Rabbi Joey Soffer Shiurim
Shaare Teshuva-4
Good morning everybody, today is September 9, 9, 9. Okay, we are continuing Sharaet Tishua. Sharaet is showing my page, you're the right in the right hand side, a few months from the bottom. My name is David Alaba Shalom. I do not know what to do with Sharaet. I share in front of you, you know all my desires, that I feel bad. It's not hidden in front of you. In front of you, everything is in front of us, all my desires are in front of you. All I want to do is worship you. So the weakness of the whole habit over here is my sins that are the weakness of my abodeafu. (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) That's what he's talking about, okay, so let me hear you. So what did he say, one of the rabbis, when he was praying, what did he say, he said, (speaks in foreign language) I'm so worn out from fear, from fearing you. (speaks in foreign language) Take away this, for me, this fear. (speaks in foreign language) All the worries that I have for the fact that I did not worship you properly. (speaks in foreign language) Remove this awful feeling that I have, right, that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I embed on the bottom, look at the bottom. (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Oh, different way to understand. It says the different version of the teffila, where the rabbi is supposed to say, please, I should remove the dagger from my heart because I didn't worship you properly, is he's saying that the fact that I worship you properly remove this worry from my heart 'cause I did worship you, okay, two versions, fine. Okay, y'all, (speaks in foreign language) Here we go. (speaks in foreign language) Is to feel bad. You have to have remorse for what you did, everyone. You can't make the Shubah if you're happy for what you did. If you enjoy what you did, and you're still at it, okay, so I'm gonna do it again, it was good, right? The only way to make the Shubah is that, (speaks in foreign language) What did I do? (speaks in foreign language) Right? (speaks in foreign language) You have to have suffering because of the action. (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Okay, you sing. Shubah, come back, fullheartedly, (speaks in foreign language) How are you gonna do that? Some, but first, (speaks in foreign language) with crying, (speaks in foreign language) You're sitting down, (speaks in foreign language) Right, fairly terrible. (speaks in foreign language) Right, this is a very, very good advice. So as your eyes and your heart, those are the two, (speaks in foreign language) is a broker, is an agent, the agent for sin. Those are the guys that are gonna make the bad. When you want to sin, your heart and your eyes, they're gonna make the sad. (speaks in foreign language) Okay, don't be swayed, right, while your eyes, or your heart, (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Right, your eyes sees and then you have the desire. (speaks in foreign language) How do you make, (speaks in foreign language) for the sin of these agents, your eyes, and your heart. (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Right, your heart can have, (speaks in foreign language) by feeling bad. You use that desire to say, now you have to use that heart, use all your internal feelings, right, with your heart, with your feelings. Feelings of remorse, by feeling brokenhearted. (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) I'm overcome by this, right, this feeling of remorse. (speaks in foreign language) It will even love to say, right, if your heart isn't broken and your, then Hashem is not going to ignore you. I'm gonna disgrace you. (speaks in foreign language) The way to understand this, example, you have utensil that became impure spiritually impure. (speaks in foreign language) Right, (speaks in foreign language) certain utensils you can culture, you can make them tahor in through McVear. Some of them, you can't. So, the way you break, the way you make those tahors is to break them. You shatter. So, you have a shit, so if you have this, your heart that has become impure from the sin, you have to break your heart, you have to feel brokenhearted, you have to feel. (speaks in foreign language) Right, these utensils are made out of pottery and oven, right, or (speaks in foreign language) is like a stove top. Break it. (speaks in foreign language) How do you make tishwah with your eyes? You send me the eyes? Tears, tears, crying, feeling bad. Your eyes saw, and then your heart desired. You made the sin. How do you make tishwah for your eyes and your heart? You cry, and you feel bad. (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Right, that my eyes cried tears, a river, (speaks in foreign language) like a river of tears, why (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Right. I didn't say that I didn't keep my, I didn't say in the Pasuc, (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) I didn't say that I didn't keep the Torah, it's (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) What didn't