to find. Or just ring up Naaman's Catering at 473-3900 here in Mobile. And ask them about their delicious tailgate packages that start at 1.59. My particular favorite is called the kick-off, with red beans and rice, with sausage, of course. Cajun fried turkey slammers, barbecued meatballs, spicy shrimp dip with crackers. These packages serve 12 to 15 people. Amazing bang for your buck. The juvie wants to ride a hour. Has this ever happened to you? Oh my gosh! Somebody's trying to break the truck? Honey, honey! I'm done told you! The unemployment office don't open till late. Now go back and sleep. You idiot. Open the safe. We have to protect the kids. All of our things, my jewelry. Where's that monkey? What's the problem? I'm trying! I'm trying! It's gone! We're all going to die! I can't get too! What would you do in this situation? 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Hey, what's a marsupial? Don't be ignorant, Luther. Huh? Marsupials is any viviporous, non placental mammals such as possums, kangaroos, wombats and bandicoots. What's a bandicoot? A bandicoot? It's kind of like Nancy Pelosi, they don't go on TV talking a lot of ignorance all the time. I don't know what was so great about the depression, but that's the name they give it. Take advantage of this special radio offer and purchase your primate vault factory direct. Our factory trained technician will deliver and install to ensure your monkey is comfortable, content and rested when it comes time to defend your family. Door representation is made at the quality of the primate protection services to be performed as greater than the quality of primate services performed by other monkeys. A monkey is a primate and not a type of ape. An ape is a primate and not a type of monkey. A chimpanzee is a type of ape, so it's a primate but not a monkey. When it comes to your family's safety, we don't monkey around. Thanks, primate vault! I am not cleaning up that monkey poop. The jimmy rocks are in a variety hour. So it's been a couple of weeks now, but on our last show, we were talking about the fact that I got sort of irritated at Sonic because the milkshake machine was broken. And I go out for a milkshake maybe three or four times a year. I'm not a big milkshake hog, but when I do take a hankering for one, I would like to find a working shake machine. Every time I go out for a shake, the shake machine is broken every single time. And I am not a conspiracy theorist, but you know what? I think this is a conspiracy. Everybody in the studio, Jim Weaver, along with my husband, I guess he'd be outside the studio, but regardless, they've been making fun of me. Everybody in Bell's kitchen, all of our interns, and the rest of my family have been making fun of me. I do believe that the fact that I cannot find a working shake machine when I go for a milkshake is a conspiracy. I think it's far reaching. Anyway, I did go to some trouble and some expense to prove this point. Only person I could find to help me, and it's probably because he didn't have anything else to do, was Earl T. So we went out to prove that every shake machine that is within ten feet of my presence spontaneously stops working. There's no other explanation. And as always, we were rolling audio. Listen to this. Surely their shake machine is worth. So, don't call me Shirley. We've been to how many? Twelve? More than that. Ten. Okay. And you're driving stinks, by the way. Oh, I've been driving? This has to work. Give it a try. Yeah, hello? Hello? I'd like two regular hamburgers. Is that hungry? Regular, small hamburgers, and a triple thick chocolate shake. Please. Hello? Hello? Can I have my shake? Can I have my shake? Can you shake machine working? I have no idea what she just said. I have no idea what she just said. I'm thinking that I'm thinking the shake machine is not working. I guarantee you. That's exactly what she said. Don't panic, man. Maybe she... There's no shake machine. You're speaking in tongues or something. No, it's a yolene. La machina, no está fun cionando. Milkshake, she'll whole play. I heard my name. She said yolene. I heard my name. She said yolene. Does that mean the shake machine came back online? Wait. Sometimes if you wait like 30 seconds, it'll start working again. We're not rebooting your phone. Just wait with me. Wait with me? Oh, yeah. Like I have a choice or something. Just wait. Give me a few seconds. Right. Go, go, go. So, did you go to the game Friday night? Don't remember. