Hello everyone, my name is Ashley Arpelssteinback and I am thrilled to announce my new podcast on the Hopecast Network, Lots of Laughs, where I will be chatting with comedians, restaurant tours, and everyone in the entertainment industry about comedy, duh, pop culture and of course, a little bit of food. You can follow lots of Laughs on Instagram @locksoflapspodcast and lots of Laughs will be available on Spotify, iTunes, anywhere you listen to podcasts, so like, follow, subscribe, and I cannot wait to nosh with you. This is the Hopecast Network, stories and shows you actually want to listen to. It doesn't have to stop because you gotta get a shot. Welcome to another edition of Moving Torture, it is the hot, hot summer, are we still in summer? What did you consider? We're in September, Raj, it's a little cool, we're in Jacob and I right now, it's like 76 degrees, it feels amazing. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna count down the days when that changes for you, Lilly. I know you can't wait for September, yeah, so we're going back, what, about 20-60 years here? You introduce yourself, right, I'm sorry, I mean usually, MTD is saying, is it September? What's up Rogers, your little buddy Brad, and we are joined today, it's such a great day here in September, yes, Moving Torture Dad, you must have hit your head, Moving Torture Dad is joining us, he is on the show, you know, at this point Raj, we've made him a cast member, but he's invisible because he's like Sarah, mom, he is, he like only talks through text, but he's here, so Moving Torture Dad is a part of the cast now, so we will start introing him at the beginning, and he's saying, is it September? Yes, it is September, at least when you're listening, this is September, we're launching our Tubi month, Septubi, we're in Septubi, I like that name, and that laugh you hear is Minnesota Roger, he's, hello, yes, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, when you travel and you move, you've got to find your local Roger, we would love to see this of your Roger friend locally, I found Minnesota Roger, and you know, he's a, he's a cold dude, he really is, Jacob, if I'm gonna be replaced, I'm glad it's Jacob, yeah, I'm glad I hear his big shoes to fill some, I'm honored, yeah, very nice to be too, last 15. And listeners, you can't see him right now, he's got a Minnesota Garlic Festival shirt on, so he's definitely bringing the garlic with him tonight, so Andy has a bobble head of me, so I like anybody has a bobble head of me, he's still back there, it's still yeah, it's full size, so anyway, Roger, what movie are we doing today? We're doing almost heroes from 1998, say Adventure Comedy Western, with of course, Chris Farley and Matt, Matthew Perry, and yeah, I wonder what they're up to right now, and it was directed by Christopher Guest, the box office, right, the budget for the movie was 30 million, and the box office was 6.1 million. But did they spend 30 million dollars on, I wanted to- Farley and Perry's cocaine, probably. Was Perry on the Coke, or was he on like the opioids, like the prescription drugs, what was he on? I think he was on a lot of different, I mean just from what he shared publicly, yeah, he was drinking alcohol, I think alcohol was one of his biggest fans, but- He definitely wasn't on an acting coach because he was terrible in this movie, like, he wasn't like, he wasn't getting coached by his friends, yeah, coach, whoever coached him for friends because this is terrible. But I don't know, 30 million seems like, it seems pretty rich for '98, and they filmed this in '96, this was filmed in '96, released in '98 because Farley died, and we're back in Farley verse again, which Roger, listeners, if they don't know, we launched the pod with Farley, right? Yeah. It's just the- Yeah, this is the first time we've gone back to the Farley verse, right? Yeah. We're back, I mean, we're back with- Why did- why have we chose two of his crappiest movies to talk about? Like, we don't- we didn't do Tommy Boy, we'll see the other one Jacob, um, black sheep, I don't think I've ever seen black sheep. Yes. Tommy Boy, with the different skin on it, basically. Yeah. Roger. How much funnier than this one? Way funnier than this. Yeah. Yeah. Roger, I wouldn't get into this movie, but before we do that, you need to tell us about um, any more things we need to know about this movie. That paid zero cents, but all well. Yeah, I've- I've got some reviews to- Dan's gonna be really funny and really good, um- Oh my gosh. Yeah, it was funnier than this movie. Um, yeah, it was filmed in the big mayor region of Northern California, and then basically it's basically a lot of money, it looks like one of the sets, and all they've written out certain parts in places that they filmed at. Really? I feel like they just kept circling the same area, like we just saw the same part of the river over and over again. I mean, they filmed in California, they filmed in Montana, on Missouri, they filmed in, uh, lining up, uh, National Forest and the Melissa Clark National Forest in California, so they- they filmed it like three different California spots, so yeah, yeah. Just a quick side note, Chris Farley, the movie you said made 6 million in theater, right? Yeah. Chris Farley's salary for this movie was 6 million, which 6 million, 96 money is pretty good. Like- Yeah. Did he get top billing or did Matthew Perry? Yeah, but Matthew Perry was- was- was on fire in 90- 96, right? I don't know, I was not a big friends person, went and friends were to kick off. When did that really kick off though, was that Patrick Patrick? Friends was from '94 to 2004. He received two million from the movie. Okay. So friends was only a couple of years ago when this movie was filmed. Yeah. Yeah. So he wasn't big yet. Was he ever really big though? I mean, what did Matthew Perry ever do outside of friends that you're just like, "Man, that's a great." Was it that Bruce Willis movie? He was getting the whole line yarns with Bruce. That one. That's it, right? That was, uh, yeah, I mean I was seeing too many. He was in that same thing again with, uh, Zat Defra on, oh yeah. Full brush here. What's cool? Have we done that movie on here? We haven't done that one, right? No. We haven't done 17 again. Yeah. We probably end up doing that. Oh yeah. That was right. It was the best movie we ever had. Okay. Do you want me to do my one minute