show, what was it? My eyes didn't work so much. I mean, the Pasuc is told by your eyes. (speaks in foreign language) So, the way you make tishwah for your eyes when you look at the things you weren't supposed to, to cry. (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Good. (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) So, I have to have remorse. Part of my tishwah is now, okay. I had remorse, but you know what? Who said God's accepting my tishwah? Maybe he's not. Maybe I'm not, maybe he's still, he still has to be payment. I got a pot. I got a check line down. I bought him. I did something I wasn't supposed to do. And God says, okay. You want tishwah, show me the money. You gotta pay for this one. It's not free, right? So, I have to worry that maybe I have to, I have to be punished, right? It says (speaks in foreign language) The next (speaks in foreign language) is to have fear. Don't be worried. (speaks in foreign language) If they be scared, then you're going to be punished. (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) There's different levels of different sins that have different types of tishwah, which we'll go through as we go along. But some of them, tishwah, all it does is, it puts pause, puts you on pause. And now, in order to get rid of the sin altogether and erase it clean, it takes you suiting. It takes suffering sometimes. Depends on what the sin was. So, (speaks in foreign language) puts you on pause. You're not going to be punished yet. But, (speaks in foreign language) So, you're like in limbo, right? You're not? (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) When you have suffering, that's mimarek. That's the claim, that's how you clean the sin. (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) I'm going to say my sin, that's my admission of my sin. And now, I have to worry about the sin, right? (speaks in foreign language) I have to worry about what I did in the past. (speaks in foreign language) is God gonna punish me. So, I'm worried about what I did, 'cause I sinned, oh my God, and I get myself into this scenario. And then, I got to worry that, oh my gosh, how am I getting into this scenario? Right? (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Right. Who said, I'm at the right level of tishuwa for the sin? Maybe I need to cry enough, maybe I don't feel bad enough, maybe I don't, maybe I don't know how much I need to put into this. (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Let's say he was over the top, right? Tongs. (speaks in foreign language) Maybe, maybe my guilt was so much, that's what I needed at least. I mean, I don't know if I got to the right level that I need yet to get tishuwa. (speaks in foreign language) Maybe the math of tears and the real of daga that I had, the worries is still not enough to come to erase the sin. (speaks in foreign language) Anyone who sits down for a minute, seriously, and thinks about how much is our requirement to worship our creator? How much do we owe to our creator? How much? And kids, (speaks in foreign language) You realize that there is no end to the America someone who's rebelling against this creator. There's no end to how much tishuwaah he needs to do. (speaks in foreign language) Whatever he does, he'll realize it's still gonna look like a little bit because of all the hasadim, all the good things that we don't even pay attention to, that God gives us every day, every minute, and then we want, and I talked about it on Friday, we just put it in his face sometimes, and we just do things that we don't think twice, and we do it, and we don't even realize, and then when we do realize, we don't feel bad, and then we don't feel bad, but God's giving you everything, everything, so that's what you do. (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) He stops doing a bit wrong, what do I mean? (speaks in foreign language) Even though he's smart enough to stop, (speaks in foreign language) But nevertheless, (speaks in foreign language) he's still fearful. (speaks in foreign language) Maybe I didn't fulfill my obligation. (speaks in foreign language) I didn't do what I was supposed to do to make this work properly. (speaks in foreign language) Similarly, (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Even though I'm now wealthy, I'm still worried, wealthy with positive things, not monetary wealth, I'm now wealthy with, okay, I'm making sure I'm doing what's worth, I'm building up my credits on my account, I'm still worried, I don't have enough to cover that debit that I had over there when I did, that's it. (speaks in foreign language) Like this, don't understand this (speaks in foreign language) Like this, don't understand this (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) Like this, (speaks in foreign language) You understand that the way we explain so far, (speaks in foreign language) as it means, again, (speaks in foreign language) is fearful, moves away from evil, (speaks in foreign language) How should you explain the patsuk, (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Flip