You’d remember going to prison
Wheelmen
The Twenty Seventh Episode
We're at Jordan's house during department smells good today cuz it smells like incense the public up is so Jordan take a look hello Yeah put on some nag champa you know I you know I feel like we're going through a incense phase you know we always use we always do incense at your house so I always have incense going at my house I just go on but I go on Amazon and get the um like those huge packs for like seven dollars do you ever run into a cent you don't like yeah I run into like brands where it's just like they don't burn I have like a complaint to like Amazon and they're like you're the one that bought 200 sticks of they're like these are hand rolled so like the person in Indonesia that's hand rolling it you want you want us to tell them that they're not doing it good enough it's definitely like a divorced aunt somewhere in like middle Pennsylvania who's making shit dude that I would be very surprised if when I'm getting 200 sticks of incense for seven dollars in free shipping on Amazon it's coming from the Orient well on it's coming from the package of not champa it says it's hand rolled somewhere over there and uh yeah so I don't know I don't trust that stuff you don't trust packaging no I don't any of that like products of the far east that like white people buy yeah like like all like the quads I hippie shit that people like right I would I would yeah most most organic things are not really organic no but you like like like incense and like some of like the crystal stuff or like um when you get like the different like herbs and burning things and this and that like I have a hard time believing that like it's coming from the country that is like listed on the packaging you know saying right I really don't think that like I mean honestly like it could be because like our trade deals are so bad in the economies and these places are so shitty that it's like maybe they are just making three cents per stick of incense right you know what I mean by the same time I really just feel like they're just being made by who knows man like it's all just Ohio because who's gonna do the investigation of figuring out I'm on the fucking case it did I'm on the scene so um we went to we went to Getty's Berg um this past weekend when's last have you ever been to be Getty's Berg mm-hmm I haven't been there since we I don't think I've been there since high school yeah it's been a while since I've been there I know the one to school up there though I regret not going as like a young adult yeah well you I mean it's always right there but I mean there's a lot of things right there I still don't go yeah but it was fun we were walking the door there a piece off it is well so we got there and it's like I was imagining like a huge battlefield that you could just walk around in and it is that but it's so big that they want you to like drive to different spots get out walk around a little bit come back to your car there's like 24 different driving spots to go to and so we only drove to one because if we had known that it was gonna be like that we would have done it differently but we are spoiled with the proximity to Antietam which is one of the best battlefield yeah yeah because you can walk it like just like the traversing it is very easy and it's pretty and it's big but it's not like daunting right yeah and we went to that one last year there's enough stuff to do I feel like what I remember from Gettysburg it was like you had to plan out your fucking trip to like yes hit all this like you couldn't just like be there like cool in it right right like at Antietam we were just I mean I haven't been there a while ago we usually just like post up and like smoke a joint and then like wander around yeah the sun would go down and we'd be like ghosts do well this one there's there's people everywhere but they were like they were shooting cannons off and shit it was fucking awesome that's cool they were literally shooting can't do it yeah it was like one of the memorials that was like I think it was the Pennsylvania Memorial and it's in the middle of the field and you look over and they're just like shooting cannons and there's like smoke coming out and it was pretty cool we didn't we it was too far away for us to like get to and like be there while it's happening but we saw it so I went to far away I went to college with the kid from Rhode Island in his entire family huge family by the way entire family on both sides were all die hard reenactors oh that's awesome and they would travel around the East Coast and do all the big fights and had all the shit and do they ever switch sides or do they do they play the same role every time I think it was like from what I gathered it was like when we do the Battle of Fort Sumter like we're part of this Italian yeah they had like set crews for for each battle or whatever but I remember him talking to me about how like they would go down and they would go camping and they would do like period accurate camping oh yeah in camping yeah which sounds pretty cool