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Why don't we drive around? What? Drive around back again. Again? How is that going to help us? Just do it. Drive around. Again. Do the drive again. I don't see. Go through the drive through again. I swear these shake machines break down every... Language, Julie. Four minutes, I think. Or at least every fourth car. Maybe that's it. We were just... Oh, you want me to change positions? In an unlucky place in the lineup. Okay. I'll be car number seven. That'd be lucky. Okay. Just pull up here again. Okay. Go for it. Hi. Hello. Oh, sorry. Yes. We'd like two small hamburgers and a medium chocolate shake. Hello. Try asking for a large. Hello? Hello? Is this shake machine working now? No, Senora. La machina de vativo no esta fuzio nando. No, lady. The milkshake machine ain't working. What the hell? Look at that lookin' like a vista. You're crazy. Drive around again, Earl. You want me to drive around again, and I'm the one that's crazy. Get it again. Make the look. I'll tell you who's looping. How about now? How's it working now? I believe. La machina de vativo doz a vativo doz a vista fuzio nando. She's got a good attitude about it. I told you. It's a conspiracy. No milkshakes for Jolene. They've got it in for me. I don't think they smash their machine when they see you coming, Jolene. Oh, yes they do. Hopping the top on a big old can of crazy. It's the Jolene Roxbury variety hour. You often suffer from backaches, irritable bowel, bloatedness, muscle spasm, anxiety, depression, explosive diarrhea, incontinence, swelling of the limb, blurred vision, unwanted headache, carpal tunnel syndrome, are you uncoordinated and find yourself unable to perform simple tasks? Like what? Such as skiing on the backs of dolphins. That happens to me just the other day. Well, if you're a woman, chances are that all of the above-listed symptoms will happen to you, and your life will begin falling apart by the time you reach age 30. No! Scientific studies conducted in laboratories and places you've never heard of have determined that women are inherently weak. Fragile and typically unable to cope with life. Simply by being born female, there's a 100% guarantee that your entire skeletal system is doomed to call out. No! No! Now if you listen closely, you can hear your bones shrinking as we speak. You can really hear it? Face it, you're a woman, and there's little that can be done about it until now. Oh, thank God. From the makers of Elementary in Euroblast, the world's first caffeinated douche comes Tylophim. Our team of certifiable biochemists have created a chain of really big, scary words designed to make you feel hyper-conscious and develop an extreme disabling awareness about your mortality. Yellow! I need you to stop at this door and get me some Tylophim. What do you need that for? Don't ask me why I could be dying right now! Ah, one of those women's things, huh? Just hurry up! All right, all right. If you are a woman, you should take Tylophim. We're not sure what it does, but our research proves that you should be buying it. Tylophim. Because being a woman is scary as hell. Chicks. Aren't they the worst? Chicks. I'm Jolene Roxbury. We are so happy to have you spending some of your time with us. It delights us to know that even one person is taking away a little, as coach likes to say, a shimmer of joy. Away from the time that we spend together. We hope you're having a terrific weekend. If you're not having a really terrific weekend, well, we hope we can lift your spirits just a little bit. It's what we love to do. Our show is on every Saturday at 4 o'clock. During football season, we do get postponed for Auburn football. You know, they start their pre-game stuff at different times. So sometimes we get bumped down the line. Or, hey, who knows? We might miss a Saturday completely. But, you know, we do have that Sunday morning replay at 7 a.m. and our podcast is available every Saturday at 4 o'clock on the Jolene Roxbury variety hour Facebook page and also at FMTalk1065.com in the podcast lineup, along with tons of other shows. So you guys need to download that app if you haven't already done so. One thing we have been talking about a little bit, I thought we were done with this subject. But last week on the show, we were talking about a little annoying episode I had at Sonic. I was in the car with my sisters and drove up to get a milkshake. That was it. And the machine was broken. And I'm telling you, that's always the case for me. Whenever I asked for a milkshake, the machine is always broke. I said I thought it was some sort of weird conspiracy. My husband made fun of me, everybody made fun of me. I wanted to prove my point and the only person I had who could help me out was Earl T this past week. And he agrees with me. He thinks it's a strange happening as well. That wherever I go, there's no shake machine. So I thought, well, you know, I could travel anywhere in the world and I think this would happen to me. I wanted to test that theory as well. And what we did, we left a message at a charming little ice cream shop in Paris. Yes, Paris, France. The name of the shop is Lebac Aglase. Not sure I said that correctly. We called, we left them a message. There's a little bit of a time difference. There's seven hours ahead of us. So by the time they got back with us, you know, they got our voicemail. But that's fine. I left a message for them asking if their shake machine was working. And here's what we got. Okay, I am told that means their shake machine is broke. I don't know what it says exactly. But I know what it means. I