do you evolve into the person that you want to become? You're going to lose some relationships. It's just inevitable to happen. And you think that this is a problem and you get upset and you get sad because you're grieving it. Let's talk about that right now. (upbeat music) Hey, hey, hey everybody and welcome back to The Positivity Experience. It's your girl Lori and I'm so excited that you're here. It is all time, I'm really excited. You already know this. I'm gonna be talking about fall to Christmas and I'm gonna tell you I'm Christmas shopping in a month. It's just me. I am very much like the stores. I like to be a season ahead. It's how my brain works. And the mental declutter. Remember last week we were talking about mental decluttering and part of that is going to be releasing expectations. And this is expectations that you may have even set in your brain. And this is what's gonna happen as you start to evolve. Now, there's going to be an amazing worksheet over there and we have worksheets for every podcast over the last year and year and a half of it guides you. It helps you understand where to start, how to unbox it because I know for me, I can listen to something, I can see it, I can read it, but I need a little bit more prompts and a little bit more guidance. If that's your jam, hop over to patreon, patreon.com forward slash the positivity experience and you'll be able to have access to this part, this worksheet and any other worksheet. It's a whole thing. So there's a little patreon that kind of goes with it. So we unbox it and walk through it. And this one is a big one, right? Because so many people get upset and get sad because they're losing a relationship. But are you really losing the relationship? Or are you losing the expectation of the relationship and the idea of what you wanted it to be because they're two very, very different things. So let's start, before we even talk about that, oh my God, I'm so sad and grieving this relationship, you gotta understand how the human brain works, right? Human behavior. We want what we want when we want it, right? I've told you this before. Our brains want instant gratification. We want it the way that we want it to be. We really don't wanna be challenged. We really don't wanna be phased with discomfort. But you're gonna have to challenge yourself through that because any person who works with me, and I have clients all over the world, you guys know this. Any person who works with me, one of the first things I say, in one of the first, first sessions ever, is are you ready to start this journey? And are you ready? 'Cause it's important. And are you ready to accept that you may lose people, one person or all peoples in your life as you are going on this journey? And of course, everybody's like, oh my God, yes. Like, oh my God, I need to change, I need to change. But are you really ready? Because that means you're gonna have to accept that some of the relationships are more superficial than you thought that they were. And some of the relationships, when they can no longer benefit a person from you not having boundaries, they're gonna ghost out a little bit and they're gonna try to make you feel bad about it because they can't benefit from it. So you look at it and you go, oh my God, was any relationship in my life a real relationship? Well, during the time, sure. And this is where that dissonance will come into play and also where you have a hard time in accepting that, you know what? Maybe that relationship with my mom wasn't to my benefit. Maybe this relationship marriage that I'm in is there at a convenience and now I'm growing and I see like, oh my God, myself esteem's better. That's kinda served a purpose, but it was kind of an ald and now, oh my God, I'm alone and all of these things, if you are not and just hear this now, whether you're working with me or anybody else in the world or you gotta ask yourself this question. Are you ready to do the work as you know, to evolve? Are you, don't say yes, don't be like, oh my God, yes. Understand what this means. That means consistency. That means self-discipline. Showing up when you don't wanna show up. Showing up after the novelty of feeling better wears off 'cause it will. Oh, it will. You'll be like, oh my God, new year, new me. I'm gonna find myself. I don't like these relationships anymore. Oh my God, here it is. That will stop 'cause your body can't maintain that, your mind can't maintain that. And are you gonna be willing to show up even when you're tired, even when you don't want to, even when you're making excuses, even when you're having a brat moment, are you willing to show up? So the first question you gotta ask yourself before we even get to this topic is are you ready to do the work? Second part of that, so let's say you say yes. Are you willing, didn't say it's gonna happen, but are, it will for some people, but are you willing to be okay with losing a relationship that you thought was a deeper relationship? Are you willing to do that? And again, don't just off