Pop Culture Man Children
358: The Pest (1997)
(upbeat music) - Welcome to Pop Culture Man Children. I'm Mike Bonjour. I'm joined today by Mr. Vincent Forte. - Oh man, are we gonna talk about diarrhea this episode? - Bin Forte! - I listen to over episodes. I know what this podcast is about. - Thank you so much. Well, I don't have any diarrhea to talk about. Do you have any diarrhea to talk about? - I know, or we all took our lactate before doing this. - Yeah, yeah, it is, but I do feel kind of crummy lately. I don't know what it is. - I've been changing the weather? - No, I've been trying to change my sleep schedule and get up earlier. And I feel like that's been super disruptive to all of my systems. But, yeah, maybe I'm just old, I don't know. I'm gonna be 41 soon. And I don't know, man, I just don't feel good. (laughs) - Like everyone's getting older. - It just don't feel good. - How are you feeling? - I'm feeling better. I was telling you off, Mike, that I lost 10 pounds. - Awesome. - I've been going outside, getting the old exercise in. And yeah, I kind of feel the same way, where I kind of hit a point, where I was just like, things need to change. Like you can't, like I can't let time beat me so soon. And I feel, yeah, one of the big things, honestly, for the people who, I know there's tons of people in the same boat, I bought a scale, which I've been hesitant to do for a long time. But you need that scale to know what the progress is. 'Cause like this is gonna be weeks where like you get on the scale, and it's like, oh, nothing really happened. But then you need to know that, okay, you could get on it a week later, and you'll have lost like eight pounds or whatever. - Right. Yeah, I think the scale can become addictive. I think it's bad to check every day. I wake myself once a week, always on the same day. So you can see better progress. Every day could be a problem, especially because like, you know, your metabolism is always going, you know, you could have just, you could have a lot of volume in you, you know what I mean. Every, things can change from day to day that aren't actually giving you a good picture of your overall health, whereas I feel like once a week is the best way to do it. - Yeah, absolutely. And you know what, you know, it'll make you not want to eat, watching a lot of the pests. - Well, it made me want to eat some delicious roast duck. - Oh, that's true. - So, yeah, today we're talking about the 1997 motion picture, the pests starring John Leguizamo, Harry Spears and Jeff Jones. - Oh, that cad. - That rap scallion. - Yeah, he's that old vagabond. - He's not in the new Beetlejuice movie for reasons. - No, I wonder why. - You want to make him all Jeffy a call. - It is interesting. Or maybe it's just not the right word. It is creepy that this movie he's like at the beginning, he's like going around looking for someone and he keeps talking about like, I'm looking for the right specimen. - Yeah, there is a lot. - Yeah, knowing what we know now about Jeffery Jones, it is weird that, yeah, he's a lot of him driving around dressed like the safari guy in Jumanji. - Yeah. - It's like, I'm looking for the right specimen. - Same thing-- - Bring me the boys. - Same thing with his character in First Bueller. There's a lot of weird stuff there. But besides the Jeffery Jones of an all, this is an awful movie. - Yeah, and it's funny 'cause I think we're in the same boat where like when I was a kid, I love this movie. Like this was like, that was a big John Leguizamo fan because of two things really before the past came along. One, the Super Mario Brothers movie. - Hell yeah. - 'Cause I didn't know any better. - Look it up. - Yeah, 'cause I didn't know any better and I loved Super Mario Brothers and I went over to sleep over at an older house. It is, I'll defend it to this day. But I went over to sleep at an older cousin's house and he was like, hey, you like Super Mario Brothers, guess what? They made a movie. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? And we just did and we watched it and I was like, this is fucking amazing. - Yeah. - So I loved him as Luigi. I think he did a great job. - Yes. - And then also his HBO special. - Yes, right, right, me too. He did a couple of HBO specials. The first one, which was really good, I think it was called Freak. - There was Freak, there was Mambo Mouth and there's one that we can't say. - Okay. It's a word for Latinos, it was a blank aroma. - There's a lot of stuff in today's episode that we won't be able to say. - Oh yeah, oh yeah. - But Freak was based on his one man show, which was kind of like his big thing and it's like dramatic. He plays every member with his family and his abusive father. It was great. And so if you go in thinking, oh wow, he's this amazing performer. He's so funny, he can embody all these characters. And you go into the past thinking that's the kind of thing you're going to get. The Freak, the past, so this is going to be really deep. - You kind of, like you could see what they were trying to do. Basically they also wanted him to be the next Jim Carrey is the everything. - Oh, incredibly so, incredibly so. - Because all this movie is, it's him like, we're going to shuffle him from one situation to the next where he can put on like a disguise or an accent or, I mean, the whole beginning of the movie, maybe the best part of the movie in a weird way is that music number. - I agree, I agree. It begins with this rap. Well, the song is called Voodoo Mambo. - Yeah. - And I've got the lyrics here. I want to read through these. I'm not going to necessarily perform it because again, I'm not out here to get canceled talking about the past. I can kind of, first of all-- - He says the R word, he definitely says the R word. - He says a lot of words in here and he does a lot of math sense. So, the idea with the past is that the character's name is, what's his work, Pestario? - Yeah. - And Pestario, he's a young man. He's obviously like 43, but he's supposed to be like, I don't know, like 18 or whatever. - But he's like a con artist, you're a flim-flam man. - Right, but not in a dangerous way. You know, like Zack Morris way. You know, like he's like, oh, let's pull these scams. There's just a bunch of fun. Oh, we're always having fun scamming people. - Yeah, a great example is there's a scene when