FM Talk 1065 Podcasts
Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour 8-31-24
A following broadcast is brought to you live and in color. I don't want to hear no more of that goofy talk. Shield of the talk and all you got to do is be a good listener. Popular radio entertainment for the masses. Sweet Jesus, please let this work. Stay alive. Yee-hoo! It's time to have some fun. There's a good time on the way. Yes, it's time to laugh and sing. Time to brighten up, y'all Steve. We've got to lean up in the house and the rock's beret play is on the way. Jolene, it's mama. If somebody has a bear with you. It's time to have some fun. There's a good time on the way. It's time to laugh and sing. Time to brighten up y'all day. We've got Jolene up in the house and the rock's beret play is on the way. You know friends, welcome everybody. I'm Jolene Roxbury, along with so many of the rock's beret players this week, gee. It's not often we have a studio really, really full of the rock's beret players. I'm kind of wondering what they have up their sleeve, if somebody wants more money, I don't know. Nobody's touching my Girl Scout cookies. Yeah, I still, I have them in the freezer. Not supposed to eat them, but you know, I do a little bit. So last week and the week before, I've kind of been missing big brother Jim Weaver. Oh wait, last week, yeah, we did, we revisited our 400th episode, Jim, you were there for that. That was worth replaying it. So oh, welcome Jim Weaver everybody. Thank you. Sometimes Jim goes out of town. He goes to these big radio dude functions. Well, sure. What do you call them? Radio dude functions. Yeah, that. Yeah. And sometimes he just doesn't feel like being here. You know, that would be a reason. It would be a lame one, but it would be a reason, sure. Well, and if one of the Roxbury players has been detained, I might have to miss being here, sitting in my captain's chair. If one of the Roxbury players needs me, you'll have to drop everything and go take care of that. So, you know, it surprised it to say that it has to be a really good reason for me not to be doing the show. Once a couple of years ago, once I left the show in the shaky little hoofs of Earl T, did not go very smoothly, we'll leave it at that. And surprisingly, he was not the one who was detained, okay? Most of his warrants are in California. But we do have a phone call. This is a great way to start the show. Our very own Martha Stewart is with us today, and she's going to talk with us about some alcohol free beverages we can prepare for Labor Day celebrations, really any celebration. You know, because sometimes you do have a gathering where you don't want to serve alcohol, or it might be a time when you, you know, you just don't want it, okay? You just don't drink. And these are some nice light drinks that anyone can enjoy, so let's get into it. Martha! Are you staying busy? I've spent most of my days working in the garden, lunching Albrasco, and celebrating life's moments with wholesome programming such as Little House on the Prairie, the Golden Girls, and my favorite comedy of all time, Jolene. Um, I love Lucy? Who's the boss? That Tony Danza, he really cranks my tractor. Really? Well, he used to. Now he's looking rather like a pair of vintage Adidas sneakers. Oh no, who could that be? That sounds nice. We've had an old school doorbell installed in the studio, Jolene. Isn't that delicious, Lee Vintage? It is. Would you mind getting the door, dear? Oh, good Lord, what is it? It's holiday. You do mean good Lord, don't you, Martha? Grace is yummy. Why are you here? Isn't there something that needs the country fried out of it? Girl, you are so funny. I got special studio warming present for you, girl. Little Earth. It's a sleep ladle that goes way back in my family for generations, my great-great-grandfather, help dig the Underground Railroad with it, while this ladle would lead people to freedom during the day and then serve up a lively, possum stew when that time fell. Yum. Today's program features delicious, non-alcoholic beverages. You will be proud to serve to your guests. We begin with one of my favorites, pomegranate citrus juice, non-alcoholic citrus never becomes boring, dear, when you mix together the juice of many fruits, such as grapefruits, tangerines, oranges, and tangelos. That's my poop, always name, tangelos. Hey, it's yummy. Today, we'll be adding a splash of pomegranate juice for a dose of color, flavor, and the all-important antioxidant. For this, you will need two small grapefruits. Girl, my grapefruits haven't been small since the fifth grade. Two oranges, two tangerines, or many ole tangelos, one half lime and two pomegranates. Pomegranates? What did I say? Thank you, said pomegranates. It's, um, pomegranates. Even better. You'll