like being like a teenager that sounds miserable yeah I think it'd be cool though because you're with your brothers and sisters and all your aunts and uncles and cousins yeah parents and sure especially because the tents back then we're like like four sticks and then you just draped a fucking sheet over top I mean you could get like a kid I don't know if they're using like nicer canvas tents I don't know what that I don't know the materials they're doing they talk like that they do back in the day to just get in character I don't I don't really know I know that the character part the thing I know about that is he he got out of ever having to go back because you know like when you're a kid and your parents are like you have to go to church yeah and you're like I need to find a way to get out right it's kind of like when I started like giving hints to my mom that when she would make me go to church for like Christmas or Easter like with my grandparents mm-hmm I kind of let it slip but didn't say exactly where it's like I'm on weed and mushrooms every time yeah because it makes it fun right I would know so my buddy he he was what one of the battles or whatever and he got killed like in the beginning oh god and then you have to just lay there yeah for like hours and so he shit his pants he's shitting pissing what yeah I'd straight be like you know what I'm gonna get up and be like this I'm not gonna start acting like a zombie and people are gonna know what to do I'd also be the guy at the campsite that's like all right so some somebody's trying to ease somebody's trying to anyone have a can opener for my instant beef mesh no guys no somebody would try to like make some wars and I'd be like they didn't have some wars yet so but that shit away you would be like is anyone have any bad from my portable fan no I'm not cheese guys if anyone seen Bloomberg news today do you have cell phone service and you check my fantasy lead yeah I have my fantasy football draft one of my fancy football drafts last night oh nice I'm sad I didn't do one this year I mean you still have time oh if I if I would have known you want to do when you could have done one the ones I was in yeah what's the buy-in so I have one league it's a hundred dollar buy-in but we're doing twenty five dollars a week for the highest points okay plus like the actual you know like right play off thing at the end but every week someone's gonna get twenty five yes which is cool and then the other one I'm doing is like 50 buck buy-in or something nice um so do do do do yeah I guess is that long so there was a murder here in Frederick okay I saw you hit the group chat about this and I didn't want to look it up I know let's figure you were gonna wanna yeah so exactly was the last thing it was an night before so yesterday morning I heard the news when I got to work they were talking about it and it was this these people that just moved into the house and they it was it was uh I'm like a a wife and a husband and four kids Jesus Christ and the two adult the parents died they got shot and the kids were alive they're the one of them that the oldest was ten years old and he called he was the one they called the police but the shots were heard at 1 p.m. and nobody called the police I guess people thought like oh someone's doing something in their backyard or whatever but the was it in town or was it like outside the new market okay so like that's yeah that is a for people who don't know Maryland geography that is a place where it would not be weird to hear yeah kind of yeah yeah depending on like what part of new market you're in yeah out a little farther this is world this is in like a neighborhood so it's not like one of those back road situations so it is a little weird but not crazy out of the ordinary but yeah so that the the ten-year-old called it like 7 a.m. and so everyone was like the gunshots were heard at 1 a.m. okay did I say 1 p.m. yeah I'm stupid 1 a.m. in the morning and then 7 a.m. is when he called and so everyone thought it was just a like a murder suicide I had a kid do it well what I don't think so I don't think so but it turns out the new the child okay you're on record but today there's new news that came out they were both shot 42 times so what yeah 42 times and it was a clearly a rage killing so the police think that it was someone who knew them and targeted them like their child no I know possible it is possible I you know we don't know I don't know I've seen enough of that like show like kids that kill like yeah well we don't want to I don't I don't think the kids are our potential suspects they were someone's not doing their fucking job put me on the fucking case no there's trans apparently there's transcripts with the with the 911 call and like they were hiding because they were yeah well that fucking sucks I know those kids yeah hopefully hopefully the kids have family members that they can go live with yeah cuz that's that's like going to be I mean obviously loss of life are all but you're done like fucking four kids where the youngest is 10 or the oldest is 10 