LIVIN OUR CRAZY LIFE
HOW TO BE SECURE IN YOUR SENSE OF SELF
Hey guys, welcome back to another week of living our crazy life podcast. I'm Olivia. I'm Megan and today we're gonna talk about Self how to be securing yourself what that means Confidence just a little bit of everything it's taking us a lot of work and a lot of time to For us to both get to a point where we are secure in our sense of self. So we're gonna talk about that today Okay, I feel like most of our videos that we've made all circle back to being secure with yourself Like it all starts there like everything that comes to life like friendships relationships with anybody, you know a job it all comes with yourself and Being secure with yourself having confidence and also self-respect. So let's get into it I feel like it's different for everybody and everybody Finds themselves in different ways. Sometimes it takes going through a lot to actually, you know Find yourself or I don't know like I feel like everybody learns about themselves differently I feel like it you first start off with learning about yourself and what you actually like and enjoy life and then it it kind of ties It all in because once you find what you like and what you're good at that that starts to gain confidence But you know, it's it's different than like you can't just say that you love yourself and then not do anything about it because that's just you know Saying it and not putting in actions to get there for me. I kind of had no other choice but to Get to a point with myself now that I'm comfortable I in the ways hit a rock bottom and You know from the bottom. There's only one way to go but up and so I kind of had to relearn a lot about myself and the world and You know what I want for myself. I don't want to be Living for other people. I don't want to be Treating myself poorly. I don't want to be you know giving into all these poor habits and doing all these things that just aren't Me and those are things that a lot of people do because they don't know themselves They aren't firm in themselves and so, you know when you get to a point where you have no other choice but to take matters into your own hands and And get there start the work towards that you kind of have to set yourself back a little bit and kind of take a step away from people and For me, I had to take a step back from a lot of things and life and honestly like I Distanced myself from every single person in my life. That's what I had to do in order to Find myself being away from other people is It actually worked out perfectly for us because we were best friends and during that quarantine time both of us individually took a break from everything and everyone and We were by ourselves every day and we had to go through a lot and we chose to come out on the other side of it, which Which is the best thing and looking back. Yeah, those were the hardest times so far of our lives But they're also the best and I wouldn't change it for anything because when you're around people like we said We were in high school. You're with all these people and being around other people is Putting these beliefs in your head and just just I don't know. You don't get to be free from other people's inputs and I think that to really really Learn about yourself. You have to be free from every single person's input whether that's parents family Friends everybody you have to be free from all these chains and obligations and that's another thing going to school every day Was taking our time. We didn't get to do the things we wanted to do because we had these obligations and attachments and ties to all These things that need to be completely cut in order to you know, we learn yourself And so exactly we did the same thing But separately and then at the end of that, you know time period We kind of got together, but I knew our friendship would still be very strong I knew that like if I needed her I could call her and if she needed me she could call me It was just that her and I spent every single day together and we it became almost like Not much dependency, but it's like we're both like super filled with pain and darkness that like we're almost making each other worse Yeah, because we were each feeling our individual things and we would play off of that And it was just very dark and both of us were dark individually and together We didn't share like I didn't talk didn't talk about those things so they just ate at us They ate at us Totally knew that each other we're struggling but I'm very proud to say that we have obviously come out on the other side And we've been out for quite a while now and that honestly just we're gonna do a whole, you know mental health episode and stuff But obviously it just service level everything does get better, you know, but that's not what this episode is about I also think that change is also what can help you get there I think that putting yourself out there and going past your comfort level is a good way to start I just have really bad anxiety and I just wasn't like confident with myself, so I got a job I work, I got a job at a sushi place where I didn't know anything I didn't I don't I didn't eat sushi so I didn't know a single thing about it and I actually went to work every day terrified But like that's what helped me get over like get over like answering the phone and like my like I used to be scared to pick up a phone and like call places that take out places or like order things and I'm not kidding like when I got that job it actually like healed so much on me because I don't know like I just was put out there like you had to do it's a job, right? So I feel like taking that step to push your boundaries a little bit, you know, like in a good way can really help you The funny thing about that is that at the same time we both individually got