First Baptist Church in Amboy,IL Podcast
Raising A Rebel
They have the handout or you're not going to get them. And I wanted you to get them down, write them down, encourage folks to jot down notes during the message. I know a lot of people just never do that. No matter how many times I say it and that will be a great help to you and you learn to do that. And if nothing else, I've wrote the entire points down. I just didn't put the scripture next to him. I want you to at least get the scripture that goes along with each point this evening. But I do want to start by looking in second Samuel. And I went aside from what I wanted to share tonight because God just laid this on my heart as soon as we did our reading actually last week for this week in second Samuel. And as we look at Absalom David's son and his rebellion. And I want you to look to start with, to go back a little bit, to lay the foundation in second Samuel chapter number 12. Second Samuel chapter number 12. And look at a passage of scripture here. You remember this from last week's study in second Samuel. Second Samuel chapter number 12 and verse number nine through 12. Wherefore hasst thou and of course this is after David's sin with Bathsheba and his confession of sin and made it right with God. And then Nathan the prophet says, wherefore hasst thou despised the commandment of the Lord to do evil in his sight. Thou hast killed Uriah the Hittite with a sword and has taken his wife to be thy wife and has slain him with the sword, the children of Ammon. Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house. Because thou hast despised me and has taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife. Thus saith the Lord behold I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house. And I will take thy wives before thine eyes and give them unto thy neighbor. And he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of the sun. For thou dintest it secretly but I will do this thing before all Israel and before the sun. Of course we're gonna look at some of the results of David's sin that he committed in this section of scripture in our reading this week. And I enjoyed Gary Sunday school lesson this morning and a couple things I wanted to share but I just say this like the emphasis that even though David repented he still had to live through the consequences of that sin. And that is so true in our lives today. And we need to remember that our children inherit our sin nature. The places that we fall our children are gonna struggle in those areas. And that's just a principle. And of course we all inherit our sin nature from Adam passed down from one generation but just as our personalities reflect our parents, our direct lineage, so also our lifestyles and so many things. Of course that doesn't condemn us to have to live a certain way because thanks, thank God for his grace. Amen, that enables us to get victory over those things. But we're gonna look at some things tonight concerning raising a rebel. And I think I don't intend to but I want you to listen very carefully because if you don't listen carefully I might be your worst enemy by the time we're done tonight. And I might offend everybody. There's an equal opportunity offending thing but I'm looking at myself and some things. I wanna share some things with you tonight. Let's go to the Lord in prayer. Father, we do thank you for your goodness to us. Thank you for the hope that's ours in Christ. And God, I pray that you would help us to realize the importance of reaching the next generation. Thank you for those that are involved in the Sunday school and the bus ministry and reaching out to young people in our community and making a difference there. And Lord, that's the hope of tomorrow. That's the hope of our nation and God, we need to be doing so much more in that area. I pray that you would stir our hearts to be in tune with you and to know your heart this evening. Bless now in Jesus' name, amen. And we'll say this before we even get started. One of my greatest concerns, a God saved me while I was 19 years old. I met my wife shortly after I got saved. Of course, she wasn't my wife when I met her. But funny how that works, isn't it? And some people, sorry, Mary, before they met their wife, I don't know. But my greatest concern and really all of my Christian life has been my children. And I don't preach a lot on it, I know. But, and I would never consider myself a great father, a great husband, in fact, I really don't consider myself a great Christian. But I'm thankful for what God has done in my life and how he's used this fool is really. But I have seen this at the so-called experts abound. Whether experts in psychology, but not very much biblical teaching. When it comes to training children, I've given myself to a lot of things and to be quite honest with you, I was to compare the scripture with what a lot of folks say, I'm not too impressed by it. And I sometimes, you know, I love being in a small church. I, the only other churches I've ever been a member of were larger churches. And in a larger church, you'd have a Sunday school class devoted to young parents. And they would talk a lot about training children. We don't have that in a small church. And I want you to understand what I'm sharing tonight is good for everybody, not just. And it's sad that we think that way, well, the young parents need to hear this, but I tell you grandma and grandpa's need to hear this the most. And that's where I put myself in this category. And, but I've listened to a lot of messages concerning family, I've gone to a number of conferences, read a number of books, and now, of course, there's podcasts. You know, say when it comes to podcasts, there's probably more garbage than there is good stuff out there. When it comes to the Bible, you'd be better off to spend a whole lot more time in the Bible. How many of you, just out of curiosity, how many of you, I should just ask for men, but I'm just gonna ask for everybody, how many of you have read at least one book on child training? Let me see your hand. Not just the Bible, okay. And well, that's something somebody will ask me number of times. I'm impressed by