Lower The Tone Podcast

Episode 13 - It's The Yeast We Can Do

Unlucky for some, it's Episode 13!

Jon corrects his lies after being called out by Kellie (the non vegan vegan)

Patrick takes one to the face, and asks for feedback constantly.

Spoon sizes and haircuts are discussed

1% Weight Loss, 99% funny

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:: 58m
Broadcast on:: 07 Sep 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

Ok we're off. Yeah we're off but this bit will be mostly unusable because it'll have an echo of you in it because I didn't put my headphones on. Yeah. What reminded me that I need to put my headphones on we'll see a new turn up with headphones on. Oh here we go. You're a bell-end by the way John Pearson. How about that for a start? Why? Why? Because of the past card you put to get into this zoom meeting. Well thankfully zoom wouldn't let you finish it would it wouldn't let you use enough characters. Well all did zoom decide did I put that in there in a specific way so that it was ambiguous as to what I was calling you. Alright ok. I can't think of you because I've been desensitized I can't think of another word that begins with see you that isn't the one that I think you were calling me. How was that? Can you just say something so I can see if you're coming in me ears? No. No you're not. No I am. Yeah it's fine. Hello. No you're not. You're still coming up the iPad. Oh for fuck's sake. No you're not. Oh you're not. You're coming up the headphones. I don't know if you're fucking idiot. You had headphones on again. Oh you're still coming up the iPad. Oh well sorry. Man man alive not prepared already for this at all but let's let the magic of podcasting. And you're editing skills. We've some of that usual magic to make it look seamless and smooth operation. So hello welcome along. How are you? Hi John yes I'm really good thanks how are you? Good excellent it's it's Monday with again another Monday not as late as one of the ones we've done recently but this is reasonably late. Monday at nine o'clock the Sherwood is on. Oh sorry mate have I interrupted Sherwood for you. I don't watch Sherwood but I think tonight is the night that Shelley is in an episode. Fleetingly. All the episodes of Sherwood that I should be watching is the one that my wife's in. Okay yeah I feel I feel even better about the fact that we're doing this now then. I'm gonna have to watch it on iPlayer. Although I will be able to go straight to that moment and watch the glory of Shelley. Do you know what moment it will be? I know what she does in the moment but I wouldn't be able to predict where it happens in the episode for that. I don't know how much screen time she'll get but hopefully that will come out it's quite exciting for those of us that aren't recording a podcast. Yeah exactly everyone else is watching Sherwood at this point Patrick's wife might be on the screen and you've seen it before he has. She's doing Sherwood which is an incredibly popular for what I've seen of it not very much. It looks like a great program really well written really well put together. Alex has been in East Enders out to millions of people whereas here I am in my shed recording a podcast for both of our listeners. Oh look at that I've got balloons pointing on that as well. Yeah two both of us is Ian and Kelly welcome along and Carl Jones since we had that we had that confirmation this weekend as well. A triple and he's been an increase of 50% of our listenership which is just fabulous. Oh it's just an incredible feat. What are we doing? Low of the tone podcast which is the weight loss podcast with little to no weight loss advice or content within it now. I mean there was little at first even when we were trying now he's just he's fallen away so. It's looking nothing now absolutely nothing. I mean the first thing I mean to introduce the podcast first that's introducing properly Sherwood Carl you do know we'll do the intros and go for it. Hello everybody and welcome to Low of the Tone podcast with Patrick Draper and John Pearson talking to you about your middle aged weight loss issues. Please do write in we to Low the Tone podcast at gmail.com we'll read it. I mean most of the episodes are built up of reading out content that we've had into the email inbox. Little bits that we managed to slot in between that the rest of it's just John and me talking bollocks. Hello welcome along. Yeah welcome along that was a great interest one of the best interest we've ever had. Thank you. So my first order of business is going to be the fact that I need to I'm just scrolling back through my text messages from Kelly because I need to. There's she's been at work. Okay. Which we all know what that means. We all know that no work's been done it's just been. We all know what that means now we all know what that means so. Oh the first thing is she said Patrick wanted to make. Exercise fun. Did I did I say that? Yeah apparently at one point you said you want to make exercise fun. Okay that sounds like the type of thing that I would want to happen. So yeah as she said what you need to do is you need to get him on the Wii Fit game doing the hula hooping thing. Oh interesting interesting yeah so I've just got an Nintendo switch sort of piped into the TV in the shed. So do I need to get is we that we's a different console isn't it is there. Yeah we're still a Nintendo console must be something on the switch that's going to be fit like switch fit or something I'm assuming. Yeah there is there is I'll not go lie I've spent an incredible amount of time playing GoldenEye. GoldenEye have you? Yeah that's incredible. I know I know. That's I we used to play the GoldenEye the end 64 now I remember this my mom and dad went on holiday and left me in charge of the house. I was 17 years old on my own in the house Claire was at my sister's at university I was left in charge at 6th form to the house. My friend brought round there 64 we plugged into my mom's big my mom and dad's big telly in the living room. Yeah and played like eight person fucking GoldenEye. One shot kills golden gun. Golden gun. It was incredible. Well you can relive those glory days around here John. Can't wait. I don't know I'm coming around. I mean I don't know the patrons go in if you've managed to sort of save up enough for a switch yet. I guess it has really discussed the other night. It's sort of bad timing for you to go start buying sort of gaming consoles isn't it I guess. Yeah it's kind of would be frowned upon. Wouldn't it if I've a but my my my unborn daughter would be extremely disappointed. The fact of why haven't I got any clothes father should up watch me play GoldenEye with Patrick on the switch. If you're if you're listening to this and are the owner of a large multinational corporation and you want to book some corporate comedy think about John Pearson here and sort of repaying back in games consoles and other things that he won't be allowed to buy. So because he's got to be all responsible now and you should be all responsible. But if someone gives you an intended switch as. Yeah someone gives away. If I'm gifted it. If I'm gifted it then. It's ridiculous not to make use of it. Yeah exactly. It'd be rude to not use it. Other thing that I need to also there's an amendment to episode eight. Is this so far back Kelly is on the episodes by the way. Does any work get any work get done at her place is it. I don't know when Patrick asked what you had from the chippy on the second chippy day. You said you just had chips. Did I did I call it out because it sounds unbelievable. No you you didn't call it out at all. You just you left it that