Meet Josi Dumont! She is a leadership and mindset coach that lives in London! You can find her link tree here: https://linktr.ee/josidumont https://open.spotify.com/show/5XKSKAVes6U8g6HbVUsQ04?si=e004f4283a3f4211&nd=1&dlsi=2007c60f6a1a4179
Emotionally Unavailable
Episode 55: Self First.
Incredibly juicy like it literally makes me horny for life kind of energy. I have a philosophy of self-first. None of my motherfucking business, but we are transcending. Yes, yes, yes, yes. [Music] Welcome to Emotionally Unavailable, the podcast where we dive deep into the world of emotional availability and intimacy. I'm your host, Melissa Hepner, and I can't tell you how excited I am to have you join me on this journey of self-discovery and connection. Whether you're navigating the complexities of relationships or exploring your own emotional landscape, this podcast is here to inspire, empower, and entertain. So get cozy and let's explore the depths of human emotions together. Hello, everyone. I loved meeting Josie. Okay, so Josie lives in London, but I don't think she's British, but we really didn't get into that very much. But I did not press record when we started talking, so I didn't realize it for eight minutes, which made me very sad because we were so super vibing from the start. Anyway, I love Josie. So, uh, Josie is a leadership and mindset coach, and I can certainly see why she has wonderful advice and I will make sure I put her information in the show notes. So, you know, I told you a couple weeks ago that my uncle died, and I went to his funeral last week. And, I don't know, I had kind of a surreal experience where I was, you know, asked to speak a few words or whatever, and it just felt really good to take that opportunity and just not just say good things about, like, my uncle or whatever, but just also this, like, message of truth that I'm trying to spread, it felt good. So, okay, that brings me to kind of what I said to them and I've put out a Facebook reel and a TikTok about this, but, and this started with something that I had been thinking about, and then I did a terror reading for someone. It's just this concept of embracing your darkness, and by that I mean all of the things that you think are stopping you from being that person that you've been trying to become. When I decided to embrace my fire, that meant, at that time, just embracing the fact that I was a little spicy, you know, that I wasn't meek and mild, and that I could still be peaceful without being sweet, I guess. But now it is losing my perfectionism and losing the desire to be perfect, and inhuman, and superhero. I want to have the human experience of fucking up sometimes and figuring it out when I do. And, like, even today, I got really grumpy, really fast as we were leaving because I was tired, and, you know, I had to kind of give myself a pep talk and get over it really quickly before I ruined everyone's time, and also just expended some energy I didn't want to give to a tantrum. When I found myself for just a second being kind of harsh with myself, the fact that I still have episodes like that, but I mean, everybody's a little grumpy sometimes, you know, and I now have the tools to stop being grumpy, and I get to feel really good about the fact that I recognized a pattern and I stopped it in its tracks and I turned it around. That feels way better than never getting that quote-unquote wrong, and that's just one super tiny little example. I mean, I say if you're a person who attaches really fast and, you know, has a hard time with relationships of any kind, I guess, not just attaches too fast, whatever. Let's just say you find yourself to be the center of some shit in relationships. You can hate yourself if you want to. You can just understand that those are lessons, and maybe you're just not asking the right questions yet. I mean, that's okay. None of that is bad. It's what we're supposed to do because we're not ever going to live in a utopia where there's no conflict. That isn't life, and I don't know that anybody would feel like meaningful or like life had a purpose. And I think there's a reason why all the movies and all the books have conflict as a key integral part of the story because we get to watch people rise and fall and rise and fall. And we can just embrace that there's change around every corner. We can flow with it, or we can get in our own way, but I don't want to be another person saying you can't get better hating yourself. I mean, that's whatever. You don't know you're hating yourself really anyway, so you can kind of just start to think about what are the things I really don't like about myself and why? Why do I not like that about myself? And if the reason is because society says I shouldn't do that, well, then that just means you're doing human stuff and you've got to get over care and what society says. I mean, like I said on my Facebook thing, if you're involved in a toxic cycle, then yes, leave people, places and things that are no longer serving your highest self. Leave them. But with you, you take you and all of those strengths that you already have people who overcome don't find qualities somewhere. They're not picking them up as they go. They have those qualities that they unearth within themselves when you have to dig the very deepest and you're in the darkest trenches. You have to go deep and you unearth that shit, but it was already there. It was already provided. You have it. You have all of the things that you think you need and you have all of the qualities that you think you need. It's all there. Maybe you just need to like lose some qualities. Maybe you just need to amplify others, but what you're wanting, you have. But something in you says, but I have these things too that the person I want to be doesn't have novitch. They got it, okay? They got those things too. You know, I don't know why anyone in this day and age would be afraid to say like they got to ask whole mama, but you know, people got to ask whole mamas and they can be successful. That people are involved in very codependent, enmeshed relationships and they can be successful. Yeah, maybe you do things that aren't great for you. Well, I don't know anyone who does every single thing that's perfect for them. We drink, we smoke, we do all kinds of things. I mean, it's fine. You're fine. Whatever programming you receive that tells you that when you can shed some things or gain some things, then you'll be perfect. That fucking thing is a lie, you're never going to be perfect. I mean, slow down, honey, you're chasing after a train that is long gone, but it never even exists. It is a figment of your imagination. There is no such things perfect. So it took me unearthing my shadows of shame for me to see my perfection as standards where I was holding myself to those. Because I did not think in any way that I had an ounce of perfectionism left in me because I was a very broken person rebuilding. So anyway, I was a lot. Okay, I guess I made up for the eight minutes I cut off with Josie, darn it. Um, so yeah, guys, I am believing in big things for myself and so thank you for those of you who are early on the fan train. I love you. I love doing this. It's good stuff. So anyways, here's me and Josie, who does in fact live in London, but we do not know where her accent originates from. And we will find out the next time she's on by golly. All right, here you go. [MUSIC] Like I'm not just this pushy person. I am also very loving and embracing. And there is a very calm side to me that I really enjoy. So I want to get the best out of all those facets. Yeah, really sadly, I just discovered the eight minutes in. I was not fucking recording and that is so on brain for me that I'm so annoyed with myself, but we're going to move past that. And the fact that Jake is again yelling at his gang. But yeah, I was just talking to my cousin last night. We both read Tarot and she was in a thing and she's like, let's each draw a card for each other. And I was like, okay, let's, let's FaceTime because I've been wanting to do that more. I haven't like, I've been doing like private practice therapy and like whatever. So I'm just busy, but I haven't fed that part of me. I was like, oh my God, thank you for suggesting that. I really want to do that, but I was talking to her and I just was telling my family about this too. Like, you can't have light without darkness and you can't have darkness without light and they're all really good parts of us. When we can embrace that we're not going to say everything like fucking Pollyanna and we're not going to do everything the way that, you know, maybe like Renee Brown does or whatever, like we're going to be us. And that means all that dark shit that got us here, that's what helped us all survive our shit. It's beautiful. It is a part of us. It's in our DNA and you can be strong and soft. You can be loud and quiet. You can be all this and I didn't get that until I got to a place where I knew that I was making very snap judgments about people for my safety. I knew I was determining very quickly whether or not this was an energetic exchange that should be in my field. And most people didn't cut, make the cut. We'll just wait. But that's okay. I can't be friends with you. You know, whatever, because thank you next. Yeah, exactly. I was, but it also just deeply affected my current friendships to where like the second you didn't meet an expectation, I can find a reason to switch off any kind of love and be like, well, you just weren't good for me, you know. But I wanted to, it started with just like, I want to see