that. I'm thankful for that. And some of us are not readers by nature. We had to teach ourselves to read after we got saved and we saw the value of it. And I will say, and it's come up a couple of times recently, the by far, the best book, outside of the Bible that I found on child training, I came across it when we were, I think of Mabin before we were even married, in a class that I was taking in the, actually my wife took the class and I audited the class. This was a textbook. It's called What the Bible Says About Child Training. And I've given that to a number of people and by Richard Fugate, and it's not somebody that you're probably familiar while you might be familiar with him, agreed. I'm a little bit disappointed in the newer version of it because they changed the Bible version that they use and they quote from throughout the book, but still it is a tremendous book. And I've taught through it in Sunday school, once or twice in the past, and that is still by far. And the best thing about it, men for the most part aren't readers like women are. And this is a book that's easy for men to read. I mean, it's to the point, this is what you do, this is what you need to work on, and it's well worth the time to read and study it. But of course, nothing can replace the Bible and nothing can replace a dad that has a humble walk with God and a real walk with God. Now, I want to talk to you tonight and I kept thinking of this when I was reading this story in our text this week about Absalom. And I just keep thinking, oh, I need to preach a message on raising a rebel. And I started making a list of things as I read through it a number of times of all the things that I see that are so common in our lives today. And I just want to point some of them out to you. I started out with, I think I had well over 30, and I narrowed it down to what I say. We have 15 points tonight, 14 that we're going to cover. And we'll try to go through them very quickly. I'll just show you the verse where I get this, but I want you to understand this. And I wrote this on your paper. I do not intend to be critical of David or claim to be an expert. I see in David great godliness and great failure. By the way, I see that in every one of us. I see that in myself. I see in David myself. And if we don't see that in ourself, we need to look at the Word of God and let God that show us what's in our heart. And I'm convicted of my own failures as a parent and desire to help you avoid the same failures in your life or to help others in that area. This lesson is for everyone. I put this in the bulletin this morning. I think it's still word of the same. Between the ages of three and 13. A lot of young people say, well, this doesn't apply to me. Oh, it does more than you will realize. And well, I'm a grandparent, a great grandparent. This doesn't apply to me. Oh, it does more than you will realize. Some of our greatest enemies in child training are our culture, our peers, our family, our selves, the experts, our school system, the entertainment industry, and all of it, there's not much there that's going to be a help to you. And what we need more than anything are godly parents and grandparents. You know, it's sad that I hear Christians say this as much as lost people when it comes to grandparenting. Ever since I've been a grandparent, folks say this all the time. Oh, the best thing about grandkids is you can spoil them and send them home. That is the absolute worst mentality for grandkids. What you need to do is be a godly influence on your grandchildren and a help to them. And not that you need the child training years for your children are done. Now they just need a spiritual mentor and they influence on them. And many children around us are what I call spiritual orphans. They need a godly example to follow. One of the blessings that has been a part of my life and my ministry that a lot of folks here don't see, I just enjoyed being a grandpa to everybody in town. Now they don't call me grandpa, but I go to different events that I purposely go to, different events just to visit with people. I went to three ball games this week, not to watch a ball game, but to visit with folks that are there. And I just wander around and talk to people and the whole time I'm talking kids are coming by, "Hi Pastor Fritz, Pastor Fritz!" And I just wanna be a spiritual influence on them. That's the goal in my entire life and that ought to be. But the truth is sometimes we get so focused on our children, we forget there's a whole world of kids out there that need somebody to be a difference in their life. And I encourage you to look and love beyond your flesh and blood. And that's a big obstacle to a lot of people. It's been a little easier for us because our grandchildren are so far away. We can't shower them with all the things that a lot of grandparents do. I'm gonna be the best, the influence spiritually to young people around me here in church and in the community. And I wanna say this, that when we look at raising a rebel, we need to understand that not every rebel is gonna set out to murder their parents. You understand that, right? Like Absalom and David. Some will express their character and laziness and slothfulness and manipulating others and making excuses, their immorality, their stubbornness and on and on we could go. Many, and there's one right now. No, I'm just kidding. Many will outwardly conform. I'm talking about many rebels. They will outwardly conform and perform very well. But inward, and we don't learn to look inwardly, they'll, they're gonna be empty and void of God the character and discipline. They're just as much of a rebel as Absalom was. Though in our eyes, they might look as good kids. They've got their act together. Now, I put a definition of what a rebel is on your paper there, in that box. You see it there? Read it with me. A rebel is one who does what they desire and when they feel like it. There's a good definition of a rebel. Say it again with me. A rebel is one who does what they desire and when they feel like it. They got the trash. Well, later. Then you did it, well, not right now. There's sure signs of a rebel right there. Now, the reality is foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. It's just a part of them. But the rod of corrections, what drives it far from them in Proverbs 22, 15. The rod of reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself, bringeth his mother to shame. We live in a world today that raises children, but the idea of training children is foreign to most people. A wise parent and grandparent will make it a priority to provoke not your children to wrath, but to bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord, the Ephesians, chapter five. Now, one of the biggest problems we have is adults. Our parents need to be the adults in the room. The biggest struggle that I see in most homes when it comes to children, the children act more like children than the children do. They're the ones that get upset. They're the ones that throw little tantrums. They're the ones that get their little apple cart upset and get all bent out of shape out of sometimes the most ridiculous silly things. Now, I just wanna make some observations from the tragedy of Absalom in his life. And keep in mind that David lived and mentioned this Wednesday night, David lived in a different culture, a different dispensation, or a meme by that, he did not have a Bible that we have today. He did not have the permanent indwelling of the Holy Spirit like you and I have today. He lived in the Old Testament economy, not the New Testament economy. He wouldn't say any different than we are. He was saved by trusting the Messiah to come and we're saved by looking back at the Messiah of Jesus Christ for our salvation. And the family environment, the structure is far different that we can even imagine. You'll notice some things and we pointed out a couple of those things on Wednesday night this week. But there are some principles that are, that transcend every culture and every time. And that's what I wanna focus on. And if we just take a time and then go through all of them, but I wanna point some of them out to you here, that we need to understand that are easy to overlook and easy to say, well, that's just the way. And by the way, most of us learn to be parents from who? Our parents, most young people today don't have a mom and dad in the home, or at least a biological mom and dad. And step mom, step dad, step brothers and all that. And what are they learning? Well, when a marriage doesn't work out, you just break it off and find somebody else. And we've learned, and I'm grateful that I grew up with an old-fashioned dad that was a veteran of World War II and a child during the Depression knew what it was to do without. I didn't appreciate when I was a kid because he brought us up somewhat in that same way and a very strict, but still loving. And a lot of folks, in fact, some family member looked back and say, well, he was very abusive, no. He was loving. And that's just the mentality of our day today. But I'm just gonna point out some things here. And I'm grateful for what the heritage I have in my parents, but I'm more grateful for what God points out in the Bible because I realize that some things mom and dad did. We're not always biblical, a lot of things I did. We're not always biblical. So first of all, I want you to notice this. Those in 1st, or 2nd, same as chapter number 13. And verse number one is the verse that goes along with this first point. And it came to pass that after this, that Absalom, the son of David, had a, what kind of a sister? A fair. Does that mean she spent a lot of time at the county fair? No. What's that mean? She was a fair sister. Beautiful. Whose name was Tamar? And Amnon, the son of David, loved her. And let me say this. In fact, later on in chapter 14, verse number 26, it talks about her brother. What was her brother's name? Absalom. He was beautiful to look at brother Don pointing this out Wednesday night. That was really good. I want to say, boy, this goes right along with what you were talking about, how the people from that region were very beautiful people. In our say this, the first way thing that we do wrong, and I think this is how to raise a rebel, constantly and I say overly affirm their natural beauty and make sure they know there's nothing or no one more important than them. Oh, you're so beautiful. You're my little princess. You're the most beautiful, you know, you've got much value. Does that do a child any good? That gives them the mentality that my outward beauty is far more important. Now we don't tell them that, but that's the idea that we're conveying every time. If you're going to praise them, praise them for their character, not for their appearance. Praise them for the things that they do not, or who they are. And again, this is something that even in Christian circles, we need to be careful of this. I remember when we first started home schooling, went to a number of conferences and things. I remember going to one where they split up the men and the women and the dads going here and they had a session on how to affirm your teenage daughters. To be quite honest with you after a while, and I understand what they're saying, 'cause I grew up in a day when, you know, you'd show them your love and by punching them. And that was it. But I mean, it got to where it was getting kind of creepy to where I was getting uncomfortable. And overly emphasize the outward appearance and the outward beauty is not a good thing. And we need to be careful of that. And I hear people doing it all the time and not that we ought not to tell you that, but that ought not to be the most important thing. I'd say we praise them for their appearance, praise them about 20 times for something that they do. And I said that. And then secondly, and there's just a thought there. And then in verse number one and two again, and I noticed this, their lives were filled with love stories. The children's stories, the movies, what are they all about today? Love, finding your prince charming and true love, right? And this is, we live happily ever after and it's all about love. So when I was growing up, all the songs that were popular were what kind of songs? Love, songs. Everybody loves a love song. We fill our mind in our hearts in our emotions