she said you made absolutely no mention the three slices of bread and butter you had. Fabulous. Fabulous. Yeah. And I was like of course no I didn't mention that. And I said how do you remember I had three slices. Because I remember this you said because I remember thinking when me and Poppy have it. I normally do two each and I thought John's going to want a third bit of bread. She's an earbler. Yeah. She's the feeder. You're going to find yourself a five six hundred pound life at some point John. I know it's going to happen. There's another one as well because she basically told me. Oh yeah there was one there that I can't really read out. She basically said. Okay that's not what I want to hear more than any of the others. But yeah. Yeah exactly. But then the message to that says just put I've started episode eight of the podcast. The lies have already begun. I'm going to start making a tally of all the lies that you make. So now Kelly is now proofreading and proof saying what I'm saying on the podcast. Yeah but I mean in fairness John and this is to your credit. You don't have to read them out because you're the only person that she tells about the lies. You already know that they're lies. So he's like. Yeah but then she'll hear this and I kind of feel like I need to set the record straight Patrick. Right okay. Okay. Yes I did miss out. I did miss out the fact that I said I had three slices of bread with that chippy. That's fine. I did miss out. But not on purpose. I wasn't missing out. I was just admitted to the fact that I had a chippy tea on the Wednesday and a chippy tea on the Thursday. Why would I think that I was going to make this lie better by saying I'm going to leave the bread and butter out. That's going to make me seem like a much better person. I am. I'm not disappointed in myself that I didn't call you out for saying that you just have chips from the chippy. Yeah well well that's brought on to well that was it. That's made up of amendments to the old. We'll get more for next week which is to episode nine and ten. Yeah I mean I'm not going to go. We're not going to go back going correct the. No I'm not editing it. Erata in those previous episodes. No. But I'll use it as we go forward we'll use it as I'm going to be nice. Patrick I'm going to use it as content to fill the time that we have when we're not talking about weight loss on here. I quite like the fact that she's just picked out two items as being like bullshit when really for me as I'm editing it. Most of it is just nonsense and bullshit so why should you pick out these two things that. Sorry that there was the bread and what was the other thing. The bread and I know the other one wasn't amendment it was just the fact that it was a although there was another one but I can't read that one out. Oh okay. The other one is that I did that I said about. Oh no about you wanting to exercise. Oh yes that's right. Be fun. We'll use it. Oh she also did mention as well this was in the car on the way back from work. She mentioned today that I said I was a little sounded quite upset when I said no one ever picks me up any more. But people don't pick me up. We'll talk about that. It's like a sort of a desert. Yeah we're talking about the Atlas stones and then she pointed out that I do when we go swimming she sometimes occasionally does hold me like a baby in the swimming pool but I do have to be completely submerged. Are you one of those is that your thing. I mean you know he's fine. I mean maybe this could be a sexual fetish podcast. Hold me like a baby. That's what I like. That's what I please. Previously that's a big man to dress up as wet nurses to sort of hold me up. Believe it. Well I didn't rather cause we have girlfriend in the swimming pool. Fabulous. Fabulous. Well this is, we're finding out a lot about you John. Yeah well this is the idea of this podcast is it not. I guess we need to find something. If it wasn't for Kelly being pregnant I think we'd struggle for any health content whatsoever that's been a power. So if we're not covering your mental health and your compulsive lie isn't that. Well we've had that. We've had a midwife's appointment today. We've been to that today and that's all gone fine. That's all absolutely great. Okay. She just needs to increase her iron basically so she's just down the pub now drinking 15 parts of Guinness. Guinness and Bondville chocolate isn't it. That dark chocolate that does it. Is it Bondville chocolate? I've got a lot of iron in it. We were told by the midwife dry apricots for some reason to help you create a lot of iron. I tell you what. You have dried apricots or choose between dried apricots or Guinness and dark chocolate. I know which one I'd go for personally. Yeah. You're massive apricot fan aren't you? Massive apricots. I often see you just munching down apricots. Secret apricot eater gets any one fans out. Oh yeah. I love my apricots. In fact, you're eating them now. I have a box. I've got a box next to you. I've just dried apricots. I've got them. When did you buy that? My dad gives them from the Mars shop because... Oh shit. I've just been ramming my dad's ass. I sent them into the Mars shop. I didn't pick anything up. They didn't get you anything. Well, they probably had but I came back to record this and the left and caught up a bit of a rush. They've probably got some stuff back there. They'd be gone by next week when I go around again. Oh right, okay. They're very tired aren't they? They'll do nothing just... Yeah, I'll just find two very... Boxes of chocolate. I'll just get around on Monday and find two very fat pensioners there. They've eaten through 48 twixes each. Very few things have happened to me this week. I've been hitting the first by football yesterday. Did you? Did you? I know. I wish that I'd have seen it because it felt as though... Do you know what... My nose was stinging and my glasses had flown off. My glasses are broken. I think the headphones are holding them in place at the minute. I probably shouldn't have been playing football with glasses. Probably shouldn't have been playing football. Truth be known, but there you go. And yeah, it clattered me in the face. The glasses are off. That's the first time in... It must be well over a decade that I've been hitting the nose by anything. I've done anything that warrants being hitting the nose. It's really quite painful. It is, but you feel like you know swells really instantly. You feel like all your nostrils are like... I thought it was going to start bleeding. My glasses are broken. I felt foolish. You know, it was just one of them. Did anyone see that? What were you doing? What were you playing with the suns? Or were you just on your own? What was going on? Playing with some youths down the end of the street? So, me and William were just... All the footballs are flat. We've got loads of footballs. We don't throw them away because the flat was just thinking, "Oh yeah, we'll pump them up." But then you come to pump them up. And they never pump up as well as you think they should. So I just bought one off Amazon and it turned up. So I sort of call this girl for a little kick around. William's not been massively interested in football. He's played a little bit at school with his mates and that, but then he's just joined a team. So, yeah, we've bought a ball. So we'll just nip across and practice and do some passing oil here. And he kicked it to me quite hard, but it was rolling along the ground. So I'm the architect of what happened. I stuck my foot out of my turda thinking when it flips up, then it's like up in the air. Then I either head it or I can kick it while it's open. It'll