people as more than the one thing. I want to make myself go beyond that initial thing and just really be like, what are you? What else are you? You are kind of cut sometimes. Let's not play. But also you're this and this and this. And I've had to learn like, I'm not really one that like really makes exceptions for behavior or any of that. So it's not like I really ignore red flags or anything. But just, you know, some people are not meant to be in your space. And some people are. But if you're expecting them to meet every last one of your needs and build every whole created from your childhood, well, that we're all going to fail. Yes, that will not work out. Like there's literally an impossible expectation to have with, at your friends, at anyone in your life, even at yourself that you might be like, oh, why, why can't you like deal with this right now? And to have like those two high standards that just put this pressure again, like masculine energy on to us, where we're like forcing to push for something that is not meant. And some of like the most beautiful things around like the feminine energy is to step into receivership is to step into flow is to step into almost not necessarily accepting, but it's around like graciousness in, in the flow and what can be and what is just appearing and what is coming. And it's less controlled. It's less structured. And it's just like, what happens happens. Yeah, good. And it's a choice of you to choose. This is good for me. Like, I can choose even if I go through a shit show, like even when I went through burnout, even when I went through divorce, I could have chosen like, this is all happening to me. And this is really bad. And it's hurting me. And it's like, destroying my whole life. Well, yes, of course, some elements of my life have been literally destroyed. But at the same time, I could make this choice of actually, instead of having the happening to me, it's happening for me. It's actually good for me. Exactly. It's like a Phoenix kind of moment. And that's where you step into your feminine energy, because you're going with the flow and you decide, well, this is just where life puts me now. And that's great. Because now I have all of these new opportunities. There's new possibilities to rebuild exactly how I would love it to be. And to be the person again that I've always meant to be because I can shed this old layer, this old identity of myself, half this Phoenix moment being reborn as a more authentic version of myself. And that feels fucking great. Getting to be exactly who you've always wanted to be. No more hiding, no more cowering, just existing in a space that says, accept me or don't, I have no patchman to that outcome. I'm detached from your perception or anything else outside of myself. I now nourish myself, love myself, appreciate myself, fill myself. And those were all outside jobs before, you know. And I love so much. Everything you just said, because it's such converse like confirmation of the things I've been saying out loud to people for two days now, which, you know, I mean, so I'm at my place in my journey where we hit the rebirth, started things, and then you know that place when you're not making any money, how that can be kind of scary. Got through that. Now we're there. So I was like, you know, I have a Virgo stellium. I don't know if you're into astrology, but I have a lot of Virgo in me. And it helps ground my fucking crazy ass. Thank God. But you know, I got a little Virgo about it. And I was like, okay, I don't want to be my gym. And I asked, but I got to make a plan, even if it's not like all solid, we got a budget, you know, we got to whatever. Because I'm being rebirth in my ideals around money to and myself worth related to money. And I'm like, fuck all that, you know, it cleans like let's all start over. I'm teaching my kids different shit about money, like, that's where I'm at. And I got a little like, I have to make a choice between these two paths. And then I'm like, no, no, no, that's the point, honey. The point is we're going to remain open to what is meant to be ours. I have a full belief that I am just about to step into the most prosperous and abundant part of my life that I've been meant for my whole life. I mean, I'm waiting. Yeah, I'm waiting because it, I mean, in some ways, it's there. Like, I feel it like I am living in my abundance. But you know, I'm talking about, I'm about to make some money. And I'm not afraid to say that. But see, other people don't want you to say that. They don't want you to say it because I'm supposed to what live a life of servitude of others forever for free. Because that's the only way that's the only way you can be humble and whatever. And I'm like, oh, you know, you know, who's real fucking valuable? Me. And so my time is money. My energy is money. My thoughts are money. My heart is money. And that's what I'm putting into everything I'm doing. So no, yeah, I'm, I'm going to get paid. But I'm open. I'm like, whatever is meant to be is going to be for me. And I don't have to sit and pre decide every little step. Because if I do that, no doubt, I'll get it. I'll get whatever I want. If I set a number guarantee you next month, I make that number. I want three times that number. You know what I mean? So like, why am I going to limit myself? So I was like, you're right. And you said, blow and opportunities and whatever. I'm like, Oh my God, that's exactly. I was just like picturing myself as a little water sign, you know, like just in and out of abundance and attraction and just like, I'm not chasing anymore. You know, once I got to a place where I was like, okay, it's all coming together. I don't have to like, you know, consider whoring myself for money anymore. All right. I mean, I would have, I would have had a certain point. Like, I was like, well, anyone went there, they're exactly like, what do we do? Because I don't know what to do anymore. And I'm like, what are we doing? No one else. I was like, honey, um, hear me out. Only fans, you know, like, anything. And I love only fans for people who want to do that. I don't care. I just had a husband who was like, I mean, there's something you put a little thought into that. What? And what would that look like? And I don't know any money. You know, that's all I know. But now that like, I have a little bit of income and stuff, and it's not like great. But I know it's coming, you know, like, I'm on the path, but I'm like, okay, you don't fucking want to control everything. Because what you're capable of isn't what you're asking for. What I can do on my own is far less than what I'm saying. I'm ready to have a global impact, you know, which will mean a lot of different things. But yeah, I think embracing that femininity and just saying, I don't have to control it all. I don't have to myself safe by putting everybody else in a box and every experience in a box. You know, yes. Oh my gosh. Do you know what the other thing that came up for me is also like, we don't only receive obviously in like form of money, we receive in so many different forms. And as soon as you open yourself up to that conflict perspective, that opportunity of the abundance that is already around you in different forms. So prime example I have from this week, I was cat sitting for like the cutest cat ever like cat lover over here. But I also had to take care of the garden and the owner was like, oh, I have some tomato plants. Like if they arrived, just take them. And I was like, okay, I know mine. And I got the best tomatoes that were so flavorful. And I was just like, that's abundance, that's receivership, that's flow, that's opportunity right there. Thank you more, please. Yeah, I was telling my friend when we were recording yesterday, that now if I even accidentally voice a worry, I stop right then. I don't care who I'm talking to. I'm like, um, real quick, I attract wealth, health, opportunity, prosperity and abundance. So just so you know, and that's all I attract. So you know, I kind of back that I'm being very careful about all media I consume. Anything I'm not allowing that shit in anymore, because it really does have an impact. And for people in the world who aren't as woo, woo, as I am, that's backed by science. Like your subconscious has the ability to take in anything you want and believe it and respond. So when you sit around, I was just telling a client this, when you sit around imagining worst case scenario, your body thinks that's what's happening. And it's going to respond to court. It's going to give you all those stress hormones to deal with it. That keeps you alive in stress. That was because people used to actually be in a life or death situation 24/7. Honey quit running from the bear, like just sit the fuck down, you know? Yes. Oh my gosh. Oh my God. That is so, so true. I feel like the other thing also is obviously what you focus on, you grow and you are like what you surround yourself with. So that is such a crucial point to just point out. It's not just the people, but it's what you surround yourself with all the time, especially like your phone. I don't have my phone with me right now. But if you constantly have on your phone, like if you're being exposed to like those negative things that trigger you, then obviously they will kind of like influence your subconscious and you keep on focusing on that kind of shit. And you will be like, oh, well, she's got a great life, but I don't have that or she's making those kind of like six figures, but I don't have that or like, oh, she said I need to do it this way. So that means I'm