Today doesn’t always mean today
Wheelmen
The Twenty Sixth Episode
We're still at my house. This is a public episode, George. You can't say anything crazy. I never do. Hello. That is not true. Jordan, say hello. Hello. You need to give us some breathing room before you say hello, and then you say other stuff. Editor, editors, no. Why? Are you talking about saying anything now? Anyway, so what this thing happened to me today, my fucking wheel fell off my car in the middle of 70. On your work vehicle? No. No, no, no, no. My regular car, my wheel fell off while I was driving. On the way here? Well, on the way to my sister's house, who lives in Baltimore, so it was on the same direction. I was literally, you know, we're at 70 splits off to 95 and 695. We're not sick. No, I know we're 70 splits off to 695. Yeah. We're at the Towson and all that. Right in the middle lane, my wheel fell off. I didn't understand. I was in traffic, and I was driving along. Did you lie to me about traffic being bad because your wheel fell off? No. What are you talking about? It wasn't today, motherfucker. You said today. I didn't say today. You said something happened to me today. No. Did I? Yes. You said something happened to me today. Recently. My wheel fell off. I didn't mean today, whatever. Anyway. I said today. I didn't mean today, you fucking asshole. I don't know if I said today. I'll have to replay it or something. You did say today. This thing happened to me today, but in me today, today, today. This thing happened to me today, today, today, today, today. Anyway, I was stuck in traffic, and all of a sudden, I had the dogs with me because we were going back to my sister's house, and then all of a sudden, my car just was a bloke and like fell to one side, and I was like, oh, I know exactly what happened there, my fucking wheel fell off. Oh, there goes the wheel. And here's the thing, is like, I backed up, like traffic was already so bad, and then man, people were so fucking mad. I put my blinkers on, and people don't really understand that that means like. Because you're in the worst. I mean, I was in the worst spot. I was right in the middle. And it just, so what happened? I called AAA. You know, with the word, your lug nuts, not my lug nuts fell off. All of them? Jordan, this is an act of sabotage. Someone tried to murder you. Well, here's the thing. I think what happened was, I forgot my girlfriend's birthday, and as a result, she ended up. Now, what had happened was, I think, what happened was, Costco is the last person doing anything with my tires, and I think they just didn't tighten them enough. And I just, like, didn't even think about that as... Did you get them done that day? No, no, no. This has been going on for a, so this weird thing has been happening with... I don't think it would happen with my car when my tires are just popping off. No, no, no. But there was a crazy sound. It was like, you know, I was like, what the fuck is that? You know? And I thought there was something wrong with my bearing or whatever. So I knew something was going to happen if I didn't go into a shop, you know? But I didn't think it was just, my lug nuts were loose. If I were to know that, that would have saved me $300. You know what I mean? That's scary, dude. Dude, if I was going fast, I'd be dead. You'd be dead. My dog's... That is... That is one of my... I know the dog would survive. You would be dead. God would save the dogs. That is one of my fears with our job, is like... That shit had like an actual breaking or like... Yeah. Like, one of those things where you're just riding with all of a sudden, just boop. And then you're just done. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It was scary because luckily I was going like less than a mile per hour. But anyway, so that's what happened to me recently. My first car, the first car I ever had, was a Volvo 340, for whatever. That's the one that looks like a child's drawing of a car. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it was a hand-me-down car from my neighbor across the street. Oh, that's nice of him. Yeah. Well, I bought it. Very neighborly. I bought it for like... It had like 250,000 miles on it or something. And this guy had this car that all of his kids, and he had a shit ton of kids, they all learned how to drive in this car, right? It was like their first car. Yeah. And then when another kid would come up to bat for being like old enough to drive, then that kid would get the Volvo, and then the other kid would like get another car, whatever the fuck. Yeah. So this car we were just sitting outside their house for a while. The guy was like, you know, tight with my mother. We were talking, they were talking about car stuff, and then I had a job at the time working at a barbecue place, you know, like high school job, money. Woof. What? Woof barbecue? No. Woof. Yeah. Woof woof woof woof. Oh, did you work it? [imitates car sounds] barbecue? Barbecue? Barbecue? Barbecue? Barbecue? Barbecue? Barbecue? Barbecue? Oh, I almost got it. No, so I had that car, and it got inspections and all that stuff, and it passed, and you know what I mean? But the fuel injectors were fucked up. Yeah. In it. And as a result, the car would just stop. Yeah. Going? Mark Marin. It looks like Italian Mark Marin. Yeah. Mark, oh, man. Sorry. Yeah, but there's a ground TV that looks like Italian Mark Marin, and although that guy would probably never be caught dead in jeans. Yeah. He's a geothermal scientist, Jordan. So what was I saying? Oh, yeah. The fuel injectors were fucked up, so I would