jobs at different sushi We didn't even know it though. We didn't even know it. We didn't even know that we were working at, you know, sushi places whatever We didn't even know that we had jobs and you know, I had the exact same thing. I was super reserved I was, you know, I had horrible anxiety. I couldn't I was not functional and by getting a job as she was saying exactly that pushed me to do things that I was not comfortable with but I had no other choice To face a fear you have to do it. You have to do it. You have to realize that it's not real You have to take the risk because what's more scary To me to me at least and I think also for you and a lot of people It's scarier to not, you know, live the life you want or to be fully to your own extent because you're afraid That's scary to me being Sorry being afraid Gares me and it is not I used to be afraid all the time and now I'm not certain things You know, I still get anxiety. That's not something that you know I think ever really goes away completely But it's something that you work on and now we have this but it does get better confidence Exactly and to put put it helps like it actually helps and this is two people telling you that it does Help with that anxiety also comes with allowing a lot of disrespect from other people and allowing, you know People to push your boundaries because you're not you're not firm in yourself Like we had an episode about this previously, but again It comes back to your sense of self because when you don't have that firm sense of understanding of yourself You don't know your own boundaries. You don't know About yourself and so you allow people to push past all these things and and it needs to come full circle into you Knowing yourself. Yeah, you actually you can't fully love somebody or allow somebody into your life If you don't love yourself first and that's actually a very true saying when you are secure within yourself and when you have self respect that you don't take anything from people and That's so important when you're getting into a relationship or Friendships that you don't let people walk all over you that you do have a sense of self So that if something goes badly in your relationship You're able to say you know what no and walk away because you have that self respect When you don't have that security in yourself That's when toxic relationships happen That's a big thing is that it doesn't matter how long you've known someone how long you've been in a relationship with someone Whatever that relationship Is when someone shows you that disrespect you need to be able to Know that you are okay with or without that person that comes from you know being firm in your sense of self Is knowing that you don't need this person. You're not dependent on this person People are supposed to add to your life and you're supposed to add to theirs and when that's not the case anymore You need to be able to take yourself out of that situation and be okay Be okay and knowing that it didn't work out and you know there's more opportunities in the future The most powerful thing is when you actually are like so okay with yourself that That nothing really affects you like obviously it affects you in ways obviously like if something happens it affects you but like when you're like so strong in yourself a man doesn't Define you or a woman doesn't define you and that should never be the case in a relationship like she said you should add and they should add So you should never feel like if they left you that you're not okay You should always feel like you could bounce back and you'll be okay By yourself and that is the definition of like self work self love self self security self everything that is the definition of being okay with yourself know that anything anything in life that leaves you whether that's a job a job or your money situation changes or family situation changes friendship Boyfriend girlfriend is knowing that nothing in the outside world can take away from what's going on in your inside world Because you are okay. You're okay. You've done the work with yourself and you've realized You know all these things that don't matter or don't exist or don't don't affect you everything is okay at the end of the day and you know obviously there is exceptions to that but At the end of the day if you are firm and secure in your sense of self Nothing outside of yourself can change what's going on inside of yourself. So I feel like how you work on Self love self confidence all of that is Like I said take yourself out Find start doing different things different hobbies that you know you can feel good at when you accomplish it Get yourself a job, you know put yourself out there surround yourself by people that The problem is that people Look In friendships, you cannot have jealousy So if you are jealous of your friend or you've sensed jealousy from coming from your friend, it's never going to work No, that's bad base to start with so you need to surround yourself with people that actually support you And that you support them and it's not fake. It's real love for each other and you want Them to do good and you to do good. Okay. Number two I'm not going numbers, but whatever the next thing is don't look for it and other people or other materialistic things And also take care of yourself, you know like you're you as a person, you know what you put inside your body affects how you live day-to-day and That's important too. Also like take care of yourself what you eat what you put on your body your daily habits and actions Completely affect how you live your life and how you have relationships with other people It does make a big difference if you're sitting there and you're eating like shit. You're not sleeping Your you don't have a good relationships with people, you know, you're