doing it all wrong and it's all like not right. So obviously that will influence you how you go through life and how you also see yourself because you can easily see yourself as a failure, someone who constantly makes mistakes, someone who doesn't ever do anything right. But by saying like, no, thank you, I'm not available for this, you can choose to like what are you then available for like focus on yourself, compare yourself to only yourself, like only your biggest enemy is your own mind. It's your own limiting beliefs. It's the shit that you make up in your mind. That's what you got to focus on to and to shift. Because again, if you then focus on what is actually good in your life, the abundance and that will grow. So it's really about stopping to focus on the problem, making this problem even bigger than it actually is how much fun is from a fly into an as a focus on the problem. Yeah, exactly. So we got to shift it to focus on you. So you grow yourself and naturally the problem turns into back into a fly and you're like, why did I even worry about this? And that will help you to overcome it. We all are avoiding looking at ourselves. We've avoided that our whole lives because that's your survival skill. You can't be emotionally available in an environment that you're sick in when you're still living the trauma and whatever. If you were to try to experience those feelings at all times, you'd be incapacitated felt. I got that. But if you are not looking at yourself and you're constantly blocking feelings, then you are focused on the negative and a discovery that I really, you know, I know that people have said out loud a lot of the shit I'm espousing now, but I didn't understand it in the way that I do now. So I'm not claiming to have come up with all these new theories, but you know, I don't listen to people. I don't because I have always had an intuition. And so if it's not resonating, then it's not for me right then. Now these things came to me at a really good time. And I've had to do so much fucking shadow work. So it's like a new thought every single day. But I was like trying to work on, you know, how you can kind of dismiss people like, yeah, even if it's only in your brain and you like, I don't care. I was like, oh, okay, I'm doing that because I'm dismissing a feeling within myself. I don't want to face something because I'm afraid, not because it will be, but because I'm afraid of how hard that will be. It will hurt me so much. You know what hurt me so much pushing every mother fucking friend I've ever had away, but you know, being the most insanely jealous wife ever, being a hyper critical fucking mom, sitting in the pain that I've caused other people, that hurts. Basing myself. It's almost embarrassing that it took so long because it's not hard and it's not sad. It's fucking empowering to be like, oh, okay, I'll fuck that up a little bit. But even like this podcast, like you were saying, like you can hate yourself and say, oh, I've made all these mistakes or whatever, or you can just fucking roll with it and be in that flow. Like when I started the podcast, I said, okay, perfect is the enemy of good. I have no fucking idea what I'm doing. I have no idea. And I took forever to start a podcast because I thought I needed a co-host because I thought I wasn't interesting enough to do it myself. I thought the same. And that took me two years to then finally be like, no, you know, well, fuck that. I just do my own thing. That's about how long it took me to. Are we sisters? Because it feels like we are. I know. You even look a lot like one of the AI pictures that I used for myself one time because I put in real pictures. I put in real pictures and I let AI make a cartoon image of whatever it does. It doesn't make it exact, but you're gonna have to see that. But I was like, I have no idea what I'm doing. None. But I knew I wanted to start because I wanted to air it on a certain date and I was releasing a couple books and what's crazy is so much bad shit happened around those books. Just in tech world, everything was in fucking retrograde and I was in the midst of hell. So I can't even. But everything was going wrong. And I was like, okay, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but we're gonna do it. And I did. And those early episodes are rough. You know, I mean, not that it sounds super professional and shit now, but like editing is much better. I've got a flow of things, you know, I know exactly how to get all the episode put together and upload it, whereas I was like struggling. And you know, just everything was just a fucking nightmare at first, but I knew I was supposed to do it. I knew it. I knew it. Like I had been wanting to do it for years and it was a calling and I was just ignoring it because I thought I needed somebody to do it with me. And I'm not embarrassed at all about those early episodes. I don't give a shit. I wouldn't embarrass them. Like, I was stressed because I was like, well, if you're encountering this many roadblocks, does that mean you shouldn't do this? And I was like, no, stop it. You're just looking for a reason to quit. Because I knew, you know, like, and so now I'm just like, okay, we're moving along. And sometimes I have to go on threads and be like, I need two people so that I'm not scrambling on Sunday, you know, I'm gonna get these done. And then I post three episodes a week, but my Friday episodes are always with my friend. And because that is fun. I like we get to catch up then right now we've been doing a little book club on this book that's changed our life exponentially. Have you heard of finding peace? No, I haven't. I put that on my two read list right now. It's actually a work book and it is the best shit I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. Yeah, it's we are such better healed versions of ourselves than when we found this. I found it by way of this is crazy, but I was on Facebook and people I might know, you know, and a girl was on there and I was like, oh, this is new. Who is she? And I was like, I bet she's related to my husband because I had just befriended her brother. And so I was like, I bet that is. So I went to look and she had one public post from a few years ago. And I'm nosy. I was like, what's this? So I looked and it was very just like pulling out me. And I was like, I need to talk to her. I don't know why, but I need she has a story and, you know, that like, I want to talk to her. So I reached out shook forever to get back to me. And then when I like I'd forgotten about it by the time she's like, okay, I want to do this. And that changed my life because she is also like, she's, I think just graduated with her masters in social work. She's on the clinical path. But her boss is who wrote this book. So she's been learning this stuff for a few years and taught me about it. And I was like, the fuck. So we bought the book and we've been doing it. And that's what our book club on Fridays is about. It's changed our lives. It's what I'm like, begging my clients to buy. And I'm like, all pay the $25 back to you out of my pocket. No shit. If you do not get the benefit that I did, if you do this work, and it doesn't heal you the way I have been healed, I'll give you double that money back. I don't give fuck, it's 50 bucks. You know, like, yeah, because I believe in it that much. But what I realized is we're all the same. Every fucking one of us are struggling with the exact same thing. So I wondered for you as a leadership and mindset coach, what are the common things that you are hearing? I feel like I already know the answer to this. But so I like want to know what you say. But what are the things that women are saying? Like, what are their roadblocks? What are the most common things that you hear that you're like, baby, no, letting it. Oh, there's so many. But I feel like, so just as a pre kind of like preface, they all go back to self doubt. They all go back to us, not truly trusting ourselves, especially women. Like in whatever we do, but it's so natural, because we've been conditioned that way. We've been taught to not trust ourselves. We've been taught to trust into men. And that might be a total like side run, but to just know that's all I do. Someone else. Yeah. So we obviously focus always on someone else. And we always were punished. We were punished for speaking up for being ourselves or doing cool shit. So naturally, literally got conditioned as, oh, we can't show who we truly are. And we need to be quiet. And we are never ever good enough. Okay. Right. Yeah. So those are the common themes. Like it, all of my clients literally come with this belief of, I'm not good enough. I don't feel like I'm capable. It feels fucking scary when I get out there and truly show myself if I'm really like, all of those things, like they don't even know what it feels like to tap into their authentic self who trusts themselves like fully and deeply. And it's just like so connected to their authenticity. So that's like the most common theme. But the magic is as soon as they tap into it, and they learn it's actually safe to do so nowadays. Thank fuck. Oh, because there's communities of people like us now fucking do it by every get up. Get out there and show yourself. And obviously in a coaching space, you have this safe environment where they're like, Oh my gosh, I can actually explore this. And no one is punishing me for this. And this actually feels great. And I love it. Good things about myself. Yeah. Because you're over there celebrating that with them. You're like, fuck. Yeah, I like it. Yeah. Yeah. And