he's walking around early in the movie where he's like, oh, let's go get some lunch and he scams these like grade school kids out of their lunch and their lunch money by like playing them in basketball and cheating. - Yes, yes, which does he know those kids? Or is he just-- - I don't know. - And what does he win? He wins their school lunches. - Yeah. - All right, so let me give you some of these lyrics. And it begins with him. He's in the shower singing about himself. - Yeah, and he's also like every, basically every time there's a new bar or set of lyrics, he kind of like changed like it is a new cut to like a new disguise. - Yeah, and a new like new props and stuff. - Yeah. - I like to party with my peeps, cruise and creep playing three-card Monty on these crazy streets, straight hustler. I'm gonna scam in a minute, so low to the floor, pick the pocket on the M word for little people. - Yeah. - Slick Scheister, the best Meister, live in life in Miami's vice. And then in an end to a G-Roberson voice, he says, "Ma, see, nobody messin' with the frog, see?" Then he's got, boy, then he's got on thick glasses. And he's, I got, he's supposed to be doing an Asian caricature, but he's also kind of doing like Jerry Lewis voice. - Oh, I was just gonna say, like, I don't know if he's doing an Asian character or if he was doing like, like, yeah, like a nutty professor. - I'm conflating it with later on when he does a couple of different-- - Oh, he definitely does it later on. - Yeah. Light, nice lady, I'm hurting. I'm sexy, but I'm hurting. All right, already. My favorite line, I'm ridiculous, like a boogie, I stick to this. Take a whiff of this, P. Farts, and then dress like Dracula. I go, I was like, the Count from "Sister Street." He says, "One stinky dinky, ha, ha, ha." Two stinky dinky, ha, ha, ha. This is the first minute of this movie. - Yeah, there's a lot going. I could see how someone watches this first minute and it's just like, okay, I'm out. - And you also would not, if you watched that, you would get an idea of the tone, but if you said, okay, what's the plot of this movie? You would not guess, oh, I bet some guy who wants to hunt man is gonna trick him into a contract where he's gonna hunt him. - Yeah, this is a classic, like, bait and switch movie. - Yeah. - Yeah, like, you think it's gonna be one thing and then it's like, oh, he's on this island for a while in the movie and he's being hunted, like-- - A private island that's close enough to Miami, Florida that he gets-- (laughs) - Yeah, but we're getting ahead of ourselves. - We're on the wall. - We're on the wall. Who's the slickest of them all? I'm the schemiest, keenest scam artist. God, it's so hard to be honest. Jack might be nimble, but I'm a sex symbol. So slick, I stole the wick from his candlestick. I'm in the mood to scam simply because I can. He does that-- - Alfalfa. - Alfalfa from (laughs) I'm Aladdin who-- - It's like Alfalfa? - Yeah. - I'm Aladdin who, you know, he has, like, his hair, like, he keeps changing and you see, like, outside his family's waiting to go into the bathroom and you just, there's no reality in this movie, but you would think, like, this guy's taking a shower and he's, like, taking time to, like, change costumes. - Yeah, I think you can hear him and, like, clearly. - Like, oh, he's doing his rap again. He's doing his whole thing again. - He's doing his stinky-dinky. - Is he up to the, what voice is he up to? Oh, I think he just did Alfalfa. - Yeah, he didn't even do the caramel randy yet. - Hey, Lucy, I'm home. Don't do that to me, Lucy. He's doing Ricky Ricardo. Free to the east, free to the west, great big booties and big chests. Then, yes, y'all, it's like that. Why, certainly, knock, knock, knock. He does curly from "The Three Stooges" a couple of times in this movie. It's stupid, get our word, 'cause pests will get the party started, which way did he go, George, which way did he go? Of "Sluity Tunes." This movie is sort of a cartoon. But, you know, if you saw this movie, I think, if you saw this opening scene, I think you could easily be like, oh, this is probably, like, the Dana Carvey vehicle, "Master of the Skies." This is probably a kid's movie, right? And you'd be like, no, because all of the comedy in this movie has one specific theme, which is race and ethnicity. Everybody has one thing. And your thing could be your Scottish, your thing could be your Chinese, your thing could be your gay, and that's all that defines you. And all the jokes are based on those things. That's it, there's no with nothing else. And much like "Master of the Skies," like, if you watch, I don't know how long ago you've watched "Master of the Skies," but I don't know if I've ever watched the whole thing, but honestly. - That may be something to put on the docket for a later episode, but it's another one where, like, he becomes the "Master of the Skies" and does, like, two disguises, and then, like, rest of the movie is a whole other vehicle. And I feel like that's kind of the same way here, where it's like, yeah, you see him doing a lot of these small cons in the beginning, and once the movie gets going, it's like, you've been really on it anymore. - No, he doesn't, it reminds me a little bit of the, this is another late '90s classic, the "Jurkey Boys" movie. - I was thinking exactly the same thing. - Well, he's trying to get out of situations. He finds ways to bring in characters. - Yes. (laughing) - Fuck, yeah. But you know what? He doesn't always, I think this might be, again, I'm not an adult, but this might be my low, I think the worst kind of comedy, the "Master of the Skies" comedy, that I'm gonna dress up as different things, because John Leguizamo is, I think, talented at doing accents. He does do accents well, but he doesn't have the content. Like, at one point in the beginning, he sees, like, an Irish priest, which also shows you, it's like a saved-a-cat moment, it shows you, like, oh, Pest is a bad guy. He's just a scam artist, that's all. He's good, he scams for the church. So, he sees this Irish priest, and he does an Irish accent, because he also does this thing where, with everybody he encounters, he pretends to be what they are. They're one ethnic thing. He's like, I'm that thing, too. - Yeah, he's constantly, like, throwing it back in everyone's face. - Yeah, but he says things