with things that young people cannot control. And we certainly see this. Abson, the son of David had a fair sister whose name was Tamar and Amnon, the son of David. He did what? I love you. Not the way brother and sister should love each other. And Amnon was so vexed that he fell sick for his sister, Tamar. I'm love sick for you. I watch too many movies, listen to too many love songs. And then, and by the way, a young person, especially when they get in the teenage years and now they're pushing dating and everything else and they're great school and even preschoolers are about my boyfriend, my girlfriend and all that silliness that goes on. But a young person, they cannot distinguish between love and lust, especially when their hormones kick in. I can guarantee you, they have no concept of what love is. And yet that's the thing that we emphasize so much. I'd be careful about the songs, the videos, the movie, whatever, the stories that you read to young people. And then thirdly, make sure they have good friends among their peers and relatives. We're talking about how to raise a revel. Notice in verse number three, an Amnon had a, what? A friend whose name was John and death. Let me ask you a second, how were John and Avon and Amnon related to each other? They were cousins, but they're family. They're cousins. What harm can it do getting together, having a sleepover with cousins? What harm can it do? I mean, they're related to each other. Oh, be careful. The devil will use that one a lot. After all, family's everything, right? No, Jesus is everything. And be careful when we want to make sure that they have a good relationship with their family members, and John and Avon of course was a very subtle man. We're told, just because they're related, doesn't give you reason. Well, we can trust them. They're related to us. Let's let the kids stay over there. Be careful. Give them plenty of the fourth one. I think that's what I'm on. The fourth one, give them plenty of free time in space. So they've got 14 points. That means I've got 15 minutes for each one, right? Now, we need to get going here. Number four, give them plenty of free time and free space. After all, they're bored, right? I'm not sure what it is to be bored. I don't know if I really much experienced that when I was a kid. Glad I had a dad that worked us. Thought he was a slave driver when I was a kid. But notice chapter 13, verses 7 and 8, David sent home to Tamar saying, "Go now to the brother Amnon's house, dress him mean." So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house and he laid down. And she took flower and needed-- it is kind of laying around. And nothing real important to do. Amnon just laying around, just go down to his house and you don't have anything else to do. Let them spend many hours a day together with their peers. And I'm grateful for actually my brother-in-law. And every time I think of them, I remember this. They have children about the same age as ours and the Christian man and Mary, my sister. And we were talking to our children where little we were spending some time together. And we were talking about child training and things, trying to encourage each other as young parents that loved the Lord, wanted to train our children right. And he brought up the verse. I said something about the verse foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. And how that foolishness is in there. It's trapped in there. And they don't know how to live any other way because it's just in there. And he said, well, the mentality of the day, well, let's let our kids spend time together to help each other out. He said, you know, what's my little fool going to teach you a little fool? Well, that's kind of like when teenagers get together. They get two young people together. Somebody told me this the other day, you get one child, you got one teenager, you got half a brain. You get two child, two teenagers together. You got no brain at all. And you get three of them together. You're in the negative now. And they are completely brain dead. And what's my little fool going to teach your little fool? Give them plenty of free time and space. Let them spend time in hours together with them. Period number five, let them decide, oh, this is a big one. Let them decide what they want to do. Remember what our definition of a rebel is? One who does what they desire? And when they feel like it. But I just don't feel like getting up today. Well, my dad would have never let me do what David did here. And verse number 13, look at verse number six and eight. Name nine, lay down and made himself sick. Was he sick? No. He said, you know what, I'm going to be sick today. They don't fly, huh? Well, you know, I just don't feel like doing anything today. And when the king was come to see him. Oh, little boopsie whoopsie. Let me patch your little head. You're not feeling good today. Why don't you take it easy today? My dad would have come in. And he never did it to me, threatened to me a number of times. I remember doing my older brothers. You don't get up in time to get up. He'd come in with a bucket of water. You know what that was for. Not to dip your hand in, uh-uh. And your bedding is going to be wet for a couple of days. When he's done with that. And I said to the king, I pray thee, let Tamar my sister come and make me a couple of cakes. And in sight that I may eat it in her, at her hand. And David sent home Tamar saying, going out of thy brother, and I'm not a poor little guy, he's sick. And let's just coddle him and baby him for a while and dress him some meat. Make him some, let me hear homemade biscuits there, huh? That'll be good for him. And let them decide what they want to do. You don't want to get up today. Well, why don't you just sleep in today? And by the way, children don't have to be taught this. They are all experts at manipulating their parents. You ever notice that? Have you had children or you have children out? You know, they're good at that, aren't they? And they know how to turn parents against each other. And don't ever let their emotions dictate their actions. Well, I'm not hungry today. Well, that's okay, you don't have, I'm glad I grew up with the dad that you had to eat everything. Oh, boy, I thought it was child abuse. He'd probably be arrested today. And to eat the liver. Oh, my, ain't nobody in the right mind eats liver. Sorry if you like liver. But we had to eat it if it was served and it was put on our plate. You ate it before you got up. Now, I am grateful that for a short time when I was a teenager, I learned how to get rid of the liver. There's a little cubby hole in the bottom of our table that fit in there, perfect. But after a while, it was so full of stuff. I mean, what's that smell? Well, after it, meat kind of dries up and it doesn't smell after a while, but there's a crusty stuff under there. And, but then for a while we had, when I was little, there were no animals in our house. But for a while, there was a special cat that we had that liked to be in the house. Cats love liver. And if you do it just right. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. (laughing) And, oh, but you had to learn to do something with it. And sometimes I had, and I don't matter what you do, you can hold your nose and eat it, and it still takes awful. And, but I'm glad that it wasn't the day that, oh, you don't want to eat it today. Okay, what would you like a candy bark? Sure, go ahead and have a candy bark. No, that just, do you let them decide what they want to do? And, and then number six, give them servants. Oh, we don't have servants today. Maybe we should say it this way, do things for them, and require no labor from them. I noticed a number of times that it mentions, and in the second statement of 13, the verse number nine, that Amnon mentions to have all the men put out of the room, that's talking about his men servants taken out of his room. In verse number 17, it says, and he called his servants that ministered unto him. What Amnon had to do, man, he's a king's son. He didn't have to do anything. He got servants to do all that. In verse number 18, and he added the garments of diverse colors upon her for with such robes, the king's daughters that they were virgins or perils, and this is, his servants brought her out in both of the door after her. And Amnon sent her away and had his servants lock the door behind Tamar. And, and they had servants. They're better than having servants. Now, kids aren't gonna like this. Give them allowance just because. I'm glad, yeah, I used to hear kids talk about this when I was a kid. Oh, I get a quarter allowance. Now, the quarter was big money back then. I get the quarter would probably be $25 today, I don't know. And, but my parents give me money. Like, what's that? It's an allowance. I remember talking to mom, they, hey, why don't I get allowance? (laughs) Because you can work and earn some money. And, and just give them stuff just because. And most of the things that kids have that we think that they need, they really don't need. They really don't need all the toys that we have to give them. They really don't need the cell phone. They really don't need the car and all those things. If you need them, you can buy them. And, but we want to give them servants. And, and contentment, by the way, is not natural. It's something that must be taught. Amnon's gratification of his lust brought him zero contentment. I want this. If I have this, I will be happy. Did it make him happy? When he raped his sister in verse number 15. And, let me see. Verse number 15, I'm gonna find the right chapter. The right verse and Amnon hated her exceedingly. So that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the lust or love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, arise, be gone. Contentment is something that needs to be taught to children. Godliness with contentment is great gain, but our children aren't gonna pick that up naturally. And then, number seven, and I, and it's hurry on here, number seven, ignore the little things. Oh, they'll get over it. It's just a stage they're going through. Oh, they're tired today. They'll get, oh, this is no big deal. This isn't worth fussing over. It was just, and chapter 13, verse 18 through 20. I had that text written down, or see this clearly. And she had a garment of ours colored upon her, with such the robes of the king's daughters that the virgins appear of. And verse number 19 and team are put ashes on her head, and her garments and diverse colors, and that was upon her and laid her hand on her head, and went out crying. And Absalom, her brother, said unto her, hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? By the way, that's an important telling sign right there. Absalom saw something in Amnon that David himself didn't even see. That shouldn't be that way, but that's another thing. But hold now thy peace, my sister. He's thy brother. Regardless of this thing, so Tamar remained desolate in her brother, Absalom's house. We've mentioned that Wednesday night. It's interesting now, and again, the culture, the idea, and being the king's children, and David's multiple wives, not even all the siblings lived in the same home. We're not talking about somebody that's down the room in another bedroom. We're talking about a different house that they lived in. But ignore the little things. Oh, they'll get over it. You know, you haven't had time. And Absalom, of course, he's upset at his step-brother for what he's done. But he'll get over it. They just kind of forget about it. After all, time heals all things, right? Time heals absolutely nothing. If something not dealt with it only gets worse. But we think they're going to get over it. They're going to grow out of it. What they're going to do is learn to camouflage. And they're going to learn to hide it. And then they're going to sue it, and it's going to be much worse the next time it explodes. They don't notice the obvious character flaws. I guess I put some of these things. These could all be separate things that I mentioned already. And of course, she'll favoritism. And I'm thinking a couple of things, but I won't think. Of course, some of us grew up watching the Smothers Brothers only when Dad wasn't home. Because he hated that show. I didn't know why. So I got old enough to understand what they were talking