this is pretty much exactly what I would have thought that your answer would be. And I remember, and I will tell you this, I would be curious if you still have this at all. I'm good with everything, except for I'm not good at, let's say I'm at a random place and I feel this kind of like soul connection with someone. I want to hand them one of my cards and say, I have a podcast. I think that whatever I'd love to connect in the future, whatever can't do it. I don't want to say I can't do it. I can. I know that I can. I have. I don't like to do it. It's still not comfortable. Do you still kind of experience like shyness or around stuff? Oh, that is a very good question. I definitely do. But then at the same time, I acknowledge it in the moment. So whenever I feel like resistance or like fear or shyness, because that is obviously like protection mechanism, it comes from fear. It comes from, oh, we want to stay safe. So we shouldn't maybe do that. Don't believe in ourselves. So maybe we shouldn't do that. It comes from fear and it comes from self doubt. So if you catch yourself in the moment, you can always be like, okay, intuition on, please, thank you. And really just ask yourself, do you feel a forward pull to doing this right now? So intuition says, yes, then cool, go for it. If your intuition actually pushes you back and says, not today, then that's fine too. Sometimes it's just a not today, but you can still form a connection with that other person or you can still maybe tap into that situation where you felt shy about or where you felt scared about and easy way into it. Maybe you don't need to go like 100% into it immediately, but use yourself in to break it down, make it easy on yourself. Again, we don't want to be fully in this masculine energy way. Just like, no, get your ass up and do it. Oh my God, you're so right. And I was trying to do that again. I battle the masculinity all the time, you know, like, yes, God damn it, you're so smart. This is why you're leadership in mindset. Okay, no, that actually does help because I was I was trying to be all you go do it, you know, and I'm like, I really don't want to. And I know that I'm fucking supposed to is the thing because this connection stuff, this feeds me in a way that nothing else can, nothing else, whether it's hard-ass therapy, whatever, I can love talking to people so much. And I finally get to talk to people. I don't feel bad that like, I'm a fucking talker, you know. And so I want to, I want to connect with these people, especially when I feel like you can be helped, you know, like, I'm supposed to imprint on your life and I'm what stay. So yeah, I'm just not, I do trust myself and I fucking trust my intuition so much. So looking at it like, Hey, you're being led to this because it's meant for you, not because it's meant to hurt you. And even if you get your feelings hurt, it was supposed to be a lesson, like, and what if the fucking girl at the coffee counter rejects you? Honestly, like, in the grand scheme of things, you know, you're going to be rejected a little bit and whatever, but none of it was like a rejection anymore. So I guess I'm still placing other people kind of on a pedestal, even if I don't know them. So thank you for that because that is life altering shit right there. And I need to get better at it, but not even just I want to hand someone a business card, I want to connect and I'll feel too nervous, you know, and I just got to get past that. But I think also that's, that's been kind of a hold back in my ability to really figure out, because I am booked for a couple of like, symposium type things. Now I want to do teaching the messages I have to large groups of people so that then they can go help, however many people they can help. So like, I really, I want to help professionals, teachers, coaches, doctors, you know, all these people to heal themselves so that they can show up for the people they're trying to help in an authentic manner, quit fucking play acting your role, you know, like, if you're a teacher, be a teacher, be what you're posting on Facebook, because I see what you're doing here. But what you're saying here, I know why there's a disconnect there, no judgment, no judgment, you're just not being your best self, but you got all that before you can expect this from anyone else. And how can anyone be attracted to your light if you're not letting it shine. So learning how to state the intention of I want, I don't want to just be a public speaker, there's nothing wrong with that. But that's not my, that's not what I'm doing. I'm teaching something pretty specific and want to make the new world a part of that, because if people don't know that everything's about to fucking change in a really big way, well, they better start learning some shit because it is. So, you know, first of all, this next generation coming up is going to be a fucking powerhouse, you know, Oh my God, yes, I'm so excited for it because they're so, they love people and they're fucking healing. And like, you know, first of all, my baby, he's almost 22, you know, he's finally getting over some of the trauma from my ass. But you know, when you're raised with emotionally unavailable mom, you get some shit and you know, get out. And now I'm realizing what the fuck I've done and I'm repairing. So we have to approach things a certain way, because I'm having to like go back and fix messaging and programming that I have given to these children. But I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to be afraid to be like, yo, no, I want I'm gonna be like a fucking masterclass badass bitch, you know, because but like I'm not just, I'm also wanting to co-op. I want like people like you and I want us all to understand that we're all in this together, no matter what. Yes, leave arms or we can fucking bait the shit out of each other in the comments section, which one do you want? Because I'm not going to attend the comment section. You know, because it's like, no, I mean, I'm only doing this social media shit because you have to, if you want to do whatever, I'm, you know, it's working. So that's good. But eventually I would like to, you know, maybe have like an assistant do that stuff because I don't enjoy that stuff, except for like, if I really have something to say, that's fine. I love doing that as you can always jump in. Yeah, and then I do it. And I feel great about that. But all the monotonous bullshit, you know what I'm talking about, you know, it can just, it can get kind of overwhelming. Sometimes when you're having to do these little things just to market yourself when you're like, well, if anybody would just realize how fucking smart I am, you know, I mean, this would save us all a lot of trouble. Then y'all could just book me and I can do my thing and we'd all be happy. The thing though is like people will not know unless you tell them. So you got to get out there obviously and be like, Hey, I'm really fucking great at this book me. This is the reasons why this is how I do it differently. If you vibe with me, then we are a team and we get going. But they need to know and they can only know by you going on the stage and be like, Hello, here I am. And I know that can be the scary bit being like, here I am, like, look at me and obviously you receive everything. But then again, it comes down to what you're focusing on. Are you focusing on the competition of like all the others? How they are doing it? There's so many other people doing the exact same thing. They're saying the same things. Or are you focusing on that is so much potential for collaboration for doing things together for making some magic happen together. So it's really up to you. How you do that? Yeah, I really want the collaboration. I feel for me, that's like where I really sit in that femininity because before I did need all the validation that came only to me if I were to accomplish something because that was the only way I felt worthy or valuable was to accomplish. And now that ain't it because the proof is in the pudding. When people, when we connect, I'm changed, they're changed. You and I are hoping to walk away from today with some valuable shit from each other. And this is what I want. I just think it's not just like you have to love yourself enough to not hate other women and to understand that that is just programming you've received throughout your lifetime. And you don't have to, if you don't want to declare yourself a feminist, that's okay. No one's asking you to. What we are asking is that you stop hating yourself and projecting that on to other women because that's all that is because if you see, there's a reason women have been held back and held down because we are even stoppable when we need to think there's the reason we're the ones having kids, you know, like our bodies alone are designed to withstand pain that brings you to the brink of death. That is what our bodies will do. You know what I said the other day to my boyfriend, like he was like, well, but like man, when I created first, right? And then the woman came and I was like, yeah, but the thing is you had that first draft that was shit and then it was more like, whoa, man, that's what we then created, which was a better version, not that I am like believing and obviously that kind of stuff, but yeah, I was just like, just see this way, like we can do so many cool things that it's just mind-blowing to me. And I feel like when women come together and they are in this energy of being the best selves, they are showing up authentically, it's like an amplifier of, yes, incredibly juicy, like