synopsis? Because I'm ready to be tapped in on talking about this movie, man. We do. Yeah. Okay. So basically, you Perry from Fred Chandler, from Friends wants to travel and beat Lewis and Clark to the Pacific. So in his desperation hires Tommy Boy to go with him. A ragtag bunch of morons as they cross America shenanigans happen. They get there and they discover, uh, the Pacific before Lewis and Clark and the movie ends. There's, oh my gosh. That's the movie in a nutshell, really the movie's not, shouldn't even be called almost heroes. You just got a heroes. Because I mean, they made it in the movie. They didn't know, I think they should have not, they should have almost made it, which would have made the title funnier. Everything should have been an almost this whole movie. Yeah. I was over. Oh my gosh. This movie was 90 minutes and I watched it with my son and we watched it yesterday and it was all I could do. I had to take a leak like with 20 minutes to go and I forced myself to just hold it to finish this movie out, which is kind of stupid when you think about it. I should have just went to the bathroom and listened to Matthew Perry and this was back when Matthew Perry had jacked up teeth. Did y'all notice the teeth on Matthew Perry? His chompers were jacked, but when he died in the last few years, it looks like he has nothing but pearly whites. Like he's definitely had teeth work done. Okay. Yeah. It was, it was a teeth work. Okay. So let's get to the opening scene. You've got Tommy Boy about to get hung. This movie starts kind of dark. You're putting Tommy Boy in the noose and in what he says, listeners, listen to me, what he says in the beginning, to me, haunts this whole movie because keep in mind this movie came out six months after he was putting the ground dead. And I think he says, when I die, he's talking about when he dies at the beginning of this movie because they're about to hang him and he's literally dead. This movie, it really just is on ominous for him in my opinion. What do you think guys? I mean, it was weird. That was kind of a, it was a very weird part of the movie listening to him talk about when I die and all that like, and in Chris Farley throughout the movie, I mean, he looked rough. Like, I mean, for Chris Farley standards, he just looked rough in that movie. How much? You could tell he was at the end of his old is empty beer. You a Farley fan or not a Farley fan. I'm curious what MTV is going to say because he's a different generation than us. How much farting do you think was going on on this set? Because Farley was huge and like he looked like he was snorting cocaine constantly in this movie. Like, do you think he remembers his lines or do you think somebody was telling him and they shot the scene? Like, how do you think this worked because he looked, you're right Jay, you're right Minnesota Roger. He looked horrible. Yeah. He was, he just between the, he just had a very, I mean, then the part was kind of perfect for his current condition at that time because you know, he's out in the wild and he could look to shovel, but he, he really did. I mean, he just, you know, just his voice and he was a, he was a smoker too, but he just sounded horrible as well. I will say this movie has, movie torture dad said he likes him somewhat. He was funny. I'm sorry, not alive. Now he was, but I feel like Minnesota Roger and I agree on this and Roger, you probably do too. He's a one trick pony, Farley is a one trick pony. I don't think he could do serious. I don't think he could not be like, oh, man, I'm going to my everything crazy. He just the one, you know what you're getting with Farley. He's like a pizza hut pizza. You know what you're getting when it's delivered to your door. You're not getting something. You're like, whoa, I didn't see that in him, right? Am I wrong on that? Or is that a good assessment? That's you, right? Yeah. You're a hundred percent hurt on that. So what I was going to say is this movie has a David Spade problem because Matthew Perry needs to be David Spade if they're putting Chris Farley in this movie, and he's got to be way more condescending and mean to Farley. I think that's what makes Farley funny is when he's playing off someone that is just disgusted by him in his actions, David Spade's hurt. But this whole movie, the problem with this movie is, and it's funny that we're talking and Jacob, we're talking Christopher Guest who is connected. He is the husband of our pooping princess, Jamie Lee Curtis. By the way, Jacob, have you had your shot yet before the show or are you going to get it near in the show? If I live in life, it's going to happen on this show. If y'all didn't listen to that episode, you need to go back to the Freaky Friday episode because that drop, you'll hear at the beginning of most the rest of our episodes for our life. I've got that drop saved. You can hear Jacob because life doesn't have to stop when you get the shot, when you take the shot. Anyway, he's got Christopher Guest's director, but here's the thing. I feel like this movie, guys, listen, I feel like this movie would have been so much funnier if it had been, it's obvious it's a Monty Python movie. The guy getting the injuries all the time, I'm okay. He's just like the guy in the Monty Python. Christopher Guest is part of Monty Python, right? Is he part of, he is, right? No. No, he's not. Okay, well then he's ripping off Monty Python, he's part of spinal tap, that's where he's part of, right? Yeah. Right? He's a lot of good stuff. This movie would have been hilarious if you just put two British guys as a lead, and this was a British comedy movie. I feel like it would have hit so much better. These two idiots can't act their way out of a box in this movie, and you've got Guy Fontenot. Now, Fontenot, he's the best part of this movie, by the way, Eugene Levy. He was great. But I feel like you need to be British guys. The fact that Farley and Matthew Perry, I think, is stupid. See, I wouldn't ask for British guys. You don't like British movies, though, Raj? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. MTV. You like British movies or no British movies? What about you, Minnesota Roger? You're a British guy or not? Out of all the actors we have in this country, and you're trying to make a comedy movie, and you're like, "Let's get Matthew Perry." He can hit this. Like, he's not a comedic guy. He tried so hard, and it just did not land. They was so bad. Like, there's so many people that have chosen over him to do this movie. Why do you think they were trying to capitalize on the friends? Yeah. Dumb, though. They couldn't get David Spade on the horn, like David Spade. Do you think he finally said, "I'm not doing another stupid movie with Farley?" Do you think he did that? Like, why wasn't David Spade in this movie? It could have been money. They didn't want to pay Spade the money on the second lead. You know who else would have been funny? I don't... Okay. He had hit. I think he had hit at this point, but if this was filmed in '96, he was just hitting. Adam Sandler would have been funny as with Farley, as the guy, in my opinion. I think Adam Sandler, he wasn't as huge as... He was going to get huge in '97 and '98. He wasn't huge in '96. He had only done Billy Madison, I think, at that point. And that crappy bulletproof with Damon Williams, which that was stupid, will probably end up doing that movie on your two. Because I have Taylor and Tommy or Chris Farley never did a movie together. They did. That's an all together. No, they did. They did. Billy Madison. Yeah. He was the bus driver. He was the bus driver. He was the bus driver. Was he the bus driver in dirty work, too? Mate, I don't remember that. Oh, dirty work is so funny. Yeah, I never knew he was back in the red. I was trying to think of the other. He wasn't in the happy Gilmore. Was he? Chris Farley, no. No, all he was. And he was dead in '97. Okay, back to dirty work really fast. What if we started a company like Norm McNaughton did? And we go out and do dirty work for people? So we go out basically and bully the bullies. I think the movie torture cast would have fun doing that. Would you hire a company of men to take care of your bullies? No, I wouldn't have to handle myself. Yeah. Well, we've heard about your fighting shenanigans, Rod. Rita. Rita. Minnesota, Roger. Have you ever been in a fistfight before? You have? What was that like? What else? I've been in two fistfights my whole entire life. The first one was when I was in fifth grade wrestling, the only thing wrestling I knew was what you've seen on TV. So the ref said, go, I punched the kid in the nose. He went down. I thought I won. Apparently I didn't. And then in the school days, we got a little fight. Much different. It hurt back, so I kind of avoided fighting after that. I've never been in a fight before, nor has MTV ever been in a fight. I've always, I think I've been in two little to fight somebody. I've never seen it. My thing, you don't realize, I was a Chevy Red-Hated kid, and by the time I was a senior, I'd grown out all that. But just in those middle school years where a couple of mine happened, it was just, you know, I was a quiet kid, you know, kind of leave you alone, kind of thing. But then, you know, just, I was in those kind of bullying situations, and I hadn't offended myself. Do you think producer Gary has ever been in a fight before? I think we've had this discussion. Oh, we have that, because we talked about who would win. He said he could beat me in a fight, and Jonathan said, all I need to do is sweep the leg. Yeah. As long as he's got to reach on you, as long as he had to get close to you and get a shot in, as long as you have that quickness spread. Was that the same episode? I don't know if you've listened to that episode, Mr. Roger Ware. I told producer Gary he should go undercover to the Special Olympics, and PG says I could be in the Special Olympics. You need to end the Champions episode, go listen to Champions, which was a great movie. And I was like, Gary, you need to go undercover to the Special Olympics. And he's like, Brad, I could be in this, but I have cerebral palsy. I could be in the Special Olympics. You're with Johnny Knoxville. That's what we wanted to do in the ride, and you're like, go in with Mr. Ringer. He's like, I could be in there already. Like, I don't need to sneak it on, and I was like, and then he said he could beat me in a fight on one episode, and Jonathan's like, just sweep his leg, because he has cerebral palsy, and he'll be down. I hope there's a moral comment that, uh, double drag him, and he won't give you a leg sweep, leg sweep. Absolutely. Gary gets everybody. Poor Gary's been out with surgery, though, on his legs, so, you know, I feel bad goofing on Gary, because he's, you know, laid up in the bed right now, in his Hawaiian shirt. Anyway, back to his crap, old movie man. So Maddie Perry makes quick eyes for the lady, like, really the only lady in the film, other than in the very beginning, you know, with some groups, things. And they said Parker Posey was supposed to be in it, but like her one or two scenes got cut out. Why would they cut her out of this movie? She's a good actress. I think she was supposed to play the woman he was betrothed to, but they never, I guess they cut that scene, which to me, like, here's some things I didn't like. I didn't like to intro where you couldn't, you know, we didn't know who Maddie Perry was coming in and why he was saving, I mean, it was just, you know, it's like they skipped a couple scenes, you know, and then the fact that they didn't, you know, he talked about this woman who's betrothed to, but they never showed her. So there was, that to me was like, there were some scenes like that, like, and they probably cut, but there were other things that they could cut this film. And there wasn't, she wasn't the only woman in the movie movie. There was that whole little straw women that were in the room. We're going to get to the straw women, it's so many comments. But, okay, the guys, do you think this movie would have been funnier? If Roger's owned us something here, like, if he would have showed up, if he kept telling the guy driving his slate, if he kept saying, don't speed, don't speed, and he shows up and he's like, I'm here to get him. And Chris Farley goes, I thought you would never show up and they already, like, know each other. And he's like, I told you I wouldn't let you die, I almost died. Like, they say, I think that would have been funnier, right? Yeah. Like, there's established history between these two, yeah, it doesn't make, you're right, it makes zero-sensities show, you're like, who are we watching here? Like, why does he want Chris Farley? Yeah. And I will say, my favorite scene of the whole movie, this is my favorite scene, is he's