rip, say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you willing to accept it? Now, if you are, now we're on this growth journey, which means there's gonna be relationships that are gonna enter your life as far as clarity. She might be like, oh my God, well, you must friends for like 48 years. Okay, what has it served you? And obviously, every day isn't gonna serve you, right? But if you look at it, is this promoting where I wanna be? Is this promoting my growth? Is this bringing value to me? Right, that's not selfish, because if it's not bringing value to you, you may not be bringing as much value as you think, or you may be bringing superficial value. Oh, I'll just call them 'cause I know that if I ask them to watch the kid, they will. Right, you'll see this a lot if you're a grandparent. Okay, you're like, my God, they're always calling me. Like, I'm always babysitting these people. And now suddenly you go, you know what, no, I'm not available. And because you're gonna go out with your girlfriends, I don't know. And they're like, well, what do you mean? No, I'm not watching the grandkid. And then you'll find people, sometimes they can get real nasty and may not be over that specific situation, but maybe like, well, you know what, that's fine. You don't need to see the grandkids at all. So now we're pulling out the heavy manipulative arsenal of you're not doing what I want you to do. So I'm going to punish you. Honestly, you're gonna have to take an L on these grandkids. I know it's painful. I know it's hurtful, but do not feed into this bear because it may be a superficial relationship with this person. Of course, you're gonna be a little upset with it, but how that's gonna produce itself and how you're gonna see it is the judgments, abandonment, they're gonna try to abandon. Once again, if you're leaving and you're not serving my best and highest good, is it really abandonment or is it a favor? You know, it's how you see it. Guilt tripping. Also, some of these relationships, they're gonna seem very productive. Very like, oh my God, I want you to win. Some people only want you to win to the level that they want you to win. And then once you excel past that, it's a problem. So there's this theory that's the thermostat thing that let's say you're upping your temperature, but in a good way, not like a fever temperature, like 100 is like, whoo, look at me, I'm finding my way. And you've been at 70, not I'm not even gonna give you that much, you've been at 60. And you've been at 60, so that means all these people have kept you at 60 or they like you here at 60. Well, now you start elevating your temperature, but people are like, what's happening here? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you need to bring it right back down here. So that's where you'll find people who will guilt trip you, try to hold you to their temperature. 'Cause not everybody, and you can be sad about it, but you have to remember, stop expecting you out of people. Part of your biggest reason for needing to grieve a relationship is you're expecting you out of this person when, why? 'Cause you would. That's not fair to anybody. It's not fair to you, it's not fair to them. So you're gonna find, and it's gonna seem like a bitter pill to swallow, but some of your closest people who you feel are the closest to you are going to be happy for you until they don't like it, until you go against the grain of what they want you to do, until you do something that they can no longer benefit from. Which in turn means this journey and some might tell people off from the door, you gotta be willing to go and solitude. No one needs to celebrate this journey, but you. Expectations. Well, shouldn't they be happy for me? No, not really. I mean, yes, I mean, it'd be nice for them to be happy for you, but they may not be happy with themselves. You gotta accept that a person can only meet you where they are in their life. A person can only give you how they feel about themselves. Which is why if you're a confident person, let's say you're a confident person, you surround yourself with other people who are confident. You surround yourself, you wanna always elevate your game, you surround yourself with people who are more of the person that you wanna become, and I don't mean materially. Making a difference, being balanced, being confident, those are the people you align yourself with. So on this journey, you're gonna have to have the reality that you know what, maybe mom's not on that journey. Maybe this best friend, sister, spouse, boss, is not on that journey. And the negative reactions are going to be so crazy as you grow. I've seen it for years. It is going to happen, and it can be cloaked in, well, I'm just trying to help. Just trying to help. Are you? Because then, people have a fear of being abandoned. That's right. Other people have a fear of abandonment by your growth. Because what it causes them to do is reflect on their own insecurities. 'Cause a change in other people means that they have to look within themselves and say, "Hmm, not is it me?" 