about half the time. And I look back at the rewinds. Well, I could see why my dad hated that show. But all I remember is Tommy and Dick Smothers. Mom likes you best. You know, that was, oh, I say good. And that's kind of a joke when we get together. I'm mom's favorite, or I'm dad's favorite. And you know, that favoritism, because there was no favoritism. We can joke about those things. Of course, I was the favorite all the time because I was the perfect child. So, no, I was the quiet one that was quiet enough that I didn't get caught the most. So, but, and of course, avoid the hard things. You know, this isn't something I want to deal with right now. Isn't it amazing how the most difficult situations come up when you're, you don't have time to deal with it? Best to drop everything and deal with it now. And don't get involved in their personal life. Well, that's just them. You know, they, they'll work this out. They'll figure it out. When they get a little older, they'll know we need to be involved. We need to be able to sit down. And again, I look at this and every one of these, to be quite honest with you, I look at it and say, I wish I would have done the better in that area. I wish that I could have done better in this area. Though it was the thing that most concerned me as a Christian, when my children were younger, especially, it was a thing that I maybe listen to more sermons and messages and more studying and reading on than maybe anything else because it was important to me. But I still wish I would have known then what I know now and then don't deal with discipline. That kind of goes along with that. Number eight, Second Samuel chapter 13, verse number 21. But when David heard all these things, he was very rough. What else did he do? Nothing. He threw himself a little fit. He was angry. Maybe threw some things around the room. But did he discipline? No discipline, no correction. Ah, we won't deal with that. And then, number nine, let anger and bitterness brew in the heart of your children. Chapter 13, verse 22 and 23. When Absalom spake unto his brother Amnon, neither good nor bad, there were some pretty rough feelings there and rightly so, and it was never dealt with. But we just won't talk to each other. That's not the way to handle anything. But I hear a lot of adults, supposed adults talk that way. But we just decided we're just not going to talk about it. Neither good nor bad, Absalom hated Amnon. There's the reason they don't talk to each other. Well, I love you. I just decided I can't be friends with you anymore. No, we're guilty of hate because he forced his sister Tamar and he had, of course, reason if we have reason to hate anybody. And it came to pass after two full years. That's a long time for a pot of stew to be boiling, isn't it? That's a long time for something to be simmering, that anger, going to stir. And I watch people that adults, when their tea kettle gets a little too hot and they start whistling, they start bringing up stuff that happened 20, 30, 40 years ago in their childhood. And two years is too long, let alone 10 years, 20 years. I remember when you did this, it's a long time, but that bitterness will brew and it will destroy. And of course we like to make excuses. Well, I was just having a bad day. You know, I shouldn't have done that. And after all, Absalom was a good boy. He's got a good heart, doesn't he? And oh, I hear that one. You know, he's a sure he's in jail, but he's a good boy. Sure, he raped his sister, but really he's got a good heart. So wait a minute. It's amazing what we can excuse, isn't it? In verse number 37, notice this in chapter 13, verse number 37. And Absalom fled and went to Talmiah, son of Amahud, king of Geesher, and David mourned for his son every day. Absalom just committed murder of his half-brother because he was out for vengeance or what his half-brother did to his sister. And David overlooked everything and said, well, you know, he's really a good-hearted kid. And I'm really sad for him. I'm mourning for him. It's too bad that he can't be here anymore. It's too bad that we can't be living in the good old days. And then number 10, don't take the advice of other people. You know, something that to me was the greatest blessing that I've had few people do this the other way around. But when our children are young, especially, we'd have folks in our home. Did I just break that thing on the floor? Garrison did that when he was up here, didn't he? Did Garrison do that? I just noticed that's broken. I took my glasses off and I could see the floor. And now where was I? Squirrel. Never mind. They don't take other people's advice. That's what I was saying. Our children were younger. We'd have guest preachers in that are a little older than us. And for some reason, I've always been attracted to older people in the ministry. And we learned the value of learning from them, maybe because my pastor was an old man. All the kids, they were going to school, I'll hold your parents while they're in their 30s. My dad's in his 50s. Well, maybe not quite that big. But my parents are so much older than all my friends' parents. Because I was a tenth one in the chain down the road here and a large family. But then it dawned on me when Chloe was born. The same age difference between me and my dad was between me and Chloe. But I don't feel that old. But anyways, that's just up. But I'm saying that when we'd have folks in our home, there were preachers that I respected and they had them over a meal and I said, you know, I pull them aside and say, can you tell me some things that would be a help for me in training my children? Now, most people, if the folks would have suggested those, they'd get offended. And I want to hear from other people. And again, I wasn't near what I should have been or anything. And I don't want to come across as an expert or a perfect parent because I'm not. But I noticed David wasn't too ready to accept other people's advice. Joe Ab wanted to tell him something, but Joe Ab wasn't sure how to tell him. He wasn't as bold as Nathan the prophet was. So Joe Ab confronted David in a roundabout way with a woman of tecola in chapter 14, the first 22 verses. And