look quite cool. It just flew off my foot and just clattered immediately into my face. How many people around to witness this? Just William, or was those people? There was only him as far as another. There might have been some dog walkers across the other side of the field. I don't think they saw. And of course, our dog was there to witness it. Oh, of course, yeah, your dog was there to witness it. Because it was probably just laughing. Was your dog there to witness it? Was it just chasing someone else's ball at the time? Even though you had your own ball with you. He was quite happy. He just sort of looked at me. He's got a way. Dogs have got a way of looking deep. He's got a way of looking deep. He's got a way of looking deep into your soul. They just look at you like you're. I wonder what they're thinking. I'd love to know what a dog's thinking. That would be amazing to know that. Well, I always love about any of these stories. I like the idea of there's somebody that's got what just happened to you as a story when they get home. Yes. You know what I mean? That's a dog walker. It's going to get him a go. You never guess what I saw. You never guess what I saw today. This guy was at the park. He's playing with his son. Maybe he's grandson. Don't know. And he tried to look clever and flick the ball up, smacked him straight to the face. His glasses are off. He looked like he was in a right mess. Yeah. It was awful. I was surprised my nose wasn't bleeding. It felt like it should have been. Well, you know, it's all quite sensitive. It always feels like it's broken when it's not. It feels it's a horrible place to get hit. That's why it's there, I think. It's not right. It's there. It's there. It's there to stop footballs. Yeah. It sticks out in the middle of your face. Why put something painful and sensitive right there? Yeah. How about that? Why would you do that? I don't know. Maybe it's to stop you walking too hard into walls. We'll never know. But anyway, so that was a thing that happened to me. That's it. Is that your weekend? I went to watch football, but I don't want to mention the team because I don't want to sort of scare off any of our three listeners because they're not a very popular team. And I did a tip for a Santa commercial today. Oh, did you? The old one. We're a Fanta commercial. Santa. Not a Fanta. Oh, Santa. I've got an audition for A, and this is where it's been putting my audition. I've got to do it Wednesday for a supermarket Christmas advert. Oh, right. Okay. Nice. It doesn't tell me which one. It doesn't tell me which one at this point. I think it'll tell me once I get it to think it will do it. Well, if I get it. Oh, it's an India. Yeah. Okay, we've just broken the India by even saying that you probably haven't of you. No, I've not said it. Well, no, I don't know who it's for. So I've got no idea who it's for. So it's just a, yeah, I've got a supermarket. It's an only audition as well. Audition for a supermarket Christmas advert. Good luck. I've got a Patrick. I ought to play a dad of zero to 10 year olds who is impressed by some sort of food that gets delivered to a table. If I've not been typecast. Yeah. John, you just went to look impressed by it. Not eat it every time it comes to you. Yeah. John, stop it. What do you mean? Why does this audition take you five hours? I had to cook the Sunday roast four times. Take four. You're just putting this coming out. Take 47. We're going to need some more chips and bread. Get the bread in the bottom. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, good luck. Good luck. Good luck with the good luck with the Santa one. What's the Santa one for? I don't fancy my chances. Oh, okay. So here's how it panned out. The, um, the, the, the, someone was going to, it was, it was already planned in for in-person things today. Right. And, um, one actor couldn't make it. So they came back and they said, well, if he's not coming, can we see him or him? And I was the one on the one. So it obviously been put, I must have been put forward being a white beaded man. Um, so it didn't get picked up the first one. And they said, you can either do a self tip or cut a London. Right. Well, I'm not driving down to London as a second choice, just so they've got more people to look at. So I find I'll just do it. I'll do it on the tip and I'll give it my best shot. And, um, yeah, it was for a foreign brand. Nice. A foreign brand. So filming is in Norway. Oh, nice. In a couple of weeks. So fingers crossed. Yeah. Fingers crossed. Getting our strips in Norway. Fingers crossed. Yeah. Nice troops in Norway. Um, she, she, she'll say to me, uh, when I was telling her, she was all about that. That'd be nice. Getting a nice little holiday. So I said to her, all right. Acting work is a little holiday is it. And then she was quick to correct herself. And she says, no, no, it's very hard work. Yeah. I thought so. Yeah. This is shell who says, at least she does a proper job. Yeah. As I would say, this is shell with a proper job. A proper job, which is just going on. Proper job, which is. You pretend to have a nice little holiday. That's right. Yeah. Upset Robert Lindsay. And then, uh, yeah. And I can have a nice little holiday on it. Oh, I'm lucky. That's been such a tough, tough day's work. Oh, God. It's so hard. I need to lie down. Can you, like, do it? Yeah. All that business. Yeah. Hopefully I do. It'll be nice to go to Norway again. Um, but yeah. I'm not. I'm not holding my breath. I mean, I would hear it for anything to get in the way of the podcast recording for that particular one. I would still do one. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what? Yeah. We could have a multi, um, I would work with it because the town. National because the town difference. Well, no, it's still work. All right. Yeah. Anyway, God, what was you going to say? That's the last time I went to Norway. I got stuck there. Did you? Go on? Yeah. Do you remember when the beast from the East was a thing? Remember the beast from the East? Yeah. What was that? 2018-19? Yeah. It's like a super, it's like a super snow cloud or whatever it was. Yeah. That happened. I was in Norway doing gigs. And then the next day on my flight out with Ryanair, the beast from the East came and enclosed all airports in the UK for a long while. Well, I didn't. I saw a good. Yeah. No, for like, it was like 12 hours it was closed for, but when you with Ryanair, don't know if you've known this, but if you, if you missed, if your flights canceled or delayed or whatever, it was canceled. My flight was canceled. Their policy is that they just need to get you on another flight within four or five days, not within so many hours. Oh, really? So I went to Ryanair and I was like, can I get a flight back out? And they were like, yeah, we might be able to get you on one on Wednesday. And this was Sunday. And I was like, I can't stay in Oslo for another three days. You know how fucking expensive it is to eat here. It's really, it's really expensive in Norway. Yeah. So I ended up spending my entire fee for the gig on getting back on the next flight, which was going into it. So I was, I was, my car was parked at Stanstead. Yeah. I flew into Heathrow, yeah, because that's the only one that was open first. So I came on SAS airlines, which was Scandinavian air services or whatever, not SAS, it would have been the crazy. Don't be mental. Yeah. Go up, sell down into the airport. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just going to pick it up and we'll take you back home. So I had to get from Heathrow and then I had to go all the way around London, get to Stanstead, get my car drive back. I got back at like, I got back on Monday at like a half past two in the afternoon and I've been in the airport since like a half past morning in the morning or something on the Sunday. That's it with the budget airlines into it. How on earth are you supposed to, well, he's buying until shit starts going wrong, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. It was just all fell apart. They didn't know what they were doing. It was just chaos. So yeah, anyway, it was good fun. I enjoyed doing the gigs over there, but it is expensive anyway. We went to Norway the beginning of last year, stayed in a tiny little hut, which it had no showering facilities because they were solar powered and the sun didn't come up when we were there. We were at the very north, it was like inside the Arctic Circle and we did see some northern light action and we saw a massive, we saw a reindeer. We stayed in this. It was out by the city. It was incredible. It was an incredible trip. What a lovely place. I'd totally love to go back, like genuinely not even taking the piss. What a beautiful country. It's incredible. It's an incredible country. Like, when we were there, you find out so much, I mean, I didn't realise how, it's not a very big country. It is quite a big country, but it's also just, it's just separated by the fact that roads just have to go in such a crazy way that to get to Oslo from places, it's like ridiculous. Yeah. Like the people that were the gig that we were at were like, yeah, we've driven like four hours to get here. It's like, well, why? Because there's nothing round by us and it just takes us that long to get here. But also, they close all off licenses at like nine o'clock at night. You can't buy beer other than a pub after nine o'clock at night. Right. What? Do it. I'm just to keep the drinking down. Is it quite, do they get a lot of suicides there because they're like a sunlight? I think probably, yeah, it probably is. It's definitely a government-led thing. This whole shutting like off licenses down and only being licensed until 11 o'clock in pubs and things like that. Yeah. I can't remember. So we did go drinking, but we couldn't afford to stay out drinking too long because it was really expensive. No. It was about, oh, we were doing it. We did the gig. There's got me in Danny Ward, we're doing the gig and we, I remember, as both deciding we were going to say, because it was all to expats and it was people that had money, basically. We were doing gigs to people that had money. So we just basically said, we can't, at the end of our cell, I was like, I can't afford a drink here. So if anyone wants to buy me a drink, that would be great. And then when the time I got back to my chair, there was a bucket of beer, bottles of shoved in it that really, crowd had a whip round for us all the way, yeah, it just kept us going for the rest of the night. But it was, oh, it was expensive. It was like, probably about eight or nine quid for like a half a Heineken. The Norwegian equivalent of a bucket of speech, a literal bucket full of beer. Please give us a literal bucket full of, please give me, well, well, Danny Ward still does this bit in his set. We were so skint and sat, we both sat on a bench in Oslo, having just looked at how much it was to get whatever their equivalent to McDonald's is, there was like a burger shop, whatever it was, having looked at the prices and I can't afford to get that. We would need to get back a pigeon flew towards us and then sat in front of us. Caught it in it. And no, and that pigeon flicked the chip at us. So the pigeon tried to feed us with food and so sad. That's how, as soon as we were, an actual pigeon went, they looked worse off than me. There you go. That's up, up this chip. Pigeons are better off than you. I did the, the canal house on, um, Wednesday. Did you have to do the bucket of speech for that one? Yeah, I did the bucket of speech for that, but some people really didn't want to give into the bucket. Mate, I'll do that same, I'll do what I do, you know I do it once a month. My bucket of speech has become, I'm going to be at the door, if you don't give anything, I'm going to beat you down the stairs. Not taking no shit anymore. Do you know what I mean? I've had that where I've not said anything and I've just been like, "Oh, thanks. Don't worry guys, just thank you for coming." And then you look in the bucket, you've got 32 pounds in there and you've been there all night yourself. You at least want to cover petrol and car parking. We had, um, we had a couple of really generous people that sort of bumped it up. One guy dropped a tenner in. He had a great time. Yeah. He loved it. But you know what other people just walked out and just looked at me. Just looked at it. It's quite, it's quite student-y though, isn't it? So it's kind of like, it is, it is two pound in. So people just expect that, "Oh, I've paid now." And then you do this bucket of speech at the end and they're like, "Oh, I've already paid for this." Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It should be free. Well, yeah. Yeah. There is a touch of that. And I don't know what I would do. I try and put myself in that position. I would do anything to get out of, but I'd be looking for other exits where there wasn't the split of the book. Oh, yeah. Yeah. My people are always like, "Oh, there's a bucket and then also there's a card reader." And that just throws everyone off. I ended up inadvertently bullying people to put money in it, but I didn't mean to because I was, I was stood at the door holding the bucket and doing like six or seven people in, sadly, but I was still there holding the bucket and I thought, "Oh, I don't want to stand here holding the bucket anymore." So I just went up to this group, I said, "Ah, guys, no pressure, but are you going to put anything in the bucket? Because if you're not, I can put it down. You don't have to." And they always say, "Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Yeah. That's what I do. Anyway, they did. I think that probably popped it up a little bit as well. Give us a call. Good. Good. That's what I need to do. Well, bully people into it. Yeah, bully people into it. That's what you need to do. Are those people going to come back there? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. How do you forget? Listeners, what do you feel about, about paying into a, about a bucket? I mean, let's call it. But if you've already paid for the night, so if you've already paid two pounds to go to the night, would you then be willing to donate to the bucket at the end? Yeah. Or if you've not paid for something and then, and then had the enjoyment of it for free and then maybe we're encouraged to pay for afterwards, let's call it, I don't know, a Patreon for, for, I don't know, a podcast. And then maybe that could- I don't know. Maybe one of the hosts wants to buy Nintendo Switch. Yeah. Or some shit like that. Just a plug. Or he's got to, or he's got a baby on the way. Or, or he's had three babies already, and then they're costing him more money because they eat more than John. And I would like to, I would like to finally retire. They eat more than John. It's incredible. Are they having four bits of bread and butter with their chips? Is that what they're having? Tell me about to do. And this is so tragic. This is so tragic. I've taken to, if I want something, and it's not necessarily refrigerated goods, I'll have it in my car. I'll just pop it in my car and then I know I've got it, but if I want to have it- Also you've got like bags of crisps and like- I don't have crisps in there. I've got like sort of candidate