The guys discuss why it's so important to hide your laughter when strange toddlers get injured, how landscapers cannot be held accountable to mow while they’re mourning, and when you cannot find an old person in a room full of 48 year old people.
That Checks Out
A Whale Wingmom and Nutty Buddy Cave
The guys discuss why it's so important to hide your laughter when strange toddlers get injured, how landscapers cannot be held accountable to mow while they’re mourning, and when you cannot find an old person in a room full of 48 year old people.
- Duration:
- 1h 3m
- Broadcast on:
- 09 Sep 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
- Nice, that was pretty close. - That was pretty good. - New studio, new timing. - Yeah, new studio, new timing. - Timer's still not going. (laughing) - Hey everybody, that chick's out! Damon and Jamie! - I'm dead, he's Damon, Damon. - He's running over to start the timer. - Do it. - Okay, now we get started. - Now we get started. - Now we get officially started. - Damon and Tae, Damon. Hey, first off, let's just, let's call a spade spade here. There's a new studio. - New studio, this is our third. - Yeah, how do I podcasting studio? - Yes. - I say hour, it's not really hour. - No, it's not. - We literally have nothing to do with this one. - Hey, we helped move into the other one. - Correction, this is for the people. - Right. - So this is for everybody. - It got closer to the bathroom, still no shower. - Correct, do me a favor too. If you stopped on here to see him and use the restroom, don't use a hand dryer, we're recording. Just don't use a hand dryer. - While recording wet hands. - Yeah, no hand dryer, yeah. That's how it works. Anyway, hey, we wanna talk about this. By the way, I do wanna point out one thing. - Yes, sorry. - If you were to walk out Max door from his old studio, hang a left and walk down, I don't know, 20 steps. 30 steps. - That's the right. - Not out of your old studio. - Yeah. - When you walk out of that door. - Get left, you're coming this way. - You hang a left, you're coming this way. Yeah, that's a right. - Oh, he was talking about the stairs. - No, no, no. Listen, I get what he's at now. - Hey, Google Gary, I'm starting at your old studio. I'm not starting here and finding my way there. - No, no, no, no. He's saying if you turn right out of his old studio, you would reach steps or stairs. - You would absolutely. But in 20 paces, you will be at this door. Not pesos, that might be what he's paying for this, but pesos, okay? You'll be here. So here's what I believe happened. You got his door to the right. Four paces, you were at a set of stairs. Which is what? Wilson and myself helped him carry everything up. I say everything, we're gonna take a lot more credit than we probably did, but we still helped, okay? I believe this is my theory. He walked out the studio, took a right, carried everything down the stairs, loaded it in his car, drove around to the front of the building. - 'Cause there's a front park. - 'Cause just so we know now, you walk up the front stairs, you are walking right in here. - You walk straight in. - It is very welcoming. - I also liked how it said that checks out on the door. - It does. - It was very welcoming. - He has no signage for himself, but he has total signage for us. - I put up that sticker just for you guys today. - I appreciate it. - You have turned around. We were talking to you earlier. You were talking to your microphone when you're back to us. - Yeah. - And it was very unsettling. - Absolutely sad. You know you should really face yourself this way. Before I got it out of my mouth, what did he say? - No. - No. - That's terrifying. - But then we had a conversation with him. He literally was looking the other way. He was staring directly at his monitors. - But now that we're talking about his new illustrious studio, he's decided to turn around so he can get some stairs. - I did, we're not the first people in here, though Damon looked like to claim we are. - Yeah. - There was a photo of someone else recording there. It was the exact same setup. The person in your seat was talking across a table. The person in my seat had turned to look directly towards Mac. - Yeah. - So I don't know if this is the new default. - It might be. - Or I have to use it perpendicular to the table and I said parallel. - That's what it is. - That's what it is. - We can't make the hell out. - We can't make the hell out. - There's going to be over there too. - Is video village going to move? - I'm setting up a cuticle so you eventually won't see me. - This, this sure is riveting for the people. - What does this come out? - I'm not trying to be a facetious. We've skipped some stuff, Mac and a vacation. Damon had a vacation. Mac was gone again. - Right. - When does this come out? - So considering this is going to come out on the 9th. - 9th. So we still have time to plug your show? - People still, that's a soft time. - I don't know if you knew what that's what I was going to do. - Trust me, it's all about you. I just live in your world. - September 21st. (laughing) - September 21st. Wilmington, Illinois. Doors at 630 show at 730 St Rose School. Wilmington comedy show, headliner. Mike Toomey, host, John, front of the show at a cost. - Yeah. - Future act, probably doing a longer set than normal. Ted Wilson, the guy from that checks out. - Whoa. - Two else? - Two else. - Two else. - Okay, the third else for a loser. Okay, here's where we're at. By the way, we're making an L right here. Look at this. - There's a third L right here. - This is a third L. - Third L. - Third L. - So that one's invisible. - That's the invisible one. This is part of your third L. - Yeah. So anyway, we had a 30 reunion. - We did. - Okay. - I want to talk a little bit about that because not only does that show that we're late, late 40s. - Okay. - 789. - 789. - Which by the way, we-- - Also zero. - We also determined. - We told a mystery person, won't be disclosed. - Doesn't rhyme with Buckbarreld. - Buckbarreld. - Yes. - That when we hit after the year after 49, we're rounding that into the upper 40s. - That's upper 40s. - Zero is upper 40s. - Now that's for us. - That you're right. - That's not for everybody. - Yeah, we said specifically that did not count for Buckbarreld. - Correct. Which he was not too happy about, but that's not our fault. So we protect the innocent. - Yeah, he didn't help move in his studio too. - Correct. - Correct. He has long legs. He could have take three steps at a time. He'd have been fine. So but we went to this 30 reunion and we had a pretty good turnout actually. We had a pretty good turnout. And here's, let me tell you a big brain diamond. Here's where we're at. We made name tags, okay? - With you so far. - Great idea. We made name tags because here's the deal. People do look different. - Yeah. - Then they did 30 years ago. - Oh, I look exactly the same. What are you talking about? - Correct. So I can see the ginger coming out of your head right now. So where we're at? Don't, see? He left you. - Yeah. - He's like, yeah, he left at me. He left with you. - He left with me. - So that's all right. - That's what that, I know you don't know what that normally sounds like. (laughing) - But that's what laughing with someone sounds like. - What's that noise? (laughing) - When I don't feel like be real, it made fun of me. - Why is there laughter? - What is that noise? I've never heard that when I'm not feeling like crap about myself. This is weird. - I wasn't the blood of the Joe. - Why was there like? - So wild. So anyway, no, so we put my wife at the table because she did not go to school with us. So she's allowed to ask everybody and who are you? - Right. - Okay, big brain. Also, she presumably wouldn't get stuck in a conversation and turn around and be like, oh, seven people walked in. - Right, yes, correct. Because as we know, I actually stood by the table for a while. So did you. And we were kind of, you know, you're greeting people, listen to that. But then you hook up with somebody you're talking and your back is everybody, nobody knows you're there. You don't know anybody else is there. - Where everybody doesn't know your name. - So it's kind of wild. But it was nice. The other part of it is, is everybody that brought their spouse, they're walking around and introducing. Well, then as you're talking to somebody, your spouse is kind of standing there gazing around and they're probably, you're trying to include them, but you're not. Guess who didn't have to include his wife or anything? - You. - Big brain. Okay, here's where this is all I'm saying. And you also got everyone to be like, oh, Damon has the best wife ever. - Yeah, that Damon's wife is amazing. - That wasn't really my plan, but that did make her feel better about not spending time with me that night. You understand what I'm saying? - I don't think. - It's a big brain. She actually, she probably would have got voted. - I think she might have minded. - No, she would have got voted most popular, but she didn't go to our school. So it's kind of weird. I was like, hey, did you meet someone? So she's like, yeah, I just had a nice conversation with them. I'm like, cool. But no, it was really cool seeing people that are equally as old as us. All right. And you know what? I want to do it again in five years. I don't want to wait 10 years. - Oh, we will, 'cause there's no way we're going to wait 10 years. And there's people that couldn't come to this one that want to come to the next one on that topic. - Yeah. - Not plugging myself. But anyone that wants to show up to my show, it's in Wilmington. Let's have a mini reunion. - There are a lot of people coming that could not come to the reunion. - Right, they're going to go to that. - Correct. - On the topic of the people we met, and I'm going to butcher this name, and I apologize 'cause I didn't ask him his last name, our classmate, Val