it literally makes me horny for life kind of energy. Thank you more of that, please, please. Yes, no one could have said that better, abs are fucking lutely, it is so symbiotic. And I don't know, like, it's just more fun, like you have so much more fun. But you know, the biggest part for me is the level of compassion that I feel for people in general now, because I'm like, oh God, I know what that feels like, I feel you, dog. Like, you know, people can be saying incredibly rude shit and I'll just be sitting there like, boy, you're really hurt, aren't you? Where before I was reactive and like, oh bitch, you know, whatever, but now I'm like, okay, I get it, I get it. Yeah, you're just, you're wounded like I am and you you're not working on your wound yet. And I don't need them to be in my life necessarily if they're not healthy for me, but I don't have to hate them either. I don't have to anything. And the thing about being full of self, and I have a philosophy of self first. So that's literally my life philosophy, always me first. Thank you. Yeah. And like, that's the whole fucking sentence. And when you're able to do that, and then you reach that level of compassion, there is no comparison. Yes, women, we're still going to experience momentary jealousy and momentary negativity, though your brain's capable of doing that at all times. It's just what you do with it. I've known that forever, like, Oh, okay, sometimes I get jealous when my friend picks my other friend and not me. Okay, you acknowledge that shit, you name it and you move the fuck on, you don't sit in jealousy and then start to talk shit about your friend because she hung out with her other friend and said to you, that's what we're talking about here is just mindset shifts, you know, this just shift just a little bit and see from a different point of view in a different paradigm. And it can mean something different than and you can just allow, allow that space to create beautiful things together, whatever that looks like. I mean, you know, for us, we're talkers and, you know, thinkers and all of that shit. Some people are just really good at numbers and some people are really good at this and whatever, do whatever the fuck, just do it with people, bring someone, bring someone up with you, you know, not people who are pulling you down. That's why you have to do that internal work first, so that you're not still trying to get approval validation and acceptance by bringing someone up with you. But really, they're just dragging you down the whole way, you know, they're holding you back, let them go. But you know what I'm saying, you got to you got to just dig in and be like, hey, I trust that I have surrounded myself with people who share my values in my direction and my dreams, you know, like, I have no doubt that you have all the same dreams I do. None. Yeah, I can tell too. Yeah, like, but this is what I told the universe, send me the people that I'm supposed to have. I'm not chasing anymore. You send me, I'm attracting whoever's supposed to be in my space, please come because I'm ready, I'm open, and we're going to make moves together. I love it so much. And I feel like the other part obviously is also around, you recognize in what is your zone of genius, especially because you mentioned, like, getting in a system for the social media stuff. So it's also surrounding yourself with the people who can do the things that you can't do. And that's also a part of learning and getting to know yourself and learning what you can do, what you're good at, what you're not good at. And that's totally fine. We're not born to be perfect at everything. We're not born to be masked with everything. There are things that we might not be great at if it's accounting, if it's social media, if it's anything else, if it's like designing whatever we need for a business, like, that's the purpose of then coming together, collaborating with others who can then create this massive magic, this massive momentum, again, amplifying another's talents zone of geniuses to really create this magic. And that doesn't mean you have to do it all alone. No, you do it with others. And also acknowledging obviously, if there are people in your life that have not contributed to that, then that's totally fine. And people who are not understanding that, that's totally fine. And how I always see it is, if you can be with me on this ride, but you don't have to, I would still love you. I'm still grateful for this connection. At the same time also, if you are putting me down, then I will be like, no, thank you. Next. So I'm very actually strict with setting boundaries. And I have a very strict boundary, for example, with my dad. So I do not have a relationship with him because for a long time, he would be so manipulative onto my reality of things. So that was one connection where I had to be like, I need to choose myself first. And my own happiness first, people called me selfish, people called me a bitch and be like, how dare you do that to your father. But I'm like, there is a reason, like it's not just me being like, Oh, I want to be a bad child and black sheep, and do that to your father, you've responded to his bit jazz. That's what you yes. Yes. And I was like, no, I'm acknowledging like he's very hurt right now, but I can't heal him. This is not my responsibility. He needs to go through this himself. It's not mine. And right now I just need to focus on me. And it was a similar theme for a long time with my mom. So, but what she then started to doing is she similar to you, she started healing herself. She did the work. She did the work. And that's how we then managed to reconnect again and rebuild a relationship as well. So again, it really starts all with you, but you still have a decision and choice to make of who you keep in your life. If they are not available for doing the healing work on themselves, then again, it's not your responsibility. And you have the absolute right to say, this is not good for me. I choose myself. And I focus on the people who are amplifying what I really want to make happen in this world, and how I can create my personal best life. So they can also create their personal best life. And that's what we want to then see. That's how we create this impact in the world that's making this world a better place. That's how I see it. Because I think, I don't know if I'm going to say this correctly, but I think you and I both see us being our best selves when we feel that something we did helped you become your best self. So if somebody's trying to feed our insecurities instead of amplify the abundance, obviously that's not going to be good for us. But the separation from people who just shouldn't necessarily be in your energetic field, if you can view that from a place of love for yourself instead of a place of hatred for them, that's where compassion can come in. When you love yourself enough to say, it's just not good for me. But I don't have to do that from a place of masculine anger. I can flow away from you. I can just float down stream and get them between us because you're not good for me. Your energy will literally pollute everything I'm trying to do. And parents, they're tough in this arena because how can you actually continue a relationship with the people who put the most of your self-criticism and self-doubt within you if they haven't started to heal and make repair for that? How can you if doing this work that we're doing and believing in ourselves to this level, it can't be done if you're surrounding yourself with anyone who hasn't come to you and said, I'm so fucking sorry. Like I had no idea that telling you that you didn't look good in that dress so that nobody at school would say it to you because I didn't want you to be embarrassed like I was. Just so you know, I never did that. But it was done to me. I don't want to skip, but not that one, thank God. But those are the things I think of now for sure. It's in the front and center. In my heart, I don't like some of the stuff this baby walks out the house in, but I'm like, I love you. None of my motherfucking business. If that's what you've had around you and they haven't come to you and said, you know, actually, nothing was wrong with what you were wearing. But when I was raised, this is what they were saying. And that was just shouting at me as you walked out of your bedroom in that outfit. And I am so sorry. I didn't recognize that that's what was happening. If they can't do that, they don't, they don't deserve you. I mean, I'm sorry, but that's the truth. I'm not asking anyone to go cut off their parents. But I am saying, you can, you can float away and you can come back. You can do what you need to do. Take your space, but do it from a place of love for yourself, not anybody else. None of this is about anyone else anyway. No, this is all about, like this one life that we have, it's about us. Like, it's our experience. And we want to make this the best experience possible. And if you cut other people out, it should never come, as you say, like from a place of hatred or negativity or being just like holding on to those grudges, because then you just keep yourself chained up to this past that happened to you. And we want to cut them off. Yeah. We got to be like, no, no, no, no, we got to detach from all of those chains and be like, I forgive you. And I forgive myself also, like, because it's always like a two for kind of thing. And I show myself grace, I show you grace. And for me, for example, I have so much love and gratitude for both of my parents. I know they did the best