it around the order, (speaks in foreign language) A small guy, (speaks in foreign language) Right, turns away from doing evil, (speaks in foreign language) and then he's still scared about what he did before. (speaks in foreign language) 'Cause otherwise, what do you say? Okay, I did it and I'm gonna finish, (speaks in foreign language) I got it, no, no, no, no, no, you don't know if you made (speaks in foreign language) How do I know that that's the right way to learn the patsuk? He says, 'cause if you look at the continuation, it says (speaks in foreign language) Someone who's foolish continues what he's doing and he's happy, (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) The assumption is that the fool is the inverse of the (speaks in foreign language) Right, I have the smart guy, and then the patsuk is the fool. (speaks in foreign language) He's continuing to do what he's doing. (speaks in foreign language) And he's still not concerned that he's gonna happen to him, which means he continues to do the sin. So when I say the (speaks in foreign language) it should be sad, he moves away from the sin, 'cause the end of the patsuk is the fool continues sinning. So when I look at the first part of the patsuk, it should be the (speaks in foreign language) Stop from sinning, right? And then you're there, and he's still fearful. Just like the fool continues sinning, and he don't care, (speaks in foreign language) Stop sinning, and he's still kids. (speaks in foreign language) Next, (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Now that I've got to this point where I'm worried, I need to worry not only about what I did, I need to worry, I'm not gonna fall in the same trap again. How do I know I'm not gonna fall into this sin again? That's my word. The (speaks in foreign language) should worry further. (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Don't trust yourself until the day you did. What's that mean? Even if you made (speaks in foreign language) and you were able to fight off the urge for that particular sin you made to Shiva, and you wiped it out, you know, you never do this again, never, never. And you had opportunities, and you didn't, and you were able to do a fight off. Don't ever say, you know what? I'm never falling in that trap again. No, you know when you could say that? The day you die, the day you die, you could say that. Because why? You never know. If that gets out as it'll attack you again, he may beat you the next time, you don't know. You were able to fight off 10 times, it doesn't mean you're gonna fight it off 11 times. You don't know. You wanna know what you can do when you're in the grave. (speaks in foreign language) For sure, if you already beat you once on that sin, even the sin you never fell into, don't think, "Oh, I would never do that. "Ah, I'm never doing that." (speaks in foreign language) That's above me, I'm not. Can't say that, and now that, if it's something you already fell out before, for sure it's even harder. (speaks in foreign language) If that's what I want to talk about, I'll tell you why. (speaks in foreign language) Every single day, at some point in the day, (speaks in foreign language) is going to attack you and be stronger than you. (speaks in foreign language) If yeah. (speaks in foreign language) We do that, I'll tell you why. So it's a good point. You've heard of me doing it, let me say, I wanna talk about it, what did you say? Like this. (speaks in foreign language) Okay, so what we do, I got though, we're trying to cover every single sin for the following reason. Really, a person needs to make vidui for the sins that he did. And there's, there are, the vidui doesn't cover every single sin. It covers the most common sins. If there's a sin that you did, that you knew that you did, you need to say it. It's not erased in this vidui. So if there's something that you know you did, you gotta specify it. We write this for people, 'cause they forget, not sure what I did, what I said, plus, plus, you know, we don't, we're saying it out loud. So, if only saying your own sins, the guy standing next to you is gonna hear, oh no, now I know what this, I gave that, I gave that, this guy, that, that, that. So it gets a little, it gets a little, so we say everybody says everything together so that you don't really know which is the one that you did, 'cause these things are there that you're saying that you know you didn't do, all right? Some of them, you know, 100%, I didn't do that, all right? So, but you're saying it anyway, why are you saying that one? 