like, leprechaun, lucky charms, magically delicious. Like, that's the level of, like, reference he makes. - Yeah, like, doesn't he, later on, when he's trying to do the Asian accent, he does the classic, that's the wrong word to use. The cliche, like, oh, Mitsubishi Honda, like, since you see, like, just naming Japanese things. - Nothing's worse than when he's pretending to, like, read or speak a different language. It's just the racist kid in your third grade class. - Yeah. - He's doing it. It's ridiculous. - You're being ridiculous. - Like a boogie, I stick to this. I gotta give some credits here 'cause all credit words do, of course, if anything PCMC believes in that. It's directed by Paul Miller, who, his career's really interesting. He directs a lot of non-fiction TV. So he does, like, Carol Burnett 90th Anniversary Special, or, what's his face is, Christmas Special, or, like, he does some stand-up comedy specials. The best way I can describe him is, he doesn't really do TV shows, but he does non-fiction TV specials. - Okay. - The movie is written by John Le Guizamo and David Barcats, who really has done nothing. - Now, going back to that, to the song at the beginning, though. - Yes, please. - I think I've already revealed this. - You talk about that the entire episode, if you like. - I do. (laughs) We, we, I think I've mentioned this to you and we initially were approaching this topic, so you may already know the answer. But, do you know who sings the actual Voodoo Mambo part? - The, the female Vocal Voodoo Mambo. - Yes. - No, who? - Maya Rudolph. - What? - Why? - Because her dad, Richard Rudolph, did the score for the film, and Maya Rudolph, at that point, was trying to be a singer. She was in the Band of Rentals, which I'm a big fan of, for a little while. She did some solo stuff. - And her mother was in the movie. - Her mother was Minnie Ripperton, who did "Love in You." She was like, "I don't know if he even does, you're a beauty." 'Cause at the end of that song, she starts singing the word Maya. - Right, right, right. So, wow. - Weird F&L connection. - That's not, I was not a, I don't know who I thought you were saying, but I did not think you would say Maya Rudolph. - Right? - That's absolutely wild. That's such interesting. I wonder if, you know, you, you guys, she's out, you have a few drinks, you go, you know, I can do a little Voodoo Mambo for everybody. Come on. (laughs) - Which, that piece of music though, like, take the rapping out of it. Like, they keep returning too. It's like a runner in the film. - It's neat. - Best, it's great. It's actually a great thing. - And in some ways, it reminds me of the score to Ace Ventura. I think Jim Carrey is an interesting comp here, because I think they are trying to go for that. 'Cause this is very Ace Ventura-esque. He does this thing throughout the movie when he's not doing, when he's not doing an accent, and he's, I guess, doing his normal speaking voice, or the character's doing my speaking voice, he'll be like, he won't say like, "I liked it." He'll be like, "I liked it in it." Like, he does a lot of that. - You know, I had extra syllables, yeah. - Yeah. I wanna go back to what we were saying before. So you know, you were talking about how you liked it as a kid. I think this is the difference between our ages, because I'm like, what, five years older than you, and more than that? - Yeah. - I would have liked this as a kid, but it came out when I was like, when I was a little older. So I didn't check it out, and then I finally saw it when I was like in my early 20s, and I had a friend who was like, "Oh, you're gonna like this movie?" And we watched it, and I was like, "Really?" I was like, "This is," and I was sort of a comedy snob at that point. So I was like, "This is terrible. "I don't even know if I finished it. "I think I watched just most of it." I probably found more joy out of watching it now because of just how insanely bad it is. It's got, it's not-- - It's not honestly. - Well, it's not like boring. It's not slow. In fact, it's obnoxiously high-paced. Like Ace Ventura, but even more so. Like, it's actually exhausting to watch this movie, 'cause John Lee Wizamo never ever is off. He's on, from the second the movie begins, his switch is on, and he is on, and he is going, and he's talking fast and double-talking and swapping into different. I don't know where the costumes he gets come from, but he's ready to do it. So sometimes-- - Very funny and preface you. - Yeah. Some of his disguises, I think, are not necessary. Like, he has a job as a delivery person at a Chinese restaurant. - And he's pretending to be Chinese, but it's like, you don't need to be Chinese to be a delivery driver. - Right, right. You obviously get off on this because you can, this is not a scam. This is, you have an actual job here. You don't need to put on a mushroom haircut wig and be doing an offensive accent. You don't need that. That's not necessary. - And that's one of the scams that lasts way too long. Like, you think it's good, 'cause he's on the run at that point. So you think it's gonna be like, oh, he runs in for like two minutes and then runs out and goes somewhere else. But like, they linger on that fucking Chinese food delivery scene for quite a little bit. - Yeah, right. Well, yeah, because, so Jeffrey Jones is in it, and he plays a German. 'Cause again, everything, this whole movie's just predicated on your ethnicity or your race, everything. Everybody has one stroke, right? - Yeah. - So he's a German, which also means he's a Nazi, okay? So he's an evil German, and he's rich, and he's going, when you see him in the beginning, going around with his like partner, or his like man-servant, and they're looking for like a specimen, which we find out later is he's a hunter, but he ran out of animals to hunt. So now he hunts man, but not just humans. He's hunted every race and ethnicity, and the last one left is a Latino person. But the, oh God, it's so fucked up. And yeah, when he goes to his private island, he sees like human heads on the wall, like stuffed heads. - Yeah. - And he'd like, you see like an African American head, and a Chinese head, and a Japanese head, and then there's one empty spot for him, and it's, I'm not gonna say the whole thing, but the plaque beneath the thing says a made-up Latin word. Latin-us, right, and