I said I don't know if I would regret this, lmao! So I can't even give a description for real. just know y'all like her on here, cause the numbers don't lie. Sooooo...tap in, I'm sure she kept it real. I won't be quoted though lmao
JESS B. Real Podcast
Chelsea's Chats
(upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - All right, y'all. So this is my first time hitting the mic solo and I cannot lie to you. I am nervous as fuck. Nervous as hell. But we here together and we're gonna like, we're gonna rock out. Be patient with me, please. Because today has been a day from hell. I'm gonna give you a little rundown on what my day was. So this morning at six o'clock room, I was getting the roof fixed at my house when my mom was getting the roof fixed at the crib. People was up stomping on the roof. That's six o'clock in the morning, do you know how aggravating that shit is if we're being self fucking for real? And then, you know, my dog, I'm a Roddy. He don't fuck with shit like that. So he was up barking. Then I had to deal with that. Then I needed food. So I had to go all the way to this place up in Charlotte. I'm not gonna plug them. But I'm gonna say the food is fire. And if you live here deeming me, and I'll tell you the restaurant 'cause you should check it out, then what else happened? I'm not sure. But today has just been self fucking stressful. I was supposed to record this shit for other two, and it's 849. So that's how you know that it has been so busy for me. Just a little quick rundown for, so I could finish off like what I did earlier today. We went to go see Beetlejuice. And I just wanna give you a little bit of movie etiquette. Please don't bring your child if they're not old enough to sit in the fucking movies. Please don't bring them if they need headphones, if they need lights, if they need anything additional, it's crazy. Set there. This girl's talking. Her headphones is blinking. Her momma keep turning on the brightness. She keep writing it up. Then my mom had to have a flashlight on for her at all time. Like movie etiquette, I was pissed. I don't even really remember what happened in the movie. It was aggravating. But that was it. I mean, that was my day. Today has been a day. And I just wanted to like debrief before we really get into it. And now I feel like I'm done. I've done that. So we can really talk. So I feel like for this episode, it really should be like an introduction on who is Chelsea. I feel like I give that dry. Hi, I'm Chelsea. I'm 23. I'm from Charlotte. But like nobody really knows who I am, what I wanna do. Like nobody knows. So I'm gonna just tell you a little bit. I'm nervous 'cause I'm looking at the clock and I'm trying to make 30. And it's only two minutes and 19 seconds right now. What, I feel like I don't have anything to talk about. But I set up all night and I did my homework. So I'm gonna just talk. If y'all feel like this is rumbly, I do apologize. Jessica normally has a script. I have a couple of questions that I probably like ask the podcast and then return an answer. And hopefully when she posts it, she'll answer them back 'cause I would love to get y'all feedback on how y'all feel about these questions. But hi, I'm Chelsea. I'm 23 and I hate living in Charlotte. I've lived in Charlotte my whole entire life. And I feel like I've outgrown it. I wanna move to somewhere big. Like, I wanna be a stranger. I don't know if y'all ever lived in a city if you're like native to your city, but there's so many people that are like transplants from so many other places to where your city feels like it's not even original anymore. Like that's how I feel about Charlotte. I feel like I've outgrown it. I wanna see something new every day. I'm tired of seeing the same people. I'm tired of people being like, "Oh you, X, Y, Z's. "Daughter you look just like your grandma. "Oh my God, how's your own city? "How's your cousin?" And you're checking in on people that I don't even talk about. Like, I don't even talk to or when I get to somewhere and they're like, "Oh my God, where's your mom? "How's your mom?" And I hate how are you doing? What's going on with you? How are you being out of school? How's work? How's your relationship? How's life? Because those things are stressful and nobody really be checking in on me. So I feel like I need to run away, as Mary J. Bali said, just need to run away. And I've been trying to convince Jessica to move to Raleigh, the Raleigh Durham area. I feel like I don't want to be too far away from my family, but just far enough to where I feel like I'm seeing something different. She wants to live in Virginia. And I just feel like that's so far, but it's kind of like the middle point for both of us. And then, you know, we have a dog. I have a dog. She has a dog that lives with her mom. So it's like, I don't know what to do, but I feel like I'm just rambled. So I'm gonna get into some of my questions that I have for myself. This is like my first journal in truth. Some people journal traditionally, and I have yet to really get into that, just 'cause I'm gonna be a journal. And I'm just still trying to like work through. I had to put my thoughts down to paper. I feel like if I'd sat in like, if it was like a conversation, I feel like I would do good, or something like that. Like if you're to have a conversation to be like, oh my God, how are you feeling? Like, I feel like I could tell you the whole