A very DEMURE flying experience...
A Dous of Raagz
Episode 11
(upbeat music) Yo, yo, yo, what's good? Welcome to episode 11 of A Dose of Rags. I'm Rags, obviously, and I got my two side kicks, Dose and Jay. What's good, fellas? - What up, what up? What's going on, fellas? - Dose. - We've had a hiatus, and I want to apologize to our, you know, two fans. Now, anybody who has been listening, we really do appreciate it, but we had a little hiatus. We were supposed to do a live episode. I was actually in New Jersey, flew in to where these guys live, had a wedding, had a few other thing, family things going on. And, unfortunately, we weren't able to do the live studio session. It was factors out of our control. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, you don't hear about that, but anyway, we are back, bitch. Let me tell you, fellas. I fucking almost missed my flight on the way home when I left Jersey. Let me tell you something. All right, first off, I get to the airport about 40, about 50 minutes to the flight, okay? As soon as I walk into the airport, I drop my special cocktail concoction, which is muscle relaxer, 25 milligrams sleep edible, 10 milligrams heavy indica, and then what else did I, double Casamigos on the rocks. I run to the bar, double me, Casamigos on the rocks slash a pineapple. As I'm drinking it, you made it pretty damn strong. It might have been three shots. I'm like, but then I always say he starts telling me a story. The bartender starts telling me a story about a guy who was drinking double. I'm like, who's the craziest dude you seen in here? He tells me some guy who had like four Glenn Levits on the rocks, ends up in the bathroom, goes, comes back from the bathroom and starts acting so erratic that he's got to call the cops. And when the cops get there, he starts spraying ketchup all over himself, just so 'cause now he's like, come on, do you want to touch me, come touch me, right? The guy went crazy. Anyway, the story delays me to the point where I see my fucking clock. It's 4.29. The door's closed at 4.30. I book it, right? And I'm talking about, I'm running down that fucking hallway. So it's so, feels so far. I mean, I'm running like Diddy at the Feds'a, coming after you, I mean, I'm booking. Bro, I get up to the gate. It's 4.33. Door's closed. Gate agent, black gay dude. Door's closed. I just put my head in my hands and I'm like panting. I'm wheezing, you know what I mean? I just look like I'm in pain 'cause now all of a sudden, like the shit in my body, the edibles, the fucking relaxers, the alcohols, I'll catch it up. And I'm realizing there's probably not another flight till tomorrow, right? And he sees this. Now, I think he's waiting for me to give him a reaction, right? I think he's waiting for, what the fuck? I'm only a few minutes late, open that door, goddammit. But I just am so depressed. (laughs) He's hitting me. I just realized I'ma be here all day all day. He's like, he does something on a little computer. He prints out another board pass. He's like, go. And then the door won't open. He's doing his little code for the fucking door. It won't open. Finally, he gets it open. I run in, I fucking, you know, everybody in the plane's watching me, like this is the asshole, right? I walk over to my seats, or to the seat. The window seat, 16A, I think it was. And I put my luggage up. They put my luggage up in first class. I got the last slot. I'm so fucking lucky. I got my little flab top bag. I have a fucking footlong hoagie in my laptop bag, which again was another reason I was a little bit late to the airport 'cause I needed to not pay the airport price for a sandwich, right? So I bought tasty subs. I don't know if anybody knows. It's a pretty good place in North Brunswick or whatever, New Jersey. But it's a big fucking sub. And I smooshed it into my laptop bag. And all I got in the sub was 'cause I didn't want to get lettuce on there 'cause it would go soggy, right? I got a turkey sub. I didn't want to put the lettuce on there, so I just got a little bit of onions. This fucking asshole puts oil and vigor on it. The depletes my whole region. So anyway, I look in the seat in the middle. Beautiful fucking girl. Sitting next to me. Beautiful brunette. Some type of Latina. I get in my seat and I nearly started making a few jokes. I'm like, I would have been in my seat already. I mean, I'm surprised you didn't already be in my seat. Like she's actually another girl. I don't know if they're together. They're laughing at me. You know, I'm still like flipping hard. So I'm sounding like an old man a little bit. - Wait, you're hitting on her then? - No, I'm just like naturally like just being who I am, right? I'm not hitting on her, right? Because I, listen, when you're sitting next to someone, the worst thing you want to do is start hitting on them. That's a six hour flight, bro. And again, I've seen the fucking Indian brown men don't want to be doing nothing on the airplane weird, right? So I've seen the videos, people doing weird shit on the plane. So I'm just being, I mean, listen, the chick next to her is bigger. She's demure. Don't ever make calls. (laughing) - Demure. - But I'm just being demure and mindful. You feel? - Very hard sweating. Come in, my little fucking laptop bag, which there's fucking, obviously, animals and submarine sandwiches. It's stuffed with goodies, right? Anyway, so I sit down and then we're still having just a general, like stupid conversation. She's actually said something really nice. She's like, oh no, I don't want to take your seat. I was hoping you made your flight. Like, whatever, bullshit. I don't know if she meant that. But anyway, at that point, she was throwing rocks at you. - She might've been because I came in real confident. You feel me? But there's no real confidence behind it, you know? It's just like, at that point, I'm so happy I made my flight. The edibles are hitting me. I'm just like, woo, you know what I mean? I'm in like fucking Rick Flitterworld, right? So I'm just being myself though at the end of the day. But I settle in, my laptop bag is down there. But now, and I haven't eaten all day. And this is a 5 p.m. flight. Remember, I don't eat before my flight. Strict rules. 