be like dry. If I wasn't going super fast, the car would just shut off and then, like, not turn back on for, like, maybe a couple minutes, maybe a lot of minutes, and it would always happen to be, like, rush hour traffic, like, bumper to bumper shit in Hagerstown. I'd be, like, driving around, and then my car would just shut off and wouldn't turn back on. That's scary. And it would... The people were real assholes. Oh, people hated me. Yeah. I hated myself, too. Yeah. It was wild. Like, I don't even know why. It's like, you can't help, but your fucking car breaks down. Who gives a fuck? I'm more, I'm more, like, lenient with that stuff now that I'm on the road for eight hours a day. Yeah. Because I just see it all the time, but I still do get mad when it's, like, someone like you, and they're like, yeah, my car just died in the on-ramp. Like, I am like, what are you doing? You fucking idiot. And then they're like, my car broke. You know what I mean? And you're like, oh, I feel bad now. There's one time I was trying to hook up with this girl in high school. I wonder what she's doing. I think she's got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. She got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. I think she got one. She got one. The most embarrassing time of my car just deciding to break down was like, I was trying to hang out with this girl for so long. And she was so reluctant to like hang out with me. And like somehow like she agreed to hang out and we like left school. We left high school and we were going to go like get ice cream or some bullshit. My fucking car broke down like three times on the wall. I bet. She was like, I didn't. I'm like, yeah, man, I have a car. I didn't sign up to be with this poor dude with no fucking. Yeah, dude. I have a car. It's pretty sick. And then it's just like I was one of the first people in like my group to have a car. Yes. And also like my grade. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because I like I got it ahead of time and shit. So like right when I got my driver's license, I like had this little fucking like literally would just like spit and fuck it. That was so fucking stupid when I got my first car because I here's the thing like I where you did you ever do this where you like just blasted music, you know, or windows down and just ride around thinking you're cool with like, no, I did not have the like aftermarket subwoofer crazy stereo system that me neither. Yeah. Like shake windows and stuff. I didn't do that. It's still because like, you know, at that time I was going through a phase where I was like trying to find all the underground music, you know, like I'm sure you were to it. You know, doing the stuff that you you chastised me for? Yeah. Yeah. But when do I chastise you? You always give me shit for being an elitist and having niche music taste and spending all the time. Yeah. But I mean, here's the thing. I wasn't stuck up about it. I just was like, I wasn't stuck up about it. I was just annoying in my car about it. Exactly. There's a difference. Oh, I used your little fucking blog to find most of my music growing. Yeah, I know. It's crazy how ungrateful you are. It's crazy how ungrateful the world is to my contribution to art and society. Yeah. By the way, you guys need to fix your links. They don't work anymore. Oh, those links have been- No, I know. Just joking. That's why I stopped doing it. Yeah. Because the links kept fucking up. Well, well, so I mean, I've, I know I've said this a million times. People don't know what we're talking about. Robbie had a blog. I was not the only- Carlo and I started a blog, our friend Carlo and I started a blog when we were in high school called Chug Life. And we used it as a way to have a centralized place- What? Get girlfriends. No. Well, no. No. No, I never got any, I never got any pussy from Chug Life. Which would have been crazy. That would be so weird. If anyone was like, Hey, you're on Chug Life, I'll suck your dick. I'll be like, this is- I like how my thing was like, get girlfriends and you're like, fuck bitches. I remember when I first started meeting girls with like scream, I was like, What? You were like, no, so we made a blog back before blogs were popular and more importantly back before like streaming music and like YouTube stuff was like really a thing. This is like 2007 or eight, probably closer to seven, but maybe eight. We started a blog because Carlo and I were both like really big, like, we would just- I would sit on all my computer from the time I got home from school until the time I got had to go to bed and I would have LimeWire up downloading music, SoulSeek downloading music. There was like- Yeah. I remember those days. There were invite only like blogs that I would go on and then there were a very small number of like DIY punk, screamo, hardcore, whatever blogs that were hosting stuff, right? It was still violently underground at the time. And Carlo and I got tired of individually sending tracks to people because like we had this like growing and what we consider to be impressive, like music, library and catalog. And so we started a blog and I, Carlo eventually stopped doing it because he wanted to do more like music journalism, esque posts, like, yeah, Carlos posts were always like very well written and they were like really long and he really wanted to like talk about the music. I was more concerned with like finding hard to find shit or like, yeah, good stuff, you know what I mean? And then just getting it out there. Right. Anyway, we did the blog for a