'Cause the guy next to you, maybe he did it and maybe you don't know, you know, so if you're only saying what you did, then everyone knows how you said it, then we don't wanna do that, all right? So, very important to know that if you did a sin that's not in there, 'cause they're not all there, you gotta say it. You have to admit it to yourself, all right? So, keep that in mind, but yes, but that's what trying to do, we're trying to cover every potential sin. - When do you say it? - In the middle, if you do, I've got the all, whichever the letter you're up to, stick you the one in there that you said in there, let me say it. Okay, so he says that we, I said that, ill malle, ill malle, hakadosh barokube, isro eno ajo lo yi yi yi yi yi zara, attach you every single day, it's important today, for whatever sin it is, and if our sham is not there to help you, it's impossible for the details, all right? So, he's saying over here, don't believe in yourself, right? Of course you can, if you already did it and you tasted the sin, and your body enjoyed it, and you knew it was fun, and now you wanna cut the fighter off again, much harder, much harder. And therefore, the hosif, and I'll show you, (speaks in foreign language) This period of trying them in right now, I told you, it's like going to the gym to build your muscles, you need to build your attachem in these 30 days, and the way to build your attachem is to understand that attachem is there every single second. Look at this, this book, I haven't, I'll pick anything you want, good book, I look at this book, oh my God, think about this for a second, how did this book get here? Somebody sat down and typed it, who gave that person the knowledge, who gave that person the knowledge, had a right? Wow, and then what did he do? They sent it to someone who edited, who gave the knowledge to the editor, and then they had to print it, who gave the knowledge to the printer to create the ink, to create the machine, to bring it, to print it, and then they printed it, and then someone had to organize, sell it, how many people in the stages, how many people touched this book before learning that I might find it. How many, who gave the knowledge to every single one of those people? That's able to... Hashem is at every second, then you can look at the day, look at the cup, it's a piece of paper, it was a tree, who played the scene, and it grew, and they created it, and then they had to ship it, and then they would create the tree, right here, and then sell it, the trucker, the gasoline for the truck, but they were like, everything that came, where did all that knowledge come from? Where did it come from? Everything that's in front of us, every second is Hashem. There's no other way around it, if I can understand during an expiry day, Hashem is watching every minute, every minute, every minute, and you keep putting that in your head, you keep putting that in your head, Hashem is here, it's all over the place, and I look, instead of looking at this, it's a piece of paper, I look at, oh my God, Hashem did this, I put this cup in front of me over here, and now it's in front of me all day, so I can build up my year at Hashemites, I can build up my year at Hashemites, and I have a chance to beat the year to heart out, 'cause then I know, okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah, you come and stop with me, no, no, no, I'm hurtful, you got the wrong guy, see you later, I'll be here. So, it's our job during this time of year to try to build up that knowledge that Hashem is watching, Hashem is here, Hashem is in front of us. Fine, okay, thank you. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Try to attack, you break you down, (speaking in foreign language) He also, by the way, is getting stronger, I told you, as you get stronger, (speaking in foreign language) also gets stronger, because it has to be an equal balance all the time, because if you become like this, and it says like this, there's no more reward anymore. You know, there's no reward, Hashem, that can't reward you when it's very easy. It has to be that as you grow, your It's not, that gets bigger, and you're always on par with your It's not. Because then I have a chance to say, Hashem, hey, I could have beat this, I could have lost, but I won. So, Hashem is all you did, you're gonna get reward. But if I became giant, and my It's not, I became tiny, and the inverse is also true, right? When the guys that I shot, middle shot, his It's not, that's like this. Because if his It's not like this, and he's here, he says, Hashem, huh, what do you offer me, I can't beat that guy. It has to be that you're able to beat him. So, as you grow, your It's not, that grows. As the guy goes down, his It's not, that goes down also. So, it's always this balance in place over here. So, I have to be able to build my It's not, Hashem, I, because as I do that, I have a better chance to beat my It's not, fine. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Somebody who's a Sadik, you know what they do? They look at this guy, this guy, this guy, wow. And they say something good about this guy, this guy comes every morning to show. I see this guy, he's praying with Kavana. He's pointing out, and he's giving Kavot to the Benin Adam, Akom Alatova, any good tribe of the traits that he finds in this person. (speaking in foreign language) The guys that are evil, (speaking in foreign language) they're looking for the opposite, they're pointing. You know what this guy did, this guy, this guy. All right, this guy, you heard this guy? You heard him, did you hear what this guy did, right? (speaking in foreign language) They're happy when the guy makes a mistake, right? (speaking in foreign language) They want to put them down. Some guys, right, the way that they feel good about themselves is by putting everybody else down. So that's not a Shah guy, he puts everybody else down. The Sadik puts everybody up, right? (speaking in foreign language) Even if the guy made Tishuvah already, then a Shah is still saying, oh yeah, look at this guy. He thinks he's the Tami Kaka now, I know who he is, I remember what he used to do this guy, you know, he's got his name. (speaking in foreign language) And then says the next, after that, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Famous pursuit that we say over millions of times in this time of the year, right? Someone who covers up his pressure, his sins. (speaking in foreign language) You can't hide them under the carpet, it doesn't work. (speaking in foreign language) You can't hide from a chef, what do you hide from a chef? It's catching yourself, if you think you can hide something from a chef, he already knows. (speaking in foreign language) If you admit to it, (speaking in foreign language) If the Osab, you stop it, then you don't harm. I'm sure I'll forgive you. (speaking in foreign language) Look, I want to talk a little bit of the Adam, even though guys make it to Shiva, right? It's not supposed to tell his sins to others. And that's why we do Anna every day silently, right? So in this time of year, when everybody's making it to Shiva, so we do it in public, together, we say it out loud. But during the year, it's private. Whatever I did, I did. No one needs to know what I'm doing. You say it quietly, right? We don't say a shamnu out loud, say it quietly. So we're not supposed to let people know your sins. (speaking in foreign language) Like it says in this Basup, when the Rashad gets up, he's looking at these people, (speaking in foreign language) Just because you're not supposed to let others know, doesn't mean you can't, you're part two from admitting. You have to admit to your sin. You commit it to yourself, right? And quietly, people are not listening. (speaking in foreign language) With that attempt, a sham, I'm going to say on my sins to you, I'm going to let you know, (speaking in foreign language) I'm not hiding them up in an image, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) I'm going to Rash, I'm saying, I'm going to judge you. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) And what you said, (speaking in foreign language) I'm going to judge you because you said you didn't sin. Oh, you didn't sin? That's why I'm talking, right? Oh, you think you said you didn't sin? Very funny. Let's take out the book. Let's take a look what says over here. Oh, look at this guy, this guy said you didn't sin. The book like this, what are you talking about? If you say you're sin, so no problem. Every time you admit it, rip the page out, rip the page out, rip the page out, I mean, I think I'm going to finish. Okay, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Okay, (speaking in foreign language) says points to this part, (speaking in foreign language) as sins between men to men. (speaking in foreign language) Oh shit, right? If someone stole something, they only make the big tissue bars to return it. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Or, you know, if you insulted somebody, you don't get tissue bar, but you don't keep up with that. You've got to go, it's for forgiveness. (speaking in foreign language) You spoke evil, that person, whatever you did, embarrassed the guy, the only way to get the shoe bar is to go ask for forgiveness. (speaking in foreign language) You want to cover up that sin, boy? (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Another scenario where this person could apply is you did a sin between you and men, but you didn't, people know about it now, you did it publicly. (speaking in foreign language) A person who sins publicly, right? Is disgracing God's name, public sin? Everyone knows that sin, right? (speaking in foreign language) He has to show public remorse so that he can now do (speaking in foreign language) who disgraced God's name in public. Well, you better now sanctify God's name in public. (speaking in foreign language) I had my head, I was consoled. (speaking in foreign language) I right have this nail, this saw, this pain that I had and this regret. (speaking in foreign language) As we said before, the main part of Tishuvah is these bad feelings to understand that I did something wrong. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) After I've now said my sins in public, with (speaking in foreign language) I feel bad for what I did in (speaking in foreign language) It looks like I'm hitting my election in my heart, (speaking in foreign language) I believe now I'm gonna put myself on the right path and knock myself onto the right way. (speaking in foreign language) I'm now walking on the straight path. We'll continue tomorrow, (speaking in foreign language)