'Cause a person's change in growth has nothing to do with you, right? So let's not make it personal because there's no need for that. Your journey just doesn't have you on it anymore, and that's okay too. But your growth, let's say you're really balancing and you're meditating and you're going, oh my God, you feel you're non-reactive, your skin looks like it's glowing more, 'cause you're not overthinking things as much. Well, now this person looks and goes, "Oh, well wait, what the hell is this person doing?" Like, wait, why? Like, what are they doing? So now they're going to start looking at you because before you guys used to talk about the same things, you used to complain to each other about the same things. Now you're not doing that anymore. Which forces them to go, "Wait, am I supposed to change? Like, what's happening here?" It's also that insecurity of like, am I losing the role in which I play in that relationship? There are some people who really want to bring value to your life, not in a positive way, just, I mean, in a positive way for them. They wanna be the person you're always coming to for advice. They wanna be the person who always changes your mind because this is what they want to do. This is the role that they want to play. So the moment you start enhancing yourself, that you start evolving yourself, is the moment that that person, in their mind, that person feels irrelevant anymore. And perhaps they are, see, you don't grow up from people. You grow apart from someone. You're not better than somebody. You're not less than somebody. Just 'cause you're making changes on this positive, self-discovery journey, it doesn't make you superior. You're not better than anybody. However, that version of you in which they've known, that version of you that may have been codependent or people pleasing, that version no longer exists. They don't know what to do with that information. They feel as though, oh well, and then they may hit you with the whole, oh well, I guess I was good enough when you weren't in a good headspace, but now you're in a good headspace and now there's no time for me. I can promise you. I've heard my clients say that sentence 700,000 times because it happens. Oh, okay, well now you're getting brand new. Oh, now that you're all about yourself, now you don't have no time for me. And maybe that's true. Maybe you don't. Maybe you don't. Which is also okay. Because the other side of that coin, what if they're on their different growth journey, which they're allowed to be? Well, that means that you're no longer going to have to hold that role, which goes into attachments, right? So a big part of this growth that you start going, oh my God, are any of my relationships real? Is there any value in anybody around me for me? Well, because they may have a different journey that you're not on. So as much as this is about other people not being on your journey, guess what? There's going to be times that you're not going to be on somebody's journey. Don't take that personal. They're not trying to hurt your feelings. They're not trying to make you feel bad. It is what it is. People are going to grow and often they grow apart, my first husband. We didn't really have any big issues. When I had my son, he was still in the music industry. It's where I met him. We were on the party scene in New York on a regular basis. I was like, okay, I'm not going to party quite as much. Well, he was still there. I wasn't. I grew one way, not better. I grew one way. He stayed the same. Now he's better now. He's grown. He's got kids with somebody. He's been married for almost 10 years. Great. But when I did that, I went laterally and it was okay. And how it was is how it was because my growth journey was good for me and me leaving was good for him and me. Because I don't want it to breed resentment. I didn't want to carry that. Did I mourn that relationship? I don't know if I mourned the relationship. I think there was a part of like, I wanted this to be different. So I think it was the idealization of it. Did I fully grieve it? I mean, it was kind of hard for me to figure out, okay, well, now what am I going to do? What does this look like? But it wasn't, I think it wasn't so much grieving that relationship as it was as like, okay, well, how do I find my way? I don't know who I am. Let me try to discover it. And I mean, I went to his wedding with my family. I mean, he's a much better, he's in a, I don't wanna say better person. He's in a better head space for him and me too. Going back to that top question on, are you ready to do this? Are you ready to accept that you, you may not be on their journey? 