not out Putting yourself out there and doing all these things Then, you know, I'm sorry, but it does really contribute to your mindset and honestly it does cause depression It causes anxiety a lot of mental disorders and stuff like that. I think it makes a huge difference. Yeah, also embrace Yourself and what I mean by that is that If you're sensitive embrace that if you are fierce embrace that if you are a bubbly person Embrace that and that's a way of loving yourself is accepting Who you are as what you are and you know, I'm a very sensitive person like I'm very sensitive So if you yell at me, I'll probably cry and I'm okay with that like I used to get shitted on for that by my mom like All the time so I used to hate that side of myself, but that's where I learn like self-love is like I'm totally okay with being sensitive and I also think it's a good thing like it is being sensitive is why you love so deeply It's why you yeah It's the pure that comes out of me. That's just how I am That's who I am and that's okay And I feel like it's very important to love all aspects the good and the bad of yourself and that's Really how you're loving yourself. I don't when I say love yourself I'm not talking about the way you look on the outside because that all comes with the inside For the outside point of view obviously there's days where I'm like, what the fuck do I look like this for? But that's not that's not with myself like I'm secure with myself. I still Love the person I am and you know like at that's so surface level like how you look on the outside Should have nothing to do with how you feel on the inside, you know, and You're the only one that thinks you're not beautiful by the way Nobody's looking that deep at you and being like, oh, she's so ugly. Her nose is crooked No one cares actually. So when you can learn that and realize that nothing really matters That's how you start and don't let anyone take that away from you. Don't let anyone take away You know you being sensitive or you being bubbly or you the way you behave or the way you look Don't let anyone tell you that it's wrong or that you need to change yourself or certain Things about yourself because you never need to change for other people That's that's how you love yourself is when someone, you know might tell you they don't like the way you Look or they don't like your personality is when you look at them and you say, okay And then you don't change yourself You're not meant to be just in the other way and you wave them adios in the rear view mirror because Somebody who doesn't completely accept you as you are or someone who wants to make little adjustments or makes little comments at you is not Looking out for your best interest. They don't care for you And yeah, that confidence that confidence is not you know walking and thinking you're the baddest bitch in the room or You know being rude to other girls or you know telling every man that tries to hit on you off That's not confidence confidence is exactly. It's the way you carry yourself on the inside. That's grace It's grace. It's grace and it's Be kind being kind and how you respect other people Confidence how you carry yourself Interior and exterior, but how that it shows on the outside of what's exactly your inside exactly and Nobody likes a shitty person, right? So carry yourself with grace Kindness and love compliment somebody. It's it's not you don't need to be so, you know No, and not nothing's a competition either You know if you see someone else that looks really good that doesn't take away from your own Worth and I think a lot of people you know compare themselves and take away from their own Success or worth when they see other people that they think are better, but it's all an illusion. No one's better No one's better. There's not also when you're affirming yourself. You realize that there's no better. There's only different and different is Beautiful. Would you want to you know date yourself or be best friends with yourself and every conversation you have with someone is You're talking to someone that agrees with you and someone that you know is just smiling and nodding or someone who looks the exact same as you like No, the whole point of the earth is that everyone's different and you learn from different perspectives You learn from different people when other people, you know are different than you you appreciate their differences You don't take it away from yourself. You don't compare. You don't you know you root to them You don't there's no reason for hate or insecurity all of this You just appreciate and you appreciate yourself and you move forwards. That's what also helps you better yourself if you look at somebody and they're like You're like wow like this person is living this life ask them how they're doing it, you know Go to them for some advice. Don't hate on them because you're not there in that position Go and ask them how they do it and that's so important. That's the beautiful thing in life is that Everybody is different. That's how you learn. That's how you meet new people That's how you learn what you like and don't like that's how you learn honestly about yourself like oh wow like That's what I don't want to be or that's how it would be more like I know that many people out there men women struggle with Insecurities and comparing themselves, but I know this doesn't help you what I'm saying, but seriously seriously seriously like you are actually like beautiful and Don't let anybody tell you that you're not if a guy rejects you that does not mean that you are ugly That does not mean anything honestly that just it It just wasn't for you and that's okay and It's just not that serious like no How you look is not a problem like nobody is looking at you in that type of way So just right go No one is