want to use a citrus press or juicer to juice the grapefruits, or just tangerines and lime. Juice the pomegranates into a separate bowl. I like to use this duck-shaped pewter bowl that's been passed down from my grandmother from generations in my family. Don't care. If I have citrus juice among three glasses and topped with garnish, if it sits too long without moving, the pomegranate juice will settle to the bottom. That's exactly what happened to me when I started doing my own show. I sat for too long and I'll settle to my bottom. Next we have the apple ginger sparkler, which is sparkling cider spiked with ginger and cinnamon. These were the names of these two mean girls at my high school, ginger and cinnamon, but I have had the last laugh on them. Life has not been kind to them two heifers. They are now prostitutes. Go ahead, Martha. For this recipe, you will need one fourth cup ginger syrup, four and a half cups sparkling apple cider. You might want to stay away from Walmart. Oh yeah, I'm not buying any Walmart apple juice. Six cinnamon sticks and six pieces of crystallized ginger. Crystal's yummy. Place two tablespoons ginger syrup in each glass. Fill glasses with ice cubes, pore and cider and stir. Okay, I'm showing that we have two recipes here. Do you have another light, frisky, non-alcoholic drink? A similar beverage just as refreshing and easy to prepare. The cranberry sparkler. Girl, I don't need sparklers anymore. Do you have to set my hair on fire with them bang? Shocking. Moving on, we have the ginger lime fizz. Ginger flavors a simple syrup and is mixed with lime juice and seltzer. I mix it with alcohol plus it clears up my sinus. This non-alcoholic pink drink is a great treat for children. Now, Martha, I heard that children got drunkest cudabram at your house last year. Martha? Never mind. I'll have to speak with you later, dear. Get this woman off my set. Yow, Mummy. And we are not in Mayberry. Jolene, please. Jam, change of stupid music, please. Martha Stewart, everybody. Oh, hey, this is Earl T. reminding you that, I can't remember what it is that I'm reminding you of. It has so many. This is Charlie T. Reminding you there, man. Monday. I can't remember what it is. I'm reminding you of it. That's something to do with the jolly rocks. Very, very happy. From here to the road, he also invited Leroy. The only redneck in the neighborhood. You can park three double wides in this yard. The party was held around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Yeah, them horse-dovers are tasty. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters, barbecue, and flirting with all the women. At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a ten-foot, man-eaten alligator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in." The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned round and saw Leroy in the pool. Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its butt on my dad, jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, headbutts, and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some sort of crazed judo instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. By this time, both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising all sorts of heck. Finally, Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime-store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. "Hi!" Finally, the host said, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars." To which Leroy replied, "By a dollar, buddy, you don't owe me nothing, nope." "Come on, I insist on giving you something, man. That was amazing. How about a new portion of Rolex and some stock options?" Again, Leroy replied, "No." "I replied, "No." Confused, the rich man asked Leroy, "Well, then what do you want?" Curiously firing up a Virginia Slim's mentor, Leroy replied, "Just give me the name with a sombre, you threw me into that pool." "It's the Julee Roxbury Show." Yepers, it sure is. And on behalf of all the Roxbury players, thank you so much for tuning in, sharing a good chunk of your me time with us, wherever you are, whatever you happen to be getting yourself up to. Thanks for taking us along for the ride. We really do enjoy our time together. Sometimes it's just good to be goofy, a little bit silly, joyful. Just sit back and go, you know, you don't have to make too much sense. Think about anything too hard and let us whisk you away. Let all the stress roll off you just for a little while. Rest yourself, Sha, as my grandma used to tell me. When the stresses of the day get you down, settle down into a nice, hot bath, open a bottle of champagne. Take a sip. Isn't it wonderful the way the tiny bubbles tickle your nose. Now, pour it over your head. The tiny bubbles tickle your hair, then turn into a rich, luxurious