'Cause that's part of your growth journey, by the way, is being humble and self-aware to know that it's okay that if I'm not on their journey, it's sad. It's depressing a little bit, but you know what? I love them enough that if they don't need me in their life in order for them to heal, I want that for them. But are you at that emotional maturity level? That's fine if you're not, but work towards that. Because if I love you, I want you to really start to develop who you are, and maybe I'm not on that journey for you and okay, me being sad should never prevent you from your growth journey. I would never make you feel bad. I wanna see you win. So are you willing to also accept that you might not be on their journey? Because it can go into those unrealistic expectations and then some attachments, which by the way, you will start to work on as you continue to grow. So the reason that you find these negative reactions by people, again, fear of change. Good Lord, people don't like to change. Change is one of the best things on the planet. I told you that. If you're not willing to walk into the unknown, you're not gonna ever grow. I mean, because you can't say, oh my God, this is where I'm gonna be. You have no idea. You have no idea. Your growth journey isn't about control. If you think that you can control your growth journey, you're not on a growth journey. If you think that you are going to manage and dictate how you heal and how fast you heal, you are not even on the journey yet. You're not even there yet. And that's okay. It's gonna be scary. Supposed to be. Don't tell me it's hard. You got two hearts. Hard is staying the way you are, or do you want the productive heart? Your call. But people do not like when you change, because they can also no longer benefit from you not changing, right? So if you're always the person who feeds their victim mentality, right? If you're the person who's always trying to fix them and you're the person who just really wants them to like you so much that you bend over backwards and you're helping them here and you're bringing in this and you're doing all that. And you finally, you're like, you know what? This isn't helpful for me. I'm not channeling that energy on me. And now you start to quote unquote pull away and that person can no longer benefit from your boundaries and benefit from your growth. Well, of course they're going to get upset with you. Of course you have flipped the script on them. They're not going to be happy. Be willing to be called rude, selfish. God, narcissistic, 'cause you're going to be called that too when you start putting yourself as a priority. Be the villain, it's okay. It really is okay. And that's how you know you're starting to make a growth. That's how you know you're growing. There's a disruption in dynamics. As you become more independent, another person may not feel as needed or important as they once were, right? Because when you're not in a healed state and you're not healing, you're needy. You're attached, you're in a needy situation. So somebody, so you need somebody. You need somebody and the reality is no, you don't. No, you don't. I mean, we all need people as humans, but you don't need them anymore. And they know that you don't need them anymore. So when you're in that space of going, well, I don't understand why would they abandon me? They're nobody's abandoning you. They just can no longer benefit from you in turn, that was a very superficial relationship. Kind of a bitter pill for you to swallow, isn't it? It is. 'Cause you thought, oh, I thought that this relationship was more because you were expecting you out of them. And on our growth journey, sometimes we think people should celebrate it and it's not their job to celebrate it. It's yours, right? It's your job to celebrate that. So there's a disruption in dynamics. You know, there's accepting and grieving on your part. When you are growing, you're going to lose relationships and that means that you're gonna have a level of grief. But don't get caught up in that grief cycle of trying to analyze it other than the fact that you wanna be self-aware. Very often you're grieving the idea and the idealization of it and you're grieving the effort in which you put in. But I want you to step back from that. Okay, I want you to step back for a minute. Why would you wanna relationship? Again, logic is gonna go out the window in feelings, but just hear me out on this. Why would you wanna relationship that you have to constantly change who you are? You have to walk on eggshells. You have to show up because you don't wanna disappoint them, which is kind of the eggshell thing too. You can't really have a mind of your own because it's not like you're stupid, right? Seriously for a minute, why would you want that? Do not tell me it's for the sake of having somebody. 