[ Music ] >> BHH Productions presents KB Cabaret, an original variety show. With your host, Brie Harvey. [ Applause ] >> Hi folks, welcome to KB Cabaret. My name is Brie Harvey, head writer and producer of this show. KB Cabaret is a callibou of original skits, songs, poetry and short stories. What's callibou you ask magic from a child's creative imagination? I was five when I coined that word and it's been around my family ever since. The settings originate from my hometown, Parler City. And the stories originate from people who are-- >> Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. >> Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. >> Thank you Bonnie, that folks obviously was my lawyer. Story my friends, the Parler City players. Judy McMahon, Bonnie de Paris, Charles Berman, John Kerry, John Montgomery and myself, Brie Harvey. >> Welcome to our town, welcome to Parler City. When our friends come, how about you play? When neighbors don't leave, they stay and chat a while. Welcome to our time to KB Cabaret. >> This time on KB Cabaret, we bring you original comedy sketches and the music of our own producer, Brie Harvey. >> Welcome to our time to KB Cabaret. [ Music ] >> Mornings are a special time for me. My rituals are simple, a good cup of coffee, soft classical music and a little daily feature in our local newspaper called, Advice with Granny Atta. >> Dear Granny Atta, I am frustrated with my younger sister Connie. During our teen years, Connie used to be my best friend. We used to tell everything to each other. What we did on a Saturday night, how we felt about boys, advice on which side to part our hair, only two years apart made us close, close, close. Now, 30 years later, we couldn't be more distant and I never understood why. When Connie had her twins out of wedlock, I would help take care of them. I practically raised them in the first five years. For the most part, they were good boys. I told my sister this, but if they did not behave properly in my eyes, I reprimanded the boys and my sister. Although the boys tried to plea for their rights to the person with the easiest touch, their mother, I was firm and said their mother didn't know better. After five years, I decided they were old enough to know who their real father was. My sister pretended the man she married when they were a year old was their real dad, how foolish. Why not tell the truth? So, I told them after a nice lunch that their so-called Uncle Bob was their real dad. Well, for some reason after that incident, my sister saw less and less of me. Now the boys are getting married, a double wedding. First off, she shut me out of the wedding preparations, although I did manage to give her some constructive advice on her mother of the groom gown. Fuchsia, what was she thinking? She looked like a cow. And finally, she shut me out of the wedding. Either that or the invitation she sent me got lost, but I have my suspicions. I intend to go without an invitation and sit at the main table, even if I have to set a place for myself. What do you think, Granny Atta? I just want to see my boys get married. Loving auntie. Dear loving, how delightful. Giving out answers on questions that were never asked, and frankly, none of your business. You are a peach, a rotten one. I practically wanted to extradite you from my column, but I just need to get this off my chest. You need to get a life of your own, dear, because your sister and her son's lives are off limits. Don't you dare go to the boys' wedding. You weren't invited for good reason. You are a vicious medler who tries to spend her two cents when they're not wanted. Instead, spend your two cents on a good counselor. Maybe, just maybe, a professional can then knock some sense into you. Thank you for writing, honey. And have a nice day, Granny Atta. [MUSIC PLAYING] Yoo-hoo, anybody home? Right here, Bula, doing the show. Ladies and gentlemen, Parler City Chef extraordinaire, Bula de Champs. [CHEERING] Oh, oh, thank you, thank you very much. Brie, can I speak with you for just a moment? Oh, well, of course, Bula. They'd be a takeover and do that song and dance routine you've been dying to do. Oh, boy. Me, entertain you, let me make you smile, let me do a few tricks, some old, and then some new tricks. I'm very first sight. What is it, Bula? Is anything wrong? Well, that's just it. I don't know. You don't know what? If anything's wrong, oh, Brie, things between Leon and me are so strange lately. I noticed. I mean, I don't know which end is up. I divorced that man for infidelity, and yet I think I'm starting to get feelings for him again. I don't know what to say. He's being so nice to me, taking me out on lunches, paying for professional massages, getting all my stolen money back. Yes, well, there's that. Ah, I know, now he's planning an evening out on the lake. Out on the lake? Yes, he rented out a 42-foot motorboat and is preparing dinner as we speak. Oh, well, how nice. He's being the