'Cause I don't want to shit on that plane. No matter what. - Yeah, we talked about this. - This is, yeah, exactly. So this submarine sandwich is for the fucking flight. Because I'm so cheap, right? I realize how much of a fucking slob I look like if I pull out this big submarine sandwich which smells like onions and just start munching it down so I can leave it. - You had onions on that? - Yeah. - I had a vinegar and onions, buddy. - Yeah, you're so, you're so, you're so disrespectful. That's so disrespectful to everyone around you. You should be in absent shame of yourself. - Right, I said no, I said no vinegar. So I just said-- - You didn't say onions? - You didn't say onions. I said a few onions 'cause, bro, I need something in there besides just meat cheese and fucking bread. So listen, I fucking, I'm like, damn, I can't pull the sandwich out, I'm so starving, I'm so hungry. But I'm like, listen, even though I'm not like, at that point, the edibles and the muscle relaxers and the sleep are hitting me so hard with the alcohol combined. Then I'm like, I don't even wanna talk to it anyway. I just wanna go to fucking sleep after I pound my whole food in my stomach. You know what I mean? I'm just like, I just wanna fucking sleep. So at that point, still, my male instinct is like, I can't eat in front of it. And again, I would be the only one eating on the whole section of that part of the section of the plane. So then I know I'm making noise so I just couldn't do it. So meanwhile, the submarine sandwich sits in my little fucking bag. Has the flight go, I take my shoes, sneakers off, okay? Now, you know, I have had some stank feet in my life. We all know that, we, listen, not recent times. I'm very, listen, I buy shoes every three months. Listen, I'm size 14 wide, it's tough. You gotta really change your shoes, sneakers a lot. That's what you're acting. - Let me ask you though, have you ever had someone to ask you to put your shoes back on? 'Cause I have on the plane. - No, no, no, no one's ever done that. Thank God. But I mean, look, in the end of it, if my shit stinks, I will put them on myself, you feel me? I, so, but I couldn't realize what the smell, there's a smell coming from my feet or the subsamish 'cause they're sitting in the same location right down there. And eventually I just said, fuck it. So what I actually did do though, the JetBlue lady comes by. And by the way, fuck you, JetBlue. I'll say this, and I'll give you two reasons. Let me tell you number one reason. Wi-Fi wasn't working on the flight, but credit card machine fucking won. How's that possible, bitch? (laughing) So, but anyway, I got the JetBlue card. By the way, I just got rid of this fucking card 'cause guess what, JetBlue stopped flying from fucking LAX to EWR. LAX to Newark, no more flights after October 26. So I'm done with this card, I had fucking 80,000 points. And I got to do shit with him now. But anyway, I used my, I ordered a cheese plate and I ordered a protein box, which is like just nuts and shit, right? And I ate those. But here's another thing, another sign she gave me. I get the plate, and she was like, I guess trying to like gift off the sleeve as soon as. I ordered the boxes, and by the way, they're half priced with the JetBlue card. So I got them both to five bucks instead of 10 bucks each, which is nice. She pulls out her little thing of strawberries. Her's eating them, but I'm so high and groggy. It's like I can't even talk to her. And at that point, I was like gonna order another drink 'cause it's also half priced for me. But it was so fucking blasted and just needed a sleeve. That I didn't even do that. - So wait a minute, you bought, you brought a sub, but because you were scared to open the sub because of the onions, you ordered nuts and cheese plates. - Well listen, here's another thing. Ghost, you've seen me eat. They call me rags for a fucking reason, okay? I'm very sloppy, you know what I mean? I'm all over the place and I'm very aware of my shove. I'm not like, well, I'm just real, you know? I'm a fucking sloppy dude, I'm a fucking clumsy guy. You know what I'm saying, that's who I am. And I knew if I opened the sub, shit would fall here, since you come in there, and now all of a sudden the smell's really out. So I actually was being very respectful. As you guys said, I was it when I brought this up in. - Did they cut this up, like in the, like four pieces or anything? - Oh, they cut it in the four parts and that was why I was nervous about 'cause I couldn't fall out. - I open it up, it's just gonna fall everywhere. - I can definitely relate. - That's what I thought. - Yeah, I'd have like onions and crumbs all over my shirt and everything, yeah, I'm with you, right? - I think that's a horrible job by you. I think that was an awful, awful job by you. Poor time management, okay? - I loved it, it was. - Poor time management as far as, you know, getting to the airport and then getting sucked into the story at the bar, number one, number two, poor, poor self-awareness. I'm gonna be on a plane, maybe I shouldn't get freaking onions because it's gonna, the whole cabin's gonna wreak, right? - Bro, nine times. - There's an Indian, though, man. You got, he's gotta have onions. - You gotta have onions, bro, man. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Listen, I'd lie inside of 10. I'm either sitting next to fucking goddamn fucking dim your baby or fucking goddamn fucking, you know, old dude or fucking woman with a kid. People I just wanna eat in front, I wanna annoy that lady with the child. Say, "Hey, fuck you, who's gonna win with the contest today?" It'd be in the most annoying, but no, this time I get as beautiful. - You got lucky. - Latino woman who's just so elegant and just, she ain't just eating her strawberries, so classy, and I'm like, "Thank God, I hate my fuck." And I'm eating and eating the cheese plate like a fat fuck, blah, blah, like cookie monster eating that shit. And I can't even open the bag and nuts and fucking hate it, you know what I mean? It falls everywhere. I'm too high and just ready to sleep. - Did you actually, did you go to sleep? - Here it is. I was all worth it 'cause I slept basically the whole fucking thing. - The whole thing. And I also, I bare-backed it. No music. You know why? I had my AirPods fucking first 15 minutes I'm sitting down, I'm just getting, again, I'm getting all blasted. - Raw dog. - The AirPods falls out of my ear and it falls behind and I can't find it. It's up to the sea and I have to ask the lady behind me to find it. She finally gives it to me, I can tell she's annoyed. So then I'm like, you know what? I'm not even gonna use these AirPods. I'm not listening to nothing. I'm bare-backed in the flight. Raw dog in it, as they call it. I'm just gonna go to sleep. - Dear God, please tell me, please tell me, you woke up with your, with your head on the girl's shoulders. - No. - Rolling out of your mouth. Please tell me that happened. - No, no, no, no. I nudge into the window. You know, I don't really window nudge it, bro. I'm the kind of, I, I ram into the window. I got fucking, you know what I mean? I really got a sweatshirt and it patted up. But listen, it is. Her fucking head is coming towards my direction. And now I'm feeling, wow. This is starting to look real creepy, if I even look that way. - That's almost a cuddle, Rex. That's almost a five-hour cuddle session. - Or a five-hour holding show, you know what I'm saying? (laughing) Bro, so anyway, get home, feeling, oh. By the way, I'm, I gotta tell you guys one thing. On the way to Jersey, I missed that flight. You guys remember, 'cause I was degenerate, I don't wanna go into details. I'm gonna protect my fucking identity. Remember what you can, what you say can, it will be used against you. So, well, because we won't go into that story. But we'll really go into the fact that when I finally did get a flight, bro, I got the aisle seat, no one in the middle, lady on the right with the baby. So, yeah, no one in the middle, but she's got the baby. And I'm like, wait, is that the baby? She, I don't know if she bought the seat for the baby. But anyway, the reason I bring this up, this woman was so fucking impressive with this baby. Bro, any time, she was like a magician. Any time the baby would start up, she'd like fucking turn him around, twist him up, she'd pull a fucking quarter behind his ear, she'd shove something in his mouth. Like, she had the baby, like anything and anything, she'd just do not allow it to cry, because she was so aware of his needs at every moment. Whether he needed to just be shucking up a little bit, whether he needed to be fucking put a blueberry's mouth, or whether he fucking needed to have a little fucking iPad activity. This was the fucking mom of the century, bro. She just knew how to handle that motherfucker. So, wait, should we blame parents for crying babies? - Yeah, you can't. - Think partially, it depends. There's a lot of different factors involved in here, okay? And I am a parent, I have three kids, okay? I've traveled with two of them, while they were babies, not the oldest. At some age, there's only, like those infants, there's only so much you could possibly do. I, you can't blame them for the infant kids, but once they get to a certain age, give them a lollipop or something, Jesus, what the fuck? Give them a goddamn lollipop. I gave Alexia a lollipop, we flew all the way to freaking Panama, stop there, lay over, then flew to Paraguay, okay, she was fine. Aiden gave him a lollipop, gave him an iPad, he was fine. Now, I know some parents will say, she didn't give my kids sugar, she didn't give my kids screen time. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There's an exception for fucking everything, okay? Stop it. So, partial, yes, parents are to blame. - Yeah, and in an infant, you're wrestling, right? Because there's only a certain amount, like, but I think the parents are responsible, if they see their kid going wild, and they're not making an attempt to suppress the kid, like if they see the kid just going crazy, and they're not even trying to make the kid quiet, and all of them just let them do whatever, then, yeah. But otherwise, yeah, like, you can't really control, well, the thing is, infant, you can't control, right? The thing is, anybody who gets to the age of, I say, one, at that point, they have a personality now. They're pretty much kind of who they are, some level almost. I mean, yeah, they're gonna be defined by their environment and all that shit. But listen, the bottom line is, is like, like Do said, I think if you get, what kid fucking won't stop crying when you shove sugar in their mouth, right? It's just a pleasure signal, you know? - And full disclaimer here, obviously, if you have a special needs kid, that changes the whole dynamic completely, okay? - Oh, yeah, yeah. - So I want to be very, very clear about that. I don't want you, we got to be, we have to be understanding that there's a different situation, there's a different, every circumstance is different, okay? But I'm just saying, you know, on average. - I mean, that's like one out of 10 kids, right? I would guess, just make that, I don't know, I don't know. - Speak it a special needs, kids. When I do it, so obviously I stayed at my parents' house when I go back to New Jersey. Bro, I'll tell you what, I stay in my, so my two brothers used to share a room, I stay in that room now. And let me tell you something, I was definitely backed up by the time I got back to LA because I had not jerked off, I had not released that often. 'Cause it's hard to release in your fucking parents' house and just age. - Why? You were doing that when you were six, 13, 14, 15. - Okay, and guess what? It brings back PTSD 'cause I got caught by my pop. - Did you know, you did? - Swear we got walked in the room, I mean, I had to blank it over me and I just stopped. He's like, "What are you doing, what are you doing?" And I'm like, "Nothing." And I think he kind of figured it out. And then he's just gonna pull the black knob, I was like, "No!" And I just walked out. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that's static. - Let me tell you, there's only one thing worse than getting caught when you're 14 or 15 by your dad is getting caught by your dad when you're 47 in your brother's room with no lock on the door. It just feels, I got PTSD, man. So I had to pleasure myself three times yesterday. You know what I mean? Whew! - Bro, you were on Callie Time. There's no, you cannot tell me that your parents were wide awake at like 1 a.m. And then they would've been able to catch you at hand at about that time. - Oh, I was falling asleep early. Bro, I don't know what happened this time. - I wasn't sure. - You know what, I like to be in the moment. You know, I like to have the fucking like the candles lit. You know what I mean? I like to have everything show up. - He likes to romance himself. - Exactly. I want to feel, I want to feel beautiful. - Listen, bro, listen, bro. If you're backed up, you just gotta do what you gotta do, okay? - Listen, I had one day I did. I backed myself, whew, I have two. I'm not only backed myself up, I'm backed myself out. It's, god damn it, I was still paranoid. Bro, I was like a little fucking kid, wait and fucking, you know what I mean? I'm like, oh, you know. - Yo, that's just pretty to an interesting question. Have any of you guys ever caught one at work? - No. - I can't say that I have. - I just thought of you, I've caught one in very weird places, bro. - The weirdest. - You've caught it at work, obviously. - Yeah, I actually have a thing in my head where like I have a long-term game. - You're a work people watch this. - Not at my current job, I said I have. - Look, that's what I wanted to make sure we specified. - Yes, yes. - Not at your current job. - Yeah, that's my current job, you know. (laughing) - No, I, listen, I also listen as a young man, and I'm gonna get into your story of how it happened at your work, but as a young man, I've done it everywhere, right? I mean, we are, we have 13, 14, 15, 16. Like, okay, the worst place. I did it was one time I was on my way to cheat on my girlfriend, okay? First girlfriend I had, and it was far. 'Cause, you know, I wouldn't get anything close by. I was going to Reading, Pennsylvania from New Jersey, bro. I was going to like where Joe Biden grew up, you know what I mean? (laughing) I was like, this is back in the day, AOL, ASL on that shit, okay? This chick's mother gave me directions at a place. She's the one type in the direction. She doesn't know we're gonna bang, right? But anyway, going to, anyway, it wasn't like set we're gonna bang, but we had, obviously, some discussions that eluded to that. But, so listen, I'm about, I'd say about 45 minutes into the drive, and I start feeling real guilty. I'm like, what am I doing, bro? What's wrong with me? At that moment, I pulled it out, as I'm driving 60 miles down the highway, 70 miles, rubbed one out, as I came, bitch, turned the bitch around. (laughing) As I'm coming mid, I like just in the 360, 180 on that highway, went right back on that other down, you know, the other side of the highway, going back fucking south, or whatever the fuck it was. - And how far, wait, how far were you to the girl's home? - I don't think it was about two hours from where I was going, so it was about an hour, where, you know what I mean? Something like that. - So you just didn't feel like making, you just didn't feel like making that drive. That's what it really did. - I just thought, I swear to you, I felt guilty, bro. I was like, what am I doing? I have a good thing. - Do you think if the commute was like only 45 minutes, instead of three hours? - Oh, of course, I'd have been on my second nut. (laughing) Actually, I was 20 years old, 21 years old. I remember my fourth nut. No, I'm kidding. (laughing) - No, but-- - You might have actually done a good thing, though, 'cause you know how they say, you're supposed to rub one out before you have sex to make yourself last longer? - Yeah, you were supposed to be multitasking. - Bro, at that age though, bro, you're like a fucking loaded gun, bro. You're like a loaded fucking semi-automatic. You know what I mean? You're just waiting, bitch. You're like, okay, even if I fuck it up, I'll be ready in seven more minutes. - So we're good, baby. (laughing) - That's the beautiful thing about being a young man, but yeah, so Jay, go into how you did it at work, because listen, at work is very scary. - Yeah, it does get like that. So, in one of my old jobs, there was, I think this was my first job out of college, you know, and the teams that we had, they were mostly like young people. You know, there's some attractive chicks at work. So, and then, you know, you got a little time to kill, and-- - Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're saying you're a lunch hour break? - Yeah, I think this was a post-launch after, one of those afternoon, low-time breaks. - Post-launch? - Yeah, post-nut. - Yeah, exactly. (laughing) So, you're like, oh, you know what? I'm always tired after work. What's the way I didn't even get more tired? (laughing) - Nothing was getting done. I wasn't productive at all, 'cause I was fucking horny as hell. Just thinking of shit. - Wow. - So I was like, all right, you know what? Let me go, let me go do everyone. Hey, I go to the bathroom, and bust a paranoid ass nut. (laughing) - What does that, what is that, wait, wait, wait, wait, what does that even mean to paranoid ass nut? - Yeah, because actually, obviously, you're in a freaking-- - Let me give you a picture. You know the way a dog shits? (laughing) Just legs shake it, look at it. (laughing) You know what I mean? Look, you're trying to bust a nut like Rag said. You want the ambiance, right? It's the worst, because you're in a freaking stall, and then you hear how dudes come in. You got, he's right next to you, you can literally see his fucking feet. (laughing) And those awful fluorescent lights, you can see every single little-- - Yeah. - Every single fucking part of your pocket. - So did anyone walk into the bathroom when you were choking the chicken, or? - Yeah, I think at that point, I was like, I think I rushed to myself at the end, and I'm like, all right, no