then the second word is a slur. - Yeah. - Yes, yes. As they would say in the 1990s, this movie's not offensive, 'cause they give it to everybody. - Right, right. - Remember like when your uncle would say that shit? - I'm an equal opportunity offender. - Yeah, I'm, I give it to everybody. - I don't just hate blacks, I hate everyone. - Right, right, right, including blacks. - Yeah, yeah, they're just in the mix. - Right. So I didn't like it. - So basically what this movie does is, yes, when I read this on the Wikipedia, I was like, did they really like, either get the rights or it was in the public domain, and they really, like this movie is really a take on the world's most dangerous game? Like this is what they do with that idea. - Yeah, yeah. - Where it's like, we're gonna hunt man, but it's gonna be John Leguizamo as the pest. - Yeah. - And basically like they, like you said, Jeffrey Jones and this hedge man looking for people to hunt, they find him, then that's like 20 minutes into the movie. Then the next like 45 minutes are him on this island, making poopsies and like trying to get out of trouble and not get murdered. And then like Jeffrey Jones is a gay son. - And that's his one thing that he's gay. - Yeah, and he's like weirdly attracted to the pest, but well that's the homophobe. - Very weird. - Right, that's the gay panic, right? Like if you're straight and you meet a gay person, they're gonna wanna have sex with you. And so that's his one and only thing. But you know, he's not, so you'd think that he would be on the island the whole time, but not really. They're on the island for like 25 minutes or something. And then like you said, yeah, like there's a like a shitting joke where he's like, they're like, what's that noise? And then you see like John Leguizamo squatting in the woods taking a shit and you just hear like horrible like sound effects. And then he goes to the gay son, whose name is Himmel, I think. And he's like, we gotta get out of here. And again, Himmel's the whole thing is he's gay and also that he wants to fuck John Leguizamo. This, God, it's offensive. He, and it's not just offensive 'cause it's offensive. It's offensive because it's offensively not funny. - Yeah. - He tries, he's trying to get in the house. And Himmel's like, I don't know, I can't let you in, my dad will be mad. And then John Leguizamo turns around and like shows him his butt. And he's like, oh, okay, I'll let you in. Because that's what you gotta do for a gay guy. - Hey, he's gotta show him your butt. - Yeah, show him your butt. And he's like, oh, I'm gay, I like butts. So then they're like, oh, let's steal a boat and get away. So they steal a, but then this seems disgusting. It cuts to them like both-- - Oh yeah. - And throwing up on each other and throwing up overboard. And like the one thing that we didn't have going for was gross out humor, but then this-- - And then it hits it. - Then it hits it. And then John Leguizamo was like, ah, I'm leaving. And he jumps off the boat and swims back to Miami. - How close was this island that? - I know. - And then he meets back up with his friends, ninja and chubs. And now they're back in Miami and they're running around and they're kind of being, Jeffrey Jones is kind of chasing them. But there's also another antagonist which is the Scottish mafia. And there is some, there's a funny idea here somewhere because of their, so they're, so for what you know from this movie, right? Whatever I told you, you could guess, what does the Scottish mafia look like? Every guy has red hair to kill it. 'Cause they're Scottish, understand? This movie has all the comedic integrity of like a punch and duty show. It's truly, it's also I compare it to minstrelsy. And I don't mean that, I don't take that lightly. Like minstrel, the whole sort of comedic language of it is based on ethnicity and, all right, I lost my train of thought. This movie's really mama-able. - He's got the integrity, yeah. He's got the integrity or the comedic ability of, what the fuck was that, the comedy puppeteer? Jeff Dunham. - Jeff Dunham, yes, yes. Yeah, you know what, you could tell this is pre-9/11 'cause there's actually no Middle Eastern. - Oh, you know there would have been a Middle Eastern. - Oh, he would have been like, and it would have been all jokes about like 9/11. And look at me, I'm bombing people or whatever. - There are deliveries of the bomb, like. - Yeah, like he does the Chinese food thing so long. At one point he's like, "Ah, you might have noticed there's not a lot of dogs "in this neighborhood anymore." And it's like, oh, it's like, if you have like, you could have a bingo card of like hack racist tropes. And it's like, okay, there's the dog joke and where's the-- - But then there's like-- - 'Cause it's not even believable. - 'Cause it's not even believable. - Then there's stuff that's not even believable, like the whole thing with the dog. You're like, oh, my pet quacky, like. - Right. Well, we're supposed to be laughing, we're supposed to be just, our sides are splitting laughing with shit like that. - You're like, oh, look at me see Slim Flam and this Asian guy by these roast duck. - I remember it was gonna say the, so the thing that could be funny is with the Scottish mafia, for whatever reason past owes them $50,000. And they're like mad, they're after him. And the head of the Scottish mob is like, you wanna treat us this way with the Italian mob. And like, it's like, okay, that's a kind of funny idea, that's a kernel of an idea that could be funny, but they never do anything with it. 