lather. This is no ordinary champagne. Oh, it's shampoo pain. The delicious beverage that relaxes your body while cleansing and deep conditioning your hair. Why settle for ordinary shampoo? It tastes terrible. Instead, for those special moments, enjoy shampoo pain. Especially for those times in the big tub or shower, when you're not alone. Toast each other, douse each other, give each other scalp a vigorous, cleansing rub. Rinse and repeat, your hair will have an intoxicating shine. Pick up some shampoo pain. It's so luxurious. Available wherever finer vintage champagnes are sold. Also, at Select Truck Stops at Waystations. Time to get to work on the Radio Spot Spot. What's a spot spot? Funny, creative, original radio spots for your small business is our specialty. You know, a lot of small businesses don't advertise because they can't afford to hire an agency to think up something fun and entertaining. So, what's a spot spot? By the way, you are not allowed to do any more voiceovers. Why the **** not? We'll let Macadill Productions write, create, and produce an amazing radio spot for your business. You can adapt them to use for your television commercials as well. Make the most of the airtime you're already paying for. We believe in the fabulosity of local radio, local television, local media, shopping, local. We're good at what we do. Get in touch with us on the Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour Facebook page. Or email me directly, Jolene@JoleneRoxbury.com. And what is it the lawyer dude says I will personally return your call? Full disclosure. This might be earlty who calls you back. And you know what they say in baseball. It's a great day for a commercial. Let's make two. Yeah, I don't think that's how that saying goes. Aw. Roxbury. Roxbury. Welcome back, everybody. Yeah. I'm Jolene Roxbury. And if you have not already done so, please be sure. And download the FMTalk 1065 app. I'm telling you, if you have that thing on your phone, your tablet, whatever you're using to be smart on, it is great to have. You have access to over 50 hours every week of local programming. And that's really important, the local part. It is important to stay updated in what's going on in our listening area. Or as Sean Sullivan puts it, what's going on on the other side of the speakers. The listening part of the radio, Sean told me a long, long time ago, Jolene, if you guys ever think about doing anything inappropriate, if you have any question about it, you have to run it past me first. I am the one in charge of what's going on on the other side of the speakers. Where people's ears are. So y'all better act right. Those were Sean Sullivan's words back in 2009 when the Roxbury players and I went on the air for the first time. Act right, he says. Okay, moving on, I'm ready to move on from this summer heat. I'm ready to engage with everything fall. I'm even ready to get out the leaf blower. You and me both. Too early to be buying candy corn and stuff like that, but really makes me feel good to look at it. I do enjoy seeing the Halloween stuff in the stores. Don't worry, not breaking out the pumpkin patch polka song yet. Oh, thank God. It's something I like to do when the weather starts cooling off. I can't say we because other people in the studio named Jim Waver do not like the pumpkin patch polka. No, it's fine. Really. I just don't have to worry because I'm not going to play it. That's good. Not going to play it till it gets cooler. That's going to be your indicator. Don't have to watch the weather report. You don't have to look at your little hummingbird thermometer. You've got stuck to the other side of the French doors there, no. When I start playing the pumpkin patch polka, that's when you know whether it's cooling off. You're trying to sneak it in, aren't you? No, I'm not trying to sneak it in. I'm telling you. I'm not playing it. You see? Move to you and everyone else. I'm not just saying that. I'm not playing it. You have set temperature in mind. Well, I don't have a set temperature in mind for the pumpkin patch polka, but I can tell you this. I will not play it in a month, not containing burr, B-E-R, burr. Yeah, like September octave. There you go. So that might give you an indicator where I might start playing the pumpkin patch polka. Jim, we talked about your whining last year. Remember? Okay. It's very upsetting to our female audience. I know. I'm sorry. It's triggering. They don't want to hear it. A lot of them said they can hear that at home. They don't want to hear it when they turn the radio on. I'm so good at it. Gas prices are going up. Grocery store shelves are becoming empty. There's dissension in the streets. The world is going to heck in a hand basket. Dogs and cats living together mass hysteria end of times. Do you