while, Carlo eventually stopped. I maintained it all through college during college. I got into a lot of trouble with the fucking government because of that blog. And like like like the RIAA and all that stuff because I was violating so many, so many comics. And artists. That wasn't an interview. Sure. But I, um, I kept on getting pinged for like copyright infringement and like, you mean like, like Metallica. I mean, this was way after like Metallica tried to take down Napster, but it was, it was basically the same shit where they were like all of these like groups and like, I think the actual government at one point kind of was like, Hey, what are you doing, man? But like we would get letters. So lucky you didn't get like looking is it they, they fucked some of those dudes up. They fucked the first gen people up, but like they're, I don't know, like they would, they would like shut off the internet. Like at my fucking, yeah, where I was living and they would like send letters and they would shut off the internet. Like my parents house. And then when I was like living at the bell, when I was living at the bell founder internet got shut off twice for streaming stuff, but it wasn't me, but every time it would get shut off. There annoyed that it was. No, the, my roommates would be like, yo, what the fuck? Like, you have to stop and I would look at it because it would tell you what you would get hit for. Right. And it was like, I'm not trying to download Louis season one, man. Yeah. I'm downloading like, breezy shit, like encrypted off pirate bay. I'm not like googling download the Simpson season five. Right. Anyway, um, we had that blog. My blog was up for a really long time, blah, blah, blah, blah. I, a lot of people still are like, I found my music in high school, whatever. Um, I stopped doing it one mainly it was because bandcamp became a thing. Yeah. And so bands could host their own downloads. Because towards the end of me doing it, it would be like a band would come out with a record and they would email all the blogs and that was how you got the word out and then the blogs would independently host media fire, rapid fire, like these like zip file links. I sound like a hundred years old explaining this. Yeah. Nobody. I mean, no one knows. No one knows. Yeah. It used to be back in my day. It used to be you would, you would encrypt an album and then you would host it on like, um, on like a hosting sites, like media fire, rapid fire, rapid link, you know what I mean? Yeah. And then they would host the zip file and then you would give a link to that zip folder and you could download the zip file because it's infinitely faster than downloading it. Yeah. These are waves. Yeah. Um, and it used to be back in the day, anything you wanted, you could just Google like, yeah, Elliott Smith, XO dot zip, right, or media fire or rapid fire. Yeah. Yeah. You can find them. And that's everybody got caught. That's everybody got fucked. Yeah. But also nobody listens to music. Yeah. Don't listen to music. I actually shout out to my, uh, my friend Sammy. They just gave me one of like the little accounts on their Spotify and now I have Spotify premium. Oh, nice. Finally, which is great. It really is a game changer. He's all the time. Thank you, Sam. Love you. Um, I stopped doing that blog because, um, because media fire became a thing and people are not, excuse me, cause band can't became a thing and bands could host their own stuff. And also like underground music journalism, like DIY style, like blog style started to become a really popular thing when we were doing it. It was not popular. Yeah. And then it became super trendy and super popular. And then by that time I had no interest in it because it was like, okay, a million people are doing it. And more importantly, like, you know, at this point, like I moved back to Baltimore, I'm like on drugs, trying to not be on drugs. I like have a life now, you know what I mean? So I couldn't like keep up with it and I wasn't putting in any effort. Yeah. I was literally just being like, here's a band from Philly and I was like, post a link. Right. Right. You know what I mean? And then there's other people who would write fucking paragraphs and I was like, you know what? Y'all have it. I'm good. Right. All my fucking, my hosting, all my, um, my hosting sites would get fucking rated and taken down. Yeah. I didn't notice that. And so then it would be like, I'm not going to re-upload like a thousand fucking punk records. Right. That are just going to get taken down again. Right. Like I'm not doing that. So then that's, that's why we stop. That's why I stopped. I do. That's another thing that I really regret in my life because at the height of chug life being a thing, I was at that point, Carla wasn't really doing it anymore, but I was really what I thought was like principled and like DIY punk, like underground ethics. What I thought were, you know, the DIY ethics. We got offered money to like, saw ad space. Yeah. Like money money. We wouldn't be rich. But like it would be enough a college kid and you're making a couple of Hondo a month. Yeah. You know what I mean? Off of like a nice little extreme. It would have been something that I could have built built off of. But you know, at the time, I'm like, fuck that, like, um, do punk and corporate, you know what I mean? And now looking back, it's like that was fucking stupid. Yeah. And then they're like, we also like, no one ever approached us for like a buyout. But we had like soft one or two, like bigger, like online entities, like poking and prodding around the blog, like towards like the height of the end of it, you know what I mean? Kind of like seeing if if we would like switch over to other more legit, you know what I mean? Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. Stop doing our thing and then we would have like a music column at blah, blah, blah, like nothing crazy. It's not like the New York Times hit me up, but, you know, yeah, there were people who were like trying to find the next big thing and they're like, Hey, blogs or a thing. You guys been doing this for a while and I either wouldn't answer the email or I would just be so fucking high on air when, yeah, um, Hey, uh, Andrew, wait, wait, what is the thing? Is movie time? Yeah. Andrew, play the music. He's smiling from ear to ear. He loves this, he loves this so much. Did you watch long legs? Did you see it? Nope. Okay. Ask dude. I've been gone. All right. Since the last time I've seen you, I have been in the woods dressed up in any movies or anything since last time we hung out. Yeah. No. Oh God. Okay. Um, actually I re-watched Interstellar. Oh, okay. Wait, um, I love that movie, um, but I watched the, uh, Anthony Bourdain Roadrunner documentary, which is like the documentary on his life and that shit. It was good, man. It was a really good documentary, but I had, um, I had no idea that like, like exactly what happened, you know, because like people are always like, you know, Anthony and Bourdain, not why he'd kill himself. He has like the best fucking job ever, you know what I mean? And, uh, this documentary really helped to show you that, you know, he's fucking lonely. He's lonely. He's lonely. He was lonely as shit, you know. So he wrote kitchen comp was a kitchen confidential in his, um, in his forties and it blew up. And at that time he was with, uh, he had a wife who he was with for like 12 years. And right after that book, like he got signed up to do this. She was like a jujitsu or Muay Thai or something. As later. So this is the first wife who he was married to like in the very beginning. And he did, then he, they, he got signed on to do this travel cook show. And at first it was called Cook's tour, this is before this is pre like no reservations, you know, and, um, he's, he was gone like 250 days out of the year, you know, traveling all over the place. So it like destroyed his marriage, of course. And yeah, his first marriage, 12 years gone. So he keeps doing the show, he ends up meeting this girl, I think her name's Octavia or whatever. And, um, that's such a good second wife name though. Yeah. And she's the one who's like into jujitsu and she was really good. Got him into it. I haven't seen this documentary, but I will say God, like Octavia, the jujitsu woman is such like your ideal second wife, not to say that his first wife didn't really did seem like she was an ideal. But it's like, that's like, like such like a, like the trajectory of like, you get married young, then your shit pops off, but the cost of fame is your marriage and you're fucking miserable. And then you meet Octavia, the jujitsu woman, and you're like, fuck yeah, dude, I'm in my 40s. I know who I am now. And that's the thing. He's like really hyped about it because it seemed like they did really well when they were with each other. The problem is, is that problem from the first marriage is still happening because now it's no reservations. She was on episodes of never. Yeah, she was. I remember those episodes. Yeah. And they, they were. Those were the episodes I had mentioned earlier with like the kids smoking stuff. Oh yeah, yeah. And so that's the one he like had a kid with. He had a kid with her and he always imagined he would be a terrible dad. And he was, you know, when he was, again, when he was with her, when he was with them, he was great. It's just the fact that his job now is, it's like, it must be a, it must have been like a love-hate relationship for him because obviously he loves doing it and he loves like going around the world. Like he also, he mentions in the documentary that like, he just wants to be hanging out in the backyard with his kid. Yeah. And so it eventually, you know, I'm going through this really fast. Obviously this is years, you know, this is like 2010 through, you know, 2019. And so that kills his marriage. And at this point he gets really like a depressed and lonely because he's like, he's getting older and he's like, I'm going to die alone. And there's like, I'm not going to be able to make this work with him. How old was he when he masturbated himself to death? He didn't do that. I thought he choked jerked. He didn't choke jerk. He just choked. There was no, there was nothing about that. Yeah. Let me see the pictures. No. I, I really do. And I, I am being funny because like Anthony Bourdain, I'm a media figure and I'm asleep to my job. Um, no, I, I really do. I subscribe to a theory that is not my own, um, that a lot of the celebrities that are found hanging, it's probably autorotic asphyxiation. Not this one. I think so. But see, the, the thing, you know that like, the thing is like when you do autorotic asphyxiation, um, I've never done it because I never have a spotter. If you're going to, here's the thing. If you're going to choke yourself to the point of dying while you're masturbating, if you're going to do it, but don't, if you're going to do it, have a spotter, have someone there that makes sure you don't die. Yeah. But it's supposed to be the feeling is supposed to be akin to heroin. So that's why a lot of these like famous people in rock stars