'Cause it's lazy, this movie is very lazy in its comedy. It's gotta be whatever is like at the top level, you know what I mean? Like no depth to what it's trying to do. - Yeah, and then even some stuff is just like, oh, did you just do this 'cause you wanted to do it? Like when they pull up to the club, there's a whole scene where these two white dudes are like lasting a knockoff version of, I love rock and roll. - Yeah. - And they get into this sort of like stereo battle where like shubs a button on his car and it turns into like a big stereo system. - Yeah. - They're playing a big song called The Butt, I think it was. - Yeah, yeah. - And the power of the song like blows the ever two guys away. - Right, yes. - And then they do, and then after they win, Airy Spears has this runner where he keeps doing a butt-head impression. - Yeah, they're doing Beavis a butt-head which even at this point, this is '97. That's like four years too late. - Yeah. - Also I feel like that's some real low bottom of the barrel comedy. That's some like bad sitcom level comedy where it's like, you're not even doing a joke. You're just reminding us of something that we find funny elsewhere. - Right. - Like when like in sitcoms in the 2000s where people be like doing awesome powers and pressions, like that's basically what it is. - Yeah, yeah. - But what's interesting about that scene is like the two white guys are like preppy and they say some like kind of prejudice stuff to Jolly Rizala and so like they're the bad guys for this moment. But it's also like, well, everything in this movie is making fun of every single race. Like why are these guys now the bad guys? - Right, speaking of that, that segues quite nicely into the scene with his girlfriend's family. - I was gonna say. - Yeah, there's a point where Jolly is like, now they're on the run, now they're back in Miami. And one of the last places he goes to before the big finale is he goes to his girlfriend's for dinner and-- - Wow, this scene. Wow. - Wow, I forgot about this scene. - I was genuinely aware. I was genuinely like, no. - More on blackface. But not only blackface like-- - Well, there's no actual makeup blackface, but he is wearing an Afro wig. - Yeah. - And like he has like a drum and dressed in like this African garb. And why is he doing that? Because his girlfriend's black and her parents are black. So that's her one thing. So to impress his girlfriend's parents, he's gonna come and act black. By the way, I could just see like Donald Trump watching this movie and being like, (laughing) - You know, I do new stuff like that. - Oh. - That's just like Kamala. - She's being-- - I don't know, is she black or is she in the end? I don't know. - I don't know. - I don't know. - The way he says black black. Who let him in front of that group of black reporters? And didn't know that it's exactly what was going to happen. - Oh yeah. And then he yelled at the black reporters for asking him tough questions. - It'd be very nasty. That's a very nasty question. - You know, I know some of them have a reputation for being nasty. I didn't want to think about it. - Yeah. - Sure. - To me, in terms of pop culture, the most interesting thing about Donald Trump that I've learned that is like, wow, that says so much about him. Is you know the movie "Blood Sport" with John Claude Van Damme? - Oh yeah. - So that's like Trump's favorite movie. But listen to this. He had someone who works for him make him, this was back in, I guess the 80s or 90s, make him a VHS of it where the dialogues cut out. So he could just watch the fight scene. So Donald Trump's favorite movie is an edited version of "Blood Sport" where it's just the fight scenes. - I don't like talking. - Yeah, but anyway. So yeah, he's going and he's, and the dad is the guy from Terminator 2, The Scientist. - Yes. - And they're not really like, I don't know, maybe this is clever, maybe it's not. They're not, they're very American. They're not really like African. - Very American. - Very Yuppy. - Right, yeah, Yuppy kind of people. And then truth-of-the-link was almost like, and I guess we are supposed to think he's ridiculous in this moment, but it's also we're supposed to be just laughing. We're supposed to be like, oh, look at him now. This was his, that was his, if a person like this existed, they would be put away. His plan was, by the way, does his girlfriend look like a quarter of his age? The girlfriend looks like she's 16 and he looks like he's 42. (laughing) - It's true. - His plan to impress his girlfriend's parents are, I'm gonna dress in an Afro wig, because, and it's like, what's the logic there? That they're gonna think he's black? - He's such a master of the skies. He'll just, they'll think he's black. See, there's only one thing about people, and that's their ethnicity. You understand? - And he nailed it. - Yeah, yeah. - Um, was there any, watching it now as an adult? Is there any joke that you liked? Was there anything that made you laugh? Is there anything that you were like, that's actually good? - Um, oh geez, what a tough question. They're making me really relive the whole movie. - I'm, I'm asking you because I have one. And I didn't think I, I didn't think I would. When they're on the island and he's trying to run away, and I guess Jeffrey Jones goon like grabs him. He sort of picks John Leguizamo up and he starts like peeing his pants. And John Leguizamo says, "I'm sorry, I couldn't make it to the newspaper." Which actually I thought was funny. Like he was a, like he was a puppy. I couldn't make it to the newspaper. I was like, ah, that's actually funny. - And it's the one joke that's not like a police joke. - Yeah. - Well, no, I don't think that it's like age joke. Like it's just one growner after another. - I wonder how John Leguizamo feels about this now. 'Cause even if he's proud of it, I'm sure-- - Like does he show his kids like, ah, you know, love this? - Like they don't play this anywhere, anywhere anymore. You know, I actually had to pay like $4 to watch this, which is-- - Really? - It was like free on YouTube. - I didn't go on YouTube. I tried to, at first I thought I heard it was on 2B, but then it wasn't on 2B and it was like, ah, god damn it. - Yeah. - By the way, this movie is very poorly made too. The opening credits are basically like Comic Sans. - Yeah, it's like a Nickelodeon cartoon. - Yeah. And then there's a scene on the island where you're doing shot reverse shot, right? You're doing a conversation between the bad guy and the past and it's in daylight. And when you see the past's coverage, it's sort of an overcast day. But then when you see the bad guy's coverage, it's clearly raining, like clearly raining. And it keeps cutting back and forth and it's clearly not raining in the other shot. And Jeffrey Jones is not, he's not acting like it's raining. He's sort of probably being directed to pretend it's not. Don't worry, don't worry, it's not gonna show, but it very much shows. And to me, it's like, wow, on a very technical level, how this movie is so flawed. - Well, it's a little talent. - It's like that way because