old Southern gentlemanly cooed he used to be. Oh, well. Whippin' up gold, cucumber soup, and V-tail tone may. I don't know what they are. Oh, they are delicious. Both soup and meat dishes served cold. I'll give you the recipes. OK. He's making some sort of a parfait as well. Wait a minute, isn't it tuna? Yes, it is. Brie, it's a creamy tuna sauce over meat with capers. Where was I? Parfait, I think. Yes, no. Don't you understand, Brie? He's up to something. Well, then don't go. But it sounds divine. Well, then go, but don't enjoy it. Oh, Brie, you're no help at all. Oh, Buehler, here you are. Tryin' all the time. You ain't nothin' but a hound dog. Tryin' all the time. I think your assistant needs some voice lessons. I know. Buehler, honey, taste this. Mm, mm, mm. Here, Brie, taste. Mm. Peaches and cream parfait for the girl with the peaches and cream complexion. See, I told you Leon is up to something. Let's get goin', my dear. Lady Lake is callin' our name. Well, um, have a good time. Oh, we will, Brie. We will. Bye, Brie. If you don't hear from me by tomorrow, call 911. Oh, he's such a card. Bye, Brie. ♪ Life is a cabaret old chum ♪ ♪ It's only a cabaret old chum ♪ ♪ And I love a cabaret ♪ Well, had you a little fun? Oh, yeah. Here's a towel, wipe off. I'm ready to record now. Okay, and three, two... And we're back. Buehler left me some wonderful recipes from her recipe app. We have a cold cucumber soup, beetel today, and peaches and cream mousse. Remember, you can find these in all of her other amazing recipes on Buehler's recipe bar. Found exclusively on the KB Cabaret app. Just go to KBcabaret.com. That's KBK, A-B-A-R-E-T.com and download yours today. (soft piano music) (soft piano music) Hi, this is Mr. Crank, and you know what's causing me heartache and misery this week? It's phone calls. Yeah, that's right, phone calls. Phone calls? How can you not like phone calls? They're part of life. Get real, Mr. Crank. Yeah, that's ridiculous. You can't hate all phone calls. Maybe mean those obnoxious telemarkers trying to sell you something you don't want or need and never ask for. No, those phone calls are easy enough to ignore or hang up on. Sometimes I like to blow an air horn into the phone and listen to them scream. After that, they can't hear anything for days and they deserve it. Right, so what's your problem with phone calls, Mr. Crank? You're not making sense. Oh, once again, my naive, gullible fans are doubting Mr. Crank's judgment. Have I ever let you down? Have I ever led you astray? No, the phone calls I'm talking about are the ones you have to take because you owe money to the person you're talking to. Who do you owe money to, Mr. Crank? Lone sharks, bookies, your ex-wife? Are those the ones you hate to talk to on the phone? Of course not. I can handle them with my charm and swab, gently, andly bearing. My trash cans are full of pleas for money from them. Well then, who are you talking about? I'm glad you asked. The phone calls I can't deal with are the ones with those bureaucrats from the utility companies and the insurance companies in the medical offices. Those are the people who never listen to anybody about anything. They read from the script and never deviate from it. They start off very polite, but just wait. Good morning, and to whom do I have the pleasure of speaking today? This is Mr. Crank, but I can assure you it won't be a pleasure for either one of us. And how can I be of assistance to you today, Mr. Crank? And there it is. Those are the last words you'll hear that come even close to resembling anything courteous. Once you tell them what you want, everything changes. I'm sorry, sir, it's against our policy to give refunds. I'm sorry, sir, your contract does not cover that procedure. I'm sorry, sir. Dr. Katari is out of the country and won't be able to see you for at least six months. You'll just have to let that growth on your dear year fester until then. When you hear one of those mutants start their spiel with, I'm sorry, sir, you know, two things. One, you're not gonna get what you want, and two, they're not sorry. - I'm sorry, sir. Our records show that we send the reimbursement check to your provider last month. You'll have to take it up with them. - I'm sorry, sir. Our crews will be working in your area for the next six weeks, and you will be subject to periodic outages of electricity, gas, and water. Also, they'll be making a lot of noise. I would suggest wearing earplugs. - I'm sorry, sir, but we can't reconnect your service until you bring your bill up to date, along with interest, and our 25% penalty fee. Cash only, of course. - So what do you do? Give them an excuse, tell them about your mother in the hospital, or your car in the shop, or your spouse in the county jail. Ha, they'll just turn to the next page in their manual and carry on. - I'm sorry, sir. Our 16-page grievance procedure, which you accepted online by pressing the "I accept" button, specifically