point in sitting here. - Well, that's another thing at that age, you have such good timing, you can make it. You know what I mean? You're like, if it needs-- - I need to shoot, like you're a hair trigger, you feel me? (laughing) But yeah, anyway, that's-- So, I mean, obviously, you don't have to admit a place that's really embarrassing. Oh, I actually got one more. Weirdest place I did it. Rutgers, New Jersey. (laughing) I don't even know, I hope I can admit this. (laughing) - What do you mean Rutgers, New Jersey? - Rutgers, New Jersey, when I lived there 2005. - You mean New Brunswick? Or do you mean New York? - New Brunswick, yeah, Rutgers, New Brunswick. Sorry, you're right. College, yeah, I used to live on. I used to go to the bars on Tuesday nights, and all three of us have been there together. - Mm-hmm. - About the old queens, whatever the fuck the bars are. - Right above where you grill? - Yeah, yeah, well, that's where we used to live. - Yep. - Listen, so, this is the bar near Golden Rail. This is Golden Rail. Remember, Golden Rail had to just move tonight on Monday or Tuesday, whatever. I'm going home from there. Back to that apartment above, are you grill? And you walk through those frat houses. You can walk through those frat houses if you want, right? I'm walking through the inside street. I passed one of the frat houses. Now, they start hearing noise. And I fucking hear, I get closer, but I'm drunk. And I'm hearing, it's a fucking woman getting pounded. She's just getting blasted out. She sounds like it. She's very vocal. And I'm just like, again, I felt like Jay did that work. And I'm like, what? Oh my God, I couldn't get laid tonight. This guy is, you know, I fucking creep up to the window. Creep up to the window, bro. I can't see nothing, but I can hear everything. And this guy must have been fucking goddamn, I don't know, black mambo, what's he saying? Man Dingo, whatever that motherfucker named it. He's hitting that shit right. I fucking pull it out right there real quick. Water in the fucking garden, bitch. You know what I'm saying? Zip that, I'm not joking. Man Dingo. I don't know if you guys can beat that one. I don't think so. I mean, I mean, I was pretty, I was always a conservative. So nothing really, I mean, the most awkward place was in my car while I was driving. You did the same thing. All three of us did. I remember it was to a little Kim song. I remember that much. It wasn't any song. It was just, it felt like the right moment. Bro, and that's the thing when you're a young man like that, it just happens and you're like, well, it's getting the way the steering wheel. I got it. Anyway, let's move on. We're not that perverted folks. I promise you, we're not that bad. Just sometimes. So going to a, going to the opposite end, you know what's crazy fellas is obviously, you got children that are close to the age of my nieces, right? My nieces, the 10 and seven now, right? And I'm going to get, it's crazy to see them grow up, but it's crazy to me how different they are than I was at that age. Because at seven, and you guys know my little niece who's seven, I mean, that was the first time I smoked a cigarette. Seven years old, bro. Geez. Listen to this. So my brothers are twins. They're born. All the attention comes off me. I'm getting all the attention prior. All the attention goes off me. I start getting a little loopy in the head, right? And I remember it's our fur. We bought our first house. We moved in when I was like, whatever, seven, right? Or right after my brother was born, right after my brother was born. And there's a fucking guy doing some repair or painting or something. And he's fucking smoking this thing. And I'm a little kid. I'm just looking at it. I'm like, it's just, dude, smoke smells good with your kid for some piece. It smells good to me. And I'm looking and he's, he looks so happy smoking. And I literally just out there. And again, I'm getting no attention. Cause obviously I'm the, he throws his bogey and walks away. I go run over to the bogey, pick it up. It's down to the end. I burn this shit out of my lips. But it just shows you how different things are man now. I mean, now these kids can't even be outside alone, right? Let alone, I'm wandering around, picking up fucking butts up the ground smoking. At seven, bitch. That's crazy. But yeah, but again, it's crazy to see. So wait, did you inhale? I could have, bro. Cause it was the, like, immediately just- So you didn't really smoke the cigarette. No, but you weren't as bad at it. You weren't as bad as at seven as you claim you are. Well, I mean, look, it was the filter burden, bro. I mean, you know, you get, and, and time it, it's hot as fuck. The whole fuck thing's hot. So like, but the thing is, it shows you like, bro, like, damn, it's crazy, man. It is crazy to think about how different fucking we are. I forgot my point. But yeah, you know, we, we obviously, yeah, whatever I said. I, you know, it's embarrassing to think that I needed to smoke what at that age, you know? I just think it was a curiosity, right? You seen it, you said it looked good. It smelled good. I mean, like, you know, I remember as a kid, you know, seeing my uncles, you know, they would smoke a cigarette and the way they inhaled it, it looked like it was so satisfying. I remember, I'm like, well, it looks like it tastes good. And so there was a curiosity. I get it. I get it. At, at age, I get it, man. Yeah, nothing. When we were that age, my mother was smoking inside my parents' house. So there's a pretty deal. That was common? Yeah, that was common. I mean, I love it. Fuck. That jet blew, that jet blew flight would have been year, like three decades ago. You've been, you know, bombing cigarettes from that, from that, you know, the, the Latina girl that you were sending by. Bro, there's still planes that have the ashtray in there. You're like, oh, my God. Like, what are we doing, bro? Yeah, my uncle in India was the first person to let me try a cigarette when I was really, really young. And then he gave it to me. I took one pull, started coughing my fucking lungs out. And started laughing, right? Just