I had breaking past news from last year. - Yeah, from last year. - So this is from comicbook.com. The headline is, "John Leguizamo weighs in on plans for the past two." And it says, "He says fans are always asking for more from the world of the past, but he isn't sure whether he could get into that high energy mindset again." Well, I think the past is interesting because when I go to Comic-Cons, kids always want me to sign a past picture. They have a past DVD or a VHS of it or a poster. And I'm like, what, really? You love this movie? And they're like, yeah, that opening credits and the movie is the funniest thing ever. I don't believe this. I do not believe anyone says this next part. It was get out before get out. - Shut up. It was like being hunted by this great because I'm being hunted by this great white hunter who wants to put a Puerto Rican on his mantle. Everyone's asking for a sequel to that. And I'm like, I don't know. I think I've aged out of playing that kind of hyper silly. - Get out is the sequel, clearly. Wow, to try to spin it. - Get out before get out. - What a spin. - That's the biggest reveal in maybe this entire podcast history. - Like, yeah. - I do. - The genre is I'm gonna get out that like the past is a precursor to get out. - Yeah. I guess I got what he's saying, but it does so much making fun of gay people and. - And black people. - Very Asian people and black people that you're like, I don't know if I could give it any cred. You mean like any like, it doesn't, it doesn't earn any liberal cred. - Also, where are these kids run? I want footage of these people running up to him and Comic-Cons of like past DVDs and posters. - I think it's, it sounds truthful though, that the children say the opening credits is the best thing. 'Cause it is. - I bet they just watch the opening credits over and over again, and they just stop. - I think, I mean, other than a few things like saying the R word, you could kind of show this to opening credits to a kid and they'd be like, oh, that's silly and funny. And then you just immediately shut it off. You're like, okay, we can't watch any more than that. There's a character named Malaria. - Yeah, yeah. - Who is his girlfriend's best friend who gives him shit, which I feel like was a very distinctly 90s trope. - Right, like annoying girlfriend, best friend that, 'cause he needs a foil to make fun of in the relationship thing. - Right, and who, like what was in Martin? Remember his girlfriend Gina? She had a best friend. - She had a best friend. - Who was her best friend? - Cam? - Cam? - I think so. - Right, it feels a lot like that. Oh, there's another interesting moment where in the beginning, he's pulling a three-card Monte scam, but he's pretending to be blind because let's not leave ableism out of this. So we gotta make fun of the blind. So he's pretending to be blind, and like a guy comes up to him and he's like, "Sir," and he's like, "How do you know I'm a sir?" And he's like, "Oh, I could hear your gonads jiggling." - Yeah. - And it's like, "Okay, okay, sure." - Or gonads, a very 90s word too. - Yeah, but then two Scottish guys, two Scottish tufts come after him, and he pants them both. And one has on boxer shorts, but what do you know with the other one? He's got on red satin panties and-- - What the hell? - Oh, he's dressed like a lady, other is killed. Uh-oh, he's one of them. Oh, lightness loafers. - Just like the Jeff Jones son character. I mean, not that obviously this is not like the most vulnerable target in this movie, but it is also kind of a, it must be offensive to German people, that this movie just equates German and Nazi. German is Nazi, Nazi is German. - Oh yeah. - If you're German, you hunt humans and you're evil. Like-- - And then-- - No one gets out of this unscathed, I guess. - No, and then like how about that ending where it gets like the closest it gets to sincerity, where like all his family and friends are about to be murdered. - Yeah. - And then like the past, they think the past has died. And like, oh no, our beloved Pastaria has been murdered. And then it turns out I was all, it was all a scam. It was all the final piece of his scam. - Right. - Get those German bastards. - Right, 'cause we haven't said the villain key to Laura John Leguizamo in. He's like, he, the villain somehow finds out that he owes $50,000 to the Scottish mafia. So he's like, oh well my fan, he's like, have you ever gone to college? And he's like, no. He tells some joke about having a big dick as a child. And that's why I didn't go to college. It's hard to track. And he's like, oh well my family, we sponsor, we do scholarships, you know. I have a $50,000 cash scholarship. And Jalen, I was like, oh yeah, I wanna do it. Come on, send me to college. And that is the ultimate goal. And then also at the end, or somewhere in the middle, and this would make no sense. Who, why would you believe this for a second? The villain's like, you know, you've got 24 hours. If I don't kill you in 24 hours, you get to keep this $50,000. And he just accepts that as okay, that's the rules. I just gotta stay alive for 24 hours. And then I can have this $50,000 and pay off these gangsters that wanna murder me. Do you remember the sequence where they're like, oh, when he says he'll do the scholarship? And they're like, well, we have to test him to see if he's a good specimen to be hunted. And like they put him through a set of huge. Yes, yeah. And then he throws up. And then, oh, what other things? Oh, like they, but then it gets increasingly less interested. Like they haven't do splits. And then they have him like play tennis, which is like, okay, that's a real, that's a far cry from the thing you were in that was spinning you around. And then they kind of just dropped it. They're like, all right, we'll just do him, that's fine. Yeah, it's kind of like that stuff didn't need to be. Yeah, it's like, oh, the last 10 minutes of scenes didn't need to happen. Well, this movie-- I'm gonna take him anyway. This movie's short and it's still like stretching. It's like-- Oh yeah. I mean, think about it. If you took out that opening rap, this movie's like 70 minutes or something. You need that opening part. There's basically three or four major plot points in this movie. Like it's not big at all. It's like the opening stuff that establishes that