yeah then just like getting split up and like foster care and should imagine finding your parents at 10 years old like both shot that many times I mean you're on you're gonna be on I don't know what would be more scary like to find them or to like be dead asleep at midnight and then here 42 gunshots in a commotion and then running like under the bed or in the closet or whatever and then hiding for six hours yeah you know what I mean yeah and like not not trying as hard you can not to make any noise oh and then also kidding getting your younger siblings to shut the fuck up oh yeah that too yeah damn you know yeah trying to find your younger siblings could you just killed your parents yeah oh it's too soon bro I'm not I'm not saying anything that's no you're yeah yeah I don't know I don't know we'll see or we won't they might never find a story will develop oh I mean yeah a town like that a county like this they're gonna find a crime like that it'll be they'll figure it it'll be big deal news for a while you know especially if it's you know I had a full politics will get involved and I'm sure there's colorful theories as to who did it do you have you ever been like in close proximity to like a crazy murder situation like that yeah yeah you want to tell yours I have an I have another one - well kind of there was a um a guy like a family friend or whatever um and before I was born right the family friends dad this guy's dad murdered his wife and stepdaughter oh and then like I think called the cops on himself or something or just waited for the cops to show up type of thing he didn't just off himself no no no no he shot he shot his wife and he shot his like you know high school or college age stepdaughter and then spent the rest of his life in jail yeah I think you might be still I don't think he's still alive anymore but so he was just kind of like this figure that I knew of because it was like blah blah blah dad yeah you know I mean but he was just like oh yeah like blah blah blah dad murdered people and it's like in jail yeah and I remember when we had to do like the prison you guys did the prison tourist in high school right I don't remember it you would fucking remember yeah trip to fucking prison and like a scared straight situation I know but not really yeah it's just like we had to do that where we were like it's such a strange thing to do well we either went to we went to MCI or MCDC and MCTC and you like walk through like a cell block and people are kind of like yelling at you and then you go up into a room and they have like you know five or six dudes sitting at a table and then like some Baylifts and or you know corrections officers and shit and then it's just like the dudes would be like I'm in jail for life for being in a gang don't be in a gang kids yeah I mean I'm in jail for drunk driving don't drink and drive like that kind of shit um I don't think the only other person I think I'm sure as soon as like I'm on the drive home we're gonna think of more but I told you about like my karate my my brief karate career as a kid no my um my down the street neighbors were a family full of black belts in Taekwondo and I kind of questioned the validity of a martial arts system where you can be a black belt at like nine yeah you know what I mean yeah yeah that's a that's a that's a real concern yeah I don't you know these kids these aren't like child assassins you know yeah they're not like little ninjas but so they were all like a Taekwondo family and I thought it was cool and I would always hang out with them so like my parents signed me up for Taekwondo and I really liked it because the guy who was like the introductory instructor dude was like this is like a normal white guy and so he would you know like kick punch duck kick kick duck you know what I mean and then I like progressed like halfway through like the white belt introductory training thing and then the actual dude that ran the place came and he was like this huge buff like Korean guy uh-huh but he would like scream when he would do the instructions uh so instead of being like kick kick punch punch he'd be like yeah yes exactly he would just scream like hey like that kind of shit and it like freaked me out and I'm like yeah I was like I would have had to have been like seven yeah you know what I mean like six seven eight and so like I was just like there's too many things going on in my life right now I can't deal with this man these guys Kelly so on and then so a couple years later my dad and I were talking he was like oh do you remember blah blah blah like your old like karate instructor like the white guy I was like oh shit yeah that guy like what's up with him how's he doing and then he got fucking life for murdering his like toddler daughter what yeah he was like practicing his he like worried raged out and like coldly karate heard a death no yeah like actually yeah he like karate didn't punched him like through and what yeah he karate his daughter to death I'm not fucked up no I'm not that's fucked up dude it's really crazy that's crazy it's also just crazy