cook and sort of stuff like that. And occasionally around the fridge, I've hidden, do you know those little, and I can't see the point of them, they're little pots of Acti-Mell, little yogurts. Yeah. They just think like, yeah, a yogurt is like, you know, seven or eight spoonfuls or whatever. And it lasts, doesn't it? But they're Acti-Mells. Seven or eight spoonfuls really. What size of yogurts are you buying? I don't know. I'm just, I just took a guess at seven or eight spoon. It depends on the size. When was it? Last time you ate a yogurt. I didn't count the spoonfuls when I did, so it just, that's when it was, it could have been yesterday. No, it didn't. How many spoonfuls? Seven or eight spoonfuls in here. That's a big yogurt. That's like a, that's like a top of yogurt. Not a yogurt. Sorry. I'm using a teaspoon to eat my yogurts. What are you using? A T-SMI. What, for seven or eight spoonfuls, and that's a big yogurt. Yeah. You must be using them big ones that you use for like desserts. That's what I mean. I think that's what you're using. No. I'm using the little ones. Yeah. But how big are your spoons? Because they're only like this size. Like one spoon. I reckon I'm a quarter of the way, way down a yogurt. But you must be using massive spoons to be, four spoonfuls in a yogurt. I'm going to have, yeah. So the yogurts we've got in the fridge, if there's still any left, which let's be right, is a fanciful notion by now, given that they were there on Saturday. Yeah. They've gone. They've been gone ages. They've been stripped for parts by now, Patrick. They've been gone. There might be one. There might be one. One might have fallen down behind the lettuce, and which case is probably fairly safe. I'll have a look, and I'll eat it, and I'll count the spoonfuls. But... Can you film it? Film it, and film only spoonfuls it is. Yeah. I don't like people watching me. Much less sort of film it. Yeah. But I'll count them. Oh, okay. I'll count them. Oh, okay. I've made me skip outside the other day, but I won't call myself eating a yogurt. I was just going to come to that. But that was your forfeit, that you decided you were going to do, and then never did. Oh, no, I know, I know, I know. I didn't demand to film it, although I've still got it. No. I've not watched it back since. What was that? Friday. That was Friday, wasn't it? That was on Friday, yeah. I'll get it ready this week. We'll have it... We'll have it ready for a listing. So everyone listening, John promising on, well, we should ask our fact checker Kelly. Can you at work? Please let me know what episode it was that John promised that he'd do skipping and then didn't. It was at least a month ago, if not more, then, yeah, John, finally, we're gigging together in the wonderful little Chesterfield Village of Clown. Yeah. I say wonderful with a small W, and I'm stretching the imagination a little bit, but the little village... It was fine. We had fun. We had fun. The gig was fun. You opened, I did an hour. It was fun. And then you said to me before I'd left, I've had an idea, and I said, I think I know exactly the same idea. And it was like, bring the skipping rope basis, what you said. Yeah. So I did. I brought it. It was on my passenger seat. And then we were leaving. We were leaving to go to the gig and I just opened the car door and then started skipping in the middle of the road for you. Oh, that was brilliant. As I was pulling away, because I'd spent a minute or so just getting the phone hooked up and sort of picking music to listen to for the way home and plugging my address in. And then there's jump, skipping in the road, illuminated by my headlight, so it's a... The weirdest... The weirdest dogging that's ever happened. You were shit at skipping. That's... Carve. You were shit at... You couldn't get more... Well, we'll see on the video. My recollections, you couldn't get more than four jumps without needing to restart. I was doing it in the dark. Yeah. I'm sure it's just a... In trainers that I've never skipped in. Wearing jeans. Yeah. Wearing jeans in a shirt, just got out of the car, just on the gig for an hour. Okay, I admit it probably wasn't the greatest time to try and do it, but at least I've done it now. Sorry. I don't know if that's going to end it out. Yes, at least you've done it now. Well done, Joe. The support out of this is all the way through my epic speech there about how I've finally done the thing that he's asked me to do. I've tried my hardest, really tried for him, did it for him. Patrick was quite happily coughing and burping all the way through it and then wasn't listening to what I was saying. I did listen to it. Whatever. Fuck off. Next subject. You were bleating on about doing the thing that you've waited, it must be eight or ten weeks to do. What's basically happened? You've had time to practice. No. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Time to practice. And you were shit at it. That's the first time. What's basically happened here is, what's basically happened here is I've done the forfeit and all you've done is come here and say how shit I am or something. So thank you very much for the absolute boost in confidence, Patrick Draper. After all the time, after that time, that I took one on the chin and started eating more because you were so sad about the fact that I was beating you every week and you'd come on here and give me this fucking, you were shit at what you were doing. Well, when the video comes out, I think my comments will be exonerated because you were in. Because I don't think, I mean, right now, listening to this, anyone who's not seen the video would be feeling perhaps some sympathy for you, but when they watch it, what the fuck is going on? I mean, if there's anything to go by with your editing skills and the fact that you edit things and get things out, no one's ever going to see this fucking video. There is a good point, yeah. Yeah, it will happen. It will be a little surprise Easter egg. I don't know. Just try. Once we've finished this podcast by about three years, you're going to go, oh yeah, that's a video. John's skipping. I'm going to post that on Twitter. Once about John, either an Nintendo Switch, or a Pramp, or Cott, or then... Oh, got a Pramp. We've got a Pramp today. Well, if you're really a new Pramp. Yeah, we're not new, not new. We've got it... Kelly... Wait, it's kind of new. I think it's not very well used. Kelly's dad and her stepmom have bought it for us. So they bought us a Pramp. Ah, lovely. That's very nice. Yeah. Because they ain't a cheap item, are they, a Pramp? No, they're not. So we've got a Pramp. It comes with a car seat and all that sort of gobins that sort of... Yeah. I've still haven't put it up yet. I still can't work out exactly how to get it up. Sure. Tune in next week for more of the same spot. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Is it what? Do you have to build it? Is it like flat pack? No, it's not build, but it's like, there must be a clip somewhere. It's like, oh, I can roll it, but the, the front bit is not, it's not flipped over. OK. Where the baby will sit. I don't understand. That's down like that. OK. Yeah. OK. There must be, there must be a clip, there must be a clip or a button somewhere that allows this to happen. You've got a while. I mean, yeah, you've got a while to work. Yeah. I can work it out. The Kelly was stressing over early. We got it and we brought it back to him. I don't know how to do this, but look, we've got to go and pick Poppy up from school and, you know, we've got, we've got enough time to work out. Don't need it. That until February. Yeah. At some point in January, shit, where's that pram? Shit. How do we get this up? Oh, fuck. Same problem. But yeah, we've got pram, pram's done. So we don't need a pram, but anything else. Mum's mum's going to start knitting. She's already just going to start knitting. So we're getting some cardigans done. Bro, that's lovely, man. Do you have any knitted goods from your mum scarves or got a scarf from my mum? When I when I said to her, one, this was about two, two winters ago, I said, mum, I'm getting really annoyed because I'm a big guy. Let's be honest, big guy, six foot six, a bit heavy set, got a big neck. Do you know what I mean? I can't get one scar, a scarf is not one size fits all. Heavy set, got a big neck. There's things you don't see on the Tinder profile. I know. So, so that one scarves aren't one size fits all because every time I wear a scarf, it's like I can only like I can't do the wrap around, make it look nice. Do you know what I mean? Because it's not long enough. Barely goes round just the ones you just. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So mum, mum knitted me a scarf and it is the fucking biggest thing. Extra long, actually overcompensated. Yeah, she's overcompensated. I can't wear it. That's too big. A lot of doctor, who? It's incredibly long. It's like, I think it's, it's taller than me. Like it would go from this room, ceiling to ceiling to floor with easily ease. It's bigger than me. Did you not give her the dimensions that you were looking for? No, no, I told you I just made it really long. I think she just kept going until she ran out of wall. Yeah. Well, I need it, mum, I need it to be fucking massive, right? You are. Yeah, exactly. But you know what? I actually do wearing it. It's fine. It's good because it's a big long fucking great big scarf. It's amazing. Scarves are quite an addictive item. I'm a clothing. Once you've started wearing a scarf, I find it's like during winter, you're like, oh, yeah, I'll just pop a scarf on. And then, oh, yeah, it's like quite, quite competitive. Quite good. You can tell, you can tell your old time. I can. I'm going to, I'm going to pop a scarf on, pop a cap on, honestly. You love a cap. You love a cap in the winter, you do, don't you? Yeah. Yeah. I do like a cap, although admittedly, I've come back from a bus cut. I mean, I used to have a bus cut. And now I sort of, I'd say a pounced back the hair growth is patchy at best. So it is, I decided I'll grow a little bit on top because it makes a massive difference, even though what to eat. Yeah. Are you huge? Like in ways, yeah, yeah, just like a hat is becomes necessary. Like a hundred percent necessary to go with that. When I see bald men out in winter without a hat, it's like, oh, you're there, you're coping with it. And when the time comes, and let's be right, I think I'm nearly there now. I'm going to go proper, come over. Oh, yeah. Full Bobby Charlton. Yeah. Like the old Donald Trump, he's got it. You know, I mean, and he's doing all right, and he's got pots of cash. Is, you know, is the president almost, isn't he? Yeah. Also, also, also, always getting shot at as well. Yeah. Well, he's a slightly unsettling character, isn't he? A bit of a ball to just, you can't wait for you to have a comb over. As soon as you've got a comb over, I want to do gigs with you a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? Why? Why? Why would you want to do that? Just because I want to introduce you, I want to introduce you on to stage with your comb over and then talk about it afterwards. What, with the audience? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I ask him, ask him if they think it was real or not. I want to do a bad comb over, like a deliberate, like a deliberately, have it 75% of an effective comb over. That was a guy. Well, this makes me sound really old. But when I was playing, when I played indoor bowls, when I played indoor outdoor bowls, I was quite an old man sport. There was a guy that was, I think he was president of England, bowls indoors or something like that. I can't remember his name, but his comb over started from his sideboards. Like, it was, his beard was so long. He was combing it over his head. Incredible. I'm not having that. I mean, I've seen them start from just above people's ears, but not for these. Oh, it was here. Honestly, it was from here and it went over. It was incredible. Like, honestly, I need to find some pictures of him. It was glorious. Please do, please do. Everyone, please keep your photos of, well, say, keep you forward. Photos of comeovers. Start off with photos of comeovers coming into the email inbox. Yeah, post it on the Instagram post on the Facebook, do whatever you want. Get some combovers. A hobby of mine right now, John, is to think of topics for people not to write in about. Yeah, I've noticed, I've noticed during this episode, that's exactly what you've done. You just try to encourage some activity in there. But I think a comb over, when it's done really, really well, right, looks, looks really good. From some angles, it looks like so. It doesn't. It does, but on it takes is the slightest gust of wind. Oh, yeah, it's all over. Yeah, the subterfuge is gone, the gigs up. Yeah, people will notice straight away that you just, that's it, it's done. Yeah, you immediately see behind the magician's cloth. All right, there's nothing to this at all. It's game over. Yeah, it's all, it's all just smoke and mirrors. It's all everything's all series of polys and levers to keep this off. It's like, it's like the Wizard of Oz, isn't it? The up of the curtains and there he is. Oh, no, the great Oz we've exposed him. I've not weighed myself. That was a great one that, by the way. I know, I've been really, I have weighed myself by trick. OK, well, let's talk about that. Well done, John. Thanks. Do you know why? Because you, because I believe in this podcast. Well, last week, you said that last week, you was overeating on cupcakes and then doing some sort of diarrhea-based bulimia every, every, every night. I wanted to get rid of it. And you'd lost four pounds through what is essentially an eating disorder. I don't know, that's the type of thing you want to promote. Is that the brand? No, so what's happened this week, Patrick? Let me tell you, let me talk you through this. So what's happened this week is a big decision made within the household, well, the two households at the moment, but within the house of the men, Kelly. We've cut out bread. Oh, that's massive. We've gone breadless. OK, OK, well, any bread product. Yeah, well, I've had wraps. Is that bread? Tortilla, don't know, don't know whether it is or not. Difficult subject, got wheat in it. So we're undecided. Has that been in front of the John Kelly committee? Are you just, is that you? We've kind of discussed it. Kelly's kind of said, yeah, right. You can have, I've had two wraps, but it's about two wraps in a week. Bread's gone. So I'm on day four, I think now of no bread, basically. How do you feel that? I bet that's a massive impact, hasn't it? Yeah, I've hated it, but also loved it in equal measure. Now, what I would say is, and this is the first way we're going to get to a part of actual health and fitness in this podcast, I am so much less bloated than I've ever been. Right. I don't think I've ever cut bread out before. Well, you're 42 years on this earth. Yeah, don't think I've ever gone this long without having bread. And it has made a massive difference in my body shape. So I've noticed now my stomach is not as distended as it used to be. Well, well, these two sets are fitting by. OK, so did you weigh yourself? Let's start making some notes, John. Have you