prohibits us from feeling sympathy for any personal issues you might encounter as a result of poor life choices on your part. - Okay, how about if you demand to speak to their superior? Yeah, sure, they'll get a big laugh out of that. - I'm sorry, sir. The supervising customer service representative is out of the office, servicing customers who have real problems. Perhaps you'd like to wait in the queue in which you are now number 157. You should be able to call you back at about the same times that donkeys fly. - And now your frustration level is at the max, and you're ready to spit fiery nails. Nobody's gonna take advantage of you like that, and you're gonna let them know just how miserable their lives will be when they've pushed you too far. Oh, yeah? Well, I quit. You can cross me off your customer list because I want nothing to do with you anymore, and I'm gonna get right on Facebook and tell all my friends to avoid you at all costs. You'll be sorry you ever heard of me. - Oh, yes. I'm sorry about that, sir. I've been telling you that all day. - What? You're not gonna beg me to stay, or offer me reduced rates, or send me flowers? Hello? - Hey you guys, do you know this Mr. Crank Guy? He just quit, and I hung up on him. That was the highlight of my week. - Ha ha, I know that guy. Did he threaten to get on Facebook and tell everyone how terrible we are? - Oh yeah, and boy, are we sorry. (laughing) (gentle piano music) ♪ I've been going round in circles ♪ ♪ Back and forth in no direction ♪ - The beginning of this song that you just heard is called "Flicker of Light." It is the first full length song I had ever written. Came to me in an instant. I was swimming, there was light coming through the window, and the light was flickering on the wall. And I thought of the melody. My life was going round in circles, and the song just came to me naturally. I hope you understand what I was feeling when I wrote this, "Flicker of Light." (gentle piano music) ♪ I've been going round in circles ♪ ♪ Back and forth in no direction ♪ ♪ Up and down in all my memories ♪ ♪ There are times that I remember ♪ ♪ Going forth and finding my way ♪ ♪ What was there that I had long ago ♪ ♪ Why can't I just turn around ♪ ♪ There is my new journey ♪ ♪ When do I get my rewards ♪ ♪ When do I come home ♪ ♪ I've been going round in circles ♪ ♪ Back and forth in no direction ♪ ♪ Up and down in all my memories ♪ ♪ There are times that I remember ♪ ♪ Going forth and finding my way ♪ ♪ What was there that I had long ago ♪ ♪ Why can't I just turn around ♪ ♪ There is my new journey ♪ ♪ When do I get my rewards ♪ ♪ When do I come home ♪ (gentle piano music) ♪ Why can't I just turn around ♪ ♪ Where is my new journey ♪ ♪ When do I get my rewards ♪ ♪ When do I come home ♪ ♪ I've been going round in circles ♪ ♪ Back and forth in no direction ♪ ♪ Tell me when I find my way back home ♪ - Well Sandy, here we are. Getting nervous about taking me to your class reunion? - A little 10 years is a long time to be away from all the friends you grew up with. How about you Tom? Are you nervous? - A little. We haven't been dating that long. It'll be a bit awkward trying to get to know all your friends and hearing about all those crazy things you guys did growing up. - Don't worry, you'll be fine. Just relax. - How long do we plan on staying? - We'll stay until the end. - What time is that? According to the reunion flyer, it starts at 8 p.m. It ends at 8 10 p.m. Must be a typo. - No, that's the correct time. - 10 minutes? - Yeah, we won't need any more than that. - Really? Then this must certainly be a typo because here it says you had a graduating class of 350. - No, that sounds about right. - Oh, too bad only a few people are gonna show up. Your old classmates must really be busy or all moved away. - Our reunion committee said that all about five are going to be there. I know I was looking forward to see everyone. - I'm confused. - Don't be. Come on, let's get in there. We're two minutes late. - Right behind you. - Hi, everyone. - Happy birthday. - It's been 10 years already. - I see you. (indistinct chatter) (indistinct chatter) - Two bannies married, one of us should have snagged him. We were so boy crazy. (laughing) - I'd like to thank everyone for coming. We'll see you all in another 10 years. Okay. - Okay, bye. - See ya. - Love a 10 baby. (laughing) - Wow, I can't believe what just happened. - I know my friends are awesome. I didn't realize how much I missed them over the years. - But I mean, wow, all that talking. - Tell me about it. - Donna was always wanting to hog the conversation. - Yeah, I think I picked up on that. - Oh, that was so much fun. I can't wait until the next 10 year reunion. - I'm guessing the next one will be about 15 minutes long since you all have so much more to catch up on. - Probably. Hey, let's head over to meet my family. - How long will that take? - Just a minute or two. - Big family, huh? Can't wait. - This is so exciting. I