laughing. Exactly. Bro, how evil are the ashtray? Like to think, I would give a sick to my 10-year-old niece, like, that is disgusting behavior. I know. God damn. Your uncle's a creep. All right. Well, anyway, that was the, uh, I went there and I fucking was going to my parents, Jim, when I was there. Bro, that's an old person, Jim. I'm not going to mention the name. But here's the thing. So there is awesome facility. There's pool, there's hot tub, there's, there's, uh, there's a sauna, there's a steam room, there's a little fucking thing you put your, uh, your swim trunks in and you press the button and it fucking drives him in eight seconds. Fucking cool. It's, it's for 70 bucks. It's fucking awesome. Anyway, so there's two lifeguards on duty at night. And I go on there at night one of the days and I notice the, uh, the second lifeguard, by the way, he is, uh, has down syndrome. So in my head, of course, you know, I, I pop a little sativa before I go to the gym, right? Just to give you, especially at night, because you need a little push. It's my pre-workout for us non, uh, no smokers. This teav is the one that gets you uppers, the one that makes you up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like having a little cup of coffee. I mean, I'm talking about three milligrams. You know, I'm talking about nothing. A half of a five milligram, just to give me a little pep. To really give you a little pep, three mgs gives you a little pep. I have a very light tolerance, man. Very light. But I mean, on the plane, that's why when I took the 25 and the 10 and hit the 35 and hit the other road, that's going to crush me. So yeah, anyway, I'm in there and why'd you guys opinion now? I feel at that moment, I first, I'm like, wait, down syndrome, do my lifeguard? Yo, and the comedian, my, my, my head, you know, my brain starts going towards. And then I realized, like, oh, he's the number two. And I'm realizing the fucking the, the lifeguard, they're all scrawny and shit. And I'm looking at number two, the ass down syndrome. And he is not scrawny, but I'm like, bro, I had this muffin. It's perfect to have me on number two. Because if I fall in, that may start drowning. Guess what? That little scrawny fuck ain't gonna get me, but DS with that strength. He's going to pull me out like fucking Rick Flair, pull my fuck out the ring, you know what I'm saying? Like, so in essence, it's beneficial to have him there. Because also, I realized when that motherfucker has a goal, he's going to go harder than anybody. He's a narrow scope, and he's going to save my fucking life, God damn it. Right? DS going to come to like a superhero. He's going to go off the diving board to get to that fun part. He feels like he ain't playing games. And, yo, when I see him, he's holding that Baywatch shit. Remember the thing that hold on, Baywatch, the thing? Oh, yeah. He's holding it so tight. I'm like, God damn, he's good. But yeah, you know, so fucked up. I'm so mad is because what my, my, so I, when I go to the gym, my thing is I start off in the hot tub for 15 to 20 minutes, get my heart rate going, right? It also takes away some of the, you know, soreness and inflammation from the day before because I try to do pushups every other day. After that 15 minute warm up in the hot tub, 20 minutes, what I'll do is take a cold, take a cold shower, right? And then jump on the stairmaster for 15 to 20. Fucking drippy sweat again. Then I go take another cold shower and then I jump in the, uh, in the sauna or a steam room for a cap off, nightcap, so, um, I can't, yeah, nightcap, a little nightcap. But anyway, that was my scheduling, but here's my dumbass at one day. So I, the edible hits me. I took a five that day instead of my normal half. So it's hit me and I took it on the empty stomach. So it's really hit me a little bit. I'm so dumb. I'm like, I get this idea of the hot tub. You know, instead of a stairmaster today, let me do fucking some laps and some treading of water and go in the pool. Fuck, go in the fucking pool. Immediately go, I went from the wrong way and the lifeguards are, you got to go in from this way. My dumbass goes in the fucking pool and I lift up one of the things that separates the lanes and my head underwater immediately fucking both of my air pods. Just fucking fall in the water. God damn, bro. You had both of the air pods in? Yeah, I lost them. Rags, you mentioned Mandingo. I just want to share something real quick with you guys because it's just a jogged by memory. This is a, sometimes this is what I do to get kicks if I got a little bit of downtime, right? So I got this scam email, right? That I had to read twice to realize it was a scam. Let me just tell you what it said. Garnishment notification and rest note is legal department of major cure credit bureau. Case file, 24 ST, 5, 7, 6, 9, 2, 4, loan reminder debt recovery. Do amount $1,200, right? Settlement. But if I said, basically so they send me a thing saying that they're going to garnish my paycheck or they're going to arrest me, right? Yeah, right. Unless I make a $650 payment today, right? So I had to look through the email to see where it was coming from and all that. Like really sneaky. And then they end it on do respond ASAP best wishes. Ryan Harris, senior legal advisor. Yeah, right. So I had to read it twice just to make sure like, yo, this is scam. So I was so heated, I hate scammers. Like I've heard so many horror stories of them getting old people. My dad almost fell victim to one of those fuckers. You know what I mean? So I was like, all right, you know what? I fell a little mischievous that day. So I set them an email back. I said, dear Mr. Harris, please find attached a photo of my credit card number. Should you need the security card in the back? It's two, one, three. Please let me know if you're able to process the payment through the attachment. Please confirm that the one time payment and then out of 650 account will be closed and no additional actions needed. Any other information, please feel the contact me. Clifford Shaquan Smith, which is a bit, which is the whitish name in the world and the