got your, do you know what as well? Kelly has just met a message to be saying, how's it going? And I'm going to show, I'll go if you can see the text or not. Have you discussed bread-related body deflation? Oh, wow, what's that? Bread-related body deflation, BRBD. I mean, it's because the BRBD. BRBD, yeah, exactly. So she literally just messaged me that now and saying, how's it going? If you discuss the body, because she noticed it today, I literally like, I put some jogging bottoms on. I was like, oh, these jogging bottoms are falling off. And she went, that's because your stomach's a lot of flatter now. And she even, she noticed that my stomach was a lot of flatter. Well, well, that's great. So you should be sort of losing pounds. Yes, well, this is this is I've not weighed myself away myself on Saturday. Yeah. So this is now what Monday? So I haven't weighed myself since Saturday. OK, we haven't been doing the way. But on Saturday, I'd lost, I'd already lost three pounds. Well, just from one day of giving up bread. Well, over that week, I'd lost. OK, I was just going to say, you sure you wouldn't have eaten three pounds of bread that day. I can't imagine, but yeah, I've lost three pounds. Are you doing exercise? Well, I'm doing the normal of sort of exercise that I was doing before. OK. I'm eating healthy, though. So when you cut bread out, that cuts out things like McDonald's. Right. So there's nothing. So so you can't have a good say. Yeah. So by just by eating, that's why people have said that. Just by cutting bread out, you've lost so much weight. No, because it makes you think about every single thing you're going to have to eat. Right in bread out. I like it, John. Because I'm no longer like going, oh, what should I have for my lunch? I'll just have a sandwich. It's like, oh, I'm going to have to cook myself something. So I'm going to have some pasta with some sauce. But pasta is as bad as bread, though, isn't it? I don't know. It doesn't seem to be, Patrick. I'm going to be honest. Yeah. I don't remember once I had a pasta sandwich. I can't think of any more. Listen. Well, as you see, this is the thing we did discuss this before. Because there was a time when I was having super noodle sandwiches. With a potato salad side dish. I've done that. I've done it all fully carved up. Yeah. Well, well done. You know, that's good. That sounds like positive action. Because I've had some, like, quite-- and I knew it at the time when I was doing it that I've really sort of slipped back since the holiday. I've not got back into where I was before. Well, on Saturday, I went with William to the football. And William's like an odd eater, right? He'll eat a pie, but he'll just eat the pie bit. So OK. So what have the crust? And I think the crust is one of the nicest bits of a pie. Yeah, I think so as well. Well, that same as Kelly and Poppy. They're bad-- they're bad against that sort of stuff. They're so against crusts and the dry bits of things, like they will eat the filling and save that light. For bread for them, like, I mean, it's not so odd for some people. But they cut the crust off. Bread to eat it. Yeah. I will eat the crust. Do you know what I mean? I'll eat the end bit of a piece of bread to me is with loads of butter on it. I can't think of anything better. Yeah, but that's like bad, isn't it? In terms of just bad, there's like a lot of bad carbs, calories, whatever. I don't know what the right word is. It's not a health pod to ask this. But so, yeah, no. He didn't finish his crust. Right. So yeah, in the inner of the pie, yes. How's he doing that? He's having to use-- A little fork? Yeah, I have to do that. Yeah, just a little fork. You can't eat that like a normal-- Because that's sometimes a pie at the football, you can eat it like a sandwich. If you're eating all of it, then yeah, you could, yeah. So he said, do you want the crust? And I naturally thought about it. Had it. And I said, yes, I'm having that. I had it. And it was dead night. I didn't regret a moment of it. And then we went from there to-- it was like a community up and day thing that was going on with the barbecue. So we went there and bread that, yes, yeah. They knew I was going and had saved me burgers and a tray full of chips. So we leave on some. I had a burger and some chips, and then we went home. I can't remember what I had for dinner, but I had that as well. [LAUGHTER] Yes, didn't leave it all in it. And I did the shopping, so I bought a big loaf of tiger bread, but I think you're right, because I've been eating quite a bit of that. And a tube of bringles, which I've just been grazing on every time I pass it, I have two or three bringles. So that lasts the weekend, but it's pretty much me that does all the eating of it. So it's not great. What I've done is with the bread and Kelly's on this as well, because she's off the bread as well. We basically replaced it with cereal. OK, which-- So I'm having-- A term of cereal. Not a lot. I love some wheaty-- well, the wheat, whatever's, but basically shreddies, but the looking supermarket, own brand one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or one of the best things that we've found-- and this is an elite. The human tried this, Patrick. We've never tried it before. Elite cereal. So they're made by a wheaty bicks. Do you know how wheaty bicks make oaty bicks as well? I don't think I've tried oaty bicks, but go on. But they've also got oaty flakes. Nutty oaty flakes is an absolute elite cereal. It's on the level of-- Can't be crunching up-- crunching up clusters with chocolate. Just going to say crunching up clusters here. But it's also, I feel, slightly healthier. They have got lots of sugars in, aren't they, your cereals? I don't know if they have. I don't know if-- but they're-- again, I don't know. But what I'm doing is a base of replace bread. Last night, I got back from a gig in Gloucester. So I did a gig in Gloucester. And I had some pasta before. I left about three o'clock. Left at four. Did-- got to the gig about half six. Did the gig. Left the gig at half nine. Was hungry. But drove home. Got home. Had a bowl of cereal. Now, did you-- Callows a vegan, isn't she? So are you having the vegan? Oh, yeah. That's another-- oh, God. That's another thing I need to talk about. She's not a vegan. She wants to be the bottom. Very much say she's not a vegan. Because that is a lifestyle. All right. It's a lifestyle. She just is lactose intolerant and doesn't really eat meat. All right. So by just-- doesn't really eat meat is vegetarian, isn't it? But doesn't want to be associated with the lifestyle that comes with being a vegan. But is one. But is one, yeah, yeah. But it's exactly the same as one. So yeah, he said it's the same as one. But isn't a vegan? Isn't a vegan. Yeah, but does eat vegan. Right. OK. OK. So it's a bit like saying, I'm not French. I just choose to speak that language all the time. Yeah. I think it's more-- I think it's more-- yes, that is what I eat as a diet, but it is not my lifestyle. It does not define me. I think it's what we're trying to say here. All right, OK. So she doesn't want to be roped in. So she's suggesting there's a vegan stereotype that she does. Yeah. OK. That's like-- I like that because I imagine that's the type of information that would both delight and piss off a vegan at the same time, to know that I like what you do. But I don't like you enough to be associated with this. I like what you do, but I do not want to be associated with what you're doing because of the way you do it. Fabulous, fabulous, yeah. I'm not going to play on my own front. I think we're all a bit like that with veganism. We