can't wait to get together with the wedding planner. - This is something you'll never forget, darling. I wish my mother would have been with me when I made my plans. - I thought you got married in Vegas, mom. - I did, dear. Although I love your father, I regret not having a church wedding. - Yeah, that's too bad, mother Larby. - Hunt, the game starts in 25 minutes. Can't I just go? You and your mother can take care of their preliminary arrangements. - No, this is our day, darling, not mothers. You are part of our union. You do love me, don't you, baby? - Of course I love you, sugar, but the game! - Come on, cupcake. What's one silly baseball game compared to my, I'm sorry, our wedding? Pretend I'm not even here, kids. I'm just here for moral support. - Hello, welcome, welcome. Have a seat. So, who's the bride? - I am. - Oh, I wasn't sure. You two look just like sisters. So you, sir, must be the groom then. - Yeah. - Let's sit down, let's sit down. I have your names, Amanda and Albert. - Oh, no, no, that's not right. I'm not the bride to be. I am the mother, Amanda Shapiro. No, this is the bride, Jennifer Shapiro. - Oh, well, it says here. Oh, well, never mind, it's such an easy fix. I'll just white out Amanda, no offenses. (laughs) And just put in Jennifer. - Okay, now, Jennifer, what do you envision? - Well, I was thinking a destination wedding somewhere warm, like the beach, right, honey? - I thought we were gonna get married in town where all my family lives. - Yes, well, I was thinking about that love muffin, but then this is a one-time opportunity to bring my dream to life. - Don't look at me, pretend I'm just a fly on the wall. - So I was thinking maybe the Bahamas? - Oh, very nice, I'll ride in Baham. - Excuse me, dear, to go to the Bahamas, you'll need passports. Some people don't have passports like Uncle Roy, who had his taken away last year, remember? What about somewhere like San Diego? - Oh, San Diego sounds nice. What do you think, sweetie? - I think our local church and reception hall are just fine. - Honey pie, baby. - Okay, if that's what you really want. - Oh, baby, San Diego it is. - Lovely, destination San Diego. Now, do you wanna get married in a church or a hall? - Well, Albert's family wants a church wedding. Wouldn't this ceremony be lovely on a yacht? A yacht? Oh, mommy! - A yacht? No, no, my mom gets seasick on a yacht. - Oh, but sugar bear, it would be so beautiful under blue skies and clear water to get married on a yacht. - A hundred foot yacht called the Paradise of the Seas. Here are the brochures. They provide a mansion on a private island for the reception. - Oh, honey, this is our dream. Look at the pictures. - But my mother, the church, the priest. - You don't love me, Sugy-Wuggie? - Oh, I do, honeybee, but look, Albert. Give her some drama, mean, and she won't even notice the water. The priest couldn't be on board. Besides, people built churches. God created the seas. - Oh, please, my strawberry frosted cupcake. But, please, oh, okay. But one of you has to tell my mother. - Oh, I love you, sweetie. You're the best. - Oh, this is going to be so much fun. A yacht and an island mansion. Now, the yacht will take 49 people and the mansion will take a capacity of 300. - Well, that's fine 'cause we're discussing around 40 people, Max, right, baby doll? - Well, mommy, I have the list right here. Your family, Albert, is a total of 15, including you and your mother. Our family, 253, including Jennifer, her father, and myself. - What? - Honey, sweetie, baby. We have a large family. - We won't even fit the yacht. Well, only five of your family give or take. And about 35 of our family members need to be on the yacht, plus the five bridesmaids and five ushers. The rest of the party can be brought in by military helicopters. - Military. - Uncle Harry is a four-star general. - I give up. As long as I can wear my cowboy boots. - With the tux, I don't think so. But honey, sugar bear, we will discuss this later. - Cowboy boots. - Good, well, then it's all set. Shall we discuss the flowers? - Depression and addiction are subjects that many do not want to touch or ashamed they have. How sad. For both are treatable illnesses. The song I wrote called "Why Didn't You Say?" addresses just these topics. I dedicate this song to my darling cousin, who never admitted he was depressed, or had an addiction until it was too late. Again, "Why Didn't You Say?" (upbeat music) ♪ Hello my loved one, where are you now? ♪ ♪ I try to call you, you haven't been proud ♪ ♪ Miss you so much, you're making a sign ♪ ♪ Miss you my darling, you're making me mad ♪ ♪ And moments I feel you're right next to me ♪ ♪ There are moments I find you'll listen clearly and see ♪ ♪ Where I am my darling, I feel so full ♪ ♪ Why did you go and name your own home ♪ ♪ When did you feel you could go? ♪ ♪ A harsh marriage that you didn't see is ♪ ♪ Well, you'll go away for those who know why ♪ ♪ Didn't you say ♪ ♪ Hello my loved