can tell by the tone of his voice that it means their shake machine is broke. At the Lebac Aglase, whatever it is, in Paris. It's not working there either. What's that? What's that? Oh, oh great. Yeah. Germany's on the line. What's if they've got a working shake machine? Put the German in the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't speak German. Just tell me is your shake machine working or not? Not one shake machine in all of Germany is working. Fine. Fine. I see how this is going to go. The world is against me. It's fine. Hi. I'm a high-strung college student. And even I listen to the Jolien Roxbury variety hour. Cause I mean, they're all weird and unbalanced. Just like me. Good news. It's time for our annual vacation. Hey! Where would you like to go? I want to go to the Grand Canyon. Oh, I'm sorry. We can't afford to go to the Grand Canyon. But we can't afford to go to Larry's Canyon. Yay! Larry's Canyon! Hi. I'm Larry of Larry's Canyon. Fifteen years ago, I dug the very first Larry's Canyon. And now the franchise has grown to canyons in seven states. Now, we're looking to expand again. If you think you'd like to own your very own Larry's Canyon Canyon, all you need is a desire to succeed, a shovel, and $30,000. We'll send you everything you need to get started, including blueprints of your canyon, pre-printed, pre-printed tickets, and of course, the legendary Larry's Canyon name. Turn your backyard into a tourist attraction. Join the Larry's Canyon family today. Then you too will be earning big bucks from people who don't know quality attractions from a hole in the ground. ♪ Hi, this is Mobile County Sheriff Paul Burch. Preserving and securing the safety of the people of Mobile County is a very rewarding job. But it can also be stressful and demanding. Laughter has been shown to lower blood pressure by releasing endorphins, which counteract the negative effects of stress. In law enforcement, that's a very valuable tool to have. One way we fight stress is by tuning in to the Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour. Join us every weekend on FM Talk 106 file. You are on the air. We're doing a promo for David and Tony Lorde's show. A&A Vacuum? Hello, everybody. So, uh, well, you see, my house is really messy. You know, ever since my alpacas inside have had a terrible problem with fur, and for that other problem, I just use a shovel. You got a question here? That is something with an attachment that really takes care of unwanted fur. He does have alpacas in his home. I've seen it. Ricardo hasn't anything with a blade on it yet. (Laughter) They actually have a product called the "FurGet It" tool. It's the coolest pet hair attachment, and there is nothing like it. Anything you've ever used, it can attach really to any vacuum, and make even crummy vacuums look pretty good. When you're through, I promise you, there will be no hair. Well, and sometimes you can't even see the fur. Dog hair can really hide in a couch cushion. (Laughter) A&A Vacuum caught a chill road in Mobile, just west of University. Rocks me! Did you know that Joe Lean and the Roxbury players do their entire show in the nude? It's a good thing we never installed that webcam. This portion of the Julian Roxbury variety hour is brought to you by Larry's Legless Frogs. Lots of places serve frog's legs, so what happens to the rest of the frog? Larry has these Legless Frogs towed to his place, where he serves them up to you. Why go elsewhere and dine on expensive riblets when you can go to Larry's and have cheaper ribbits? Larry's Legless Frogs, they are not losers, even though they have been defeated. (Music) Welcome back to the show, everybody. I'm Jolene Roxbury. On behalf of the Roxbury players, we'd like to thank you guys for allowing us to be part of your lives for just a little while. And look, I apologize if you think I've been droning on and on about the milkshake machine stuff. But, you know, I was done talking about it last week. It's other people, phoning in, sending direct messages to us about, you know, last week because we mentioned it. A few people called me petty and unbalanced. That was actually a remark someone made. So, whatever, everybody's entitled to their opinion. Believe it or not, in my family, out of all the members of my family and the people here at this show, I am the one that is the most stabilized. But, boy, if I step out of the lines, okay, everybody freaks out. They all call each other up and talk about me. But, so anyway, that's why I brought the shake machine stuff up again this week. What's that, Jim? Ooh, big sister number two. Go ahead, put her through. (Music) Hi, Jolene. It's Camelia. Hey, Camelia, what do you want? I was not the one who told Mom about you throwing a sip at the stomach broker. No, you didn't tell Mom. You didn't have to. You told Iris and that's just like telling Mom. I've never seen anybody get that upset over a milkshake. I've seen you throw a baked potato through a porthole on a cruise ship. Why are you making such a big deal about this? Everybody