world. But then it's weird. I don't think therapy's for me. So I feel like that's a catch 22. Like if I was just having a conversation with somebody in the street and it asked me some questions, but like I could tell you everything. And if I'm forced to lay down on the couch and talk to a therapist, I wouldn't have much to say to her. Or if I'm forced to like sit down and journal and write down my feelings, the page would be going for hours. So I do have some questions. Let me see which one I wanna start with, because I feel like this one would be important. I feel like I've been really anxious lately with financial burdens, relationships, like with relationships with Jessica and my mom. I feel like I've been really stressed. And financially like, maybe we all know the dollar can go but so far. And she's getting expensive as fuck. So I just, I don't know, I just feel so anxious. Like we literally just went out to talk for Jessica's birthday. And I was so overwhelmed with figuring out how I'm gonna pay for things. I had just got into school, going to school to finish up my marketing degree. And then there's some other little things I wanna do along with school. And I was just so anxious. Jessica caused me the rock of your boater because I never cry in front of her. And I feel like in that moment, seeing in what should have been a joyous place, our first ever vacation, I sat on the beach and cried. I don't cry in front of her. I don't feel like, I don't feel like I cry in front of anybody. And I don't say there's nothing wrong with the expressing your emotions in those ways. I just feel like it's so hard for me. Every time I yawn, my eyes water and Jessica's like, that's from your suppressed emotions because you don't really release. And I feel like as a child, I used to cry, you know, everybody's wanna say, stop that crying before I give you something to cry about. And I feel like that's really what I dealt with a lot. My mom was saying, stop that crying before I give you something to cry about. So where it's like, I only express my emotions one way. And that's with attitude or anger. And not my true emotions because it's okay to be sad when shit is stressing you out. And I feel like I'm really anxious and I'm overwhelmed. And I don't know how to cope with it. I really don't. And so I've been trying new ways. You know, I've been trying the meditation and I've been looking into studying my crystals. I feel like Jessica wants to help. Like, once I get a good understanding will help. But she wants me to do the work. And I can't blame her. You gotta do the work for yourself guys before you expect somebody to do it for you. She wanted to be authentic for yourself. So she's really been pushing me to do the work. I've been trying. I've been bullshitting her. But I really, in that moment, sitting on the beach crying was like, yes, she got a shake. So I've been trying one to get a new job to killing the young in school. Really proud of myself. Because it's kind of like I had to start over. I've done school several times. I want just going to be a CNA. I did a little bit of occupational therapy, physical therapy. Then I went to school and started my freshman year for my marketing degree. And then my grandmother had passed. So I had kind of took a break just to get my life in order. And then in that case, I had just started 22. And I was living like on the edge. Really reckless. Really not demure. Not very keep-seared classy. But that the year 22 was, well, yeah, 21, 22, was like a lot of my core memories that make me who I am now. So, yeah, so I can't even be mad at myself for not really taking the time. The first time I got the opportunity because I still was able to live life. So I'm still only 23. I still feel like I have enough time. I day put myself in a deadline. I have to think things out and plan things. So I'm trying to get done by school by the time I started in '25. Like, I will work. Work summers, work winters, no breaks, 'til I get it done because success, I'm not gonna overwork myself to be successful because I can be successful without it. I've been doing great without it. But I do encourage, for those that wanna continue your education, take it seriously and do what you have to do for yourself, don't let anybody limit you. Don't limit yourself. Be proud of yourself and never let anybody take accountability or take recognition for what you've done. I feel like that's another thing I struggle with. I got a wish room for my mom the week before I started school. And she was like, "Hey, Monk, "I just wanna tell you how proud I am "because I know I raised you to be a wonderful woman "and because of me, you are gonna do great things." And in my mind, I sit down and I feel like our parents take a lot of ownership over the actions that we did. You did establish some key fundamental blocks for me to be a wonderful person. But I took those, I applied those. Like, I became the person I am because of who I want it to be, not because of who you are, or her favorite line is, "Oh, I want you to be like me, but better." I don't wanna be like you. I love the time of my mind. I don't wanna be nothing like you. And it's not in a disrespectful way. I love you dearly, but I don't wanna be anything like you. I wanna be like me. And I know I'm not kids to be like, "Mommy, I'm gonna be like you when I grow up. "I don't want you to be like me. "I want you to be like you." Everybody