D'Langel. - Oh, Tim. - Tim. - Like Kucharski. - Kucharski is out. - Yeah, Kucharski. - Kucharski, okay. - Yeah. Tim was very welcoming. - Yeah. - Yeah. - He found you funny, which is weird. - Somebody has to. - Very polite, but my point of this is that we were all like, hey, it was great to see you. We wish someone so and so was here. Specifically, Val said to me, she's like, hey, I just, I don't know if I've ever said this to you. I just want to say, I wish I could say, go back and say thank you to your dad. - Yes. - I almost like had to sit down. - Yes. - I talk about a lot, people come up to me all the time. Rarely, and I'm not trying to fish for compliments. Rarely people from our circle do that. It's usually people younger or older. I think other people just knew, that was your old man. You know, that kind of thing. - Right. - But literally was like, he was a great guy. He really helped me out. He, all this other stuff. And I was just, I wasn't expecting that. - Yeah. - 'Cause, you know, like I said, Tim and I were like joking around and having a little fun. He was learning about how we do this and the stand-up that I do and stuff. And then all she said that. And I was like, oh, thank you. - Yeah. - I thought it wasn't gonna cry. - Yeah, no. - A couple of those that would cry here. - Yeah. - But if anyone, if she does not listen to the podcast, if anyone listens and knows Val, please let her know that it meant a lot to me. And I told her that night. Also, I don't know if you know this. I don't actually don't know if you know this. There was an after party around the corner. We all, a lot of us went, not everyone. I walked back to my car. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We were there, 20 minutes, 30 minutes before I left. - Yeah, probably. - Half hour? - Yeah. Val and Tim are still outside the original bar, still trying to figure out a ride back to their hotel. - Well, you parked there. - Yeah, I'm right there. - I'm right in front. Tim's like, "Hey, do you have a car?" And I'm like, "No, I just opened this one, it's unlocked." - Yeah, right. - I do now. He's looking to be like, "No, no, this is..." - Do me a favor. Throw me that brick. You're gonna move out of the way. Let it break through. - We got a car right now. - I was there to give him a ride home. I felt like, 'cause you know why do you want to pay? - Right. - Pay for an Uber. - Plus, I hate to say it. We were in a small farm town. - Yeah. - I don't know that Uber's are a plenty. - You know what I mean? - They probably could've gotten one. - Yeah. - But it'd be today. - You'd have been better off ordering like DoorDash and then being like, "Can I ride back with you?" (laughing) You know, you'd have been better off doing that. But, no, again, we're old. I get it 30 years. But when we were in that room and you're talking to everybody, like you see everybody's face, they're just their eyes and they're smiling. I didn't see any old people. - I didn't see any old people, right? - It was weird. - And I don't know if this happened at the 20th, 'cause the, well, I do it. We're not gonna get into it. - I don't know if it was this inclusive at the 20th. At the 30th, I saw people talking that I was like, I don't think I would ever expect those people to ever talk again. - Correct. - Well, they're having conversations. - Right. - 'Cause they wouldn't have been, and it's not, because you know it is, people group up in high school. You're not friends with everyone. - Right. - But at this point, we're like, hey, we've made it this far. We have joint memories. - I think that's part of it. As you get older and part of it is like, we were on the committee for inviting stuff. So when you start to see, and it, let's not get more of it, this is fun, but you start to see the word to cease next to some people's names, you and you go, you know what, just let's not be mad at nobody. - Yeah. - You know, let's not be mad. Listen, I sucked in high school. I sucked today. So if you came there thinking you're gonna do anything different than Damon Sucken, you're false. - Okay, that's wrong. - To that point, I know this is very niche and very small, you know, narrow focus for the other people of the podcast. My colleague in Canada is like, what's high school? We don't have that up here. (laughs) - Thanks again to the committee, Matt, for running in. You were on, you know, Jill, Colleen, Lindsey. - Yeah. - Courtney, Kelly. - And my wife for making a lot of stuff happen. - Everyone, and if we didn't thank you, blame Damon, but, 'cause it was a great time and you're right, five years out, we're doing it again. Five years out, we're doing it again. Hey, and I encourage anybody who went to high school, you're 15, 20, 25 years out and you have a reunion, just go. - Yeah. - Don't go on that go. They couldn't get me there. - I took more questions about people that were in my, let's say, click. - Yes. - Why isn't so-and-so here? - They didn't want to come. - I don't know the rest of that answer. - Right. - They did not, they said no. - Yeah. - And politely moved on. - But we had people flying from both coasts. - Right. - We had people flying from-- - For America's flag. - Yeah. - And then all for the heartland. - From the heartland. - California. You know, we had multiple people from California and they flew in, they came that night and they left the next day. So again, let me just say, go have fun with people that you knew from, forever go, 'cause you want to know what's weird, even if you, even if they hated you, you hated them, you feel so much younger in a room full of people like that. - Yeah. - And I looked around, there was nobody from Cacoon. Okay. - Right. - That's, we joked about, they were like, remember how Wilford Brimley looked at 42 years old? We're 48, okay? I don't see Wilford Brimley in this room. So it was pretty cool. - Yeah. - It was very cool. - Great time. - So that said, oh, and by the way, I must say, my favorite person to hang out with tonight was Lori. - Yeah. - So it was my favorite. - Well, that was phenomenal. - She made the most pictures possible. It was pretty insane. - Yeah, I'm not gonna ruin the inside, John. - No, there's an inside joke there and Lori, when you're listening-- - If you know David-- - You did great. - You could figure it out. - You did great. - If that Lori is listening, you did great. - You did great, Lori. I love your hair and your choice of clothes. So anyway, we talked about that. I have a couple of things I want to talk about. Even back to like vacation a little bit, can I tell you a little bit about my family that you might not know, okay? You might not-- - Back in Disney? - Well, just vacation, yeah, 'cause we did, it was literally, and I was talking, I don't know, we said we get off the reunion, I was talking to Buck Barrel's wonderful wife, Christina. - Yes. - And she was like, you guys were talking about David's vacation, he talked about his breakfast and he's like, and we're done. - Yeah. - And she was said, you said anything else, no, I'm good. - Yeah. - So apparently we're talking about-- - Yeah, all right. - No, no, here's the deal. - This is for you. - I could do a whole hour on myself about vacation. - We used to. - We-- - Maybe we're correct. - Maybe we're correct. - We're correct. - You are correct. So anyway, no, but there's a couple of stories from there, okay? So some doesn't feel right. Are these the same chairs and table? - Yeah, it's kind of weird. - This doesn't-- - Something's weird. - This doesn't feel-- - Something's weird. - Is this the same chairs and table, this is weird. I don't, okay, all right. - It doesn't feel right. - Yeah, he says, yeah, that time. - Yeah. - Hey, maybe you should turn your desk around and face this way. - No. - Okay, that's how fast it happened earlier too, just so everybody knows it was not lying. - All right. - That was a little slower. - Yeah, but here's what's funny, he's spun around the chair, facing me. So apparently, this stuff runs itself. - Yeah, I'm afraid you're gonna throw something at me for some reason. - Yeah, that is true. I mean, he had his back to us for a while and I was like, that's brave. - Well, what's weird is we didn't find the Kleenex, but I did find some bricks, so he might wanna turn around and keep up. - That was very pointy flamethump, so he might wanna turn around. - Yeah, heavy coasters. - But, so that's true. - So I tell the kids, I watch this little kid on vacation, he comes walking through this and he's eating like ice cream out of a cup, okay? Don't worry, got it, there's many places you can get it. He's eating this and he's got this like, he's probably four, five, okay? Not school age yet, okay? - Mids. - Mids. Yeah, mid not school age, is that a real thing? That might be a thing, I don't know, whatever. Zero counts as 49, that's how we go. So anyway, I looked at my daughter and I said, "I wanna smack that out of his hand." And she goes, "Why?" And I said, "Here's your hand to God." I said, "Cause his parents will never believe I did it." - That's interesting. - Is that not crazy to take? Because our mutual acquaintance, proprietor of Foot Wedge, custom pens, would literally, like if you would see something like a kid eating an ice cream cone, you would literally be like, "Bam, there's nothing more I wanna do than to walk by." And that's like about his hand, he hit his bottom of his hand up. - Oh, okay, no. - So it just splats on his forehead. - No, I wanna put it on the ground. So the parents turn around and be like, "What did you do?" And when he goes, that guy knocked on my hand, I'll be like, "Whoa, what?" Why would I ever do that? - I would almost get in front of him. - Was I turning on, "Hey, kid dropped your ice cream." - Yeah. - "Hey, no, he knocked it on me." - Yeah, that hit my shoe. It's okay, I'm not mad, we're all good. So, but anyway, I kept telling my kids, so all the time, whenever my