think we all sort of just go, yeah, do you know what? It's all right. It's not a bad thing. Just, you know, toning it down. Yeah, it sounds like what Scottish people do, doesn't it? Like, yeah, we don't like you English. We don't like you English. But, yeah, we'll have your money. We're just going to put our pictures on it and call it our money. But it's the same as your money. But it's got our money. You've got such an issue with Scottish people. Do you know what? Scottish people and Morrison's. If you went into a Scottish Morrison's, I think you'd explode. Is the such a thing? Very much a Yorkshire best company out there. I don't think they've got any branches up in Scotland. I think they have. But Morrison's have headed up North. I don't think there's a Morrison's in Scotland. Listeners. Again, listeners, if you know. If you work in a lot of Scottish Morrison's, I've actually found it to be delightful. And me to be the prick in this situation, please do right in to another term podcast. If you can go to a Morrison's in Scotland and find a vegan working behind the deli counter, we'd like to speak to them. I'd like to find someone who likes the vegan lifestyle but likes to eat meat and drink milk and eat eggs. They would have found Kelly's perfect opposite number. If that's you, please do right in. We want to hear from you. Oh, my God, I love you. So, well done, John. That sounds like actual genuine to sort of heap praise upon you, which you know I don't like to do. That sounds like genuine progress and really good work. If you've kept it up for nearly a week, you've broke its back mate. Who knows? Who knows what's going to come in on Saturday when I weigh myself again? Yeah, yeah, I would imagine it's done a lot of good for your stools as well. But we don't want to be talking about that during this. But on the on the Patreon, there are photos available of bread, breadstools and non-breadstools from John. If you've ever experienced breadstools and non-breadstools, please write in and send us some photos of your breadstools and pre-breadstools. Well, basically, your eyes water a lot less when you're on the lavatory these days. Going through, going through less toilet roll now, that's what it is. Less blood vessels breaking behind his eyeballs. I am less blocked up and so is the sewage system in Elmo, Breeza. I should make a commitment to sort of get back on, at least to the level that was at before, which was lackluster even then. But now we're like sub-lack-luster, whatever the right word is for that, from my perspective, and you are smashing it. So, well done you. Well, as, you know, I thought that, you know, your comment last week was that once I do the skipping, you were back on board, so. Well, that was only Friday. Skippings happened. Yeah, yeah, you're right. So, you're now back on board. From now, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, you just, you had another two great days, Grace, from the Friday night at the now, so. Four days, isn't it really, I guess, if we're being sort of specific about it? Well, it's two days, isn't it? 'Cause Friday night, I didn't do it until 11 o'clock at night. You can't really count Friday, you can't. Saturday, Sunday, and then today's Monday. So, I'd say you've had two, two in a bit, Grace. So, let's, I'm being nice to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been nice to you a lot, yeah. You've got these things like that, so fine. Yeah, so. Two cheat days, then back on Twitch, you was there, so. Yeah, which is a standard way, standard way for you to do things, wasn't it? It was always a cheat day Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday, and then come back to your diet on Monday afternoon. A hundred percent, a hundred percent. So, John, before we go back into our week of non-bred eating and back to reality, anything to plug? No, nothing, I've just got gigs, I've got the tours. I've got a Leicester gig that's coming up, which is the end of the tour, basically. I'm recording it and filming it. At the Black Horse, I can't remember what it is, it's in October at some point, I think it's the first Thursday in October. Filming it. But yeah, I'm gonna film it, yeah, I'm gonna film this one and put it on YouTube, I think. Okay, so that does feel like quite an important thing to plug, you don't have the date, though, no? I'm just finding it now, hold on. Third of all, third of October, third of October at the Black Horse in Elston. I am filming my last possible ever incarnation of what I've been up to. I'm saying that, I think it's all, I think I'm just gonna run with this gig, I think. - All right, third of October, one. The Black Horse in Elston, if you live near Leicester, or don't live near Leicester, but like driving this, John's last, I mean, he did say it was his last. One song and then sort of pulled the rug from underneath that statement, but I said, yeah, you probably keep on going with it forever. So, there is no rush. - Yeah, maybe, but this one will be this version of it. There's gonna be, the next one might be slightly different, it's different every time, but the next one will be slightly different in, I might put some extra, extra pulleys and levers in there to make it seem different. - Tickets for that, available from John's website. They're 152 pounds each, plus a booking fee, unless they're in demand, in which case they go to 350 pounds. - Yeah, oh, well, we're going for Oasis, though, we're going for Oasis style tickets. - My annoyance with Oasis is, I shouldn't even be surprised. I wanted to get tickets, but this feels like another podcast topic given at the end of this one. If you are an Oasis, please write in, say, "I am a bellend. "I am a greedy ass bellend." I want everyone's money. - If you were a ticket master, please write into our website is crashing right now.co.uk. - Well, anyway, there we go. That was, if you are listening to the podcast, you'd love to join a queue to get on to the podcast, to join another queue. Please join us at ticketmasterrodics.co.uk. - Did he try and get tickets, John? - No, I didn't. I left it well alone. I would have done it. I just felt like I've got a child on the way, I can't be spending that amount of money. I knew they were going to be in the read. They were always going to be normal for 150 quid. Do you know what I mean? I was like, and I'd need to get to when's it happening? - It's July next year. Weirdly, 150 quid is where I'd set in my head where I wanted to be, and then when William said that's what we are, I was sort of relieved and disappointed to think, oh, really, have I got to spend this money on? That's like at least 300 quid. That's like a lot of cash to burn up on tickets, but yeah, it'll be an experience, it'll be good. But then when you looked at the whole fast about how you get tickets, which felt like just another way in order to get publicity, sad little fuckers. Anyway, there we go. Good for them. I hope everyone who goes genuinely has a great time. - It's a good, it's basically a good job. - They're not Scottish, you're working at Morrison's. - Yeah, that would be, yeah, imagine that. They just imagine the carnage. - Be over, be over. Imagine if you'd had to go and queue up at Morrison's to go get your tickets in Strandra. - He's all just, by the way. I love Morrison's, and some of their home booking deals are just fabulous, and yeah, yeah, and Scottish people, jewels amongst men and women. - I can't believe you kept a straight face doing that, but okay, right, let's go. - Love you all, thanks very much for tuning in. See you next week. - Goodbye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) [ Silence ]