is. Just don't worry about it. We'll talk about it later. I want to talk about it later. Bye. Ooh. Oh, please. What is it? What is it? Turn on Fox News, man. Hurry, hurry. What is it? There's so soon a riot going on in Tokyo, dude. All right. (Music) Turn it off. I have no idea what she just said. What is that all about? Huh? What? What? Somebody knows? Good. Oh, yeah. I'm sure she knows. Toline, hey. Hey, Adeline. It is you. Yeah, it's me. You know something about the Japanese newscast. That girl was talking about some kind of milkshake panic in Tokyo. You are full of it. No, I am not making that up. You are? You've been listening to the show? Me talking about the broken milkshake machines and you're making fun of me. I took a bunch of them courses at that LaGuardia, Concordia, some kind of school up there. In Tokyo. In Tokyo. My daddy was stationed in Tokyo for like six years. Really? And I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I spent all my teenage years learning the language and then all the rest of the years forgetting it. So I can't talk it no more, but I can tell what she was saying for real. Mm-hmm. And it's a shake machine thing. Right. They're having some sort of milkshake machine panic. A milkshake machine panic. They're having some sort of incident with big droves of people and milkshake machines. I don't know. It didn't make no sense to me. I just thought I'd call and tell you about it. Well, thank you. Bye. All right. Bye. Taking some time off, getting out of the studio, going to enjoy an action-packed night at the races. I mean, I know they don't sell milkshakes at the races. It's too hot. So I'm safe here. Nobody here is going to tell me they can't make me a milkshake. I'm not even going to ask for one. You know what? I might go in a completely different direction. I think I'm going to get myself a shave ice. A pina colada shave ice. Well, race fans, looks like-- What? What is that? Look? There seems to be a shake machine out on the track and-- Whoo! I'm going down to get some. Uh-huh. Nope. It doesn't appear to be working. What? It's not working. Yep. It's broke. Oh, man. I've been dreaming all day of a tasty frozen tree. And I do know that I want one. I'd rather use a straw than eat my ice cream from a bone. I think I'm going to go get one. I know of a place less than a mile from here. And my tire tracks be smoking. I can guarantee you when I'm walking through that door that the shape of cheese is broken. No shakes. What? No milkshakes? Machine is broken down. No shakes. They was working shine yesterday. Machine is broken down. No shakes. I was working perfectly yesterday. No shakes. What is the problem? No shakes. No shakes. You can't keep it in order for 24 hours? I was working 20 minutes ago perfectly. Well, we got somebody back there working on it. How's it going, Charlie? It cuts my fingers off. You can fix a rocket made to take a man up to the moon. If it's a cotton pig and a combine. And you can fix machines and pour right through a mountain side. But a shaper sheet blows your mind. No shakes. No shakes. It's broken down. No shakes. No shakes. Can you make me a half a shake? Like a half a milkshake? No shakes. How about any flavor, anything? I'll take anything. How about a Pepsi? No thank you. It looks like we got us a good old-fashioned broke down. Unfortunately, the machine that makes the shakes broke. Alright? It's in the state of this reparation at the moment. It didn't work. Maybe this drive-through has one. I'd like a chocolate shake, please. Large. A shake machine is broken. That's it. I'm coming in. How many? Could you get back in your car, please? I'm coming in there. I'm going to kick you. You're not allowed to come up to the window. I'm coming in here. I'm coming in. I'm coming in. Dude. The shake machines like broke. How can they all be broken? How can they all be broken? Hey, we want to remind you guys to download the FMTalk1065 app. If you do that, you will never miss a show. Whether it's this show, any of your other favorite shows, you can catch up on mobile mornings. Maybe you're not up in the mornings. Maybe you're up later in the day. Or you work nights. So, you know, you don't have to miss that. You don't have to miss midday mobile. The prep sports report. Plain gardening. Gosh, so many shows. Over 50 hours of local programming. Plus, you can leave messages, direct messages, like vocal audio messages for Dan and Dalton on mobile mornings and Sean Sullivan, midday mobile. As for us, that's going to do it this week. Oh, remember to like our Facebook page as well. We post our podcast every Saturday. Meet us right back here next week. See you soon. The Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour contains copyrighted material and cannot be duplicated or rebroadcast in whole or in part without the express written consent of Macadow Productions. We love you, America. Join us next time for more Madcap Adventures on the Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour. I'm Mr. Announcement. (laughing) (giggling)