he's a con artist. Then the stuff where he tries to get the $50,000 and goes on the island. Then the part where he goes back to Miami and they're on the run. And then the whole ending scene where Jeffrey Jones shranks all his family and friends and they all end up in the docks. Yeah, they're in like a pier versus-- and then Airy Spears and John Leguizano will show up and then they're wearing camouflage for some reason and they have gun. They figure, I don't know where they get the guns from. I'm not sure what the fuck's happening. You also, you don't see, you don't see the Germans capture all of the past loved ones. You just, at one moment, he calls them and he's like, "Ah, guess what? "I've got your whole family here "and your girlfriend's family and everybody." - Yeah. - And it's like, "Oh my God, I wanna see that harrowing scene. "I wanna see the past family at home." Like, "Ah, just, you know, it's nice to have a nice quiet." - Then Jeffrey Jones busted the door. - What a fucking machine gun. He's like, "You're all hostages now." Yeah. At the end, why did, I don't remember, at some point, he sees, 'cause he wants to do a Japanese impression 'cause he already did Chinese. So, you gotta get all the racism at, you know what I mean? - There you got to cover all the basics. - He sees a Japanese guy wearing a suit and he like, follows him into the, it's one of those like, Star Wars, like follow him into the bathroom and then there's a fight, then he comes out and he's wearing what he's wearing. But like, why can't he just do it without the suit? Like, why did he need the gray suit to be the Japanese guy? Just do your stupid impression. Like, why, why is that necessary? A lot of it's not necessary. Like I said, a lot of it's not necessary. It's not necessary that he pretends to be Chinese just 'cause he works in a Chinese food restaurant. At the end, he pretends to be the German ambassador. I don't understand why he doesn't need to do that at all. - Got a big mustache and it's very-- - This man tried to murder you and your family. Just tell the cops and things are fine. You don't have to pretend to be a German ambassador and tell the cops. Just be yourself and tell the cops. - Give them the hot tip that, hey, there's a murderer and here's the money, here's where he's keeping the money. - Right, right, great 'cause he does this whole thing where at the docks at the end, they're like, guess what? When we, before, when everything just started and we had a toast to the hunt, we actually poisoned you and that poison takes 18 hours to work. So you're gonna die any second now. And then he passes out and then they leave thinking they've won the Germans and then they go to a bank where they have the $50,000 in a safety deposit box. I don't know why, it's supposed to be their money. And he goes to the safety deposit box and he opens it up and there's nothing in it but a paper that says answer the phone and then the phone rings and it's the past. And he's like, yeah, my friend, the German ambassador told the cops about what you did and you're going away, buddy. And it's like, why is any-- - He's shaggedy doys, it's like a Norm Macdonald joke. - Yeah. (laughs) - Yeah, my friend, the German ambassador over there has got something to say about this. - Yeah, and they just, you just need more beats to sort of stretch it out. And he, the Germans, like, well then, like, what do you mean, we poisoned you? And he's like, yeah, but I threw up. And I was like, wait, is that why we had that stupid vomit scene? Was there actually, was that actually pain? - It's all connected. - It's Chekhov's vomit scene. - Yeah, yeah, exactly. - But again, they, he tried to murder you so you don't need to pretend to be a German ambassador at all. You can just, you can literally just say this guy tried to kill me. And then during the closing credits, they play the opening song again. - Oh, 'cause it's so good. Like, you gotta-- - Hey guys, remember this? - You remember this? - Yeah, let's remember this. We've played in between every major scene of this movie. - It's almost like one big music video. 'Cause something will happen and then it'll get right back. It's a dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. - Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. - And again, it's a great, it's a great track, but like, that's all you got. Says a lot about your movie. - How do we find out? I'm not good with music. Where do we look up how things sold? I wanna know how many the past soundtracks they sold in 1997. Was this thing flying off the shelves? - Oh, I have no clue. I wish, I don't think there was a soundtrack. - That would be-- - Must have been it. - Must have been it. - Absolute absurdity. I'm gonna go go go go go. - 'Cause I feel like I was looking at it up a couple of weeks ago and I don't think it was like released in America. - That's only in Germany. That's crazy if that's true. - Not on Amazon. - I'm seeing, yeah, I'm just seeing VHSes. That's really, that's really absurd. You're telling me the kids weren't watching the box and calling up and... - Play, play, play the past soundtrack. - Play Voodoo Mambo. - That's crazy, that's crazy. - We're doing my route off, thanks for being up. - You know, what if I ever got a chance to talk to her? I am absolutely gonna say, I'm gonna be like, "Listen, we gotta talk about Voodoo Mambo." - She'll be like, "What?" - She'd be like, "Thank you, I've been waiting for this question." - You've been waiting for it. Thank you, finally. - Thank you. I just wanna read some of the comments on the YouTube video for Voodoo Mambo. - Oh, yes, please. - This one's from five months ago. Bro, it's 2024, and I'm still jamming to this down the highway. - That's not the highway. - This has gotta be a joke. This is my son's favorite song before he passed away at the age of 14. We played it at his funeral rest in peace, Kobe. That's gotta be, that can't be real, right? That's gotta be a bit. - That's not Kobe's. Imagine being in a funeral and you're walking into the way and you just say, "Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah." - Yeah, wait a minute. Is that? - Guys, in honor of Kobe, calm dresses your favorite ethnicity. - Yeah, congrats to your favorite-- - No, subtlety allowed. Really go for it, really go for it. Go to, be sure to hit up Party City before you come over. Someone else wrote, "This is still a certified hood classic." - Okay. - 2021, and it's still a banger. This song has no right to slap this hard, I agree. - Yeah. - 2020 reporting in. This movie is my definition of a cult classic when it comes to John. I've been dancing and singing to this shower scene even before the movie came out. That doesn't make sense to me. The soundtrack to this movie is so catchy. The intro and speaker battle will always be played in the back of my mind. I don't think there was a soundtrack. Although it makes sense that it would be, right? 