like, and he was teaching him how to read and he shows him the age, he's like, hey, we're just producing age. Oh, he did. Lovercase age. That's funny. To me, that was my favorite scene. I thought that was pretty funny because he, you knew, what was that he said, Raj? He goes, my teacher said I couldn't pay attention. Yeah. Yeah. Right. But that's the problem. You knew where that joke was going at the very beginning. Yeah. Like, you knew that joke was going to him freaking out. Just like you knew, you knew when he got down from that tree with the first egg, and he is stomaching around, he's like, oh, he's going to eat the egg. You know, you just knew that was coming, you know? Yeah, but the payoff was, you only need to share. Yeah. And that was, that was actually kind of funny, and he was like, okay, but another scene in this movie listeners that you, you saw coming a mile away was when, when Matthew Perry is squeezing through a binoculars looking at her take a bath, and then he's like, who'd you look at it? And you knew it was going to be guy he fonts a note, like, okay, you can just stay far away from me. And he's like, no, see, I think you would have been funnier had that never been addressed. And he just, every time Matthew Perry said something, Chris Farley go, okay, you know, like laugh because he knows he thinks he's, you know, gay, and he's not, and that would be a funny joke. They didn't let the joke hang. Yeah. I think like Roger said too, like, like they could have really wrote out the betrothed thing instead of having the French person showing up and doing that whole thing, which really was made no sense either, like you could have made it to where Perry was trying to escape his betrothed woman because he doesn't want to get married to her, but she's traced them all along the Pacific coast, like you could have played that huge. Yeah, that's fine to make sure he wasn't, you know, who that will be in your lane. You didn't need Hidalgo, right? Hidalgo was useless in this movie. Hidalgo was stupid. Like there was, I didn't even enjoy him on screen. Although that guy was pretty good in, did y'all ever see the movie, small soldiers? I think he was in that movie. That was a good movie, where the toys come to life. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That's a good movie. We could do that on movie torture one day. That could actually be in horror months. It is pretty scary if you're a kid, but, but back to Farley, it's almost just sad watching him in this movie. I mean, you know it's his last movie, right? You know it's the last thing he's going to do, although I did read he was in dirty work after this. They released it after this movie, but I think he filmed this one last. So this is it. I think I said this on Roger. I think I said this on Beverly Hills Ninja, and I'm going to say it here. I've told Minnesota Roger this, Kevin James only exists because Farley snorted too much cocaine and died in my opinion. Kevin James would not be in Adam Sandler's universe if Farley was alive right now. Let's think about what Farley would have been. Let's talk about real quick, what Farley would have been in with Adam Sandler since if he had lived. Let's think about that for a moment, but do you be far the grownups like you get Kevin James all that Chris Farley goes into that movie? Oh, he's definitely in grownups. He's definitely Paul Blartmalkop. I mean that that movie is suited for him the the one that ventures the Chuck and Larry whenever it was. Yeah. He's definitely in that one. What's that? Myth. Speaker. That would have been funny him. Chris Farley. You want my hutch or hitch? Yeah, hutch, hitch, hitch. Yeah. Yeah. He would have been good in that. Yeah. Um, pixels. Wasn't Kevin James in pixels without him, Sandler? Yeah. He would have been in pixels. Yeah. He would have probably, Roger, I know you love this movie. The movie we did our second ever episode. What's it called? Here comes the boom. Yeah. He would. He could have been in here. Comes the boom. Yeah. He would have been funnier. He's funnier than Kevin James. In my opinion. But Kevin James is great. Kevin James is good, but I think when you compare the two, right, Kevin James is just like a toned down version of Chris Farley. Like Chris Farley does what Kevin James does with like 30,000 times more energy. And a little bit more intelligence. Farley is all far, Farley's character is a student. Yeah. But wouldn't you have liked this scene Farley movie, Torture Dasses, Kevin James getting no respect? He is. I respect Kevin James. I think he's funny as Doug Heffernan. But I feel like with Farley, I think he was 27 years old and I would love to have seen Farley stretch his get off the cocaine and actually be an actor. I think he would have been. I think the thing about early Farley is he was very charming. He was the fat guy you wanted to be friends with. Not this movie. He was the fat guy you want to stay away from in this movie. Yeah. But, but, but Kevin James is kind of like the fat guy who is smarter than you. Yeah. Like, like Tommy Boy, right? Like you're rooting for Chris Farley character. You want him to succeed and to make it like you're on his side to that movie. Yeah. But in real life, Tommy Boy would be annoying. Like 100%. You would be everyone, everyone is David Spain in real life. I mean, Tommy Boy, Tommy Spain comes to love him. He does. I think he would have been in the bench warmers. I think he would have been the fat guy in the bench warmers. There's so many roles that we'll never see Farley in. And it's might be the last Farley movie we do on the show. He probably didn't do many more bad ones. We could do black sheep. We'll probably do black sheep eventually. Like, could Farley had been a tooth fairy too, Roger? No, no, no, no. Could Farley had been Chris Farley, health inspector? Okay. So, so let's, let's talk a little bit about, you know, they're out in wilderness and, you know, what's the worst camping expedition you've been for wilderness situation? Well, I went camping one weekend in the military. We went fishing and it was freezing and we bought all this bait in California and we ended up cooking the bait fish because there was nothing to eat because we were out in the wilderness and then a storm came through and the guys were like, man, you're sleeping in the middle of the tent and I was like, okay, so they all slept on the edge and they thought, you