bladders near the world on one side. So then I'm imagining in my head this call center from India, like this idiot just sent us a copy of his his credit card and stuff. We got him. So then I sent him the infamous van Dingo guy on the on there as the attachment and had to look up his name. His name is Barry Wood. Yeah, I've looked him up. Yeah, exactly. So I sent that as the attachments that I got there to say I got. I was laughing to myself pretty much all day. And then he would lie back and no, no, then yeah, because they knew they knew better than this. Why don't you use games? You just gave them some new stuff. Jerkoff material. Either that or it made him feel very inadequate. But over there moving on. Let's go to pet peeves and after we'll go to pet peeves and that'll wrap it up after that. Pet peeves. So here's here's a pet pee of mine. I noticed actually while I'm in New Jersey. So why is it that every fucking time I pull up to the light right in New Jersey? And you can't take a turn on red. The sign for no turn on red. The sign is always in the right area in the corner, right? So you could pull up on the right and actually miss a sign if you're looking a little bit to the left, correct? No turn on red is always on the right. It's never it should be no turn on red should be right in the fucking middle right next to the stoplight. So everyone can see it up there because I have missed the no turn on red multiple times because I passed it a little bit and I'm not thinking about it, right? Am I right? Absolutely. You're 100% wrong, I beg the differ 100% okay. You're 100% wrong. First of all, most of those don't turn on right are just single lanes that you could only turn from that lane. Therefore, it's going to be on the right side of the road because it gives a shit if you're in the middle lane or the left lane because you're making a left or go straight. Harble, horrible, horrible job by you. Have you ever missed the sign? Do not turn on red? That's what I'm saying, if you break up a little bit, you miss it. Wait, have you ever missed the sign? Never, never. Come on! You know you have, bro. I remember specifically one time I made a turn on a no turns in Newark and got pulled over. Like on Broad Street, you know, I made a turn on a no turns traffic light and that no turn traffic light was dead smack in the middle of the of the heat. Like right between the red, that's smack in the middle of the road kind of and I missed it. So you wait, so you're saying the opposite way, you're saying because of it in the middle? Yes, yes, exactly. You got even looking forward to that. Well, I was making a right. I was making a right. Why do I give a shit if it's in the middle? I'm making a right. See, our brains work in different ways. I need to sign in them as I'm approaching. I need to know. I'm like Robocop, I'm scanning it. Well, at least my contrary, my contrary opinion was not just for hyperbole. It had some, you know, some, you know, history behind it. I wasn't just disagreeing just to disagree. All right, no, I like that you disagree. We need some disagreement, right? Obviously, you know what I'm saying? That's what life is about. Next P if I have the fucking asshole who texts you, man or woman. And hey, man, what's going on? And I text back a couple of minutes later, whatever. Nothing, bro. What's good? What are you up to? And then you don't hear back for like six hours. Fuck you, you texting before. What? You just trying to start something and then not keep it going? You just like, hey, hey, hey, what is that? What are they doing? Have you guys dealt with this? And I had the same exact thought. Like, what the fuck is the point of that text? Like, seriously. Have you dealt with this? All the time, I guess it is obnoxious. You know, I suppose, you know, what, wait, let me ask you this. Did they ever get back to you at all? Yeah, but what did they say when they finally got back to you? Some so fucking general, you know, it's something so stupid. Well, we should hang out next week. That's it? Some, you know, at the end of the day, there was no- So there was no point to it. It was just trying to catch up and say what's up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's kind of- Yeah, that's weird. Yeah, that's fishers out there. A lot of- Nah, I hear it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, so you knew this person? Oh, I know them very well. You guys know them. Oh, okay. Well, some of us are just way, some of us are just way too busy to stay on top of our text messages, even if we initiate the conversation. Ah, no. Just way too busy. I know, it's just a fucking, you know, we live in this- Because some of us are running black rock rags and then not all of us, okay, all right? So, okay, so going back to my final one here. I don't know if this one's any good, but- So it's like, okay, when you got your alarm set for a fucking big day, 6 a.m., right? You're like shit, today's the day. You force yourself to sleep at like 10, but didn't fall asleep till midnight. So you wake up, but you got to sleep by midnight. 6 a.m., you got to- alarm, 512, you just, I open one eye and you're like, you just wake up, even- But you're still groggy because you haven't slept that much, but you wake up and you look at that clock and you're like, fuck yeah, I got 48 minutes, bitch. 