'Cause you're right, there is that like basically musical scene where it gets magical and airy spears. Truck turns into like a stage with amplifiers. - Amplifiers, yeah. - Somebody just- - No, go ahead. - 10 years ago, somebody commented, "They killed Quackie, dot, dot, dot." (laughing) This song is still better than most of the crap on radio today. - Okay. - Thank you, thanks, Grandpa. Can you imagine actually hearing this on the radio? (laughing) - I'd love it. - I mean, yeah, 'cause we have that. I'd be like, "No way, this is happening." (laughing) 'Cause you know what? I know where we fucking line. I know where we line to it. I sing right along with it. - I'm reading the review. Me and my brother grew up watching this movie. This movie is right up there if the Ace Ventura movie. If you're looking for a fun, funny goofball movie, this is the one for you. You'll be laughing so hard. Your sides are gonna hurt. - I wanna look it up a- - Oh my God, it's got four percent. - And a four percent. Four percent, youses. January 1st, this came out New Year's Day, 1997. It's only got a '67 audience score. So it's not, even the audience score is that great. - If you like comedy and original content from the intro to the end, you'll like this. All Star Cast was on the come up in this one. - This is a piece from the New York Times at the time. I'm reading this from Rotten Tomatoes. When Mr. Leguizamo isn't doing third rate ethnic parody, he's wallowing in scatological jokes that are so poorly prepared and executed that they make similar antics by Mr. Carrie play like classic routines. So there really are, it's really, the Ace Ventura of it all is prevalent. - Yeah. - Also from, oh no, this is New Times. If you had any doubt that John Leguizamo's not funny, this will instantly reinforce that notion. - I'm surprised that there are a contemporary, I'm surprised that this hasn't like gotten a bunch of contemporary blog reviews that brought the score up. You ever see those movies where it's like, it's an old shitty movie, but it's kinda got a decent score because it's got reviews from when it came out. - Like maybe a movie circuit or something. - Yeah. And then it's got like, people being like looking back at it. - Yeah, it's like, well, I thought Salo was pretty good. I love this review. I hate myself for watching this. If I could turn back time, it wouldn't be a stop myself from watching it. I would go back to regret my mom from ever conceiving me. Like, well, that's jokes on you then. - But where are the people that are dying for the sequel? - I don't, there's a lot of people here who do love it. Like love this is the kids still watching it 30. - It had, look. - The series aged well, John Leguizamo was hilarious. - I can't defend Ace Ventura because I have not seen it in 20 years, probably. But just from my memory, and I'm sure it's very offensive, I know the end is extremely transphobic. - Yeah. - But just from my memory, there was more, it was this energy level, but there were jokes that were about things other than ethnicity. - Right. - That's the thing that I really, that's the thing that shocked me when I watched it today. That's really all it is. It's really just, it's all just ethnicity, jokes. - There's no subtle teacher. There's no joke that makes you like sort of perk up and go, "Oh, come on." - Oh, that was actually pretty good. - And it's clear that it's not just like a movie that he was casting. It was, it's clearly something that was developed for him and Bob. - Oh, it's a vehicle. - Right. It is, look at all the crazy shit I can do. This will be my real, this whole movie. - The only it is, it's the mad TV to Ace Ventura's SNL. - Wow. With those true words, I think we have to wrap this episode. (laughing) - Vin, thank you so much for being here. You are ridiculous. (laughing) Like a booger, I stick to this. What's going on with you? Talk about your sub-stack. - Yeah, for people who don't know, I write articles twice a week. I'm doing a whole series, basically that's doing critical analysis of music videos. So, you know, twice a week, you get some articles on that. Right now, I've got one up earlier this week on the easy lover video with Phil Collins and Philip Bailey from Earth, Wind and Fire. The music video for "Mama Used to Say," which I don't know if you remember that, that song. - I do. It went like this, right? (humming) - Exactly. And then one of my favorite, two of my favorite ones that I've done recently, I did one on the Kiss Look It Up video, which was the video when they first dropped their makeup. - I've never seen that one. - It's not good. - Oh, so, (laughing) - It's basically like, oh, let's take everything that makes this band special and just strip it down to just generic '80s rock band. - Don't they have a disco record from that time? - Yes, they do. I called "Dynasty" back in the late '70s. - That's where I was made. - That's where I was made for "Loving It Up." - Yeah, yeah, see, that's actually not a bad song. - No, it's a great song. And the other one now, it's just people check out. I did one on the BC Boys Intergalactic video. - Yes, I like that a lot. I'm a Kaiju Tokusatsu fan and you get into the Tokusatsu influences of it and I thought it was really cool. - Yeah, so go check it out. It's vinforte.substack.com. You'll be prompted to enter your email, do it. It's free and it helps me out because you get all the new articles sent to your email and that's a nice reminder. You keep coming back. - Oven, we end the episode by saying go bye-bye. Can you say go bye-bye with the most offensive accent you can think of? - Oh Jesus Christ. - No, don't do it. - Just say go bye-bye like a normal person. - Go bye-bye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (birds chirping)