know, putting me in the middle is punishment, but honestly, putting me in the middle is the best because all the rain leaked in on them and I slept dry all night, right? Then I got up and I'm like, this has been a really crappy excursion. I had to take a massive dump. So I did it in the woods but had to tear my sleeve off to wipe with it. Okay, I know I just interrupted a great conversation, but my name is Brad and you may be listening to me or any of the other talent we have on this network at Hopecast. We want to thank you for listening but also we want you to like and subscribe to the show you're listening to. So when you're done listening, go on the iTunes or the Spotify and leave a great review if you like it and follow the show on Instagram and any other platform that it's on, I think we're on TikTok. So follow us on TikTok, but make sure you leave us a review. We love good reviews here at the Hopecast network. Well, I guess I'll let you get back to your show. Hey there, this is Movie Tortures, very own, produced security here to talk to you about generous coffee. Every sip is an adventure of flavor. When you choose our meticulously sourced beans, you're not just getting a cup of coffee, you're embarking on a tasty journey. Here's why our coffee stands out. It's very rich and robust. 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I think experience ever, it was me and my wife, and we went on a church family camp out. It was one night, and for whatever reason, they had to do this in July, and we would always tell them, "No, you got to go September/October." Now, I know you guys experience heat, but up here, humidity gets like 90%, it's miserable, it's terrible, and that night we camped. It was like 103 degrees outside, it was like 98% humidity. No one slept, we literally set up all night. It was just terrible. It was the worst experience ever in my life, and then there was a family there that started fighting and arguing with each other, so we listened to that all night long. It was just not a great experience. Well, I want to say this, Roger. When I hear about humidity up here in Minnesota, it is nothing like North Carolina humidity. Yeah. Hey, is that cold blood up here? It's miserable. That's a regular summer day for us in here. I have only broke a sweat one time up here, Jacob. I'm going to spend all day with Jacob Wednesday, and I guarantee you I don't sweat the whole day. You drenched. Wait, wait till negative 60, we will be talking. I'll change my body, my body. What about you, Roger? Have you had a bad camping trip? Well, there was a couple of experiences, but I guess I'll stick to the one. The Virginia bike trail, you know, where basically you start at the top of the, like you're up in the Blue Ridge mountain, it's like a, I don't see 10 mile track down the mountain or something like that. I didn't know, I didn't know that you were supposed to have been spent some of it up off of the seat because it's a very rocky ride. And let's just say, when I got back home after that camping trip, I'd take an ice bag or a certain region of my body that was severely sore and hurting, but I guess you were supposed to like, you know, do the whole, you know, press on the handles and take your butt in the air a little bit, you know, but, uh, yeah, no. Roger's been fully satting on the whole time, you know, crossing the balance of up and down that, that trail coming down. Yeah. You, you sat like a man who served a weekend prison. Is that what you're saying? And you know what? I even ridden the bike since. Wait, you wrote it. You gave up on bikes all because you know, I just haven't had the opportunity since. I wasn't a big bike rider anyway, but yeah, after that experience, uh, yeah, it's just not happened again. Now y'all know my feelings on bike riders. They annoyed me to, to no end. They're always like, behind you to the right, to the right, they get so angry at you when you're walking, like, Jake, I don't know if you've heard me pitch this, but my platform for running for president, for running for any office president, let's imagine running for president. My platform is I want to tax the bikers. I feel like if you bought a thousand, I'm talking performance bikes. I'm not talking these cruisers. You buy at Walmart, right? I'm talking the guys that put the tights on in the weird helmets, yeah, they go by performance bike. Let's say they buy a performance bike for a thousand dollars. They pay a hundred dollar tax and that is paid for them to have the privilege to ride on the roads here in Minnesota in North Carolina. They pay that tax. If we sold a million performance bikes a year, Jacob, times a hundred. That's a hundred million dollars that we put back into the school system and we encourage kids. We, we make the schools great by the bikers, but I'm telling you, they do not pay around these roads. And then they tell me behind you, we'll do the ride move. That's all over here. I'm like, these guys are such jerks. Sorry if you listen, you're a biker. Feel free on that. I'm full with that. I say we step it up one little chunk and they always say like, hey, we're, we, we own the road just as everybody else do. We get to go on the road. You start charging them tabs every year. They got to pay their tabs just like a license plate. I'm, I'm for that too, but I think a hundred bucks will cover them at least initially in then we, or, or I think too, you should be able to have a handball done in your, in your car. And if they come to throw off from the side of the road, then you should be able to shoot them until I get back and, you know, back to the right move. What if you hit them? Like, then you're, you're just like, Oh crap, I just hit them, man. But these guys have, they, they dare you to him. Yeah. They dare you. They want you to hit them. They're like, please hit me so I can sue you. It's like we have to be subservient to these bikers, and they're just out there roaming the roads and we're in a car we pay taxes on. I just went and got my license plates today in Minnesota. I paid a lot of money to drive my car on the roads. These bikers pay nothing, but they act like they own us and it's frustrating. Those are Brad. Would you get away from a car inspection if they ran? Yes. We don't do car inspections. Yeah. If they go up behind them without any attention, then lay on the horn. It's not to get them, you know, wiggle their own bike and freak out. We