kids, we got on a bus, we're going back to the resort, and his kid is banging on his popcorn tin for the entire seven, eight, 10 minutes around the bus, and his parents don't stop. - Yes. - Worse than that, no rhythm, okay? - Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, pop, pop. - On two separate occasions while we're on the bus, my kids look up from their phones, my daughter looks at me and she smiles and she goes, "They'd never believe you." (laughing) "I'd like to head!" And I go, "Yes!" So that's why we named the trip, was it, they'll never believe you trip, because again, they're like, "Dad, please do it once." I'm like, "Just hamburger," anything, just see the kid walk by and just be like, "Well, bam, they start crying." You turn around, you're like, "What happened, buddy?" You know what I mean? "They're parents would not believe a grown man would do that." - I just know, I just know what you would do if someone did that to your kids. - Oh yeah, I would totally. First, I'd be like, "Who did this to you?" (laughing) - Yeah, and first you'd say that to the burger. (laughing) - Who did this to you? - No! (laughing) - Yeah. - Better watch out. - I know John Wish. - Yeah, I was gonna say, I could find you. He's at Disney Springs, visiting with a friend who moved here. - Yeah, right before he jumped him. By the way, that's the story that might go in the extras. So I hope it does now, because you need to know why he jumped a guy. - Right, Disney Springs. - Correct, 'cause he's not supposed to be out. So anyway, here's where we're at, okay? By the way, listen to the extras, 'cause I think we're gonna cut that up. I just got Wilson. By the way, hey, it was four to one air for the reunion. You gotta remember it, it was four to one. You were not happy about that at all. But your last one where you got me, solid. - Oh yeah. - Can't talk about it on here, solid. - No, I got you solid. - Very solid. So yeah, you know what, it might be four to two, 'cause I would say this time. - I even told you that the next night you were in a rare form, when you were like, you mean in a regular form? - Yeah, so normal form. - You mean like normal funny? - Is that what you're talking about? - I stepped back and did not really participate in your shenanigans. You were having a good time, and I was like, I'm gonna just watch. - We had a pretty good time. So, but then the other thing I wanna point out, okay, so things that bring my daughter, Joy, is when a little kid falls down. - Oh, that's gonna say chicken tenders? - Yeah, tenders too. - You know what, if she can eat chicken tenders and watch kids fall down? - Watch the kids do that? - Oh my goodness, she wouldn't even need dipping sauce. She'd be like, I am good dad. - Take me now, James. - Yeah. (laughing) Life is complete. No, but so we're coming out of a restaurant on vacation, and our friends, Richard and Helen, are there. And it's our last night with them having dinner, right? And so she sees this kid running across the lobby, and it tiled. He trips over a rug or something, bam, face plants, right? Now he catches himself, but he falls. And she looks at me, her face turns red, and she merely turns around, because she's going to start cracking up. She doesn't want his parents to see. I don't care, because I raise my daughter this way. You want to make fun of my daughter? I do the same thing. Okay, look, you trip and fall, I'm gonna laugh at you. Only I'm not gonna hide my face. You know? - I have to put some parameters on it. - Yeah. - If the kid is asking for it, as in, you know. - Oh, he's running. - He was running. - Yeah. - I mean, like just like, has been told to stop running, stop screwing around, stop goofing off. - Yes. - And still falls? - Yes. - Fair game. Like, they're just trying to do their own thing, and you know, sometimes you catch your foot wrong or something you trip. That's when people laugh. I'm like, come on. Everyone does that. - But what's funny is so rich, Rich is walking out of the bathroom, because they all went to the bathroom right afterwards. Me and her stepped right outside the restaurant, right? So we're in the lobby of the hotel. So we're there. Rich comes walking out. He sees her face all red like that. And he looks at me and he goes, somebody fall down. - That's what he says. - I'm like, you know the product, you're so good, that you understand. That's the only thing that makes my daughter laugh that hard. - I would have given him more points of view, would have just turned to the room. - Which one you fell? - Yeah. - Who's crying? - Yeah, who's crying? But it brings her joy. Now, it brings me joy too to see my daughter laugh. So like when they fall, I sit my door, I'm like, you know how you get one of those proud parent moments? I don't know if that's really probably the best way to describe it. - Yeah, I was wondering where, you know, I was about to backpedal for you, but you know, can I tell you what brings her more joy than that? - Still not checking fingers? - I'm surprised, checking fingers not on the board, okay. Is it at least the number three answer? Is it the number three answer? - Yeah. - Yeah. - I met the other end like, good answer, good answer. - Man. - What do we, what? - Yeah. - Do we even know her? - What happened? - Do you have two daughters? - Have you listened to the podcast? - Yeah. Steve Harvey doesn't know nothing. I'm telling you right now. That's an answer. Put it on the board. - Richard Dawson would have got it. - Yeah. - But no, what I laughed at is if it's me, if I get hurt. - Oh, for sure. Yeah. - Okay. - 150 times worse. If anyone joyed. - Yeah. - You narrowed it down to your daughter. Which confused me. - Right. It's weird because all of us feel like, that's a true question. I just don't understand. - It's like all of us. - How many months have 28 days in them? That's a joke. Is that right? - Oh, I get it. - Oh, that's right. All of them. All of them. - Yeah. Some of them have a couple more. Okay, but all of them got you. - I'm with you. - So, but no, that's the only thing that would bring her more joy is if that kid fell into me and then I fell. - Yeah. - She'd be like, oh, I mean honestly. It's like tripped and like head-butted, you know, oh yeah, yeah, your business sister. - Right. Yeah. Like Joe guy like a head butt. - Yeah. - I might have just almost had a stroke again. - Yeah. - I don't know where that word came from. I think new. Hey, this is a new studio. This has to be a stroke for his own. - You break it in the studio with a stroke? - I cannot die in here. - I cannot die still. - Studio. - Yeah. - Whoa. - If I die in here on the colon half of this. - No. - Oh, real fast. - No. - Yeah. - Maybe get part of the building. - Yeah. - Get the bottom part of the building. That would be Max Landlord. - That would be a sitcom that Nolan won. - Nicole's posters. - Nicole's posters. - He's the carpet you died on. - Yeah. It's stained. That's where he died. It's right there. I don't understand what happened. - Did you try saving? - Well, then we didn't have to do it. - We were laughing. - He fell. - He thought it was a gag. - Yeah. - Yeah. - We thought we were just making his daughter. - 18 minutes later. - This guy's good. - Yeah. - I don't even know that he's not. - We didn't have to call your daughter. - Does he usually fall down as much? - Yeah. - How long does he just take? - It's insane. - And then real quick, I want to pull the room. What's the rule? What's the rule? - For, you almost have to send a telegram to Max. - Yeah. - I went on the other side of the earth. - Carrier pigeon. - It gets stuck in the lights. You're like, okay, that was a bad idea. That pigeon is blocked. - What's the rule? - What's the rule for flossing in public while you're standing in a line? - No. - Like with floss? - Oh, yeah. No, not like your dancing. I mean, I'm talking like a TikTok dance. It's still wrong. - I mean, like you've got like the thread and you're like... - He has a point. - Are you using the thread? Or are you using the little pick? - Using the pick. - Slightly better still, no. - Okay. Using the pick for an hour minute or an hour, an hour minute. - 60 minute weight line? - Okay, I guess so. - The entire time. - Here's my question. - What if it would have been a toothpick? Would you been okay with that? - Not the way he was digging. - Okay. - No, he wasn't up to a knuckle. I mean, I'm like, dude, I don't think your throat's that deep. I don't even know where you're at. - Yeah. - That's pretty crazy. - No, I have the picks in my car. - Right. - And then my desk could work, but I use them privately. - Yeah, no, he was like picking a lock. I'm like, what are we doing here? He's digging, you know, like for cavities. And I'm going, okay, and then like, you know, every so often, his line comes around. They're walking past you. And I'm like, this is just disgusting. What are we doing? Now, it's not somewhere where I need to make a scene because you make a scene there. That's the last scene you ever make there. - Right. - I don't want to do that. But it was enough for me to go, I ask about that on the podcast because I really think that this is wrong on every level. - Hey, Nicole Jeffers, don't. - Yeah. Let me talk about this in the podcast. - Yeah. - And my note says flossing in a Disney line. That's all I put it in here, you know, weeks ago. So, but, and that's the thing too. So like I took like the next, like, I don't know, five, six shows after we got back. I just, I throw a couple of things on each one, but the flossing, maybe, maybe he's a plant by Disney and he's there. So you'll buy the Disney plus light, genie plus lightning lane, fast path, whatever they call it now. - Right. Yeah. - I gotcha. - I think it's a multi pass now. - It's a multi pass. - Yeah. - I think you're wrong because I know what I'm talking about. - You wanna look it up? - I'll look it up. - Well, I know who's not gonna look it up. The guy facing the wrong way. - Correct. (laughing) - I feel like we're interviewing him. Look how he's sitting. Yeah, I know. Like we're interviewing for a job. - I'm doing what you're looking at the whole time. - Would you, would you like to work here? Do you think you? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Ready to see yourself in five years. Probably in the studio writing the other side of the bathroom because I'm just gonna keep moving down the hallway. Okay. - There's an open apartment down there now. - Here it is, that's unit B, unit B, what did you call it? - Lightning Lane. - Okay, we're both good. - Yeah, we'll be renamed Lightning name multi pass. - Okay, there you go. So we were both good. - Okay, we're not both right. It's lightning lane, but that's okay. That's all good. - All right. - Hey, how about you? Anything fun happen for you? - I, not fun, but oh, we're gonna get a new glass. - I got new glasses. - No, I'm not angry. - Wait, are you wearing them now? - Yes. - Okay, did you notice Mac? He's wearing new glasses? - 'Cause no, 'cause for the first time in my life, when I went back to the store three years later, they were still selling the other frames. - Oh, really? - Didn't even have to look. I said, that's the one. - Yeah, game on. - Which one you want? - These. - Yeah, another point to your face. - And then they was like, you see these? - These. - I want those. - Yeah, I want, but these are those. - I finally decided to go with the progressive ones. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - Three years ago I didn't. And about the last six months I've had to put where my glasses on my forehead to read anything. - Yeah. - 'Cause I'm, yeah. - 789. - So are you, uh... - How do you, how do you, do you have progressive? - Oh, yeah. - How do you wear these? - I shook my head and the whole place went. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - No, you really do. You're like, first off, that might lead to my strokes. - All right. - It could be. - If you have a stroke in here, it's 'cause of the glasses. - It's kind of me. - I thought I was on a ship. - Yeah. - The whole room just moved. It was like, what's happening? - It's weird 'cause you, like, here's the thing. Three years ago they were like, hey, we're gonna measure your face, make sure this all fits, come back, we'll make sure you're okay with everything. I go and pick them up this time, they're like, here, did they fit? Like, yeah, they're like, okay, they slam the thing, they're like, this is it? I gotta figure this out on my own, I gotta drive now. - Hey. - I went out and got in the car and was like, uh, this isn't, this isn't right. - Yeah. - Good luck, everybody. - Yeah. - Well, you look at the radio and it's sitting in your lap, and then you look down the road and you're like, I can't see nothing. - But, yeah. - The night before the reunion. Is that when you got 'em? - You said they were-- - No, it was the day of the reunion. - Okay, you said they were pretty new that day. I remember we're walking in the morning, so they're pretty new. - The night before I had a show with Uncle Larry, Tommy and Brian. No, 'cause I got 'em, I got 'em-- - Okay, okay, okay, okay. - No, the point of that is that we usually get a little early, John gets pizza, even though I've told him, repeat it, John's friend of the show to cost. Repeatedly told him, I don't eat pizza on a regular day because of my lactose in talent. Right before I go on stage, bad idea. - Yeah, absolutely. - Usually what I do is I do my set, I come in the back, I eat an entire bottle of lactate, and then eat a piece to be polite, 'cause that's the kind of guy I am. But I'm in there, and I'm trying to go over my set, and I'm doing a feature set, so it's longer than, you know, yeah, it's about 25 minutes, right? - Yeah, I gotcha. - And I'm working on new stuff 'cause I want to do new stuff in St. Rose. Little plug, make sure you go, it'll be on our webpage. - Hey, by the way, could I just add to that? - Yeah. - Ted will either be doing the show from the stage or on your table. He has progressive lenses, he has no idea where he's at. - No idea. - No idea. You might have a better seat than me. - I might have a better seat than me. - Yeah, you could be on the table. - I might actually be in St. Rose thinking I'm at. - Wow, this is a nice room, no one's here. - Yeah, it's just weird. There's a lot of crosses in here. That's the church, you're in the wrong part, but that's okay. Continue. - I'm going over stuff, and I'm trying to get in. And this is the first time in a while where, you know, with my new job, I have to go straight from work to the show. - Right. - My previous job, I would work from home on Fridays. - No time. - Yeah, I could sneak in a little, like, you know, run through. - Yeah. - I'm trying to get all of a sudden, I get a text from one of our old classmates. I happen to work with her daughter. Her nose, I'm in IT, she's like, "Hey, can you help my daughter out?" She wants to do this. I said, "Send this back." She said that didn't work. Okay, we'll have her try this. That didn't work. I'm kind of busy, though. Can I just send her your number and she can text you directly? And I was like, "Sure, I got nothing going on. Yeah, I'm fine." So I actually get up out of the green room, and I walk into the hallway, and I'm like, "We'll try to figure this out. It's not working. I'm suggesting this. It's not working." And I said, "Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie?" - Right, I was going to say, "Yeah." I was like, "I want you to send me a screenshot of what you..." I'm like, "Oh, okay. Well, that's the error you're getting." I said, "You're my hero. Thank you so much, Mike. Great. Please leave." Yeah! High five. - That was our game. - First one in the studio. First one in the studio. First one in the studio. So now it is 8.15. Yeah. Show starts at 8.30. I'm in the hallway. Brian and I call it the hallway of forgetfulness. Because we look out there, we're like right outside the stage door, and it's like, "Do you remember what you're supposed to stay in the stage?" Right. What about you? No, I know. Was there a meeting? Was I there? No, then I don't know. I get a text. Hey, are we doing this? I don't know. Well, don't you need to know and tell people? Yeah, it's not a problem. It will be taken care of. But don't you need to know? Yeah, but not right now. Well, is it going to be a problem? It's not going to be a problem. Okay. Well, I just wanted to make sure you knew. I know. I'm very well aware of it. Okay. Well, still pre-show. Oh, this is the final 15? This is 8.15 to 8.30. I'm going to be in these tags. Well, 15, just asking questions that could have been asked six weeks before or any time the next day or eight minutes after. Right. Yeah, I got you. That's a pretty big window. Yeah. It's a small window. No, it's like, yeah. Okay. This is fun. Well, that's what it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be funny. But ahead of a good time, there was someone in your seat. There was someone I knew from my former job. Oh, yeah. I'm not going to name it. Rhyme's a TEDx. Nice. Sitting right in the front, like literally right in that front. Yeah. I was like, I said something like, hey, there's a joke I talk about. People not recognize me or not knowing me. And he like went, oh, and I'm like, it literally had to go down and I'm like, it doesn't include you. Right. Because you know me. Right. They're not supposed to know that. Yeah. You're a plant. Be quiet. That stands line. Could you not? Yeah. Could you not? Could you not? Yeah. I had some other friends there, but they were in the back. It was a good time. We had a lot of fun. Yeah, everything. But yeah, it was just that literally my brain was like, okay, just get to the green room. People will be chatting. Yeah. People won't pay attention. You'll have some time. Nope. Yeah. Full on 100% the whole time. So here, let's double back then to St. Rose. Hey, when he does his show, think about this, ahead of time, he's not going to be communicating. I'm like, I'm security. I'm going to make sure no one gets to Wilson. You're going to have to communicate with me. So you're going to want to show up, I don't know, six hours early so we can hang out, be friends. Right? Yeah. Okay. But no, the reality of it is, is after the show, you'll be ready to talk to everybody. And it'll be a good time. Oh, for sure. You're a good time. Everyone come up. Hang around. Stay after once. If you want to talk to TV's Mike Toomey or Radio's friend of the show, John de Coss. Yeah. Please do. Everyone come up talk. Talk like you're off. I will be there as long as someone wants to talk to me. Absolutely. And it's not ego. It's not like, honestly, if you have questions. That's the thing. Christina said her brother was interested in comedy. Yeah. I'm not an expert. But I'll answer any question you have. I'll point you to people who can help you. You also have guys that give lessons. Right. That's true, John. You can actually, yeah. You give them a whole little network session. You know what I mean? Are you taking selfies? Yeah. Someone asked me about the podcast. Yeah. They're like, hey, what's talk about what your podcast I'm going to send a picture of you? I'm kind of busy. Yeah. So, by the way, hey, surprise selfies. Remember those from the reunion? Yeah. Surprise selfies. I did not make a lot of people happy. Surprise selfie is when you walk up into a crowd of people that are already doing something and you put the phone over your head and you're ready to take a selfie and you yell surprise selfie. But you generally snap it as everybody starts turning their head, starts doing what they're doing. It very much captures the real essence of what's going on in the room and the pure anger and hatreds towards me. Yeah. It was actually pretty good. Jennifer comes to mind. It did. It