I'm smiling because yes I'm smiling because it told me it in the most like oh hey it's like dad what it's such a fucked up yeah so so I used to live in like hellcrest and Frederick which is kind like like whatever neighborhood but um like there was a kind of a killer there like a serial killer guy and a lot and it turns out my one of my best friends is parents the cops showed up at their house one day was like hey can we like look in your backyard and they're like okay and they started digging their backyard and it turns out the guy was bearing his bodies in their backyard I swear to God I mean I believe you but that's fuck that's crazy right because like their backyard was a bunch of acres and like it hits that you know how like a backyard will like go down hell a little bit and it'll hit a bunch of like trees yeah but your your property still goes beyond those trees like he was there's I guess there's like a little dirt trail back there and I guess he was coming out into the like the trees areas and like bearing bodies there at night and they had no idea they just had no fun to know I don't think so I don't know I should ask them yeah ask him if there's yeah murder ghosts yeah but I wonder if the ghost would show up where you're buried or where you were murdered at I'd show up both I wouldn't let anyone get it I'll get out the hook I'm so busy as it is I hope that when I get murdered I can just be in I hope I have some free time when I do you honestly finally I get some peace yeah yeah and then the fucking the Beetlejuice ladies like no yeah yeah I go down there and scare people yeah I go down there like Baldwin yep when you don't know like how how fuck when that sucks so bad if like there was a hell but like the hell was just like you have to go to work and like you have like one hour of going home and that's it we're living the hell and we kind of are you know I mean that's basically like your pretty face is going to hell highly underrated show your pretty face is going to hell yeah Henry Zabrowski's Adult Swim show oh really is it good because usually his stuff like in real life is like shit it's a it's really funny but then like they basically wiped it from the Internet I don't know okay what happened with that interesting yeah oh so I have a scary story to tell you hold on Jordan's doing like a head feather thing no no no no no no no that was the are you afraid of the dark little theme anyway go ahead the main society I thought that I was going to jail last night oh yeah it was bad it wasn't bad but I was very I was okay like convinced that I was going to jail yeah for seeing ghosts no no no I thought I was gonna get a DUI oh shit but I wasn't like fucked up but I just thought I was gonna get a DUI okay so it's actually the second time it happened this weekend well so how can you get a DUI if you weren't messed up well because I had had alcohol during the earlier part of the day oh let me explain please no so I um I got off work yesterday and I went to the bar it was trivia night you know and I didn't drink a lot you know I had like I think two beers shit you know I mean like a bomber it's like nothing nothing psycho you know yeah a normal amount but not not like too much but a friend met me there and then so we walked up the street and we went to went to brewers ah and I had one beer at Brewers okay Ali art ah the one in Baltimore I didn't drive you didn't drive all the way down here I didn't walk from Terps to Frederick yeah no and so went to Brewers and had a beer that's a strange place for you basement oh the basement's cool yeah Mars are down there okay yeah yeah yeah the homies are down there that's like oh that's like one of the three after Terps okay you're right because the the basement area is basically the top areas like for those like fucking weird UB hipsters yeah the the top is like where you would like take your parents if they're in town yeah I'm pretty sure I have done that although I will say it's got a nice little I like the dim lighting and certain I use date night yeah in the backroom ah that was fun do you get getting getting fights oh never getting fights on date night that shit sucks I mean I'm sure we did but I can't think of any topic anyway sorry fine so I went to Brewers and had one beer and we were going to get food at the Manor which used to be the elephant okay it's good we were going to get food up there but we missed the kitchen closing and so we were like fuck it like let's just go to sugarvail we were like fuck it let's go to the mini market by the monument kind of like across from like yeah yeah yeah from across like across from doobies and we're like you're let's go there and just like get some fucking food and then we'll just eat at your apartment or whatever we'll hang out so we get to the mini market and there's all these people outside and all this gear and all this shit and we realized that they're like filming something but then I also realized that my buddy Tyler is the camera operator for it oh shit how's it part five huh what were they filming house of cards no no okay it's