48 minutes, then, which just becomes you, staring at the ceiling, having anxiety about your long, tough day, and then you- And then just tossing and turning and going, you just want 10 more minutes sleep, 10 more minutes. How awful- It's not even a pet peeve, it's just how awful is that? It's like, who is torturing us? Why? Take, go ahead, take, go ahead. I've had that same thing. I think it was actually this past week from Thursday to Friday. So I usually don't go out on a weekday, but it was a very close friend's birthday, so I had a somewhat late night, and I had to get up early as hell for a presentation. And then I wake up at 5 a.m. for no good reason, and I had a pounding headache, and then I had to get up in like an hour and a half. But I just kept thinking of the anxiety of me having to wake up in another hour and a half. I could not fall back. But the whole day was shot, completely completely shot. By the way, when you just started saying that, you sounded like you were testifying in court. It was a good friend's birthday. (laughs) You know, so I was forced to be in court. Are you leaving anything out? Are you leaving anything out from that story there, Jay? No, man, just... Are you leaving any women out? Who knows what's going on with you? Oh, by the way, we had a wedding. We had a wedding we went to, and what was crazy about the wedding was it was inside this huge hotel, this beautiful wedding venue. But what was so cool was they had a little Irish pub, like in the hotel. So let me tell you, folks, the problem with having the Irish pub outside, because you got, during the wedding, they'll cut the drinks off during the ceremony, during the actual dances or song or speeches, right? And usually you have nowhere for you to get a drink, because the venue is just a venue. But in this case, because there's an Irish pub, because it's inside of a hotel. Now, some people are going out to smoke weed, some people are going to get drinks, or some might be bogus cigarettes, but play that fucking video. Jay's video. Yeah, well, yeah, that's fine. And before I do, let me just clarify the context here, right? So this wedding was a vegetarian-only wedding, and I think the groom side of the family was very religious. So there was alcohol in this wedding, but there were very particular on when they want the alcohol to be served. So every wedding, every single wedding, like any in weddings especially, we'll have an hour, they cut the liquor off. This felt like the longest hour, this felt like the longest hour ever, okay? Let's show your table, because by the way, this was not my table. This was during speeches, by the way. This was during the speeches, by the way. This was during the speech, and you know, my comment is, look, man, when you put the Irish pub next door, and you give the people the opportunity for a vape break, or whatever, it's just too easy. But the whole table will be a mistake. Exactly, you see everyone else at the wedding is sitting there watching, and then you see our table. There were two people over there. If you're listening closely, you can hear Jay commentating in the background of that video, because that kudos to Jay to Cap for that moment right there. You see everyone's table, and then you see our table, the generous. And the generous we all were. Yo, let's flash home. Actually, our table was strategically placed, too, in the back corner right near the bar. We were the closest table to that bar. The bar was right behind, and then they weren't serving, though, yeah. Yup, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How do you know it strategically? They said that, someone told you that? No, that's just my... Listen, that's your theory, you're... That's your theory, you're sticking to it. Yup, exactly. I mean, I just put... I put a new car in a name tag, in the fucking Irish pub, bitch, on the bar. I reserve two right over there, bro. Went in there, and it was rounds of Guinness for everybody. Oh, yeah, Jay was drinking, give us a thick shit. That was like, give me the Peroni. I drank what you drank. Maybe it was a Peroni, I think. Yeah, well, 95 degrees outside. Jesus, what are we doing? All right, let's wrap it, guys. We're almost there at the end. We're about an hour. We, pet peeves are done on my and Jay. You got one? Yeah, I got one, actually, Rags. You triggered one of my pet peeves with this whole traffic shit, right? Okay. So, one thing I hate, and I remember you showed that video, how trying to so smart and advanced, they timed the... They show you the timings of the light when it's going to change, right? Yeah. Well, you know, and this one thing I hate about Jersey, sometimes on the long roads, when you catch one light, you catch them all, right? But the most infuriating part about that is that some lights don't have a sensor, where you stop at the light and there's literally no cars going across. I'm like, why the fuck did you do? I like, oh, I explode. Are you the guy that flickers your fucking light, even with no sensor, you're still trying to get it going? Yeah, I am that guy. I am that guy. Me too. I mean, bro, it's like we live in 2024. China's fucking telling us, fucking... In China, they're so advanced, yet... Motherfucker, the red lights can't even fucking be in sync here. You don't understand? On the same block. Jeez. And I'll tell you something. I don't know what it is with the human body, but I don't know what we talked about this, but the closer you get to going home and you've got to take your shit, it's like your stomach just acts up even more. And I just remember on this particular day, when I had to stop at the light and there was no cars coming across, I almost lost it. Like... I almost just went at that point. Come on. At that point, I explained to the cops. I know. I got a shit. Hopefully, you weren't... Hopefully, you were 100% sober. You did not have a single drink in your system. And I think, guys, I mean, one could literally do a whole fucking episode on New Jersey driving pet peeves easily, easily by way. I think anywhere driving pet peeves, because people such bad drivers in LA, in New Jersey, in New York, like these are the worst drivers on the road, and us three are basically dealing with them. You know? The one thing we always get from out-of-state drivers is our jug handles. They have people who understand it when they come to Jersey. Bro, where's your jug handle? The name of like a guy in a cartoon. No, jug hat. You think of jug hat from the Archie comics, yeah. You. All right, fellas. Good job. We're back. And, guys, we're going to be back every week. Again, hope you guys like us. Please, dose. What do they got to do? They got to... Guys, remember, subscribe to us on YouTube. A dose of Rags, A-D-O-U-S-R-A-A-G-Z. Follow us on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube. We're on Apple Podcasts. We're on Spotify. Hit that follow. Hit that subscribe. Hit that like. It is. Take care, everyone.