were crossing, we, my wife and I and Max were crossing the bridge in St. Paul. We're walking Thursday evenings and we're crossing over the Mississippi and the, these transportation biker riders, they, they work for the state, come riding by us and they're like behind you, behind you, but they were super nice. I got to give credit where credit is due. They said, Hey, we're just going to behind you. Sorry about that. And they went around us, but they're paid employees. It's the ones that are wearing these tight shirts that are, are, are not getting chafed. That are the ones that are killing me right now that vote for Brad and movie torture dad says they did do pop up camping when I was a baby and they did it with no air at Myrtle Beach Jacob where it was a hundred degrees and humidity's hot and then he says roads were not made for bikes and I agree with me torture. We've totally come across as a podcast that hates bike riders. I'm strong. Oh my gosh. Jacob, you and Roger could be my running mates in this campaign to, to win it, win back empty empty knee with my, um, my, uh, platform that I would run on. I think everybody wants to hit ages 65, they have to do a road test every year to get their license removed. Okay. This is funny. Um, MTD. This is hilarious. So we're on the phone. We're FaceTime and family last night. Kristin and I are talking and we're like, we're going to go get our license here. And MTD says, I'm getting Irish renewed. We can do it by million. And I said, at your age, they don't make you show up and he starts. He doesn't have to actually take a test at least. I'm not going to say his age. But he doesn't have to for five more years. So they will let anyone drive at that age. Now, MTD is, he is age is just an age to me. He is not that old. He, he does not look his age. He doesn't act as age. So there's that, but there's other people that are his age that I can't believe they drop. Roger. Okay. Let's do. If we, if we ran the cabinet for the White House, what roles do we have? If I'm president, because I'm, I'm fighting the, I'm fighting it. Who is my VP for movie torture? Is it Hannah? That's a good thing to think about. Let's, let's make the movie torture cabinet up. He said, I heard someone ran a car through Lowe's today. I told him he's going to be that guy that runs through a nail salon last night. I said, that would be the secretary of defense. You're my second, you're my secretary of defense. Okay. I could go with that. Yeah. Is he just like my assistant? He'd be pressed out, Jerry. No, he couldn't, he couldn't remember anything. You got it. That's perfect. That's perfect. Yeah. Cause when they're asking questions, he can say, you know, I'll just, I'll just have to, you know, table that to later to another discussion, you know, that would be his answer. I'll ask you questions or say, are you lying about this? He's like, no, I literally don't remember what was done. Okay. I could see that now. Hannah is, is, is first lady, is she my vice president? Do you think she's the vice president or is she the secretary of the state? All right. So let's, let's look at Jacob first. Let's, let's see where we take his, uh, Jonathan would be the, uh, secretary of agriculture and because I'm in the back of, um, yes, he is Jacob could be my secretary of transportation. Yeah. He's the Pete Buttigieg. Yeah. He would be the one leading the cars and guess I guess so. Who is my borders are? Is that Trent? Is that Blumhouse Trent? The borders are. Is he going down making sure? I don't know. He goes across. How many, how many of you like to be having your minor at a TV up and down the board? Yes. Blumhouse is my vice president. Yeah. He's got to be. What, what is M.T.D? What, what is he? Is he like, uh, what's M.T.D? Is he the, the retiring president, the Joe Biden? It's kidding. He said he's the flunky, not like the band arms in this country is the band bike. So we start common sitting here with his bikes and people are now buying bikes on the black market, hiding them. We send M.T.D. to collect bikes. He shows up. He's the bikes are. And as the borders are, Trent's the, uh, vice president, Jonathan is the director of agriculture. Yeah. Jacob's, Jacob's director of transportation, which is great for our platform because you're out there making sure there's no bikes on the road, and Roger, your secretary of defense, if anybody comes to fight us for the bikes, I should write, man, you're not letting them in. Three young fights man. And that's this is a rational vessel to us. I'm in the field and don't know who's part of us. If big swing comes knocking, we'll start pushing M.T.D. or you okay, uh, being the bike czar of, of our cabinet, that's what we want to know. Are you going to be, you can be a home land director. Oh, he could. He's making sure the bikes are secure. He said he could do that. Yeah. Which one of you guys are going to campaign for tampons in the boy's bathroom? Like our governor does. My dad called last week and he goes, moving towards your dad said, he said, your governor won't stamp on. He puts tampons in the, in the boy's bathroom. I said, he's not my governor. I mean, I'm not a resident here yet. My governor. Oh, he said I won't even let bikes in the countryside. Man, movie torture dad is own bike patrol. We are the government. We all are riding bikes because we can own the bikes. Just no one else can own the bikes. Oh, yeah. What we'll do is we'll out come out and do a press conference from the oval office, telling people they got to stay in and stay off the bikes, right? But then there'll be a picture of me riding my bike at in California traffic behind me. Now you're, you're a president. You can't. You ride them out. You'd be in a red shot. You'd be sitting in the back. You didn't, you didn't know somebody else. Like here's peddling me, Gary the press secretary, I actually has a rhyme, Gary the press secretary, he ran Hawaiian shirts and they go faster, he's like, oh, good, other cerebral palsy. You got to make this happen, Gary. It's a lot like the movie. We can make a TV show called movie torture dad, bike patrol, and he tells people that they got a hand over their bodies. He's like a repo. I guess we're taking from a bike and he goes and no, he went off the street and he throws it in the back of a garbage truck that just grinds in there. He's compacted. He's like, my dad gave me this before I got killed the war and when