crazy how you just say thing no but then my buddy you met you met Tyler he was an altar with me yes yeah he did the he did that movie strawberry mansion or whatever okay like movie that went to theaters since like a big deal but so I was like I like saw him and was like what like I was like flicking him off and he was like at work and he kind of like weighed and I walked over and was like can we still go into the store like is it blocked off and there's people coming in and out mm-hmm so we go to the store and like the store owners are like pissed that they're outside filming oh because people like aren't coming in because they think that there's something happening you know I mean happy pissed so we like decided not to get any food because you don't really need to cook anything and so then we go to sugar veil and we got it's like a bar around the corner from doobies I thought it was the trailer park from China no no no no that's Sunnyvale and so we ended up getting like a bottle of sake and then took that home but then saw the camera crew at the park again we were gonna walk the dog the whole point is like I didn't have that much to drink because then it's like we walked a dog and we like hung out for a while and like at like I left and then and then I ate an edible and then my friend was like I'm fucking hammered I have to go to sleep okay and I was like all right like I'm not fucked up so like I'm gonna go home you know so I walk back to my car I walk from the monument back to the bar I got my car when I have a headlight and a tail light out and I've known about it for a while oh shit get that shit fixed bro well I mean I know but like I've just never got pulled over for it because it's like the city like no one gives a shit yeah you know I mean and so it's like I'll get to eventually and so like I wasn't fucked up but I had just eaten an edible and I was like I need to just like get home before the edible kicks in but I have like an hour so it's fine mr. policeman I'm not fucked up I swear well and so I fucking I'm driving home and I get to North Avenue and I cross over North Avenue and then I see two cop cars like pull out behind me and I was like oh fuck oh fuck and then one flips on his light real quick and like chirps on his light mm-hmm and he like passes this like other car or whatever so I'm like okay maybe they're not after me maybe it's fine and as soon as I said that like to myself then like the light turned on uh-huh and I was like fuck like mm-hmm I'm gonna get a DUI tonight like I'm going to get a DUI yeah because even though like I don't feel in time to go to jail I'm sure like since I've been you know I mean like slowly drinking all day not all day but you know yeah like I'm sure but I would not be surprised if my blood alcohol like my BAC was over 0.08 or at 0.08 and the other reason I was freaking out about that is because the friend that I was hanging out with has a DUI we were talking about this off Mike just like friends have DUIs yes and they got a DUI but they they literally blew a 0.08 oh damn that sucks yeah at least yeah they blew a 0.08 and they gave them it should be over we should change that a lot I don't know but so then now they're like soup like they won't even like smoke weed and drive or anything they're like super paranoid about driving which is a good can they get you on that you can know how do they figure that out I forget it's like if you're like visually visibly impaired they can snag you what I feel like there's like swabs that you can get I mean I'm sure that it's objective not subjects if you got popped for like driving while on weed like I'm sure you can lawyer out of that very quickly the problem is lawyers cost money like I'm not even afraid of like anything except oh yeah that's true it's fine but regardless so like you turned on his fucking lights I pull over by that park on like Green Mountain 22nd and I'm just sitting there like it's 115 in the morning I'm going to get a DUI they're gonna fucking tow my car like I don't know who I'm going to call because it's so late you know what I mean mm-hmm so I'm gonna have to fucking probably sit in jail until seven o'clock in the morning and then be late for like I'm like running through everything yeah it's stressful and I wasn't and I've never gotten into UI and like I wasn't scared because I had just come to terms with like rolled the dice and lost on this one man like at least I'm not actually impaired like I have definitely I'm not bragging it's bad but in the past I have driven like when I definitely shouldn't have well most of us have yes you know what I mean so it's like at least if if something happens tonight hopefully my BAC is close enough to 0.08 that like I can argue it down you know what I mean and like not lose my fucking job and all this kind of yeah right so they jump the two squad cars they jump out of their cars and one goes on one side one goes on the other and they got on the passenger side like rushes up kind of and looks in the front and in the back and it's like oh yeah this one's out to and then so the guy the