did. So, it was wild. I did have to delete one before I shared it to the group. And you know what? I'm fine with that. But since she defeated me the entire night, I was actually pissed. I wanted to keep that picture because certain people when I go surprise selfie and they can actually pose and smile in the time it takes me to do that and press my finger, it pissed me off. Okay? I was like, you don't understand. You're missing the point of the game. Yeah. You're talking to her. She's talking to him. Everybody talk. Selfie. Yeah. Because in reality what I'm getting is, look at those people that are hanging out talking to each other. That's, I mean, it sounds stupid, but it's kind of the real thing. It's like everybody can pose. Anybody can stand up and pose next to somebody else and be like, oh, take my picture, take my picture. It's kind of different when you're like, oh, someone's in my picture. I didn't know what's going on. Yeah. I will say that. Here's another slight. There's another little cheat for you. Yeah. And it starts to sag. Ooh. You can volunteer a guy to hold the arch and then he'll show up in a good 15, 25 pictures. Yeah. Solidating it. Solidating it. I got in a lot of people's pictures just because I was the guy holding the balloon. Hey, step on in. Yeah. Come on in. Come on in. Come on in. Come on in. Come on in. Come on in. Set right up here. All right. Get in front of me. I'm the balloon guy. Right up to my left. Right up to my left. Right over to my left. Not your left, my left. Right over here. Face the camera. Face the camera. 15 pictures of a balloon on a top of his head. That's how it holds the arch. You're golden. You're solid. So hey, can we go in a couple of fun facts? Besides the fact that you're going to have a comedy show on the 21st September? That's a fun fact. Yeah, it is. Yeah. All right. First one. Killer whales often stay with their adult sons for their entire lives. Sounds like other people I know. Sharing prey and knowledge. Recent research suggests that these mothers also play a crucial role in fostering mating opportunities for their sons, ensuring that they have grandchildren. Moms will win man. Yeah, this does sound like just moms in general. Moms will wing man. Okay. Are you comfortable? Yeah. Okay. Well, you just heard on a live mic was Mack kicking his feet up onto his other chair that might have gerated at some time today. But he could. Not right now. So. So anyway, here's the deal. This whale is she's a wing mom. Is that what it is? Well, is it a wing? Is it a fin mom? Oh, fin mom. I like what you're going there. It's a dorsal mom, dorsal fin. Oh, yeah. Is that a dorsal fin? I don't know. They have one of those. That's the one on the back. Yeah. But my point is, is if you're out, so say I'm out somewhere and again, my mom's no longer with us, but if she was and I was at, if I was at a place and she walks up to the women and goes, you know, my son's a pretty nice guy. Want to give me some grandchildren? Yeah. I think that's going to scare them off. Yeah. I'm just saying he's got a bit of a size problem and I mean in two ways. First off, it's one of them's disappointing because they see you with them. The other one's disappointing because you got to see it. So I mean, it's, it works both ways. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. His name isn't Moby. It's adequate. Yeah. Last name's still Richard. It is what it is. I don't understand. I don't understand all that works. Family name. It's. That was Proccio. That's Richard. It's definitely Richard. Yeah. It's definitely, definitely. Scandinavian. Cranium. It's actually, it's Cranium. So, but no. Have you met my son? Yeah. So, by the way, you look like you have birth and hips and my son is right over here. I'd like to be a grandma. What do you think? You know? I just don't understand how you play that off. Yeah. And then the whale, the whale's over there. That's a good point. That's my mom. It's not going up like, hey, I'm hoping he just meets someone and wants life. It's, hey, hey, get to it, kid. Yeah. You guys have been talking for six minutes. Wait, is that, wait, this is Star Trek where they like, maybe that's why the earth was like, you know, we had that probe can have them. Did you just beam me up? Did you do? Star Trek forward, they'd go get whales. We got whales. Yeah. I don't know if there was, there was like, it was the mom and the son had to come to the future to be like, I need to find a mate for this. Yeah, I don't understand. Do you guys hear whales? None of the whales in 1985 are good enough. Yeah. You need to take them to 225. Yeah. You need to go to England. That's a different kind of whales. There's no H in that whales. It's totally different. Now he's just wandering around. Now he's going out to the hallway. Hey, don't use a hand dryer. We're recording. Please be courteous. I think he's going to pee. We'll be able to hear him. Here's my second one. This one might be my favorite one out of all of them, but I'm going to read it second. In 2020, a 48-year-old Italian man, I'm close because I'm Italian, but I'm like Olive Garden in 2020 or not. Correct. After an argument with his wife, walked 450 kilometers approximately 280 miles to calm down. Oh. What? Tuesday? Yeah. This news. Yeah. This? Here's the deal. You know what this guy did? He didn't get seen on 48 hours because he decided to walk. Smart move. This guy's very smart. You know who wasn't walking with him? His mom telling him, "Hey, maybe you should talk to that girl over there." We've gone 240 miles. You haven't talked to him one check. You know what I mean? No, he's probably on the phone. His mom the whole time. Had to come over here, didn't you? Had to wingman this, didn't you? Right. You want to wingman it now? Is that what you want to do? You know what we're doing, mom? 40 miles. You want to wingman that? Of course you don't. Yeah. Yeah. Get the car. Pull around. But to walk that far, and you got to think, "You're not ready to walk that far." Oh, no. You're just walking out the front door like, "I will see you." Bam. Slam the door. You don't take 280 miles later. Maybe that would be like us looking up and seeing the St. Louis arch, the gateway arch. Yeah. That's about 240 miles. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it'll be like, "Ooh, this is a bit much." You know what's weird? You're like, "You have cheese on your shirt." Well, I got a shoe in Springfield on my way here. I didn't say I didn't stop. I just walked 280 miles. I needed protein. I needed some carbs. I got a shoe like three days ago, but it's on your shirt. Still same shirt. Yeah. Hey, look, I didn't pack. I didn't know how far I was going, you know? But instead of that song, "I would walk 500 miles, I would walk 280 miles." You know? How's that go? Yeah. I would walk 400. Okay. But I just thought that was kind of weird. So he's 48 years old. By the way, that's a long way to walk if you're an old man. Yeah. It's like a good time of year. I mean, you can't do this in the winter time. You didn't leave and put on your winter coat, you know? Something had to happen. So but no, I would have stopped in like Springfield got a shoe, that probably would have. Or two. I mean, it's a lot of miles. A lot of miles. A lot of miles. You're easily eating up those calories. You know what's weird? I'd be like, "I'd take a shoe." Anything. You want to desert? I'd take a second shoe with wheels. Yeah, can I get a pair of shoes? Can I get one with wheels? Can I get one with wheels? Look at this. We know he's here now. Look at this guy. We can see him. We can never tell. I can never tell. You're really just to the left. Yeah. It's somewhere. Make Mac take his feet down and then you can sit at a chair and is what it is. Hey, by the way, don't ask him to turn desk around and answer his no. So don't. That's a good idea. I already had any. He shouted down. So he's a loser. Let's come back. Anyway, here's my third fun fact of the day. Well, that was your third. Oh, yeah. Third fun fact. Jerry's here. Okay. Fourth, fourth, fourth. Japan has the world's shortest escalator, which only has five steps and is located in the basement of a store in Kawasaki, Kawasaki, which I thought was a motorcycle, but apparently it's a real place. I believe it was like that's where the company came from. It's a real place. So well, they have an elevator there. Yeah. Five steps. Could you imagine an escalator? An escalator. Can you read? Yeah. Yeah. You're like, this sounds a lot faster than it is. Your regrets turning around. Yeah. Sounds a lot faster than it is. You know, he's like, your jokes don't sound funny. They don't look funny either. I don't understand. Five steps. They were like, you know what we need? Power. Yeah. Power. I don't know. Aren't they? People in Japan are fit. They don't really need an escalator. They can take the stairs. Yeah. Mack, would you like to comment on that? Yeah. You seem true. Okay. So why do you think they need a five step? Because it's a fun fact. It's for old folk. For old folks. What are they doing down there? I don't know. Five steps. Making motorcycles. No, that's a good point. You can see it. It's next to five steps. Yeah. You know? Hey, that's the other thing too when I was on vacation. You always have an escalator next to the stairs. I take the stairs because people take forever to get off an escalator and I'm walking past them on the way up. I'm like, you realize there's 75 open steps. You could walk faster on the escalator. They think everything is Disney's ride. Yeah. I don't have to stand a line for this one. Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did. I did. It wasn't as long as regular lines. Yeah. Right. I got a fast pass for the escalator right there. Yeah. Sure. You need to come back later and that's $29. Yeah. Can I single rider? Yeah, later real quick. Okay. Oh, I'm single riders. Okay. Never mind. So standing in and in and in. All right. So here's my last fun fact. John Jones got trapped head first and get this name of the cave in Nutty Putty Cave in Utah. Oh, this is the guy that like couldn't get out. Yeah. Couldn't be rescued. He suffered cardiac arrest after being inverted for 28 hours and died. His body remains trapped upside down and the cave has since been sealed with concrete. I've read a couple of these stories. I have one fear, one phobia and it's claustrophobia. I hate clay. Yeah. This creeps me out of there like, yeah, we just went exploring. Yeah. John took a wrong turn. I didn't realize that that was a dead end. We couldn't get him out. But 28 hours, there was people like they came in from another tunnel and they could talk to them. Yeah. And at one point he just went silent and they're like, I don't know. Yeah. Oh. If you're up, if I'm upside down for 28 seconds, I hate life. I can't imagine. You imagine you're upside down. It's dark. You can't see. You can't move. You're pinned. Yeah. Ew. You pee. Now you're not now that's going on because you're upside down. Oh, look how warmer. Always me. Gravity. Gravity. Is it raining? Yeah. But Nutty Putty Cave. Listen, if I'm like spelunking, is that the right term? Is that what you're going to get? Is that correct? Yeah. Spelunker. I could be a spelunker. But if I was a spelunker, I would stay away from Nutty Putty Cave because I would be like, this now Nutty Putty Cave, I'm going in head first. Yes. Okay. Now we got a pro. Listen, if it's sponsored by Little Debbie, if I see the sign out front, we haven't totally explored it. I'll do it. I bet there's a treat for me in here. Here's the deal. He fit until he ate all the Nutty Puddies in the cave. He actually just couldn't walk back out the opening. He's not upside down. He's nothing. He just can't get out of the cave. Yeah. It's just a factory tour. I don't know why. It's not really a cave. There's a five-step escalator right there. I don't know why he doesn't get on it and just get right out of here. He was very adamant that he just takes the stairs. Yeah. Yeah. He got winded at Nutty Putty Cave and, you know, imagine that though. They're like, so what'd you do? Well, we peed and put her to men. We didn't want to... Look, we didn't want to put concrete because we're known for other stuff. So we put peanut butter right over top of him. He's fine. Oh, so he was already dead. No, no, no. Here's the thing. We thought he was dead. He ate some of that peanut butter. So I'm still okay. I have to imagine now that there's a sign. It's like, you know, the John Jones Memorial Cavern. And someone's like, oh, they used to be called the Nutty Putty Cave. Nutty Putty Cave. That's interesting. I'd like to hear the story. No, you really wouldn't. No, you wouldn't. No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't. See them boots right there? Yeah. Concrete didn't cover everything. That's John. Yeah. You don't. Yeah. Wow. Well, because here's the picture it shows in a cave. Yeah. This is like the red stick line where it's like, yeah, this is where his head went down and never came back. So I can tell you, so I used to be a plumber, okay? I would crawl into crawl space to do stuff, which I hate crawl spaces. I hate whatever it is, but I would crawl in certain spots where I had to get like on my stuff. Now again, I'm thicker than a lot of people. So I get it might be a four foot deep crawl space still on my stomach, army crawling is what it is. But the point is, is I would get so far in and you have that you're like, what if I get trapped? Now, if I get trapped, odds are someone's going to be able to save me or I'm going to come through for like Kool-Aid guy and you're going to be like, oh, no, because that's going to happen. I mean, I can't tell you how many times I've been like, uh, what are the, what are the ramifications if I break through what I'm stuck in? Right. Right. That's my first thought is like how, not how is someone going to get me out is how pissed is someone going to be that I'm about to break stuff. Right. I was going to say, I am going to get out. Yeah. I don't really like rescue. When a mother has to lift a car to save her child. No, no, no, when I have to get out of this crawl space, that's the adrenaline you want to see. Yeah. My mom is here playing wing mom and she wants to lift this car off me. That's great. Okay. But she needs to lift this house off me because I'm stuck. So, but I used to hate that and you do and you realize somebody get to you, but you don't realize in the moment. I see you start panicking and it's weird, like if I'm vertical, like if I have to like slide down, like, you know, shimmy down something tight, that's not as bad. But when you're like, you're right. When you're on your chest and you're crawling. Yeah. Forget it. Oh, it sucks. And then the best part is when you're doing that, then you feel stuff crawling on you. You're like, okay. So I'm not alone down here. Spiders. You know, whatever it is. You're like, cool. I don't want to feel like a raccoon, you know, so I really don't want to feel like that right now. But yeah. So in 2009, so you figure this is what 15 years ago, old Johnny Boy got kind of created in Nutty Putty Cave. John Edward Jones. Ooh. Yeah, there you go. Financial guy. Right. Yeah. All right. So those are our fun facts. Oh, yeah. That last one. Super fun. Well, it's super fun realizing that if it was nutty buddy cave, I too would come to my demise. I'm saying putty. Yeah. Oh, I'm good. I'm out. I'm out. Yeah. No problem. Wait, is that with a B? No. Oh, no, we're good. We're good. And don't worry about it. B isn't buddy. No, no, no, I'm out. All right. So you know how I've read like personal ads for people? Yeah. Okay. I don't know if like we do like a TCO, but the T stands for Tinder. I don't know what we want to call it. Okay. Like lowered expect. It really is. Here's this might be one of my favorite ones. And this one's a dude. Not a girl. You're ready? Aaron's 38 years old about me picture this. We're on a date. I take you to a generic restaurant if you're choosing, then we go off for a drink after a few. I'm a bit tipsy. So we head back to my car. Cars on fire. You're shocked. I'm ready to call 911. You look back at me. I have two marshmallows on a stick ready for roasting and more alcohol. You blush. We cuddle together while my blazing car keeps us warm. We joke. We laugh. You're buckling in for kiss. I chloroform you and rob you wasn't even my car. Listen, my main Aaron. Okay. I'm going to tell you right now. Okay. Hey, Aaron. First off, he sports your hairdo. Yeah. Okay. He sports your hairdo. So I do think that all people that would do this. Have your hairdo. All right. Okay. So I am stereotyping. He's 38. So he's late 30s. Okay. I got to be honest with you. He's going to find love. This right here. Truthful. Two F's. T-R-U-U-F-F. Okay. You see-- Truth. Yeah. Yeah. I think you had another stroke. By the way, Jerry, you missed it. Had my first stroke in this studio. Yeah, the first stroke. No one saved my life. So thanks for being here in time. Anyway, if you tell somebody that's my car on fire, odds are you set that car on fire. Yeah. Okay. Well, if you tell someone that's my car on fire and your only reaction is to pull out swords of marshmallows. Yes. You set that car on fire. Yeah. I was going to say, you started that car on fire. And that's to be honest. Like, oh, man, is it? Do I need my insurance? Oh, it's in the glove box. Yeah. I shut it. Mm. Mm. That's, you know, it's weird. Yeah. Here, smell the shrags. The smell like chlorophyll. Oh, yeah. You know? We took a lot of heat for that. Yeah. We took a lot of heat for that joke back in the day. We really did. We really did. But anyway, when it says you're about to lean in for a kiss, I chloriform you and rob you. Okay. Well, it's even my car on fire. You know, this is actually, it's, that's a good circle he closes. Yeah. Now the cops are going to get out of here. Well, no, the cops are going to show up and just find someone presumably passed out from inhaling like, you know, car parts catching on fire. You're the one that set this car on fire. Yeah. And let me know. I was Aaron. I don't know Aaron. Aaron, who? Aaron, who? Yeah. By the way, let me just say what a gentleman Aaron is because it doesn't say anything about he did not cost this woman at all. There was no, he robbed her. There was no harassment. Yeah. There was nothing. There was nothing. Okay. I mean, I wouldn't mind setting up to somebody. So if you're around 38, call us. We'll set this up. Side bar. Not today. Yeah. Not feeling it. But I feel like this setup he has right now really just leans into me putting the headphones down running over there. Yeah. Screaming back at you. That does. That does. Maybe next episode. Instead of angry chatting into the ceiling. Yeah. Going over there and screaming it back this way. That does. Well, I don't know if it would be running. But yeah, I don't, I don't want it. Traversing. Traversing over there. Now we're leaning to happening today. You don't think I can do that? You trip over every cable in here. That's my point. There's nothing. Yeah. There's pretty open floor. Made a good path. Pretty open floor. Pretty open floor plan. Now he's like, I've got to get that cubicle up. Right. So hey, can we do a strange story? Two strange stories. A strange story. All right. Here's my strange story. You don't even have high school. American. This countuses. Pet duck. Quackers. Strangled by dog walker. All right. There's a lot going on in there. Okay. This count is Julie Montague. She's a Montague. Isn't that? That's like a famous name. Right? That's something. Ain't it? Yeah. Capulate Montague. Yeah. So there you go. She has been left deeply upset after a dog walker has been seeing strangling her pet duck before throwing away its lifeless body. Julie Montague, 50, claimed a gardener, had witnessed the attack on Quackers. By the way, Quackers. If you're going to have a duck, that's the only name you can name. Right. It's the only name. Okay. He's doing something to my face. You know, I can see the screen. This takes all the fun out of it, Jerry. See, now I get the pleasure of being surprised. Right. You do. So it says it's a white runner duck. Is a runner duck? Is that must be a special kind? I don't know. Based on your previous information of my knowledge, yes, I wouldn't know. Okay. I understood. But hey, runner duck, wouldn't it be great if they come with numbers on their chest? They're just like runner duck. What are those? Well, he's got number 212 on his chest. He runs. That's a runner duck. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That was got no wings. He's not a flyer duck. That's a runner duck. That's Quackers Gordon. Right. Twenty-four painted on the side. Is that the new Pont? Duck. It's Quackers Gordon. Yeah. He runs. So it says that hit. Oh. Hitching broke. That's her last name. So Lady Montague will say. Said Quackers was one of the three runner ducks at her homestead popular with visitors. It sounds like somebody. Yeah. Not quite as probably as she thought. Yeah. Not a whole lot of duck fun going on with this old dog walker. All right. Yet the bird was seeing being attacked by a terrier dog on the grounds before the animal dropped the bird. The gardener witnessed the female dog walker picking the duck up by its neck before strangling Quackers and throwing its lifeless body into the long grass. Okay. You're not keeping your yard well-kept if you have long grass, you're going to hide it, duck. Also, somebody's got grass. Oh, so hold on. You know, should have been doing it. Yeah. The gardener. Just said the gardener watched someone did not say a word or stop it. Right. Just watch me like, uh, hope that doesn't go where I need to mow the, uh, I was going to say, can you tell what he wasn't doing when he was watching? Yeah. Mow in the grass. Okay. What do you pay the gardener to do? Yeah. Mow the damn grass. Okay. And he's probably like, just call it, just call it out. Just make notice that I have long grass here. Thanks a lot. Right. Hey, did you say Lady kill your duck? Yeah. How do we know the gardener didn't do this? Think about it. That's true. The gardener's like, I don't want to cut the grass. But then I noticed this lady throwing a duck into it. Yeah. By the way, there was a dog walker. There was a dog involved. Yeah. The strangling. Yeah. What did they look like? I was a dog. Was a dog. What kind of dog? It was a terrier. You know, it was a terrier? Terrier is a terrier. Yeah. She guesses what a terrier. Yeah. That's what it was. That's what it was. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. And then was this a man or a lady lady. It was a lady. A string of it got it. Right. She rung and snacked. Yeah. It's crazy. Then you know where she threw it? Right where I was going to cut. Right. I was going to mow right there. I was going to. I had full intentions. That became a crime scene. Yeah. So I taped it up for you. Yeah. That's electrical tape. It's not even caution tape. I know. I didn't have anything else. I was getting ready to mow. It's just like strings of Walmart bags tied together. Yeah. You know what's weird now too? Because she's what Lady Montague. So now you go. I'm emotionally distressed over watching this lady just, you know, kill this duck in front of me. It was a lady. Wait. It was another lady. Oh, not that kind of lady. No. Yeah. Yeah. Not like you. Not like you. You wouldn't do that. Not like you, my lady. Okay. Let's do that. That's how it goes. It says signs on the estate, warn members of the public to keep dogs on a lead. Okay. Listen. So that's when the guard goes. Oh, it wasn't on a lead either. You know what I mean? The dog wouldn't even on a leash. I don't even know what you're talking about. You know? But apparently they ignored it. She was seen leaving in her car after the incident. That's probably just some lady just driving by and they're like, that lady, that lady right there. Yeah. And like he turns his back, throws the P signups and the lady like gives it gives the deuces. Yeah. She throws deuces. Yeah. Deuces and duck lips. He's mocking you. Those are duck lips. He just killed your duck that he she it's a she. What did I say earlier? What did I say? Was it a girl? I said she she. Yeah. That was her. I would never mistake for me. And that's why I thought he correct. Yeah. Yeah. Did I say I? No. It was she. I'm just saying right now. I did not kill your duck. Okay. And we focus on the fact your duck is dead. Yeah. And I didn't do it. I am sad. I am sad and I'm going to need some time off. So you have a duck named Quackers. Yeah. Now we have to just rely on Quackers 700 and Quackers 700 and what? Yeah. I was already sad for you. So it says, it says, who's husband Luke? Oh, is the oldest son of the Earl of Sandwich? Lady Montague. Do you know that guy? Like it's the there is a restaurant you probably know it. That is actually started by one of the relatives of the original Earl of Sandwich. Was it really? No kidding. So I could have like still in that lineage. So I could add like a royal sandwich. I went to downtown. I just don't have the duck. What'd you get? I had the duck. Let me duck. Yeah. Not anymore. We don't. It's like grass. I don't want. So it says, oh, the dog walker left the estate without reporting the incident to come forward addressing her 190,000 followers on Instagram. So if you're a lady, you have 190,000. My wife's a lady. She can just get Instagram followers and then she could just be like, hey, all that checks out. You know what I mean? Well, just tell her that it's on hers and just have her logged into that. I'm going to go and kill her duck. That's what I'm going to do right now. I'm going to go home. I'm going to strangle that duck. Okay. Hey, good news. I got you a duck. Bad news. Hey, guess we ain't cutting the grass for at least a week. Good news. This guy right here. Bad news. It's in the tall grass. I'm not cutting around that damn thing. Yeah. Oh my God. So it says that checks out. He's the Kool-Aid guy busting through the wall. It's a floor jerry. It's busting through a floor. Oh my God. I mean, feel good. Look how much I'm much like where's your face looking in. You want to know what's great though? What's great is there's so much room left on the Kool-Aid guy since I've lost a couple of pounds. It's great. I think if you put your face in there, not even more room, that's it. Hey, I used to feel the Kool-Aid guy. I used to feel him. Okay. Well, let's, let's rephrase. Yeah. I used to feel that Kool-Aid guy right up. Yeah. Let me tell you another guy. Oh, no. Let me tell you another guy that was disappointed. The Kool-Aid guy. Listen, absolutely shocking and appalling incident. We've had crackers for 10 years. How long's the duck? How long's the duck live? I don't know. We have a guy that looks at us. Did you do the duck a favor? Might have done the duck a favor. Could be. 10 years? Yeah. I think it's old. Maybe it was like kill me. Yeah. Maybe it was our duck sounds now. Well, I don't know. It was weird. Kill me. Maybe it was having a stroke and somebody actually cared enough to put it out of its misery. You just gave the three of us to put you down the next time we think you have a stroke. We thought he wasn't breathing. So we held a pillow over. It's recorded. Right. Yeah. Put it on the board. We got it. So it says our gardener heard a commotion. Yeah. What's your, what's your, you know, what's your evidence? Well, can we hook up this, this board? Yeah. That's how, that's how we go to jail because Mack can't hook up the board at the gourd house. Yeah. I promise you it's on the sound board. I promise you. I promise you. You can't show up. He sends Mikayla with terrible instructions. Yeah. I, I was getting, I was doing like, I was doing hand jobs. I couldn't be there. Yeah. We're like, oh stage, stage. That's the word Mack. Stay. Mikayla, can you call Mack? No, no, no. He left the country. Yeah. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. He's just been riding a five step escalator. I'll talk to the escalator down the stairs. I'll talk to the escalator. Like, they're going to fry. So it says, but it says, our gardener heard a commotion and went over to see what's happening. That's a likely story. You know, the gardener's like, I, I heard, I heard the whole thing. She. Isn't that a likely story? Because you know, the gardener here is that duck go, go berserk a thousand times. A thousand times. Me going, oh, there must be somebody here, Minnie's making noise. Right. I want to kill. Oh, must be like my house on the dog barks. Right. Yeah. You know what you could at least do? Stop the dog from bargaining. Oh, look. Hey, more descriptively at this. The duck was chased down by a small brown and white terrier. Now. Now. That's the type of the dog. And the owner saw this happen. And the dog was, the duck was flapping. And she took the duck in her hands and strangled the duck and threw it in the long grass. I don't know. Well, I don't understand. If the dog, if the duck was attacking the dog and the dog was retaliating, then it was a fight. Was it not a leash? Was it not a leash? The duck or the dog at this point, I don't know. Maybe there's some justification. No, it just seems like, yeah, I'll just take care of this. Yeah. You know what? We'll nip this right in the bud. It was probably the gardener. And he should have just, he's like, okay, either tie a noose and put the duck in and be like, did it himself, or I blame it on that lady right over there with the dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The lady is never coming this property ever. I blame it on her. Literally through a treat in the duck's mouth. Yeah. It's weird. It's weird. Hey, case