one, where are you now? ♪ ♪ I try to call you, you haven't been proud ♪ ♪ I miss you so much, you're making a sign ♪ ♪ Miss you my darling, you're making me mad ♪ ♪ You left us alone ♪ ♪ There was a clue that you showed it ♪ ♪ Now you're good, away for the right ♪ ♪ Didn't you say ♪ (gentle music) ♪ There are moments I feel you're right next to me ♪ ♪ The moments I find you're facing really I see ♪ ♪ Why are you my darling, I feel so full ♪ ♪ Why did you go and name your own home ♪ ♪ When did you feel you were gone? ♪ ♪ A harsh marriage that you didn't see is ♪ ♪ Now you're good, away from the world ♪ ♪ Didn't you say ♪ ♪ When did you feel you were gone? ♪ ♪ A harsh marriage that you didn't see is ♪ ♪ Now you're good, away from the world ♪ ♪ Now you're good, away from the world ♪ ♪ Why did you say ♪ ♪ Hello, I love the one where are you now ♪ (gentle music) - Hey, here we are, New York City, Times Square. Who would have thought a couple of guys like us would ever be here? - Yeah, Carrie, we're part of the upper crust now. We're metropolitan, cosmopolitan, and Neapolitan. - Neapolitan, you mean we're gonna get ice cream? - Yeah, we can get anything we want. Anytime of the day or night, this is the city that never sleeps, what should we do first? - Hey, you two, what are a couple of shop looking guys like you doing around here? - Us, you mean us? - Are you talking to us? Are you talking to us? (laughing) - I can tell you two guys have been around the block a few times. You're street wise, you're what's happening. - We are? - That's right, why don't you come over here and let me show you a great way to make some money? - Money? We could always use some more money. - Well then come on over, let's play a little game. - What game? - What game? - Hey, I love games. - It's a simple little cod game called Three Cod Monty. - Imani, they named a game after you, Three Cod Monty. - Hey, you ought to be pretty great at that game. - Sure, I know Three Cod Monty. After all, it's named after me. It's easy, you just have to follow the queen. - I'm very impressed by how sophisticated you guys are. You're right, you just have to follow the queen. - I have Three Cod's, the Jack of Spades, the Jack of Clubs and the Queen of Hearts. I'll put them face down on my little cardboard table here and shuffle them around a bit, then you tell me which one is the queen. - Gary, this is so easy. That's why they named the game after me, let's do it. - Let's practice one, see, here are the Three Cod's. There's the two black Jacks and here's the red queen. Now watch as I shuffle them on the table, here we go. Don't take your eyes off that queen. She's mighty slippery. Left and right and away she goes. Where she stops, nobody knows. - Wow, Monty, we're playing the big time game and the big time apple. - Okay, all done, now where's the queen? - Gary, the queen is in the middle. - Yeah, I saw two, she's in the middle. - Okay, I'll just flip the cod over and right you are, there's the queen right in the middle. - You guys are good. (laughing) - All right, this is so easy, Kerry. Come on, let's play for money now. - Are you sure you wanna practice again first? - No, this game is simple. Let's go for the big bucks. How much do you wanna bet? - Kerry, how much do you have left? - I have 50 bucks, just enough to get us a bus ride home. - Me too, that's 100 bucks between us. You bet you're 50 bucks and then I'll bet mine and we can both double our money. - Okay, I'll bet 50 bucks. - You got it, put your money on the table and off we go. - There you are. - Oh boy, money, this is the easiest money I ever made. - Here we go, left and right and away she goes where she stops, nobody knows. - Okay, where's the queen? - Kerry, she's in the middle again. - I saw two, yeah, she's in the middle. She's in the middle, just like the last time. Turn her over and give me my money. - Okay, I'll just flip over the middle card and... Oh no, that's the jack of clubs. The red queen is on the left this time, sorry fellas. Wanna play again? - Mommy, I thought you said the queen was in the middle. - Well, you thought she was in the middle too. - What do I do now, Mommy? I don't have enough money to buy a bus ticket home. - I don't know Kerry, another fine mess you gotness into. - Me, you're the one who said the queen was in the middle. - So did you. - Oh, you're an idiot. - Oh man, come on. - Gentlemen, gentlemen, no need for all this bickering. Allow me to offer a solution. Am I right in understanding that you only have $50 left and you need $100 for both of you to get home on the bus? - Right. - Well, I don't do this for just anyone, but since you seem like such intelligent, suave and debonair fellas, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. Have a look at these watches on my arm here. - Ooh. - Ah, ah, ah, nice. - Yes, these are $5,000 Rolex watches made of pure gold. They'll keep time perfectly for the next 200 years. How would you guys like to own a watch