have enough toilet paper for you and your family's survival? Don't wait to face a shortage like back in 2020. We send you toilet paper compressed into 100 or more 8x3x4 bricks, each one containing the equivalent of 200 rolls. You can even use these bricks of paper to build an extra wall in your home or basement. Or in extreme conditions, you can eat the paper and get the fiber you need to survive. More bricks of TP will arrive on an unmarked flatbed trip to protect your privacy and prevent neighbor ridicule. Go to mypapersupply.com. Do what you have to do so you can face Armageddon with a clean conscience. Hey, Joey, it's Mama. Hey, Mom. You're calling again. Yeah. I'm on the landline. Okay. You're at the house? You told me you'd prefer me to call from a landline so you can hear me better. Diddy now. Hmm. Yeah, well, look. Hmm. Your sister told me you threw quite the fit at the sonic the other night. Through a fit? Which sister? Iris. Iris called to tell you that? She said she was with you and Camellia the other night after Zumba. Yeah. And you wanted a milkshake. Yeah, I did. That's right. We all went together. So they stopped at the sonic for you. Right. Yeah. I can't imagine why you would go to Zumba and burn off all those calories. Oh, here we go. Then go out and pack them all back on by going to get a milkshake. What's the matter with you? I just wanted one. Well, it's always somebody else's fault. Now, isn't it, Jolene? I'm not blaming it on anybody. Well, Iris said you were pretty upset about the shake machine being broken. I was irritated. She said you caused a big scene. Is that true? I did not cause a big scene at all. She said you were cursing at that little drive-in menu? No. Were you using foul language at people, Jolene? No. No. Okay. You know, you're a very high, strong person, Jolene. What are you doing this? You shouldn't be eating all that sugar anyway. Not necessary. Start using your head. Uh-huh. Don't give in to those cravings. Sometimes I have to. And you need to talk with your gyneciatrist about giving you something to help you calm the hell down. Mama? I don't know where you get all that from. All of what? All that raising cane and acting a fool in front of people. I was not. Certainly not from my side of the family. Oh, they're all totally sane. What was that? Nothing. Okay. Well, look, I'll talk with you after work. Oh. Do you gonna wait till I'm available for a change? Mm. Don't be silly. Everybody knows you don't have a real job. Here we go. I'm talking about when your sisters get off work. Mm-hmm. I'm not sure. I guess we'll find out together. Jeez. See you soon. Love you, baby. I love you too. Jim? You're on the list. You're back on the list. This portion of the Jolene Rock's Berry Variety Hour is brought to you by Hannah's Banana Cabana. You get everything banana. Banana pudding. Banana splits. Banana lemmasides. You can even get a can of Hannah's Banana Santana Bandana Rosanne Rosanna Dana Vanna White Manna. Don't monkey around elsewhere. Hannah's Banana Cabana, where the bananas have a peel. Wow. The Jolene Rock's Berry Variety Hour. You know what my mother was talking about about me allegedly freaking out at the Sonic? I did not. Maybe three or four times a year, I will get a milkshake. Now, I watch my sugar intake. I have to. Three or four times a year. I will go out for a milkshake. And I will promise you, no matter what time of the day or night it is, whatever establishment I happen to walk up into, the shake machine's going to be broken. I promise you. Usually, I end up making my own at home. And the other night, I was with my two sisters and we stopped for milkshakes. And you guessed it, the shake machine was broken. And I will admit, I have been a little stressed out. The summer just had a lot going on and I've had a lot to do outside here at Roxbury Farms. And it's hot and that just kind of adds to it. But that particular project we had going on, it's winding down. Summer is winding down. But all this talk about me flipping out at Sonic did not happen. My family tends to overreact about things. What is it now? Okay. Which one? What do you mean you don't know? Go ahead. Hello. Hey, Jolene. It's Iris. Iris. Hey. Everybody, it's big sister number one, Iris. What are you doing? I wanted to check on you. Check on me. Why? I'm fine. You were pretty freaked out the other night. No. I wasn't freaked out. What are you talking about? Well, we're all worried about you. That's all. I was just frustrated because the milkshake machine was broken. There is no need to overreact. I'm not overreacting. Why are you people doing this to me? Am I getting pumped? Is somebody paying you guys to do this to me? I'm going to hang up before you start casting again. What are you talking about? I didn't say one cussword the