we torture dads, like I don't care. The bikes are off the road. Oh my gosh, I love thinking about maybe torture cabinets. All right. Wait, wait, one more. I'm just imagining Hannah on her four-wheeler, taking dumps in the four-wheeler. She's riding the border. She's having a ride home on the back, riding those borders. Movie torture dad. How many dumps did Hannah say she took on the bike that night? He remembers funny. He found out something funny about that. How many was that? As we shift gears back to this poop of a movie. Be way better than the movie, we watched it. Oh my gosh. If there was a TV show called movie torture dad, bike patrol, I would watch that. Yeah, she said she took several dumps, which dad said means at least two or more. All we missed the first lady. She will be back eventually. She's busy. Back to this movie. Yeah. Even three or more movie torture dad says three or more. Okay, where were we? They're fighting Lewis and Clark. They finally get there and Farley's like, "I'll go do it." And they let him. But then we're to believe he's reunited with another eagle egg, and then he gets hauled off by the eagle. Are we to believe an eagle could carry this large man over the ocean? I don't know if it's good to carry Chris Farley. Is he a crane? I think the crane would have tipped. I mean, he was huge. And then they drop him. This fall would have crushed every bone in his body. He would be a corpse at this point. And he comes out and the joke is, which is such a dumb joke, is there was an Indian trail. I don't even, it wasn't even funny. It was. It makes no sense because by the time they decide that he's going to do it and he goes to destroy this, when they've seen Lewis and Clark, there would be like three quarters down in the hill, but yet somehow still beat him through all of this nonsense that was called off. Yeah. Yeah. And then Lewis and Clark walk up and see them and they're like, "We beat you." And they just turn around. Like if it was me and if it was us three and bike patrol with us, I think we would have started fighting them. And they're like, "Nah, we're going to get out in history as the ones who found this, not you." I feel like there would have been a fight, an anchor man kind of fight. Yeah. Absolutely. So, yeah. Before we close, I'm going to throw a couple of interesting facts about the movie that with casting, they originally offered Mac and Perry's role to Hugh Grant and to Bill Murray and both rejected it, of course. Well, I think this movie would have been terrible with Bill Murray, by the way. Yes. That had not been funny. And then they talked of the right one of the writers stated that the script was intended to be more of an ensemble piece than a buddy comedy. He said, "Farlie's assistant stated that post-production cuts were made around the star and targeted peripheral characters. He felt the lost material would have helped Farlie's performance that cut the ensemble scene first, Matthew Perry's second, and never cutting in Chris's scenes. Okay. Not at this after he died, or was it done before he died?" I do not know that. Okay. So, going into this movie, let's imagine movie torture, movie producer guy, or all of you. You're thinking to yourself, "We have a goldmine right now because we are sitting on the final Chris Farlie movie." So they sent Perry out and he has to promote this garbage by himself without Farlie. He was probably asked a hundred questions a night about Chris Farlie. He probably got super annoying. And for this movie to bomb, it's crazy to me because this is our last chance to see Farlie. Had America quit Chris Farlie at this point? Were they like, "We're not even on the Chris Farlie train anymore?" Because weirdly enough, John Candy, who I love, I love John Candy. I feel like if we're going to talk fat man, John Candy is the best of all time. He could be drama. He could do it all. Roger, are you a candy fan? Yeah. Yeah. He could transition from a serious scene, like physical comedy, and then all of a sudden be that dad sitting down somewhere around his kids, you know, that kind of thing. So, Farlie's last movie was almost heroes about this ragtag bunch going west. Farlie's last movie was Wagon's East, another weird movie about the Wild West. It's weird these two fat guys went out on similar movies. I'd like to watch Wagon's East and see if it's better than this. I think Eugene Levy was in that movie with John Candy. I think he was in both, if I'm not mistaken. I'm a lot bigger than all of them. Was he? We should do Wagon's East for this podcast, by the way. Eugene Levy went in there, Richard Lewis. Oh, it was Richard Lewis. He just recently died. That's beautiful. Oh my gosh. Richard Lewis, if we move towards your dad, can affirm this, affirm this for us. If you're a Kirby enthusiast and fan, like maybe torture dad and I are, he looked like a corpse this season. He looked utterly horrible in this movie, in this TV show. He did, he said. He was terrible. Like, you felt sorry for me. Couldn't hardly move. His makeup looked like he was dead. And then he died after it was done filming. He looked horrible. So it was Richard Lewis and John Candy. Yeah. We should do Wagon's East because that movie is terrible and sad way for Candy to go out. It's just a bad movie to clock out on. Like, I would not want this to be my final movie if I'm Chris Farley. Tommy Boy would be a great movie to clock out on. Over Chris Farley because just the name Chris Farley should have brought people to the theater to see it regardless if it was good or bad and to only produce 6 million people are just like, don't care. But if this had David Spade, I think this movie would have been bigger. I really don't. Yeah. Because the fans would have come out. They would have got $20 million for this movie. Like they would have at least made $20 million on what is it called? Almost Heroes, which should have been called Heroes because they really didn't. My favorite character, one of my favorite characters was what's his name who kept getting shot and lost his leg. But that's a money Python joke, man. They just stole that straight from money Python. It was funny. We, Roger, before we closed, we got to talk about the straw girls. We haven't got to that yet. Movie torture dad, you got to hear this. Tell us a little bit about the straw girls. Well, where are they? They come to the small town and the guy is like, "Hey, I got all these