'Cause I'm gonna tell you right now, I've heard that a lot too. Well, I mean, it sucks, but at least I have somebody. No, my God, get out. Go live in the jungle for a minute. Climb a tree, sleep in a bird's nest. I don't care whatever you need to do. Get out of a relationship that you feel superior to or inferior to, inferior to, that you feel like you have to people who please, that you have to walk on eggshells with, that you have to be kind of on guard 'cause you never know what the person's gonna be when you get there. Get out. Get out, that is nothing to grieve. Now, you are going to grieve the fact that you wanted this person to feel avoid. So now what you're grieving is you're grieving the role in which you wanted that person to play. But the person itself, there's no need to grieve that because that's not really a relationship. You're putting like your baby in the corner. You're put over here. You would much rather sit in the house by yourself. There is so many answers in solitude. So many answers in looking in that mirror and having to confront yourself because you're not surrounding yourself by superficial relationships. So it's okay to grieve the idea of it. It's okay to grieve the expectation of it but grieve it and release it, right? Because it's gonna be an eye opener. This growth journey is one hell of a ride. Oh, it's one hell of a ride. And it's gonna allow you to see, man, maybe no relationship in my life was real. It was real. You're gonna tell yourself that. It wasn't really, it was real in the moment. It was real for the version of you that you were. See, you have to remember that you're growing. You're not growing up better then, but you're growing apart. And there is that part of you that is going to stay there. That specific person, you as the person, that specific person no longer exists. So they're attaching themselves and their expectations of you to this person that is really just a body shield that looks like you. And now they're upset that this isn't working any further. And your autonomy, your individuality, it's a mindset shift. In order to work through the grief of it is to embrace what you are discovering, right? So when you're releasing some of this guilt and shame and anger and sadness and grief, all of these things, which are, by the way, you're gonna have them, but you're gonna go in and out of emotions. That's fine. You are opening yourself up to so much more autonomy, independence and things that serve your best and highest good. I want you to shift the focus for a minute. And I want you to say, instead of saying, what am I losing, what am I freeing up? Not what am I losing, what am I freeing up? What kind of space have I freed up for myself? Well, listen, you can only keep pouring into a full cup before it starts to overflow and not in necessarily a great way, not like abundance of overflow, flowing. So when you empty that, now you can put something that's more beneficial to you. Listen, I know you know this and some of you experience this. Sometimes the people that you meet along your journey is the closest family you've ever had in your entire life. It's the best relationship you've ever had in your life because there's not a lot of expectations I had somebody say to me recently, man, you have a friend for 48 years, you got close friends now and everything because we don't carry expectations. We don't carry expectations. I don't know what to tell you and people are like, how is that possible? We're just there for each other. We don't expect to be called every day. We don't expect to be included in on everything. Two of our friends can hang out. We're not feeling FOMO. We're just not high maintenance people. Those are low maintenance friends and I require low maintenance friends and so do they so it works. But only one I grew up with and that's my best friend, Kim. Everybody else I discovered about over a decade ago, probably a decade and a half ago now. Maybe even a little bit longer. So we know each other. We talk about it. We know we're very different, by the way. Every single one of us are very different, which is what makes it work. 'Cause we all have different things. We have different desires, different goals. But what we have in common is we're there for each other without expectations. We're there for each other without having people make you feel guilty. We can pick up the phone and literally just go, oh yeah, so you remember what we were talking about three years ago? Yeah, so like that's how we can do it. So you're going to free yourself up to have people. Do not seek these people. Don't go on some friend dating site to go find some friends. These people will come that will align with you when you free up by letting go. When you let go, you grieve it, you see it, you accept it for what it is, you write in the five journals about it and you allow yourself to move freely through it. You're not gonna go around it, you're not gonna go on top of it, you move through it. 