saying that your eyes are just a little bit Nobody you know here is a little busy today you can be this beautiful confident Person with the most self-love in the world, but it's what you choose to do with that when you You know keep that to yourself You know or you are using it against other people. I just think that it's taking away from the whole point You know share that beauty with people give compliments You know go and provide where you can It's it's all these little things that you do with that love and with that Self-acceptance that makes the difference You know Share share your beauty with other people and share your differences. That's the whole point I think that could actually help a lot of people if you are so You know secure with yourself Maybe you meet somebody that you know, maybe isn't so secure Don't make fun of that person instead help them Be there for them talk to them and you'll it actually is crazy what a difference words can make to somebody or an action can make towards somebody and You know, you don't have to be so hateful. I just see girls Hating on other girls or you know making dirty faces at people Or even men, you know, and I I actually my heart breaks for that person because you have no idea what that comment just did to somebody and you should never be Hateful towards anybody because to be honest that shows very bad character in yourself that means that you are not secure with yourself and you need to go and grow from that because that's actually disgusting to be Hating on somebody's appearance and That should just never be that should never be the case Should never be hating on somebody. I was having a conversation with somebody a couple weeks ago and They were saying, you know, do you ever feel jealous of other people's lives or You know, take it as your own and I said No, actually I don't and they said it's a human emotion. It's okay, you know to feel jealous of other people and I said You know, maybe for certain things, but overall I would say never do I ever Feel jealousy towards somebody or hateful towards somebody. It's just not in my heart to even feel or think that way Towards somebody else and then to put action behind it as well. You know, if you're if you're feeling a certain way That's malicious towards someone else that you need to work on that That's not something that you think a certain thing you feel a certain way and you go and act on that you don't like someone's Haircut you go and tell them you don't like their haircut. Whatever it is You don't like certain things about somebody or you're jealous that someone has a partner You don't you're jealous that someone got a job opportunity and you don't you wouldn't sabotage their job opportunity because you're upset with yourself that What is not even something that would process in my brain and learning that other people Think that way and other people think those things Blue my mind because yeah, that's not something that would even cross my mind and I think that's Horrible I get to a certain extent, you know jealousy and vv's emotions, but to act on them is Insane to me. It is actually crazy that but that's the world we live in so you really If you are filled with damage jealousy towards somebody you need to again Take yourself out fix what's wrong with yourself Obviously a lot is wrong with you if you're feeling jealous like that and wishing bad on somebody You need to really like think about what should I be doing to better my life then? Because your time will come just because somebody else has this job opportunity or maybe they have They got in this amazing relationship or like they have the best friend ever That doesn't mean that that they can't happen in your life. It just means that it's not your time yet You know you have time for things To grow and to work out for yourself and jealousy is not the way to go about it because You will just get karma to be honest. You'll just get slapped in the face one day and that's just how it is Would you want if you were living? If this was you and you're the jealous person and your life all of a sudden was amazing and like You know you had a partner and like a best friend and you had a great support system and you had this amazing job Would you want somebody to sabotage that for you? No, you wouldn't so don't do that to other innocent people that You know just because they're doing good and You know they probably deserve that and that's so let them thing have it You can't you don't need everything you need to be Selfless you can't have everything in life and you need to be happy for other people if you are not When I see other people happy and like they got that job, right? I think to myself. Oh my god like I'm so happy for them because I know how much I can't wait to have that Exactly and like they probably worked so hard or maybe they did it. Maybe they just can hand it everything But honestly then you should feel like grateful for them because imagine not having to Go through what you have to go through. That's exactly what I was gonna say is that yes Some people are handed things on silver spoons and like you might not think that that's fair But you don't see what goes on behind the scenes and either way, you know, just be Happy for other people's successes. It doesn't take away from your own if you know if you're in a race with someone for example Which you're not in a race. It's not a race of time or success, but somebody you know Gets they have no obstacles in their life And they get to be exactly where they want to be and you have to work 10 times harder and do 10 times more things To get to the same place, you know that you still got there and yes That's unfortunate for you, but it's not unfortunate because you get to grow and learn along the way You grow so much. The whole point in life is