other guy comes up to the to the driver side and he's like a younger like tattoo cop like a cool cop yeah and he's like hey man and I was like before he was like hey and like before you even said anything like I saw the other guy and I was like oh wait is something out up top to and he was like what and I was like you're pulling me over because of my tail light right and he was like no it's because of the headlight and I was like oh and I was like I don't know about the headlight I knew about the tail light but like these jettas are a pain in the ass to change the light on the fly and I just you know I mean just kind of trying to like yeah talk enough to like not getting start asking me questions like yeah but also that's a good like not trying to don't be too annoying annoy him or like sound fucked up and again I wasn't fucked up I was just terrified that this edible was when I'm like getting processed hey do you see the new alien movie just started dogging and so he was I mean like he was very nice to me you know and so he was like he's like look I'm just gonna give you a work order like a repair order you have 30 days and I was like all right and I was like can I ask you a question though and he was like does my breast bone I got all broken one let's go one to ten or would you fuck me am I fuckable why doesn't she love me no so I was like hey because this is this this also happened true story is I've gotten a work order before from like a tail light being out in the city and so when that happens it's like you have 30 days and you have to find either a cop you have to like find a cop and they have to write off on the ticket that you fixed your shit and then you have to send it into the MVA yeah or we can just go to the MVA to like where like the state trooper guys are yeah and they'll do it there and then process everything there right and so last time this happened I found a cop but it was just like a dude in a cop car so I think he was like you like you be police or hop yeah you know what I mean like I there's like 12 different types of top of cop cars in Baltimore City yeah like I literally can't keep track of who's a cop of what right because they just say police and then in little letters underneath it's like Amtrak right University of Baltimore Hopkins so long story short this cop fucking signed off on my work order and then I took it to the MVA and the cop of the MVA was like you forged this and I was like no I didn't and he was like this is not filled out correctly and I was like I don't know what to tell you man and he was like any cop would know how to fill this out and I was like well the cop that filled mine out didn't and I'm not lying to you about it and then he was like it seems like you forged this and I was like man if I why would I forge it I fixed the thing I could just fucking have come here and had you look at it you piece of shit yeah and then he ended up just filling out a new one and doing anyway anyway anyway so I talked to the cop last night and I was like I told him that basically and I was like I've gotten fucked over on I was like I found the cop or sorry I'm not trying to be an asshole a police officer and he just kind of like chugged like you're fine man and I was like who you know fucked up my paperwork and like I don't want to deal with that shit again and he was like really cool he was very nice to me and then he was like if everything's cool with the registration I'm just gonna give you a reporter and you're good to go yeah like all right cool so they go back to the squad car and I'm sitting there and I'm like listening to music and I'm like not trying to like be on my phone or like do anything that way you had your radio on yeah every time I've always had the radio like they tell me to put the radio down I had the music down low but I was still like I was still listening to fucking yeah my Jimmy you world CD dude yeah um bleed American never gets turned out even for you officer and so I sat there for a couple minutes and it got to the point where I was like oh man like did they find something that I don't know about or are they gonna come back with the fucking field sobriety shit or something like was he just like faking being nice to me and now I'm gonna get the test or whatever and then the other car like zoomed off and I was like hmm maybe you got lucky me some bigger is happening okay yeah and then the guy just came back over and was like alright man you're good like here's this and here's your shit and just read the instructions and you have 30 days and just get that shit fixed and you know get home safe that kind of thing and I was like thanks man I like fucking little fist bump yeah wait you fist bumped him no you did I did I fist bumped him did that could have that could have ended up bad because you I got a salt yeah you try to punch me no I mean he he was like young broke up we had that was my story nice I like it thanks we're done okay say bye Jordan bye bye patreon come hang on patreon everybody yeah coming up yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah [BLANK_AUDIO]