'Cause again, as you become more independent, people are gonna realize that they don't have to have that level in your life anymore. They're gonna be reflecting on their insecurities. They're gonna have to face the fact of, am I gonna stay the same or am I gonna change? Think of a relationship right now, any relationship that you felt like, man, this isn't what I wanted it to be. Was it a couple things? Did I put an expectation on it? Okay, I've used this example before. A friend moves to Paris, you move to Paris, thank you, you're out of coffee every day, you don't end up having a coffee every day. Now you're upset that you went all the way to Paris and they're not giving you any play, but that was your own doing. So as part of your grieving on you, not to blame yourself, but as part of that grief based on the idea that you thought this relationship was, it doesn't matter, but just be honest with yourself. Because when you're in that space, now it's easier to say, okay, well, this was my expectation and everybody has full free will and I have to take accountability for the fact that you know what, maybe it isn't the way it was. And that's so important because in that space is where you have self-discovery. When you have self-discovery, you can appreciate that some people aren't ever gonna go. Now, also think about this. Think of one person, you might have a ton of them, but think of one person. It could be a family member, it could be a friend, whatever. Somebody who's had a pretty decent relationship with you, not just some like off-cuff person. And you are noticing that they're not making changes. It's not because they can't. You can teach an old dog new tricks, I promise you can. It is never too late to wanna change. It is never too late to wanna grow. It is never too late to heal, ever, not ever. But a person has to wanna do that. So think right now and say, think of one person who's been important to you or vice versa and you realize they are just not changing. Okay, just think about that for a minute. Why can't you accept that that's not your problem? Their lack of change is never yours to change. It's never for yours to plan a seed. It's never for yours to do that. Is it because, get very honest, is it because you want them to be a different role in your life? Is it because you want that mother, daughter, son, mother, or whatever relationship? But you're like, "Oh, I want this so bad, "but they're not changing." Well, then what's your contribution to this? Right, I've said this before. You go to a circus, you don't like clowns, you keep walking in the circus tent and you keep getting upset with the clowns. You're choosing to walk into that. So you're choosing often to have an expectation on what this relationship is. In turn, it's making the grief for that relationship even harder. However, on this growth journey that will bother you less and less and less. Give yourself that time, give yourself that space. But also know that as you start to quote unquote, lose people, I mean, they're not keys, you're not losing people. But as you start to lose people on this journey, what is it doing for you? What has that demonstrated to you? Doesn't that give you the opportunity to see it as a growth? Like that's a growth journey because some people are never gonna move outside of where they live, right? And I don't mean from a fiscal perspective, some people just don't, they just like what they like. They like this little comfort zone. But you know what? Nothing grows in the comfort zone. And sometimes you're not supposed to live in that comfort zone with them. That's on them 'cause it's gonna disrupt, your growth is gonna disrupt their sense of normalcy. It's gonna evoke fear in those other people 'cause they're afraid of what if I'm gonna lose a relationship? Well, I'm gonna make them feel like I'm the best thing that they ever lost, but I'm the one that's actually losing, but I want them to see my value. Do not feed into their insecurities. Do not allow yourself to have regret or feel guilty because someone else feels sad that you are growing. Don't, it's not your job. That's not your job to fix. And then you have to say, are my relationships, if I look at it objectively on paper, are my relationships superficial? Are they there when we're all hanging out together? Are they there when it's just money-focused? Are they there when I'm just convenient? Well, that's a superficial relationship. You can have 'em with your siblings, you can have 'em with people. Always remember that you have relatives, family is made, relatives is what you're stuck with. So don't go through this idea of, I have to grieve this relationship with my sister because she's my sister. And she, we should, the moment you have should or wish, you already know that they're gonna be grief involved. My sister and I should be closer. Why? That's my sister. No, that's your relative that's a sister. But I promise you, you can have soul sisters that are never brothers or anybody else, parents who aren't related to you. In turn, that helps you understand that no, you're not gonna just be without a family. Maybe you need to be without those relatives. But are you willing to disconnect that expectation with the idealization of what it is? If yes, the grief cycle of a relationship is going to be less. It'll be there, right? You're like, oh my God, I used to love it when we used to do A, B, C, D, E, F, and G. But my God, this person's draining. They're never changing. All they do is complain about stuff. It's not benefiting me or my growth. And as I change, I'm starting to see how problematic and toxic that that has been for me. Well, then you know what? Saddle up. It's okay. No one said you're not allowed to grieve that. Just get out of the space of thinking that they need to change. Again, if the moment comes into your mind that says, "I wish that they would change or need them to change," you're not on that growth cycle. Like you're not on the growth journey. You're saying the words, but you're not on the growth journey. 