not to you know Spawn somewhere or just have this happy life and all these things It's the work you put into knowing yourself and being secure in yourself that gets you where you want to be Think about if you take a step outside of it and watch yourself from a stranger's perspective Going through all these obstacles and you know getting beat down and then getting back up Like do you know how proud of yourself you will be when you get to the like the destination? You'll be so proud of yourself and that's when you get to you know, that's when it's your time You'll have your time to shine. Don't take away somebody else's shine because you're not There yet, you know, it all comes it will come 100 percent People can sense Hate on you people can sense your jealousy your envy and that's a big thing that we've been noticing is that I can tell by the way you look at me or the way you speak to me the way you Just behave around me. I can tell your intentions immediately. I can tell if you're wishing bad I can tell you know, if you're a real supporter or what what the deal is right away and You know wishing bad on people is such a real thing evil. I is so real and that's been a huge topic for us because People people do wish bad on you and that's again something that I realized is that people do do that never put anything You know above someone else subconsciously to people do it subconsciously. Yeah, it's not someone telling you to your face I hope you never succeed. It's somebody who brings people. Yeah It's the people who you know, give you a side glance or they look at you and they they think to themselves like wow She's this or she's that and these people who put these beliefs on you and it's real honestly My biggest piece of advice to you is to keep your life private. You have all these goals keep it private I'm not trying to be one of those people that's like Oh, you can't trust anybody But honestly like if I've learned anything that people actually Their intentions sometimes are just bad and that's just how life is and like it can be the closest people around you too That are wishing you bad and keep your life private the more you keep your life private the more you'll see your life Awesome, if you're like trying to see if you, you know Have real self-love and self-respect yourself and somebody's showing you a bad side of themselves is where you're like, okay Wow, like I'm totally okay to let go of you and that you'll be okay and that's that's how you really know because All you need So also don't let somebody take away Your kindness or Any of your attributes we already talked about this, but I'm just saying it again Just don't let people take that away from you. Yeah, even when the world or people are beating you up or you just keep going through these bad things or like just people keep Disappointing you because in life people are just going to keep disappointing you It's never going to go away and that sucks like, you know You really thought maybe this was the one or this whatever like People are going to disappoint you things are going to disappoint you life is going to disappoint you but If you can come out on top of that still being Yourself and having all this love inside of you you actually win in life you do I think it's easy to Almost want to make yourself take these qualities away from yourself when people disappoint you or people let you down and People tell you you're too sensitive or you know, you're too nice. You're too forgiving you're too naive It's very easy to want to you know take those qualities away from yourself. Oh, it's too nice I need to be meaner to people from now on I need to You know have all these boundaries I need to you know, it's it's very easy to beat yourself up and think that it's your own fault for being that way or Too forgiving just all these nice qualities about yourself that make you you You almost want to take them away when people disappoint you or hurt you because you know, you showed them the sign and they disappointed you That's not fair. So I want to take it away now No, because that's disrespecting yourself You need to again be so firm in yourself and in your love and just in your grace and all of these qualities that you have for yourself that are positive qualities and when people disappoint you and stuff like that is nothing To do with you and you still show those qualities to people don't numb yourself down make yourself darker make yourself less of yourself and less of Who you are as a person to accommodate other people? You know don't take away from yourself because you've been disappointed keep up that What you have to show because people will come along your life that appreciate those things from you and those are the real people in your life Yes, one day you will receive what you have been giving out this whole time because I don't know when okay, I don't know when because to be honest I feel you I get it like I'm not sitting here on this couch thinking like this. This does not mean my life is like perfect and like I'm like wow like no like I have the same feelings that probably all of you watching this have like Sometimes I do just want to be cold because I've just been shot down and disappointed by so many people But honestly, I choose not to because honestly, it's out of my control. I can't even help it I still give kindness even when it's not deserved, but That's okay. And like I said That's okay. Like she said, that's okay. And one day one day you'll receive it. Don't know when Or from who But I will come to you. Thank you for watching this episode. We will see you next Wednesday. Bye. Bye
We’ve covered a lot of topics in our previous episodes but they all trickle down to one main idea… your sense of self. This week we dive into what that means, why it’s important & how to get there.