has their own individual lives. And now Jessica's in here. Say it. - What's up, fam, man? - Hi, fam, man. - Yo. - She just wanted to come test me to see if I was doing it. And now I'm lost, but anyways, y'all. Like I was saying, I don't wanna be like my mom, and I don't want my kids to feel like that. It'd be like me. I don't wanna pressure anybody. Like pressure my kids and the actors. And they're like, I have to have, I have to live up to somebody else's expectations because it's not just not the truth. I mean, I'm gonna encourage you to go to college and do some things that I did, but be you and be the best you could be. Like, I don't know. I ain't getting nothing for them. Like a study book to be like, "I want you to be like me." Mm-mm, it's just about it. But yeah, y'all. I just, like I said, this episode will be a lot of rambling as I go through my notes and like look at some of these like questions and stuff. I feel like this year, 2020 or was probably by far not the best year of my life. And I wanna talk about that. I've only been allowed for 24 years. You're like, how can you know what's been the worst year of your life? But I feel like this was a wake-up call. I feel like if I don't get set in, then my grandma has passed. See my mom handle depression. My mom got into a car accident finding out she had a brain tumor and having a deal with that. You know, my aunt just getting older and being more dependent. Well, not as dependent. She's still a very independent woman, but kind of leaning on us more. And then this really being my first real relationship and having to kind of go through the honeymoon phase, to the real phase, to the phase where you know, sometimes for months we just argue and argue and argue and not knowing if that's normal because I dealt with a lot of situations and not a lot of long-term relationships and not being scared and wanting to run from what, you know, could have been or what is currently. Like, I don't know. So kind of just figuring out who I am standing in my ground just goes very bold and she knows her personality. I'm 10 years younger than her, which kind of is like, she's very understanding that I'm still trying to learn. And she knows that I have not daddy issues. I'm a odd girl, I have mommy issues 'cause I'm the only child and my mom, I love her dearly traumatizing me in some ways. And so just trying to work through those, being more vocal with my mom, not trying to be disrespectful, but opinionated to let her know that I'm grown. I gotta do stuff and you may not like it, but shit, she gotta shake this way. I gotta have to experience in, I don't know. Yeah, so I feel like this year was a lot of like, who is Chelsea? What is Chelsea wanna do? But realizing that maybe you're grown now and there's no more running back to stand behind your mom or I didn't hide in your room away from the world and let somebody else make the decisions for you. Like you have to stand up, be vocal, make your decisions and face whatever consequences come with their actions in this year. I've had to face several of those consequences because I don't know how to control my mouth. I talk shit and that's it. Like I don't do nothing else. I don't throw hands. I talk shit and I just let it be what it is. Like okay, that's my way. Like my mom never let me hear people, but that mouth is lethal and I'm sure Jessica will literally get on it, get into it and stuff. So yeah, I don't know. I just, this is not what I would call like a full of episode, but it is me also trying to not prove myself but to let Jessica know that I am not scared. I was terrified to get up here to talk to y'all and I've been talking about doing a solo episode for so long. I'm like, yeah, I'll get up there, I'll kill it. I have so many things to talk about and they're gonna love me and I do have to give her her credit 'cause baby Jessica takes the time, she takes the notes, she does the research and she comes and she gives y'all great episodes every Sunday, so many seasons of episodes, so many good, so much good content, so many good guests. So I do just wanna thank her for giving me this, just just a little time on one episode before we come back to, excuse me, all back together so we can really kill the game 'cause we do have some stuff to talk about and yeah, I just wanna thank her in that little bit of a segment. Then we're gonna segue into like, how do y'all feel about the exes of the people that you're currently dating? I wanna talk about that topic because I find myself too often talking about my exes and people are like, girl, would you talk about your exes? Where are you in a relationship? Well, yes, and I don't even wanna call them exes 'cause I've never actually been in a relationship but they were all like situationships, so I've had three big key situationships that I feel like formed and down dating like were the foundations for how I would have expected a real relationship to be or how I present myself in a real relationship and me and Jessica were just talking about this coming up from the movies and she was like, yeah, you know, that conversation we just had. Kinda put a bad taste in my mouth and I just wanna know how y'all feel about it. Me and my ex-situationships, never was on bad terms. Like, I feel like there's some level of like cord and like if I see you out, it could be hey, never know bad blood, never know bad energy, like never. Like, they are very respectful