closed. The duck was found wearing only sweet baby raised barbecue sauce, which is so weird because this is in England. So it's so weird. But it said it took us over an hour to find her as the dog owner ran off. She got in her car and left. So do you park your car and then walk your dog around a castle? I mean, is that what they do in England? I don't. It's kind of weird, ain't it? I don't know. It's like, I brought my dog here in the car. We're just going to walk him on enough to kill this dog. I mean, it's not like they have money anymore. Yeah, maybe they charge like what have you walked around? Oh, get this. Seen the crime, only a few feathers are left where crackers was attacked. Quackers. I call them crackers. Crackers would be equally funny. Yeah. Equally funny. But Quackers says to be confusing for the ducks though. Me? Him? Me? Him? Me? Which one of us is going to get strangled? You go ahead. Yeah. You go right ahead. You go first. You were here first. You were here first. You were here first. Quackers has since been buried in the garden. Paul? Gardener. Right. Gardener. So it says, oh, the Mapperton house is set on 1900 acres of grounds. You mean to tell me you have 1900 acres and you couldn't avoid this duck. You could avoid the duck, but you also couldn't keep the duck and his certain coordinates. You're like, look, Quackers gets all 1900. Yeah. Okay. Look, we could give it 1850. Quacker goes where Quacker wants to go. Yeah. I think it can fly. Quackers are made of the people. Instead, stay right here. He's got a mirror and flew away. Yeah. He's a running duck. Didn't he know he could fly? But it says of which there's cattle, chickens, and ducks among its animals. It has recently been conducting a rewilding project and lady, mind you continued. We are deeply upset. The entire team here is upset. Runner ducks are part of Mapperton. We have two other similar runner ducks and they are missing their friend. Here's a deal. You know how awesome the other two ducks are? I don't know their names. Were they Bill and George? What were their names? Well, the whole time we were telling the story, Max is over there like, I don't get it. They killed a bird. Yeah. I do that for fun. Yeah. I do that for fun. Yeah. I've got a medieval torture device. I don't even take the feathers off. Yeah. No way. Here's a deal. I would have choked it, then run it through that. Yeah. I'd have been like, no, there's lots of feathers where this bird was killed because I defethered it. Yeah. So. Back with it. Hey, got it. Yeah. Yeah. So it says they were three musketeers who've been running around looking for him. The fact that she took matters into her own hands literally to do something inhumane is appalling. Now, if this was a goose, because ducks don't really attack, ducks are pretty cool. Okay. Geese. Oh, geese need to be put down. Geese or decks. Geese or decks. Okay. They are huge. Yeah. Huge. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Why didn't we just name them ducks? Yeah. You got your ducks. You're really close. You're really close. I need you to make a noise. That was a duck. You're safe. So here's a quote. We can speak with her and get an explanation. Yeah. And an apology. Sure. A lot of our staff has been affected by the incident. Yeah. Here's a deal. I'm your indentured servant living in a castle. I'm really emotionally stressed over this duck. Yeah. Oh, one last bird to feed. Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm good. Weird. Hey, you know what's weird too? You know, you know, the chef is like, I hate these people. What do we have for dinner? Duck. Yeah. You know, we're your foul. What do we have? I just foul. Some kind of bird. Yeah. But what did I say? That wasn't her. We're going to... Duck. Duck. Yeah. Is it her? Yeah. So but it said, Lady Monica said she believed the suspect you carried out the attack, perhaps had shooting experience, reflecting on the incident, which took place Wednesday and said, What does that have to do? We've had a lot of messages of support from people in the area. You mean like, you mean like in the Nintendo? Is that what she's talking about? Duck Hunt. Was a dog like laughing at her? Oh. If she missed a duck and the duck was laughing at her. Yeah. You're struggling with that duck. This wraps it all up. I totally understand now. Pops out of the long grass and goes, Hey, you're killing that duck. Hey, million dollar idea. Live action duck hunt? No. Duck hunt. We shoot geese. Duck. I like it. Duck hunt. Okay. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Max, do you have any startup capital? No. Okay. See, he's really fast with the nose. I really don't understand. So I... I understand that there was a guy at your church who talked to your wife about startup capital. Oh, yeah. We need that guy. We need that guy. We need that guy. Especially since nobody else knows. Yeah. Jerry fixed that on the fly. Oh, yeah. Jerry, you know where to put that up. Yeah. That's going right on the page. That'll make sense later, everybody. Just pay attention right now. So it's this. She clearly knew how to ring a neck of a duck. So she probably came from the countryside. That seemed pretty stereotyping. Yeah. Okay. The lady was like, I wouldn't know how to ring a duck's neck. It's a cylinder. You know how to ring a cylinder? It's like a towel. Yeah. I was going to say, ever ring out a wash rag? Right. That's a duck snack. You got my wash rag. Yeah. I use a loofah. That's a duck's neck too. Okay. It doesn't matter. Anything you can squeeze in your hand. Duck neck. Okay. It doesn't matter. I'm a guy. Okay. Duck neck. Excuse me. Duck neck. Why does that hurt so bad? Duck neck. Duck neck. Yeah. You say duck, right? People may think their dogs are absolutely perfect and wouldn't harm another animal, but anything can happen. Well, none of those make sense. No. If the duck attacked the dog, fine. You went too far, like defending your dog. The dog seems like it was a duck from the start. Yeah. Attack the stalker. The lady's like, well, gotta take it out. And the duck's like, why? Why? Nothing. Please leave me alone. So this lady Montague used to be on a show in the early 2000s. She started Ladies of London, a society reality TV series that chronicle the lives of six high society women. So like our, uh, you know what I'm talking about. They got to. Rich. Yeah. What's the name of this? Secret wives is something to know. Not wives. Um, yeah. You don't want to talk about it. Housewives. Housewives of L.A. They should do housewives of Shanahan where they're like, okay, she went to work all then. She come home, made some dinner and did some laundry. She was at the Jewels. Yeah. That's the show. Okay. She didn't get on a jet flight of Paris for fashion week while her husband was off making his next 20 billion dollars. I think this housewives is ironic. Yeah. Housewives. No, it's not a house that you live in either mansion. Women. Castle wives. Yeah. Mansion women. Um, but it says that she started her own YouTube channel, which has 223,000 subscribers. Again. Totally jealous. One likes a Braggart. So what we learned today, okay, you know what's weird? What if the guy would have said, what if the guy would have said, look, it was a lady. She was picking her teeth. Okay. She was flossing in line right here with a dog. You know what I mean? I'd be like, I know that lady. I know that lady. This guy did not make that up. Okay. She was at Disney. She's got a thing against Donald. She went and found the next doc. And again, you have three ducks. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe it was the character walked around and we're like, you're gross. She's like, that's it. All right. Then dead on all ducks. Yeah. The ducks, the ducks like literally, the character literally broke character, they go like, gross. She's posing with her husband. He leaves over the guy's like, really? That's the best you could do. Yeah. Did your mom facilitate this? Aren't you like an Earl of Sandwich? Where's mom? Where's your wing man? This is what you picked up. She's gonna give you kids. Yeah. Where can they find his dad? You can find me at St. Rose school. No, I'm just kidding. You can. 21st, September 21st. First row, first table. He's gonna be somewhere. He's standing somewhere. Door 630. Shuman 730. You can find us at checksout.net.net.net.net.net.net, right? That checksout.net. All of the socials at checksout. WDT stands for with Damon and Ted from the brand new audio high podcasting studio. This show has been audio produced by Brian, video produced by Jerry, executive produced by Damon and Ted. That's us. We'll catch you next time. Make sure you hang around for the extras because I think there's gonna be some. Maybe. Nope. No. It's a Kleenex free zone. You should really spend your desk around so you can look at what people are doing. No. No. I couldn't see you before. I don't want to see you. Thanks for. Thanks for shutting that one down right away. You need to look directly at you. Yeah. Where's the suggestion box? No. No. I actually, I put tape over the slot. You can't put anything in there. No. The thing's just bent as they hit the head. Yeah. His hand, his hand comes through the back and he just takes it from me, tears it up right in front of me. I'm gonna back on that box. I don't even understand what I just did. He just, he does a hole in a garbage bag. I was gonna say, yeah. It like goes right in the. You sure of the shredder? Yeah. Yeah. You just write a suggestion box on the shredder. That looks like a. No. It's not a shredder at all. Just put it in there. Yeah. Don't even, don't listen to it though. Sound like the hand dryer? That noise that makes is, is it processing? Yeah. Sounds like a hand dryer. Don't use it during the recording. Yeah. How you do that with your mouth? I watched you do it. No. No, not at all. That was the machine. Wanna see my floppy disk? No. No. No. No. No.