like that? - Well, sure, but we only have $50 left. Believe it or not, I'm running a sale today. I'll let you have one of these $5,000 Rolex watches for the one time only price of $50. That's right, just $50, but hurry, they're going fast. - What do you think, Monty? Should we buy the watch? If it's worth $5,000, we can take it to a pawn shop, hack it, and get all the money we need to get home, plus a nice profit to boot. - Yeah, that sounds like a good deal to me. Let's do it. Okay, here's our 50 bucks, and here's your watch. I hate to see it go, but you guys drive a hard bargain. Let me put it on your wrist for you, there you go. - Thanks, mister. We'll be back next week to play three card Monty again. After all, that game was named after me. - See you then, guys. - Wow, Monty, we sure took that guy for a ride. He probably never had to deal with two tough guys like us before. - That's for sure. - Well, come on, let's find a pawn shop. Hand me the watch. - Hmm, where'd it go? I thought that guy put it on my wrist, but it's not there. Hey, mister, now where'd he go? - The guy in the watch are both gone? - Yeah, and so's our Monty. - How did that happen? - I don't know, we better find that guy again, tell him we lost his watch. - Hope he doesn't get mad at us. - Well, maybe he'll let us play three card Monty again, and we can win our Monty back. - Yeah, that'll work. - After all, it named the game after me. - What a great old library. - I know, we're one of the few small towns that decided to preserve our old-fashioned library and not go with the new. - You're right, many towns I go visit have newly built libraries. They're nice, but I prefer the old-fashioned atmosphere. Mm, love that old-book smell. I look at that mezzanine, so rustic. - Yeah, rustic. This particular building was built in 1904. - Did you know that Carnegie donated 75 grand for the startup? - Really? How interesting, beautiful building. Oh, I'm glad you brought me here, Carl. - Now, what did you want to get out again? - Any book I'm marketing. I know how to make my product, I just don't know how to sell it. - Well, let's ask the librarian at the front information desk. I think it's back there. - I wish I didn't wear my heels. I'm making so much noise in this echoey all way. - Well, there is a man sitting at the information desk. - Isn't he cute? Looks like he's as old as the library. Wow. - Excuse me, sir. I'm looking for books I'm marketing. - Wallpaper hanging? Yes, that's in the 600 section. - Oh, no, sir. Marketing, seals. - Oh, marketing. Why didn't you say so? That's in the 300s. What are you selling? - Does it make a difference? - Does it make a difference? There's a world of difference in selling tools, for instance, and sewing patterns. - Oh, well, I'm marketing a softening product. - Softening products? Like fabric softeners? - No, more like, constipation. - Constipation, ha ha ha. - Sir, just tell us where the books are. We'll figure it out. - Oh, we can always go to the plumbing section. - Just point the books out to us, please. - Constipation is a hard category. - Sir. - I think my brain is clogged up. - Sir. - That section is always packed in and backed up to the rafters. - Just tell us where the marketing section is. - Sir, sir. I'm sorry, but I have to ask you to keep it down. This is a library. People are trying to read. - Shh. Brought to you by Ekmi Online Marketing. Nostalgia may look sweet, but high tech modern marketing sounds sweeter. I want to thank my good friend David Rice and his production studio basement audio for helping me with all of the song's arrangements you have heard today. His talent of instruments combined with technology goes unmatched. Thank you, Dave. The song that you are going to hear as a final selection is my rare input into politics. Well, really about social behavior through the guise of politics. Some may think I see people through rose-colored glasses. Who knows? I wish others sometimes would don those glasses. So I sigh. Appropriately, the song is called Hear Me, Sigh. Thank you again for listening to our show. Talk to you next week. (gentle music) ♪ We have our fears ♪ ♪ We cry our tears ♪ ♪ And we have spent years yelling our tears ♪ ♪ To the unknown ♪ ♪ We grow in love ♪ ♪ Slinging our love ♪ ♪ The spilling our blood ♪ ♪ Hear me, Sigh ♪ ♪ Hear me, Sigh ♪ ♪ Hear me, Sigh ♪ ♪ Hear me, Sigh ♪ ♪ For the world has gone by so have I ♪ We have our fears, we cry our tears, we have smaggy, easy, and good genes. To the unknown, we groan at once, thinking of us, meeting our blood. We be sad, hear me down, hear me cry, hear me down. The world has gone man so near by. There is nothing we were sad when we played the unknown. We blaze the land with the quiet of dawn, the different kinds of ones. To a great way, oh, oh, oh, oh, we really just only were nice. We have our fears, we fly our tears, we have smaggy, easy, and good genes. To the unknown, we groan at once, thinking of us, feeling of love. We