of when I talk to my, hey, you know, I got something new going on, King Billy, can't really fuck with you. I'm focusing on this 'cause this is longevity, any. They respect that a Jessica does not like talking about them whatsoever and I do respect it and I do try to steer away from them but for so long, those situationships will wear my identity because I was just going from one to the next to the next because it was just like comfort. I didn't wanna be alone. I never had nobody to talk to. I don't really have friends. I just had family. So it's like, yeah, those moments where they would give me that little bit of attention and I could ride over to them and just be in their space or pick up on their friends and just be in their environment, helped a lot 'cause I didn't really like to be alone. As opposed to my guest week girl, Jessica, as opposed to our exes have bad blood. Like with her and in return with them having bad blood, we already have bad blood with me. And I do wanna say this shit right now. There was one of Jessica's exes fam that we may all have to jump together and I told her I may put it in the chat like I may let y'all know, but as of right now, she's really been coming to me hard. She's 31, I'm 23 and I will mop the floor with her 'cause it's like girl, grow up and get over it. So I'm also trying to work on that and create a new identity and kind of go back through those core moments of those situationships. So really filter out what was fiction and what was not fiction. Like what out of those memories made Chelsea and what out of those memories really made Chelsea? Because I feel like a lot of those moments I was helping me figure out what I was doing wrong. Baby, when you talk about a trick, I was a trick. When you talk about gullible, I was a girl. When you talk about my evil, you talk about all the things, I was that girl. I was that girl 'cause I mean, if you looked at me and said, babe, I love you, I would give you the world and I have a problem with that. I had a problem with that. Like I never looked to like, I never liked to let anybody go without. So I'm a spoiler, I spoil Jessica like crazy. It's different 'cause she's my girlfriend. So I feel like this actual spoiling is self-fulfilling because I'm doing it for a person who does it back. But back then, I was just doing it to do it because I feel like that's what was needed. That was necessary. That was gonna keep them around. And so I'm sure there's some trauma in that area that I have yet to really figure out what the truth is. And it probably does stem from a little bit of fatherly issues, but that's not like my core like, oh, you got any issues. I'm not 'cause it's like Robert Nash Jr. to the day I died. I don't care. He never wanted anything to do with me. So that's all I feel about him in that situation. But I do want to know like, how do you feel about your exes? Do y'all think y'all could be cordial with your exes while you're currently in a relationship? Not cordial to where y'all gotta talk every day or y'all on the phone every day. But like, you know, if they, if y'all haven't talked in like three months and they're like, "Hey, I just want to check in." And you give 'em like, "I'm in good, but I'm in a, you know, I'm in a relationship. I'm still there to XYZ." And they'd be like, "Respect." Just wanted to check in, you know? Because I used to talk to your moms or whatever and they'd be like, "Yeah, I just wanted to check in." They'd say, "I'm going by in and out." In and out like a robbery, in and out. And that's how I feel like mine's hard and stuff. Also, I do want to talk to y'all about something because I'm kind of coming up with my last 10 minutes. We on Power 3 might go a little longer 'cause y'all have been bearing with me while I just ramble. And I hope somebody finds pieces and bits of this to be something that they enjoyed because I really do appreciate this. I feel like I'm decompressing, but I do want to talk about, damn, I forgot. (laughs) I forgot, um, she's gonna kill me. I can't have that air, so I gotta keep talking, but I really am forgiving. Oh, well, I want to talk about this too. I am nervous. Next week we go to Delaware and I get to meet Jessica's friends for the first time. Now, these friends are like Jessica's friends who got to see Jessica in her prom. I'm not saying my girl, not in her prom, but you know, college days, young days. Like, they met when they were my age, 23. So a lot of like, you know, a lot of life happened then. And I'm not saying I'm not dating the same person, but as you know, she's gone on her growth journey. And so I feel like I'm nervous. There's gonna be so many inside jokes, I don't know. They don't have so much history about shit, I don't know. They were actually there to see the exes and see her in those experiences. And they are the ones that really got to see the growth. Like, I get to hear about the growth, but they got to see the growth. So I'm nervous because I don't want to feel like an outsider. Like, I feel like I know my girlfriend enough, but sometimes in situations where she is with her friends, I can kind of feel like I'm a stranger to her. Like, I don't know her. And I don't really want that to be the case, but I am nervous. But I'm gonna try my best as a, and then, 'cause I'm always staying youngest in the moment I come to her, I be very quiet because I'm like, they can't relate to me when I was talking