because he knew how David could be very harsh in his reactions. And by the way, there's a character flaw that will destroy our family and our children and others around us quicker than we can realize. Not sure how somebody's going to respond when you go talk to them. Is this a good day or bad day to talk to you? Are they going to get upset? Are they going to listen? But he refused to listen. They didn't take the advice of others. And I find it interesting that the way that I won't get into the whole story there, the way this woman of tecola came to David, David had an answer for other people's problems, but he didn't have an answer for his own situation. Isn't that the way it always goes? She came to him with a made-up problem, and he was, "I know exactly what you should do." He understands that, but one comes to his whole life. You know, we can fix everybody else, but we can't deal with our own situation because we don't want to follow what other people tell us. And then don't follow through with correction. Just make threats to them. And the second thing is to have number 14 and verse 21. I'm jumping ahead here a little bit. And verse 21, "And the king said of the Joab, "Behold, now I have done this thing. Go therefore and bring the young man Absalom." You okay? Absalom's been gone long enough, bring him back. And we'll deal with that. Well, did it get dealt with? And verse number 23 says, "Joab rose and went to Heeshir and brought Absalom to Jerusalem, and the king said, 'Let him turn to his own house, and let him not see my face.'" I don't want to deal with this. So Absalom returned to his house and saw not the king's face. Well, I'll deal with it, but I'm really not going to deal with it. I'm not going to follow through with the correction. He ever, to me, is one of the most ridiculous things people do. And I don't hear it as much now as I used to. One, two, you know what a kid's behaving? Three, and they know exactly what number they got to start listening. We don't play those games. You don't need to count. You just do what you're told. And if a child knows you're going to follow through with something, they'll perk up real quick. You need to be the adult. You need to be the parent. And by the way, the greatest thing you can do as a grandparent is to support your parents, your children, and parenting their children. And not offering advice unsolicited, but they're the mom and dad. You let them be mom and dad. And I won't go into that one. Verse 12, verse number 12, refused to discipline even when he's begging for it. I think it's a remarkable statement made by Absalom in chapter 14, in verse 32, and 33. And that's not right. And verse number 32, and Absalom answered, Joe Abbehold, I sent unto these saying, "Come hither that I may send thee to the king, to say where am I come from, Geesher? Why did I come here to Jerusalem? It has been good for me to have been there still. Now therefore let the king see my face." And of course Absalom did some things to Joe. I have to convince him to bring him before David. And notice what he says, "If there be any iniquity in me, let him kill me." What was the penalty for death, for murder? Death? I deserve to die. He ought to give me what I deserve. And Joe had came to the king and told him when he had called for Absalom. He came to the king and bowed himself his face to the ground, expecting the repercussions of his crime, but instead what did David do? What did the king do? He kissed Absalom, "Oh my boy, I love you, you're the light of my life, you are everything to me." Oh no. And he refused to discipline him even when he was begging for it. And of course we could go and let him wear the uniform of a rebel, how long was Absalom's hair? What kind of hair dude? He have a flat top. Do we have a shaved head? They have a mohawk? What do you have? Long hair. All throughout history that's a sign of somebody who's living by somebody else's rule. Of course the only exception in a sense was that who takes the Nazarite vow, and that's the same death to the man's world, and I'm only obedient to God. And Absalom didn't have a Nazarite vow, he just wore the uniform, does not nature itself teach you that it's a shame for a man to have long hair. And of course growing up in the '60s we all knew what that was about. And that was the hippie, the groovy kids, you know? And not my neighborhood, that wasn't allowed, and let them wear this. And then accept his half-hearted apology, oh I'm sorry, but you know it wasn't real. And then we go on number 13, ignore all the obvious warning signs, ignore all the obvious warning signs. In chapter 15 and verse number 1 it came to pass after this, Absalom prepared him chariots and horses and fifty men to rum before him. Gee, you wonder what he's doing that for? He's rather in up in an army, has he going on a hunting expedition? No, I don't think so, it's rather obvious what's happening here in verse number 6. Of course David, he didn't refuse to see it, verse number 6. Now this mattered to Absalom and all Israel that came to the king for judgment, so Absalom stole the harp of the men of Israel. Oh, he's such a good boy, such a kind loving personality. Everybody loves him, and David refused to see what Absalom was doing. And then verse number 7 and 8, and it came to pass after four years, or forty years. Talk about that a little bit Wednesday night, and I hope I'm not too much of a hair ticker in your eye. But Absalom said unto the king, I pray thee, let me go and pay my vow, which I have out into the Lord. Oh, I'm going to go worship the Lord. I'm just going to pray to the Lord Jehovah God, yes, we're going to have us a revival meeting. No, he's going to raise up an army to come back to kill his daddy, but David couldn't see that because he ignored all the obvious warning signs, refused to see the reality. Never concern yourself with their attitude. To me, one of the most important thing in children is their attitude, and you know when a child's a child, you expect them to be a child, but you know when they know better. It's quite obvious if you want to see it. And then of course David put confidence in God to do something that he should have done