be sad, hear me down. We be glad, hear me down. The world has come on man so near by. Say nothing. We blaze the land with the quiet of dawn, the different kinds of ones. To a great way, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, we really just only one wish. We have our fears, we fly our tears, we have smaggy, easy, and good genes. To the unknown, we groan at once, thinking of us, feeling of love. We be sad, hear me down. We be glad, hear me down. The world has come on man so near by. Hello, may I help you? Yeah, sure. Yeah, I guess I need assistance. I see you are looking at our wedding gowns. You see right. Are you the bride to be? You are looking at her. It's marvelous, well, and any of these seven adorable children going to be in the wedding? These brats? Yeah, well, maybe. Hey, get off your brother Fred and get your sister off the shelf. Oh dear, please come out of the display window. Yes, yes, oh, thank you. Come on over here, you's embarrassing me. Don't you learn nothing? Don't you hide your leash? Don't you hide your hair? Okay, there, now that's better. Let me and the lady speak a bit here. It's not every day your mama gets married. My daddy got himself killed in a drug deal. My daddy's uncle bruised her. Now you hush sissy, shush, both of ya. Oh, I like this one here. Oh, this pink wedding gown is a charm. Look at all the fancy ruffles. I'd look like a regular lady in this. Hey, does this here require a bra? 'Cause I don't wear 'em. I see that. Well, no, it should hold all that up. Good, good. I like it. Would you like to try it on? Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna try it on tomorrow. When the kids are dropped off and I get my dentures in. Lovely. I need another one too. Another one, what? Stop picking your brother's nose, sissy. That's gross. Take that snot and rub it on your jeans like I learned ya. Oh, yeah, here's a tissue. Oh, you're spoiling the ma'am. So you need another gown? Sure do. Have two ceremonies. I see. Yeah. Oh, this is nice and simple. That's our night gown section. How about this one? No. We probably would never go for that. Okay. Oh, this one would be lovely with your black eye. Oh, this ain't nothing. You should've seen them when I had last week. Oh, bad. Yeah. Leroy gave it to me. It was an accident. You see my sissy over there? Well, I'm marrying her baby daddy. Lovely. Yeah. It's quite romantic, as I found him. You see, I've been looking for him for years. Right after he knocked me out, he split, you know? It happens. Sure does. Anyhow, like I said, I've been looking for him for years and then one night I was watching TV and there he was. Oh, he's on TV. Is he a celebrity? Sure is. He was on America's Most Wanted, as sure as rain. Oh, I see. So, I need one for the jail ceremony and this pink one for when he gets out in six months. Now, let me unhook the kids and I'll come back tomorrow. We need half down. Sure. After my strip and gig tonight, I'll have the cash. You don't mind some ones, right? Uh, um, Fred, you come back here. That chandelier won't hold you, none. Just like his daddy. Bye. Hey, stop picking your brother's nose. Is there anything else we need? I think we're down shopping for the barbecue party. Besides, my feet are telling me it's time to stop shopping. They're killing me. Then let's check out. I may just get home in time for the game. You would think just from one Saturday afternoon you can survive without baseball. Right? Your time. Oh, look. This checkout line has no line. Nice gathering. Thank you. Hi. Class, it's okay. Sure. But I know what you're making. Really? Yes. We are having a barbecue tomorrow. Supposed to be a nice day tomorrow. Good rain now, around three o'clock. There's a 40% chance in the afternoon. Well, we'll deal with it if we have to. Yeah. Oh, say I love these. Hoffman has the best hot dogs. Did you ever have their white hocks? Uh, yes, they're good. These are different. Law sodium. 50% less sodium than regular Hoffman's German friends. 320 milligrams. See, that's good, isn't it? I wonder how much salt the white hocks have. We ate way too much salty food. My henry, for instance, I tell them I say henry. You eat way too much salt. You're gonna get a stroke one of these days from too much salt. Do you think he wasn't? Stop talking to her. We'll never get out of here. I'm not told. Now, these are good for you. Whole green bonds. The unbleed stuff is what's not good for you. But whole green. Mmm, but you gotta watch out for the corn syrup. Some of these bread slipped up in here. Let's see. Crying out loud. Nope. No, you're good. Just plain sugar. Better for you. I keep telling Henry a teaspoon of real sugar won't kill you, Henry. Who knows what's in those artificial sweeteners? I know. Say, could you hear it along? My husband wants to catch his game on TV. Oh, sure. Thank you. I appreciate it. I think it's any good. I never tried the Fuji apples. I see these go through all of them. I usually don't