they could. At the same time, I'm also acknowledging like, with love, I don't need you in my life. And that's totally fine. So if you come from that place and you really free yourself of those chains, that's when you really get to not be selfish, but to be in your own best self to live your best life. Right. And, you know, even if if you're a person who has the type of relationships where you can just set a really hard firm boundary of like, you don't get to say that shit to me. And that works. That's fine. I'm going to acknowledge though, that all of what we're saying sounds very out there for the people in the trenches. And I get that. So I know anyone who's triggered by anything that we have said this far, I hope we'll stop and ask them why. If you're dismissing what we are saying, what are you not wanting to feel within yourself? Because that's what you're doing and you're blocking every fucking opportunity that could just be right at your door. They are there. There's already opportunities that people aren't seeing because they're stuck in their shit. I get it been there, been there, you know, okay. But also, I think in that whole balance of masculine and feminine and dark and light and all of that, that's keeping us stuck because you think you have to be this or that or that or this. We're all of it, honey. Embrace it all. Yes. We have 50 shades of gray. Thank you. I mean, shit, throw in a fucking hormone cycle. And it's he now. Oh my gosh. Yes. That's so true. How many times have you been like in such a good mood and you've been talking? Yes. And you know, it's like, Oh my God, my life is so good. And you've romanticized the shit out of everything. Yeah. And the next day you wake up and you're like, fuck that. Yeah. And then they almost feel fraudulent for the shit you thought and felt the day before because. And then I'm like, what astrological transit is happening right now to make sure someone's throat. It's like a hormonal impostor syndrome kicking. That's why when I wake up, I kind of check in and I'm like, all right, I'm a little grumpy. I must not have gotten enough sleep. I start to warn everyone at that point because I'm a person who can go about shit crazy when I'm tired. So I'm like, guys, I need you to tread lightly this morning. I'm a little tired and it's making me just a little bit snappy. But, you know, doing the work, I understand why I'm behaving the way I am. I understand why they're bitchy in the morning. You know, so it's easier for me to be like, okay, grumpy and walk off than before when that would have been like, you're saying, you don't love me at seven o'clock in the morning because you're grumpy to me? You know, that's what I'm asking people. Look at your wounding. Look at the core narratives. Like, why do every single one of us feel like we're always going to be alone to deal with everything heavy? We all feel like no one's ever chosen us, that we've never been anyone's number one priority and that no one has our back. Every fucking person. The thing there is, we got to be that person. We got to have our own back. We have to be our own first priority. We have to be that one person who's just always there for us who's always choosing us our whole life because we are the person who stays with us from the moment we are born until we die. This is the one relationship we cannot break. This is the one relationship we always have to work on. Like, we need to be for ourselves the most important person in our lives. And I so strongly believe that if everybody would be like, they're not narcissistic, not like, oh my gosh, I sun that everybody revolves around be like, no, thank you, not nothing of that shit. But to just acknowledge, like, if everybody is just truly in the game, in their own game, not in anyone else's and not faking to anything, like being anyone else or, like, all of that stuff, then it's where we truly have this understanding for another and we can let go of those expectations that, oh, but you don't think like, why am I not like your most important, like, person in your life? Like, no, of course not because they need to be their own important person. Right. And to me, that leads back to the compassion piece too, because you start to see where other people felt that same shit you felt. And then you're like, Oh, well, honey, you aren't alone. You have you, you know, and it sounds so contrite. And I would never try to push it on someone too soon because until they understand their wounding and how their narratives were created, it's so triggering. And then you just get lost in the trigger. I feel you, I'm with you, I'm holding you, but it is the fucking truth. It is the truth. We have to put ourselves first because if not, you can't be what you're wanting to be in the world. And it's no longer how can I serve others. I want to impact others. But through myself first, so I'm putting all that love into me. And the one thing that I really found recently in my work was like, what, why do I still, okay, I'm still kind of struggling. Like, I want my people to be proud of me, you know, like, like, I don't do things for their pride. But when I do things, I want to tell them and then be like, I'm so proud of you, you know. And so when I'm not getting that, I'm like, you know, who is proud of you, fucking me, like, I'm proud of me, you know, because I want to thank me, like, yeah, that fucking thing started being like a little meme or whatever. I was like, that was, I loved it. I was like, yes, this is the vibe. I want to thank me. I literally wrote that actually in my book. But yeah, like the gratitude section, I was like, okay, first up, I want to thank me for writing this book for showing out for working all through all of that shit that was holding me back from writing it. And then I moved on to others. But first I was like, no, no, no, this is, I wrote this book for me. So yes, I am thankful to you. Well, my next one will think my mother fucking self. I didn't, I didn't before but I hadn't done the work. So, you know, but even then, I know without a doubt, I could have gotten that first book I wrote published through a traditional publisher, but it felt too scary to face any sort of rejection. I couldn't handle criticism. I couldn't, you know, anything. Now I submitted my last little children's book because I, I loved learning how to do the self publishing stuff of the kids books because I used AI illustration. It was so fun. And I mean, I can write it and have it released in two days, like it's so easy. But I've decided to get over the fear of rejection and start with little publishing houses only because they accept submissions over the computer. It's so easy that way. Like, I don't have a lot of time right now. So I did, and I'm just expecting, like, at some point, this is going to happen. I just, even though there can be a little bit of self doubt pop up, I don't have to even talk to that doubt. I can just be like, but I'm expecting a yes. Like, I am worthy of a yes. And no, it doesn't dismiss the yes that I just have to wait for. Don't quit. Of course, people are saying, no, you know, some of those publishers are jealous too. Like, they're battling their own, do you? I mean, so serious, you know, they're like, Oh, no, I don't really want to help make the next best seller. Like that makes me feel insecure, because most people who get into publishing like writing. So, you know, people are dealing with their shit. And just because someone says the most incredibly cruel shit to you, don't, don't let that come to you. Like, you do fucking send that right back out, because that was never meant for you anyway. They're talking to themselves. That's all the shit they're saying to themselves. And that's why they're where they are. But we are transcending. Yes, yes, this is. And you know, what just came up for me was like a really great gamification. Actually, that I think I learned in the very beginning of when I did my coaching certification, they were saying, try and get like 50 or 100 notes. Like your goal is to be rejected and celebrate the milestone, celebrate when you got 10 rejections, celebrate when you got 20, celebrate when you got 30, 40, 50, like even bigger celebration. But collect them and get used to them, get comfortable with them, because for every rejection, there will eventually be also an acceptance. There will be someone who says, Mark, yes, I love this woman, I want to work with her, I want to publish her book. So I feel like that is such, such a great way to just, I don't know, take a little bit of fear at the end of it and just be like, okay, cool, let's collect 50 rejections. Let's go because it also gives you permission to be like, I can be messy, I can just put myself out there, whatever I like. If I get a rejection call, it's another tick on my box that I wanted to achieve, you rejected as me and not some play acting version of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did that too, just even trying to ask people to be on the podcast at first whenever I would ask. I mean, a couple of them hurt my damn feelings, but mostly not. And it was just like, obviously, there's a million, whatever people on the planet, you're going to get some nosed before you get some yeses. I mean, it's fine. It's really not obvious. And a no doesn't mean you're a piece of shit who I just don't even think should be doing this. They're saying no for their own shit. Like, yeah, sometimes it's fear. Sometimes it's scheduling, whatever. The part, I mean, I'm just going to be really honest. The part I still kind of have like trouble understanding