himself, and we won't get into that one, I just put that as a footnote, that's a whole other thing. But number 14, just get out of their way when they're on a rampage of destruction. That's what all the chapter number 15 is about, what we talked about this morning. They're coming back to feel me, well, I'll just let him do what he wants to. Just let him throw the little tantrum, let him then, let him express himself. You know, this comes a surprise, a lot of that sure doesn't come to surprise you folks, but a lot of folks, I heard it a couple of times this week, that well, kids are just, you know, you just expect them to throw a little fit every once in a while, and you expect them, and no, you don't expect them to do that. Someone, I heard somebody in a conversation this week say that somebody was watching their kids behave and how they behave in public, and they said, well, how, you know, my child, when they walk through the store, they're crying out for this, they're like, you know, you've seen them in a Walmart shopping cart and everything else throwing a fit and everything. And they said, how do you, how do you keep them from doing that? And the parents, wise parents response was, we just had never allowed it. And the other guy, ah, yeah, that's cute, that's funny, and he said, no, we just never allowed it. And by the way, we never did it ourselves, they never saw a scream and shout and yell and carry on what adults act like adults, it's amazing how it affects our children. And some of the things I've seen, and that's maybe one of the most surprising things in coming into the ministry, and being a pastor, I started to see things that I didn't know pastors had to face, and to see adults behave like children. However, a number of my children's I think, you know, so they did this, and they're, they are, and we went to love them and respect them, but, you know, we wouldn't expect you, we wouldn't allow you to act like that, but we got to have to put up with it, with other people. And just to let people vent, you know, somebody said, well, I just had to throw a fit every once in a while, did you, ah, well, so did the Absalom. And then, of course, if we just get out of their way and let them rampage, you better prepare yourself to die in shame. And the verse that we shared earlier in Proverbs 29, 15, "The rod of reproof giveth the wisdom, the child left to himself, bringeth his mother, what, to shame. A child that just, yeah, will just feed them, clothe them, take care of them, will just raise them, and let them do their own thing, and it's no wonder they bring us a shame." And sometimes I hear people say, well, that's not the way I raise them, and I hear Christian people say that. Why? My children to do this, but did you train them? And there's a difference, a big difference there. Observations on the tragedy of Absalom, raising, how to raise a rebel, of course, I hope that some of this is helpful, and I hope that we would search our hearts and even, well, a lot of folks will praise the Lord, my children are growing, I don't have to worry about this. There's a whole lot of children out there that need a spiritual grandfather. I see them all the time. I love to walk around town and just talk to people and talk to kids, and just try to be a godly influence on them, but let them know that not everybody lives the way they see others live, and tell them about the love of Christ. Show them the love of Christ in our lives. Make a difference in a life. If we could see beyond our own little world, sometimes I fear that we as Christians get so, and I look back into history of Christianity many times, and it's easy when you look back to see what this is where that snowball started out as a little handful of snow, and it eventually grew into this. But I look back when we lost focus of the lost world out there, and started, and I'm not against it, but the mentality of the Christian school movement. We're going to raise these super children that aren't going to be exposed to all the sin and the wickedness, and they're going to be super Christians, so that didn't work out too good. So then we said, well, the Christian school is not really that great. After all, there's still sinners in there, and my children are not sinners, but the other children in there are bad, and so we're going to start homeschooling. Now I'm not against homeschooling. We've done both those routes with our children, and so we're going to homeschool, and go to the homeschool crime, where we're going to have these super spiritual Christians that are never going to do anything wrong, but now they've grown into adults, and they're just as wicked as the world. But we've sheltered and coddled them, and really made things worse instead of better, thinking we're doing them a favor. And I'm going to say the solution is this, yes, train them, but they need to be in the world to reach the world. And there's a fine balance there, not that we turn them loose, but they need to be involved in ministry. They need to be knocking on doors, they need to be meeting neighbor kids, they need to be walking around town, talking to kids about Jesus, and seeing kids where they live, rather than protecting them and sheltering them, and that's something that is so overlooked in our world today, and I know I'm going in a different direction there, but that is something that we have lost sight of because we're so focused on our little world, that the world out there is dying and going to hell. But as long as we're safe, and we're really not as safe as we think we are, but it's good to pat ourselves on the back and think that we're okay, and there's a whole lot of people out there that need somebody to reach out to them and make a difference in their life. And oh, if we could get a glimpse of that, the mission feels right here. But we think, well, if I'm going to go to the mission field, I've got to go to another country somewhere, and know it's right outside these doors, if we could see it, and realize that there's a difference we can make right there, and our children can make a big impact if we teach them to look outside of the corners of their house. I'm going to ask you to stand your--