go for apples. Although, if they're baked, look out. That's a whole different ball game. Ball game. Is this for real? Here, why don't I hand these for you and you can scan them? Oh, that's nice of you. But I got this system. I streamline makes the skin and go faster. See? I just paste the barcodes this way and bammo. They go through like, oh, crazy Richard's chunky peanut butter! Man, I go nuts, really. Probably could eat through the whole jar. No, sorry, I'm just natural. Two for five bucks can't beat that. No, you can't. Well, for the love of Peter, I'm going. You can take a cab. Stop it. She's almost done. Okay, then. Coupons? Yes. No, coupons. No, coupons. So, that will bring the total to $68.68. Hey, you should play those numbers. Can't come up with a total like that twice. Here's Andre. Thank you. I'll just swipe the pen on this. Did you know what they put on these hundred dollar bills to make it harder to counterfeit? See? When you hold it up, there's the Liberty Bell hidden in the inkwell. And do you feel the raised pen on Ben's shoulder? Here, feel that. Cool, honey, feel that. Seriously? You never can be too careful. Who knows? Big brother, maybe. Watching. Can we just get our change? Sure, sure. You men are all the same. Just like my Henry. Always in a hurry to get to the game. Have a nice day. Help me while reading on your barbecue. Before we play my last song choice, I just want to thank you for listening to our show. We work long and hard every day to perform our original skits, the recipes that are real, by the way. And, of course, to our wonderful musicians who give a platform here on KB Cabaret. Without you, we would be voices in the wind. This song is dedicated to you, dear audience. Until next week, this is Bihavi. And the song is called "Finding Hope" again. [music] Sometimes I feel so lost. I can't see you. My heart has gone so numb. I can't feel you. My life without your presence is so useless to you. My worlds turn on its axis and I need you. There are times that I am lost. I can't talk to you. There are moments in my life that you guide me through. Your inspiration helps me lose the pain it brings. Your kindness gives me power to spread my wings. You're the one who guides my soul. You're the one who makes me whole. You're my love. You make my life worthwhile. Oh, won't you take my hand and help me take a stand to this. We hope once again. There are times I know you're there for I feel your heart. When I feel my face, I feel my blush and start. My life without your presence makes my soul so sad. You'll need me now, for I will come back. They say your love is bound, but some I know that now. I know that I can't hurt you, but I hurt somehow. Oh, let me say I love you, please, don't let me go. Let me say I'm sorry you just have to know. You're the one who guides my soul. You're the one who makes me whole. You're my love that makes my life worthwhile. Oh, won't you take my hand and help me take a stand to live. We hope once again. There are times I know you're there for I feel your heart. When I feel my face, I feel my blush and start. My life without your presence makes my soul so sad. You'll need me now, for I will come back. You're the one who guides my soul. You're the one who makes me whole. You're my love that makes my life worthwhile. Oh, won't you take my hand and help me take a stand to live. We hope once again. You're the one who guides my soul. You're the one who makes me whole. You're the one who makes my life worthwhile. Oh, won't you take my hand and help me take a stand to live. We hope once again. [music] Well, folks, that's all for today's show. I'd like to thank all of our guests for being on KB Cabaret. I am always awed with the amazing talent out there. Thank you to my hard-working crew, co-workers, and Actors John Kerry, John Montgomery, Actors Union Man, and Bonnie DeForest. My amazing sound engineer and actor, newlywed, Charles Berman, his assistant, Valentine Montfuega. My music engineer, David Reifs of Basement Studios, who makes me sound better than I am. And a special shout-out to Christina Del Nella, who plays one mean piano, and now works the musical theatre in New York City. Of course, a special thank you to you, dear KB Cabaret audience, for stopping by and listening to our show. We certainly couldn't do this without you. If any of you have a hankering to write or sing for our show, contact me, Re Harvey, who the show submission page. Let me see what you've got. Sponsors, you want your name heard by over 150,000 listening audience members all over the country, and as far as Australia? I love mates. Then KB Cabaret is the place to be. Just give me a shout-out on KB Cabaret.com. That's KBK, A-B-A-R-E-T.com. I'm Brie Harvey, head writer and producer of KB Cabaret. See you next week on the radio. Thank you for coming, coming to stay a while. Thank you for coming to spend some time in love to have you and share our policy. Come back again now to KB Cabaret.