is like, whenever I'm like, we'd be on my podcast, however I word that. And they're like, respectfully, no. This thing is, but it doesn't mean anything about you, right? No, it doesn't. It doesn't. It's just like, confusing a little bit sometimes to wear, because like, I'm like, what would I say if a stranger asked me, I'd say no out of fear. You know, so I'm not what I'm gonna let someone else's fear feed into my fear. No, I mean, I'm trying to starve my fear, you know, because fear is designed to protect you. So let the real shit happen, you know, let that adrenaline save you from the bear. Don't initiate a stress response over a no, you know, like, yes, I can't believe now that 10 minutes ago, I had to be like, how do you think I got to get over this? I don't want to talk to strangers in public thing, like, you know, because it is the same exact thing. And I remember, because you know, I've watched like personal development for a lot of years, so I was pretty used to the go for the no. So I was like, okay, that's the mindset I have to have, like, you got to get a lot of notes before you're going to get a yes. So it was so shocked whenever I got a yes, like sooner, you know, okay, now that's the expectation. Yeah, well, well, you know what I mean, whenever like the shit you're doing starts to work, you know, like, you say to yourself, I have a theory that if I just did this, blah, blah, blah, you do it. It works like I'm so fucking smart. Okay, let's have this to the list of things we can teach me because then that was good shit. Good job, Melissa. Yes. Oh my gosh. I love it when I have those moments like, Oh, my gosh, pastor, I see what's a fucking genius. Do you understand how many times, like, in therapy, I'll be like, da, da, da, da, da, and they're like, Oh my god, they whatever. And I'm like, I'm so good at this. Like, I can't even like what, or I'm doing a tarot reading, you know, and I'm just poking connecting with you so much. And everything's just blowing and they're like, Oh my god, life changing. I'm like, I'm so good at this. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful to be tapped into every ounce of who I am. And that's the thing is like, all these things that I thought that I, you know, like, I didn't used to have tattoos that you could see because I was very, I want to be able to be present. I wanted to be able to mask and be a chameleon with anyone, right? Well, when you have tattoos all over you, you get a certain people perceive you a certain way. I didn't want to be perceived that way. But then one day I was like, you know, who really doesn't care anymore me? And I got my nose pierced and started, you know, I've always had tattoos. They were just hidden. But I was like, Nope. Nope. Everywhere I'm getting more as soon as I'm not broke. Like, I'm so excited to get more. Like, you know, but, but oh my gosh, my soul system, because I am like, literally the same. Like, in the beginning, when I got my first tattoo, I was like, okay, it needs to be on my back. Like, I need to be able to hide it. And even with that, like, I got those comments of people like, Oh my gosh, are you sure? Like, this would be on your body forever. Like, this is unprofessional. Yeah, but if you don't like it anymore, at some point, I'm like, well, if I do, then well, shit happens. I'm sure I was looking at my back. So I think, yeah. Yeah. And now I'm like, okay, tattoo my whole arm, please thank you. And I have like the weirdest shit on it. Like, I've got a donut, I've got noodle soup, I've got like very much anime inspired. It's like, when I started the 13th last year and got so many fucking stupid little $13 tattoo. I got, I got this little diamond. And then I got a little cat right there. Yeah. And a bomb. You know, bomb. And then I got a fucking Illuminati. Just being stupid. Oh, and then I like one of these. I don't remember. This one was not over here was the fucking who knows. It was fun. It was just, I like, that's not something I would have done before. I don't even, I don't give a fuck. Like, you know, but the thing is now they all tell a story about who you were in that moment and who you are and what contributed to who you are now. So I'm just like, these are such great little reminders of my authentic self. And I want to be reminded of that, like every single day. So I want to have them on display. Yep. And that's my piece. And also, if, if that's a real quick way to weed out the people who aren't meant for me, good riddance. Goodbye. We're doing fashion and grace and hope we're a good future for you, but you're not going to be a part of mine. Yeah. Because honey, um, tattoos are the least of my offensive shit. Let me tell you that match. And so if you don't like that, you're probably not going to like me very much. So it's, this is good. I have an outward symbol of what you may not be attracted to. Goodbye. That's fine. We don't have another space. It's a great filtering system. Yeah, it kind of is because people take tattoos real seriously. I didn't even realize it until I started doing it. I was afraid they would, but boy, how do they do now? I don't notice people's responses. And plus I'm so like magnetized by my own damn self. It's crazy. Like, I don't know if that makes sense, but like, I'm like, well, I really am a magnet. Like, I just feel it. I feel energy shifting towards me when I'm walking through spaces. I feel attention. You know, but none of it feels like they're judging me. Or maybe I just don't fucking care if they are, but it's like, okay, maybe this, you know, maybe I had to be this most authentic version of myself because being in someone's space is kind of the only way nowadays because we consume too much. And we think a lot. So we think we know everything, but yeah, we don't know shit. I don't know shit either. Like I'm not claiming to have all the answers. I got more than some people, but you know, I'm still work is never ending. We're going to be treating our whole lives, you know, but that's why we need that co-op because you need people around you who have better or different strengths than you do so that they can help you and you can help them. But also you need people around you to call you on your bullshit in the way that, you know, in the way that you like, they got to be living the same like vision as you said, they know which bullshit to call out and not try to tear you down. But they got to say who out of love, I think that may be one one step too far or I'm feeling that you're in your masculinity right now when this really is more of a feminine place for you. And so just rest in that, you know, we need we need people around us, whether you want to call them friends or business associates or what the fuck ever for me, it's all the same. Like if you come into my life, we're we're people and like we're going to work together and whether that is established as a contract or not, like we're all of those things now because I don't want any surface bullshit, you know, like, I mean, because otherwise I could just go pay an assistant for like a couple of those things, you know. But even like with my boys, they are almost 22 and almost 18. Okay, so you can imagine they don't think I'm as cool as like you do, you know. So the other day, I've been like, all right, boys, here's where we're at. Okay, you don't you, I don't care how you feel that any that's fine. Like, you know, that's fine. But if you want what I want and I know you do, you better start getting delusional with me because I'm going to need your help and that's going to need to motivate you to do the things that I am no longer going to have time to do with all the things I've got going on, you're going to have to help with that. Let that be your motivator. So you better start buying into the things I'm saying, you're coming for us as a family and do your part. And they're like, you know, they're pretty money motivated. So they're like, okay, like, all right. So that's right. Right before we started recording because I had a no show with a client and a I was telling my son, I was like, um, better start getting delusional. He's like, what, like believe in your podcast can blow up. I was like, yeah, he's like, got it. I was like, you know, because um, you, you could be like, you know, sharing on your fucking social media, but you don't, but you know, maybe they will now because I'm like, for me to be here, I need help and you want to be there with me. So just buy in with me. But like, I'm so lucky because my husband has done like a complete 180 just from listening to me on the podcast, which is also very supportive. I mean, most of my close friends don't listen, you know, but my boyfriend listens to every episode. And I'm just like, oh, okay, how much, yeah, that to me, it was like, I didn't realize how, how much like lack of support I have felt in my life forever. People didn't come to my soccer games. People didn't show up to my whatever, you know, and he was one of those people for a lot of time. Like I used to run a lot. I went to races, marathons, half marathons, all that all the time. He didn't come. And I would see these people like celebrating with their family and I'd be like, oh, nobody loves me. You know, and I needed to go through those things. But now when he supports me in this way, it's still so like, I feel so seen by you. I love you so much, you know, but it's because I'm able to love myself that I'm able to accept my love from him. So I'm just trying really hard for all of us to be in the same mindset. But that's why it's important to surround yourself with the new people that you let in. They have to be in alignment. But I kind of think as long as no matter what, and I want more people with different skill sets than me, no matter what your skill set is, if you are in alignment with your truth, your purpose and your passion, there is no way for you to fail. Because you be in alignment with those three things, you got to be at your highest version of yourself. What can go wrong with that? Exactly. But we've done the work, you know, people who haven't, they don't know that. That is so true. It really comes down to like, if you are obviously in alignment with yourself, like your values, your intention, your promises and your actions, that's when the magic happens. And then imagine if someone else comes in who is aligned in themselves with that, but then you also have shared values, you have shared intentions, you have shared promises and usually then share the action to again, get to the outcome that is beneficial for everyone. Like chest kids. Okay, I'll be saying that a lot lately. Okay, we're somehow related and we're going to have to figure that out. Like, we need to go hit our ancestry.com and be like, where's our so fucking endless together? How old are you? So I'm turning 32 in two weeks. Okay, I'm 44. This is so fun. Well, I'll be your new friend. If you want to be my new friend, I'm sure happy to be here. Well, and I'm just a number, by the way. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, I mean, nobody in my life that has been attracted towards me is really my age because, well, but also like, I guess that makes sense because most of people my age aren't doing the work and they're still really stuck and like the younger generations, man, they're fucking killing it and I want to be a part of it, you know? Oh, yeah. I literally, so I was just recording before there's an episode on my podcast with someone. She's 25 and her energy, she's such a vibe and I was just like, oh my fucking god, this is amazing. And then again, now it is. I'm just like, see, like age is literally just a number. It doesn't mean anything. Like, what matters is just this, it's the soul connection, it survives and they are immaculate and I'm all here for it. Well, and me too, by the way, this has, but I knew it was going to be this is exactly what I was expecting this to be like, because this is what I've asked for, you know, and I've even trusted that I was going to get what I asked for. But, you know, if either of us were trying to impress the other or trying to one up the other, this would be the worst fucking interview, right? It would be so cringe. Yes, it would because it would come off, like, well, we'd each be triggered. So like, that changes the way you're speaking to somebody. And yeah, there's no, there's no like, exchange in that it's just trading accolades, you know, or making sure. But like, all that's been confirmed for me during this conversation is A, I can trust that what I ask for, I will receive and B, we're all, we're all the fucking same. Because I'm thinking all the time, and I'm like, thank you for the validation. And that's the other thing is, you know, the universe knows that this is new to me to trust myself to this extent. And sometimes I do need assurance. I do need assurance sometimes. And so I get it in people like you who are saying the things that I'm thinking, and I don't have to feel crazy for them. I don't have to dismiss myself. I can just say, thank you so much for showing up as you today, because you may act on me, you not being afraid to be yourself. And, you know, just talk like we usually talk, that makes an impact on me, because it gives me more license. And you said things that can burn the things I'm thinking and feeling and damn, that we all need that. That's what I mean. Embrace the dark embrace the light. And then says, ask for fucking help. Ask first. Ask for what need you're worthy of it. Well, you don't have to go and be the hunter and the gatherer and the marketer and the mother and the nurturer. You know, you don't have to do all of it. Do you? And the rest is. Yes. Oh my gosh. Well, I really do, man. This was first of all, thank you for just responding to a stranger on the internet. And because I just, I don't want to stress anymore about get, I want to get it lined up and edited over weekends, because my weeks are busy now. And I just want to get things done so that I know that next week shows are taken care of, because podcast means a lot to me, because when more and more people start listening, more and more people are going to align with us. And yes. And, and I know that, I know that, and I know it's coming. I know it's, it's here. It's here. I'm just further stepping into this power every minute of every day. And it's people like you that that are helping that. So I'm so grateful for you. I'm so serious. I know that sounds so silly, but thank you. No, not at all. Being here and just being yourself and thank you for the work you're doing. You're helping so many women just love themselves in a way that we didn't know was possible before now. That's really like that hits the nail on the spot. Like, I'm just like super grateful. And I just want to say like, when I saw your post, I was like, yes. So I was just like, let's just show up and be like, here I am. If there is a connect, then it will happen. Again, like it's just saying, yes, to those opportunities, yes, to those connections. And if it's meant to be, it will happen. So just want to say, I'm super grateful for this as well. It was so fun. And I'm buzzing my tits off. What's funny is we were just having this whole conversation about like wanting to as a family travel to Europe, not like soon, but in a couple of years or whatever. And you know, shit. Now, you know, maybe there's a way for me to fucking partner with you and get paid to go to Europe and like do shit, you know? So, you know, let's work on that. Yes, of course, that's manifest something for you to be in London. Hell yes, because I want fish and chips in London. Like, you can't even believe I got to, I want just, let me be honest, I need two hours of romanticizing the shit out of myself and my wife sitting in London, drinking a cider with some fucking fish and chips. Get into visualization, baby. Yeah. So I told my son, I said, Hey, I'll do whatever you want. I'll go, I'll go whenever I'm making that money. Hell yeah, we'll go to Europe. If you'll sit down with me this weekend and make a vision board, then that's what it takes. That's all I care about is that you are creating a vision for yourself and that you're joining my vision. Like, as a family, we could be fucking unstoppable even, you know, he's in school, he wants to be a therapist. And so I'm like, Hey, we have a legacy here. Let's start it. You know, like, let's do this. Let's go impact the world. And yeah, make money, but that's not gonna be my center. You know, my center is me and impact on myself. And then my north, where I'm heading for global impact. Love. I'm all here for it. Amen. Well, I would actually love if you would sign up again for like a few weeks from now so that we could just like, because you know, I didn't, I didn't, I wasn't recording for the first eight minutes and so much goodness was said in eight minutes. I'm not okay. But it's a little sad at myself because I was like, I'm not recording. I was like, have you started yet? Is this like, is this pre recording? Is this? Well, usually I'll start it right when I join. Okay. Sometimes like, if I don't know the person recording, I don't want them to freak out when they come in and it's already on. But see, I don't forget. Yeah, I do the same. And I always record already like before they come in. Yeah, well, um, lesson learned, I will be returning to that because, you know, the world's going to miss out on that beautiful eight minutes, but I'll give them a summary and it'll be all right. It'll be all right. Yeah. Yeah, they will be okay. And of course, I would be more than happy and honored to come back if you have. Yeah, I would love that. You have the link sign up. God, let's be friends. I love it. Okay. Well, as soon as I have money, I'll get your book and start, you know, actually reading into what you're about. I'm sorry about that. It wasn't a lack of respect. I just didn't have time from the time you signed up. Well, it was a 24 hour turnaround. So I know zero blame on you. Okay, I just felt bad. I was like, I mean, I know your name because I love you. Okay, we'll have a great weekend. Thank you, you too. Thank you. So good to see you. Bye. Thank you. Bye bye. Hey, hey, hey, what do you say? Listen, first and foremost, please make sure that you have provided this podcast with a five star rating on whichever platform that you are listening. If you want to support the show, please rate, like and share. Also, like, comment and share on any social media posts that you see for me on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok. Please follow the podcast Facebook, emotionally unavailable podcast. You can shop my foot online store or schedule a one-on-one with me emotionally on the available podcast.org. I'm offering what I'm calling non-traditional counseling, astrology readings and tarot readings and self-polishing services. And thank you so much for listening to the emotionally unavailable podcast. All right, that was me and Josie. I hope you guys liked it. And again, I will put all of her information in the show notes. So thank you guys so much for listening and for sharing and doing the things. And until next time, let's all just keep swimming.