'Cause you're allowed to be sad about it, but when you look at it and say, what was this relationship? Wasn't all bad, no relationships all bad. At any given point, no relationships all bad. What did you gain from it? What did you learn from it? What did you get to experience in it? Good, better and different. Enjoy it for what it was, but you're not gonna be in a relationship with everybody the same way for the rest of your life. It's just not gonna happen. So when you're evolving yourself, you've gotta be willing to sometimes evolve alone, right? Because I've had people go all the time, "Man, this like self discovery and being the best version of myselfs can be lonely." Depends on how you look at it. 'Cause you can live with a house of people and have a spouse and five kids and $8 million in the bank and still be lonely. 'Cause alone and lonely are two very different things. Alone is not bad. Lonely comes from a level of what you expected, what you wanted them to see, how you wanted them to jump on the journey with you, how you were all excited and you feel better and you're a better person now, so you wanna drag them along with you. No, you're not gonna do all of that. And allow yourself that time. Allow yourself to get honest with yourself and say, "This is sad, this is sad." And then evaluate why is it sad? We'll be, and if you say to yourself because she is or because they are, no, we're not gonna do that, because it's my mom, because it's my sister, because it's my dad, 'cause okay, at the end of the day, you're falling in love with the idea of what you wanted in the relationship, not necessarily the person. I mean, I would dare to say all of us would have loved it, little happy childhood and had that support system. And I mean, I think that's a fair assessment. But there's no need, especially most of us on here have not had that or we probably wouldn't even be listening this and I wouldn't be talking about it. So what you're mourning and grieving is what you wanted it to be. Your friend has a relationship with their mom. Your friend and her mom go to the flower shop and they buy flowers and they sit down and they can call each other and they love each other. And then you look and you've been mourning a relationship that never was in the first place, 'cause that's a fact. You're mourning something that never was. You're mourning an idea of what you wanted it to be. But that will, you will gain clarity on that, on this journey. You will gain clarity of it. And it won't even be like a negative, like, oh my God, everything is superficial. Yeah, yeah. I mean, think about how many times that people ask you, hey, how's your day? You're like, oh, it's good. It's like an automatic response. What the hell would that look like if you were honest? Oh, hey, how are you? Rough day, man. I got up this morning and oh, that's okay. I'm meditating, I'm gonna do better. And yeah, I think I might have some tuna for lunch. You're like, my God, I didn't really care. I was just kind of doing that human nice thing of saying, you know, how was your day? People are intentionally superficial because you can't just sit there and be open to everybody. It's just gonna be problematic for you. It's, you know, you reflect on it. You reflect and say, what has this taught me? What grace can I give people who I thought were something more than they weren't? What reactivity can I have within myself to know that this is who they are for them? Don't try to change people. Don't try to change the fact that you know what? Not everybody is gonna stay on this journey with you. And grief is a funny thing because you attach it to a person. I want you to start looking at it and say, what relationship am I grieving? Is it a real one? Was it an idea of one? Take the actual person out for a moment? 'Cause while we do mourn the person, it's the situation in which we mourn more. And I've been, I do a lot of grief counseling for people over years and I've done that for decades. It's not the fact of you're just missing that person, you're missing the idea of the person, the memory of the person, and what you wanted from them and what you got from them. And it will help you move through it. Again, we're gonna go over to Patreon and we're gonna discuss the spreadsheet for that in the little worksheet because it's gonna help you get very honest with yourself. You deserve to grow. And if that means that you need to declutter a bunch of people, then maybe you need to do that. And it's okay, it doesn't have to be glorious in the beginning, but I promise you when you accept that you're freeing yourself up from toxic things that no longer serve you, I promise you, you won't be grieving anymore now or in the future. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)