other night in front of you. I didn't. You know, I'm always the light-hearted, laughy, giggly one. Sometimes I get frustrated. So what? I was frustrated mildly because the milkshake machine was broken at Sonic. That's it. I didn't cause a huge scene and there's certainly no reason for family members to start calling me during the show. Moms calls are enough. Don't start this. I can't tell. I love you. I love you too. I'm fine. I am fine. We'll talk about this later. Unbelievable. All this big to-do over my slightly irritated state the other night. But you know, it is kind of strange. You know, when I want a milkshake, it doesn't matter where I go. The machine's going to be broken. Everything goes wrong and I can't get my milkshake. I'm just saying. It's just kind of coincidental, you know, almost like there's some conspiracy or something, you know, that I can't get a milkshake when I want one. The shake machine is broke. Yeah. I have some theories. We'll talk more about this when we get back from the break. Or maybe not. I don't know yet. You guys just stay right where you are. Rux-me. The Jo-Mean Roxbury for right hour. I'd like to talk to the people who are looking for something to do with the family. Yeah, everybody together in the same place. Remember what that was like? Yeah, you do. You want something affordable and fun. Hey, money's tight and taking the whole family anywhere. It can really break the bank these days. So think about this. No matter where you are, I guarantee you that somewhere close by, there's a high school football game going on. Most likely, it's within 15 minutes of your house, possibly in your own backyard. And even before the weather starts getting cool, which if you live on the Gulf Coast is around Thanksgiving, you might have to wait a while for those cool breezes. But even if it's hot out, there's just something about a stadium hot dog or hamburger. My son's school serves up some of the best concession food around and you can feed the whole family without having to take out a second mortgage. It's a wonderful way to spend time with your family and support the young people in our community. School music programs and athletic programs need your support, public schools, private schools, everybody needs you to get involved. And right about now, all these kids are taking part in their fall fundraisers. I can personally testify to that fact. So support these kids. And if you don't like football or music, well, I will pray for you to be so enlivened. But in the meantime, take a look at the little fundraiser brochures that come home from school. Whether it's cookie dough, holiday items, or just some really cool gift ideas. Buy something and tuck it away as a gift for the holidays, someone's birthday that's coming up, or hey, how about getting a little happy just for you? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Take the family out to a high school football game. So what if you don't know who's playing? Enjoy the ambiance. The band. The Polish sausage dogs with onions and green peppers. Hey, so what are you waiting for? Grab everyone, get off the couch and get out to the game. Who knows? We might run into each other. I do. I like mustard, pickles, sauerkraut, and obviously some tic-tacs. Hi, this is Rick Cleveland. Join Lee, Randy Berget, and Mark Laster every Saturday morning at 8 for everything you want to know about your favorite Alabama high school football teams, as well as other news and high school sports. Everything Alabama high school athletics. I personally tune in for the encouraging, uplifting personal segments. Joe Reed. Yeah, first. We know that you don't do sports. I can read about sports off a card, but I can't report it live with any clarity or sense. But I do know that you do love a good tailgate party. My favorite part is planning the menu. So tell me, what are we eating this week? You know I'm ordering a tailgate package from Naaman's Catering. Do the best. What are we eating? Indeed. Sweet girl, baby. Welcome, welcome to Bell's Sassy Tailgate. That's what you came up with. I like it. Alec likes it. He does. Sassiest caterer in the universe, ladies and gentlemen. Alec Raymond. Hey, Miss Bell. Alec, you actually like Bell's Sassy Tailgate for a title. Sounds good to me. See you there. All right, and Earl T is back with us this week. Hey, Earl. Hey, man. What do we think to something to say when we cook in the day, Alec? We're going to get a little fancy today. Ooh, I like the sound of that. How about a little orange ginger chicken on a skewer with some sesame honey mustard dipping sauce? I know that sounds like a lot of words. Whoa, wait, wait. Hang on. Whoa. That's more words than your usual recipes, dude. You have extended beyond my basic vocabulary memory. It's a sure enough good