that hang themselves in air quotes, people on the internet, and I agree with some of them, like, it's like sober. It's like guys who get sober, but who used to do dope. And so it's like the, the only way that you can like recreate the feeling of being high on dope without doing dope again. So it's like, you know what I mean? So a lot of those like hard partying dudes back in the day who like clean up and then it's like bound hanging from a chair in his hotel room. It's like that guy was, yeah, with jerking off. Well, you know, he's, he's known to be like this guy that's really personable and like, like he would never like interrupt someone who's in the middle of like a heartfelt story. But towards the end there, he like was doing that because he, he, he, he, there was a, there was a cameraman that was with him for like 12 years. He was like kind of like a family member, you know, basically he fired him. He was going through all these weird things and he would always say he, he would say, I'm really happy now, you know, and obviously that's not a good sign when someone's like saying that kind of stuff and making all these weird changes, but he meets a girl and then, you know, he's really happy because he, he's like, okay, I'm going to make it work with this one. But then the tabloids come out and I'm saying this really fast, but they were together for a while. The tabloids come out and she was like, you know, it's, it's clear that she had been cheating on him and it's not long after that that he hung himself, masturbated himself to death. No, you hate, you hate me saying that. Well, I love Anthony Bourdain. I literally cried when he died. It was crazy. Yeah. So that, that's my, my movie review. So I'm going, I'm going tomorrow to see alien Romulus. So you have two weeks to see alien Romulus. Okay. All right. We're long legs, whichever one, you know, yeah, oh yeah, I'm, I'm just trying to think time wise stuff, but I should be able to do that. I, um, I also like, just like for fun, like put on West Wing again. And that shit is so funny. It's, it's interesting to go back and see like what was like the thing back then. And the opening episode opens up with like the, the big thing happening is that the, like there's Cuban people on boats coming to the shore, like that's, that was the crazy thing happening. I remember the, what was it? Was it, was it Julian, Julian Gonzalez? Was that the? Oh yeah. Jay. Jay. Is it Gillian or Julian? Was it Julian Gonzalez? Yeah. It's, it's like super pro Cuba now. The kid, like who was extracted from that closet or whatever. Yeah. That fucking crazy picture. Yeah. Do you watch any of the Olympics? That was gone for like all that shit. Um, I watched some of it just, yeah, my dad was there. So yeah, how was that? It was just me like looking for my dad. I don't know. How'd you, how's your father told you like that it was cool? Yeah. He loved. He had a great time. Yeah. He had a great time. He got to go to the Louvre and see the Mona Lisa. I want to go there on acid so bad. Yeah. And then, um, yeah, he, he watched basketball, table tennis, track, trying to think of all the ones he, oh, volleyball, he was really in the ball. How much did it cost to get into that? That's a good question. I don't know. They heard it was expensive. Oh, I'm sure. But then I heard that it wasn't as expensive as you'd say. Did you know that so usually security at all Olympics is over a billion dollars for this, but at this time the French, the France got a bunch of shit because they actually lowered their security budget down to like $250 million from like where it usually is. It's interesting. Like, especially France, like there's a lot of like, you know, attacks and stuff probably that happened in France. And it's just interesting that they made that voice on Don's comment or something like the fucking local bus. My dad said that there were a bunch of people there with like AKs and shit. Oh, yeah. I mean, there's definitely going to. I mean, also you have to understand that there's only so much you could do. Well, the ecological impact, like the socioeconomic impact as well of hosting Olympics is like the worst thing that can happen to your country. Yeah. And so like they don't need to have the added security of like tearing down a flovella in Brazil and like putting it in like essentially like public housing and like the slums to make a arena. You know what I mean? Yeah. They're not really building shit. They already have it. Yeah. They're not really displacing like the poor people. That's true. They're kind of already there. That's true. I didn't look at that. That is actually a really good point. No. I wonder if L.A. will be the same because L.A. has all that shit. Well, like the no Olympics movement is a huge you know, like the anti Olympic people. I don't know. I understand the no, no Olympic stuff for like what you were saying for like Brazil and shit. Like if you're going the Olympics are going to a spot that where like like we just talked about has had a, you know, like place like France it already has all that stuff. I don't see the problem with it. We can get into that right now on the Patreon if you want to hear my in-depth working class based analysis on why the Olympics kind of suck. You can do that on Patreon but I telling you right now I'm just going to not talk about the Olympics when you get to Patreon so like you have a choice. Goodbye. I refuse. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] Andrew Police! Good to play bad! [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music]