ladies. You can come pick some and they open the door and there's just a bunch of straw mannequins dressed up and ladies close and they're excited." Well, one person, he's a little crazy guy to have a cigarette afterward and burn his place down. I mean, he rescues his straw girl and then they get back on the boat. To me, the better the movie was he goes and asks Matthew Perry, "Can I go check on my lady?" And Matthew Perry's like, "You do know she was made out of straw. Right?" And the body responds with, "Yes, sir, that's why I figure she burns so quickly." He didn't pretend like who he is, but that was the best thing for me in that movie. That was funny. The straw girls, because I'm watching it with Max and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, he's talking about prostitutes." And I was like, "I got some ladies for you, man, they are perfect." And then you go in there and it's just dolls and you're like, "Oh my God, this is weird, man. Super weird." This movie, man, is something else. That's the movie, man. They find the Pacific, Chris Farley, in Smiling on the Beach. Roger, are you getting reviews for this movie? Oh, yeah. Richard, the critical reception of the movie was generally negative. One website says, "Sorry, swans on for the talent of Chris Farley." On those heroes is a directionless comedy that doesn't even come close to triumph. Another guy said that this is a dreadful motion picture, a lowbrow example of a period piece comedy with terrible production values and an exceptionally poor, last joke ratio. There's kind of a desperation in the movie's approach to humor that reveals the filmmakers uncertainty about how entertaining the material is and the manic style portrays itself as the last ditch attempt to hide the flaws of a failed script. So that was young. It was pretty bad. Before I get to my Amazon 5 star reviews, where would producer Gary be in this movie? Do you know what I'm going to say? Please tell me you're going to say he's the guy with the straw, girlfriend. That's what I'm going to say. That's what I'm going to say. Were we all going to say that? That's producer Gary. That's why she burns so quickly. 4pg, give me your prayers, listeners. Or he would have been the guy who got taken away by the mayor and lost his ear. That guy that lost his ear and the other guy kept saying hello. He could hear you, he said he went there. Oh, PG. But here's some. You know how I feel about these guys. This movie is 26 years old and we've got guys writing Amazon verified reviews this year. It's so dumb to me. This movie Chris Miles writes January 17th this year. The movie is so freaking funny. I've never seen this movie before. It's my first time watching it. I question Chris Miles since a humor if he thinks this movie is that funny. A 17 wrote on November 29th of 2023, less than a year ago. Great movie. Chris Farley is excellent in this film as is Matthew Perry, R.I.P. both of them. I think they're like turds in this movie, honestly. It doesn't even. And Justin Tott wrote in September of 2023, hilarious every time. How can you not love Chris Farley? This movie literally gets me every time 100% recommend. I don't understand these guys man. These were all written in the last year by the way. I didn't even read old ones. I heard one comedian saying that Farley died over those after watching the production of the film. Do you think he even knew what the name of this movie was when he was done filming? I bet he didn't even know. Like he didn't know what he was doing man. He was just there reading lines and spending that six million on cocaine. He did not care. Like I'm telling you, they should have they should have back grilled this movie Jacob and just bought it out as a tax write off and never let the world see it. Because I mean this movie's we'll get there Roger Jacob movie torture movie goal set movie torture 100% yeah, it's nothing. Movie torture movie goal. I'll definitely torture. I'm glad this wasn't the second time I watched it. I've never seen it before. It was okay for me. I will say my son Max thought this move was hilarious, which makes me question his sense of humor because it's terrible or his parents Minnesota Roger next time you see Max asking about this movie this movie is movie torture. And I would say that this movie is probably in my top six worst movies we watched on here. This movie is dookie from start to finish. There's nothing about this movie that's redeemably good to me, nothing. If they change the actors, it might get better. But the acting was terrible this movie this whole movie's just garbage. It's I never want to watch this movie again. I would like to compare it to wagons east though. I would like to watch the John Candy movie to see which one went out on a better turt. This one or wagons east because this one if this was my swan song, I would be embarrassed. I really would this terrible is terrible, right. Charles, there's terrible, terrible, terrible is terrible. Movie torture dad didn't watch it, but please don't you're saving yourself. Just keep practicing your driving in five years when you get to take your job. We need to see we do need to see as we close, we do need to see movie torture dad as bike by patrol. Oh my gosh, just seeing him torture by crime. He's favorite like characters as he's taking their bikes to try to lose the paint. He's like a bike. He's just as bluey. Take a bite, you just take a bite, bluey, bluey, bluey, bluey, so mean, he said a good made up movie. We need to do a made up movie we will we will make this movie torture dad bike cop movie where he says bluey. Well, I could see I could see MPD driving it and Gary being in the passenger style, basically just chicken the mic riders off the right and that little golf court and Gary, you can his right leg knock on the bike over Gary comes up and knocks on the movie torture dad gets out and grabs it or maybe Gary can take a crutch and then just stick it in the wheel spokes as the guy he like makes the kid go head first over the handlebars. MPD has a hat on this says MTD produce a Gary says PG. Oh my gosh, I want to see this movie by the way. This is a classic. Oh my gosh, well, hey, for movie torture dad for Minnesota Roger for real Roger. My name is Brad, don't go watch almost heroes, but listen to every episode of movie torture and enjoy our month of to be timber. We will see you next on movie torture. [Music] (bell dings)