about making the styling, go out real or baddies or something like that. I really don't watch baddies. I just know I'm in the body, I beat the fuck up. She got beat up bad. So I feel like I'm not gonna be able to relate, and I don't want to be out the mix. So I'm gonna try to put my best foot forward and go outside of my comfort zone and probably try to try to make effort, especially for Jessica because I know living now here, she feels like she doesn't have a good support system, and I'm always trying to brooch the gap between what is support for her and what is like me, because I know I can't be her everything. I mean, I could be, but I'm not jealous. I love to share my girlfriend with her friends. I want Jessica to make this like a vlog, to where y'all could see us, because I want to start doing this whole cooking thing. I feel like cooking, moving my hands while I talk, so I'm in the conversation, I feel a little bit different. I do the cooking, I throw down in the kitchen, we're gonna make doughnuts, it's spooky season. So y'all will see our post a lot of the fun activities. We do, we got Titan, Halloween costume, and we got some pending Halloween costumes and activities. Hopefully, with the next couple of months, we do have an update on us moving, or whatever Jessica's ready to tell y'all. I'll tell y'all the secret she started playing football, and I do a little practice with her. I do like to be a football girlfriend, but she does start games in April. Her first game is like, what's about some more teams? So I don't know if we're traveling or not, but she does start football. I'm super excited to be then over the top. I'm wearing your baby jerseys or whatever. I got baby pictures on. But another thing, what I really want to talk to y'all about, so that way y'all can help me convince her, is I feel like we're ready to make that next step and have a baby, baby, baby, be a millionaire. Like, I'm ready to be a mommy. I know I still feel like I got a lot of going up to you, and they always say like, I try to help you grow up, but I don't want to solely have a job, because I feel like it will push me in the right direction to grow up, but I want to have a baby for my baby. I want my baby to have a baby for me. She's already told me what she wanted, as a push kid, she wants a Jeep, and I want a Bronco, but like a decked out Bronco. I want my baby to have a baby for me. I want to be a mom. We play the Sims a lot, so we do already kind of have names. But we've talked to y'all about them before, but I gave them again to y'all. We have a Jew. We have a Jacobi. We have a Cory. And we have come here. But please don't steal my baby names, because I will go crazy. But, yeah, I want to have a baby, soon, soon, very soon. But, y'all, I really don't -- I don't have nothing else really to say. I really try. And if y'all really looked at my nose, you were like, "Girl, you didn't talk about anything. I'll put on the notes." But, like I said, this was my first journal entry, virtual journal entry, and I'm just decompressing. And I just wanted to share with y'all something that I had on my mind. Because, baby, I'm squirrel-minded. I'm so sporadic. Like, I'll be thinking about one thing then, and I'm thinking about something else, and I don't ever remember what the original topic at hand was. And y'all have seen that. Because when me and Jessica get on here, I'd be talking, and I'd go to another story, and another story, and then she'd be like, "Get to the point." And I'd be like, "Girl, that's aggravating." And I know the next time I'm on here, we do that two things to talk about. When we were on the Planet Puerto Rico, we started a movie called The Magical Society of Negroes. And I know I'm going to come on here and talk about that from my perspective of going to an all-white high school during the first Trump era and where she was during that era, because I'm sure she was a voter then. So we're going to talk about that, and we had something else. Ooh, kids. Dating people with kids, which is the reason that triggered that conversation about the X's. Because I do have one X who had three kids, and I'm like, "I never really saw the problem with dating somebody with kids." Because they were all under the digits of one digit, like they were real babies. And I never really saw a problem with it, so I know we're going to talk about that. And then we're just going to give you all that mid-year update because before y'all know it, September 23rd will officially make it a year, which will officially let y'all know I beat that Probational Period and I'm not going anywhere. So expect to hear back for me soon, and I promise the next time I have a solo episode, I'm going to give it to y'all straight, I'm going to give it to y'all bold, and I'm going to give it to y'all fierce, and I'm coming for y'all with a way with so much more information. The next time we talk is going to be good, I promise this was just the first time. And I know it's not perfect, but it is something for y'all, so please bear with me until we talk again. It was so, so fun. So I hope she lets me do this again if she listens to it. I may have to record twice, but I did put my attention on it, and I feel like she will post it because I tried my best. So thank you so much for rambling and listening to me ramble. Because I know we could have been doing some other topics, but thank you guys so much until next time. Bye!