way to tailgate makes you look like you've got a little class. I'm going to know you don't have much at all. Hey, Julian, you didn't tell Alec I don't got no class, did you? I mean, I hide it so well. Bell was going to let me go with it to the country club for brunch, and if that gets out, oh, I'm screwed, man. You take you some wooden skewer sticks, like 10 or 12 inches long. You soak them in some water so they don't burn up on you. Oh, yeah, man. You don't want a burnt skewer, man. I got one last year when I went to that nude beach, whoa, forgot the sun bus. Shut up. You're a big time, man. Whoa. Hey, get you a 4-5-6, 8-10 chicken breast. What is it? 4-5-6 or 10-cheese? Make up your mind. Whatever works for you. Stop. Now, to make a little marinade for this chicken, you take you a cup of orange marmalade. You can buy that jar off the shelf, just orange marmalade. How about some lady marmalade, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, lady marmalade. Get you some lemon soup, and check the zest off the outside. That's where you scrape the skin off the outside of the lemon, make it a little zest. Oh, good. Whoa. I thought you meant like zest deodorant soup, man. Then you cut the lemon in half, squeeze the lemon juice all over the chicken. Then you get your cup of chicken broth, pour that over. You take your little sea salt, baby, little ground black pepper. You work all that. You can put it in a Ziploc baggie, seal it up, let it marinate. I don't know an hour or two. And then you take them out and you put the meat onto the skewers. Now you can cut you up a little onion, a little bell pepper. You can marinate those also if you want to. You separate the chicken between each onion and bell pepper, then put another piece of chicken and another piece of bell pepper, another piece of chicken until you use up the whole wooden skewer. Now in the meantime, while those are cooking, you want to make you a little dipping sauce. It's that sesame honey mustard dipping sauce. It is really good. You take a half a cup of honey, half a cup of mustard. Pardon me, but can I use grape pepons? I like that spicy mustard kind of flavor. That's really good for me, but you can use regular mustard, creole mustard, any kind of mustard. And then you take about a half a cup of mayonnaise and two tablespoons of sesame seeds and you can toast them if you want to put them in the oven for just a couple of minutes and then pull them out. Hey dude, can I toast sesame seeds in a regular toaster? No. But so you mix your honey, your mustard, your mayonnaise and your sesame seeds together and then you whip it up really, really good. And after you've done all that, your chicken should just about be ready on the grill. You take them off, you lay them on a nice platter, serve your dipping sauce on the side or you can brush the chicken skewers with the mustard sauce right there while their last minute coming off the grill. Either way, I like to dip mine because I like some flavor without it and I like some flavor with it. I mix it up. I do it both ways. I can go any kind of way. Whoa, Bill. Did Alex just say he goes both ways? That does it. And I thought that's what he said. This is a conservative family show, right? He shouldn't be saying things like, whoa, I mean, oh, Alec, we're sorry, really. Things I could say, man. And you won't. But that's it for my orange ginger skewers with sesame honey mustard dipping sauce. Okay, dude, I'm going out and searching high class tail. Gating. Whoa, maybe they could give me some pointers, man. You can check out all of the fabulous tailgating packages and the to go menu, visit them on the web, namingscatering.com or give them a call at 251-473-3900. And now another song parody by the Roxbury players. I'm glad somebody finally moved into that vacant house down the street, but something funny's going on in that house. And you don't need to be going over there with a welcome basket until we find out what it is. I'm just being neighborly. No, we're keeping our distance. Especially some of everybody. You watch too many cop shows. We'll see about that. Some scary-looking people just moved in down the street and I don't want to meet the neighbors. My husband wants to go by for a little meet and greet, but I don't want to meet the neighbors. There's always lots of splashing, but they don't have a pool. They got a big rottweiler who looks at me and drools and the cops are always over there yet no one has a clue. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I think they got a meth lab over there, too. That's a meth lab. Yeah. Got a conversion van with painted dragons on the side and I don't want to meet the neighbors. The ice cream man won't come here because the children run and hide. I don't want to meet the neighbors. I was going to have a party, lots of girls and pampered chef, but all my friends said, "Uh-oh!" Because they're all scared to death. Are they raising demon camels? Or are they cooking meth? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Listen to that. Those are not ordinary animals over there. Sounds just like your mother. Did you just say that really? Oh. See? The meth lab just exploded. Didn't you hear it? Roger. Did you call the cops? I didn't have to. You haven't noticed they've been staked out at the end of the street all week long. I didn't kiss that house warming and invite goodbye. They'll be holding that party down at Metro. It's time to crank up the Jolene Roxbury Wayback Machine. Hey, Aunt Catherine. It's Jolene. Look, you know, I'm a disaster in the kitchen. But I want to at least try to make gumbo, and yours is so good. I need you to tell me what to do. Okay. All right. You need like three tablespoons of cooking oil. Ma'am? Cooking oil. I got you. That's hot, and you put in two tablespoons of flour. Okay. You need to get a low brown. You cut up two big onions. You put that down when you're gorgeous. And when your roof starts getting a low brown, you put your onions in and leave it cook on a slow pie. Yeah. I could say semi. All right. What happens when I simmer it? Get a low brown. A little brown, okay. And then you put in at least five toads of darlin'. Toads? Toad. Toads? No. Garlic. Okay. And then you put at least three tablespoons of green onion. Then you put two stones of parsley, and you put just a little bit of sweet pepper, because that will take away the taste of your food. You know how sweet pepper is, of the taste of its own. And then you put your sweet pepper to you there. I got the sweet pepper. And then you leave that cook down a little bit. And then you take and you put in about three pounds of shrimp. Six crabs. Six whole crabs? Yeah. But it takes the legs apart and all the other mats. Like you would to take and eat them. And you leave that cook for a little while. Even semaphore while you've got to keep staring at it. Then you put in six, four, or five quarts of water. So I got to simmer all that stuff, yeah? It's on a low pie, yeah. Then you take and go down about maybe about one inch. You can take and turn it real, real low. And then you add your salt and pepper. And then as soon as you turn your pie out, you add your feel like. It's about a half of a teaspoon. Turn it off and it's ready to eat. You put your salt and your pepper that you need. Alright, so what's the total cook time here? Oh, it takes, you have to cook it up. At least three hours, honey. Three hours. Two and a half to three hours. They are low. I don't cook on the hot pie. I never do it. Grandma Labov said you cooked on nothing but high fires. We won't get into that. So what about a side dish? It takes rice. I love rice. Ok. 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Thank you very much for taking us along with you. We are glad to be along for the ride. We will be back in just a couple of minutes. Rock screen! Welcome back to the show. If you are tuning in for the first time, you might be a little confused. You may ask yourself, why are they here? What message are they trying to get across? The short answer to that is we don't got no message. We do. That message is just to come here once a week and have a good time together. Give you a good time. Something to be happy, joyous about, laugh a little bit. We don't really delve into any news particularly and goodness. No politics. No politics here. We don't give our opinions on stuff. If you're a liberal, we don't dislike you. If you're a conservative, we don't dislike you. The only people we dislike are mean people. Mean, hateful people. We just got no use for them. One year, I think this was back in 2016 when the election, nastiness, and the drama had really reached a boiling point to the point where I just turned the news off. And when my blood pressure, I could feel it going up. Just got tired of listening to it all, both sides. Former President Trump made an appearance in Mobile around Christmas time. I think it was his, like, a thank you visit. The visit where the Secret Service approached me. I was in the media tent, and some Secret Service agents, there were two of them. Like they were headed straight for me. Walking with a purpose came out of nowhere. It was very unnerving, but what had happened was I had on some reindeer antlers. It was Christmas time. I was festive. I had on some reindeer antlers standing there having a chat with then Congressman Bradley Byrne and a few other people. And one of the Secret Service agents walked up to me. He said, "Man, I can't believe I'm asking somebody this question, but I'm going to have to ask you to remove your antlers." Seriously. I said, "Okay." Because that's what you say to the Secret Service when they ask you to remove your antlers. You say, "Okay," and you say it quickly. What a trip. But anyway, we just decided to have a little fun with all of what we called the politertainment going on at the time. So here we go. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, huh? Booyah. Candidates on the old campaign trail need our votes. If they want to prevail, keep it fresh. Don't be boring and stale. That's politertainment. Cracking jokes on all those late night talk shows hit the ball. Oh, Parks, hey, toss out the first throw, keep it real. For all us regular folks, that's politertainment. Stay in the spotlight, put on a display. Don't let all the other guys stand in your way. Take a ride on a yacht with Jay-Z and Beyonce. CNN, Foxery News, exposure. You can't lose. Who has a Mercedes Benz? Anybody? Yes, it's clear. Anybody can run, but we're all tired of the games that no fun in the truth. On the politician, the same things are lame. So puff up your game. That's politertainment. What's better? So there you go. That wasn't us getting political. You know what I'm saying? We were just, we were actually fed up with it all. All of the candidates, even ones in the primary and stuff that didn't last very long. They were competing and doing all those late night talk shows and stuff like that. So there you go. That was it. We got it off our chests. And they did give me my reindeer antlers back. Remember when we got a call from California, some of our friends, one of our affiliate stations gave us a call. Mom had popped in on them. Hi, Jolene. It's KBMR in Nevada City. So let everybody know where Nevada City is. California. We cover the Sacramento area. So how are you guys doing? Well, your mother's here. My mother's there. My mom's in Sacramento. Yeah, your mother's here. How did she get there? How am I supposed to know how she got here? All right. Does she need to talk to me? She said not no, but hell no. Sorry about that. The gentleman she's with carrying a, it looks like a, like an urn. Oh, no, this is so embarrassing. Hey, uh, mom's in California. What? She and my dad are in Sacramento. What are they doing in Sacramento? It's a long story. I wasn't going to tell anybody. Just go with me here, okay? It is an urn. Yeah. My dad's cousin passed away, cousin Andy, and he was kind of eccentric. And he was also probably one of the oldest Pokemon players in the world. And he had not played in a lot of years, but when Pokemon Go came out, he got one of the assistants at his retirement village to download the app for him. And that was it. What happened? He was running all over the property and off the property. Fortunately, cousin Andy had a couple of heart attacks, and his heart really wasn't healthy enough to be running around out there in the heap chasing Charmanders, you know? So we had a little intervention with him, and he promised us he was going out just one more time. Got to catch him all, and he did. His Pokemon Go went. No more Pokemon for cousin Andy. Of course he had this really cool urn designed for his ashes. It's a Pokemon urn. It's a Pokemon urn. My dad promised him he would take his ashes out to California and sprinkle them at the base of one of the giant redwoods. We're going to take a trip to show her the Yuba River. It's just downstream from here. Oh, bless your heart. And guess where else we're going, Jolene? Daddy, is that you? Daddy, you guys don't need to impose anymore. You're taking them to the Yuba River and where? And a live burlesque show. My dad asked you to take them to a burlesque show. Hey, it was always on there, Jolene. Somehow I doubt that. Haines, have you noticed how my mother's paying for stuff? She's using the company credit card. Oh, man. Well, I see you. You called the studio line first. Jim said you were surprised the number was still working. I mean, who would have thought you guys would still be on the air? Aren't you kind? So is Mom keeping you entertained? She told me an interesting story. Yeah. She said after your last show, there was a trampoline. A trampoline? Some kind of a trampoline of a lot of people? No. Nobody was trampled at my show. People trampled leading your show? No, it was not a stampede of people trying to leave my show. You're terrible. We love you, Jolene. We love you guys, too. I'll send your mom back. Well, maybe I might keep her. Oh. Who knows? Good luck with all that. Jolene Roxbury Variety, our contains copyright and material and cannot be duplicated or rebroadcast in whole or in part without the express written consent of Makedo Productions. We love you, America. Join us next time for more Madcap Adventures on the Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour. I'm Mr. Announcer. [MUSIC PLAYING]